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Big Maria

by Johnny Shaw (Goodreads Author)

4.13 of 5 stars 4.13 · rating details · 161 ratings · 55 reviews

Somewhere in Arizona's Chocolate Mountains lie the Big Maria Mine and a wealth of gold lost for a hundred years. There's only one problem: those mountains are now the home of the US Army Proving Ground, the world's largest active artillery range. But for Harry, Ricky, and Frank, three down-at-the-heels guys with few dollars but plenty of dreams, the gold offers each of the...more

Paperback, 331 pages

Published September 25th 2012 by Thomas & Mercer

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Nov 15, 2012 Kemper rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012, humor, rednecks, crime-mystery

Three men who are down on their luck go looking for gold in the mountains of a desert.

“Badges? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinking badges!”

No, no, this isn't The Treasure of the Sierra Madre. The characters in this have far more in common with Donald Westlake’s luckless thief Dortmunder than they do with Humphrey Bogart.

In a little shit splat of a town, Harry is a prison guard scamming disability checks that he uses to finance his drinking. Fran...more Three men who are down on their luck go looking for gold in the mountains of a desert.

“Badges? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinking badges!”

No, no, this isn't The Treasure of the Sierra Madre. The characters in this have far more in common with Donald Westlake’s luckless thief Dortmunder than they do with Humphrey Bogart.

In a little shit splat of a town, Harry is a prison guard scamming disability checks that he uses to finance his drinking. Frank is an elderly Native American who is more scared of his angry overbearing daughter than he is of the cancer that is killing him. Ricky isn't too bright but dearly loves his wife and daughter and hopes to someday get them out of the trailer park they’re living in.

While lying in an alley outside a bar with puke in his pants, Harry overhears a conversation that gets him interested in the gold mines of the nearby Chocolate Mountains, and he decides that’s the way to change his fortunes. When circumstances bring Rick and Frank into the plan, Frank reveals some family history that gives them a clue to a fortune in gold that might be hidden away in the old Big Maria mine.

The problem is that the Big Maria is located in the middle of the mountains where the US military tests out all of its artillery, bombs, and mines. Their efforts to locate the gold result in a dark comedy of errors and explosions.

Like his first novel Dove Season, Johnny Shaw has written a very funny story set in the desert country of the California/Arizona border populated with a collection of misfits and losers. The great thing about it is that Shaw makes you care about these people and their struggle to improve their lives and doesn't treat them like cartoon cliches.

There are a lot of twists to the story that is often funny and graphically gross, usually at the same time. The ending was somewhat abrupt, and I liked Dove Season a bit more than this one. Still it’s a fun read and a humorous story about guys seeking their fortunes with grim determination no matter what life throws at them.

Full disclosure: I have done an unpaid review for the Blood & Tacos quarterly e-magazine that Johnny Shaw edits and writes for.
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Aug 10, 2012 Gary Taylor rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

'Treasure of the Sierra Madre’ for a new generation

At the risk of teasing potential readers with an impossible comparison, no review of Johnny Shaw’s new novel, BIG MARIA, can be offered without a salute to one of American literature’s classic tales. Themes and characterizations from B. Traven’s 1927 novel and the classic 1948 movie Treasure of the Sierra Madre echo throughout Shaw’s story of three losers overcoming multiple obstacles in modern America to search for their lost gold mine. As a st...more 'Treasure of the Sierra Madre’ for a new generation

At the risk of teasing potential readers with an impossible comparison, no review of Johnny Shaw’s new novel, BIG MARIA, can be offered without a salute to one of American literature’s classic tales. Themes and characterizations from B. Traven’s 1927 novel and the classic 1948 movie Treasure of the Sierra Madre echo throughout Shaw’s story of three losers overcoming multiple obstacles in modern America to search for their lost gold mine. As a student of film, Shaw would likely cringe at the challenge of trying to match the epic standard of a film selected for preservation by the National Film Registry and the Library of Congress as “culturally, historically or aesthetically significant.” Treasure of the Sierra Madre deserves a defining place in our literary heritage, but there’s no way to ignore its presence as the unnamed elephant stomping in the background of BIG MARIA. Not to worry. Shaw has done an admirable job of updating that basic plotline, following it to craft a novel as entertaining as it is literary.

If you require a sympathetic hero to follow, however, you might look elsewhere. Initial reviews of Treasure had the same reaction in 1948, chiding Humphrey Bogart for his decision to play a greedy prospector willing to trade his moral compass for a sack of gold. But we don’t enjoy The Sopranos because Tony is a role model. I don’t always need to root for a hero. Interesting characters get the job done for me. And frankly I’m bored with books featuring some former CIA agent righting all the world’s wrongs or a ponytailed Special Agent Sugar Britches karate chopping her way to justice. But here’s a trio of earthly salt, described by Shaw as men for whom “success had become unrecognizable” while united in a Quixotic quest that should lead them all to the grave instead of riches.

Seeking review parallels from Treasure, I found these lines by Simon Davis on Amazon to honor the film’s DVD release, calling it a “spellbinding study of human nature in its raw form.” He describes Treasure as “a gritty, rugged three-character study of the lengths that individuals will go in the pursuit of wealth”--and the same could be said about BIG MARIA.

Shaw’s story also includes shades of Elmore Leonard and Carl Hiaasen for those who enjoy eccentric characters and wisecracks. In the end, however, BIG MARIA emerges most importantly as a novel for everyone who realizes the search can be more rewarding than the treasure itself.
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Feb 08, 2013 James Thane rated it 4 of 5 stars

This is Johnny Shaw's second novel, following his excellent debut, Dove Season. Again Shaw demonstrates his gift for weaving pathos with drop-dead humor and his ability to create memorable characters who are very sympathetic even though most of them are total losers.

Big Maria basically amounts to Treasure of Sierra Madre meets a Chevy Chase vacation movie. Harry Schmittberger is on medical leave from his job as a guard at the Chuckawalla Valley State Prison. He is living on his disability checks...more

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Dec 30, 2012 Starr Reina added it

The point of fiction is to use one’s imagination—not only the author but the reader is required to imagine situations. So we would ask our current peruser to imagine the following: pretend the late Donald Westlake sketched out his wildest, craziest, funniest Dortmunder novel, and then instead of writing it himself, asked gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson to actually write it. You would then have “Big Maria,” one of the funniest, wildest, comic-caper adventures we have stumbled across in a long...more The point of fiction is to use one’s imagination—not only the author but the reader is required to imagine situations. So we would ask our current peruser to imagine the following: pretend the late Donald Westlake sketched out his wildest, craziest, funniest Dortmunder novel, and then instead of writing it himself, asked gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson to actually write it. You would then have “Big Maria,” one of the funniest, wildest, comic-caper adventures we have stumbled across in a long time.

We start, as we must, with a disparate group of losers—three main ones, and a handful of assorted peripherals. We love and feel sorry for these poor shlubs. Shaw has created three Joe Btfsplks (look it up!) who think they are getting their big and only break, in an otherwise rained-upon life, and who go through all kinds of comic hell in order to—uh, uh, no spoilers here. This is a wonderfully plotted and always eagerly enthusiastic adventure as our three non-heroes try to discover a lost gold mine. But there’s more than that—there’s pathos, good will, laugh-out-loudities, and a thoroughly entertaining, don’t-want-it-to-end roller-coaster ride as our three shlubs shlubbily go about trying to make themselves (and the world) a better place.

On the cooking competition show CHOPPED, even when a chef prepares a perfect dish, the judges are compelled to find something to complain about. So here we go: yes, it’s 2012, we think, and in a post-Sopranos and ex-Deadwood world, people spout obscenities the way they spout carbon dioxide.

Your reviewer was not bothered by the frequent blueness of the language, but fans who never got past Agatha Christie might be put off by the very frequent scatological references and good old four-letter words. Still, they are all introduced well within the context of the plot; because, to be honest, we would say the same things under the same circumstances!

In short, “Big Maria” is a delightful, cheerful way to spend a couple of hours, rooting for these three poor lovable schmucks as they try to achieve the impossible. Do they? We don’t remember—read the book.

Reviewed by Elliott Capon, author of “Prince of Horror” published by Suspense Publishing, an imprint of Suspense Magazine
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Dec 04, 2012 Pat Connid rated it 4 of 5 stars

The novel BIG MARIA came to me via Amazon recommendations.

Initially, these types of "recommendations" either just give me pause or grip me in such a panic, anyone nearby would yank their wallet out in an effort to stuff it between my teeth.

Thankfully, BIG MARIA was recommended to me based upon recent purchases on the site itself (and not based upon information that may or may not have been culled from my Internet browser history).

Shaw has crafted a very fine and funny book with three strong, dis...more

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Nov 20, 2012 Chris rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012

synopsis taken from the back cover of the book

Somewhere is Arizona's Chocolate Mountains lie the Big Maria Mine and a wealth of gold lost for a hundred years. There's only one problem: those mountains are now the home of the US Army Proving Ground, the world's largest active artillery range. But for Harry, Ricky, and Frank, three down-at-the-heels guys with few dollars but plenty of dreams, the gold offers each of them a chance for a new life.

Are scuba diving through an underwater ghost town; fa...more
synopsis taken from the back cover of the book

Somewhere is Arizona's Chocolate Mountains lie the Big Maria Mine and a wealth of gold lost for a hundred years. There's only one problem: those mountains are now the home of the US Army Proving Ground, the world's largest active artillery range. But for Harry, Ricky, and Frank, three down-at-the-heels guys with few dollars but plenty of dreams, the gold offers each of them a chance for a new life.

Are scuba diving through an underwater ghost town; facing down a hungry mountain lion;doing the hesitation waltz across a minefield; matching wits with potheads, pit bulls, and bikers; and braving the might of Uncle Sam's full arsenal worth it? With little more than a samurai sword, a severed head, and an impractical amount of optimism, these intrepid soldiers of (mis)fortune are about to find out.

why I started reading this book

Amanda asked me if I might be interested....and of course, I said "sure". I was also excited to see that Tana French, author of In the Woods and Faithful Place wrote a review for Big Maria.

my thoughts

I like loser characters, lost gold mines, impossible odds, and underwater ghost towns. But it just did not work for me in this book. The problems these guys had came one after another; bam, bam, bam. The situations were too improbable, which works if you get the humor. I mean, Harry's last name was Schmittberger, and there were pages and pages devoted to jokes about the poor guy's name. Schmittberger, Shitberger - get it? I know. Pretty bad. I almost always enjoy reading male authors as well as female authors. That is why it pains me to say that most of the humor and jokes in the book are boys' locker room stuff. No wonder the dedication page is "For the Fellas". Possibly guys would get more chuckles with the storyline. There was just too much disjointed action going on constantly. And, I felt sorry for the donkeys. The donkeys were great. (less)

1 like · like · see review

Sep 08, 2012 Randy rated it 5 of 5 stars

Big Maria is a long lost gold mine and three men, Harry, Ricky, and Frank are going looking for it. Each man has his own problems that cause them to make the decision.

Harry is an ex-prison guard on workman's comp and he's trying to nurse it as long as he can. His leg has already healed, but he keeps getting the checks. Now they want him to come in for an examination before any more government checks flow his way.

Ricky has a bus he uses to ferry groups of retired people twice a day into Mexico so...more

2 likes · like · see review

Nov 01, 2012 Ross Cumming rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This novel is about three losers, Harry, a drunk Corrections Officer on long term sick leave, Ricky a young bus driver and Frank a native Indian American with terminal cancer, who all go on a treasure hunt to find an old gold mile now deep in a US military firing range.
The novel starts out well introducing us to all three characters, how they got together and how they discovered that there may be hidden treasure in the mine. I really enjoyed the part where they go scuba diving in the flooded val...more

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Oct 09, 2012 Thomas Pluck rated it 5 of 5 stars

"This book is so funny it cured my hangover."

Yes, I laughed pretty hard while reading this one morning after drinking. It cleared my headache right up. I won't say it'll do the same for you, but it did the job a second time when I got a call that my sister, after hours of labor, went in for a C-section with her first child. I am an anxious sort, and I was nearly done with the book at that point. The laughs were over and things got real. This is where a funny story about three guys who try to fin...more "This book is so funny it cured my hangover."

Yes, I laughed pretty hard while reading this one morning after drinking. It cleared my headache right up. I won't say it'll do the same for you, but it did the job a second time when I got a call that my sister, after hours of labor, went in for a C-section with her first child. I am an anxious sort, and I was nearly done with the book at that point. The laughs were over and things got real. This is where a funny story about three guys who try to find a treasure in gold on America's largest artillery range usually goes down the crapper. I am a demanding reader who expects solid story structure and few loose ends left untied, and no shortcuts or easy endings.

I seriously said the next time I see Johnny Shaw, if he messes this up, I am going to punch him in the nuts since I am too short to reach his face.

Let's just say that my sister is fine, my beautiful baby niece Alyssa is in her arms, and Johnny Shaw's nuts will remain intact for the time being. The ending was what needed to happen and he handled with the aplomb (or "the plums," as I am fond of misstating) of a seasoned pro.
If you enjoy the hilarious tales of Carl Hiaasen set in Florida (known as America's wang) Johnny Shaw is your man in the Southwest. He crafts living characters and tosses them into a tilt-a-whirl of believable but outrageous comedy. Like a goofball Shakespeare, he sculpts the language to his own comedic ends. I never knew what a donkling was. When you find out, it will cure your hangover.
I greatly enjoyed Johnny's first novel DOVE SEASON and found BIG MARIA even more entertaining. If you enjoy ribald humor and stories that drunkenly stumble on the edge of belief... Shaw is your donkleberry.

FULL DISCLOSURE: Not only is Johnny Shaw's story "Gay Street" a star among many in my anthology PROTECTORS: STORIES TO BENEFIT PROTECT, but he was present when I earned the aforementioned hangover. I don't owe him any money and there is no reacharound expected or implied. We're pals because I read his first book and stalked him because of it, not the other way around.(less)

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Apr 28, 2013 Matt Allen rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2013-reads

Big Maria is unique. It's the kind of fiction you want to like and wish more authors attempted. It's my first Johnny Shaw novel and I'd be inclined to read him again.

Big Maria is supposed to be funny. Big Maria is supposed to be a caper. Big Maria is supposed to ground that action in a few touching sympathetic character moments. To be honest, it's a mixed bag on delivery, but Shaw hits enough to succeed. I thought a lot of the telegraphed humor at the beginning of the book fell flat, but there...more

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Aug 29, 2012 Cathy Cole rated it 4 of 5 stars

First Line: It didn't take much imagination to guess what the other kids had called Harry Schmittberger when he was a boy.

Harry Schmittberger has gotten the short end of the stick all his life. He's convinced that his name started that whole bad luck ball rolling. Frank Pacheco is Native American, old, and has cancer, but he feels that he has one more fight left in him. Ricky McBride is young, strong, and not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. All he wants is to give his beloved wife and youn...more First Line: It didn't take much imagination to guess what the other kids had called Harry Schmittberger when he was a boy.

Harry Schmittberger has gotten the short end of the stick all his life. He's convinced that his name started that whole bad luck ball rolling. Frank Pacheco is Native American, old, and has cancer, but he feels that he has one more fight left in him. Ricky McBride is young, strong, and not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. All he wants is to give his beloved wife and young daughter a good life.

Calamity refuses to leave these three men alone, and they find themselves washed ashore on a desert island called No Hope. But they refuse to give up, and these three men who really have nothing in common find themselves becoming friends... and formulating a plan to bring much-deserved happiness and prosperity to them all. You see, there's a fabulous gold mine lost for over a hundred years in the Chocolate Mountains of Arizona. Sure it's right in the middle of the largest military artillery range in the world, but that shouldn't stop these three men from their objective-- should it?

This book is not for the easily offended or those who prefer not to read about people who inhabit the bottom rungs of society. But for readers who can look past the profanity, violence, and frequent mentions of various bodily fluids, there is a terrific tale of friendship to be found. Of the three main characters, I found Harry to be the hardest to digest, but even he managed to work his way past my defenses. Frank's two marijuana-growing grandsons and his daughter (who scares the spit out of everyone she meets) are excellent additions to Shaw's cast of characters.

Big Maria has a very cinematic quality to it, which isn't that unusual since the author is a playwright and screenwriter. The entire book flows smoothly, each scene vivid in my mind. Referring to a book as "cinematic" can sometimes be pejorative to me, meaning that the author really wants to turn it into a movie as quickly as possible. That's not true of this book. This is a well-crafted tale that really makes me care about what happens to Harry, Frank and Ricky. I want these three losers to have a Happily Ever After as I laugh, wince, shake my head, get teary-eyed, and laugh some more all through their misbegotten caper.

Johnny Shaw's novel may take you a bit outside your comfort zone, but the results can be very rewarding indeed.
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Jan 11, 2013 Cashmool Dada rated it 5 of 5 stars

What a story!! What a cast of character!! This is one wild story, told with great writing. This book is right up there with Harry Crews and Kem Nunn for great storytelling and exquisite writing. I'll even go so far as to say it is in the realm of McMurtry in his Lonesome Dove wonderfulness. When I walked into the library, all I wanted was a good story. I had read and liked Johnny's first book "Dove Season" and liked it so I figured "what the heck" Boy, am I glad I picked this book. What a great...more

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Nov 03, 2012 Melki rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: adventure, humorous-fiction

Meet three lovable losers with nothing left to lose:

Harry - spends most of his time either drunk or hungover, and seems to be a magnet for bad luck

Ricky - has messed up badly and wants to win back the respect of his wife and daughter

Frank - an older man with not much time left, is bored with waiting around for death to find him

Frank's the fellow with the most common sense and also something of a "father figure" for the first two. BUT, before you go gettin' that Ozzie Nelson vibe, know that Frank...more

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Jan 08, 2013 Josh rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: own, kindle, read_2013

BIG MARIA is a humorous adventure that bands three unlikely acquaintances together. The novel has some of the funniest and down to earth characters I’ve had the pleasure of reading including, old man Frank saluting death with a middle finger to the sky, Ricky a non conventional beef cake with a heart of gold and muscles of steel, and Harry, the requisite class clown who evolves from a simple minded alcoholic to explorer extraordinaire. Not to mention Franks crazy grandkids and certifiable daught...more

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Mar 23, 2013 AJ Henning rated it 5 of 5 stars

I read this while I was visiting Texas. Finished in maybe three sittings. Loved it. Such a dude's tale. The prose was quick and hilarious, not to mention the insane and surreal set pieces. When it comes to the Johnny Shaw Canon, I still find myself preferring "Dove Season", but this book was the perfect hold over until the next Jimmy Veeder Fiasco. Like the best kind of Mexican food, Big Maria goes down spicy and meaty but doesn't stick around for too long. I swear that's a complement!!!

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Jan 20, 2013 Kathryn rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: fiction, kindle-read

I love, love, loved this book. It´s a story about faith, hope and friendship and is a wonderful book.

The first chapter introduces you to Harry, clearly one of lifes loosers. The way he is introduced does not paint a pretty picture, and I think I actually muttered "gross" when I read it! Ricky and Frank, the two other protagonists, aren´t exactly blessed with good luck either and the friendship they form is an unusual one, based on unusual circumstances. However the friendship they form is a pur...more

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Mar 27, 2013 Lauren rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: audiobooks, fiction

Not as good as I'd hoped. I think the fault lies half with the book and half with the audio narration. The book sets up its characters and their lives in stark and depressing detail, yet the coincidences that occur throughout the story are too convenient for the world that someone like Harry "Shitburger" Schmittberger lives in. On top of that, I just never connected with any of the men and found their adventures to be unlikely and contrived, not to mention uninteresting. I'd have given this book...more

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May 09, 2013 William rated it 4 of 5 stars

A good fun read. Not very realistic but so what! Great characters. All real losers but somehow endearing. The author didn't know much about gold mining but that didn't matter. It could have been Spanish treasure as the goal and it would have worked as well. Loved the character "Mercedes" who was the battle axe mama in the story.

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Jun 16, 2013 Tom Pfister rated it 4 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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May 16, 2013 Nigel rated it 4 of 5 stars

Entertaining story about three guys whose lives are nothing to write home about and their quest to get gold out of an old mine. The fact that the mine is in the middle of an army range is one of the lesser problems they face! Not too deep but it will make folk smile (& wince). Fans of Carl Hiaasen will find the humour in this quite appealing I think.

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May 25, 2013 Amy rated it 4 of 5 stars

This was a really great story. I feel stupid that I put off reading it for so long. It's a bit sad that it's not on a ton of bestseller lists because I feel like people would really love it if they knew about it. It's it's own little bit of treasure.

I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads.

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Oct 26, 2012 Barry Graham rated it 5 of 5 stars

How can a novel set in Arizona, one of the most desperate places in the U.S.A., be so much fun? Shaw’s dialogue, characterization and storytelling verve make you feel less like you’re reading a novel than taking part in a doomed adventure with hilarious, dangerous reprobate friends.

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Jan 16, 2013 Chris Thompson rated it 5 of 5 stars

I thoroughly enjoyed this book! From the first page all the way to the last it was great! The author moves the story along a great pace and keeps you turning the pages. The characters were excellent, Shaw does a good job connecting you to them, whether you like them or not.

If you are in the mood for a funny read, this is the book for you!

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May 24, 2013 Sandi Loper-herzog rated it 5 of 5 stars

Absolutely hilarious, entertaining, nitty-gritty/down to earth amazing read.
The story of 3 men, none in the prime of their life, come together in a quest for gold. But the first the map is buried undersea, then it leads to the mountains where every armed forces practices bombing. And shooting and tanks and missiles.

This is a must read for everyone!

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May 15, 2013 Mathilde rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I picked this up because I was in the mood for something different than what I had been reading/listening to, and thought this could be fun. And though there were many bits that were funny, I never really became engaged in the book -- I listened to the whole thing and at the end was a little sad because I had invested nine hours of time in this when I have so many other books on my list. I can't really pinpoint what didn't work for me, so this review will be helpful to no one, but maybe I just w...more

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Dec 04, 2012 Robert rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Really fun book, about three losers on a quest to find gold. Made me think of a grown up version of THE GOONIES. Also reminded me of Elmore Leonard.

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Dec 06, 2012 G8tes rated it 5 of 5 stars

Never laughed out loud so many times while reading a book. Big Maria is one hell of an adventure that is not only hilarious but also very touching. Loved it. Highly recommended.

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Dec 02, 2012 Keith rated it 4 of 5 stars

Almost finished the book was interesting quite a novel plot line and provided average fare. Have now finished the book which I enjoyed and would recommend !

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Mar 23, 2013 Justin rated it 4 of 5 stars

Really funny book with some great, original characters. Really good adventure story. Looking forward to reading more by Shaw.

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Oct 28, 2012 David Beck rated it 5 of 5 stars

One of the funniest books I have read in a long time, crazy characters and unforgettable dialog. This would be a great movie.

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About Johnny Shaw

Johnny Shaw was born and raised in the Imperial Valley on the Calexico/Mexicali border, the setting for his debut crime novel, DOVE SEASON.

He returns to the desert southwest with his new novel BIG MARIA, a raucous adventure novel set in Blythe, California and the Chocolate Mountains of Arizona.

Johnny is the creator and editor of the fiction quarterly, BLOOD & TACOS, an homage to the men's adv...more

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“Should've known when I met her mama. The big, fat acorn didn't fall too far from the big, fat tree.” — 2 people liked it

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