The Baby Matrix: Why Freeing Our Minds From Outmoded Thinking About Parenthood & Reproduction Will Create a Better World

Rate this book

Clear rating

1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars

The Baby Matrix: Why Freeing Our Minds From Outmoded Thinking About Parenthood & Reproduction Will Create a Better World

by Laura Carroll (Goodreads Author)

4.21 of 5 stars 4.21 · rating details · 34 ratings · 21 reviews

Why does our society hold the belief that we are all destined to have children? Why do we believe that parenthood is the ultimate road to fulfillment in life? In The Baby Matrix: Why Freeing Our Minds From Outmoded Thinking About Parenthood & Reproduction Will Create a Better World, author Laura Carroll answers these questions and more through an exploration of and cri...more Why does our society hold the belief that we are all destined to have children? Why do we believe that parenthood is the ultimate road to fulfillment in life? In The Baby Matrix: Why Freeing Our Minds From Outmoded Thinking About Parenthood & Reproduction Will Create a Better World, author Laura Carroll answers these questions and more through an exploration of and critical look at the pervasiveness of “pronatalism” – the belief that having children should be the central focus of every adult’s life.

Carroll examines the historical origins of pronatalism, the reasons why it has such a deep hold on societies even though most people remain unaware of it, and whether it makes sense –for individuals or for the world as a whole. She shows the ways in which pronatalism is perpetuated, scrutinizes seven major pronatalist assumptions that lead people to accept them without question, and offers alternative assumptions that reflect realities, true reproductive freedom and responsibility in today's society. Whether you are already a parent, want to be a parent, or don’t want children, you will never think about parenthood in the same way.

Investigating what few have had the courage to discuss, The Baby Matrix examines the negative effects of pronatalist beliefs, including how they dictate the “normal path” to adulthood, put unwarranted pressure on people to have biological children, and fail to foster a society in which those who are best suited to become parents are the ones who have children.

Carroll also brings to light the impact that pronatalism has had on the world at large and will continue to have if its ubiquitous influence is not challenged. Citing compelling statistics, she shows how our belief that we can have as many children as we want is a serious threat in a world with finite resources. In the process, she brings into focus how every life brought into the world directly affects our survival.

This manifesto makes the case for why it’s time for all of us to understand why we can no longer afford to leave pronatalist assumptions unquestioned. Without compromise, The Baby Matrix is a reality check for us all. Are we willing to hold on to beliefs that aren’t necessarily true … even to our detriment? This book will make you examine your own intentions and beliefs, will rile you, and might just change your mind.

The Baby Matrix is a must-read for anyone interested in psychology, sociology, anthropology, parenting issues, environmentalism, and social justice. But most of all, it’s for anyone, parent or not, who reveres the truth and wants the best for themselves, their families, and our world.(less)

Kindle Edition, 175 pages

Published May 9th 2012

more details... edit details

Get a copy:

Friend Reviews

To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

Lists with This Book

I Can Barely Take Care of Myself by Jen Kirkman

Childfree and Loving It! by Nicki Defago

No Children, No Guilt by Sylvia D. Lucas

Childfree Books

14th out of 21 books — 11 voters

More lists with this book...

Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 211)

filter | sort: default (?) | rating details

Aug 18, 2012 Deb rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: nonfiction

The Baby Matrix, by Dr Laura Carroll, is about pronatalism, or “the idea that parenthood and raising children should be the central focus of every person’s adult life.”

As someone who’s chosen not to have children, I can tell you that decision wasn’t easy. And it’s been made a lot harder by the million movies and TV shows that tell me parenting is the only way to live a fulfilling life. Not to mention the friends and family who question whether I’m selfish and whether I’ll turn into some bitter,...more The Baby Matrix, by Dr Laura Carroll, is about pronatalism, or “the idea that parenthood and raising children should be the central focus of every person’s adult life.”

As someone who’s chosen not to have children, I can tell you that decision wasn’t easy. And it’s been made a lot harder by the million movies and TV shows that tell me parenting is the only way to live a fulfilling life. Not to mention the friends and family who question whether I’m selfish and whether I’ll turn into some bitter, lonely woman down the road.

So I really appreciated the pespective presented in this book. Carroll begins by giving an overview of the key principles of pronatalism, and then explains why they are wrong and even harmful. For example:
• We have a biological instinct to have children.
• There’s something wrong with you if you don’t want children.
• The ultimate path to fulfillment in life is parenthood.
• We need children to be there for us when we get old.

Carroll raises some very simple questions and some very complex issues. Why do we think everyone should have children? Why are we so willing to limit access to birth control or family planning, when we’re not even willing to have honest conversations about how many children are too many?

“The problem with pronatalism is that it leads everyone to believe they should have children – even people who shouldn’t have children. And pronatalism leads people to believe they have the right to have as many children as they want. This creates problems that extend beyond families and children who may be suffering from the effects of poor parenting. At a time when we humans are consuming resources over 50 percent faster than the planet is producing them, every choice to bear a child has implications for the larger community. That’s why this conversation about pronatalism is one that involves all of us, parents or not.”

It isn’t just that our pro-childbearing culture makes my life difficult – there are bigger implications. When you think about the number of children who are raised by people who probably shouldn’t be parents, and the impact that has for all of us, it’s a pretty serious issue. Carroll isn’t saying we should pick and choose who gets to have children (although she’s at least willing to discuss the issue). But she does ask why NOT having children can’t at least be presented as a valid choice. Why can’t we start asking people “if” they want children rather than “when” they’re going to start having them? Why can’t we start valuing population control at least as much as we value reproduction?

And why can’t we at least acknowledge that people who aren’t having children might be doing something positive for the world? I’m not going to pretend overpopulation is why I don’t have children. But I do feel good about not adding to the numbers, and I also feel good that my husband and I can share one small car. I’m no saint -- but it would be nice if our culture didn’t make me feel like a freak of nature.

Carroll proposes that we change the assumption that everyone should have children, and that your life is meaningless if you don’t have them.

There are a handful of books out there written for those of us who don’t want children. This is the really rare book about not having children that is written for everyone else. Now I just wish everyone else would actually read it.
(less)

7 likes · like · see review

Aug 07, 2012 Allizabeth Collins rated it 4 of 5 stars

Review:

I come from a rather large family - some of my recent ancestors having as many as eighteen children, but just because I grew up with two siblings, tons of cousins, and a plethora of branches on my family tree does not mean that I am obligated to "go forth and multiply". Do not get me wrong, I love children, however, I do not currently desire to reproduce due to my career, and the fact that there are plenty of adoptable children who need homes and families. That said, I was very intereste...more Review:

I come from a rather large family - some of my recent ancestors having as many as eighteen children, but just because I grew up with two siblings, tons of cousins, and a plethora of branches on my family tree does not mean that I am obligated to "go forth and multiply". Do not get me wrong, I love children, however, I do not currently desire to reproduce due to my career, and the fact that there are plenty of adoptable children who need homes and families. That said, I was very interested when I got the chance to read The Baby Matrix by Laura Carroll because she has similar viewpoints on the subject. The Earth may seem like an infinite resource at the constant disposal of the human race, but as the atmosphere weakens, the water, air, and ground become polluted, and precious fossil fuels are depleted, the planet becomes more unsustainable. Add in the world's current population of 7 billion, (9+ billion by 2050), and the macrocosm brings us even closer to resource depletion. This is why the idea of pronatalism is such a dangerous one, because children are brought up to glorify parenthood, and therefore, some decide to procreate selfishly. This does not mean that pronatalism is entirely bad, but if people continue to have children to the "nth degree", (4, 5, 6, 7...), then the economy, and eventually the world as a whole, will suffer because of it. Because of the pronatalism view, people like to assume that having a baby makes them a good parent, a happier person, and will lead to an old age where they are surrounded by doting, appreciative, and loving children; but that is certainly not true in all cases. I enjoy how The Baby Matrix questions these humanity-old practices and beliefs, allowing readers to get a real sense of reproductive responsibilities versus wants. Laura Carroll has written a very well-researched and compelling book that makes readers reflect on what they have been brought up to believe - no matter whether they are single, married, or with/without children. I also liked her ideas on adopted vs. biological children, the 7 Post-Pronatal Assumptions, and parenting "licenses". Appropriate cover art and nice formatting overall, I will be reading Laura Carroll's Families of Two in the future. This book is definitely an eye-opener, and I will be passing the word along to friends and colleagues. Highly recommended to readers 15 and up; this would be a great book for teenagers and prospective parents.

Rating: On the Run (4.5/5)

*** I received this book from the author (Pump Up Your Book) in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.(less)

2 likes · like · see review

Feb 10, 2013 Claire rated it 5 of 5 stars

It is very bizarre to take the blinders off and look around and see just how right Laura Carroll is in her book “The Baby Matrix: Why…..” Motherhood, and the desire to have children is such an ingrained notion in our culture, (pronatalism) it is celebrated and worshiped, we just take it for granted. But there are many women (myself included) who haven’t taken the baby route yet, and I’m surrounded by people wondering “what is wrong with me”. Because in our society a woman isn’t really complete u...more

1 like · like · see review

Jan 29, 2013 Sue rated it 4 of 5 stars

Carroll, who previously published Families of Two, about couples living happily childfree, has put together an absolute encyclopedia about why the “pronatalist” viewpoint that tells us that everyone should have children is no longer valid. Although I disagree with some of her points, I have to admire this well-written and deeply researched book that I will keep handy as a reference from now on. Carroll challenges common assumptions such the idea that people need children to be fulfilled, mature,...more

1 like · like · see review

Jul 14, 2012 Amelia rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: kindle

I'm only about halfway through with this right now. As someone who is pretty vocal about the fact that I don't want to have kids, I was pretty excited about this when I saw it. And the author does make a lot of good points, many of which I agree with or have made myself.

But I'm still having a couple of issues with it:

1) In an early chapter, she talks about how social welfare programs (and other social programs, for that matter) really only benefit those who are married and / or have kids. This i...more I'm only about halfway through with this right now. As someone who is pretty vocal about the fact that I don't want to have kids, I was pretty excited about this when I saw it. And the author does make a lot of good points, many of which I agree with or have made myself.

But I'm still having a couple of issues with it:

1) In an early chapter, she talks about how social welfare programs (and other social programs, for that matter) really only benefit those who are married and / or have kids. This is absolutely true-- society rewards you if you do what they want you to do: marry & procreate, with tax incentives, etc. But it also sounded like she believed some of the myths about the "welfare queen," too, and that really bothers me. I used to babysit for a low-income family headed by a single mother. There are a lot of flaws with the system. It's not doing a good enough job of taking care of the people who are already on this planet, which is why it shouldn't be used as an incentive for people to have more children. While she does mention the population issue, she doesn't quite manage to connect it to the issues that make overpopulation a problem. The welfare example would have been a good place to do this.

2) The book is poorly edited, which is causing the author to lose some credibility with me. At first I chalked a lot of it up to the fact that it's a Kindle edition-- sometimes the formatting gets weird with those. But then she referred to Betty Friedan's book _The Feminine Mystique_ as _The Feminist Mystique_. Seriously, what kind of editor can't catch that?

3) Right now I'm at the part where she's talking about how we need to set up a licensing program for potential parents, just as we have a licensing program for drivers of cars. Admittedly, this is something I've thought about, too-- she makes good points about how, if we have to apply for the jobs that we do, and we as a society value parenting so much, we should have some kind of screening process in place. But she's going into all this detail about exactly what kind of program she would implement if she could, and the pro-choicer in me is cringing. If I want to keep the government the hell away from that aspect of my life, then I also take issue with a lot of the things she's proposing: forced birth control, tax punishments for people who go ahead and have kids anyway, etc. I was reminded of forced sterilizations that occurred in the U.S. right up through the 1970s (see _Killing the Black Body: Race, Reproduction, and the Meaning of Liberty_ by Dorothy Roberts). While something obviously needs to be done about the overpopulation issue, and I wholeheartedly agree with encouraging people to make informed decisions about their reproductive lives, this should not come at the expense of people's bodily autonomy.(less)

like · see review

Laura Carroll Hi, Laura the author here...few thoughts in response and to possibly launch a bit of discussion for those who have read the book.

First, just to clari...more Hi, Laura the author here...few thoughts in response and to possibly launch a bit of discussion for those who have read the book.

First, just to clarify, I don't believe in the welfare queen myths. When it comes to the pronatalist assumption that anyone should be able to have as many children as they want (what I call the Offspring Assumption)I do go into the impacts of an ever growing population, offer a mindset that gets people to think beyond themselves when it comes to parenthood decisions, and discuss why there needs to be some rethinking about policy incentives to reduce, not promote births.

In another chapter I address the prices society pays for treating parenthood as a "right" and offer an alternative mindset that would promote better parenthood education and policies. I do not propose a licensing program, but national structured parenthood education for Everyone before they have children, and strong incentives for them to get this education.

I only broach the idea of "forced" birth control when it comes to people who have been proven to be very unfit parents and have harmed children, e.g., physical, emotion or sexual abuse, abandonment, or homicide. Like I say in the book, our legal and prison systems take rights away from people when they harm others - the same should happen for unfit parents, and not be to sterilize them outright, but require long term methods of birth control (like the new RISUG for guys which is completely reversible).

This is a manifesto, and I want it to spur discussion of problems with pronatalism, and mindset change as a first step to social change on the pronatalist issue. I'm all for discussion here...
Amelia, check back in when you've finished~

I also hope that the book will lead to pieces that go into deeper analyses, such as policy redesign, which indeed could be its own book. Takers?

Thanks for the catch on Friedan's book. Uploaded the change in all versions. I lost an excellent proofer I had had in the past and hired new with this project. All I will say is when you find an excellent proofer, do everything to keep him/her! ~L(less)
updated Jul 19, 2012 12:18pm

Jul 18, 2012 Debi rated it 4 of 5 stars

Pronatalism says that parenthood is the ultimate fulfillment in life. Why then do so many people find fulfillment outside of parenthood? If parenthood and reproduction were a natural human instinct, why do some not have the desire for children?

"When we realize we can't just chalk up that longing to instinct, we can better analyze the origins of our feelings...What is at the essence of this feeling or longing? Is my longing truly to raise a child, or is it another yearning I think the child will...more

3 likes · like · see review

Feb 19, 2013 April rated it 4 of 5 stars

At first I wasn’t sure if I would like this book. I mean, who doesn’t love babies, right? Well, I appreciated the matter-of-fact and near scientific approach that the author laid out, and with clear research to back it up, that just looked at a prevailing attitude in our culture/world, and was just simply questioning if that was the only way to go. Of course some people will be offended, and I could see this being controversial (as things are when you challenge the status quo). But that’s exactl...more

1 like · like · see review

Feb 16, 2013 Jhonni Parker rated it 5 of 5 stars

There is a serious overpopulation problem in this world, but even in our own country we face challenges that are pushing our country to the brink. There are many ideas that drive the push to re-populate, and while it may be a great choice for some, it is interesting to look at it from a more rational point of view and see if perhaps this attitude is doing more harm than good. This book was clear and coherent and presented in a factual way that would be a great discussion source for a college cla...more

like · see review

Feb 06, 2013 Karen *ReaderGirl* rated it 5 of 5 stars

I think “The Baby Matrix…” was a really interesting book that helped me open my eyes. I have two children, 5 and 7, and I knew from the time I had my first doll that I couldn’t wait to be a mother. It was a strong driving force in me my whole life and I barely made it out of high school before having my first. But my sister who is older than me by 4 years does not have children and doesn’t seem to want any (although she’s great with mine). I admit that I’ve secretly wondered what was wrong with...more

like · see review

Feb 14, 2013 Jenna rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book was a breath of fresh air. I’ve noticed that it seems like we are living in an increasingly baby/mother-centric society as if the human race is going to extinguish at any moment if we aren’t constantly reproducing or being able to mother a child. It seems like every TV drama I was watching last year centered over the fact that despite a woman who was successful with great career (doctors, etc…) in relationships with great circle of friends, it was like OMG MY LIFE IS SO AWFUL UNLESS I...more

like · see review

Feb 11, 2013 BellaReadz rated it 5 of 5 stars

Oh, wow…this book was great! I wish I would have read it years ago! I’ll keep this review brief but I feel like I could agree with everything written here for pages and pages! Yet it’s interesting how in this society it’s almost taboo to talk about or you are perceived as having something wrong with you if as a woman you don’t pursue motherhood. I’d like to personally thank Laura Carroll for writing this and putting this perspective out there. Hopefully others will read and we can accept the fac...more

like · see review

Feb 22, 2013 Samantha rated it 4 of 5 stars

Laura Carroll sets up a clear thesis right away, and questions what we perceive as “normal”. The narrative is clear and engaging, and easy to follow along. The examples she provides, along with the academic interpretations of social norms, was both enlightening and at the same time, comforting. It’s nice to read something that I’ve secretly wondered and thought about, but was never able to find anywhere in a form such as this book. Her ideas and arguments are neatly laid out, and clearly show th...more

like · see review

Dec 19, 2012 Marie rated it 4 of 5 stars

The Baby Matrix book was a quick read, and one I would highly recommend for parents (new and experienced), people considering whether they want to reproduce, and the childfree. This book isn't about attacking parents! The focus is instead on the assumptions associated with our pro-natal society, why we have them, and why they are (or can be) harmful. The book is well-edited and includes citations to many studies and other books, which I appreciate.

Honestly, this book is one I will be recommendin...more

like · see review

Feb 22, 2013 Steph Coleman rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book was fascinating and eye-opening. There are some things in life everyone seems to take for granted, and the near-universal desire to have children seems to be one of them. To me, the most interesting part about reading the “The Baby Matrix” by Laura Carroll was how she exposes the many ways that society is bent on reproduction (pronatalism), and analyzes with in-depth research where these influences come from, and if they are truly for the best of society and the future. For anyone who...more

like · see review

Feb 05, 2013 Stacy rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is outside my normal reading, I admit, but I thought it sounded interesting and I gave it a shot. The book was laid out well and was very easy to grasp the ideas and concepts… a reason I shy away from nonfictions such as these is the tendency of the authors to write esoterically. But not here. Laura Carroll writes to the everywoman/man, in terms and ideas that are not only easy to understand, but make a startling amount of sense. I do believe my eyes have been “opened” after reading this an...more

like · see review

Jul 18, 2012 Dutch marked it as to-read

Shelves: women, reference

I have just added this to my Kindle and will look forward to reading it! Sounds like a must read for anyone who is living a child-free lifestyle or people sitting on the fence about it. I have struggled for a long time how to explain my choice without seeming bitter toward others for having children, or without people assuming that I may say one thing and deep down really want children. I just learned that a nearly life-long child-free friend is now pregnant by choice, and have no idea why she c...more

1 like · like · see review

Feb 13, 2013 Brenda rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: nonfiction

I thought this was a fascinating book and I’m so happy I had a chance to read it. As a woman in her mid-30’s who is still on the fence about motherhood, it was nice to hear analytical reasoning on the pros and cons, and not make it seem like motherhood should be an automatic, assumed path in life for all woman. This book isn’t “anti-baby” by any means, more like helping to open eyes and make informed decisions which is a handy tool in any major life choice. Highly recommend

like · see review

Jun 16, 2012 Katherine rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: childfree

Laura Carroll did a great job defining pronatalism and why it is so engrained within our society. Her book reshapes the myths and offers a new way of looking at parenthood and reproduction.

This book is not passive in its intent but active. Carroll sets forth a plan of action to get people thinking differently about not when they should have children but if. I recommend this book for high school students as well as for the childfree and parents alike. This book will challenge some beliefs about...more

like · see review

Jan 13, 2013 Cate rated it 5 of 5 stars

Eye-opening for both those who do and do not wish to have children.

For those who do, some kind suggestions in considering the bigger picture, the entire planet, as opposed to the ever-American smaller picture, "I want".

For those who choose to be childfree, some helpful suggestions on how to deal with society and familial pressures to reproduce.

In all, enlightening and full of support for both sides of the baby-having life choice.

like · see review

Jan 26, 2013 Heide Island rated it 2 of 5 stars

I didn't learn anything new from this book; but then again, this is an area I study, for others it might be worth the purchase. It is well written.

like · see review

Jan 19, 2013 Steph rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: on-my-nook

everyone needs to read this whether they want children or not. It really made me think and gave me more evidence to support my not wanting children if anyone questions my soon to be husband and I about it.

1 like · like · see review

May 19, 2013 Erica Mossholder rated it 4 of 5 stars

May 19, 2013 Kristin added it

Shelves: to-buy-when-current

May 18, 2013 Joe marked it as to-read

May 15, 2013 Kristin Eberhard marked it as to-read

May 15, 2013 Rachel marked it as to-read

May 11, 2013 Josie Lathrop marked it as to-read

May 09, 2013 Shanmun is currently reading it

May 06, 2013 Maarit marked it as to-read

May 04, 2013 Paula marked it as to-read

« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 next »

new topic
Discuss This Book

topics	posts	views	last activity
Pump Up Your Book: Win Free Kindle Fire at Laura Carroll's The Baby Matrix Virtual Book Publicity Tour	1	10	Jul 01, 2012 11:47am

combine
Other Editions (1)

Genres

Non Fiction

3 users

See top shelves...

Books by Laura Carroll

Families of Two: Interviews with Happily Married Couples Without Children by Choice

Finding Fulfillment from the Inside Out: How to Unravel the Real You and Discover Your Purpose in Life

More…

Share This Book

Facebook Twitter Your website

Trivia About The Baby Matrix: ...

No trivia or quizzes yet. Add some now »

title link	preview: The Baby Matrix: Why Freeing Our Minds From Outmoded Thinking About Parenthood & Reproduction Will Create a Better World
avg rating	preview: The Baby Matrix: Why Freeing Our Minds From Outmoded Thinking About Parenthood & Reproduction Will C Goodreads rating: 4.21 (34 ratings)
small image	preview: click here [close]
med image	preview: click here [close]
BBCode	[url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13641241-the-baby-matrix?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book][img]http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1336607054l/13641241.jpg[/img][/url] [url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13641241-the-baby-matrix?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book]The Baby Matrix: Why Freeing Our Minds From Outmoded Thinking About Parenthood & Reproduction Will Create a Better World by Laura Carroll[/url]

The Baby Matrix: Why Freeing Our Minds From Outmoded Thinking About Parenthood & Reproduction Will Create a Better World

Friend Reviews

Lists with This Book

Community Reviews

new topicDiscuss This Book

combineOther Editions (1)

Genres

Books by Laura Carroll

Share This Book

Share This Book on Your Website

Trivia About The Baby Matrix: ...

new topic
Discuss This Book

combine
Other Editions (1)