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I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead
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I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead

4.21 of 5 stars 4.21  ·  rating details  ·  990 ratings  ·  89 reviews
In Loving What Is, bestselling author Byron Katie introduced thousands of people to her simple and profound method of finding happiness through questioning the mind. Now, I Need Your LoveIs That True? examines a universal, age-old source of anxiety: our relationships with others. In this groundbreaking book, Katie helps you question everything you have been taught to do t ...more
Hardcover, 288 pages
Published April 5th 2005 by Harmony (first published 2002)
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I debated putting this book on my profile because I found the title a little embarrassing. But then I realized the irony of that thought. This book is about how you project what other people are thinking of you and how harmful that process is. So my embarrassment about reading this book had to do with fear that my GoodReads friends would think that I'm weak and clueless about relationships if I was caught reading such a book. So if I deny reading this book, I would have learned nothing from it. ...more
Jane Stewart
3 ½ stars. Some good ideas. Some are common sense but good reminders.

The difference between self-help books and therapy is that self-help books can raise your consciousness, but they do not apply specifically to you, your situation, and your history - the way therapy would.


1. Everyone wants approval and appreciation from others - even strangers. Everyone wants to be loved.

Example: a guy brings a magazine to a doctor’s office. He sets it on the table in the waiting room. W
I was in a bit of a funk this evening. A lot of a funk, actually. I got my first MA essay results back, and I wasn't happy with them. At all. And I blamed everyone else for how horrid I felt. And then I stumbled on this tucked away in the recesses of my Kindle: I read Loving What Is a while ago. I don't remember picking this up, but I do remember finding Byron Katie's work powerful and helpful, even if I didn't agree with it.

A lot of the issues I wasn't happy with in Loving What Is seem to be ad
Erica Chang
This book came into my life like a healing angel when I just had a very heartbroken and confusing week with an ex-lover.

When it comes to love and romance, men and boys and being with them, I am completely hopelessly helpless; when I'm loved my world has singing butterflies, smiling unicorns dancing in rainbow colored cotton candies, there are hopes for tomorrow and a smile on my face all day; but when I feel neglected, my world's a dead place, I don't even have a world, or a life, or anything, I
This book helped me to recognize how my thoughts have affected every single relationship I have...even the one I have with myself. I discovered I am the one who has control over how the world sees me. And really what the world thinks really doesn't matter. All this time I have projected my own thoughts of self doubt, thoughts of not being good enough, or smart enough, or liked enough, or loved the right way, or whatever the thought was...I have projected my thoughts onto what I thought others th ...more
I Need Your Love - Is That True? describes, with many interesting examples, how questioning our assumptions underlying our worries can relieve those worries. She assumes that whatever we are thinking behind those feelings of anger, fear, depression are less true than we assume. Changing our thoughts behind dysphoric feelings changes the feelings based on the false assumptions. It sounds too simple to be true, but through her numerous examples, she shows how it works.

The method is a variation of
This woman is totally mind-blowing. I have read this book multiple times - when I need a reminder that I am responsible for my suffering. But only all of it. :)
Natasha (Diarist) Holme
So, the things that you most want to hide from people are the things that you most want to tell people.
It's true - Byron Katie is some kind of genius. The four questions she has you ask yourself about ANY thought are simple and straightforward, yet they totally get to the heart of the matter, pretty much right away. But after the questions, it's the "turnaround" that really can change your viewpoint, perspective, understanding, entire way you think about your situation and your "story."

In short, when you have a thought that makes you suffer in some way, say, "My husband should apologize for igno
It has been a couple of weeks since I finished this book, and like many others, it has CHANGED MY LIFE!!! (I've said the same thing about other books before, but isn't it wonderful there are so many life-changing books out there?!) I have been ridiculously happy ever since! (and yes, there have been a couple of tests!) I'm starting to wonder if it's even possible for my heart to have any more love and joy than it already has! I wholeheartedly believe that if more people did The Work, and questio ...more
Well, this was my first exposure to Byron Katie. It wasn't a bad book but it was a new thought process to me, and I didn't really absorb the book the way I should. I might read it again, after the initial concepts sink in. Basically, her process is to question everything, every thought. And I find that can be a very valuable strategy. You think a thought and, as a bystander, ask - is that true? You question its truth and turn it around a few different ways, and very often, it loses its power. I ...more
Holly Goguen
UM, OK Byron Katie is a genius. She's done what so many have failed to do, which is to elucidate a clear pathway from unhappiness to happiness with a few easy questions. This book is an expansion on her previous work, "Loving What IS"...which is the closest thing to a bible for me really. I've never heard more clearly the logical reasoning behind life's greatest emotional dissapointments, struggles, and fears...and I don't think I can do it justice to summarize any part. Therefore, I recommend e ...more
Arminda Lindsay
What shows up for me reading this book is an overwhelming sense of gratitude for every single relationship I've thus experienced, from intimate ones to friendships to the sacred role of mother to my daughter.

Listening through others' stories about love and lost expectations I saw so much of myself that I'd never questioned or even challenged. Since there are no new stories, I was able to vicariously turn around my own so that by the end of the book I had not only rewritten my stories, but trans
For those of us conditioned to base our self-worth on approval or love from others, this book does a fantastic job of showing how the desire for approval actually reflects a desire for us to be more accepting of ourselves. Katie provides many examples and strategies for getting out of our own way when it comes to leading happy, healthy lives and relationships.
Bethwyn (Butterfly Elephant Books)
Let me just state - I read what would be classified as 'self-help' books. And I don't have a problem with that.
This one was very interesting, and certainly teaches a lot about taking a step back and questioning thoughts that arise. I enjoyed reading it and now employ some of its tactics in my day-to-day life. :)
A fine refresher for us Loving What Is fans. Conversational, illustrative, clear. This is the thinking I want as part of my bedrock. My only wish is for some context: how is this related to Taoism (Linda says it is)? How do these concepts compare to other psychological approaches? (What would Jung say? etc.)
we are a lot stronger than we think, sometimes we seek the ok from others, but the answer lies within us the entire time.
It's a good book about challenging thoughts, through a series of questions and P.O.V. changes, but at times it feels it can be hard to apply on your own. There are a lot of examples regarding specific situations, so a lot of the work is already done, but while reading them, some of the author's takes on the questions make you wonder if you could have thought that in her absence.

The author is geared towards challenging self-enabling, victim mentalities, sometimes very abruptly, making you groa
Really powerful book. This book and Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life really have changed my life. That one, I devoured in a few days. This one, I lingered over, got stuck in, reread parts of, jumped around, and generally took as a long journey. I probably spent three months just procrastinating the Apology Letter exercise. But I guess I finally did it exactly when I needed to. :)

I used to be very concerned about other people's approval, thinking I desperately needed their
Deepak Chaudhary
Great book. This book can make you a different more happier and relaxed person. The title does seem like something you wouldn't want other people to know that you are reading but everyone does try to look for love approval and validation how awesome would it be if no one ever needed to give you that and you could just be happy to give of yourself or do what you really want to regardless of what anyone else especially the people closest to you reacts, people could say and do mean things to you an ...more
I almost didn't read it because of the love & approval seeking subtitle. I put my head down and muscled through the first half of the book. The second half is dedicated to relationships and what an eye opener it was. I've been labeled insensitive for so long and so consistently throughout my life I thought it must be a true character flaw. It never occurred to me to ask why are you so sensitive? It never occurred to me that there were people out there suffering from "sensitivity" because the ...more
The book aids you in forcing you to question those long held (yet stressful) beliefs you have... confronting those deeper emotional hinges that you can learn to let go of. The book gives you permission and useful exercises to question your own harmful thoughts when they are harming you most. I found myself re-reading sections to reabsorb the ideas the book has. Re-examining and releasing those self-limiting belief structures.

Compared to other similar books I have read, it stands above the rest a
One star facetiously knocked off because I found this one to be more meandering and less direct than Loving What Is. Nevertheless, this book did teach me a little more about how to apply the Work to my self-hateful and anxious statements, which I am still struggling with. Turnarounds are not so obvious when applied to the self, and the Work is much more difficult to penetrate...

Anyway. Liked it! Look forward to reading and doing more.
Sue T
I RARELY read self-help books. This one kept coming up in magazine articles about or by successful women who underwent major life changes and credited them to the work of "Katie" (that's what she is called for short). The comments I read made me curious, so I picked up this book.

Katie uses a method of questioning to help people recognize that other people's behavior is not the cause of their distress. Rather, it is one's own thinking and beliefs about other people's behavior that causes the dis
This audio-tape was just okay, with a ton of anecdotes. I really liked Byron's Loving What Is. I think this is an okay follow up to that book if you want more examples....but I'm not sure it helps things sink in deeper. Also, seeing the steps in print and writing them out is helpful. Questioning these things in your mind is pretty difficult.
I really liked this book. I don't have to believe every thought I have and especially the ones that start with "I need..." I liked the chapter in learning to love ourselves. Great exercises to be done throughout the book. I listened to it the first time I read it and enjoyed hearing the author speak. Then went through the PDF version to work on the assignments. Great tool and skill to learn.
Ummmm read it I couldn't connect with it at all. At first I wondered if there was something wrong with me, but now I just think her approach is not as compassionate as I need. And I gave up on it because I couldn't follow her ...

But at times this book offers good guidance and helps on how to answer difficult, challenging questions with tact while maintaining your personal boundaries.!!

Karri Lewis
Jul 06, 2008 Karri Lewis rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone looking for self improvement
This book expounds on the other book by Byron Katie "loving what is" and is very profound. This takes an honest look at relationships and clarifies the self, as "the ultimate love in our lives." It teaches that if we are in other people's business, then who is taking care of our business? As Byron Katie says, there only 3 types of business; my business, your business and god's business (or whatever one wants to call it). This book helps clarify that the love we feel for others is created within ...more
This book isn't a book you sit through read and then toss away. You should always have it in your pocket, somewhere handy and most importantly in your head. I didn't read the entirety of the book because once you understand the concept you feel so ridiculous that you continued thinking you need approval from everyone! If you want a healthy relationship, don't go looking for books about how to get your ex boyfriend, your coworker or your friend to love you again, get this book! You are the only ...more
Jeannine Lee
Any of Byron Katie's books will challenge your thinking. We make up these great stories in our heads and then worry and fret when those stories may not even be true at all. Eye opening
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Byron Katie's turnarounds 2 22 Jan 14, 2013 12:29PM  
  • Falling Into Grace: Insights on the End of Suffering
  • The Diamond in Your Pocket: Discovering Your True Radiance
  • There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate
  • Supercoach: 10 Secrets to Transform Anyone's Life
  • Reinventing Yourself: How to Become the Person You've Always Wanted to Be
  • Teachings on Love
  • Dark Nights of the Soul: A Guide to Finding Your Way Through Life's Ordeals
  • How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
  • The Enlightened Mind: An Anthology of Sacred Prose
  • A Philosopher's Notes: On Optimal Living, Creating an Authentically Awesome Life and Other Such Goodness, Vol. 1
  • The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You
  • Entering the Castle: An Inner Path to God and Your Soul
  • Finding Your Way in a Wild New World: Reclaim Your True Nature to Create the Life You Want
  • A Course In Weight Loss: 21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever
  • We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love
  • Undefended Love
  • Frequency: The Power of Personal Vibration
  • Hurry Up And Meditate: Your Starter Kit For Inner Peace And Better Health
Byron Kathleen Mitchell, better known as Byron Katie, is an American speaker and writer who teaches a method of self-inquiry called “The Work of Byron Katie” or simply “The Work.”

Katie became severely depressed in her early thirties. She was a businesswoman and mother who lived in Barstow, a small town in the high desert of southern California. For nearly a decade she spiraled down into paranoia,
More about Byron Katie...
Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life A Thousand Names for Joy: Living in Harmony with the Way Things Are Who Would You Be Without Your Story?: Dialogues with Byron Katie Question Your Thinking, Change The World: Quotations from Byron Katie Your Inner Awakening: The Work of Byron Katie: Four Questions That Will Transform Your Life

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“Hurt feelings or discomfort of any kind cannot be caused by another person. No one outside me can hurt me. That's not a possibility. It's only when I believe a stressful thought that I get hurt. And I'm the one who's hurting me by believing what I think. This is very good news, because it means that I don't have to get someone else to stop hurting me. I'm the one who can stop hurting me. It's within my power.

What we are doing with inquiry is meeting our thoughts with some simple understanding, finally. Pain, anger, and frustration will let us know when it's time to inquire. We either believe what we think or we question it: there's no other choice. Questioning our thoughts is the kinder way. Inquiry always leaves us as more loving human beings.”
“I've always been just me, but I was the last to know that it was all right.” 1 likes
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