Dear Zari: The Secret Lives of the Women of Afghanistan

Rate this book

Clear rating

1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars

Dear Zari: The Secret Lives of the Women of Afghanistan

3.91 of 5 stars 3.91 · rating details · 180 ratings · 48 reviews

Moving, enlightening, and heartbreaking, Dear Zari gives voice to the secret lives of Afghan women. For the first time, Dear Zari allows these women to tell their stories in their own words: from the child bride given as payment to end of a family feud, to a life spent in a dark, dusty room weaving carpets, from a young girl being brought up as a boy, to a woman living as...more

Paperback, 250 pages

Published June 1st 2012 by Sourcebooks (first published May 1st 2011)

more details... edit details

Get a copy:

More…

Friend Reviews

To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

Lists with This Book

The Riddle of the Labyrinth by Margalit Fox

Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder

Unfamous Real Life Heroes / Heroines

8th out of 10 books — 6 voters

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

The Bookseller of Kabul by Åsne Seierstad

Kabul Beauty School by Deborah Rodriguez

Afghanistan in Literature

60th out of 131 books — 119 voters

More lists with this book...

Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 542)

filter | sort: default (?) | rating details

Jun 26, 2012 Jennalyn rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: first-reads-giveaway, non-fiction

I received a free copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads.

Knowing relatively little about modern Afghanistan other than what little I've heard on the news, I was interested to hear accounts of what life is really like for Afghan women. Kargar gathered the stories presented in this book while working for the BBC and producing a radio program called the Afghan Woman's Hour. She spends a fair amount of the book discussing her own experiences as a journalist and reflecting on how the stories...more

like 1 like · see review

Feb 01, 2013 Melissa rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: afghanistan, memoir, non-fiction, womens-studies

Sometimes, when moaning about unfairness, reading a book like this one really teaches you what fair is. Half the things in this book my brain couldn't even fathom let alone try to relate to what the women if Afghanistan go through. And as hard as it was to read, I think it truly was an important read.

The author, Zarghuna Kargar, is from Afghanistan. They fled when she was young and ended up in Europe where she started working for the BBC and their radio programs. Most specifically, she helped st...more Sometimes, when moaning about unfairness, reading a book like this one really teaches you what fair is. Half the things in this book my brain couldn't even fathom let alone try to relate to what the women if Afghanistan go through. And as hard as it was to read, I think it truly was an important read.

The author, Zarghuna Kargar, is from Afghanistan. They fled when she was young and ended up in Europe where she started working for the BBC and their radio programs. Most specifically, she helped start a program called the Afghan Women's hour which showcased stories from women around Afghanistan. It featured their jobs, troubles, and important topics of the day. From these stories she chose a few to write this book showing different troubles the women of Afghanistan has. And in between, she intersperses her own story, that of a woman who's in a "western" civilization but was still forced to go through an arranged marriage and her struggles with it.

The stories of the women in here are heartbreaking. The amount of suffering they have to go through is overwhelming and they must be a very strong culture in order for the women to survive it. Here, if someone gets a bad grade on a test they can go into complete breakdown. In Afghanistan a woman can be married off, raped, beaten every day, and still not be able to complain about it. And the different stories in this book were all very moving. Zari (Zarghuna) herself is also very brave. She was not afraid to do what it took to get these stories and deal with her own trouble of an arranged marriage at the same time. She is unflinching in telling these stories too. Most people might try to soften it for a reader, but Zari, like a true reporter, tells it as it happened, which I think is respectful to the people who's stories are contained here.

The style is mainly one of short stories, but they are all connected. The tales range from being sold to repay a debt, to being widowed, and falling in love (which is forbidden for most women in Afghanistan). And they are hard topics. It could be too much for people, I know I had tears running down my face as I was reading this book. My only real complaint of the book has nothing to do with the tragic stories within though. It was more the way it was put together. The short stories were a little too short and bounced about a bit. It was hard to maintain focus, especially since the book made you want to read it in short bits already because of the sadness.

A sad, tragic book. But well worth reading. If nothing else these women's voices need to be heard, and this book makes sure that happens.

Dear Zari
Copyright 2012
250 pages

Review by M. Reynard 2013

More of my reviews can be found at www.ifithaswords.blogspot.com (less)

like · see review

Jan 28, 2013 Taj rated it 3 of 5 stars

I don't know how to properly rate a book that is so unpleasant in its honesty and its bleakness. The book itself is well-written, poignant, approachable and important. The subject matter is depressing, hopeless, infuriating and incomprehensible. It leaves the reader wondering is there a "normal" Afghan experience. Is there an Afghan family unit with ties of loyalty, fidelity and love? Because after reading these stories, you are left jaded and cynical to wonder if such familial ties exist or are...more

like · see review

Jul 04, 2012 Becca rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: first-reads, memoirs

*** I received a free copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads. ***

This book was not what I was expecting, but not in a bad way. Instead of being the author's recounting of the experiences of various women in Afghanistan, it was more of a memoir of the run of "Afghan Women's Hour", a radio program broadcast by BBC.

That said, most of the stories and writing read as radio copy, and not as literature. The nuances I usually expect from memoirs that show (instead of tell) were not there, but i...more

like · see review

Jan 06, 2012 Dina rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

'Tradition usually overshadows religion. Few people are properly knowledgeable about Islam and so cultural practice becomes confused with religious doctrine. Sometimes this confusion is deliberate. If you go to an Afghan village and ask a woman who has not been to school and has no education about her Islamic rights, she would probably tell you about all the traditional rules that she has followed and that her mother, her grandmother and aunties have always followed. Information about Islamic ri...more 'Tradition usually overshadows religion. Few people are properly knowledgeable about Islam and so cultural practice becomes confused with religious doctrine. Sometimes this confusion is deliberate. If you go to an Afghan village and ask a woman who has not been to school and has no education about her Islamic rights, she would probably tell you about all the traditional rules that she has followed and that her mother, her grandmother and aunties have always followed. Information about Islamic rights and the law of the country is very limited. Lack of education is chiefly to blame, but these traditions are also maintained at home in each family, and passed down from mother to mother...'

The quote above perfectly sums up what this book is about. It is a collection of the true stories of 13 Afghan women collected through the BBC World Service programme Afghan Women's Hour and their every day struggles with harsh cultural traditions such as early marriage for young girls without their agreement, marrying off girls to solve a dispute between families or to cover up a shameful secret, and girls who are forced for marriage as a substitute for paying al-mahr. It also highlights the terrible treatment a widow is treated with and how she is forced to re-marry as a way to secure her dead husband's honor as well as a desperate move to find someone who would help her financially, how a woman is not given her rightful share of inheritance, and the violence women are treated with as if they were animals and many more examples of the realities these women live in.
The stories of these women are a testimony for how cultural traditions could be mistaken for Islamic sharia law or govermental laws. I think Afghanistan was a great example to stress this subject which is followed in almost every Arabic and Islamic country. Men claim their behaviors to be part of their Islamic rights, that a girl belongs to her family and her husband who can deal with her as they please, when in fact Islam condemned some of these actions that are purely part of the barbaric tribal culture that had been carried down from fathers to sons long before Islam came to the scene. Women are not given education so they would not see light from the dark and learn about their Islamic lawful rights of speaking up and having a say in their lives. Men treat women like cattle; her only job is to give him a son and then hell be with her.

I honestly don't know who's fault is it in this messed up situation; tradition alone or women who raise their sons as kings telling them that a woman should be his slave because he is a 'man' while a daughter is raised as a guest in her parents' house until some man carries her off to his house. Some mothers go to the point of over feeding the son while barely feeding the daughter, believing that the boy will grow up and become a man, thus he needs to eat and be healthy to bring healthy kids. What about your daughter? She'll grow up to be weak and thus not be able to have healthy children to the man she'll marry. A family shows sorrow for the birth of a girl for she will be an extra mouth to feed and a burden while a boy is welcomed with celebrations and partying for he will be the one to take care of his parents and carry the family's name through his children. Why don't any of these women tell their sons to be a decent man and treat his wife with kindness and respect unlike the way his father treats her? Apparently these women believe that men have the right to treat them the way they do.

One of the surprising things I've learned about this book is how a woman would be treated if she fell in love; doing so would bring shame to her family and everything is done to separate her from her lover, yet if a boy falls in love his parents would be proud of him believing he has finally become mature and will do all their might to ensure his marriage to his lover. This is probably the only example from this book I could relate to from what I have grown up to see in my family which is something I have never gave any thought before reading this book. A male member of my family is praised for falling in love, yet a girl is looked down on as an indecent woman for doing so.

There is no such thing as a sex education in Afghanistan. A woman is in most cases is left in the dark and has no clue regarding the physical relationship between a man and a wife. Such a subject is considered to be a major taboo and is completely unspoken of. Yet, a woman is all of a sudden expected to know what to do on her weeding night. But a man always knows what to do; he's been told of course. Why? Because he is a man and must make mama proud by entering a virgin and showing his entire family her blood the next day on a sacred handkerchief as a confirmation of the brides virginity. But no one knows that a virgin needn't bleed on her first intercourse -another reason for the importance of a decent sex education. It differs from one woman to another. Yet if she doesn't bleed she is considered to be a prostitute and her husband would in most cases divorce her and her parents might kill her. How come a woman is judged if she is a virgin or not upon marriage when most men have already had a lengthy sexual performances before marriage?

Honor crimes is another subject this book discusses. How a family's honor depended on a woman's behaviors. How easy it is to kill a woman for some mediocrity yet if a man did the same action he would be set free. If a woman goes to work and earn a living, go out of her house on her own or even ask for her right of inheritance then she is considered to have committed a crime and might be murdered.

On a literary level this book, to be honest made me feel slightly bored.Every chapter consisted of one of the 13 Afghan women's story. The chapter would be about 30 pages long while the story itself only consist of about six of them. Although she gives lengthy geographical , political, religious and traditional details, Kargar spends a lot of time repeating certain aspects of her own life or of the political situation in Afghanistan. It is said that repetition stresses a point, but honestly it bores you out as well. Sometimes Kargar would cut in the middle of a story to give a needless remark "Oh, this reminds me of myself!". Yes, we clearly notice through these women's stories that no matter what your financial position is or where an Afghan woman lives that the tradition's burden is the same, but there is no need to remind us every single chapter. At times she would be discussing one woman's story, and then stash up another three or four women's story in between one main story which is confusing. Another thing is I noticed how is Kargar lacked knowledge of Islam in certain aspects, including Islam's point of view regarding homosexuality.

Nevertheless, I liked this book and have a great respect for Kargar for bringing light to these women's issues and most importantly the difference between Islamic law and tradition's laws. These women's stories are filled with cruelty yet are influential. Everyone who thinks Islam is a barbaric religions should think twice and read this book. There is a difference between Islam and cultural traditions people.
(less)

like 2 likes · see review

Jul 08, 2012 Zahra rated it 3 of 5 stars

I won this book from Goodreads first reads.

The extent of information I have of Afghanistan is from what I read in the Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns. Even in those books, it is hard to believe the amount of terror and hardship the people of Afghanistan have had to face over the last couple of decades.

Dear Zari is a compilation of stories of women's lives. Women from all over Afghanistan speak of their submission and oppression that has caused them to live a life that really cannot be...more

like · see review

Apr 06, 2013 Justin rated it 4 of 5 stars

A somewhat harrowing read, which at times reminded me of Holocaust narratives, this is definitely worth a read for understanding why Soviet and Western promotion of women's rights was so antagonistic. It's also a fascinating insight into Afghan society and culture, as well as showing how valuable the BBC's various radio broadcasts around the world - which made it all the more shocking and extremely poignant to read that Afghan Woman's Hour was axed in early 2010 due to funding cuts.

So Zarghuna w...more

like · see review

Jun 15, 2012 Jennifer Owens rated it 4 of 5 stars

Zarghuna Kargar was born in Kabul, Afghanistan and left in 1994. From her new home in England, she produced a magazine-style radio program “Afghan Women’s Hour,” a BBC broadcast. The show was quite popular and this book is a gathering of the stories from some of the women. She lifts the veil on Afghani culture, religion and women’s role in marriage and society. The stories provide plenty of fodder for discussions of women’s rights, cultural conflicts and the notions behind some of the ingrained...more

like · see review

Jul 09, 2012 Ann rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: first-reads

I received a free copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads.

I found this book to be very informative and enlightening about the plight of Afghan women. Through Zari's work with the BBC, she was able to interview and obtain first hand accounts of the different situations that Afghan women find themselves. Their struggle with their religious beliefs and the strong traditions held by their culture, I found to be very overwhelmimg.

As a woman in the United States, I take many of my rights and p...more

like · see review

Jul 11, 2012 Lamya rated it 4 of 5 stars

I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads.

This paragraph is a good summary from the whole book: "Tradition usually overshadows religion. Few people are properly knowledgeable about Islam and so cultural practice becomes confused with religious doctrine. Sometimes this confusion is deliberate. If you go to an Afghan village and ask a woman who has not been to school and has no education about her Islamic rights, she would probably tell you about all the traditional rules that sh...more

like · see review

Feb 29, 2012 DubaiReader rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2012, kindle, festival-book-group

Afghan Woman's Hour.

The author of this collection of true stories is a young woman whose roots are in Afghanistan, but whose life has been lived as a refugee in Pakistan and an immigrant in UK. This has given her a unique perspective on the lives of her fellow Afghanis. She has been able to use this inside/outside view to present Afghan Woman's Hour, a radio programme on the BBC. Although the programme is now discontinued, for many years it provided a life-line for isolated Afghani women to real...more Afghan Woman's Hour.

The author of this collection of true stories is a young woman whose roots are in Afghanistan, but whose life has been lived as a refugee in Pakistan and an immigrant in UK. This has given her a unique perspective on the lives of her fellow Afghanis. She has been able to use this inside/outside view to present Afghan Woman's Hour, a radio programme on the BBC. Although the programme is now discontinued, for many years it provided a life-line for isolated Afghani women to realise that they were not alone in their struggles. It also opened the eyes of at least a few men to the realities of life as an Afghani woman.

The twelve stories in the book are true accounts of women's lives, as recounted to Zarghuna, either directly or via her reporters, for the radio programme. The accounts include Zarghuna's own life story - even though she was an educated woman, by now living in UK, she still found herself subjected to a forced marriage. The stories emphasise the power of cultural traditions over the requirements of Islam, the latter being far more lenient on women.

Some of the stories we are familiar with by now - young girls being married off to older men, women marrying brothers-in-law after the death of their husbands and the pressure on women to bear sons. Others were more surprising - marrying off a homosexual son to protect him and the family from shame, using a daughter to settle a grievance and, possibly most horrifying of all, dosing young babies with opium so the mothers can keep working to earn an income.

There were a few chinks of hope, but they were few. Some matches were happy, occasionally parents took heed of their daughters wishes, but overall, I felt that there was little support offered between women. Mothers didn't even explain to their daughters how to use the all important white handkerchief on their wedding night. With just a little more community spirit perhaps some of this suffering could have been prevented.

I read this on Kindle, which was fine, but for the problem with referring back to previous chapters. The map at the beginning was also of little use as I could not expand it sufficiently to see it. And I wasn't aware of the Glossary at the back until I reached it.
However, it was not for these reasons that I dropped a star in my rating. I hate to say it, but these types of stories are beginning to become all too familiar, and while I certainly do not wish for any more horrors to befal these poor women, I was also beginning to feel that I'd read this book before. The format was well worn and reading one story after another was a bit awkward.
Having said that, I hope this book continues the excellent work of Afghan Woman's Hour in helping and supporting these downtrodden women.
(less)

like · see review

Jan 31, 2013 Kristen rated it 3 of 5 stars

I thought this book was going to be about women all over the Middle East and their different stories. Where this was present it was also A LOT about the author herself. I did not want to read a memoir but different stories. I actually got tired of the author interrupting the other women's stories to talk about her own life and the radio show she does. When I want to read only about the author, I will get her biography.

Other than the aforementioned complaint, I found these women to be braver than...more

like · see review

Sep 15, 2012 Diane S. rated it 3 of 5 stars

My understanding of the political situation in Afghanistan is rudimentary at best , but after this book I feel I have a better grasp of what is going on that country. Kargar tells her own story and than as part of a radio show she tells the stories of various woman throughout the country. I actually liked the stories better when, instead of paraphrasing, she lets their own voices tell their own stories. I can't imagine living in a country that is constantly at war, I keep thinking of all the peo...more

like 1 like · see review

Aug 21, 2012 Denicemarcell added it

once again the introduction doesn't count in the page numbers, the brief bio of the writer/editor, the summary of the history of Afghanistan and the developement of the radio programme put the rest of the book in context. This edition has xix and 250 pages.
finished all the intro (xix)

The variety in the women is good for it shows the range of "Afghan" society. not sure if all the regions and tribes are represented still it shows there is not one type of Afghan. i can see these biographies inspiri...more

like · see review

Nov 20, 2012 Kelly rated it 4 of 5 stars

This is an eye opening book of true stories of women living in Afghanistan based on a BBC series. Major themes include disappointment in having a girl child (a mother is not complete until she has a boy), the forced marriage to men they don't see until their wedding day, the near impossibility of a girl choosing who she will marry, girls not being able to attend school after a certain age...this amid the constant wars and leadership changes, each with their own imposing rules. It makes you very...more

like · see review

May 01, 2013 Clare rated it 3 of 5 stars

The reports of the women's lives in this book are utterly depressing (there are a couple of vaguely brighter moments towards the end but that is only in comparison to what came before, my perception of "bright" or "hopeful" in the context of this book is not what I would ordinarily consider either bright or hopeful).
Echoing a previous review, the book appeared to me to be more like an English translation of the radio transcript from the Afghan Women's Hour show. I did find the book engaging non...more

like · see review

Jul 10, 2012 Joy rated it 3 of 5 stars

I received a free copy of this book through Goodreads FirstReads giveaways. This book is a mix of author memoir and stories from a wide range of Afghanistan. The author, an Afghan refugee who know lives in London and works for the BBC, parallel her lives with stories from Afghan's Women's Hour, a BBC radio show she worked on. She starts with the beginning of her story, and then each chapter focuses on another woman's story (often with other smaller vignettes as well), and expands on her own.

This...more

like · see review

Jul 03, 2012 Peggy Kelsey rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: afghanistan

One thing I loved about this book is that some of these interviews were done by women Zari trained to do interviews. What this means is that the lives and stories of the women in the book are ones not usually covered by the Western press. Some of these stories are hard to read, but there are many similar stories that have yet to be told. Zari's own story woven throughout added great insights into the lives of Afghan expatriates who may live among us in the West. Highly recommended.

like · see review

Nov 04, 2012 Carol rated it 4 of 5 stars

An amazing book of women of Afghanistan. Portrayals of women who are locked in a world where they are neither valued nor respected. Thes women were reated as property and with suspicion, and having almost no freedome of movement. The book raised several questions for me, including: how typical are these portrayals? why are women so unfeeling towards other women? and what lasting impact has the Afghan Women's Hour had on the lives of women in the country.

like · see review

Mar 28, 2013 Yusreen rated it 4 of 5 stars

Dear Zari tells you different problems and obstacles that Afghan women can face in their lives, and how they stay strong to continue their lives. For example,how society shun them because they're a widow. The stories are really heartbreaking and occasionally tears would flow down my face.
It is definitely a good book to read, as it shows you a different side of the world. It shows us that life is not always rainbows and butterflies, life can be ugly.

like · see review

Feb 10, 2013 Natalie Vedder rated it 4 of 5 stars

It's informative. Knowing the truth of the state of women in Afghanistan is not new information, but the specifics are troubling. It's a little choppy since English is not the author's first language, but not difficult to read. It reminds me how difficult it is to get past our familial assumptions even when reason says otherwise.

like · see review

Jul 10, 2012 Rock Angel added it

Shelves: writer-reporter, genre-memoir-bio, loc-e-england, loc-m-afghanistan, 1990-s, subj-protag-preteen, subj-protag-teen, genre-short-stories

i want to write a profile on the author, as her bkgd has everything to do with how she sees / interprets these stories for us. I also want to commend her for the decision to write these stories in her own words, rather than to use a professional writer. It is important that we get to know her, as we (ppl like me) have few other source to authenticate this knowledge.

For a multilingual twenty-something, her language skills is not bad (she speaks 3, knows 5 in total). I'm not 100% with the other co...more

like · see review

Oct 14, 2012 Robin rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: for-grown-ups, non-fic, politics, timely

Conversationally written and very moving. A window into real life on the other side of the world. And, as women's rights are being challenged here in our country right now, an important reminder that any culture can reverse its progress -- with devastating results for real human beings.

like · see review

Sep 10, 2012 Wes rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012

I may have really liked this book but some of the stories were horrifying. I had to read it in short sessions, a story at a time. I am glad the author exposed the reality of tradition gone mad.

like · see review

Mar 05, 2013 Becky Burton rated it 3 of 5 stars

Interesting read that gives a really honest look into the lives of these women. Heavy, and difficult to read at times. I could only read a few chapters at a time. Enjoyed the variety and the way the strengths and commonality of women was displayed amidst the bleakness of the situation.

like · see review

Jul 24, 2012 Emily rated it 2 of 5 stars

Heartbreaking! Do not read unless you are ready to read about the abuses suffered by Afghan women.

like · see review

Jun 16, 2011 Marie Craig rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This collection of stories of the lives of women in Afghanistan deserves to be read by a wider audience. Despite the traumatic lives that these women have lived, their stories carry a message of strength and courage and we could all learn a lot from them.
Beautifully written, Dear Zari will touch the hearts of many.

like · see review

Sep 30, 2012 Phyllis rated it 4 of 5 stars

Personal stories told by women to the author who adds background of customs revealed.

like · see review

Oct 19, 2012 Elizabeth Ferry rated it 3 of 5 stars

I learned a lot about a culture I know virtually nothing about. Pretty hard read re: how bleak the lives are for most Afghan women - according to this book. Amazing to read about the indignities and violence against women that are so ingrained in the society and culture.

like · see review

Oct 05, 2012 Cindy rated it 4 of 5 stars

The writing is not particularly spectacular but the stories are compelling (and infuriating). Had to keep reminding myself that this is happening now- not in the 17th century.

like · see review

« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 … 18 19 next »

new topic
Discuss This Book

topics	posts	views	last activity
Did Afghan women come across Greg Mortenson's schools for girls?	1	6	Jul 21, 2012 12:38am

combine
Other Editions (5)

More editions...

Genres

Non Fiction

12 users

Cultural > Asia

2 users

Biography Memoir

2 users

Cultural

2 users

See top shelves...

Readers also enjoyed similar books

Books by Zarghuna Kargar

Dear Zari: Hidden Stories from Women of Afghanistan

More…

Share This Book

Facebook Twitter Your website

Trivia About Dear Zari: The Se...

No trivia or quizzes yet. Add some now »

title link	preview: Dear Zari: The Secret Lives of the Women of Afghanistan
avg rating	preview: Dear Zari: The Secret Lives of the Women of Afghanistan Goodreads rating: 3.91 (180 ratings)
small image	preview: click here [close]
med image	preview: click here [close]
BBCode	[url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/14296736-dear-zari?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book][img]http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1338285866l/14296736.jpg[/img][/url] [url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/14296736-dear-zari?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book]Dear Zari: The Secret Lives of the Women of Afghanistan by Zarghuna Kargar[/url]

Dear Zari: The Secret Lives of the Women of Afghanistan

Friend Reviews

Lists with This Book

Community Reviews

new topicDiscuss This Book

combineOther Editions (5)

Genres

Readers also enjoyed similar books

Books by Zarghuna Kargar

Share This Book

Share This Book on Your Website

Trivia About Dear Zari: The Se...

new topic
Discuss This Book

combine
Other Editions (5)