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Can Love Last?: The Fate of Romance over Time
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Can Love Last?: The Fate of Romance over Time

3.99  ·  Rating Details  ·  210 Ratings  ·  17 Reviews
Common wisdom has it that love is fragile, but leading psychoanalyst Stephen A. Mitchell argues that romance doesn't actually diminish in long-term relationships—it becomes increasingly dangerous. What we regard as the transience of love is really risk management. Mitchell shows that love can endure, if only we become aware of our self-destructive efforts to protect oursel ...more
Paperback, 224 pages
Published February 17th 2003 by W. W. Norton & Company (first published 2002)
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Roger I read this book a few years ago now but I recall it was basically around building friendships within your closest partner. That you must keep…moreI read this book a few years ago now but I recall it was basically around building friendships within your closest partner. That you must keep spontaneity alive, often by putting yourself out of your comfort zone as with keeping your life 'interesting' by engaging in new hobbies and reading new books etc you should also do these things within your relationship.

I found it to help me not only with intimate sexual partnerships but also platonic relationships too.(less)
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Feb 11, 2014 Princessjay rated it really liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
A neo-psychoanalytical take on the vicissitude of love and romance. Mitchell's foundation argument is, romance requires spontaneity and uncertainty. We contain within our psyche simultaneously the longing for romance and adventure, as well the craving for stability and predictability, which in turn stifles romantic love. The more we love someone, the more we let them in to know us beneath our skin, the greater risk of unbearable pain at potential rejection. Most of us are wired to contain and le ...more
Oct 29, 2008 Kent rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: everyone
this book is really good, very accessible. Although its more of a philosophical than a self-help book. I skipped around to cherry-pick the case studies and then ended up re-reading the whole book from the beginning. I like his idea that passion in long term relationships doesn't dissipate because of familiarity -- the conventional wisdom -- but because it's risky to experience reckless physical abandon with somebody that you depend on for emotional and material stability. But what is the solutio ...more
Jun 03, 2015 Dolly rated it it was amazing
Shelves: psychology
I have read a lot of books about relationships and love. This is the best without a question. It is a serious study, not a self-help crap about how to get married. This is real, so real it can hurt, but it will give you so much perspective. It is a must. Stephen Mitchell of course is a psychoanalyst, one of the most important of the 20th-21st Century, so he knows that he is talking about.
Robert Downes
Mar 19, 2008 Robert Downes rated it it was amazing
Shelves: therapy-texts
Mitchell narrates the dilemmas of intimacy, love and relationship. He doesn't answer the question for us, he just opens up the territory for our exploration. A must read.
Sep 13, 2007 Nicko rated it really liked it

Many can love and they can desire but cannot experience both love and desire with the same person at the same time Freud noted “Where they love they have no desire where they desire they cannot love” We experience both deeply affectionate love and intensely passionate desire but often not at the same time not in relation to the same person Yet romance requires both love and desire

When people complain of dead and lifeless marriages it is often possible to show how precious the dead
Ken Kavanagh
May 26, 2016 Ken Kavanagh rated it really liked it
An insightful and compassionate account of a brilliant physiatrist's various patients and their emotional and sexual struggles, essential reading for anyone who has difficultly maintaining or entering into intimate relationships.
Sharon Filadelfia
Aug 05, 2014 Sharon Filadelfia rated it it was amazing
ok so - wow. Stephen Mitchell was clearly a genius and taken way too early. If I could have read only one book to help me understand the way things are (for me) in any relationship- familial, platonic or romantic, this would have been the one. I had many aha moments while slowly digesting this book. Not at first a page turner for me, but once I got into his rhythm and began to understand the overall premise - wow. Could not put it down. I won't spoil it by handing to you what I think the thesis ...more
Lucy Wightman
Sep 24, 2011 Lucy Wightman rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: inspiring
Stephen Mitchell died a sudden and early death. This was his final book. In graduate school I was subjected to his lengthy books on object relational theory, many of them weighed over 5 pounds. This book is a complete departure from his theorist self, although it is theoretical. A book that is before its time - amazing, and one to keep on the shelves.
Alissa Elliott
Jun 12, 2013 Alissa Elliott rated it it was amazing
If you have ever fallen in or out of love, and especially if you have ever fallen out of love and fall subsequently in love and hope not to fall out of love this time, this book is for you.
Apr 24, 2007 jim rated it it was amazing
Probably the most profound book on relationships I've ever read.
Ken Hamm
May 01, 2013 Ken Hamm rated it really liked it
Very deliberate and thoughtful read. I enjoyed it.
Aug 28, 2011 Nate added it
Re-reading this because it is worth it.
Kimberlee Auerbach
Aug 04, 2008 Kimberlee Auerbach rated it it was amazing
Challenging, but important.
Sep 01, 2007 Jacob rated it liked it
Shelves: smart-and-clear
i [heart] stephen mitchell
Feb 18, 2013 Lauretta marked it as to-read
Shelves: professional
dalton psych rec
Dec 06, 2009 Veronica rated it it was amazing
A philosophical book that is pretty heavy. Worth reading for anyone who wants to expand their thinking as to what keeps long-term love going and passionate and what stifles passion. I learned just how powerful fear is and how much it can hold you back from risking and doing what you really want to do in a relationship. Also, that I can choose to or not to face my fears. At the end of the day, I am the one that has to live with myself and my choices.
Demola Sholagbade
Jun 02, 2013 Demola Sholagbade rated it it was amazing
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