Curses! A F***ed Up Fairytale
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Curses! A F***ed Up Fairytale (F***ed-Up Fairytale #1)

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3.3 of 5 stars 3.30  ·  rating details  ·  636 ratings  ·  152 reviews
Rumpelstiltskin—or RJ, as he prefers to be called—has been kicked out of the Villain’s Guild and cursed to do good deeds. Bored without his villainous routine, he agrees to help Anastasia Maledotto find out who murdered her stepsister, Cinderella, and rescue her sister, Drusilla, from a disastrous marriage to Prince Charming. Kazimer is squarely on the side of Cinderella’s...more
ebook, 321 pages
Published February 28th 2012 by Kensington Publishing Corporation
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(showing 1-30 of 2,446)
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Robert
Among other things, this book is aptly titled, because let’s face it (and get this out of the way right now): this isn’t your mother’s fairy tale. Is that a bad thing? Hell no. Sure, the antics are a bit outrageous at times, but one definition of good comedy is that it resides in the extremes, and there are plenty of extremes to be had. I could give you a play-by-play, but you should enjoy it for yourself the first time, without me spoiling most of the fun for you. And there is fun to be had if,...more
Dan
RJ first meets Asia when he plops into his favorite chair…and lands in her lap. Things go downhill for him from there, although they haven’t been going all that great lately anyway. The villain’s union has suspended him and placed a curse on him; a curse that not only prevents him from acting in a villainous manner, but causes him to agree to do anything nice that anyone asks of him. Anyway…back to Asia. She has mistaken RJ for a famous detective and asks him to find out who killed her stepsiste...more
Becky
Jun 18, 2012 Becky rated it 2 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: People who like lazy books
Soo...despite my prolonged absence from GR, I'm not dead. And to celebrate that fact, this is my first review in awhile. I wish it could have been a slightly more positive review, but one takes the cards one's been dealt, I guess.

I picked this book because I'm a big fan of authors Jasper Fforde and (at times) Christopher Moore. I include them in the same list because their books tend to have very irreverent attitudes, yet somehow manage to wallop you with actual plot and character developments a...more
Deanna Knippling
Disclaimer: I begged Julie for an advance copy, which she sent to me. It's pumpkin orange.

Okay, think of the books that you quote. Not books of literature, but the ones where you grab nearby passers-by and say, "Wait, wait, listen to this!" and then read something sly and witty and look at them expectantly. Now, because these people are most likely thinking about a) getting away from you or b) sex, they're usually not impressed. However, once in a rare while, you run into someone who CAN QUOTE T...more
Dark Faerie Tales
Review Courtesy of Dark Faerie Tales

Quick & Dirty: A raunchy mix of childhood fairy tales with very adult language and content.

Opening Sentence: A delivery kid stood in front of me in the pastel hallway of my four-story walk-up on the edge of the Easter Village.

The Review:

Finally, a book that lives up to its title. F***ed-up doesn’t even begin to adequately describe all of the high jinks in this book of fairy tale fallacies. It turns all the things we think we know about our beloved fairy ta...more
Melissa
The book was not NEARLY as entertaining as the description made it sound. I went into it expecting a humorous book that would make me laugh out loud with references and satire. Instead I had a couple of "ha, cute" moments and that was about it.

The story itself was an interesting take on the "twisted fairy-tale", emphasis on the "twisted". It is told from the viewpoint of RJ, a fairy-tale villain who has had his villain privileges revoked. RJ is cursed to only do "nice" things because the Villai...more
Chris Devlin
You can tell by the title this isn’t your average fairy tale. Curses tells the twisted tale of RJ, a disgraced villain forced into doing good when the villain’s union puts him on leave. He’s a bad boy who can’t say no, especially to Asia, the not-so-ugly stepsister to Cinderella.

Cinderella’s been whacked by a devious bluebird and the crosstown Fairy-Second Street bus. Asia wants to know whodunit, and RJ might want to help her even if he wasn’t cursed.

"The redhead’s lips curved into a frown, whi...more
Steph
How many times can an author write the word 'villian' before it becomes an annoying noise? How many times can a main character black out before we should start worrying about brain damage?

J.A. Kazimer tried so very hard to be witty and raunchy, but I found myself rolling my eyes any time RJ and Asia were alone. The sexy scenes read like cheap Janet Evanovich, and I actually like her Stephanie Plum series. Make no mistake, the story is pretty decent, but I give this only one star because parts of...more
Amy
This is not your typical fairy tale. Oh but it is hilarious. When RJ thought he ate Asia, I couldn't stop laughing. If you want a funny spin on a fairy tale, you'll enjoy this book.
Beth Dawkins
RJ comes home to find a not-so-ugly-stepsister sitting in his chair, munching on his food. She has mistaken RJ for someone else, and asks him to help her uncover who killed Cinderella. RJ has no choice but to help. He is a villain, but the union took his card, and he cannot do anything villainous, but he isn’t the only one with a curse. He goes with Asia, the not-so-ugly-princess to her father’s kingdom, and to find out who killed Cinderella.

As the title suggests this is a comedy told in the eye...more
Nancy Narma
“A Mystifying Jaunt Into an Enchanted World”

If you think you know all there is to know about the Fairy Tale and Nursery Rhyme characters you loved as a child—think again!! When Cinderella is run over and killed by a bus in New Never city while trying to rescue a bluebird straying into traffic, her Step-Sister; Asia, enlists the help of villain; “R. J.”, better known as “Rumple Stiltskin” to leave no stone unturned in finding “Cindi’s” murderer. Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be a problem, but R.J. i...more
Evangelia Daskalaki
I really loved this book! As has anyone I've recomended it to! A dark twist/parody of the classical fairytale. Dark humor and a villain forced to be a hero as the "hero".

No more spoilers though! Read it! I'm forewer greatfull to the bookshop owner who tipped me of to the existence of this f**ked up fairy tale!

I hope J.A. Kazimer will write more twisted humorous fairytales!
Cat
I saw this book on Goodreads and immediately knew it would be something I would enjoy. It starts out with Cinderella being killed and her step sister going to ask a famous detective to solve the case. What she does not know is that the famous detective has moved and now a not so nice guy lives in his old apartment. Good news is he has to play nice.

To me this is one of those mysteries that is filled with snarky humor, innuendo, and is just so funny you forget that there has been a murder. It com...more
Megan
When it comes to this book I really don’t know what to say. It started off a little rocky but I am happy that I hung with it. This book is funny taking and putting a twist on all of your childhood fairy tales in a way you didn’t think possible. The plot is a little bit of here there and everywhere as you try to figure out who is up to what and the book is a tad bit on the demented side. If you are looking for a good laugh, maybe a dumb laugh but a laugh regardless, this is your book. Who knew th...more
Nenia Campbell
"Princesses cannot resist bluebirds. It's a widely known fact" (20)


EXHIBIT A:


EXHIBIT B:


EXHIBIT C:


EXHIBIT D:


EXHIBIT E:


OMG YOU GUYS. IT'S A CONSPIRACY.

Which naturally makes the bluebird - the murder weapon of choice in this book - the perfect tool to 'off' Cinderella. The narrator, an unwilling P.I., named Rumplesti I mean, *cough* RJ, is forced to take on the case when Cindi's not-so-ugly step-sister requests his assistance . And since RJ got kicked out of the evil villains' union, he's kind of...more
Antonio Urias
This review and others are available on my blog.

Curses! A F**ked-Up Fairy Tale lives up to its title. J.A. Kazimer has concocted an occasionally hilarious pastiche of twisted fairy tales and hardboiled noir. Neither of these are particularly original, but the precise combination presents some novelty, and the author is clearly having a great deal of fun.

The narrator, RJ, is mistaken for a private eye in New Never City and hired to solve Cinderella's murder by her not-so-ugly stepsister, Asia. R...more
Sherry
Eh? 2.5 stars. Not nearly as amusing as I had hoped for. It takes a while to get into. Once you do, I guess it's an okay story. You can picture the crazy stuff going on, so I guess I have to give the author something for that. The very beginning is a little over-descriptive though. Overall, I would not read this book again. I don't think I would read another of this author's books that is of a similar nature. I'm not even sure if I would recommend this book to anyone else.
Katrina
The book was alright, definitely funny. It was a great twist to fairy-tale's that we all know and love. My only problem with the book is that it didn't captivate me like i would have expected. The characters were hard to get into and felt like there was a lot of rambling on and not really getting anywhere in the story.
Overall i enjoyed the book. I will never be able to read/watch Cinderella and other fairy-tale's in the same way again.
Millyha
I'm embarrassed by how long it took me to read this book. I think it actually might have more to do with the fact that it wasn't very good so there was little incentive to pick it up to read.

The characters were not likeable, the storyline was silly, the ending was formulaic. I can't think of a redeeming quality.
Dee King
Interesting take on a fairy tale. All the characters we knew as a kid grown up to be dirty minded adults. I was laughing within the first few lines. And up until the end wasn't truly sure I knew who did it.
Peter
Absolutely entertaining, incredibly clever twists on fairytales and nursery rhymes. Not for everyone, but those who appreciate campy, over the top humor and word play should like it. Pure mind candy.
Amy
Just read the first few pages with the Google Preview. I want this book!

update-finally read this book and ended up disappointed....got old real fast and the ending was messy and forced.
Dina
Hm.. This book is exactly like "Shrek". But if "Shrek" is fun, this one is creepy, with not very funny 12 year old boy’s humor. Not for me.
Jonathan Smith
Just...bad. Sophomoric, poorly characterized, and with indiscernible action. I can't think of a negative adjective that doesn't apply.
Clarissa
This book was very 'pun'ny. It had me laughing quite a lot.
Nairabell
RJ is no hero, in fact he is quite literally a card carrying villain. Until recently he was constantly plotting evil deeds and the downfall of young maidens but now a horrifying curse has shattered his dastardly life. Now, no matter what, RJ has to be nice. So when Cinderella is murdered and her not-so-ugly sister Asia calls on RJ for help he has little choice. Soon RJ finds himself in the kingdom of Maldetto trying to discover who (besides himself) would want a beloved princess dead.

This is one...more
Raquel Vega-Grieder
OMG, this book was PHENOMENAL. I have never laughed so much or so hard in my life. You have not read a fairytale until you have read it done by J.A. Kazimer. She takes fairytales to a whole new level. I am now a die hard fan of Ms. Kazimer. Any F**cked Up Fairytale she wants to tell I will so be there to read it.

RJ is the biggest, baddest villain there is, too bad he is cursed. See RJ is being punished by the Villians Union so now he is cursed to be nice until he can get re-instated to the union...more
Abigail
RJ is a villain who has been made villainously impotent by the union, and he's not happy about it. After being mistaken for a famous detective (he was squatting in their apartment after killing the former occupant and sticking them in the chimney after all, so honest mistake) RJ finds himself in the neighboring kingdom looking for a princess killer while trying to get into the pants of his princess employer. There are a several curses and a few death threats standing in his way to happily ever a...more
A Voracious Reader (a.k.a. Carol)
RJ is a fairy tale villain. Except the Union has cursed him for a screw up and now everything he does is not villainous at all. Oh, no. Everything he does, no matter how villainous he tries to be, turns out to be nice. It’s enough to make a bad villain cry.

RJ has been cursed for six days and it’s driving him crazy. He wants to get back to villainy, but the Union thinks he needs a little more time, maybe even a vacation. Then he comes home to find a pretty, sexy and ravenous woman in his favorit...more
Cedar
Jun 05, 2012 Cedar rated it 1 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: No one.... I took one for the team, so you don't have too...
Recommended to Cedar by: Goodreads (why... Why.. WHY!!!)
1.5 stars.

This book dragged. Also found the constant references to fairy tales and modern pop culture just a bit to much...

RJ is cursed. Due to some 'issues' he is given leave from his career of being a villain, and cursed to do only good. So when the lovely Asia enters in his world, he can only help. Asia is one of the ugly step-sisters to Cinderella. And Cinderella has been murdered, or so she thinks. She enlists RJ's help to solve the murder.... That is all basically written on the back page,...more
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J.A. Kazimer is a writer living in Denver, CO. Books include The Junkie Tales, The Body Dwellers, CURSES! A F***ed-Up Fairy Tale, Holy Socks & Dirtier Demons, Dope Sick: A Love Story, SHANK, Froggy Style and The Assassin's Heart. She is currently working on a fairytale mystery series for Kensington Books.

When Kazimer isn't looking for the perfect place to hide the bodies, she spends her time s...more
More about J.A. Kazimer...
F***ed Up Fairy Tale News Froggy Style (A F***ed-Up Fairy Tale #2) Sex with a Shooting Star The Junkie Tales The Assassin's Heart

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“As you can see," I gestured to each of my appendages, "I am just fine. No need to worry." I almost added "your pretty little head" but I wasn't in the mood to pick up my teeth from the shag carpet.” 4 likes
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