Beautiful Wreck: Sex, Lies & Suicide

This is the sort of book you instantly relate to: the story of a young woman growing up and trying her best to get by, financially and emotionally. This young woman happens to be a lesbian and a manic depressive, and it portrays both worlds perfectly for those who haven't experienced them (she also has Tourettes, but this plays a less important role). More than that, though, it's a very helpful tale, and I would recommend it to anyone struggling with mental illness.

The book follows Stephanie fro

This is the sort of book you instantly relate to: the story of a young woman growing up and trying her best to get by, financially and emotionally. This young woman happens to be a lesbian and a manic depressive, and it portrays both worlds perfectly for those who haven't experienced them (she also has Tourettes, but this plays a less important role). More than that, though, it's a very helpful tale, and I would recommend it to anyone struggling with mental illness.

The book follows Stephanie from failed relationship to failed relationship, to eventually yet another failed relationship. She writes honestly and graphically, giving a lovely picture of her view of her world. She doesn't seem to have any perspective on how her partners feel at anytime, or stop to wonder why they did what they did. She goes into blaming rage. For instance, in her first relationship, which was obviously unhealthy, Stephanie tells her couples therapist her tale of domestic woe. The therapist thinks she's insane and becomes the abusive significant other's personal therapist. Now, Ms. Schroeder is obviously not insane, but maybe she should have stepped back and looked at why he might think that--maybe she was at fault too.

My favorite parts are when the author is cycling rapidly in her bipolar cycle. One scene in particular, where she starts writing on the walls and then everywhere else, really connected with me (I often get the urge to do the same--and sometimes do, to a lesser extent). Inside a mental home after her third suicide attempt, we get a look into how outdated and downright unhealthy the U.S. mental health care services are. It had been stated that medication is optional, then nurses pin a woman down and shoot her up with medication. At one point, a man tries to break into the author's room to sexually harass her and her roommate. The fact that this can happen is unacceptable.

Another facet of the book people don't often get to read about is that of unwanted motherhood. It obviously bothers (or at least, bothered) Ms. Shroeder a great deal. On the one hand, there is this child she absolutely doesn't want from a mother she is growing not to stand. On the other hand, she raises the child and grows attached to him--more than it seems like in the book, I think. Is it selfish not to visit often when his mother is harassing her? After all, it's not legally her kid anymore. These issues are explored, though I would have liked to read more about it.

I was glad I got the opportunity to read this book for its content, but sometimes the writing style just did not sit well with me. So many times things unnecessarily ended with ellipses. I write in books I own; I started circling them eventually. Sometimes the beginnings of chapters are written in the present tense as some kind of hook, before changing back to past. Things like "was running" instead of "ran" where it made no sense not to use the more active version. I may be getting overly picky, but it was enough to diminish my enjoyment slightly. Also, I disliked when she printed bits of her journals. I know it was to make the account more personal, but I could hardly make out what they said. In her journal, Ms. Shroeder does not write like the writer she is. She writes in shorthand. Besides, the account was very personal and deeply touching without them. I hope you all take the time to read about this strong woman's struggle--I always think it's brave when someone puts their story out into the world, especially one with so many details close to the author.

I received this book through Goodreads First Reads program. It did not effect my review in any way.

I have a crisis, scheme, idea or depression.. subway riders viewing my grotesque facial grimaces + head twisting staring me in the face in my 37th year. I prefer death, nothing less than the face of hate, the fate of hate, the stench of death. Live = Death
Life = Death
Death = Freedom

I have a crisis, scheme, idea or depression.. subway riders viewing my grotesque facial grimaces + head twisting staring me in the face in my 37th year. I prefer death, nothing less than the face of hate, the fate of hate, the stench of death. Live = Death
Life = Death
Death = Freedom

The most important thing I’ve learned is that I always have options. And I am free to leave an unsatisfactory situation, whether it be personal or professional any time I want or need. I also know I can be me, just me, Stephanie Schroeder, and not something or someone anyone else wants me to be.