I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead
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I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead

4.23 of 5 stars 4.23  ·  rating details  ·  792 ratings  ·  80 reviews
In Loving What Is, bestselling author Byron Katie introduced thousands of people to her simple and profound method of finding happiness through questioning the mind. Now, I Need Your LoveIs That True? examines a universal, age-old source of anxiety: our relationships with others. In this groundbreaking book, Katie helps you question everything you have been taught to do t...more
Hardcover, 288 pages
Published April 5th 2005 by Harmony (first published 2002)
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I debated putting this book on my profile because I found the title a little embarrassing. But then I realized the irony of that thought. This book is about how you project what other people are thinking of you and how harmful that process is. So my embarrassment about reading this book had to do with fear that my GoodReads friends would think that I'm weak and clueless about relationships if I was caught reading such a book. So if I deny reading this book, I would have learned nothing from it....more
Jane Stewart
3 ½ stars. Some good ideas. Some are common sense but good reminders.

The difference between self-help books and therapy is that self-help books can raise your consciousness, but they do not apply specifically to you, your situation, and your history - the way therapy would.


1. Everyone wants approval and appreciation from others - even strangers. Everyone wants to be loved.

Example: a guy brings a magazine to a doctor’s office. He sets it on the table in the waiting room. W...more
I was in a bit of a funk this evening. A lot of a funk, actually. I got my first MA essay results back, and I wasn't happy with them. At all. And I blamed everyone else for how horrid I felt. And then I stumbled on this tucked away in the recesses of my Kindle: I read Loving What Is a while ago. I don't remember picking this up, but I do remember finding Byron Katie's work powerful and helpful, even if I didn't agree with it.

A lot of the issues I wasn't happy with in Loving What Is seem to be ad...more
Erica Chang
This book came into my life like a healing angel when I just had a very heartbroken and confusing week with an ex-lover.

When it comes to love and romance, men and boys and being with them, I am completely hopelessly helpless; when I'm loved my world has singing butterflies, smiling unicorns dancing in rainbow colored cotton candies, there are hopes for tomorrow and a smile on my face all day; but when I feel neglected, my world's a dead place, I don't even have a world, or a life, or anything, I...more
This book helped me to recognize how my thoughts have affected every single relationship I have...even the one I have with myself. I discovered I am the one who has control over how the world sees me. And really what the world thinks really doesn't matter. All this time I have projected my own thoughts of self doubt, thoughts of not being good enough, or smart enough, or liked enough, or loved the right way, or whatever the thought was...I have projected my thoughts onto what I thought others th...more
I Need Your Love - Is That True? describes, with many interesting examples, how questioning our assumptions underlying our worries can relieve those worries. She assumes that whatever we are thinking behind those feelings of anger, fear, depression are less true than we assume. Changing our thoughts behind dysphoric feelings changes the feelings based on the false assumptions. It sounds too simple to be true, but through her numerous examples, she shows how it works.

The method is a variation of...more
Natasha (Diarist) Holme
So, the things that you most want to hide from people are the things that you most want to tell people.
It's true - Byron Katie is some kind of genius. The four questions she has you ask yourself about ANY thought are simple and straightforward, yet they totally get to the heart of the matter, pretty much right away. But after the questions, it's the "turnaround" that really can change your viewpoint, perspective, understanding, entire way you think about your situation and your "story."

In short, when you have a thought that makes you suffer in some way, say, "My husband should apologize for igno...more
It has been a couple of weeks since I finished this book, and like many others, it has CHANGED MY LIFE!!! (I've said the same thing about other books before, but isn't it wonderful there are so many life-changing books out there?!) I have been ridiculously happy ever since! (and yes, there have been a couple of tests!) I'm starting to wonder if it's even possible for my heart to have any more love and joy than it already has! I wholeheartedly believe that if more people did The Work, and questio...more
Well, this was my first exposure to Byron Katie. It wasn't a bad book but it was a new thought process to me, and I didn't really absorb the book the way I should. I might read it again, after the initial concepts sink in. Basically, her process is to question everything, every thought. And I find that can be a very valuable strategy. You think a thought and, as a bystander, ask - is that true? You question its truth and turn it around a few different ways, and very often, it loses its power. I...more
Holly Goguen
UM, OK Byron Katie is a genius. She's done what so many have failed to do, which is to elucidate a clear pathway from unhappiness to happiness with a few easy questions. This book is an expansion on her previous work, "Loving What IS"...which is the closest thing to a bible for me really. I've never heard more clearly the logical reasoning behind life's greatest emotional dissapointments, struggles, and fears...and I don't think I can do it justice to summarize any part. Therefore, I recommend e...more
For those of us conditioned to base our self-worth on approval or love from others, this book does a fantastic job of showing how the desire for approval actually reflects a desire for us to be more accepting of ourselves. Katie provides many examples and strategies for getting out of our own way when it comes to leading happy, healthy lives and relationships.
Let me just state - I read what would be classified as 'self-help' books. And I don't have a problem with that.
This one was very interesting, and certainly teaches a lot about taking a step back and questioning thoughts that arise. I enjoyed reading it and now employ some of its tactics in my day-to-day life. :)
A fine refresher for us Loving What Is fans. Conversational, illustrative, clear. This is the thinking I want as part of my bedrock. My only wish is for some context: how is this related to Taoism (Linda says it is)? How do these concepts compare to other psychological approaches? (What would Jung say? etc.)
This woman is totally mind-blowing. I have read this book multiple times - when I need a reminder that I am responsible for my suffering. But only all of it. :)
we are a lot stronger than we think, sometimes we seek the ok from others, but the answer lies within us the entire time.
Deepak Chaudhary
Great book. This book can make you a different more happier and relaxed person. The title does seem like something you wouldn't want other people to know that you are reading but everyone does try to look for love approval and validation how awesome would it be if no one ever needed to give you that and you could just be happy to give of yourself or do what you really want to regardless of what anyone else especially the people closest to you reacts, people could say and do mean things to you an...more
I almost didn't read it because of the love & approval seeking subtitle. I put my head down and muscled through the first half of the book. The second half is dedicated to relationships and what an eye opener it was. I've been labeled insensitive for so long and so consistently throughout my life I thought it must be a true character flaw. It never occurred to me to ask why are you so sensitive? It never occurred to me that there were people out there suffering from "sensitivity" because the...more
The book aids you in forcing you to question those long held (yet stressful) beliefs you have... confronting those deeper emotional hinges that you can learn to let go of. The book gives you permission and useful exercises to question your own harmful thoughts when they are harming you most. I found myself re-reading sections to reabsorb the ideas the book has. Re-examining and releasing those self-limiting belief structures.

Compared to other similar books I have read, it stands above the rest a...more
Sue T
I RARELY read self-help books. This one kept coming up in magazine articles about or by successful women who underwent major life changes and credited them to the work of "Katie" (that's what she is called for short). The comments I read made me curious, so I picked up this book.

Katie uses a method of questioning to help people recognize that other people's behavior is not the cause of their distress. Rather, it is one's own thinking and beliefs about other people's behavior that causes the dis...more
I really liked this book. I don't have to believe every thought I have and especially the ones that start with "I need..." I liked the chapter in learning to love ourselves. Great exercises to be done throughout the book. I listened to it the first time I read it and enjoyed hearing the author speak. Then went through the PDF version to work on the assignments. Great tool and skill to learn.
Ummmm read it I couldn't connect with it at all. At first I wondered if there was something wrong with me, but now I just think her approach is not as compassionate as I need. And I gave up on it because I couldn't follow her ...

But at times this book offers good guidance and helps on how to answer difficult, challenging questions with tact while maintaining your personal boundaries.!!

Karri Lewis
Jul 06, 2008 Karri Lewis rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone looking for self improvement
This book expounds on the other book by Byron Katie "loving what is" and is very profound. This takes an honest look at relationships and clarifies the self, as "the ultimate love in our lives." It teaches that if we are in other people's business, then who is taking care of our business? As Byron Katie says, there only 3 types of business; my business, your business and god's business (or whatever one wants to call it). This book helps clarify that the love we feel for others is created within...more
This book isn't a book you sit through read and then toss away. You should always have it in your pocket, somewhere handy and most importantly in your head. I didn't read the entirety of the book because once you understand the concept you feel so ridiculous that you continued thinking you need approval from everyone! If you want a healthy relationship, don't go looking for books about how to get your ex boyfriend, your coworker or your friend to love you again, get this book! You are the only...more
Elizabeth De Marco
I do find it commonsense to not seek approval from others which is a good refresher. when she started getting into the scenarios,I got very confused and didn't agree with her method--I felt she was parsing and picking on semantics which frustrated me. And yes, there are other ways to look at people's behavior and see a larger picture, but I couldn't help feeling she was dismissive of people's point of views completely. I was left confusing feeling like the book should be called, 'lowered expecta...more
this book really benefited my relationship. I docked a star because I found the authors use of sweetheart to be a bit fluffy and annoying.
I love Byron Katie!! Highly recommended reading!!
I'm crazy about Byron Katie. I think she has the most amazing technique for handling life. I really loved "Loving What Is". With that said, this book didn't do that much for me. I definitely would not recommend reading it until after you had read "Loving What Is", but as a companion book, it was good. I just didn't get as much out of it. However, if you feel like your life revolves around finding love and approval, this book might be just what you're looking for. I did enjoy it. It just paled in...more
I bought the audible book because I've listened to 2 others and loved them. Those were read by Katie. This book, however, was read by someone else. As there are in the other books I read, there are long passages of dialogue between Katie and her clients that does not lend itself to being read in one voice, especially the voice on this audible book. I found the voice irritating and, finally, just turned it off. Kind of a shame. I think the message of this book is probably a good one. I may try re...more
Good but confusing
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Byron Katie's turnarounds 2 21 Jan 14, 2013 12:29PM  
  • Falling Into Grace: Insights on the End of Suffering
  • The Diamond in Your Pocket: Discovering Your True Radiance
  • There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate
  • How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
  • Dark Nights of the Soul: A Guide to Finding Your Way Through Life's Ordeals
  • Teachings on Love
  • The Presence Process: A Healing Journey Into Present Moment Awareness
  • Personal Power through Awareness: A Guidebook for Sensitive People
  • The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life
  • The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You
  • Everyday Grace: Having Hope, Finding Forgiveness And Making Miracles
  • Energy Medicine for Women: Aligning Your Body's Energies to Boost Your Health and Vitality
  • Reiki, the Healing Touch: Japanese Reiki Techniques and Hayashi Healing Guide
  • Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship
  • Entering the Castle: An Inner Path to God and Your Soul
  • The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level
  • 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace
  • Frequency: The Power of Personal Vibration
Byron Kathleen Mitchell, better known as Byron Katie, is an American speaker and writer who teaches a method of self-inquiry called “The Work of Byron Katie” or simply “The Work.”

Katie became severely depressed in her early thirties. She was a businesswoman and mother who lived in Barstow, a small town in the high desert of southern California. For nearly a decade she spiraled down into paranoia,...more
More about Byron Katie...
Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life A Thousand Names for Joy: Living in Harmony with the Way Things Are Who Would You Be Without Your Story?: Dialogues with Byron Katie Question Your Thinking, Change The World: Quotations from Byron Katie Your Inner Awakening: The Work of Byron Katie: Four Questions That Will Transform Your Life

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“Hurt feelings or discomfort of any kind cannot be caused by another person. No one outside me can hurt me. That's not a possibility. It's only when I believe a stressful thought that I get hurt. And I'm the one who's hurting me by believing what I think. This is very good news, because it means that I don't have to get someone else to stop hurting me. I'm the one who can stop hurting me. It's within my power.

What we are doing with inquiry is meeting our thoughts with some simple understanding, finally. Pain, anger, and frustration will let us know when it's time to inquire. We either believe what we think or we question it: there's no other choice. Questioning our thoughts is the kinder way. Inquiry always leaves us as more loving human beings.”
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