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Losing and Gaining

by Heidi Champa (Goodreads Author)

3.56 of 5 stars 3.56 · rating details · 45 ratings · 15 reviews

At three-hundred-sixty-seven pounds, Douglas Everett Smith spent his school years being teased and verbally abused almost every day. He was spared by no one, except for Jesse Billson, a classmate who treated him like a normal person. Douglas’s crush on Jesse kept him going when things got really tough, even though deep down he knew Jesse would never see him as anything oth...more

ebook, 169 pages

Published June 24th 2012 by Amber Allure

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Aug 02, 2012 Heller rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: contemporary, m-m

What a surprise this book was for me. I've never read any Champa books before but I'm hooked and I'm looking for more. I really enjoyed the writing style and characters.

Everett/Doug is an IT guy at a pharmacutical company. He works out daily and watches his calories. Gabi, his trainer and friend, is the only one who knows about his past and it's with her help over 2 years that he was able to drop all the weight he did. They have a sweet relationship and there's a nice secondary romance here wit...more What a surprise this book was for me. I've never read any Champa books before but I'm hooked and I'm looking for more. I really enjoyed the writing style and characters.

Everett/Doug is an IT guy at a pharmacutical company. He works out daily and watches his calories. Gabi, his trainer and friend, is the only one who knows about his past and it's with her help over 2 years that he was able to drop all the weight he did. They have a sweet relationship and there's a nice secondary romance here with Gabi and Everett's friend Matt.

There's difficult stuff to read here mostly as Everett thinks back on his childhood when he was extremely overweight and the bullying he suffered throughout his years at school. One bright spot during this time was his crush Jesse who treated him kindly but still never owned up to being his friend except when they were alone.

Everett has a hard time seeing the man he is now when in his mind he's still Doug. He can't gracefully accept compliments when he feels deep down he doesn't deserve them. There's quite a battle going on in his head that's fascinating to read.

Jesse comes back into his life as a new hire to the company. There's instant attraction there but Jesse doesn't recognize him as a Doug and Everett doesn't own up to it. There's tension there waiting for the shoe to drop. When will Jesse find out, how will he find out, how will he react?

Add to that fact that Everett is also a 27 year old virgin and he doesn't know how to bring that up without scaring away Jesse only adds to the tension.

I really loved Everett. He suffered quite a bit growing up, the bullying was horrendeous, but he's at a good place in his life if he could just accept it. I've never read a book with this kind of storyline before and I enjoyed the uniqueness of it.

I could understand Everett's reluctance to reveal himself but at the same time I could see the train wreck coming. I found this to be a really sweet read with well written dialogue and characters. Refreshing and recommended.

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Jul 05, 2012 Sadonna rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: mm, pdf, contemporary

3.5 stars. I liked this story for a number of reasons, but the most important one I think is that the writer captured well Doug/Everett's feelings of self-loathing and his slavery to the scale and food choices and his embarrassment at being overweight. Why would he want to tell his former crush - who didn't even recognize him - that he was a former fat person who felt he had only been pitied or the object of disgust in high school? While I don't think starting off any relationship with keeping s...more

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Jun 24, 2012 Lucy rated it 3 of 5 stars

Reviewed for Hearts On Fire Reviews

The author of this story did a fantastic job with Douglas Everett Smith. You are able to see the fat boy inside the fit man, because that’s how Evs sees himself. Even below his goal weight, he views himself as a fat person, self-conscious and ready to be ridiculed. He’s heartbreaking because he is all too real. A lifetime of being bullied, tormented and looked down on just can’t be erased overnight, even when he finally decides enough and begins to do something...more Reviewed for Hearts On Fire Reviews

The author of this story did a fantastic job with Douglas Everett Smith. You are able to see the fat boy inside the fit man, because that’s how Evs sees himself. Even below his goal weight, he views himself as a fat person, self-conscious and ready to be ridiculed. He’s heartbreaking because he is all too real. A lifetime of being bullied, tormented and looked down on just can’t be erased overnight, even when he finally decides enough and begins to do something about himself. He doesn’t handle compliments well, he is so self-deprecating that you want to scream, and he believes other people’s problems (Kurt the asshat) are his fault. As the story is told in first person from his point of view, it’s an on-target view of Ev’s body/confidence issues. When he hits that 150 pounds lost his trainer, Gabi, is ecstatic and is surprised that he isn’t more excited. But I could see it – he’s at his goal, isn’t his life supposed to be magically amazing now? He just broke my heart ¬sometimes. When he talks about the day he officially started feeling bad about himself every minute of every day, it’s a too familiar feeling for so many people. Like he says – you can hide some problems, but you can’t hide being fat. It’s just out there for everyone to see and complete strangers find it acceptable to let you know that you are fat, and how you can combat it. Can’t just quit food, after all.

The story was a solid four for me just due to Doug/Everett. It lost a half because his choice in men – both Kurt and Jesse – was just bad. Kurt is an out and out jerk and Evs deserved better. But then we move on to Jesse. Jesse doesn’t recognize Doug/Evs, which I could understand. He’s 150 pounds lighter, fit and it’s years after high school. Plus, they weren’t great friends. But then I felt like Jesse, with his comments about the stranger in the restaurant, hadn’t changed since high school, when he allowed his friends to treat Doug like crap and then would stop talking to Doug himself. Even at work, when supposedly he didn’t have Everett’s phone number so that’s why he avoided him for over a week, why wouldn’t he talk to him when the group was around (in the breakroom)? Why did he blow off the lunch? Suddenly when Everett is alone in the garage, THEN it’s okay to talk to him? I didn’t buy it.

When Evs is “outed” as Doug, so to speak, by a high school friend of Jesse’s at a party that Evs didn’t even know he was going to be attending, Jesse acts like a jerk and allows his very giant jerk of a brother to hit him? Really?

Doug’s reactions seemed real to me, in an “I don’t deserve better” way. Could completely see him going binging after that whole fiasco and giving up the gym. Why bother, if his life is the same? But he’s a lovely character, and I wanted something more for him. It’s a thought provoking story about how you view yourself.
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Jun 25, 2012 Roberta Williams rated it 4 of 5 stars

Wow. I really liked this book. I found Everett to be a sweet and compelling character. I could also totally relate to his not feeling comfortable in his own skin and I really loved how the author handled his transformation and did not turn him into something he wasn't just because he lost weight. But thn again, I'm a big fan of self-depricating humor. I thought the whole story was very well written and really made me feel like I was in Everett's head. Which wasn't always the easiest place to be....more

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Sep 24, 2012 Nikyta rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: amber-allure, armchair-reviews, angst, broken-to-bits, bubbles-safe, contemporary, deception-betrayal-lies-omissions, second-chances, m-m, separated-for-a-bit, undcvr-pretendintobesom1else-spying, unrequited-yearning, working-together-in-some-capacity, geeks-nerds, tear-jerker, multiple-pairings, published-on-amazon

This review can be found at The Armchair Reader.

Two years ago, at three hundred and sixty-seven pounds, Doug Smith had enough of being pitied and disgusted and finally did something to change all that. He turned his life around by moving to a new town, going by his middle name, Everett, and signing up for a gym. Now, he’s a hundred and fifty pounds lighter but still deals with the daily struggle of not eating anything and everything he wants. He’s also still the shy, nervous and secretive boy he...more This review can be found at The Armchair Reader.

Two years ago, at three hundred and sixty-seven pounds, Doug Smith had enough of being pitied and disgusted and finally did something to change all that. He turned his life around by moving to a new town, going by his middle name, Everett, and signing up for a gym. Now, he’s a hundred and fifty pounds lighter but still deals with the daily struggle of not eating anything and everything he wants. He’s also still the shy, nervous and secretive boy he was in high school. When his former crush and classmate, Jesse, gets hired at his job, he’s terrified of his past coming back to haunt him again. He doesn’t expect for Jesse not to recognize him nor for Jesse to find him attractive but after avoiding Jesse for several weeks, he finally agrees to a date. Soon their fledgling relationship starts becoming more serious. Unfortunately, Everett struggles with revealing to Jesse who he really is. Until the day all of Jesse’s former friends pop up and Everett gets outed before he’s ready to be, creating more hurt feelings than Everett expected.

One of the things I loved about this book was Everett. The way the author handled his feelings on his weight problems and his struggle to be where he is today was spot on, IMO. Everett loves and misses food but he wants to be normal more than he wants to indulge in sweets and junk food. I also felt like the author captured Everett’s downhill spiral accurately when things got messy with Jesse. It’s heartbreaking the self-loathing and disgust Everett has for himself, though. It made me cry because Everett is definitely harsher on himself than others are. Beyond that, Everett is a shy, inexperienced character. He’s a virgin and never been in a relationship. The one experience he had ends in his humiliation. When Jesse comes along, Everett is nervous he’ll screw things up because of what Jesse would think of a twenty-seven year old virgin and the rejection if Jesse found out he used to be Doug.

I liked Jesse to a certain extent. I loved how he handled Everett’s vulnerability and how sweet and kind he was to Everett most of the time. Unfortunately, that was usually only when him and Everett were alone. One of the things I didn’t like about Jesse was how dismissive and cold he was when around others. Especially at work. And around his friends and family he seemed more focused on hanging out with them than being around Everett. He seemed more like the jock he was instead of the ‘changed’ man he is now. But he was very gentle and caring towards and with Everett. There are definitely some sweet moments within this story and ultimately he helps Everett come to terms with who he was and who he is now.

Beyond that, the only other thing I didn’t like about the story was how it glossed over much of the more important scenes (at least to me) like the meeting of both sets of parents, Rodney’s apology to Everett and when/where Jesse asked Everett to move in. Granted, the epilogue was very cute and made me smile so I’m glad we at least got that but I just wished the rest would have been fleshed out because I would have loved to see how everyone took their relationship after what happened and such.

All in all, this is both a heartbreaking and heartwarming story. Heartbreaking because of Everett’s self-loathing but heartwarming because of his ultimate acceptance of merging the fat boy he was into the healthy, fit man he is now and finally accepting his past self. The secondary characters, Matt and Gabi, make the story come alive and help it move along when things heat up as well as add funny moments to the plot. The tension and chemistry between Jesse and Everett is hot and believable especially since its dabbles a bit with an unrequited crush.(less)

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Jun 24, 2012 Chris rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012, gay, ebook, romance, done

2.5 stars. Ok m/m romance about a guy who's always been obese until finally, at age 25 (two years before the story starts), he decides to reinvent himself by eating better, working out, getting a new job, and changing his name. Too bad you can't escape the past quite that easily... I thought this had a lot of potential, but I got frustrated with the main character's doormat nature. People using each other's names too much in conversation was an additional frustration.

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Jun 25, 2012 Vio rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: sweet, sad, cute, lovable

3.5 stars
I think I would have enjoyed this more if there was less talking to Gabi at the gym and his boring IT work. It was a chore for Everett and also for me at times even though I do get it was for his own good. More focus on the relationship between Jesse and Everett would have been an improvement in getting a better feel for them both. Still a good little romance, worthwhile to see Everett's hard work has paid off and how far he has come.

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Sep 29, 2012 Diane rated it 4 of 5 stars

I loved this book, I completely understand where the main character was coming from of wanting to reinvent himself after his childhood of being bullied (I've thought of it many times myself through my life!).

As fate would have it, one of the good things from his past makes an appearance in his present, but he does not admit the truth of who he is and the history they have. While you understand why, at the same time, you know that it is not going to go well when Jesse finds out Everett is actuall...more

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Jul 01, 2012 Rachel rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: contemp-m-m, romance-m-m

I really liked this, loved the plot and the idea. I did get annoyed at how Jesse said Everett's name almost every time he spoke and thought there was too much Gabbi. Still, a sweet read and I liked the ending.

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Jun 25, 2012 Perpetua rated it 2 of 5 stars

This had great potential but after a while I got tired of Everett always putting himself down and the speech sounded really wooden and unrealistic. Also Jesse was a prat about his brother!

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Aug 06, 2012 Hearts On Fire Reviews added it

Reviewed by: Lucy
Genre: M/M Contemporary
Rated: 3.5 hearts

Check out the review at: Hearts On Fire Reviews

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Aug 03, 2012 Dee J. rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book has a theme that's familiar to the most of us, and i liked the story. This is my first book that i read by this author but it certainly will not be the last.

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Sep 25, 2012 MsMiz (Tina) rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: glbt-all, kindle-mobi

2.5

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Mar 12, 2013 Bogusia rated it 4 of 5 stars

I won this book in the Big-Ass Holiday Author Giveaway™-Thank you so much Heidi :D xxx

When I read the description of the book I knew I had to read it.
I liked Everett and Jesse a lot and their story is cute and held my attention.
4 stars because I would have liked a little more history or interaction between the MCs and their friends and family, especially with an ass-hat Rodney!!!.

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May 16, 2013 J♥J marked it as to-read

May 07, 2013 Ashlee added it

May 06, 2013 DarienMoya marked it as m-m-owned-to-be-read

May 05, 2013 Kathleenrb marked it as to-read

May 02, 2013 Trenee rated it 2 of 5 stars

Apr 27, 2013 Jeydaa rated it 3 of 5 stars

Apr 27, 2013 MariDAcanto marked it as to-read

Apr 20, 2013 Sam marked it as own-not-read-yet

Apr 20, 2013 Shannon marked it as maybe

Apr 19, 2013 Liexo marked it as to-read

Apr 18, 2013 Alex Hahn added it

Shelves: bought-own, m-m-contemporary

Apr 16, 2013 Kellie Dennis marked it as to-read

Shelves: my-books

Apr 15, 2013 Crystal rated it 4 of 5 stars

Apr 14, 2013 Laurita rated it 4 of 5 stars

May 01, 2013 Cap'n Muchiko rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: mm

Apr 13, 2013 Bookbee marked it as wish-list

Shelves: p, hmmmm

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About Heidi Champa

Heidi Champa is a typical last-born child. Snarky, attention-seeking and rebellious, she started to create dirty stories to keep herself out of real trouble. Having tried her hand at a million terrible jobs, she bought herself a laptop and finally started typing up those handwritten tales. After much deliberation, she started to let other people read her work.

In addition to her flare with the wri...more

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