Lesbian Crushes and Bulimia: A Diary on How I Acquired My Eating Disorder
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Lesbian Crushes and Bulimia: A Diary on How I Acquired My Eating Disorder

3.24 of 5 stars 3.24  ·  rating details  ·  41 ratings  ·  24 reviews
In 1989 nineteen-year-old Natasha is obsessively in love with her former teacher, Miss Williams. The tattoo she flashes around says so. Natasha meets Alex, a girl her own age, who questions her about the tattoo. An awkward romance is born.

In this real-life teenage diary Natasha records her panic at a looming LESBIAN relationship. To lose some excess fat, she starves hersel...more
Kindle Edition
Published March 22nd 2012
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Best Eating Disorder Books
71st out of 238 books — 576 voters
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LGBT Young Adult (YA) Literature
35th out of 196 books — 155 voters

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Community Reviews

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Tim Pieraccini
"The phone rang three times today and each time it was not her."

A book for anyone who has been overwhelmed by the presence - and then the absence - of another person. And who hasn't?

These are diary entries, true events, and yet they have a novelistic precision and a dramatic sense that reveal Natasha Holme as a natural, instinctive writer. She has an eye for telling details, an exact feeling for how much to tell (I'm assuming these diaries are somewhat edited) and a matter-of-fact honesty that k...more

As the editor of the Anne Lister journals I was amazed when I found Natasha Holmes’ book. I learned that, like Anne Lister (1791-1840), Natasha has been an obsessive diarist from her early teenage years. But the startling fact is that, again like Anne Lister, Natasha wrote in a secret code of her own devising. This marked her out, to me, as a modern-day Anne Lister. Natasha’s account of her struggle to realise her lesbian sexuality and to deal with her eating disorder makes for an interesting,...more
I get it's a diary, and in some ways that really conveys really how obsessed she is in this book, but it makes it boring to read and there is no real story in the book, other than obsession. Even before she gets anorexia and bulimia, it's still so, so much obsession, about everything. I can see why it can be a strong story, particularly for people who identify with her, but for me it was kinda pointless to read. Only reason I finished was because I always finish books (unless they're really, rea...more
Debbie McGowan
This is an excellent read - poignant, honest, fascinating. I read it in one day. I've only read one other book by someone with an eating disorder, which wasn't written in the diary format used by Natasha, but there were striking similarities in that path from borderline rational weight management to the irrational preoccupations associated with anorexia and bulimia.

Four stars rather than five as it feels like part of the story, which I suppose it is, and it does make complete sense, but it needs...more
A Voracious Reader (a.k.a. Carol)
This book is the diary of a 19-yr-old struggling with her sexuality and body image.

As stated in my blog review guidelines I normally don’t read non-fiction, but Natasha Holme, through a Twitter glitch, tied to be my 1700th follower and I offered to review her book as a prize. Because, you know, I’m broke and don’t really have anything else to offer.

I had a hard time deciding on how to rate this book. On one side, the voyeur in me enjoyed reading her diary. On the other side, the teenager is obse...more
Natasha (Diarist) Holme
Sep 06, 2012 Natasha (Diarist) Holme rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  (Review from the author)  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: People with eating disorders, in recovery, struggling with coming out, people who want to understand
In 1989, aged nineteen, I was sporting a tattoo openly on my wrist, which starkly declared my unrequited love for my teacher, Miss Williams. It helped me survive the pain of being torn away from her at the end of my time at school. And it lead to my meeting a young woman my own age, Alex, onto whom I redirected much of my obsessiveness.

I remember the day when the verb 'to stalk' arrived in the UK from the US. I was watching the news and was alarmed to learn of the crime that I had been committin...more
Fleur Gaskin
I believe that everyone should read this book, or at the very least anyone who knows someone who has struggled with an eating disorder (which is everyone, whether they know it or not.)
Natasha's diary allows us entry into the mind of a young woman attempting to find herself. The fact that she is a lesbian makes growing up so much harder for her, the person that she is, is not a person that those around her can accept. People judge her for being too gay and for not being gay enough. Confused, una...more
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Alexandra Bogdanovic
Monday July 15, 2013
Dear Diary (Reader) --
Please don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way, because it is actually a compliment: Reading this was kind of like watching television footage of a plane crash, train wreck or natural disaster. I wanted to "look away" but I just couldn't do it.
However, I will also say just as emphatically that morbid curiosity is not what prompted me to keep reading. This is a fascinating look at a young woman's struggle to find love and acceptance and a painful...more
Jennifer (JC-S)
‘I feel out of control and it terrifies me.’

This book is a series of diary entries between 30 July 1989 and 13 June 1990, written by Natasha Holmes, a British woman, who was then aged 19. In her diary, which starts with her summer experiences working as part of a group in Germany, she writes of meeting Alex. Alex is the other British woman in the group, and Alex and Natasha are drawn together by their shared experience of having had intense crushes on former teachers. Over the summer, Alex and N...more
I thought the book would be a little bit more interesting, but I think it shows really well how quickly an eating disorder can develop and how time consuming it can be. In the end, this is just a diary of a really insecure and mentally ill girl.

I hoped I could relate a little bit more to the story, but she is very different from me. Still interesting to read about how things went for her. I'm interested to know how she's doing now.
Imagine you find someones diary... Are you the kind of person that would be unable to respect their privacy? Would you want to at least skim it for juicy details? Well I guess that's me. I had just intended to check out the first chapter or two, but before I knew it, I found that I could not stop snooping in on the author's life!

I also agree with another reviewer that pointed out how well this 'diary' was written. It contains fragments and snippets and is obviously very informal, but the author'...more
it's a very harsh book and i'd say you have to be in a healthy state of mind to read it. i like how honest and raw it is but i would like to know about her recovery. but maybe this style of writing is the most realistic - it's an actual diary, and not all stories have a happy ending. i admire the author's courage to publish it.
Simon Perkins
This is a diary in a disturbingly off-hand and scarily reasonable-sounding narrative. The subject matter and the subject get deeper and more embroiled in all-consuming objectives that lead the reader through a traumatic and shocking journey. A straight, married man may lack empathy with all the subject matter but this can not fail to draw even me in and give me an insight into the mind of obsessive behaviour. That said, and despite all the harrowing details, there is a lot of humour to be found...more
I have to admit the topic was way outside my usual comfort zone, which tends to be Agatha Christie mysteries a lot of the time.

However, after reading the first half of Natasha Holme's book I ended up getting up at 5am to read the rest. I just had to know how things turned out, and I was very glad to find the author's website and discover she'd made it through those tough years. (For a while there I was wondering whether the diary had been published posthumously.)

I found the book very moving, and...more
Excellent read! I love the way the author was able to bring me into her world by making me feel like I was sneaking into her diary while actually carrying me through her story. There is a true story line and a definitive end. This is a great book to recommend for anyone battling with an eating disorder or with their sexuality. I was able to relate to some of the author's experiences which brought me further into the book. It's not easy to bear your heart and sole but the author has done an amazi...more
Jud (Disney Diva)
What a fascinating insight into the life of a young girl at university, struggling with both her weight/eating and her sexuality. It really opened my eyes to a world that I really know nothing about, while I have felt unhappy about my weight sometimes and wish it was easier to lose those last few pounds I could never bring myself to use the extreme measures that Natasha relied on. It really helped to raise my awareness about eating disorders and how people who suffer from them might be feeling....more
Lade Tawak
received free copy courtesy of author

My Opinion

I've said before that I love memoirs. I haven't read any in
the LGBT category so this is new for me.
I enjoyed it. It is fascinating and compelling.
It is basically snippets and fragments and is very informal
but the author presents it in a way that works.
The diary flows easily and you're not lost in the details and everything is coherent and understandable

Read more reviews at We Blog About Books
How do you review someone's diary? It's really hard to do. I alternately want to shake the author, and hug her. I found it utterly fascinating and compelling. It's an interesting look at someone discovering their sexuality. I don't really know how to review it but I am glad that Natasha was willing to share her troubles and her life with us.
It was interesting to read someones mindset when they have any eating disorder but I did not feel the book came to a conclusio. I guess being in the mental health field I wanted to see how she got better was it just over after that for her she went back to eating normally? Did she get treatment?
J.S. Egan
As someone else said here, this is such a personal book that it is very difficult to comment on - it just feels 'wrong' somehow, in a way I can't really explain. On the other hand, it deserves to be rated, so I guess that is what this is - a rating, and nothing more!
I really didn't like it. The first half was just a list of sexual encounters and general self-loathing, and the second just a clinical list of e.d behaviour... I didn't see any logical link, and at some point it was just very boring.
This book is exactly what it sounds like from the title. It's kind of awful yet addictive, and I totally felt for the author's obsessive 20-year-old self (the diary is over 20 years old).
Pointless meandering... not well edited. To much mundane stuff. I know it's a diary... but it didn't have to be a whole diary. I cannot recommend this book to anyone.
Jennifer Jacobs
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Probably the most prolific diary writer in the history of the world, I have been obsessively recording my crushes on females since the age of fourteen. I currently clock up half a million words per year, but never let on to the woman I'm dating that I jot down everything she says and does.

I LOVED my all-girls public school. Apart from mercilessly hounding Miss Williams, with whom I fell in love at...more
More about Natasha Holme...
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