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The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You

3.87  ·  Rating Details ·  717 Ratings  ·  46 Reviews
Do you fall in love hard, but fear intimacy? Are you sick of being told that you are “too sensitive”? Do you struggle to respect a less-sensitive partner? Or have you given up on love, afraid of being too sensitive or shy to endure its wounds?

Statistics show that 50 percent of what determines divorce is genetic temperament. And, if you are one of the 20 percent of people w
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Paperback, 261 pages
Published January 9th 2001 by Harmony (first published January 1st 1996)
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The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. AronQuiet by Susan CainThe Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine N. AronThe Highly Sensitive Person in Love by Elaine N. AronThe Undervalued Self by Elaine N. Aron
Best Books For Sensitive People
4th out of 8 books — 3 voters
Dewey by Vicki MyronJames and the Giant Peach by Roald DahlSarah, Plain and Tall by Patricia MacLachlanThe Giant's House by Elizabeth McCrackenSnow White and the Seven Dwarfs by Walt Disney Company
Height in titles
82nd out of 134 books — 7 voters


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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 2,332)
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Sherri
Sep 23, 2011 Sherri rated it it was amazing
Shelves: library-returned
Favorite quote - regarding HSP and HSS

"...living my life with one foot on the gas and one foot on the brakes..."
Harry Allagree
Aug 03, 2013 Harry Allagree rated it liked it
I found this to be a useful book, and the author to be well-versed & respectful in her presentation of the dynamics of Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) in their pursuit of suitable relationships and genuine love. The exercises which Dr. Aron provides were helpful. Overall her explanations were generally clear and, in my opinion, pretty much right-on, though I have some slight alternative views especially regarding her last chapter on the spiritual path of HSPs. On the other hand, I found much ...more
Teresa
Feb 14, 2012 Teresa rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
If you can make it past Elaine Aron's decidedly touchy-feely writing style this book is well worth the effort. Though the primary focus of the book is on romantic relationships, the author does a very good job of making the book's content applicable across all sorts of relationships. Interesting insights include: a discussion of why high sensitivity tends to result in varying degrees of intimacy phobia, a chapter on high sensitivity and sexuality, and a compelling breakdown of how sensitivity pl ...more
Therese
I didn't read this book all through, but skimmed it. The big insight for me was that the high sensitivity trait (which is clearly one I have) can combine with another trait called high sensation-seeking, meaning that one seeks "varied, novel, complex, and intense sensations and experiences" and is willing "to take physical, social, legal, and financial risks for the sake of experience." The two traits are independent of each other, so you can have both or neither or one but not the other. But if ...more
Patrick
Aug 24, 2012 Patrick rated it really liked it
This book changed my life.

JDN 2456163 EDT 15:48.

A review of The Highly Sensitive Person in Love

I mean that quite literally: While I only finished reading it, already I am re-evaluating whole swaths of my experience and restructuring fundamental notions of my identity as a result. It was like looking at a page full of dots that made no sense before, and suddenly seeing them coalesce into a coherent image. Afterward, I couldn't make the image go away if I tried.

I am a sensitive. Elaine Aron would
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Catherine
Oct 13, 2014 Catherine rated it it was amazing
While I don't care for the chapters that generalize Freud-like about one's parents and the gender stereotypes, Chapter 7 alone was worth the price of the book! I was I'd read this book before I'd gotten married. My ex and I invented the word "overwhelmation" to describe what was happening to me during most of our relationship, and I now know that I cannot live with a high-maintenance, high stimulation seeking personality. Sad to have it turn out the way it did, but good to know that I am not cra ...more
Justin
Mar 28, 2015 Justin rated it really liked it
Shelves: psychology
Aron writes about her research on the Highly Sensitive Person in the context of love and interpersonal relationships. She recaps a bit of the basic concepts covered in The Highly Sensitive Person, and goes into more depth about how HSPs go about their relationships. Again, I am hesistant to agree with Aron's label, and prefer something more like Introvert, but anyone falling into this approximate category can relate. Given my social psychological and therapy interest in the topic, this book had ...more
Catherine
Feb 06, 2012 Catherine rated it really liked it
This book was so good, I took 5 pages of notes from it. If I had the time, I'd start from scratch and read it again.
I can only hope to absorb the knowledge fully and use it in all future relationships.
Nikki
Aug 20, 2013 Nikki rated it did not like it
After having read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, which is a great book, I became interested in learning more about HSPs. Aron's work is discussed in the book and I was hoping for further insight into HSPs since I score pretty high on the "test". However, I felt as though Quiet detailed just about everything interesting about HSP work and studies thus far considering what is contained within this book. I should note that I do not like self-help books, they rath ...more
Hanne
I discovered Aron's work and her book through reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. In Quiet, Susan Cain talks about Hypersensitivity in a very positive and realistic way I recognized myself in, and it made me want to read this book to learn even more. So i read the general book on highly sensitive people, and was disappointed by that book, but given that i still recognized myself, i still wanted to learn more and gave another library book a shot.

This book wa
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Ray
Apr 24, 2016 Ray rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2016
If you can get past the old-fashionedness and genderedness/heteronormativity, there's some helpful stuff here.
Jessie
Mar 21, 2015 Jessie rated it liked it
This is the third book I've read by Elaine Aron, and I continue to come away with the same thoughts - I am definitely an HSP (highly sensitive person) and many of the insights Aron offers have been reassuring or thought-provoking for me. BUT... her overall writing style makes me loathe picking up the book again to keep reading. It's hard to put my finger on but something along the lines of too repetitive, too psych-babbly, too woo-woo at times.

I give it 3 stars because, again, I think there are
...more
J-no
Dec 08, 2013 J-no rated it liked it
Decidedly touchy-feeling, but full of wisdom. Instead of providing a medical diagnosis with judgement, this book allows people to reframe anxiety into over-arousal and understand how this affects how an individual interacts with his/herself and with their most intimate loved ones. This is a very useful read for anyone who is anxious, sensitive, or an introvert to help them start viewing themselves in a more positive light about our place in this fast-paced modern world.
Susie
Sep 16, 2007 Susie rated it it was amazing
I learned that high sensitivity is actually somewhat common, and established by research. Full of many helpful insights about how sensitivity affects relationships, especially romantic ones.
Katicritter
Apr 03, 2013 Katicritter rated it it was amazing
this book helped me understand a major part of my personality that I saw as a flaw to be fixed or hidden. I now have permission to be me.
Bridgett
Jul 20, 2009 Bridgett rated it liked it
Shelves: psychology
A look at different kinds of relationships and relationship issues when at least one person involved is highly sensitive.
Hollybeth
Apr 15, 2013 Hollybeth rated it really liked it
Eye-opening and a comfort. A must-read for anyone who's been called sensitive.
Monica
Jan 02, 2016 Monica rated it it was amazing
Originally posted on Learning to Love Anywhere

At the end of last year, I found out that I am an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) which has helped me in every aspect of my life. I can now understand when I am getting overwhelmed, how to understand myself, and how to improve myself and gain confidence in what I do. I know some of my readers are also HSPs or INJF (which is my Myers-Briggs Type, but is often very similar to HSP descriptions) and it really made me feel like part of a community rather t
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Laurene Camacho
Aug 23, 2016 Laurene Camacho rated it it was amazing
I enjoyed this book quite a bit. I found it more informational than Dr. Aron's first book, "The Highly Sensitive Person," though I feel this book is important for foundational understanding of the HSP personality trait. "The HSP in Love" is an important book for HSP's because the information can be applied to all relationships, not just romantic. Information empowers us all.
Lynn
Jan 07, 2016 Lynn rated it liked it
For the most part I found this book very informative to understanding HSP in relationships. Although the description includes that the book is a read for all, including those not in a marriage or partner relationship, I did find myself skipping all the mid-chapters which focused on romantic relationships. So, please take into account I didn't completely read this book from cover to cover. I found the book was heavy on describing the HSP in relationship, but slightly low on how to be in relations ...more
Tom
Feb 18, 2014 Tom rated it liked it
a follow up book to "the highly sensitive person" but stands alone, adding specific ideas and suggestions, not just "in love" but for close relationships in general. good thoughts for sensitive people. new concept for me was that; we are born with a level of sensitivity but that introvert and extrovert characteristics are learned.
Milja
Feb 17, 2015 Milja rated it liked it
Shelves: 2015
Olen selkeästi HSP, mutta en löytänyt itseäni tämän kirjan parisuhde- tai kiintymyskategorioista. Jotkut asiat olivat liian itsestäänselvyyksiä, parien kuvaukset ja monet liibalaabat tylsiä. Olen monessa mielessä kovin erilainen HSP kuin Aron. Pari uutta oivallusta, mutta ei mitään mullistavaa. Kiinnostavin oli elämyshakuisuustesti. Odotin tältä kirjalta enemmän.
Kerry
Aug 22, 2014 Kerry rated it it was amazing
A worthwhile read for therapists, clinicians, and social workers to expand their concepts around temperament. will give you a peek into the world of some of your clients that you may or may not share.
Olivia
Jan 15, 2014 Olivia rated it liked it
Read this over the weekend - actually, very helpful, as long as you take it with a grain of salt (though fairly well researched, it is a highly anecdotal self-help book).

As a person who cannot stand listening to the tv or radio while having a conversation with someone, this addressed a lot of what I cannot filter out, and also explained another dimension of my moderate-extrovert personality.
Melanie
Sep 05, 2015 Melanie rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I thought some of the Jungian analysis at the end was a bit far-fetched for my taste, but on the whole, this was a revelatory book for me. Now my reactions to certain situations make more sense, and it's given me something to think about in the context of my relationships, whether romantic or non-romantic. I think that despite what the title may suggest, this is a worthwhile read for anyone, not necessarily someone who is currently in a relationship. Glad I read it!
Mai
Oct 01, 2014 Mai rated it it was amazing
According to this amazing eye-opening book i'm a HSP & HSS with very high scores on both
I'm certainly going to read other two books too
Tina Rieman
Apr 14, 2016 Tina Rieman rated it it was amazing
This book was really helpful in helping me understand myself better and accept my sensitivity as a gift, since our society does not. Thank you, Elaine.
Shavawn Berry
Mar 27, 2016 Shavawn Berry rated it it was amazing
This explains a lot about my romantic life. Or lack thereof.

Now I understand why I've felt the way I've felt, as well as why I've had issues with most of the men I've encountered, whether they were HSPs or not. It's nice to finally know there's nothing wrong with me.

Enough said.
JanaSpi
Finally understanding my reactions and sensitivity to certain things after reading this book.
Nabil
Jun 22, 2016 Nabil rated it really liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
I'm an HSP in a relationship with another HSP, and I'd say that we deal with about 1/3 of the challenges she offers solutions for in this book. This book is very enlightening, and I get as much out of the chapters that don't apply to my relationship as the ones that do; therefore, I imagine it would be just as useful for a single person. The only criticism I would offer is that it is very heteronormative. She mentions that there are differences in the way HSPs of different genders relate to each ...more
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“Extremely intense love is often rejected by the beloved just because it is so demanding and unrealistic.” 4 likes
“The way to come to tolerate and then enjoy being involved in the world is by being in the world.” 1 likes
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