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Snowballin': I Fucked Frosty

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3.60  ·  Rating Details  ·  50 Ratings  ·  38 Reviews
When a boyfriend fails to fulfill his sexual duties, sometimes the only option is to turn to the cold embrace of a snowman.
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Published May 28th 2012
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Best Monster/Bizarre Erotica Book
25th out of 235 books — 141 voters
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Best Monster Porn
5th out of 17 books — 11 voters


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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 189)
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karen



won't you join me on my erotic train??

because COME ON!!!!

i have read a lot of these, now, way more than i thought i would when i first discovered that lactation erotica was "a thing." and then it became funnier and funnier for me to explore the peaks and valleys of bizarro porn. are these sexxy? i don't know - you tell me - for i am always just looking for what will make me laugh.

and this one made me laugh.

snowman erotica!

because why not??

i mean, it is clearly something that is not uncommon,
...more
Jason
Jan 29, 2015 Jason rated it really liked it
Stephen is such a vapid tool. How can someone with this much space between his ears even function? It is no wonder that Stephen can’t satisfy his girlfriend because Stephen has nothing going for him other than his oversized penis. He’s like one of those beefed up gym monkeys, but if you knock, there doesn’t appear to be anybody home.

So what’s a girl to do? Well in this chilly twist of the erotic comedy genre, Stephen’s girlfriend needs to take matters into her own hands. When the vapid tool leav
...more
Sammy Loves Books
This Halloween Monster Sex Gangbang
*******just got Frosty*******

stiffy

The only frozen stiffy in this book belonged to Frosty, the Horny Snowman. But it does make one ask themselves, How drunk or horny would you have to be to screw a snowman??


prank

So our Heroine and her boyfriend, Stephen, are outside playing in the snow. They decide to make an anatomically correct, (well endowed) snowman. Stephen gets horny and insists that they get busy in the snow. And since he is a selfish lover, he gets his jolly's off
...more
Brandi
Dec 03, 2013 Brandi rated it did not like it
Oh my gawd, I am laughing so hard right now, hahaha! My first foray into the monster porn genre and I finally understand it's appeal- it's fucking hilarious! It could have benefited from even a simple proof read since the mistakes in there wouldn't be tolerated by a high school paper, but otherwise, this was seriously funny; I just don't know if the author meant it to be or not.


description

description


The next time I see monster porn come up:

description
Erica Ravenclaw
Dec 04, 2013 Erica Ravenclaw rated it did not like it
 photo Bashful-Imgur_zpsd733187d.gif

Uhhh, SPOILERS! If you want the thrill of finding out the plot of this 7 pages book, turn back now!


Well that was a particularly interesting take on Frosty the Snowman. Thumpetty thump thump, thumpetty thump thump. Look at Frosty go.

Honestly this bitch just straight mounted a snowman and then this happened:

"Oh god, give me that South Pole!" I cried in abandonment.

Then she killed him.

 photo frosty15_zps0238409d.gif

It's OK though really, don't be too distraught. She drifted past her boyfriend to look longingly at the fallin
...more
Penny Watson
Dec 04, 2013 Penny Watson rated it liked it
Recommended to Penny by: Mrs. Missive
I'm not sure how to rate this exactly.

1. I can't believe I just read something titled Snowballin': I Fucked Frosty. (I blame Mrs. Missive).

2. I can't believe I just laughed reading something titled Snowballin': I Fucked Frosty. (I blame Mrs. Missive).

3. I can't believe that in spite of horrible formatting, typos and errors, I was entertained by something titled Snowballin': I Fucked Frosty. (I blame Mrs. Missive).

4. I'm doomed.

In conclusion, if you're in the mood for a raunchy, ridiculous, funny
...more
Esteban del Mal
Like you wouldn't.

***

YELLOW SNOW! YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT THING'S BEEN, LADY!

Carl Jung, in an essay on James Joyce's Ulysses, argued that what society condemns as ugly is really just the harbinger for coming changes. If that's true, this story purposefully scandalizes the tastes and sensibilities of the bourgeoisie and is laying the foundation for a ground swell in...well, what exactly?

An army of snowmen jabbing us in our asses, that's what.

But hey? What with global warming and the alienation
...more
mark monday
Dec 19, 2013 mark monday rated it it was ok
Shelves: sexathon
~ Auralie Vierge is just a really lovely name. does "Vierge" mean something? lemme go check... oh, it means "Virgin Sauce"! that's kinda nasty.

~ SEXY SPOILER ALERT! (view spoiler)

~ i read a review, maybe more than one, that points out what a jerk Stephen is. on this topic, i
...more
Andrew Shaffer
Dec 04, 2013 Andrew Shaffer rated it really liked it
Like most self-published ebook oddities, it's short (five or six pages, maybe). It's fun and hilarious, unfortunately marred by an exceedingly high number of grammatical errors.

In case you're wondering, yes, a woman does have intercourse with a magical snowman. It's so over-the-top, though, that it's not sexy—not even by a long shot—so serious snow fetishists may want to look elsewhere. It also doesn't feature the sexual act known as "snowballing," a criminally-missed opportunity if I've ever se
...more
Shelby *trains flying monkeys*
May 29, 2014 Shelby *trains flying monkeys* rated it really liked it
Recommended to Shelby *trains flying monkeys* by: karen
I had sworn off monster porn. I really had. Quit laughing damn you. Our lovely queen karen convinced me to give it another shot. With sexy snow man loving.
This chick has an arsehole of a boyfriend who decides to build an snowman with a rather large member.

After finishing himself off he goes in look of food. Our heroine decides to try out some Frosty loving.
Read the book you pervs! I'm not giving the story away.

I recieved a copy of this from the author. I'm not reading anymore monster porn th
...more
Shamus McCarty
Mar 08, 2014 Shamus McCarty rated it really liked it
I kind of want to shove a snowball up my ass now...
Delilah Fawkes
Hilarious!

This is the first book I've read by this author, and it didn't disappoint. I went in expecting a weird funny sex romp, and this book delivered. HARD. I laughed out loud a few times throughout because of lines like these:

"The Eskimos may have a hundred words for snow, but at that moment, I only had two: Fuck. Yeah."

"Give me that South Pole!"

LOL

This was a pure snowball made of frozen fun, and I highly recommend it if you're looking for a crazy, sexy read!
Ela
Dec 03, 2013 Ela rated it liked it
I am giving this book 3 stars for creativity and its hilarious aspect of snowcock leaking water....Anywho this book makes me wonder how it would be to fuck a scarecrow????
Laima
Loved it!!
This short story was an adventure in food ( Oreo cookies and tuna casserole) and fun (a new winter sport).
Hilarious and filled with amusing lgm moments!
Jen
Dec 03, 2013 Jen added it
So... monster erotica keeps popping up on my review feed. And I'm curious. My kindle worked for the first two, but I'm having trouble getting text on this one. Which is sad because it has been so hot here lately, and sporting with balls of snow might have been a nice diversion.

Update- months later, because that's how I roll. in slooooow mo.

"There must've been some magic in that old silk hat they found,
For when they placed it on his head he began to dance around."


Even if monster erotica mig
...more
Mrs. Missive
Dec 03, 2013 Mrs. Missive rated it liked it
This was a short story. But I had to buy it. I owed the author my 99¢ just for having the balls to put their name on this title.

There were errors. Anyone who can't turn off their inner editor will have issues, but some funny one liners and...the fact that our MC looked longingly into oreo cookie eyes...I was entertained.

Now....I am off to find a fedora. ;p
Dana
Dec 03, 2013 Dana rated it really liked it
Definitely the best snowman porn I've ever read!

Though, as far as frozen lovers go, perphaps not quite as good as that lovely fanfic about an ice sculpture boyfriend.
Adam Floridia
On my currently reading list: Beowulf, Nabokov, and...this. Let no one say I am a book-snob or literary-elitist, for like the protagonist herein, I will try anything once. (Although, I do smell a sequel...at least for the protagonist.)

I was impressed by the author's very specific/deliberate word choice; double-entendres sprung up in even the non-erotic parts. Then there are other subtle allusions that add a surprising layer of depth: "He spoke not a word, obviously, and there was a charged stil
...more
Lila
This was just... bothersome. Seriously, it didn't achieve much beyond annoying the shit out of me!
Now, don't get me wrong, I like snowmen. They're wonderful fun (or so I assume from all I’ve seen on TV – I’ve never been able to create one here in the land down under)
Plus, recent films have proven how brilliant (if not a bit goofy) they can be.

On a more adult note:
Snow, ice, I can see how they can be sexy – the temperature on lovely lady parts (and potentially man parts) is known to be pleasurab
...more
Alisa
Dec 03, 2013 Alisa rated it really liked it
Shelves: erotica, funny, 2012
How could I NOT buy a story called "Snowballin"?

ok.. I didnt know what this story would be about but I love Christmas Time to I figured it would be festive..

"Snowballin: I Fucked Frosty" is one of those literary wonders of the world.. The story that makes you truly wonder.. what would it feel like to be giving a "snowjob" to a snowman and feel his branch arms caressing your head and making you bob faster and faster? Well, wonder no longer folks.. because with this story, you now know the answer.
...more
Donald Armfield
I'm taking this story as lesson learned. If it happen to be wife's idea or mine to fuck in the snow. After building a snowman with a ten inch cock. I will definitely please my wife in a snow fucking event.

There must of been some magic in that old fendor hat. because Stephen's girlfriend got what she wanted from Frosty's icicle member, that her boyfriend could not finish. And she is planning on making another snowman.

Funny and well written. I will look forward to more from this author.
Renetta
Dec 03, 2013 Renetta rated it it was amazing
Shelves: kindle, i-blame-karen
I will never look at a snowman the same again... or an Oreo cookie for that matter! ;)

Ok, this was a first for me and it was actually really good and dare I say... I would read more. It's official, I'm a monster porn reader! We all knew I would make it here eventually though. :)

P.S. Frosty was far more "hot" that Christian Grey... just sayin!
Torzilla
Dec 03, 2013 Torzilla rated it it was amazing
I gotta get me some snowman sex.

Apparently 10 inch snow dicks are way better than the real thing. Who would have thought?

Most memorable wtf quote: "marinating in my fluids"

Funniest thing I have read in ages. I wish I could paste the text convo I have with Karen while we read this.
Toni (U.A.C.)
There, is only 13 pages so I don't think it's worth 5 stars. However, there were some great one liners, such as:

"The Stephen does what the Stephen wants!"

"Oh god, give me that South Pole!"

"The Eskimos may have a hundred words for snow, but at that moment, I had only two: F#$%. Yeah."

Funny, but not much of a story, just a fantasy scene.
Steven Shroyer
Dec 03, 2013 Steven Shroyer rated it it was amazing
Uh... what to say about this without sounding like a perv. It's pretty good if you like to read about Female/Snowman relations.... aw what the heck am I saying. This book is funny as hell, and the author does it with a stone faced seriousness that amps up the humor even more. A quick read for those of us who want to just see how screwy some people can get
Brandi Burlington
Dec 03, 2013 Brandi Burlington rated it it was amazing
I never thought about what it would be like to fuck a snowman, but damn if I didn't wish it were winter now so I could go out and build one to see what happens.

Hot stuff in the icy cold, and very very funny!

R *is for Relentless*
Not a literary masterpiece, but a short hot (or I should say frigid) read. It is snowman porn after all! Life's to short to take seriously this was fun and made me LOL!
Scubasubiker
Dec 03, 2013 Scubasubiker rated it really liked it
Shelves: pnr, mf, erotica, monster-sex
LOL! That was a 10 minute read so worth $0.99! Ha... WTF hilarious.
Loránd Szakács
Fucking hilarious!!

It's no mystery what this is about, says it all right in the title. I'm just going to give a few excerpts of dialogue:

Oreos, Stephen? Why are you wasting food??

I maintained Oreo-contact, but while he seemed to see me, his eyes remained opaque

I decided to just start with what came naturally, with - I guess you would call it - a "snow job"? I started with the snowballs...

"Oh god, give me that South Pole!"

The Eskimos may have a hundred words for snow, but at that moment, I only h
...more
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