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I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead
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I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead

4.22  ·  Rating Details ·  1,483 Ratings  ·  112 Reviews
In Loving What Is, bestselling author Byron Katie introduced thousands of people to her simple and profound method of finding happiness through questioning the mind. Now, I Need Your LoveIs That True? examines a universal, age-old source of anxiety: our relationships with others. In this groundbreaking book, Katie helps you question everything you have been taught to do t ...more
Hardcover, 288 pages
Published April 5th 2005 by Harmony (first published 2002)
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Oct 28, 2008 Natali rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I debated putting this book on my profile because I found the title a little embarrassing. But then I realized the irony of that thought. This book is about how you project what other people are thinking of you and how harmful that process is. So my embarrassment about reading this book had to do with fear that my GoodReads friends would think that I'm weak and clueless about relationships if I was caught reading such a book. So if I deny reading this book, I would have learned nothing from it. ...more
Jane Stewart
Dec 19, 2012 Jane Stewart rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
3 stars. Some good ideas. Some are common sense but good reminders.

The difference between self-help books and therapy is that self-help books can raise your consciousness, but they do not apply specifically to you, your situation, and your history - the way therapy would.


1. Everyone wants approval and appreciation from others - even strangers. Everyone wants to be loved.

Example: a guy brings a magazine to a doctor’s office. He sets it on the table in the waiting room. Wh
Feb 17, 2012 Nikki rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction, health
I was in a bit of a funk this evening. A lot of a funk, actually. I got my first MA essay results back, and I wasn't happy with them. At all. And I blamed everyone else for how horrid I felt. And then I stumbled on this tucked away in the recesses of my Kindle: I read Loving What Is a while ago. I don't remember picking this up, but I do remember finding Byron Katie's work powerful and helpful, even if I didn't agree with it.

A lot of the issues I wasn't happy with in Loving What Is seem to be ad
Erica Chang
This book came into my life like a healing angel when I just had a very heartbroken and confusing week with an ex-lover.

When it comes to love and romance, men and boys and being with them, I am completely hopelessly helpless; when I'm loved my world has singing butterflies, smiling unicorns dancing in rainbow colored cotton candies, there are hopes for tomorrow and a smile on my face all day; but when I feel neglected, my world's a dead place, I don't even have a world, or a life, or anything, I
Jan 16, 2011 Maranda rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: self-help, 2011
This book helped me to recognize how my thoughts have affected every single relationship I have...even the one I have with myself. I discovered I am the one who has control over how the world sees me. And really what the world thinks really doesn't matter. All this time I have projected my own thoughts of self doubt, thoughts of not being good enough, or smart enough, or liked enough, or loved the right way, or whatever the thought was...I have projected my thoughts onto what I thought others th ...more
Feb 22, 2016 Holly rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This is a great book, but it definitely needs to be read after "Loving What Is". It is, in a way, a reminder of how "The Work" works, but it goes more in depth with personal relationships. I don't know that I could ever react in a calm, collected, non-sarcastic way when dealing with some of the scenarios presented in this book, but I suppose that Katie is offering the ideal to work toward. My favorite concept in this book is to try to focus on what behaviors we do to gain approval or love from o ...more
Jul 26, 2012 Bill rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I Need Your Love - Is That True? describes, with many interesting examples, how questioning our assumptions underlying our worries can relieve those worries. She assumes that whatever we are thinking behind those feelings of anger, fear, depression are less true than we assume. Changing our thoughts behind dysphoric feelings changes the feelings based on the false assumptions. It sounds too simple to be true, but through her numerous examples, she shows how it works.

The method is a variation of
Jan 05, 2010 Andrea rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
It's true - Byron Katie is some kind of genius. The four questions she has you ask yourself about ANY thought are simple and straightforward, yet they totally get to the heart of the matter, pretty much right away. But after the questions, it's the "turnaround" that really can change your viewpoint, perspective, understanding, entire way you think about your situation and your "story."

In short, when you have a thought that makes you suffer in some way, say, "My husband should apologize for igno
Holly Goguen
UM, OK Byron Katie is a genius. She's done what so many have failed to do, which is to elucidate a clear pathway from unhappiness to happiness with a few easy questions. This book is an expansion on her previous work, "Loving What IS"...which is the closest thing to a bible for me really. I've never heard more clearly the logical reasoning behind life's greatest emotional dissapointments, struggles, and fears...and I don't think I can do it justice to summarize any part. Therefore, I recommend e ...more
Natasha (Diarist) Holme
So, the things that you most want to hide from people are the things that you most want to tell people.
I don't really know what to make of this book, so I went with 3 stars.

On the one hand I understand some of the things she is saying, such as it is impossible to change someone, and that rather than being angry and hateful, you can move on rather than staying in the relationship being in pain and bitter all the time.

That said her concept of 'staying in your business ' and we cause our own suffering no matter the words or actions of others, are a lot harder for me to swallow. She used an example o
Katy Hansen
Oct 28, 2015 Katy Hansen rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Love the 4 questions. Only thing I can't quite grasp is that it SEEMS like if you follow the 4 questions, there is no reason to leave a relationship. Maybe I am just confused in my current relationship, but what I don't get, and she doesn't seem to address this, is trying to figure out what is best for you. I plan on reading some other relationship/self-help books by other authors to address that. I totally get that everything that happens to us, happens to help us grow in some way. I love that, ...more
Jul 30, 2012 Delnavaa rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book isn't a book you sit through read and then toss away. You should always have it in your pocket, somewhere handy and most importantly in your head. I didn't read the entirety of the book because once you understand the concept you feel so ridiculous that you continued thinking you need approval from everyone! If you want a healthy relationship, don't go looking for books about how to get your ex boyfriend, your coworker or your friend to love you again, get this book! You are the only ...more
It has been a couple of weeks since I finished this book, and like many others, it has CHANGED MY LIFE!!! (I've said the same thing about other books before, but isn't it wonderful there are so many life-changing books out there?!) I have been ridiculously happy ever since! (and yes, there have been a couple of tests!) I'm starting to wonder if it's even possible for my heart to have any more love and joy than it already has! I wholeheartedly believe that if more people did The Work, and questio ...more
Nov 30, 2008 Eileen rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: self-help, women
Well, this was my first exposure to Byron Katie. It wasn't a bad book but it was a new thought process to me, and I didn't really absorb the book the way I should. I might read it again, after the initial concepts sink in. Basically, her process is to question everything, every thought. And I find that can be a very valuable strategy. You think a thought and, as a bystander, ask - is that true? You question its truth and turn it around a few different ways, and very often, it loses its power. I ...more
Hlyan Htet Oo
Reading this book is a great experience. It felt like an internal revolution - it questions my thoughts and beliefs associated with being in love. It's painful though to "really question" my thoughts and beliefs and to clearly see the truth, the source of pain and problems. But it set my heart free. Now I feel more happiness and freedom. Thank you, Katie, for this wonderful experience.
Dec 28, 2009 Jenny rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
For those of us conditioned to base our self-worth on approval or love from others, this book does a fantastic job of showing how the desire for approval actually reflects a desire for us to be more accepting of ourselves. Katie provides many examples and strategies for getting out of our own way when it comes to leading happy, healthy lives and relationships.
Bethwyn (Butterfly Elephant Books)
Let me just state - I read what would be classified as 'self-help' books. And I don't have a problem with that.
This one was very interesting, and certainly teaches a lot about taking a step back and questioning thoughts that arise. I enjoyed reading it and now employ some of its tactics in my day-to-day life. :)
Apr 21, 2011 Nancy rated it really liked it
A fine refresher for us Loving What Is fans. Conversational, illustrative, clear. This is the thinking I want as part of my bedrock. My only wish is for some context: how is this related to Taoism (Linda says it is)? How do these concepts compare to other psychological approaches? (What would Jung say? etc.)
Mar 05, 2009 ali rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This woman is totally mind-blowing. I have read this book multiple times - when I need a reminder that I am responsible for my suffering. But only all of it. :)
Apr 06, 2009 Cristina rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
we are a lot stronger than we think, sometimes we seek the ok from others, but the answer lies within us the entire time.
May 31, 2014 Cara rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Really powerful book. This book and Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life really have changed my life. That one, I devoured in a few days. This one, I lingered over, got stuck in, reread parts of, jumped around, and generally took as a long journey. I probably spent three months just procrastinating the Apology Letter exercise. But I guess I finally did it exactly when I needed to. :)

I used to be very concerned about other people's approval, thinking I desperately needed their
Jude Arnold
Jan 09, 2017 Jude Arnold rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Wonderful! I got so much out of this book! Can't have an open heart without an open mind! The Work, Byron Katie's method of inquiry, is a simple way to maintain a happy life!
Oct 04, 2014 Cagne rated it really liked it
It's a good book about challenging thoughts, through a series of questions and P.O.V. changes, but at times it feels it can be hard to apply on your own. There are a lot of examples regarding specific situations, so a lot of the work is already done, but while reading them, some of the author's takes on the questions make you wonder if you could have thought that in her absence.

The author is geared towards challenging self-enabling, victim mentalities, sometimes very abruptly, making you groa
Apr 16, 2013 Clayton rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
The book aids you in forcing you to question those long held (yet stressful) beliefs you have... confronting those deeper emotional hinges that you can learn to let go of. The book gives you permission and useful exercises to question your own harmful thoughts when they are harming you most. I found myself re-reading sections to reabsorb the ideas the book has. Re-examining and releasing those self-limiting belief structures.

Compared to other similar books I have read, it stands above the rest a
Jun 13, 2016 Nina rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: psychology
I read Loving What Is many years ago and it helped me dramatically shift my thoughts about my relationship with my parents and my thoughts about what they should or shouldn't do or be. This book is the same work ("The Inquiry") more applied to romantic relationships. I liked it well enough but it wasn't a "game changer" for me this time. This is a good book for those of us privileged with ordinary frustrations and problems. In other words, if you are suffering from trauma or mental illness or ar ...more
Deepak Chaudhary
Dec 26, 2011 Deepak Chaudhary rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: recommended
Great book. This book can make you a different more happier and relaxed person. The title does seem like something you wouldn't want other people to know that you are reading but everyone does try to look for love approval and validation how awesome would it be if no one ever needed to give you that and you could just be happy to give of yourself or do what you really want to regardless of what anyone else especially the people closest to you reacts, people could say and do mean things to you an ...more
Oct 23, 2011 Talani rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I almost didn't read it because of the love & approval seeking subtitle. I put my head down and muscled through the first half of the book. The second half is dedicated to relationships and what an eye opener it was. I've been labeled insensitive for so long and so consistently throughout my life I thought it must be a true character flaw. It never occurred to me to ask why are you so sensitive? It never occurred to me that there were people out there suffering from "sensitivity" because the ...more
Stephanie Thoma
After reading "Loving what is" entertaining the main idea implicit in the title, and reading through the various ways that the "4 questions" can be applied, I don't think they're applicable to any and every situation, but when it comes to romance, there's a healthy amount!

FYI, the 4 questions come after writing down all of your thoughts on a particular situation.
1. Is that true?
2. Can you be absolutely certain that's true?
3. How do you react to this thought?
4. Who would you be without the thoug
Arminda Lindsay
What shows up for me reading this book is an overwhelming sense of gratitude for every single relationship I've thus experienced, from intimate ones to friendships to the sacred role of mother to my daughter.

Listening through others' stories about love and lost expectations I saw so much of myself that I'd never questioned or even challenged. Since there are no new stories, I was able to vicariously turn around my own so that by the end of the book I had not only rewritten my stories, but trans
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Byron Katie's turnarounds 2 24 Jan 14, 2013 12:29PM  
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  • Awakening Compassion: Meditation Practice for Difficult Times
  • There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate
  • Teachings on Love
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  • Undefended Love
  • Working on Yourself Doesn't Work: The 3 Simple Ideas That Can Instantaneously Transform Your Life
  • How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
  • Being Me, Loving You: A Practical Guide to Extraordinary Relationships
  • Steering by Starlight: Find Your Right Life, No Matter What!
  • A Philosopher's Notes: On Optimal Living, Creating an Authentically Awesome Life and Other Such Goodness, Vol. 1
  • Difficult Personalities: A Practical Guide to Managing the Hurtful Behavior of Others (and Maybe Your Own)
  • The Transparency of Things: Contemplating the Nature of Experience
  • How to be Happy (No Fairy Dust or Moonbeams Required)
Byron Kathleen Mitchell, better known as Byron Katie, is an American speaker and writer who teaches a method of self-inquiry called “The Work of Byron Katie” or simply “The Work.”

Katie became severely depressed in her early thirties. She was a businesswoman and mother who lived in Barstow, a small town in the high desert of southern California. For nearly a decade she spiraled down into paranoia,
More about Byron Katie...

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“Hurt feelings or discomfort of any kind cannot be caused by another person. No one outside me can hurt me. That's not a possibility. It's only when I believe a stressful thought that I get hurt. And I'm the one who's hurting me by believing what I think. This is very good news, because it means that I don't have to get someone else to stop hurting me. I'm the one who can stop hurting me. It's within my power.

What we are doing with inquiry is meeting our thoughts with some simple understanding, finally. Pain, anger, and frustration will let us know when it's time to inquire. We either believe what we think or we question it: there's no other choice. Questioning our thoughts is the kinder way. Inquiry always leaves us as more loving human beings.”
“I've always been just me, but I was the last to know that it was all right.” 5 likes
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