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Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage
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Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage

3.92 of 5 stars 3.92  ·  rating details  ·  535 ratings  ·  64 reviews
Millie Acevedo bore her first child before the age of 16 and dropped out of high school to care for her newborn. Now 27, she is the unmarried mother of three and is raising her kids in one of Philadelphia's poorest neighborhoods. Would she and her children be better off if she had waited to have them and had married their father first? Why do so many poor American youth li ...more
Hardcover, 300 pages
Published March 8th 2005 by University of California Press (first published 2005)
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Sophia
In times of economic uncertainty when 41% of births are to unmarried mothers in this country, poor single mothers are often vilified for their poor life choices. Much is assumed about why they put motherhood before marriage, but Kathryn Edin and Maria Kefalas actually attempted to find out by spending five years living in the poor inner-city neighborhoods of Philadelphia (where poverty similarly affects women of various racial groups) and interviewing poor single mothers. Promises I can keep: wh ...more
Robert Owen
Why in God’s name are poor women so prone to having children early and out of wedlock?

On its way to answering this question, “Promises I Can Keep” offers middle-class readers a view into a parallel universe of poverty and the choices it provokes. As one reads of it, the rules governing this seemingly bizarre and counterintuitive world slowly become first logically consistent, then comprehensible and finally, intuitively obvious. The answer, it turns out, is that when viewed from an underprivile
...more
Erin
Jan 22, 2012 Erin rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Those who liked Random Family and everyone else
4.5 - One of the best non-fiction books I've ever read that aims to illuminate something through sociological methods. I lopped off half a star because much of the first half of the book can feel like one is reading a laundry list of opinions from women with citations as to where you can find their full story in the book. Lots and lots of 'Deena, 18 year old mother of 2 children ages four and six (covered in chapter 4) thinks......' I feel like the book probably could have been organized better ...more
Claire Wessel
Having grown up in a relatively poor urban neighborhood, I definitely saw the difference in attitude towards motherhood as compared to the average middle class person's attitude, and the difference in poor reality versus middle class perception of that reality. This book's research highlights these differences and explains the reality of motherhood among poor women very well. Wonderful research and an interesting read. If you've ever wondered why poor women seem to have children in circumstances ...more
Jill
Aug 28, 2007 Jill rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Armchair Sociologists
I really enjoyed this book, it explained the cultural reasons behind why low income women often have children before or sans marriage. It really made some positive points and made me look at the issue much more differently. Also, they studied women in Philadelphia and Camden neighborhoods, so I could relate better to the places and issues.
Preethi Krishnan
What a beautiful book! It is one of those few sociology books that makes an academic argument while remaining humane. This book is an important ethnographic work which draws from conversations with 162 low income single mothers in the poor neighborhoods of Philadelphia and Camden. This book certainly manages to debunk some popular myths about single mothers. The title of the book articulates the primary research question driving this book - Why do poor women put motherhood before marriage? By fr ...more
Meera
I read this book in order to give me some insight into the mothers of my patients, as well as my teen patients, as teen parenthood is quite prevalent in my pediatric practice. The authors spent a great deal of time in neighborhoods in Philadelphia and Camden, which also hits close to home.

The stories of the women profiled in this book are so similar to the lives I see every day. While so much they discuss is familiar, the authors offer insights that have really informed my understanding/give co
...more
Laura
First, I have to admit I'm super biased. This author was one of my professors and also my major adviser,and I had some poor experiences with both. (a favorite moment was when she was advising me..."Hmm you only got a B in Intro to Sociology, who was your professor?" "You" "oh wow you got a B in Into to Sociology!")

The book was well researched, and she spent a lot of time in the areas, with the mothers doing her interviews. It works as a classroom aide, or for anyone interested in the topic, but
...more
Michael
This is a good companion piece to Code of the Street. Whereas Code of the Street focused on the ethics of males in Philadelphia, Promises I Can Keep does the same with young women. The thesis is very cool: out of wedlock children are a sign of a commitment to marriage as an institution, since these young women feel that the men they have children with are not worthy of marriage. Having children, however, is a source of esteem and love and the offsetting financial impact is so little that it is w ...more
Ben
I read this to get an understanding for the real reasons that poor people have more children, since the commonly repeated stories seemed suspicious. The author's did a great job with their interviews in showing the causes using the actual decisions and thought processes of the people making them. It doesn't leave anything much desired. While it is slightly repetitive, and low on theory, it gets 5 stars for changing what I want out of life.
Landismom
Oct 09, 2007 Landismom rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: mothers, sociologists
Melissa Becker
I am a well known bleeding heart liberal, but I will admit to having some pretty unkind thoughts about women who had children that they couldn't afford. "Couldn't Afford" being a judgment call by me, a college educated middle class white woman for whom a teenage pregnancy would have meant the end of the life I had planned for myself.

That was before I read this amazing book which totally opened my eyes to the very logical reason that young women in disadvantaged places have children outside of m
...more
Rachel
Edin gives insight into the rationales and motivations of poor women to become pregnant and keep their children. As one who interacts frequently with these mothers and their children, I found this treatment of the topic fascinating, yet lacking. Edin describes the social taboos of women who go out and party, abuse or aren't with their children, but she never seems to interview these women. Either Edin interviewed only women utterly transformed into angels when they became mothers, or she isn't g ...more
Shannon Baker
Why do some poor, single women become mothers? This is a well-researched and thoughtful book that had surprising (for me!) and revealing insights into this question I certainly had not thought about. It deepened my understanding and connection to other mothers, who like me, deeply love and want the best for their children, but unlike me, recognized early on that children are more important than other achievements in life and may be the best thing they can hope for given their socio-economic real ...more
Chris
First, I'll answer the title's indirect question. The (American) poor women Edin & Kefelas interviewed prioritize mothering over career in their teens and twenties. They believe this the more natural and selfless choice, typically taking their unplanned pregnancies as a sign it's time to grow up. Like middle-class women, they want to delay marriage until they've achieved some economic success. Unlike middle-class women, they believe they can achieve their career and personal goals while moth ...more
Zibei
pp171 "Poor youth are driven by a logic that is profoundly counterintuitive to their middle-class critics, who sometimes assume that poor women have children in a twisted competition with their peers to gain status, because they have an insufficient knowledge of -or access to-birth control, or so they can 'milk' the welfare system. Yet out mothers almost never refer to these motivations. Rather, it is the perceived low cots of early childrenbearing and the high value that poor women place on chi ...more
Raven Rakia
Rating these books and I'm starting to realize how terrible academic book titles are. "Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage"--awful fucking title, but the book is a little better besides the fact that I don't even think it's really that important to have this discussion in the first place (who gives a fuck about marriage). But I do like how this book debunks silly myths once again. The conclusion is basically that poverty/no sense of economic mobility made some women decide to have chil ...more
Karen Cox
This was written I the 90's but hasn't gotten stale. The authors present the world of poor unwed mothers using the words of the mothers themselves. It is the most effective way to show these women as neither immoral sluts with no regard for the consequence of their actions nor helpless victims tossed by the winds over which they have no control. The women have reasons for having kids when they do; they understand their circumstances and adapt reasonably. The authors don't say much in the book; t ...more
Alex
Although this book was publish in 2005, most of what is in this well researched book are still happening today, making what is discussed here even more relevant as it brings question into mind such as; how different things are today? Have we learned something from this? And so on, which makes the reading worth the time you invest in it.
Margaret Zhang
Apr 20, 2014 Margaret Zhang rated it 3 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Margaret by: Prof. Serena Mayer's seminar on marriage at Penn Law
An excellent immersion into the values and incentives of women in low-income neighborhoods. I am much enriched by reading this book.
Diane
This book is based on extensive research with impoverished single mothers in Philadelphia. The authors research the women's attitudes towards marriage and motherhood. They find that most of the mothers desire to get married, and believe that they should marry before having children, but that this rarely happens in their community. The authors explore economic and social explanations for this phenomenon. They come to the conclusion that for poor women, early motherhood does not have significant e ...more
Alexis
Great research and content but annoyingly bad writing and organization.
Crystal
I read this on my own, for no class in particular at the time though I was still in college. The authors conducted a study of women in very poor Camden and why, even with no money and no hopes for any, they still had kids and often at a very young age.

What they found out is that although the world had gone to shite all around them, having and raising children is one thing they knew they could do right. I thought that was a very interesting and yet simple explanation which helped me to understand
...more
Jess
What a fabulous book! Prior to reading this book, I didn't understand why poor women would get pregnant at young ages and often time choose motherhood over terminating the pregnancy. I always thought to myself, "regardless of what I think, it is there choice whether they want to continue the pregnancy or have an abortion." After reading this book, I understand why poor women get pregnant at what I thought to be a young age and decide to keep the baby. I now can say that I respect and support the ...more
Jill
I'd probably give this 4 1/2 because there were parts that droned on a little for me. This is a book Colter suggested I read, since this is an area he works in. Two women live amongst extremely poor women to find out their views on marriage and motherhood. Their findings were amazing. My own (and many others I assume) stereotypes of teenage pregnancy went out the window. I cried, though Colter didn't understand why. I'd love for someone to read this so we can talk about what you thought!
Kristin
Jun 13, 2008 Kristin rated it 4 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: people interested in social justice
Actually, this book is another of those 4 1/2 stars, if I had the option. The subject matter was as fascinating as the title promises, and the research methods used made these women's stories come alive. The authors moved their families to poor inner-city neighborhoods for a couple of years in order to make good community connections in their search for a study sample. (Makes me want to be a sociologist...) A bit repetitive, but all-in-all a very educational, page-turning read.
Charlotte Osborn-bensaada
This sociological study of single poor women in Philadelphia and Camden challenges many of our understandings of why women choose to become parents at a very young age and with poor economic prospects. What stood out to me was that birth control availability was irrelevant. Women chose the have children because of the personal rewards of having children, independent of the economic and social costs to the or their children.
Tannya
Really great book. There is so much to learn from this ethnographic study. Its a tough read, but really made me so grateful for my great life. It also is really inspiring to make me want to do more to help those that need it. Its shocking to learn some of the information, and the ideology of these often young, young girls. Good read overall and great for the class I took. It received great reviews by those who read it.
emma Slachta
this is the best book i've read all year. it completely changed the way i think about teen pregnancy (and i work for a national family planning clinic).

kathy edin goes where no sociologists has gone before: to talk to teen mothers as they have and raise their children. i thought it was overly judgemental for the first chapter or so, but she relaxed my doubts when she started talking about the actual women she interviewed.
Traci
I had to read this book for a class, but it was mind changing! I think of myself as progressive and liberal and open minded, but I honestly had not thought about the particular issue of teen pregnancy/young motherhood and poverty in this way. It's a non fiction book about a research project that the 2 authors were involved in, but it reads like a novel or memoir. Very good.
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