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31st out of 285 books
—
292 voters
Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High
The New York Times Bestseller!
Learn how to keep your cool and get the results you want when emotions flare.
When stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong, you have three choices: Avoid a crucial conversation and suffer the consequences; handle the conversation badly and suffer the consequences; or read "Crucial Conversations" and discover how to communicate b...more
Learn how to keep your cool and get the results you want when emotions flare.
When stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong, you have three choices: Avoid a crucial conversation and suffer the consequences; handle the conversation badly and suffer the consequences; or read "Crucial Conversations" and discover how to communicate b...more
Paperback, 235 pages
Published
June 18th 2002
by McGraw-Hill
(first published January 1st 2002)
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3,000)
Dec 29, 2010
Julia Jacobs
rated it
5 of 5 stars
Shelves:
business,
non-fiction,
psychology,
work,
self-help,
communication,
leadership,
self-improvement
All in all, it's a great book for developing advanced "people skills" and I rank it right up there with Emotional Intelligence 2.0. We all face situations in life where things are tense and saying the right things is critical. This is what the authors call a "crucial conversation," as opposed to a casual discussion. Crucial conversations happen between two or more people when opinions vary, stakes are high, and emotions run strong. Whether you are approaching a boss who is breaking his or her ow...more
Probably the most influential book I've read in the past five years. The concepts have probably been around for a long time, but this was my first exposure to them. I'm still learning how to do the things mentioned here, but it really has helped me shift the way I think about others. The authors have a web site with a lot of great stuff in it, and their monthly-ish newsletter is one I actually read!
NOTE: I haven't actually re-read it since I first got it, so this is a review of impact and conten...more
NOTE: I haven't actually re-read it since I first got it, so this is a review of impact and conten...more
I teach this course and have found the skills and insights that people experience can be life-changing. This book will help you in your personal and professional relationships. Crucial Conversations is not about being confrontational, avoiding conflict, or getting your way. Its about how to help yourself and others stay in dialogue so you can get the results you want. Its about learning, finding the truth, and strengthening relationships.
This book has valuable information, but the reader has to dig for it. I'm not impressed with the editing job; I think the editor could have helped bring more clarity to the discussion. They come up with a lot of jargon that you have to remember throughout the book ("Start with Heart," "Clever Stories," etc) and keeping track of their key words and phrases makes the learning process more difficult.
That said, I believe there are useful tools in the book (some exercises are similar to Cognitive-Beh...more
That said, I believe there are useful tools in the book (some exercises are similar to Cognitive-Beh...more
While simple, this book really is great. It details the specifics for dealing with emotions appropriately and effectively, while trying to dialog. One of the best points made in this book is that dialog is communication of information. Information is not communicated when feelings are running hot, assumptions are being made, and acts of disrespect occur. It's hard to take a step out of conversations, and this book does a pretty good job of explaining some steps to achieve dialog.
Obviously, some...more
Obviously, some...more
Jun 18, 2012
Kendra
rated it
4 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
leadership,
professional
Conversing with others is a necessary and enjoyable part of each day for me. Sometimes, however, I will find myself in the middle of a discussion gone wrong. It could be a really important conversation that I have thought about ahead of time and prepared for or it could be a conersation that I walk into and then felt blindsided by the revelations that were made. Crucial Conversations covers both of these situations and focuses on techniques which make dialogue possible, even when the topics bein...more
It seems like every business book nowadays has a foreword by Stephen R. Covey. It’s almost like – if he didn’t endorse it - it’s not worth reading.
This book is not an easy read like Leadership and Self-Deception, Who Moved My Cheese, or The Myth of Multitasking. It is however worth reading because it has many gems and pearls of wisdom along the way.
A few of them I already knew:
Remember, to know and not do is really not to know. – p. xvi
“He that complies against his will is of his own opinion s...more
This book is not an easy read like Leadership and Self-Deception, Who Moved My Cheese, or The Myth of Multitasking. It is however worth reading because it has many gems and pearls of wisdom along the way.
A few of them I already knew:
Remember, to know and not do is really not to know. – p. xvi
“He that complies against his will is of his own opinion s...more
Feb 19, 2012
Shahine Ardeshir
added it
Very rarely have I come across so sensible, articulate and powerful a book, particularly from the “Business/Self Help” genre.
The premise of this book is simple: Each of us, in all relationships in and outside of work that we conduct, face situations in which there is considerable gravitas attached to the outcome. Often, we behave less than we’re capable of in these circumstances, to unpleasant result. These are critical conversations, and there’s a certain skill to conducting them well.
The timin...more
The premise of this book is simple: Each of us, in all relationships in and outside of work that we conduct, face situations in which there is considerable gravitas attached to the outcome. Often, we behave less than we’re capable of in these circumstances, to unpleasant result. These are critical conversations, and there’s a certain skill to conducting them well.
The timin...more
Very often most of us are in difficult conversations which, given a choice, we would like to avoid. The author calls such conversations as crucial conversations and suggests that if these conversations are handled well, we can emerge winner in most difficult of situations.
The authors, Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Al Switzler, Ron McMillan and David Maxfield, have done very deep research to validate their findings and then created a very well written book. Authors very aptly describes “Crucial...more
The authors, Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Al Switzler, Ron McMillan and David Maxfield, have done very deep research to validate their findings and then created a very well written book. Authors very aptly describes “Crucial...more
Why do self-help books all have to be the same? Large print, chatty conversational writing style, and the author (or authors), instead of refraining from identify and referring to themselves, use every opportunity to point out that *they* are the ones who came up with these great ideas and you are learning it from *them*. And why does the entire first chapter have to be a sales pitch to get you to read the rest of the book? I'm already reading it! I either bought a copy, or went to the trouble f...more
Crucial Conversations tackles one of the most difficult subjects in human relationships: How to navigate difficult conversations when 1) the stakes are high 2)opinions are at opposite ends, and 3) when emotions are charged. This book is so filled with insights and strategies, I had to read it twice and nearly use up two highlighters. At it’s core, the authors recommend asking yourself three critical questions before engaging in a difficult conversation:
What do I want for myself?
What do I want f...more
What do I want for myself?
What do I want f...more
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it,
click here.
Two years ago I joined a large firm as a software developer to develop a business application. I was very excited as the opportunities were enormous and the growth potential was literally sky high. But the excitement did not last long. For, within a month of my work there, my manager kept making a series of decisions that were, well, simply unpalatable to me! These decisions frustrated me tremednously and what's
worse - these disagreements seemed to be the norm rather than an exception. I, quietl...more
worse - these disagreements seemed to be the norm rather than an exception. I, quietl...more
Aug 23, 2010
Sridhar
rated it
5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
Anyone
Shelves:
business,
self-improvement
One of the amazing books I have read in recent times. Unlike many books, this book pinpoints the exact mistakes and reasons people make in high-stress conversations. Considering that many meetings these days are high-stress (time-pressures, market-pressures, customer complaints and so on), this book is a game-changer.
What makes this book wonderful is that tells you to change your Inner Game to be able to practice it. The tools the authors propose are not "fake-smile" type add-ons, but require a...more
What makes this book wonderful is that tells you to change your Inner Game to be able to practice it. The tools the authors propose are not "fake-smile" type add-ons, but require a...more
This was published in 2002. I wish someone had handed it to me then. I would have saved myself a ton of crappy handling of conflicts, & their aftermath, over the intervening years. It's the best synthesis I've read of the principles I've gleaned from the various entertaining self-help books I've read over the years, plus the two 2-day Gottman workshops I've attended. It teaches one how to recognize the inherent emotionality in conflicted communication, honor this emotion, and not beat others...more
Ok, I read this because the boss suggested it. He suggested it because I don't deal well with overly emotional, crying, touchy feely people. I'm more of a "get the hell over it" kind of girl.
The book is a jumbled up mess in the writing. It bounces from one example to the next, explains half a concept, jumps to another example, explains another part of a concept, and the might (or might not) get back to the original example. My guess is because it seems to have no less than 75 authors. Too many c...more
The book is a jumbled up mess in the writing. It bounces from one example to the next, explains half a concept, jumps to another example, explains another part of a concept, and the might (or might not) get back to the original example. My guess is because it seems to have no less than 75 authors. Too many c...more
4 likes · like · see review
My friend, Joel Canfield, told a social network I belong to about this book. And with all the new tools for communication, blogs, social networks, Twitter, Ning groups--this book is really helpful. It's about how we all can learn to create a space where everyone can say what is really on their minds. Need to speak up to your boss? Need to tell that quick-fingered, group member that he is cyberspace hog? Is your friend really interested in you or simply wants to blab at you? The quality of these...more
Worth Listening To
I'm not a fan of self-help books or motivational speakers. Usually I'm driven off by the smarmy tone or self-serving verbal gimmicks. But that's not what you get with Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.
The purpose of this book is to teach skills for managing verbal dialogue in the face of emotional conflict. The authors stay focused on this topic, teaching a series of behavioral, planning, and interpretive techniques for developing a more effective co...more
I'm not a fan of self-help books or motivational speakers. Usually I'm driven off by the smarmy tone or self-serving verbal gimmicks. But that's not what you get with Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.
The purpose of this book is to teach skills for managing verbal dialogue in the face of emotional conflict. The authors stay focused on this topic, teaching a series of behavioral, planning, and interpretive techniques for developing a more effective co...more
May 06, 2013
Psyche
rated it
3 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
people who constantly catch themselves in a heated argument
Shelves:
psychology,
strategy-tactics
This book is all about effectively taking charge in a conversation, to maintain a peaceful air while discussing very sensitive matters. Start with 'oneself', the only thing that can be under perfect control.
Some of best lines from this book to live by:
1.taking charge of one's emotion most especially in critical situations that may influence important relationships.
2. assess the sensitivity of the discussion and as soon as it is found to be complex and a dangerous one, remember that to show the...more
My experience with this book isn't over yet. I'm involved in a leadership group at work that meets for lunch weekly. So far as I know, I'm the only member of the group who's completed it (I could be wrong). Our objective is to discuss one chapter a week, but I don't think it should be read that way. The book is structured to work you through the theory behind the method and then to introduce the method, which is very effective both in business and in personal communication. I don't experience to...more
A great book helping you understand how to have "crucial" conversations. It is easy to converse when you are calm and there are no hurdles in the way. It is hard when you are deeply passionate and the conversation is not going your way.
This book details out what is happening inside your head and others to enable you to effectively communicate your thoughts and be able to achieve the best scenario result.
It is founded on the idea of "keeping ideas flowing" with the rest of the book detailing ho...more
This book details out what is happening inside your head and others to enable you to effectively communicate your thoughts and be able to achieve the best scenario result.
It is founded on the idea of "keeping ideas flowing" with the rest of the book detailing ho...more
A book like this has a high potential for being hokie or trite, so I was skeptical despite the Amazon reviews. To my surprise, the content was solid. The core principle of the book is that important conversations (with spouses, managers, friends, etc.) go wrong because at least one of the people doesn’t feel safe discussing their viewpoint. This might be due to how past conversations went, fear of rejection, fear of getting fired, or a number of other reasons. When someone doesn’t feel safe, the...more
I've read this book for a second time - and I know that I'll be reading it over and over again.. Until I master the skills described in this book.
From the first page of the book - that gives a definition of a crucial conversation (a discussion between two or more people where: (a) stakes are high, (b) opinions vary, and (c) emotions run strong) - you will realize that we're engaged in those EVERY day.
Most important takes this time:
1. Start from yourself - the ONLY person you can control.
2. To ge...more
From the first page of the book - that gives a definition of a crucial conversation (a discussion between two or more people where: (a) stakes are high, (b) opinions vary, and (c) emotions run strong) - you will realize that we're engaged in those EVERY day.
Most important takes this time:
1. Start from yourself - the ONLY person you can control.
2. To ge...more
Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high is a great book for anyone who ever has to deal with conflict. So basically EVERYONE can benefit from this book.
I was first introduced to it through the Team Leader Academy put on by the school district for which I work. Of all the things I learned this week, this is the information that immediately had an impact on my life. I began using the information presented with my kids and my husband. It's amazing how much it changed the patte...more
I was first introduced to it through the Team Leader Academy put on by the school district for which I work. Of all the things I learned this week, this is the information that immediately had an impact on my life. I began using the information presented with my kids and my husband. It's amazing how much it changed the patte...more
We all have crucial conversations (a negotiation at work with a colleague, a big decision with a spouse, a confrontation with another parent at school). This book claims to give tools to help communicate when it matters most.
At the core of any successful conversation is the free flow of relevant information. The best communicators are those that can confidently, succcintly present the relevant information. A few other things when communicating:
Focus on the 3: What I want? What others want? What...more
At the core of any successful conversation is the free flow of relevant information. The best communicators are those that can confidently, succcintly present the relevant information. A few other things when communicating:
Focus on the 3: What I want? What others want? What...more
Between Difficult Conversations, Fierce Conversations and all of the other communication books I've read over the last year or so, I figured I was good on "conversation" books for a bit. However, when this book was passed around at work and I discovered it was available on audiobook, I figured I'd give it a shot.
I'm glad I did. Some of the same well trod ground was covered ("get curious" seems to be popular) but it also introduced some ideas I hadn't come across before. For example, learning to...more
I'm glad I did. Some of the same well trod ground was covered ("get curious" seems to be popular) but it also introduced some ideas I hadn't come across before. For example, learning to...more
Feb 28, 2012
Karima Ladhani
added it
This is a must have book because it's a tool that you in need in order to have good relationships in your life! It teaches you how to speak up for yourself, for something you don't agree on in and express it no matter how scared you are! When stakes are high to save relationships with family, friends, tough bosses, coworkers by speaking up otherwise you might have lots to lose! You're taught how keep the dialogue and conversation safe, walk away if you have and keep working at fixing and solving...more
Aug 09, 2010
Josh Utterback
rated it
1 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
No ONE!!!
Recommended to Josh by:
Paula Hamm
Shelves:
finished-in-2010
I had to read this for work and it was a total waste of time. The skills presented are all common sense. For all of their concepts they come up with mnemonics to help you remember. However, there are so many of them you can't keep straight which one is for what and what the letters actually mean. Finally, the examples were forced and completely unrealistic. Real people don't talk or act like their examples. The one I loved the most was the wife who thought her husband was cheating on her because...more
I read this book as part of a class I took through my job. It's not the type of book I would typically seek out. Its full of acronyms and rhyming slogans, but I'm still glad I read it.
This book is all about having constructive "crucial conversations" which is defined as any conversation where the stakes (or emotions) are high. The skills are beneficial in various situations, whether its your kids, family, friends, coworkers, or significant other. It addresses topics such as getting the other per...more
This book is all about having constructive "crucial conversations" which is defined as any conversation where the stakes (or emotions) are high. The skills are beneficial in various situations, whether its your kids, family, friends, coworkers, or significant other. It addresses topics such as getting the other per...more
Amazing book that has vastly improved my communication skills after only reading it once. I still have a long way to go but as the book says 1 or 2 more fruitful conversations will make a world of difference and over time you will continue to improve that number. It singled out my problem of not keeping cool calm and collected in the first chapter and explained how that biologically interferes with how we think during the conversation. Also that we should think about how an outsider would view h...more
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| Book discussion | 1 | 40 | Jun 02, 2012 11:39am |
Kerry is a prolific writer who has coauthored numerous articles and award-winning training programs. Kerry taught at Brigham Young University’s Marriott School of Management and then cofounded Interact Performance Systems, where he worked for ten years as vice president of research and development. Kerry is coauthor of the New York Times bestsellers Change Anything, Crucial Conversations, Crucial...more
More about Kerry Patterson...
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“People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool--even ideas that at first glance appear controversial, wrong, or at odds with their own beliefs. Now, obviously they don't agree with every idea; they simply do their best to ensure that all ideas find their way into the open.”
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4 people liked it
“The Pool of Shared Meaning is the birthplace of synergy”
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2 people liked it
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Jul 14, 2012 08:33am