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But Inside I'm Screaming

by Elizabeth Flock (Goodreads Author)

3.42 of 5 stars 3.42 · rating details · 1,583 ratings · 174 reviews

While breaking the hottest news story of the year, broadcast journalist Isabel Murphy falls apart on live television in front of an audience of millions. She lands at Three Breezes, a four-star psychiatric hospital nicknamed the "nut hut," where she begins the painful process of recovering the life everyone thought she had.

But accepting her place among her fellow patients...more

ebook, 320 pages

Published September 1st 2005 by Harlequin MIRA (first published September 1st 2003)

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Dec 17, 2008 AJ LeBlanc rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Meet Isabel: successful international broadcast journalist, loving wife, perfect daughter, suicidal human.

After freezing up on national television while trying to cover the breaking news of Princess Diana's car crash, Isabel finds herself at Three Breezes, a top of the line psychiatric hospital. She has no idea why she's there. Maybe it's the two suicide attempts? The meltdown on live TV? The point is, she isn't like any of those other patients who are seriously crazy. She just wants to be relea...more

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Oct 31, 2011 Melissa rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

So this could have been a very interesting book. It had all the right elements and a main character that could have been compelling. But sadly it had no depth to it, and things were "told" instead of "shown."

Isabel breaks down on live television and as a result, heads home to commit suicide. She doesn't quite succeed though and finds herself transported to the mental institution of Three Breezes. Here she doesn't feel as if she belongs with the other patients. She doesn't think she's quite craz...more So this could have been a very interesting book. It had all the right elements and a main character that could have been compelling. But sadly it had no depth to it, and things were "told" instead of "shown."

Isabel breaks down on live television and as a result, heads home to commit suicide. She doesn't quite succeed though and finds herself transported to the mental institution of Three Breezes. Here she doesn't feel as if she belongs with the other patients. She doesn't think she's quite crazy enough. But she does still know that she wants to kill herself, and that she's not happy with the doctors there who want her to undergo Electric Shock Therapy. Isabel is determined to die still, but it doesn't look like she's going to get her chance. Mixed in with her time at the institution are also memories of events that all led up to her breakdown. Memories of her husband's abusive ways and her father's absence help to contribute to her unstableness.

Isabel could have been a fantastic character. Since she is the main character she's the center of attention and the book pretty much focuses on her. However I never really understand why she does the things she does. For example, she develops some friendships at the institution, but its never really clear on why she picks the people she does to become friends with. I can understand why Isabel is depressed and there of course, but we're always told why she does this and that instead of having the character express it through her actions. The doctors at the institution were all pretty bland and I thought that maybe differentiating them from one another with some unique characteristics would have been nice. The other patients seemed kind of cookie cutter too instead of being unique as well.

I liked the idea of the plot but didn't care too much for the way it was done. While I find exploring the mind of a mental patient (albeit a tame one) interesting, I didn't find Isabel very compelling. I also didn't like the way the book jumped around from the present to different points in the past (in no particular chronological order) as it didn't flow very smoothly. It could do it randomly in the middle of the page sometimes and my brain would take a few seconds to keep up. Since this book deals with depression and suicide there are some pretty rough descriptions in here. There is also cussing and mention of rape and its probably not a book for the light hearted.

Not terrible but not especially interesting. It didn't make me want to go out and read another book by Flock right away.

But Inside I'm Screaming
Copyright 2003
316 pages

Review by M. Reynard 2011(less)

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Sep 04, 2011 Gina rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: mental-illness, psychological-dilemmas, psychology, psychology-women, 5-00-rating

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Apr 01, 2011 Susanhayeshotmail.com rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I keep a couple of stacks of paperbacks piled up on my nightstand, which is actually a bookcase, for those "just in case" moments when I either don't have anything to read or don't like what I've been reading or just need a break from something heavier. This book was in that stack, or one of them, picked up quite awhile ago from a Friends of the Library sale cart. I pick things up for all kinds of reasons, the title, a review I've read, a recommendation from friends or goodreads, because I saw i...more

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Feb 24, 2011 Susan O'Bryant added it · review of another edition

I was prepared to not like this book. I was afraid it would be simplified or cliched, or both; however, I was pleased to discover this novel was neither. Isabel, the heroine, says "People look at me and they see this happy face, but inside I'm screaming. It's just that no one hears me." Who hasn't felt like that from time to time? Most of us are just lucky enough to not spiral down into the mental health crisis that Isabel faced. While I write this review, I am having to restrain from referring...more

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Mar 28, 2008 Melissa rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I thought this book was so annoying. Seriously, how many times do you need to say "adirondack chair"... I mean, is the type of chair you sit and smoke in THAT important? No. I get it. You sit in adirondack chairs. Also, it was so unoriginal. Think a crappy and way less interesting version of "Girl, Interrupted" (or any similar 'I'm in the psych ward but I shouldn't be' book). I was bored and unimpressed.

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Apr 04, 2009 Louise rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: fiction

I'm a little disappointed in this book after having read "Me & Emma". Totally different stories I understand and very different subject matters. However, I just didn't get an overall feeling of "ahhhh, THAT was a good novel!" Nonetheless, I did finish it. Perhaps it was the fact that I've just finished reading "A Million Little Pieces" and hearing about and reading all the surrounding hoopla and controversy surrounding that book! Halfway through this book I quickly lost interest and thought...more

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Feb 20, 2011 Evangeline rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2011, contemporary, fiction, mental-health-illness

What i liked best about this novel about a woman who suffers a breakdown and is admitted to a psychiatric hospital is the difference between Isabel and the other patients. Isabel is suffering from severe depression, whereas most of the other patients are suffering from illnesses like manic depression/bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. So because of the other patients' bouts of mania, paranoia, etc, Isabel is completely indignant as to why she is among them as, compared to them, she feels 'normal...more What i liked best about this novel about a woman who suffers a breakdown and is admitted to a psychiatric hospital is the difference between Isabel and the other patients. Isabel is suffering from severe depression, whereas most of the other patients are suffering from illnesses like manic depression/bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. So because of the other patients' bouts of mania, paranoia, etc, Isabel is completely indignant as to why she is among them as, compared to them, she feels 'normal'. Whereas we the reader know she also has problems she needs help with as her main goal is to receive grounds privileges so she can walk to the end of the drive and step in front of the next passing truck. The realism of this really struck me, that in any given psychiatric facility there are people of varying levels of mental ill-health and this can impede upon their recovery. Isabel makes friends with Kristen, a patient who seems 'normal' like her at first, but then Isabel's eyes are opened to the fact that Kristin is on a spiral of self-destruction. The great shining moment of the story comes when Isabel realises that she is in the fortunate position of being able to help herself, whereas many around her are just too ill to ever recover. And from that moment she begins on the road to recovery.

I liked the characterisation of this novel. It's always morbidly fascinating to gain an insight into this type of situation. The author introduces us to several characters who we immediately pity, then reveals that they have committed some pretty horrendous crimes, which appall you as a reader, but at the same time you know that it's not their fault. There is unfortunately quite a bit of swearing in this book, although for the setting it is entirely realistic.

One thing that really surprised me though was the ending. (view spoiler)

Overall, an interesting and fairly quick read.

(less)

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Jan 12, 2012 Karyl rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: bookstore-finds, 2012

Isabel is a broadcast journalist who suffers a major panic attack on national television while attempting to break the news of Princess Diana's death. The book opens with this event, continuing on to her commitment into a mental institution, but the author does a skillful job of weaving in past events to help the reader understand how Isabel has gotten to this point. However, there were times that I felt the action slowed down just a little too much, that Isabel was a bit too withdrawn when her...more

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May 25, 2007 Christina rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I guess I like stories with mental institutions. I really liked this one, shows how a person with a seemingly easy life can fall apart

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May 01, 2010 Sharon rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: mental-health

"But Inside I'm Screaming" is a great read for Mental Health Awareness Month (every May).

Protagonist Isabel Murphy is a successful newscaster for a major network. Her personal life, with a demanding mother, absent father and abusive husband, is a shambles. Her breakdown takes place on national television as she attempts to report on Princess Diana's death. She goes home from her failed broadcast, attempts suicide, and is committed to an inpatient mental hospital.

Isabel and her fellow patients ar...more

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Oct 15, 2012 Stacey rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2012-books

I read this book in one day. I picked it up thinking it would be an easy read. I was both right and wrong about that. It was a fast read that was hard to put down but was also quite a deep read. The story follows Isabel at the top of her career when she has a mental breakdown in a very public way. We learn all of her insecurities and get to learn about a handful of people she meets in a psychiatric hospital. We get to follow her from her deepest depression and them her slow journey back to menta...more

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Nov 15, 2011 Cindy rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Isabel Murphy is finally overcome by her falling-down life while covering a live event as a reporter, and decides to check herself into Three Breezes, a mental health facility. In flashbacks, we are told of her prior experiences with an absent father and two abusive partners. While I've not (yet!) had any experience with a breakdown or such a facility, it seemed like the representation of her experiences there rang true. My only criticism of this novel was that it seemed a bit meandering, like i...more

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May 28, 2012 Patrice Sartor rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: bleak-harsh, health-illness-exercise, realistic-fiction, psychological

Isabel was a workaholic TV news reporter who had a mental breakdown and then committed herself to a mental institution. We follow her journey both at the hospital and in flashbacks of her former life, until at the end when the two connect. The portrayal of a woman who needs mental help but cannot fully reconcile herself as having the *really* crazy innmates as her peers seems realistic and authentic. None of the characters especially resonated with me, though I think Flock has talent as a writer...more

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Mar 27, 2009 Jen rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: drama

An unexpectedly quick read, yet it seemed quite bland and easy to me. I think the author could have delved into her illness and her treatment (including the electro-shock) much more. What I did like was the parts where she seemed to fold into herself, to not speak and not notice her surroundings. These seemed to be the only parts (beyond her suicide attempts) where you saw that she had a problem. I also liked the way it flashed bits of her life and how her problems all began in between chapters...more

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Mar 24, 2010 Marianne Stehr rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is a tough book to review. The beginning was slow and descriptive (which was fine, but it gets you to wondering if it will ever pick up), the middle was great, I felt connected to the characters, the story lines were interesting and I felt invested,but eh end was horrible. There was no closure, nothing is finished. So I guess after reading I am disappointed. I wanted more, I needed more. If you loved Me and Emma as I did, don't look for this book to have any of the passion and completeness...more

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Jan 21, 2011 Pat rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book is about Isabel---a TV news reporter traveling across the world at a moment's notice to cover a breaking news story. She has an on-air nervous breakdown while covering the death of Lady Diana. Isabel ends up in a mental hospital and the main story is about her healing work their---her life issues and interactions with staff and other patients there. Sympathetic portrayal of the psychiatrist and Isabel and their work together. A rather simple and straightforward telling of the slow heal...more

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Aug 31, 2010 Cindy rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2010-read

I found the author's descent from successful broadcast journalist to a suicidal patient in a mental hospital both interesting and alarming. The author intertwined clues and reasons for Isabel's illness throughout the book which offered just enough mystery to maintain my interest. I wanted to learn all the answers and reasons behind Isabel's illness. It seems the author provided reasons but also left the reader to form their own opinions. This was particularly true with the ending of the book. I...more

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Oct 22, 2010 Leah rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: books-read-2010

On the night Princess Diana is killed in a car accident in Paris, Isabel Murphy finds herself propelled onto live television, just waiting to make a statement to the public regarding Diana’s accident. However when the time comes for her to go live on-air, Isabel clams up and seems to break down. After trying to kill herself she voluntarily checks herself into a psychiatric hospital in the hopes of overcoming her breakdown. The question is: what drove Isabel to unravel live on television?

I’ve bee...more On the night Princess Diana is killed in a car accident in Paris, Isabel Murphy finds herself propelled onto live television, just waiting to make a statement to the public regarding Diana’s accident. However when the time comes for her to go live on-air, Isabel clams up and seems to break down. After trying to kill herself she voluntarily checks herself into a psychiatric hospital in the hopes of overcoming her breakdown. The question is: what drove Isabel to unravel live on television?

I’ve been wanting to read But Inside I’m Screaming for a few months now – ever since I picked it up in the book swap before putting it back down again; I liked the sound of the book but there was always something stopping me actually picking it up and buying it – until now. I saw it in the charity shop today and thought why not?. Since I finished my previous book last night I decided to start this as it sounded intriguing.

The book starts well enough – with Isabel freezing live on air when she’s supposed to be telling America all about Princess Diana’s car accident, however the blurb makes it sound as if she goes into some kind of frenzy – like I imagine someone suffering a nervous breakdown would – and I struggled to understand why Isabel only being mute constituted describing what happens as “unravelling”. To me, it seemed like stage fright of some sort and didn’t seem like that big a deal. The big deal to me came during the next chapter where Isabel attempts suicide. For me that was the catalyst that sent her into a psychiatric hospital, not her mute-ness live on TV.

The book is mostly set in Three Breezes, the facility in which Isabel ends up, so to expect anything other than a dark, depressing book would be stupid. What I did expect was a bit more meat to the whole thing. I have no idea what it’s like to be locked up in what is essentially a mental institution but for the duration of the book it wasn’t as if they were at a mental institution. Yes, some of the patients had episodes and yes, Isabel had to take her meds constantly but it all seemed rather toothless to me. I could be completely wrong and what goes on in the book may really happen in all psychiatric hospitals, I don’t know.

We also make frequent visits to times in the past that seem important to Isabel – episodes that explain how she ended up where she was. Most of it seemed innocent – generally just Isabel travelling around the country for news pieces – but there was a deeper edge there, particularly where Isabel’s husband Alex was concerned. He was nothing but a bully and I just couldn’t stand him. That helped to explain how Isabel ended up in the hospital. Isabel also seemed to have some huge daddy issues and again it all seemed forced and quite unbelievable.

My main problem with But Inside I’m Screaming were the characters. The fact is, we barely get to know any of the characters because they’re all completely insane in some way or another. Isabel is our principal character but she was one dimensional and had nothing that made her stand out. The same can be said for all of her other co-patients in Three Breezes. The lack of characterisation shocked me and did nothing to help the book at all. The fact is – the characters were so one-dimension that that is all I can say about them. They were truly that forgettable.

The writing is nothing special and if I’m brutally honest I think Flock should have written this from the first-person perspective rather than the third-person perspective it was written from. The third-person just didn’t work for the book and I think having it told entirely from Isabel’s point of view would have been so much more beneficial to the book. I would have much preferred to get into Isabel’s head because then I’d have felt more connected to Isabel. I disliked the book so much that I skim-read the last 150 pages as nothing really seemed to happen. I have no idea what I expected but it certainly wasn’t what I got. I think I was expecting something that would shock me – who doesn’t believe that life in a mental institution isn’t shocking? Exactly.

I truly expected so much more from But Inside I’m Screaming and I’m gutted I got such a rubbish read out of it. I’m not one to essentially give up on a book but for this I did. The fact is: not a lot happens, there is total lack of characterisation and it was written from the wrong perspective. All in all it was a truly disappointing read.(less)

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May 05, 2010 Rhonda Rae Baker rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This was a great novel addressing the craziness that we sometimes get ourselves into, especially when we are prone to think of others only and not consider our own needs in life.

Something happen to a person that is entirely focused on pleasing others. I'm all too aware of this and could understand exactly what Ms. Flock was talking about. She portrayed her characters on-spot and I would have to agree with the symptoms and dialogue they shared with each other. Very interesting and enlightening as...more

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Dec 20, 2011 Sydney rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book was a bit of a surprise for me. I wasn't sure I would like it, as the subject matter is a bit heavy. A network news anchor has a breakdown on live TV while reporting on the death of Princess Diana. She attempts suicide and ends up in an inpatient psychiatric treatment facility. Not exactly easy material. But the story moved very quickly. Isabel can't see that she has serious mental issues so she fights the treatment. Once she reaches the very depths of despair, her doctor suggests shoc...more

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Sep 18, 2012 Mary Hunt rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

It's very 'Girl, Interrupted'...so if you like that book, you will probably enjoy this one. I didn't find it overly original, but it was a nice, quick read and it did capture my attention, if not my imagination. I did become vested in the title character I think because I could relate so very, very well. I rather enjoyed the non-ending. I like when a story doesn't tie up all loose ends in a nice, neat bow, but let's you wonder what happened. You get to write the last chapter.

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Jun 01, 2011 JackieB rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: fiction, general

I struggled a bit with this. I knew it was not going to be an easy read because of the subject matter (A young woman experiencing severe depression). However, I struggled with the structure of the book rather than the subject. The histories of the main characters were told through flshbacks, which made the book disjointed. I think this was deliberate, in order to try to convey a sense of what the main character was experiencing during the book. However, it made it difficult for me to really enga...more

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Dec 02, 2012 Cherubim Cassandra Paula Javier rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

You want to scramble my brain so it doesn’t get sad anymore, so that I can function like a “normal ” person. So that this mindnumbing life I live can be tolerated. It won’t work …I already know the answer to the riddle: life is meaningless. Nothing has any value whatsoever. Once you know that you can never go back.
I like the honesty of this book. I like how it says things most of us can’t explain, even to ourselves. It’s worth reading.

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Aug 12, 2012 Sarah rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I started this book thinking I would get bored with it. I was pleasantly surprised that I liked this book a lot. There was a lot to take away from this book if you have an understanding of depression or any mental illness.

The only thing I did not like was that I did not connect to Isabel until half way through the book. I was sort of annoyed with her at first until I got to understand her. I guess that's like real life though.

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Jul 18, 2012 Alexis rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I could not finish this book because I found the topics discussed too familiar and triggering. My heart broke for the main character and the similarities I found. Having said that, the book is written in a basic, blunt manner than leaves nothing to the readers imagination. A part of me feels that is good for those who are not familiar with mental illness, but the book could have been more mysterious in that way.

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Feb 28, 2012 Craig rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

It took me a little while to get absorbed into this psychological drama and its language of treatment, meetings and meds. However, at about the halfway point it became hard to put down. Sure, there's a fair bit of trite (mommy and daddy issues, abusive boyfriends, etc.), it was hard not to root for Isabel, our fair protagonist. I would absolutely read another book by E. Flock.

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Dec 31, 2012 Julie rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Intense book, and one that I could see a lot of people not enjoying. From a mental health perspective, however, it brings to light a lot of illnesses and how they feel to the patient. I'm not sure how the author got her material, but I do think she did an admirable job of showing how someone who is "perfect" can be completely different inside.

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Jan 13, 2011 Linda rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Interesting journey with a "mentally ill" woman, from the event that spiraled her into a suicide attempt which landed her in an institution and the therapy she received there. I quote mentally ill, because in the end I did not believe her to be "mentally ill", but rather to have low self-esteem. Changing the way she viewed herself turned out to be her best medicine. Great book.

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Oct 28, 2012 Susan rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: own

I was really excited to read this book. I have read other books by Flock and loved them! But, this book did not excite me at all. The book centers around Isabel, a news reporter who has a nervous breakdown. She ends up in a mental institution. I do not feel there was really any character development at all. I also feel that the book really did not have an ending. Yeah, it ended - but what happened?!?

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About Elizabeth Flock

Former print journalist Elizabeth Flock reported for TIME and PEOPLE magazines before becoming an on-air correspondent for CBS News. Her acclaimed debut novel, BUT INSIDE I'M SCREAMING, chronically the psychological struggles of a young television reporter in New York, was released in 2003. Her second novel, ME & EMMA, became a New York Times bestseller and was an Indiebound (formerly Booksen...more

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“You tell yourself to someone and they steal your soul. That's why I don't talk to anybody.” — 16 people liked it

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