Sign in with Facebook
Loading...
66th out of 100 books
—
206 voters
Oddly Normal: One Family's Struggle to Help Their Teenage Son Come to Terms with His Sexuality
by
John R. Schwartz (Goodreads Author)
A heartfelt memoir by the father of a gay teen, and an eye-opening story for families who hope to bring up well-adjusted gay adults.
Three years ago, John Schwartz, a national correspondent at The New York Times, got the call that every parent hopes never to receive: his thirteen-year-old son, Joe, was in the hospital following a failed suicide attempt. After mustering the...more
Three years ago, John Schwartz, a national correspondent at The New York Times, got the call that every parent hopes never to receive: his thirteen-year-old son, Joe, was in the hospital following a failed suicide attempt. After mustering the...more
Hardcover, 290 pages
Published
November 8th 2012
by Gotham
Friend Reviews
To see what your friends thought of this book,
please sign up.
Community Reviews
(showing
1-30
of
1,605)
4.5 stars
I've been wanting to read this book since I first heard about it back in November. I couldn't really explain why, memoirs aren't something I typically read. But this interested me. I'll say that it was a little less than I hoped, but still quite good, though I do have some qualifications.
Having read some other reviews of the book now that I've finished it, I suspect that appreciating what is here depends to some degree on the reader's expectations going in. John Schwartz interweaves his...more
I've been wanting to read this book since I first heard about it back in November. I couldn't really explain why, memoirs aren't something I typically read. But this interested me. I'll say that it was a little less than I hoped, but still quite good, though I do have some qualifications.
Having read some other reviews of the book now that I've finished it, I suspect that appreciating what is here depends to some degree on the reader's expectations going in. John Schwartz interweaves his...more
I wish I could have read this book when my son was in the public school system. Many of the author's experiences rang true, especially the interest by school employees in diagnosing his child with labels from the DSM that reflect psychological trends rather than behavioral reality. It seems that the school system felt more comfortable declaring a child autistic than attempting to understand his sexual orientation.
Schwartz gives an excellent description of the ways in which the closet creates em...more
Schwartz gives an excellent description of the ways in which the closet creates em...more
Excellent read - it is authentic, and straight from the heart. You can really sense how much these parents love their son and how bewildered they are as how to help him cope with dealing with a society that refuses to understand and refuses to be flexible. The author does not present himself as an expert (the sections on his belief that most gay men/boys are effeminate show this well - those studies are REALLY out-of-date), but instead both he and his wife try to act like this child's buffer fro...more
In many ways, the story of John Schwartz and his son is not normal. This is not a story of parents who have a hard time accepting that their son is gay - they know it almost before he does, and they are incredible advocates for him as he figures it all out.
Joe is not just a kid discovering his sexuality, he's a kid with learning disabilities and other challenges in school that hamper his ability to feel safe and comfortable, made worse by labeling and poor teachers.
Schwartz does some extensive r...more
Joe is not just a kid discovering his sexuality, he's a kid with learning disabilities and other challenges in school that hamper his ability to feel safe and comfortable, made worse by labeling and poor teachers.
Schwartz does some extensive r...more
The story of two parents and their proto-gay, and then later out gay kid, as he grows up, attempts suicide, and then mostly gets better, the book is actually as much about the kid's other emotional problems and mild learning/behavioral issues as it is about him being gay. Or at least it seemed that way to me. This isn't a bad thing, and it certainly does demonstrate that no one person is "only gay" or "only black" or "just a woman," we're all lots of things at the same time (what scholars call "...more
I read several good reviews of this book, so I snatched it off the shelf when I saw it at the library. I groaned at the first few pages - the author seemed to employ all the stereotypes of gay children. But this improved as the book went on, and he and his wife really are sympathetic parents.
The book is a story of their young son not only dealing with his sexual orientation, but a number of other emotional and learning issues that may or may not have been caused or exacerbated by his sexual orie...more
The book is a story of their young son not only dealing with his sexual orientation, but a number of other emotional and learning issues that may or may not have been caused or exacerbated by his sexual orie...more
4 likes · like · see review
The peerless skill of a first-rate New York Times investigative reporter combined with the compassion, commitment, empathy and advocacy of two fine parents, has created a moving account of a family raising a gay child, and probably the most exhaustively researched history of gay parenting ever written. Although John Schwartz set out to write a memoir to help others, he achieved much more. Oddly Normal is as emotionally moving as a Hollywood tearjerker and as assiduously researched as a lead stor...more
Full disclosure - I only read the first 100 pages. Why did I stop?
Well, it's not because the subject matter isn't interesting. A gay teen trying to kill himself. And it's not because it's the story of one family's struggle to make it through a difficult time. I am all for family angst.
I stopped because while I applaud Schwartz for writing about something very difficult, he has made this book about his own struggle and justifications for the choices he made as a parent, and in the first 100 pages...more
Well, it's not because the subject matter isn't interesting. A gay teen trying to kill himself. And it's not because it's the story of one family's struggle to make it through a difficult time. I am all for family angst.
I stopped because while I applaud Schwartz for writing about something very difficult, he has made this book about his own struggle and justifications for the choices he made as a parent, and in the first 100 pages...more
A very emotional story that was well written. I was very moved by several sections of the book, on the point of choking back tears.
The positives are the love this father and mother have for their son and their ideas about letting him grow up to be who he is and proud of and happy with himself are fantastic. Several key issues were explored in ways I hadn't seen discussed before and with a depth and modernness that made this book very relevant and refreshing.
I was happy that not too much time wa...more
The positives are the love this father and mother have for their son and their ideas about letting him grow up to be who he is and proud of and happy with himself are fantastic. Several key issues were explored in ways I hadn't seen discussed before and with a depth and modernness that made this book very relevant and refreshing.
I was happy that not too much time wa...more
As a parent of two sometimes difficult boys, I am glad I read this book. I commend Mr. Schwartz for telling his family's story. We strive so hard to be the best parents we can be that it's refreshing when someone pulls back the covers and shows us what's really up - sharing challenges and triumphs.
The passages about the fourth grade teacher were harrowing. The lessons they learned on how to advocate more effectively for their son were particularly helpful.
As a 53 year old gay man, a lot of Joe'...more
The passages about the fourth grade teacher were harrowing. The lessons they learned on how to advocate more effectively for their son were particularly helpful.
As a 53 year old gay man, a lot of Joe'...more
I don’t have kids, but if I do, I hope I have the acceptance and perseverance that John Schwartz and his wife do. Oddly Normal is the memoir of the Schwartz family navigating the struggles of Joe as he discovers his sexuality. There is a little more than that. While Joe is a gifted and bright boy, he struggles in social situations and has some unique learning struggles. Compounded with less than understanding teachers and school administrators, Joe struggles to find his way. The Schwartz family...more
A very moving account of Joseph's story and a very interesting account of his parents' thoughts and feelings about what went on. As a person who grew up with depression and parents who didn't really notice or respond well, it was fascinating to see an account by a science reporter who sounds like a normal, likeable, smart guy of how he and his wife reacted and dealt with their child's suicide attempt. Also extremely readable.
It was rather alarming to hear about the lack of attention to bullying...more
It was rather alarming to hear about the lack of attention to bullying...more
I really enjoyed this book. I thought it was a good mixture of personal experience and research. The author is a journalist, and I could tell that having knowledge/information is how he likes to deal with problems. As I'm similarly wired, the approach worked for me. I learned a lot about current research as well as the author's family's experience.
As a teacher and a parent, I could see both sides of their issues with school. At first I was appalled at the behavior of one of their son's teachers...more
As a teacher and a parent, I could see both sides of their issues with school. At first I was appalled at the behavior of one of their son's teachers...more
[The guidance counselor] seemed surprised that we thought that being gay was the source of so much of Joe's distress: "Being gay is no big deal these days!" she said. Everybody watches Will & Grace and Ellen DeGeneres, right?
If I had a dollar for every time I've heard a straight person--male, female, people of color, white people--say something along these lines and I've felt like throttling them, I could pay a month of rent. Usually the only response I can muster, if I'm able to talk at all...more
If I had a dollar for every time I've heard a straight person--male, female, people of color, white people--say something along these lines and I've felt like throttling them, I could pay a month of rent. Usually the only response I can muster, if I'm able to talk at all...more
After hearing so many stories of bullying and suicides of LGBT youth over the last year or so, it was refreshing and enlightening to read the story of a young man who succeeds and flourishes after overcoming challenges with the incredible support of his parents. I would recommend it to any parent of a LGBT kid whether they are already out, in the process of coming out , or to any parent that suspects that their kid might be gay. As Joseph's story attests, LGBT kids are becoming aware that they a...more
For the past few years, I've been asked by the Band of Thebes blog to chime in with my pick for best gay-related book of the year. The new 2012 list is out (amazing recommendations every year, from 87 authors this year)
http://bandofthebes.typepad.com/bando...
And I recommended John Schwartz's "Oddly Normal." (Also Rachel Maddow's "Drift" and William Mann's "Hello, Gorgeous" ...)
Here's what I wrote:
>>I'm halfway through [I'm finished now --HS] and completely absorbed by NYT reporter John Sch...more
http://bandofthebes.typepad.com/bando...
And I recommended John Schwartz's "Oddly Normal." (Also Rachel Maddow's "Drift" and William Mann's "Hello, Gorgeous" ...)
Here's what I wrote:
>>I'm halfway through [I'm finished now --HS] and completely absorbed by NYT reporter John Sch...more
Sometimes as I read through reviews I find someone has written pretty much exactly what I would have. And then I think, how the hell do I write this without looking like I'm stealing their words? The answer, of course, is to steal the whole thing:
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...
1. The efforts of John and Jeanne Schwartz to be advocates for their youngest son and to figure out and fight with the maze of school bureaucracy to make that happen was the best part of the book. There are lesson...more
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...
1. The efforts of John and Jeanne Schwartz to be advocates for their youngest son and to figure out and fight with the maze of school bureaucracy to make that happen was the best part of the book. There are lesson...more
6 likes · like · see review
In short: I found this book to be simultaneously uplifting, helpful, and troubling.
More specifically: The pages that detail Ilan Meyer's testimony at the Proposition 8 trial regarding his ideas about 'minority stress' made this book well worth the time spent reading it. This is a concept that I've read about parenthetically in news articles, but I had not read a detailed explanation until this book came along. It's an idea that resonates with my own experience and has given me a number of things...more
More specifically: The pages that detail Ilan Meyer's testimony at the Proposition 8 trial regarding his ideas about 'minority stress' made this book well worth the time spent reading it. This is a concept that I've read about parenthetically in news articles, but I had not read a detailed explanation until this book came along. It's an idea that resonates with my own experience and has given me a number of things...more
3 likes · like · see review
I don't typically comment on books, but this was a hard one for me not to. On one hand, I thoroughly appreciated the perspective shared in this book about the experiences of this young boy and his family. That is what made me truly enjoy this book. Yet, as a teacher, I struggle with the implications throughout the book about the mean teachers and non-supportive schools. In my experience, and from what this family shared, I can't help but wonder if they put way too much emphasis on what the schoo...more
Oddly Normal: One Family's Struggle to Help Their Teenage Son Come to Terms with His Sexuality is the story of an amazing set of parents and their youngest son Joseph as he grows up and out. Joseph, struggles with a variety of learning disorders and conflicting diagnosis as he moved through school. At an early age he also exhibited signs and behaviours which lead his parents to suspect that he was also gay.
From the start his parents became advocates for their son at his schools and sought out ad...more
From the start his parents became advocates for their son at his schools and sought out ad...more
I felt this an important read for my work, and generally as a parent. John Schwartz is a NYT journalist, with a clear left leaning perspective (dude has lived in Takoma Park, enough said). However, his role as both an advocate for and as an attentive parent to his son during his coming out process (and beyond) eschews political and idealogical point of views. I was fascinated by how his son's difficulties in school were so deeply intertwined with his struggle with his sexuality. From an school c...more
I did really like this book, but I couldn't help but ask again and again -- did it ever occur to the parents to take this boy out of school altogether? I'm sorry, but this idea that we must somehow make kids fit into a system that so obviously doesn't accept or support them really chaps my hide. Of course, this is coming from a person who doesn't believe our current system is necessarily even good for kids who are "thriving" in it. I understand that I am in the minority here.
I do appreciate that...more
I do appreciate that...more
Sometimes I have difficulty deciding how to rate a book-in this case I decided to average my rating including the 5 stars I would give it if I was a parent faced with a similar situation, the 4 stars that I would give it as a teacher who was looking for how to help a wide diversity of students, and the 3 stars I would give it as a member of the general reading public looking for an interesting memoir. Being a member of the last group, I found John Schwartz's love for his son Joseph to be heart w...more
Nov 26, 2012
Jacob / Julie
marked it as to-read
Saw the book mentioned in this article that was shared by the local Keshet: http://www.tabletmag.com/jewish-life-...
I'm a bit disappointed by this paragraph in the article, though: "Jeanne and John had suspected Joe was gay since he was 3. He’d loved pink and rhinestones and Barbies and fabulousness; for Halloween he asked to be 'a disco yady.'” None of those things mean that he's gay. Wanting to have sex with people of the same sex is what makes you gay; those are all about gender expression, w...more
I'm a bit disappointed by this paragraph in the article, though: "Jeanne and John had suspected Joe was gay since he was 3. He’d loved pink and rhinestones and Barbies and fabulousness; for Halloween he asked to be 'a disco yady.'” None of those things mean that he's gay. Wanting to have sex with people of the same sex is what makes you gay; those are all about gender expression, w...more
1 like · like · see review
Early in this family memoir, the author talks about his problems with self-help books and he captured well my own thoughts. I use self-help books in my work, but I find personal stories told through memoirs so much more interesting. I keep a selection of memoirs in my office to loan to clients who I think might see a reflection of themselves in the pages of the book and am delighted when the client returns the book and says, "that's me." We need to be able to know that others share our experienc...more
This book is c impelling and amusing, honest and hopeful. It will resonate with parents who have a child who is "0ddly normal"- one of those kids who is not what we think of as typical. Recounting the challenges faced by a boy who was extremely bright, with some processing issues, sensitive and independent and gay, there's something many parents will recognize. For me, the way the schools failed to adapt to meet Joe's needs, not due to his sexual orientation but due to his brilliance and learnin...more
A strange boy's parents realize he's gay before the body knows it himself! This hilarious but moving account by the boy's father made me wish I had had a father like him during my adolescent years——in fact all gay kids should be lucky to have parents as supportive and understanding as the Schwartzes are, and as willing to negotiate hostile schools and other environments on behalf of their son, the youngest of three children, and a boy who has learning disabilities besides.
The narrative voyage i...more
The narrative voyage i...more
Although this book is a well-written and riveting read for a general audience (reminding us of the diversity found among children and the tenacious love of parents for their kids), it is especially appropriate for at least two groups of parents: those raising a young child who is showing signs that may signal incipient gayness, and those whose child--for any number of reasons--needs advocacy within the school system.
Written by a journalist, the book combines both memoir and research to good effe...more
Written by a journalist, the book combines both memoir and research to good effe...more
I finished this book over the course of two days and found it to be one of the best books I have read in sometime. A fantastic look at the intersection of child development, sexual awareness, and behavioral issues. From the point of view of two loving and very open-minded parents who still have to struggle with the development of their son.
I found this book very relatable to my own life, of course not every instance is applicable. But this has to have been one of the best books I've read recent...more
I found this book very relatable to my own life, of course not every instance is applicable. But this has to have been one of the best books I've read recent...more
A very well written non-fiction book told from a father's perspective about raising a gay son and helping him to navigate the challenges he faces. Adolescence is hard enough - add to it depression, undiagnosed learning disabilities, and being gay. The book addresses so many issues. John Schwartz is a well-respected writer for the New York Times. His writing style and research make Oddly Normal a fascinating read. I love that this book has gotten so many well-deserved good reviews in the Times -...more
There are no discussion topics on this book yet.
Be the first to start one »
Mar 16, 2013 10:36am
Mar 16, 2013 10:49am