Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades, #1)

May 20, 2013 Katrina Passick Lumsden rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

What in the hell just happened? Did I really read that? Oh, my god, I did. I did read that.

Meet Anastasia Steele:

Ana is just a giant mess of a human being. She's insecure to the point of it being laughable, 'klutzy' (even though she only trips twice in the entire book), and a complete ditz. She's a virgin (of course) who's never taken any sexual interest in anyone before. Right. I'm fairly certain there hasn't been a woman this naive since 'round about 1954. At one point, she thinks putting h...more

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Feb 16, 2013 Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: for-the-lulz, mary-sues, gary-stus, no-me-gusta, kill-it-with-fire, wtf, everyone-warned-me, bad-romance, romance, realistic-fiction, i-threw-up-in-my-mouth-a-little, insta-love

WARNING: This review will probably involve me swearing profusely, and quoting/discussing sex scenes that children should not be reading.

UPDATE: And another quick note before you read this, since I seem to be getting a lot of similar comments. Let me spell this out for you: BDSM DOES NOT OFFEND ME. If a couple decides to engage in BDSM, that's totally fine. I don't care. It's none of my business, and everyone is entitled to their personal choices. However, I think couples need to come to a proper...more

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Oct 13, 2012 Wigs rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: book-clubs-and-buddy-reads, erotica

You know, I was beginning to wonder if I needed to change some of my two star books to one star. I was thinking that I might not ever personally read a book worthy of one star, and I was messing up my scale by giving some of the more lame books I've read lately two stars instead of one.

Thank you E.L. James, for proving to me there was something worth waiting for. Something that truly exemplifies the meaning of terrible.

Now hold up, all you would-be defenders. I read this whole thing. I did not s...more

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Apr 18, 2012 Kruti rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: No one

Shelves: they-really-do-publish-anything, hate-is-not-a-strong-enough-word, rewritten-fanfiction, adult, reviewed, why-the-hype, a-z-challenge-2012, trade-for-a-subway-sandwich

In the words of Miss Steele, "You need to sort your shit out, Grey!" Good day, sir!

description

Fifty Shades of Grey, more like Fifty shades of fucked up nonsense *rolls eyes* I should get a medal for just finishing this tripe.

I honestly do NOT feel like revisiting this book and writing a review. I’d rather spend the time searching for ways to remove this utter nonsense from my memory. However, this book is so bad that I feel the need to warn others from this drivel. Luckily, I did not buy this garbage. I d...more In the words of Miss Steele, "You need to sort your shit out, Grey!" Good day, sir!

description

Fifty Shades of Grey, more like Fifty shades of fucked up nonsense *rolls eyes* I should get a medal for just finishing this tripe.

I honestly do NOT feel like revisiting this book and writing a review. I’d rather spend the time searching for ways to remove this utter nonsense from my memory. However, this book is so bad that I feel the need to warn others from this drivel. Luckily, I did not buy this garbage. I do not even know what overcame me to read it and I can only blame a momentary lack of judgment on my part.

What baffles me is the scary fangirlgasm following this book. So what’s causing it a hit? I can only come up with ‘twilight’. Doing some research, this book was originally posted online as a twilight fanfic! Yes, a twilight fanfic. The fact that this book’s source material isn’t a good piece of literature just shows what you should expect from this book. And dubbing it a twilight fanfic and promoting it as such is no doubt raising the bar on the sale figures. What has the world come to? *headdesk* Whatever’s causing its success; I can safely say it can’t be the book itself.

Everything possibly imaginable is wrong with this book! The execution and the characters. And the writing. And the plot (wait, was there one?!?)

Firstly, it has been said a countless number of times how abusive Bella and Edward’s relationship was. And it is arguably the most anti-feminist portrayal of any relationship. FSoG simply continues this unhealthy view and promotes an even more abusive and degrading relationship towards women, targeting older women (and possibly even teenage girls who know no better). Oh dear god, I hope teenage girls do not jump on this disturbing bandwagon.

Surely, it is degrading to ask a woman to sign a contract where ‘she is now the property of the Dominant, to be dealt with as the Dominant pleases’ and ‘submitting [herself] to any sexual activity demanded by the Dominant…without hesitation or argument’ – especially when you take into consideration the fact that she would be signing up to something she has not yet experienced and knows little about as she is still a virgin. This is not something that should be promoted as desirable or idealistic. This book cheapens what feminists have fought for years! Don’t get me wrong I wouldn't deprive women of their right to express themselves sexually, nor to act upon their desires but I shudder at the thought of women aspiring to a relationship where she will take part in various things that she is not comfortable with and at times, even when she’s genuinely in fear of taking part, simply because she finds the guy ‘hot’.

description

The plot - I’m not even sure if there was one. 50% of the book is spent talking about sex/the contract and the other 50% is made up of clumsily written sex scenes. (view spoiler)

The writing is dull and unimaginative. It reads more like a diary – he did this, I did this. The constant repetitions are enough to make someone suicidal! I hope I never have to see the words, ‘my subconscious’ and ‘my inner goddess’ ever again or so help me god! The sex scenes were terrible and frankly a little disturbing to put down on paper – an incident with the tampon springs to mind.

The characters are simply absurd in this book.

~~AnaBella SteeleSwan~~ Anastasia Steele irked me quite a lot and reading this book from her point of view was no picnic in the park. Finding out that she is 21 years old was a shock – she reads like a dim-witted 12 year old, who’s vocabulary doesn’t extend further from ‘jeez’, ‘oh crap’, ‘damn’, ‘oh my’, ‘holy cow’ and even the constant reference to her vagina as ‘down there’. I found nothing remotely interesting about her. She has most of Bella’s traits and then some – she’s boring, clumsy and downright bitter, even towards her best friend, Kate. The only other word I can use to describe her is a ‘scrounger’ – can’t she afford her own clothes?

She’s too gullible and a hypocrite. She’s weak-willed and succumbs so easily for my liking. And I’m pretty sure she suffers from some form of mental disorder – schizophrenia perhaps? She constantly refers to what she calls her ‘inner goddess’ and her ‘subconscious’, who either cheer her on when there’s an opportunity for sex or take opportunities to call her a ‘dirty hoe’!

(view spoiler)Kill me now!

I swear Kate was a much more interesting character and would have made a better female lead, but like the other few characters she was mentioned only for the sake of a story. A real shame.

Christian Grey…where do I begin?
______________________________________________
From: Kruti
Subject: Your issues
Date: April 18 2011 23:15
To: Christian Grey

Dear Mr Grey,

You sir, are a pompous asshole! And frankly, you are in need of much help. Perhaps, I can direct you to the nearest mental hospital? Or better yet, accompany you to the nearest police station? It's the least I can do.

In response to your email, I think you have that the wrong way round, sir. It is I who would like to hurt you til you’re fifty shades of red!

Laters, baby.
Kruti

On Apr 18, 2012 at 23:00 PM, Christian Grey (christiangrey@ihaveissues.com) wrote:

"I want to hurt you. But not beyond anything you couldn't take."

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

_____________________________________________

There are simply so many things wrong with his character that I don’t even know where to begin. What’s unacceptable is how his upbringing is used as an excuse to cover up his abusive tendencies. NO!! That does not give him the right to exert control over her and abuse her. Ana constantly tells him how uncomfortable and afraid she is with what he wants and all he can say is 'That’s a Dom/sub thing. You’ll get used to it.'. Hell NO! That's not BDSM.

Okay children, let's explore the definition of BDSM:

"form of personal relationship involving the consensual use 
of restraint.."

Consensual being the key word! Don't tell me we have two consenting adults here. No, Ana is just a child trapped in a woman's body. She has no true idea of what this lifestyle entails and is at most times in fear.

If you're still not convinced about how unhealthy this relationship was, this probably will convince you. To ensure he gets her to do what he wants, he manipulates her with promises of a relationship if she is willing to try his way of lifestyle. And, Ana being the fool she is lets him beat her thinking 'Oh my, holy cow he's hot' and 'It’s what he wants...after all he’s done, I have to man up and take whatever he decides he wants, whatever he thinks he needs'. So in her mind, his need to control her and beat her is a form of therapy? No! That's not BDSM either.

I have absolutely nothing more to add. I'm taking my inner goddess elsewhere and grabbing a good book.

Extras: Honestly this is what I imagined Christian to be like. If you have a facebook account, you should definitely visit this link.

Click here for my review of Fifty Shades Darker (Fifty Shades, #2).

(less)

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Jul 16, 2012 Anzu The Great Destroyer rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: people who are into torture, creeps and whiny bitches

Recommended to Anzu by: Aly and Dee

Shelves: dropped-in-the-toilet, me-no-like-at-all, buddy-or-group-read, fat-kitty-judges-you, dafuq-did-i-just-read, is-it-just-me-goddammit, whiny-bitches, kill-it-with-fire, reviewed-2011, authors-i-want-to-stab, lust-at-first-sight, mary-sue, lit-for-the-chicks, romance-contemp, well-arent-you-mister-popularity, facepalm, blame-the-darksiders

I didn’t want to start this book. Many people are praising it but I’m simply not into erotica, it’s too cheap for me. But here I am in the mind of the innocent waiting to be devoured by the big bad wolf. Sounds pornographic, doesn’t it? That’s because it is…

Christian Grey. A hot dude that melts a woman’s panties off with just one look. The perfect sex toy set out to conquer an innocent girl. Grey (the sick f*ck) is considered one of the hottest characters out there but he doesn’t get to me. His...more

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Jul 27, 2011 Alicia rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Coma patients, no wait, they have enough problems.

Recommended to Alicia by: I'm actually still talking to her.

Shelves: pathetic-and-or-stupid-female-lead, wtf-is-this, caused-me-rage, disappointing, lurking-pedobear, ugh-first-person, speshul-snowflake, judging-you, i-hope-the-mayans-were-right, apparently-theft-is-okay, lowest-common-denominator, we-deserve-the-apocalypse, wtf-is-wrong-with-you-people, trees-died-for-this-crap, supports-theft-rh, chris-brown-would-be-proud, this-is-not-a-romance, male-lead-who-needs-a-junk-punch, me-and-ranty-mcgee, drank-the-haterade, author-needs-a-muzzle, not-for-realreal-just-for-playplay, curiosity-killed-the-cat, my-masochism-is-not-the-sexy-kind, ftlog-stop-calling-it-her-sex

This was a poorly written, utterly ridiculous, never ending mess as a fan fiction. The speed with which they "published" this indicates that they merely conducted a find and replace on the names and did not put in a good faith edit or rewrite the highly problematic storylines (read: the entire thing). The writing is insipid and juvenile. The characters are static, one dimensional, and unbelievably vacuous. (And also sound suspiciously and consistently British though they are supposed to be Ameri...more

This was a poorly written, utterly ridiculous, never ending mess as a fan fiction. The speed with which they "published" this indicates that they merely conducted a find and replace on the names and did not put in a good faith edit or rewrite the highly problematic storylines (read: the entire thing). The writing is insipid and juvenile. The characters are static, one dimensional, and unbelievably vacuous. (And also sound suspiciously and consistently British though they are supposed to be American.) In addition to the theft of intellectual property committed here it is not worth your time. If you like reading about incredibly stupid women, females being treated like the family pet in a relationship and marriage (outside of the poorly executed initial BDSM relationship), and no character development do a Google search for "Master of the Universe" and you'll find a residual copy of the original floating around. Save yourself the money and don't reward this unethical enterprise.

Added: A summary of ~~Fifty Shades of Grey~~ Master of the Universe.

Written to save a friend the . . . effort. . . of reading this – may my brain's sacrifice not be in vain. This story is not original fiction, therefore names will not be changed from the original as I will not protect this author or her "publisher."
*Language Warning*

(view spoiler)
–––
My Fifty Shades Darker review.
My Fifty Shades Freed review.
My review of the Bundle. It includes some important points I didn't include in these reviews.
Links of Interest (less)

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Dec 02, 2012 P.A. Lupton rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: all fans of erotic contemporary romance

Shelves: favourites, best-books-i-read-in-2011

Those of you who have had the privilege of reading Fifty Shades of Grey will appreciate the context in which this review was written. For those of you who have not read the book, well, you’ll have to buy a copy to understand the inside joke.

CONTRACT
Dated this day 28th day of October, 2011

BETWEEN
P.A. LUPTON (reader, and fan, Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James)
And
ALL FANS OF EROTIC, CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE

EXPECTATIONS
Readers can expect to find within the pages of this book a flawless rendering of the...more

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Apr 23, 2012 Juliana rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: everyone and their mother ... hmm, that last part could end up being awkward

Shelves: 0-own-as-an-ebook, romantica, romantica-contemporary, 5-plus-stars, 5-stars, 4-to-5-stars, favorite-books-of-all-time, best-romance-books, best-romance-heroes-ever, best-romance-heroines-ever, 0-wishlist-buy-in-dead-tree-form, 0-reviewed, 2011-aug-reads, 2011-reads, contemporary-romance, 2011-reads-my-favorites-of-the-year, challenge-2011-wllk-august-all-a, cr-a-little-on-the-naughty-side, cr-class-difference, cr-delicious-hero, cr-hero-businessman, cr-hero-famous, cr-hero-mid-to-late-20s, cr-hero-recluse-loner-mysterious, cr-hero-rough-haunted-tortured, cr-hero-very-bad-boy, cr-hero-abuse-trauma-rape, cr-heroine-bookish-smart, cr-heroine-good-girl, cr-heroine-not-confident, cr-heroine-poor-background, cr-heroine-somewhat-wallflower, cr-heroine-shy-quiet-wallflower, cr-instant-attraction, cr-sizzling-chemistry, cr-sad-or-emotional, 2011-reads-my-supremes-of-the-year, challenge-2011-wllk-aug-spell-out, challenge-2011-2012-nbrc-women-type, challenge-2011-nbrc-all-about-you, all-time-best-romance-heroes-ever, cr-hero-super-alpha, cr-heroine-early-to-mid-20s, cr-opposites-enemies-attract

Post Script on May 8, 2012
This book has exploded since I first read it and it seems to be one that is either loved or hated. I'm actually very thankful that I read it before any of my GR friends or anyone I knew, because I feel like if I read it now, after hearing all the hype, it would probably disappoint.

People have very strong reactions to Fifty Shades and just to put in my two cents: you read different books for different reasons. In my opinion!!! ...: Was this book a great piece of literatu

...more

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view all 497 comments

Swied1 I'll tell you why people are posting negative comments here. It's because this review is shocking. I just read the book, and when I clicked on the rev...more
Jan 09, 2013 04:32pm

Taylor Appreciated your review. However, in all honesty, I despised the books. Maybe the fact that it was taken from Twilight fanfiction, or maybe that Chris...more
Apr 08, 2013 12:11am

Dec 08, 2011 Claire rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

From: Claire
Sent: 08 December 2011 12:45
To: Christian Grey
Subject: Best Book Ever?

Dear Mr Grey

Or should I call you Sir? I have recently finished the first part of your trilogy about the romance between yourself and Miss Anastasia Steele and like Miss Steele I thought it would be easier for me to write my feelings down in an e-mail to you. You see I don’t tend to read books like the one written about you. In fact if you take a look at my bookshelf you will see less than five.

So where shall I be...more From: Claire
Sent: 08 December 2011 12:45
To: Christian Grey
Subject: Best Book Ever?

Dear Mr Grey

Or should I call you Sir? I have recently finished the first part of your trilogy about the romance between yourself and Miss Anastasia Steele and like Miss Steele I thought it would be easier for me to write my feelings down in an e-mail to you. You see I don’t tend to read books like the one written about you. In fact if you take a look at my bookshelf you will see less than five.

So where shall I begin? Well I think I should start with my feelings for you. To put it bluntly Mr Grey you beguile me. Even though I have only known you for four days I am a little embarrassed to say that I cannot stop thinking about you Sir. It seems that my every waking moment is about you. I have even dreamt about you. I have been so addicted to your story that I have grabbed every moment I could to read about you. I have skipped meals because that would take me away from you, I have stayed up late reading about you and I have also been late for work because yes you guessed it I was reading about you. I do not think you would have been happy about my behaviour Mr Grey and I fear that if I were yours my behind would be fifty shades of black and blue. I would also like to say how much I approve of Miss Steele. You have a wonderful girlfriend, she is clever and funny and I like her very much. I loved reading the e-mails between you both they were very witty and entertaining.

I must admit that I have seen your book around for a while and many of my friends have read it and raved about it but I didn’t even give you a look until this week but I am so glad I did. I see that your story is classified as erotica but I’m afraid I do not agree with this and I would class it as romance. Yes there is BDSM in your story and very hot scenes of you and Miss Steele but for me it is a love story. I have read a couple of erotica books before and they are nothing like yours. Unlike the others, which seemed to be just about sex, your book has a plot and a story that needs telling. Have you ever read a book Mr Grey and wished that you had written it and that it was your words on the page? Well that is how I feel about this book, I absolutely love it. I love the authors words and style of writing, it has bewitched me. Could this be the best book that I have ever read? You know what, I think it could be. This book has completely taken over my life, a first for me I must say. I have even listened to Spem In Alium by Thomas Tallis this morning. You know, the music you make Ana listen to when you…well I won’t go into that here.

I need to go now and give my life away to you again in book 2 Fifty Shades Darker. I hope I find out more about you Sir and why you are fifty shades of f**ked up. So until next time Mr Grey I bid you farewell.

I wish I was yours.

Claire x
(less)

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Jul 16, 2011 Molly rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Really.. blah, blah. On & on. No purpose, no plot, meandering for meandering's sake. I didn't finish it because, quite frankly, the 'heroine' got on my last fucking nerve. The writing style is atrocious and I can't fathom how or why so many people love this tiny slice of interweb fan fiction garbage.

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Nov 14, 2011 Puma rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I only bought this on Kindle because I was curious to see whether a professional edit made it any better than the original fanfic (which I abandoned once I realized the plot wasn't original enough for me to suffer through the cut-rate writing). Paging through this "published" version makes me more embarrassed for the author than I was when it was in the fanfic domain, and it DEFINITELY made me lose respect for The Writer's Coffee Shop.

Most distracting is the schizophrenic voice of the main chara...more I only bought this on Kindle because I was curious to see whether a professional edit made it any better than the original fanfic (which I abandoned once I realized the plot wasn't original enough for me to suffer through the cut-rate writing). Paging through this "published" version makes me more embarrassed for the author than I was when it was in the fanfic domain, and it DEFINITELY made me lose respect for The Writer's Coffee Shop.

Most distracting is the schizophrenic voice of the main character, Ana. In one paragraph, Ana's words sound like those of a quasi-literate teenager; in the next paragraph she uses uber-literate words like "gamine". Are we supposed to believe that she's naive or sophisticated? Un-self-aware or articulate?

Add in culture confusion: Ana is supposed to be American, but the author (who is from the U.K.) keeps having Ana use Britishisms! Her roommate isn't "sick" like American people are, she's "ill"; Ana doesn't "grab her bag" before going out the door, she "gathers her satchel". Ana's voice fails to consistently ring true for an American girl.

Yet, the worst literary crime is the outright misuse of language. Says Ana at one point: "The elevator whisks me with terminal velocity to the twentieth floor." Um...terminal velocity occurs when the downward force of gravity equals the upward force of drag, and it can't be reached by a controlled-speed mechanism that draws an object upward (such as an elevator). Even if the author didn't know this, the editor should have caught it.

The problems don't end there. From cliches (without a lick of irony or humor, Ana is described as putting the "pedal to the metal" as she drives), to awkward sentences, to nonsensical metaphors, this work is amateurish. There's nothing wrong with being an amateur, but there IS something wrong with charging people money for something that hasn't been professionally edited. If this author wants to be taken seriously, she should take the time to learn about writing craft and align herself with an editing house that will turn her writing into serious work. (less)

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Jun 08, 2012 Baba ♥♥♥ Marcus, Tyler, Tate, Dan, Ty, & Hunter rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: books-everyone-loved-but-baba, erotica-erotic-romance, dnf, worst-books-ever, bored-out-of-my-mind, rolls-eyes, running-away-screaming, wtf-is-that, someone-put-me-out-of-my-misery

“Sex is more than an act of pleasure, it's the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you're a part of them.
- Author unknown -

Well, let me come down to business. I didn't like this book. FSoG couldn't live up to my expectations--not by a long shot! It was a huge disappointment. Ultimately, I had to cave in--I couldn’t finish FSoG.

I dislike the author’s writing style-...more

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Sep 26, 2011 Holly rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Recommended to Holly by: Elena R a.k.a. Lunies R

Shelves: bdsm, all-time-favorites, ebooks-own-and-read, loved-loved-loved-it, books-i-own

Let me start by saying.... Wow! Just Wow!!

This book is 5+ stars for me!! It is my favorite kind of story. You know what I mean...just so intense that the characters get so far under your skin that you can't stand to be away from them for any length of time? Well, that was me while reading this book, I couldn't concentrate to get anything done :)

There are a lot of reviews on this book, and obviously the majority love it, so I am simply going to explain some of the reasons that this story grabbed...more Let me start by saying.... Wow! Just Wow!!

This book is 5+ stars for me!! It is my favorite kind of story. You know what I mean...just so intense that the characters get so far under your skin that you can't stand to be away from them for any length of time? Well, that was me while reading this book, I couldn't concentrate to get anything done :)

There are a lot of reviews on this book, and obviously the majority love it, so I am simply going to explain some of the reasons that this story grabbed hold of my heart and wouldn't let go.

First, I am a total sucker for the tortured hero and you would be hard pressed to find a hero more tortured that our own beloved Christian Grey. That said, the fact that he is a gazillionaire at age 27 is nothing to shake a stick at! Christian's intensity and focus is what really captured me in all this, I keep having to remind myself how old he is. The chemistry between Anastasia & Christian is just off the friggin' charts, I swear at times I could feel it coming right off the pages, from the moment she 'fell' into his office!! :)

I really enjoyed the BDSM element, it wasn't necessarily heavy but intense, especially listening to Christian tell Ana that he WANTED to hurt her and why. When he said he had never had to explain it before and knew he wasn't explaining well just melted my heart. There is such a vulnerable, sweet boy underneath that gorgeous domineering man!

Obviously you can tell I am completely smitten with Christian, but let me tell you a little bit about why I completely love Ana too. Even though she is an innocent, oh and I mean really innocent, I can't help but love her fire! Yes, just like the rest of the female population she has fallen completely under Christian's spell but she is not willing to just submit to his every whim - She's feisty but conflicted, I love the emotion!!

Now, I could wax poetic about this book all day long but I will instead say if you haven't read this and you enjoy a read that will stay with you for days after you finish it then I cannot recommend this enough!! GO GET IT - RIGHT NOW!!! That's right, shouty capitals!! LOL - I myself finished this one and jumped right into Fifty Shades Darker because like I said, I can't get enough!! Soooo..... Laters baby!!(less)

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May 07, 2012 Lisa rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: masochistastic, 1-books, adult, bad-romance, hated-with-all-of-my-hate

Garbage. Absolutely horrifying, utter trash. A waste of trees, bookshelf space and precious, oh so very fucking precious braincells. Honestly, why is this even published? Every single book store in Sydney is promoting this tripe, claiming it to be some kind of awesome romance novel. Are you absolutely shitting me? There is nothing romantic at all about this 'book'. And I don't mean the BDSM erotica themes, I mean the fifty levels of abuse in this friggin' thing.

In fact, that's what this book sh...more

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Feb 20, 2013 Kira rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: books-to-use-as-weapons, lolwut, made-me-want-to-choke-myself, lost-the-will-to-live, my-eyes-my-eyes, what-has-been-seen-cannot-be-unseen, so-boring-i-ate-my-own-face, train-wreck-romance, tstl-heroine, argh-you-made-me-cry, go-choke-on-your-sexism, will-read-for-all-the-wrong-reasons, your-slut-shaming-is-disgusting

Head's up: If any of you fucking fucks comment at the bottom of this fucking review and say, "You don't understand BDSM" I'mma hunt you down and make you eat your fucking computer, plus the mouse, plus the keyboard, plus any other internet-connected devices in your home, including but not limited to iPhones, iPods, iPads, Androids, games consoles and ereaders. This book is not an accurate or healthy portrayal of a real BDSM relationship between two consensual and enthusiastic parties. Thus, by d...more

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May 21, 2012 Nikki rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Readers that enjoy angst, shades of BDSM and don't mind immature heroines.

Recommended to Nikki by: Juliana

Shelves: own-ebook, contemporary, hot-hot-hot, delicious-hero, 2-and-a-half-stars

2.5 stars.

I don't think I've ever read a book that's left me quite as bemused as this one has. The writing left a lot to be desired, the heroine didn't impress me at all and yet I find myself wanting to read the next in the series.

After having a day to let this sink in I have to try and put my feelings succinctly into a review. How do I say this exactly......... Anastasia damn near killed me. There were just too many things about her that turned me off bigtime. I can understand how her vulnerab...more

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Apr 21, 2012 River rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: a furnace

Recommended to River by: ONTD book club-lulz additon. But there were no lulz, just pain.

Shelves: ontd-book-club, dafuqdidijustread, instalovetm, soldtheirsoultogetpublished

Goodreads Y U no haz zero stars????

This is how I felt the entire time while reading 50 Shades of Vomit.

This is by far the worst book I have ever read. The fact that people like this inane ripoff is beyond me. I told myself that I would not personally attack authors (or swear in my reviews anymore) but fuck me, E.L. James is taunting me with this "novel." I can't help but to actively judge her for inflicting this trite, poorly written wish-fulfillment ~story onto society.

I am sure it's been said...more

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Mar 14, 2012 Abbi Glines rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: my-favs

Okay… I realized by people's comments that I never said exactly what I thought about this book. Well, I loved it. I've now read it four times. Christian Grey ranks right up there with Travis Maddox in my book boyfriend world. This series is addicting. When I need a good read this is my "go to" series. I didn't know what to think about this because I wasn't sure how I felt about BDSM… but this is sooooo much more than that. One of the BEST love stories I've read to date.

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Sep 23, 2012 Haleema marked it as no-thanks · review of another edition

Shelves: brain-cells-went-bye-bye, half-wit-heroine, characters-are-half-troll, no-no-no-no-no, not-interested, i-never-listen, lame-rip-offs-of-other-works, my-vomit-is-nicer, snape-disapproves, stephen-king-was-right

Huh. Let's see how bad this book really is.

*reads some quotes from others' statuses*

description

You see. I read anything. I've read M...m...m...m...m...m Marked and survived (view spoiler)

But this.

This.

Call me a coward. Call me a hypocrite. Call me a sissy. Call me anything.
(view spoiler)

I WILL NEVER READ THIS BOOK! I will not be under the influence of this devilry! Not even for...more

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Apr 30, 2013 Richard rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License.

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May 22, 2012 karen rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: books-are-dirrrrrrty

now hear me out, people. i liked it, but i didn't like it-like it. the writing is shitty, it is, but i am a sucker for enthusiasm. and you can tell she has it. at the reading of hers i worked, she didn't come across as some fame-hungry monster -she seems as baffled by her success as i am. it's like people with ugly kids. they know what they have brought into the world, but they love it regardless, and they're just happy when the other kids play with it on the playground. and it's not that i thin...more

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Aug 10, 2012 Ceilidh rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. (This is clearly a joke, no offence intended to anyone mentioned. My thanks to Tumblr for all the gifs. If you know nothing about British politics, this may make this a bit difficult.)

ORDER! ORDER! 50 Shades of Grey review by the leader of the opposition. Mr Ed Miliband!

"Ed Miliband Reviews 50 Shades of Grey (whilst Ceilidh hopes this doesn't result in her party membership being revoked!)"

Mr Speaker, thank you for allowing us to have this emergency meeting in the House of Commons to discuss thi...more

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Feb 20, 2013 Sandra rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Only the very gullible. And verklempt housewives, possibly.

Recommended to Sandra by: No one I can blame, unfortunately

Shelves: rewritten-fanfiction, cheap-ploys-to-make-a-buck, are-you-effing-serious, dont-even-bother, gonna-be-sick, made-me-ragey, cheesy-covers, clueless-heroines, sociopaths, that-poor-tree, tie-me-up, wtf-is-this, darwin-award-eligible, dipshit-heroes, no-just-no, not-cool, not-if-i-were-dying, read-the-fanfic-for-free, severe-side-eyes, shouldn-t-be-published, worst-books-ever

This is pretty much the same exact story that was posted as MOTU online. The only difference (other than the character names and a few minor details) appears to be that this book ends in a spot that leaves the reader hanging (like a cliffie in fanfiction) and seems designated solely to ensure that we buy the next book as well.

I won't be.

ETA: Please read this article by The Rumpus - http://therumpus.net/2012/05/the-trou...

ETA:

One of the best reviews of this book evah!

http://katastrophiccuriosity ...more

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Jul 14, 2012 fяσzєη rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: dont-understand-why-its-hyped, dickhead-heroes, adult, no-just-no, goodbye-brain-cells, horrifyingly-bad, is-this-some-kind-of-joke, my-eyes-are-bleeding

See Selena Gomez parodying this book, Fifty Shades of Blue! I had no feelings for her before, but after watching that, I think I might love her. xD

____________________

I remember finding a free ebook of this once and skimming through it, cause I wanted to see what the fuss was all about, because I've seen a lot of women on here go all "OH FIFTY! MY FIFTY! YES, I LOVE YOU FIFTY! MY FIFTY! OH MR. GREY, YOU MAKE MY WOMAN PARTS BURN UP!"

Of course, I was fully aware that this was an erotica novel, and...more

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Mar 25, 2012 Steph Sinclair rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Absolutely no one

Shelves: adult, indie, 2012-reads, ahhhhh-my-eyes, all-the-wrong-choices, can-t-believe-i-finished, creepy-lover, didn-t-care-for-it, ebook, fell-for-the-hype, hated-it-with-a-firey-passion, heroines-i-want-to-shake, i-blame-twilight, kill-it-with-fire, kill-me-now, le-sigh, lots-of-fail-going-on-here, made-me-angry, no-just-no, not-for-me, ranty-review, rubbish, where-s-my-chocolate, why-the-hype, why-why-why-did-i-read-it, youve-got-to-be-kidding-me, bite-me-whip-me-chain-me, abusive-boyfriends, no-stars-for-you

Introducing an even more abusive and disturbing TWILIGHT! Now with whips and chains!

Fifty Shades of Shit

Haters, please exit stage left.

I'm not sure what possessed me to pick up Fifty Shades of Grey. I thought I might genuinely like it before I started, but all I was left with was one hell of a mindfuck. Whatever it was that brought on this knee jerk purchase seems to have mercifully left me with enough common sense to say I will not be continuing on with this series.

Recently I discovered on...more

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Jul 14, 2012 Ezmirelda rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: No one alive. Do NOT support by buying it.

Shelves: adult-fiction, not-worth-your-time, stupid-main-character, did-not-finish, dissapointing, made-me-mad, sucky-romance, unoriginal, trees-died-for-this-crap, abusive-relationship, wtf-is-this, ahh-my-eyes, for-the-love-of-god-make-it-stop, crap-crap-crap, help-us-all, you-re-kidding-right, shoot-me-now, burning-this, for-those-who-enjoy-crap, rape-culture

THERE ARE SPOILERS FROM THIS BOOK AND QUOTES FROM THE OTHER TWO IN THE SERIES. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

First off read the third half of this review. It's literally the best review out there written on this book so I highly reccommend it.

Or this review.

- - - - - - - - - -

I saw Fifty Shades of Grey mentioned on morning talk shows, on the radio, and all over the internet. Basically, everywhere you went someone was whispering about it. Later that same week I came across an article and learned that it...more

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Jan 02, 2012 Jess rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: adult, awesomeness, erotica, favorites

"Did you just splash me?" "Yes." Holy shit...that look. "Oh, Miss Steele." He grabs me onto his lap, sloshing water all over the floor. "I think we've done enough talking for now."

Ah what can I say. I sort of want to keep this short and sweet, but I can't guarantee that will be the case. It's been a long time since I read anything remotely adult, and the first time since I read something classed as 'Erotica'. I wouldn't say Fifty Shades is erotica, it's more romance that has lots of hot sex in.....more "Did you just splash me?" "Yes." Holy shit...that look. "Oh, Miss Steele." He grabs me onto his lap, sloshing water all over the floor. "I think we've done enough talking for now."

Ah what can I say. I sort of want to keep this short and sweet, but I can't guarantee that will be the case. It's been a long time since I read anything remotely adult, and the first time since I read something classed as 'Erotica'. I wouldn't say Fifty Shades is erotica, it's more romance that has lots of hot sex in...almost every other chapter, and there are 26 chapters. I picked up Fifty Shades mostly due to the rave reviews that it got. And it didn't disapoint at all. From what I could tell this book (before published) was on Fan Fiction.net under a Twilight fan fiction. Christian was Edward, and Anastasia was Bella. However don't let that put you off, Fifty Shades ISN'T remotely Twilight-esque. Yes, there are simlarities; Continental US, Sexy rich guy, shy naive girl, but that's about as Twilight as it gets. Fifty Shades is in a whole other world of it's own.

I liked Ana from the first moment, she isn't whiny. I don't like whiny heroines. She's strong willed yet innocent in most things (sexual). Through out the book Ana grows and when she meets Christian (*fangirl scream) she becomes stubborn and determined to figure this obscenely rich (And I mean obscenely rich, he's like a Gazillionaire Entrepreneur) with a darrrrk secret. He doesn't like to be touched, but that doesn't stop Ana, from trying to get him to allow her to touch him. Christian, is albeit, a little stalker-ish, but he makes up for it in 'other' ways. And in the end Christian is completely and utterly swoon worthy. Trust me on this. There were times I wanted to punch him, a some times I was like 'UGH! You absolute control freak!' but as you'll soon find out, his control freak-ness comes with the lifestyle that he lives behind his closed apartment doors.

Fifty Shades is the first BDSM relationship book that I've read, I thought I'd find it weird to read the sex scenes in Christians 'Playroom' but it wasn't, I generally looked passed the fact that he was controlling her and 'trianing' her to be his Sub. As I said in the beginning, Fifty Shades isn't really erotic, its just another romance story with a lot of hot sex every other chapter. It sort of got a little annoying reading a sex scene every other chapter, but I looked passed it, because the romance between Christian and Ana is one of complete and utter incompatibility, that it leaves you wondering whether this couple could last.

Fifty Shades, was sexy, funny and completely new to me! Most of the bits that had me out right laughing were the email interactions between Christian and Ana, those were incredibly funny, with each of them changing the 'Subject' line before writing something relating to it. Christian would sometimes change his signature that would relate to the said subject line. One email that got me laughing was this: "Sir, If you recall, I was going through the list when I was distracted and bedded by a passing control freak. Goodnight. Ana." LOL. Had me in stitches.

The ending left me in utter chaos! I need the second book (I'm glad there's a second book that's already published), because that ending was incredibly heartbreaking for Ana, Christian and even me as a reader.

Anyway, I don't regret reading this book at all. I think everyone (well everyone OVER the age of 18) should read this. It's funny, sexy, hot and it has it all. Unlike most 'Erotica' novels, this one has a plot, romance and a story. It's not a book you'll likely to forget anytime soon. And if you don't fall for Christian (even with his Dom side to him), then there is something seriously wrong with you. Go read it, you won't regret it.(less)

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Feb 14, 2013 Kara rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I'm rating it because I read it as a fan fiction. I thought it was terribly written then and I have heard nothing has changed but the names. The characters are based off of Bella and Edward. There are many similarities. The author can't write. Period. Hello, ellipsis over-usage. British-speak when the characters live in Seattle. Bad and uninspired sex scenes. Horrible portrayals of the BDSM lifestyle. To see that this book is now being published by Random House is nothing short of disgusting and...more

115 likes · like · see review

Jun 24, 2012 Ian Graye rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: reviews, read-2012, reviews-2-stars, erotica

Fifty-Five Shades of Graye

When poet, personal trainer, dorm mistress and real estate agent Ana Stasia reads an opus-type review by the reasonably successful middle-aged donut store franchisee Ian Graye on GoodReads, she finds him attractive, enigmatic and intimidating, if a little bit geeky.

Convinced her first post on one of his threads went down badly, she tries to put Graye out of her mind - until he happens to turn up at the out-of-town netball carnival at which her daughter is playing a tea...more

106 likes · like · see review

Apr 22, 2012 Manny marked it as to-read · review of another edition

Shelves: blame-jordan-if-you-like, the-goodreads-experience, mentions-twilight

Bad Book Is Like Other Bad Book Shock

At a standing-room-only press conference earlier today, top researchers from the world famous Goodreads Center for Bodice-Ripping, Bondage and Twilight Studies revealed that a bad book was quite a lot like another bad book.

"When I saw the final results of the data analysis, a cold shiver went down my spine," said the Center's director. "The chain of inference is long, and at first we weren't sure all the steps were watertight, but now we're confident enough t...more

260 likes · like · see review

view all 118 comments

Wordsmith Here Here—or is it Hear Hear? *Bangs the Gavel!* Sadly, my belief in No Censorship (short of what we all know is vile not to mention quite illegal) me...more
Aug 15, 2012 01:54am

Mandy I have just spent hours reading this whole thread, and realize I am quite late to the conversation, but I can't keep quiet. I agree with most everythi...more I have just spent hours reading this whole thread, and realize I am quite late to the conversation, but I can't keep quiet. I agree with most everything Jane said, except for that I did not LOVE this book. I just didn't hate it. I think people are just looking at it too seriously. I read this series b/c of the hype, and also because I'm a librarian and felt I should be informed on the biggest craze, and I read it with very LOW expectations. Even without reading all the horrible reviews prior to the novel, I wouldn't have expected much from a book labeled "erotic romance". It exceeded my expectations, which doesn't say a lot. The writing was awful. I don't think that can be disputed, but there were some redeeming qualities. There is an actual plot and character growth. I guess what annoys me about all the negative reviews is that Ana did NOT become a submissive! She opposed Christian whenever things became "too much" for her. In the end, SHE won. I mean, yeah, they compromised, but it wasn't with BDSM. So I don't see how this book can be accused of promoting abuse or sexual violence. And the sex wasn't any worse than a typical bodice-ripper novel. As for why it's so popular...I think it plays on women's fantasies (or SOME women). No we don't want to be abused, but it's written in a way as to make Ana seem immensely DESIRABLE, and I would venture that ALL women want that. Plus Christian is capable and thoughtful enough to give Ana the most intense, earth-shattering orgasms I've ever heard of (something which I found extremely difficult to believe, but hey, wouldn't it be nice?...) Anyway, I think that some of us who read are doing it to escape reality, to live a life other than our own for a short time, and those people, like me, tend to gloss over the aspects of a book that they don't particularly care for. I mean, even if the author tells me the hero is a blond, but I picture him as a brunette, I just keep on picturing him the way I want. My GOAL is to enjoy the novel, not to find all it's flaws. Sometimes a book is so awful you can't do that, but most times, I find that I enjoy almost everything I read. This was average to me, well a little below due to the writing. Not spectacular, but not as horrible as people make it sound. I just can't imagine how out of touch a person must be to have expected anything profound from a novel like this. Also...I don't think this book is for men. I just don't see it being the kind of thing that would appeal to them. But I could be wrong. :-)(less)
Oct 01, 2012 03:01pm

topics	posts	views	last activity
Am I the only one creeped out by Christian?	135	910	25 minutes ago
How Many Unread Books to You Have On Your Kindle/Nook?	102	263	5 hours, 17 min ago
Oddly familiar ...	5	78	10 hours, 45 min ago
Best Erotic Books for Women	28	487	12 hours, 48 min ago
How old should someone be to read this book?	432	2174	21 hours, 3 min ago
Goodreads Choice ...: * May 2013 - Fifty Shades of Grey (#1)	21	83	May 22, 2013 02:52pm
To read or not to read, that is the question	4	25	May 22, 2013 02:40pm

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