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John Dies at the End (John Dies at the End #1)

by
3.92  ·  Rating Details  ·  38,592 Ratings  ·  4,186 Reviews
STOP. You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands. NO, don't put it down. It's too late. They're watching you. My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it's t ...more
Audiobook, Unabridged, 14 pages
Published March 1st 2011 by AudioGO (first published 2007)
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(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
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Stephen
VERY HIP...
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VERY BIZARRO...
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VERY CREEPY...
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AND VERY, VERY (EVEN BRILLIANTLY) FUNNY...IN A CRUDE, JUVENILE WAY...

I read a lot... I read everyday and go through a number of books every week. Reading as much as I do, I get a real jolly on when I come across a book like this because it is so different from the usual fare. I'm not sure I can adequately describe the book, but the phrase that seems most apt is "brilliantly stupid"…with "surreal,” "incredibly funny" and "dude that’s gross" close behind.
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Wil Wheaton
Mar 05, 2013 Wil Wheaton rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: horror
I really loved this book. I didn't know anything going into it, other than that it was weird, so that's all I'll give you.

I think it's worth your time.
Callan
Dec 20, 2011 Callan rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
this is possibly the worst published book i have ever read. i'm sad to admit it was my ex-boyfriend's favorite book, so i read it to placate him. it took me all of about five minutes to get sick of the author's trite internet-meme-style wannabe-funny bullshit, which is sad because i believe he is the editor of cracked.com (where the writing, though sub-par at times, at least typically makes sense and is somewhat enjoyable to read). at first i thought i wasn't reading it closely enough to follow ...more
Carol.
Put this book down and go read Wong's work at cracked.com, particularly his piece "6 Things Rich People Need to Stop Saying," a brilliant piece of humor, psychology and economics. http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-things-...

Back to John Dies. Yes, like the book blurb says, in some ways it resembles The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy--it's that strange blend of humor that occurs partially because of stacking two incongruencies in a slice of bread and calling it a sandwich. The heroes are similar
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Addie
Feb 21, 2012 Addie rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: favorites
This book is not for everyone but it is certainly for me.

We all know that I have the sense of humor of a twelve year-old boy. I can't help it. Just yesterday my manager was talking to my coworkers and I about her new job at Whole Foods, explaining what she would be doing (which is working behind the specialty cheese counter) and she spoke this little gem that slipped passed everyone's attention but mine: "...basically I'll be cutting the cheese all day." I slapped my hand to my mouth and trying
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Traci
Dec 25, 2012 Traci rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: urban-fantasy
Have you ever played that game when one person starts a story and then another person takes it over, and then another, and then...until the story gets to where you can't even remember how it started?

John Dies at the End is a little bit like that game.

Now picture Howard Philip Lovecraft and Robert E. Howard playing this game around a campfire after a crazy party.

Now picture Howard Philip Lovecraft and Robert E. Howard smoking pot and drinking cheap booze as they play the game.

And then they are
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colleen the fabulous fabulaphile
2.5

So... Um... Well, that was, erm, something all right...

So I suppose I should start off by saying it's not quite what I was expecting but, of course, the logical follow-up to that would be "well, what were you expecting?", and I'd have to say "I'm not really sure. But that wasn't it."

But I think one thing I was expecting was a different kind of humor. Maybe something more along the lines of A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore, or even 'Army of Darkness' with Bruce Campbell.

Not to say it didn't h
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Brenna
Nov 08, 2009 Brenna rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: unfinished
(WARNING: The following is not a well-balanced, conscientious review.)

John Dies at the End dies before it even reaches the first chapter.

The story - such as it is - revolves around the typical gross-out paranormal-type activity that made Kevin Smith's "Dogma" such a success (think "It's a shit monster!" and you've pretty much got the idea of what seems to have inspired this book). Within the first 20 pages, the reader is witness to blood, copious amounts of excrement, a flaccid - and gratuitous
...more
Ruby  Tombstone [With A Vengeance]
**MILD SPOILERS IN THE FORM OF DIRECT QUOTES WHICH DON'T REALLY TELL YOU ANYTHING ABOUT THE STORY**

5 REASONS THIS MAY BE THE BEST BOOK YOU'LL EVER READ

#5. It's Literally Lough-Out-Loud Funny
I know it's not generally cool to slag off other people's book reviews. It's their subjective opinion, they're entitled, freedom of speech, blahdy blahdy blah. But the number of GR reviews for this book which contain the words "juvenile humour" and then proceed to dismiss the book's worth on that basis is jus
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Jason
Apr 07, 2013 Jason rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
5 Stars

This is a blast of a bizzaro piece of weird fiction. It is a blend of horror, new weird and psychological madness. David Wong is the name of the author, the name of the narrator, and the name of the main protagonist too (Not necessarily all the same!!!). This read is not for the faint of heart, nor is it intended for those that like things spelled out for them all nice and clear, and then drawn up with nothing but straight lines. The weirdness of this book can be challenging to read and t
...more
Crystal Starr Light
Bullet Review:

Bleh. I tried and I tried and I tried to like this disgusting, gory, weird little book, and it just isn't happening. I'm sure there's an audience for this type of book, but it sure as hell ain't me. And, as I've said before, life's too short to be wasted on books I'm not liking.

Full Review:

I have to write a review for this? Really? And a plot summary? How do I even begin to sort through the batsh!t weird that happens in this book into a cohesive, comprehensive summary? Do I even re
...more
David "proud Gleeman in Branwen's adventuring party"
Don't let the spoilerish title fool you... John Dies At The End is full of surprises!

Life is full of millions of choices. And while some are instantly recognized as "life-choices" (like getting married or picking a career path), others are deceptively innocent. But even the smallest of choices can have huge consequences. That's the hard lesson David Wong learned when he decided to challenge a hack street-magician at a concert. Had Wong simply rolled his eyes and kept walking, his life may not h
...more
Scott Woods
Apr 09, 2012 Scott Woods rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: horror
Simply put, I have never laughed harder at a horror book. This is less an attempt by "Wong" to write horror so much as it is for him to hone his humor chops on a genre that's been whipped to death by too much seriousness. It's appropriately gross, rolls out misadventure after misadventure, and ultimately satisfies on multiple levels. If you're into horror, you'll likely find it pretty smart. If you're into comedy, this on has great edge throughout. I don't know if I'd recommend it to anyone who ...more
Sylvia
Jan 16, 2011 Sylvia rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: horror, fiction
The last quarter of this book deserves 4 stars, the first three quarters deserve 2.

Firstly, the dialogue in this book (and sometimes the internal monologue) is very wry and generally hilarious. Easily its best quality, and kept me reading past the slow parts.

Unfortunately, the dialogue is often eclipsed by TONS of gruesome and gory visual descriptions, and though they are perfectly tolerable at first they do drag on after a while. After the 50th or 60th person whose entrails explode into a rain
...more
Daniel
Jul 03, 2009 Daniel rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Daniel by: Brian
Shelves: 2009
"'...And, well, that's my story,' I said. 'I'm sorry that it's so, you know. Retarded.'" -- David Wong, "John Dies at the End"

"John Dies at the End," originally published on the Internet, then self-published in book form by David Wong, and apparently being republished in September by St. Martin's Press, is kind of like "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies," but with five fewer Bennet sisters and six dozen more dick jokes. While "John" predates "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" by several years, it l
...more
Bryant
Jan 28, 2009 Bryant rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Fans of horror and science fiction who can handle lots of bathroom jokes.
Recommended to Bryant by: Chris Hall
There are few books that can cause me to laugh out loud in one paragraph, and later in the same chapter have me cringing in real fear or disgust. This book accomplished all of this and more.

John Dies at the End is not a literary masterpiece. Its plot has flaws. It needs some real face time with a legitimate editor - or at least someone likely to catch the numerous typos, misspellings and punctuation errors. The humor is abrupt and sophomoric.

But despite all that, this book is fun. It is thorough
...more
Bradley
Sep 26, 2011 Bradley rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Terrible. Positively dreadful.

The entire time I read it, with its typos and its tiny font (which means the book is probably a good fifty pages longer than it actually is), unwieldy plot and more uses of the word "retarded" than a book actually ABOUT retarded people I had a hunch something was amiss. After finishing it, I find it out it was started as a web serial and was originally self-published. It makes perfect sense, because clearly no editor's eyes have ever been laid on this piece of shit
...more
David M
Apr 12, 2012 David M rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Amazing, David Wong has created a fantastic book for the open minded. After reading it I then went out and got the Audible version so I could listen to it again on the way to work. The characters were original and engrossing. The story is a unique breath of fresh air that will make you say "WTF?!?!?" consistently as the plot progresses. If your in to seamless progression then this book will not appeal to you. If jumps, twists and turns in the air. Just when you think you have a handle on where t ...more
Trudi
I couldn't wait to get my hands on this; word-of-mouth promised a heady, hilarious horror romp. Unfortunately, it did not live up to the hype for me. Think Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure meets Ghostbusters (or depending on your frame of reference, maybe “Ghostfacers” a la Supernatural), with Lovecraftian-style monsters, a twist of Rod Serling and a dash of psychotropic drugs to really mess you up. Sounds promising, no? Brilliantly mad? Genius even? The only problem is it falls way short of s ...more
Mike (the Paladin)
I finished this book a couple of nights ago. As a side note I'm almost halfway through a book titled The Rook. Reading these books back to back, I've got to ask...am I the only person left in the world who doesn't use the great English "f" word (f**k) as a common part of my vocabulary?

Oh well...on to the review.

Over all I like this book and I think it's well written. I can partially agree with another reader who said that they "laughed out loud". On occasion I did to. I'll be giving a sort of "g
...more
Judies
Díváte se na Supernatural?

Představte si epizodu, ve které v blíže neurčeném městečku řádí superagresivní plyšoví medvědi ovládaní temnou Pandou z jiné dimenze. Obyvatelé si ničeho nevšímají, dokud je nesežere jejich vlastní kebab a dokud se jejich pes nezačne chovat jako krab na LSD. Jo, a taky sem tam někdo exploduje.

Ta knížka je totálně šílená. A ani jeden odstavec se nesnaží tvářit, že by to snad mohlo být jinak. Je to vtipné, neskutečně střelené a mám pocit, že jediný způsob, jak se naladi
...more
Caroline
Jun 07, 2015 Caroline rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
HILARIOUS is probably the best word to describe this book. It actually had me laughing out loud at times because it is so bizarre. The narration is funny and at times will even acknowledge how effed up the scene is- basically saying "I can't actually think how to describe this so just imagine something weird." The entire time I was reading this, the story felt very simple and as straight forward as such a wacky story can be. When I reached the end I realised just how clever it actually was, ever ...more
Bridget
Aug 23, 2010 Bridget rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Smart people with a high tollerance for dick jokes
Recommended to Bridget by: The Internet
Shelves: favorites
Funny and greatly unsettling. It made me laugh out loud while reading it, but didn't scare me until I was trying to walk though my house in the dark later that night.

I can't think of a way to summarize the plot and do it any justice, so instead I will randomly list a few things that you will find in this story: A car is stolen by a man made of cockroaches; a conversation is had with a disembodied soul via a hot dog; people in an alternate dimension wear clothing made of raw meat; a room full of
...more
Kelly (and the Book Boar)
If Harold and Kumar swapped some DNA with The Ghostbusters and were birthed by Hunter S. Thompson on a Hitchhiker's Guide through the galaxy, you might end up with something kind of close to John Dies at the End. I had ZERO expectations going in to this book. I knew nothing except what I read on the book jacket and the fact that Wil Wheaton didn't think it sucked. I ended up on a full throttle, high octane, wild, grotesque, hilarious, vulgar, long, strange journey and I'm so glad I did.
Scott
Dec 17, 2008 Scott rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
A terrific freaktale of supernatural I DO NOT KNOW WHAT HAPPENS HERE,
although the title is one of the most honest in history and I'm not spoiling for you here: the title is what it is.
If you like HP Lovecraft but think he's a bit too uptight and cannot write worth a crap, this is for you. If you liked the X-Files, but think there's not enough sexual tension and dick jokes, this is for you.

Seriously fun fun fun read.
Anthony Ryan
Apr 15, 2016 Anthony Ryan rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I really regret waiting so long to read this. Stands alongside Shaun of the Dead as one of the best examples of comedy horror ever produced.
Marvin
Feb 20, 2011 Marvin rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: horror
I must getting older. My tolerance for shit jokes and frat-boy humor is a lot less that it was a few years ago. John Dies at the End has a lot of that kind of humor. It also has a nifty alternate universe plot with yucky creatures trying to take over the earth. I laughed a lot while reading this but the disorganized structure and the huge amount of typos in this self-publicized ebook got a bit on my nerves. It's a very funny, very creative, but ultimately unsuccessful debut novel.
Ross
Apr 15, 2010 Ross rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is not a great work of literature, but the humor integrated into the horror and sci-fi elements really worked for me. I'd say if you enjoyed the Evil Dead movies, or Big Trouble in Little China, you'd probably enjoy this book. Be forewarned, the sense of humor is pretty low-brow, but it fits the characters.
Teresa Cantrell
Apr 25, 2016 Teresa Cantrell rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: favorites
This was so freaking awesome! I LOVED IT! I LOVED IT! I loved it! It has been moved to my top ten favorites. I had a blast reading this. It's not for everyone. If you don't like stupid comedies or shit that comes out of nowhere, then you just won't get it. If you do like those things then by all means, dude, you have to read this!
Kristin
Jul 03, 2012 Kristin rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: favorites
Ok, first things first: Don't read this if you dislike the three malevolent p's - piss, poo and penis humour. Because this book is crammed with it right up to the top.

...And, well, that's my story," I said. "I'm sorry that it's so, you know. Retarded.


You know, I really love some good ol' penis humour. But if that'd be the only thing great about this book, it probably would've gotten about three stars. Instead I'd like to award five stars, because it may be one of the best books I've read in quit
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She-Geeks: April 2016 Read (Bizarro): John Dies at the End 7 13 Apr 30, 2016 07:10AM  
Still Buffering: John Dies at the End 1 21 Apr 28, 2016 10:35AM  
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The Challenge Fac...: Krissy, VampAmber & Maya - John Dies at the End 27 13 Mar 15, 2016 01:41PM  
I Love My Humor D...: John Dies at the End 10 21 Feb 22, 2016 01:12AM  
Book Club: John Dies at the End 1 3 Oct 07, 2015 10:32AM  
  • Angel Dust Apocalypse
  • Occultation and Other Stories
  • The Sorrow King
  • Rx: A Tale of Electronegativity
  • Crooked Little Vein
  • Liminal States
  • Sibs
  • Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere
  • One Bloody Thing After Another
  • Punk Land
  • The Pilo Family Circus
  • Every Sigh, the End
  • Five Great Novels (The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch, Martian Time-Slip, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, Ubik, A Scanner Darkly)
  • You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News
  • Johannes Cabal The Necromancer (Johannes Cabal, #1)
  • Apathy and Other Small Victories
  • Night of the Living Trekkies
  • Demon Theory
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David Wong is the pseudonym of Jason Pargin. He is the Executive Editor of Cracked.com, author of John Dies at the End and the New York Times bestseller This Book is Full of Spiders. His third novel, Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits debuted on October 6 2015.

http://us.macmillan.com/author/davidwong

John Dies at the End was adapted into a feature film and debuted at the Sundance film festival in
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More about David Wong...

Other Books in the Series

John Dies at the End (2 books)
  • This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It (John Dies at the End, #2)

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