Far from the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity

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Far from the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity

4.25 of 5 stars 4.25 · rating details · 2,265 ratings · 526 reviews

From the National Book Award–winning author of The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression comes a monumental new work, a decade in the writing, about family. In Far from the Tree, Andrew Solomon tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so. Solomon’s startling proposition is that diversity...more From the National Book Award–winning author of The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression comes a monumental new work, a decade in the writing, about family. In Far from the Tree, Andrew Solomon tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so. Solomon’s startling proposition is that diversity is what unites us all. He writes about families coping with deafness, dwarfism, Down syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, multiple severe disabilities, with children who are prodigies, who are conceived in rape, who become criminals, who are transgender. While each of these characteristics is potentially isolating, the experience of difference within families is universal, as are the triumphs of love Solomon documents in every chapter.

All parenting turns on a crucial question: to what extent parents should accept their children for who they are, and to what extent they should help them become their best selves. Drawing on forty thousand pages of interview transcripts with more than three hundred families, Solomon mines the eloquence of ordinary people facing extreme challenges. Whether considering prenatal screening for genetic disorders, cochlear implants for the deaf, or gender reassignment surgery for transgender people, Solomon narrates a universal struggle toward compassion. Many families grow closer through caring for a challenging child; most discover supportive communities of others similarly affected; some are inspired to become advocates and activists, celebrating the very conditions they once feared. Woven into their courageous and affirming stories is Solomon’s journey to accepting his own identity, which culminated in his midlife decision, influenced by this research, to become a parent.

Elegantly reported by a spectacularly original thinker, Far from the Tree explores themes of generosity, acceptance, and tolerance—all rooted in the insight that love can transcend every prejudice. This crucial and revelatory book expands our definition of what it is to be human.(less)

Hardcover, 976 pages

Published November 13th 2012 by Scribner

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Dec 05, 2012 Greg rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: best-of-the-best

With the full disclosure that I work for the publisher of Far from the Tree and spent a lot of time helping to bring this book to life, I can say hands-down that this is one of the very best--and most important--works of nonfiction I've ever read (and probably will read for a long time to come).

Solomon, who won The National Book Award for The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, spent ten years interviewing families that are extraordinary in every sense of the word, but most particularly in t...more With the full disclosure that I work for the publisher of Far from the Tree and spent a lot of time helping to bring this book to life, I can say hands-down that this is one of the very best--and most important--works of nonfiction I've ever read (and probably will read for a long time to come).

Solomon, who won The National Book Award for The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, spent ten years interviewing families that are extraordinary in every sense of the word, but most particularly in that the parents, by having borne children who are incredibly different from themselves, have become better people in ways they could never have imagined. These children are deaf, dwarfs, have Down Syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, and other severe disabilities; they are prodigies, criminals, conceived in rape, or transgender.

Spanning 700 monumental pages (the remaining 250 are notes and index) the stories in Far from the Tree,which are interspersed with deep research and bookended by Solomon's own story as a gay son and father, create an astounding narrative scope, at the heart of which is the argument that we need to accept these people as having full and rich identities, as opposed to simply illnesses or conditions. Solomon writes, “Having always imagined myself in a fairly slim minority, I suddenly saw that I was in a vast company. Difference is what unites us. While each of these experiences [of the disabled] can isolate those who are affected, together they compose an aggregate of millions whose struggles connect them profoundly. The exceptional is ubiquitous; to be entirely typical is the rare and lonely state.”

There’s so much in Far from the Tree that to capture its breadth in a review this short is impossible. Let’s just say it’s about nothing less than what it means to be human. To read even a page of its laser-sharp prose is to experience a worldview that’s revolutionary in its humanity and empathy. Don’t be daunted by the length; reading experiences this good are worth drawing out and savoring as much as possible.(less)

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Feb 21, 2013 Moira Russell rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: ebook, on-the-kindle

This book can be best described as a Piping Hot Mess....this book's topic bites off not only more than Solomon himself can chew, but more than that guy who's won the Nathan's Famous Forth of July hotdog-eating contest for the past six years running could chew, in all six years.

Read the rest of this review at my blog.

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Feb 21, 2013 Mitsy rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Everyone

Shelves: first-read, nonfiction

YES! Yes! YES! I WON this Andrew Solomon Book! :) Oh, wow! If you haven't heard of this book, read the summary and, most likely, you'll want to win/read it, too! If you love learning as I do, Far From The Tree is for you. I'm shocked and in awe that I WON this! Yes.

There is a lot of information to be learned in this book. At times, Andrew Solomon writes pages and pages of his thoughts mixed with facts. While I may not agree with him on everything, I thoroughly enjoyed learning so much I never kn...more

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Mar 03, 2013 Trish rated it 4 of 5 stars

I did not read every word of this huge book, but I read sections and enough of the whole to get the gist of his focus. Solomon is inclusive in his view of the wide variety of human development and manifestation, and his tone must be incredibly reassuring to parents with children that are different from their more mainstream brethren, to say nothing of persons who themselves manifest special needs.

Solomon is remarkably fluent for someone who struggled with dyslexia in his childhood. One wonders...more I did not read every word of this huge book, but I read sections and enough of the whole to get the gist of his focus. Solomon is inclusive in his view of the wide variety of human development and manifestation, and his tone must be incredibly reassuring to parents with children that are different from their more mainstream brethren, to say nothing of persons who themselves manifest special needs.

Solomon is remarkably fluent for someone who struggled with dyslexia in his childhood. One wonders if he dictated this book, for he writes so easily, warmly (passionately), and clearly that a reader is drawn in and loses oneself in his many histories of persons or families dealing with exceptionalism of all types.

Solomon is a homosexual and so states at the outset of this book. "Long after childhood, I clung to childish things as a dam against sexuality. This willful immaturity was overlaid with an affected Victorian prudery, aimed not at masking but obliterating desire." That he includes homosexuality with what others might call "diseases" of the mind or body is a curious thing. In any case, he explains his position as one of "other," and as one reads, he explains that the "other" in those disabled in some way makes him a part of that larger group. He in no way suggests otherness is aberrant. In fact, he recommends a celebration of differentness.

There are a couple of passages that I found, in Solomon's words, "radicalizing" and, to show you a small measure of the pleasures in store in this book, I quote some of them for you here.

"Then a friend has a daughter who was a dwarf. She wondered whether she should bring up her daughter to consider herself just like everyone else, only shorter; whether she should make sure her daughter had dwarf role models; or whether she should investigate surgical limb-lengthening. As she narrated her bafflement, I saw a familiar pattern. I had been startled to note my common ground with the Deaf, and now I was identifying with a dwarf; I wondered who else was out there waiting to join our gladsome throng. I thought that if gayness, and identity, could grow out of homosexuality, an illness, and Deafness, an identity, could grow out of deafness, an illness, and if dwarfism as an identity could emerge from an apparent disability, then there must be many other categories in this awkward interstitial territory. It was a radicalizing insight. Having always imagined myself in a fairly slim minority, I suddenly saw that I was in a vast company. Difference unites us. While each of these experiences can isolate those who are affected, together they compose an aggregate of millions whose struggles connect them profoundly. The exceptional is ubiquitous; to be entirely typical is the rare and lonely state."

"Anomalous bodies are usually more frightening to people who witness them than to people who have them, yet parents rush to normalize physical exceptionalism, often at great psychic cost to themselves and their children. Labeling a child's mind as diseased--whether with autism, intellectual disabilities or transgenderism--may reflect the discomfort that mind gives parents more than any discomfort it causes their child. Much gets corrected that might better have been left alone."

[on schizophrenia] "In 2011, I was privy to a conversation between a biotech executive and James Watson, the Nobel Laureate who, with Francis Crick, discovered the structure of DNA, and who has a son with schizophrenia. The executive opined that schizophrenia research was diffuse and chaotic; he had a grand scheme for getting everyone to collaborate, so that people could each benefit from the knowledge of others. He had hoped he could inspire a breakthrough if he raised $400 milllion to address the problem. Watson said, 'We're nowhere near the stage where collaboration is useful. We don't know enough; there's nothing anyone has figured out for anyone else to build on. We need an insight, not a refinement. If I had your four hundred million dollars, I'd find a hundred bright young scientists and give them each four million. If I chose right, one of them would come up with something.'"

[on prodigy] "If Zhenya plays the piano with the fluidity with which I talk, he talks with the awkwardness with which I play the piano. His profound intelligence and complex thoughts are indicated but not expressed by conversation...I had been toying with the idea of music as a first language before I put it to Zhenya about a year after we met. I wanted to know something about the structure of a Rachmaninoff cadenza. 'This one?' asked Zhenya, and played six bars. On the tape of our meeting, the emotional transition is more suprising than the shift from speech to music: the notes contain all the feeling absent from the words...A yearning to be understood--the primary beauty of Zhenya's playing--distinguishes this from technical facility...I felt for the first time that we were in full conversation; it was as intimate as a confidence or an embrace."

Whatever normality Solomon lacks, one must inevitably conclude after glancing through this book that he is exceptional also in speech. We have long known through our history that those with the "gift of tongues" have an outsized impact upon the masses. Solomon has this gift. Solomon demonstrates his gift in this book to begin people thinking in a new way on issues of disability and differentness, even homosexuality and transgenderism. Ignore him and what he has to say at your peril, for this man has sway.

In the end, there are 250+ pages of notes in this book, so the text is only six hundred-some pages. It is absorbing to read, and so thoughtful in addressing pressing issues of differentness, one feels that some breakthroughs in our understanding of "disability" is imminent. Rather than be the last to know, you may wish to take a stroll though the thinking that may change the way we live our lives.

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May 12, 2013 Margie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Recommended to Margie by: Upworthy

Shelves: society

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What a great book. Solomon looks at families, which usually have vertical identities (shared family traits), where children have horizontal identities (characteristics they share with people outside of their families). Being a prodigy or schizophrenic or born with Down syndrome usually gives children an identity they do not share with their parents. It can be bewildering, heartbreaking, and sometimes richly rewarding for those...more

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Jan 29, 2013 Judie rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Everyone

When it comes to having children, Andrew Solomon doesn’t believe in reproduction. He says the word implies making a copy of something. He does believe in production, recognizing that every child is a new, different, individual person. He acknowledges that children do share some traits with their parents, which he calls vertical identity. They may have some traits different from their families but shared by peers. These he calls horizontal identity. He is gay. His parents are straight. Gay is a h...more

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Apr 08, 2013 Lambert rated it 5 of 5 stars

It took me a fairly long time to read this book. Not because it is dry, but because it made me stop and reflect not only on my life, but on those around me. This has to be the kindest book I have read in a long time. Mr. Solomon is so generous and open with everyone he interviews. He also gives of himself to those same people. Many are in very distressing situations, others have coped with awful situations and done so spectacularly, The author is not at all shy to point out what he learned from...more

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Feb 01, 2013 Molly Parker rated it 4 of 5 stars

Its not very often that I find a non-fiction book that I really loved and didn't want to put down. This is one of those. I've seen other reviews and they seem to vary depending on your life situation and opinions. Each chapter dealt with a different disability/difference/issue which kept it uncluttered and allowed the author to focus. The book deals with those born different from their parents or at least not what the parents expected.
I found it very interesting to see the perspective of famili...more

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Nov 30, 2012 Anita rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book has shoved aside books I planned to read for months. I really identify with Andrew Solomon's difficulties growing up gay and dyslexic, despite being neither, which is a testament to how broad and powerful the ideas and stories about 'disability' in here are.

Most of this was five stars, an incredible piece of reporting, but there were a couple of chapters where I felt the research and analysis dropped in quality, which I think was inevitable, given a tome of this size. It's a powerful b...more

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Mar 09, 2013 Beth rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book looks at what the author calls "horizontal identities", such as deafness, being gay, being autistic, etc. He has interviewed the families that deal with these challenges and, when he can, the people who have them.

The stories are interesting and he makes some important points. However, I think he goes on way too long with his own ruminations.

I lost patience with Mr. Solomon several times, but I'm still glad I read it.

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May 13, 2013 Leon rated it 4 of 5 stars

Solomon’s startling proposition is that diversity is what unites us all. He writes about families coping with deafness, dwarfism, Down syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, mul

...more

Solomon’s startling proposition is that diversity is what unites us all. He writes about families coping with deafness, dwarfism, Down syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, multiple severe disabilities, with children who are prodigies, who are conceived in rape, who become criminals, who are transgender. While each of these characteristics is potentially isolating, the experience of difference within families is universal, as are the triumphs of love Solomon documents in every chapter.

All parenting turns on a crucial question: to what extent parents should accept their children for who they are, and to what extent they should help them become their best selves. Drawing on forty thousand pages of interview transcripts with more than three hundred families, Solomon mines the eloquence of ordinary people facing extreme challenges. Whether considering prenatal screening for genetic disorders, cochlear implants for the deaf, or gender reassignment surgery for transgender people, Solomon narrates a universal struggle toward compassion. Many families grow closer through caring for a challenging child; most discover supportive communities of others similarly affected; some are inspired to become advocates and activists, celebrating the very conditions they once feared. Woven into their courageous and affirming stories is Solomon’s journey to accepting his own identity, which culminated in his midlife decision, influenced by this research, to become a parent.

Elegantly reported by a spectacularly original thinker, Far from the Tree explores themes of generosity, acceptance, and tolerance—all rooted in the insight that love can transcend every prejudice. This crucial and revelatory book expands our definition of what it is to be human.

Amazon.com Review

Amazon Best Books of the Month, November 2012: Anyone who’s ever said (or heard or thought) the adage “chip off the old block” might burrow into Andrew Solomon’s tome about the ways in which children are different from their parents--and what such differences do to our conventional ideas about family. Ruminative, personal, and reportorial all at once, Solomon--who won a National Book Award for his treatise on depression, The Noonday Demon--begins by describing his own experience as the gay son of heterosexual parents, then goes on to investigate the worlds of deaf children of hearing parents, dwarves born into “normal” families, and so on. His observations and conclusions are complex and not easily summarized, with one exception: The chapter on children of law-abiding parents who become criminals. Solomon rightly points out that this is a very different situation indeed: “to be or produce a schizophrenic...is generally deemed a misfortune,” he writes. “To...produce a criminal is often deemed a failure.” Still, parents must cope with or not, accept or not, the deeds or behaviors or syndromes of their offspring. How they do or do not do that makes for fascinating and disturbing reading. --Sara Nelson

From Booklist

Starred Review Solomon, who won the National Book Award for The Noonday Demon (2001), tackles daunting questions involving nature versus nurture, illness versus identity, and how they all affect parenting in his exhaustive but not exhausting exploration of what happens when children bear little resemblance to their parents. He begins by challenging the very concept of human reproduction. We do not reproduce, he asserts, spawning clones. We produce originals. And if we’re really lucky, our offspring will be enough like us or our immediate forebears that we can easily love, nurture, understand, and respect them. But it’s a crapshoot. More often than not, little junior will be born with a long-dormant recessive gene, or she may emerge from the womb with her very own, brand-new identifier—say, deafness, physical deformity, or homosexuality. Years of interviews with families and their unique children culminate in this compassionate compendium. Solomon focuses on the creative and often desperate ways in which families manage to tear down prejudices and preconceived fears and reassemble their lives around the life of a child who alters their view of the world. Most succeed. Some don’t. But the truth Solomon writes about here is as poignant as it is implacable, and he leaves us with a reinvented notion of identity and individual value. --Donna Chavez

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Apr 21, 2013 Ciara rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: read-in-2013

this book is like 900 pages long, & i was reading it in dribs & drabs in between caring for a newborn baby, so it seriously took me three months to read the whole thing. if you're reading this review, you are probably already familiar with the concept of the book: it's all about horizontal identities--children that differ from their parents in some meaningful way. there are chapters devoted to children with down syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, & dwarfism, transgender kids, children...more this book is like 900 pages long, & i was reading it in dribs & drabs in between caring for a newborn baby, so it seriously took me three months to read the whole thing. if you're reading this review, you are probably already familiar with the concept of the book: it's all about horizontal identities--children that differ from their parents in some meaningful way. there are chapters devoted to children with down syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, & dwarfism, transgender kids, children that commit crimes, children conceived in rape, prodigies, etc. explanations regarding genetics, oppression, politics, treatment, & psychology are interspersed with case reports on real families grappling with whatever issue at hand--& it seems that no two families approach their situations in quite the same way, even if the are experiencing similar issues. it's thought-provoking & eye-opening to read about how different parents tackle the same problems, & how different children relate to their unique difficulties & differences.

i really enjoyed this book--obviously, or i wouldn't have plowed on with it for hundreds & hundreds of pages. it's intellectually rigorous enough to avoid descending into what could be very treacly territory, but the sharing of real people's stories helps to keep things engaging--even compelling. my one quibble was with the author's tendency to occasionally compare his interview subjects with his own experience of being gay. it seems to me that in this day & age, being gay doesn't really hold a candle to the problems some of these people have experienced. particularly for a professional, well-educated, well off middle aged gay man with family support, a partner, & children. but solomon is from a different generation than i am & things have moved very quickly for gay rights...plus i inhabit a subcultural world where being gay just isn't a big deal at all, so my perception is skewed even more.

but that's seriously a really minor complaint in the face of a very interesting, well-written book. food for thought, for sure--particularly for a parent. i am just grateful i read this after my daughter was already born. some of the information about birth defects & birth injuries was way more than i would have been able to deal with while i was still pregnant.(less)

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Apr 10, 2013 Katina rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2013, parenting

This review, which I am hastily typing on my phone, will not do this book justice. It was awesome. The only reason I gave it four instead of 5 stars was its tendency to drive the same point home more than was necessary at times. Other than that, I thought this was a masterpiece.

In this book, Solomon investigates the concept of "horizontal" identity: when children identify in a way that is not the same as their parents. For example, deaf child born to hearing parents. Autistic child born to non-a...more

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Apr 09, 2013 Barry Dank rated it 5 of 5 stars

this book is a tour de force. Anyone interested in the human condition should read this book. As a social psychologist/sociologist I learned a great deal. His material on deaf culture filled in many gaps for me, such was also the case on child prodigies and music. His description of the attraction of gangs in terms of the feelings of intimacy and closeness was impressive.

Throughout the book the reader feels the power of dehumanization, the denial of personhood re the disabled. The dilemmas faced...more

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Apr 08, 2013 Nina rated it 5 of 5 stars

I would have given this book 6 stars if I could. Beautifully, sensitively, and intelligently written. Parents anticipate that their offspring will be like them - but what if they fall far from the tree? The author explores what parents face who bear children with deafness, dwarfism, down syndrome, autistism, schizophrenia, multiple and severe disabilities, prodigial talent,those who are the result of rape, those who become criminals, and those who are transgender and found a great capacity of pa...more

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Apr 04, 2013 Chris rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book is a lot like a roller coaster ride -- at times unbelievably moving and at others a difficult uphill slog. Solomon writes intimately and knowingly about children that have fallen 'Far from the Tree': a chapter each is spent on deaf, dwarfs, down syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, disability, prodigies, children of rape, children that commit serious crime and transgender. At over 700 pages, it is tempting to declare oneself an expert on each of these conditions after reading each chapter...more

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Mar 30, 2013 Kathleen rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book is just OK. It has some wonderful passages and, yes, is a haunting homage to the love of parents for their children (usually). With a lesser writer, this would be a complete disaster. As it is, Andrew Solomon has written something thoughtful and entertaining that's not sufficiently cohesive. It really couldn't be, as the subject is far too broad. He approaches the subject of what it's like to be the parent of a child who is dramatically different from the parent (has a disability, dwar...more

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Mar 26, 2013 Michelle rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: must-buy, non-fiction, favorite-favorite, favorite

SO AMAZING!!! I can't even words!!!
Reading this book is like having a great conversation with a really smart person. Don't be intimidated by its length, the brilliant structure of this book makes it easy to read chapter by chapter, while still achieving a cohesiveness at the end.

This book makes you reexamine your opinions about diversity and disability. How much of a disability caused by its direct physical and mental effects, and how much is caused by society's negative reaction? Does genetic...more SO AMAZING!!! I can't even words!!!
Reading this book is like having a great conversation with a really smart person. Don't be intimidated by its length, the brilliant structure of this book makes it easy to read chapter by chapter, while still achieving a cohesiveness at the end.

This book makes you reexamine your opinions about diversity and disability. How much of a disability caused by its direct physical and mental effects, and how much is caused by society's negative reaction? Does genetic screening imply that a life with a disability is not worth living? From page 29: "Ruth Hubbard... maintains that expectant parents who test for Huntington's because they have a family history of the disease are in a quandary: 'If they decide on an abortion, they are as much as saying that a life lived in the knowledge that one will eventually die of Huntington's disease is not worth living. What does that say about their own life and the lives of their family members who now know that they have the gene for Huntington's disease?'"

Is it selfish, as a mother, to terminate a pregnancy because the child will be born disabled? Or is terminating such a pregnancy recognizing your own limitations as a parent and reducing net suffering in the world?

Is it better to be so mentally disabled that you are unaware you are different?

Is suffering desirable? Does it have any silver linings? Lots of people think suffering makes you a better person, but maybe these people are just struggling to find some sort of purpose to their suffering?

Other thoughts:
- Is Andrew Solomon's favorite word "ameliorate"? Is it just me, or did he use that word a lot? Maybe it's just me?
- Wow, I didn't know Alexander Graham Bell was such a jerk to the Deaf.
- Andrew Solomon is brilliant. He knows how to write.
- Page 289- OLIVER SACKS REFERENCE!!!! YAY!!
- Page 316- "When the Japanese gave methamphetamines to workers to increase productivity during the postwar recovery, they provoked epidemic levels of psychosis..." Me: Okay, who thought that was a good idea????
- Page 472- "We live in an anti-intellectual society in which people of extraordinary achievement are as likely to be considered freaks as to be lauded heroes" Me: So true...
- Page 538- "The three cardinal principles of imprisonment are deterrence, incapacitation, and retribution" Me: You do know everything!! Just like my physics textbook!
- Page 688- "...two things in life look incredibly daunting until you realize that almost everyone does them-- driving and having children."(less)

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Mar 24, 2013 Laurie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

Andrew Solomon, you wrote an amazing book. I cannot think of another book as thorough in making its points, conveying its information. I got this book for the Deaf chapter, and as much as I already knew, it added depth and breadth to my understanding. The Transgender chapter was phenomenal. I had just read Margaret Talbot's article in the New Yorker, About a Boy, and appreciated its info and insight (it was really the first time I completely understood why a transgender person wouldn't be able t...more

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Mar 10, 2013 Ryan Bezerra rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is one of the best books I've ever read, in the top ten certainly. I'll admit that a large part of the reason I liked it so much is that it captures, through what must have been hundreds of interviews, the experience of being a parent of a child with a disability. It is perhaps a little too ambitious in that it ventures beyond disability-based experiences to those involving the parents of children of rape and, especially, of children who have committed crimes. Frankly, I think that the chap...more

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Mar 02, 2013 Alex Templeton rated it 5 of 5 stars

This week, a few days after I finished reading it, I found out that this book won the National Book Critics Circle Award for nonfiction. All I can say in response to this is, duh. I imagine this book will be one of the best works of nonfiction I read this year, if not for the next few years. Solomon writes about parents raising children very different than they are, children with what he terms "horizontal" identities. His chapters discuss schizophrenia, autism, Down Syndrome, criminality, transg...more

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Feb 26, 2013 Margret Leventhal rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: audio-books

Another Audio Book:

Read by the author. Very interesting and far too comprehensive. But worth the insights provided. The book is described below by others:

"In Far from the Tree, Andrew Solomon reminds us that nothing is more powerful in a child's development than the love of a parent. This remarkable new book introduces us to mothers and fathers across America - many in circumstances the rest of us can hardly imagine - who are making their children feel special, no matter what challenges come the...more

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Feb 19, 2013 Scott rated it 5 of 5 stars

Andrew Solomon's last book, The Noonday Demon, was a vast, deep, and brilliant portrait of depression, in which he deftly combined memoir (Solomon suffered for years), medicine (how the malady/disease has been treated through the ages), and, I guess, sociology (how society and culture have dealt with it, across time and around the world). The Noonday Demon came out in 2001, and is one of my all-time nonfiction favorites. Solomon is super smart, thoroughly engaging, an insatiable reporter and res...more Andrew Solomon's last book, The Noonday Demon, was a vast, deep, and brilliant portrait of depression, in which he deftly combined memoir (Solomon suffered for years), medicine (how the malady/disease has been treated through the ages), and, I guess, sociology (how society and culture have dealt with it, across time and around the world). The Noonday Demon came out in 2001, and is one of my all-time nonfiction favorites. Solomon is super smart, thoroughly engaging, an insatiable reporter and researcher, self-deprecating (and even, at times, quite funny), and has an enormous heart. Highly recommend.

All of which is to explain how excited I was about this, his most recent book, a dozen years in the making, Far From the Tree. And, really? Even with sky-high expectations, all of the above apply here as well. I loved reading this, all 700-plus dense pages. In Far From the Tree Solomon explores... well, he explores a million things. But the core theme is the ways in which parents react when they have children who are different from themselves, and/or different from their hopes, fantasies, assumptions. Solomon breaks the book into disabilities / challenges / the horizontal communities into which these children are born (as opposed to their "vertical communities", which would be, for example, if two white parents have a white kid; or two orthodox jews an orthodox jew kid, etc.). So there's a chapter on the deaf, and one on dwarves. He spends time with autistic children, and schizophrenics, and kids with downs syndrome, and those with "multiple severe disabilities." He has a chapter on prodigies (mostly musical), transgenders, and children born of rape, and kids who become criminals. It's all fascinating stuff, usually quite gripping, and, because he gets at each community through the stories of the people who live within them--Solomon spent 10 years interviewing 300 families--Far From the Tree can be harrowing, inspiring, profoundly moving.

But this isn't just a collection of up-close-and-personal profiles, as interesting as they often are. As in the Noonday Demon, Solomon uses this foundation to launch into countless trajectories on the science and medicine behind each "issue", and its cultural history, and, overall, what it all means for how we define a family, a community, humankind as a whole, an individual person. Best of all, Solomon isn't afraid to interject his own feelings, opinions, and personal stories into the narrative. We hear from him throughout, but most of all in the book's opening and closing chapters, the first in which he discusses his own experience as an "exceptional" child, born gay into a straight (and, it turns out, initially intolerant) family; and the last which ends Far Fron the Tree on an extraordinary note, the story of his own decision to have a child with his husband, via a surrogate mother whom they knew, and so were present every step of the way, including, of course, in the birthing room. Amazing stuff, all of it. (less)

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Feb 17, 2013 Glenn Hyman rated it 4 of 5 stars

I read this book fairly quickly for a 700 page book. In that sense it was hard to put down. It is weird to say this, but the book had some similarity to passing an automobile accident and every body slowing down to see what happened. Each of the conditions discussed in the book – things like autism, down syndrome, dwarfism, kids who commit crimes, transgender, etc. – holds a certain fascination, especially seeing how parents dealt with these conditions. And I agree that facing up to these circum...more

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Feb 07, 2013 Jan rated it 5 of 5 stars

Fan-freaking-tastic! This is one of the most fascinating, thought-provoking books I have EVER read. I'm only half-way through, but on page 1, I had to stop and get a pen, and now I have underlining, notes, and comments on at least 2/3 of all pages. The book is about parenting children who are different in some way - they are dwarves, deaf, autistic, have Down Syndrome or schizophrenia, are children born of rape, are prodigies or criminals, etc. The topics alone are endlessly provocative, but the...more

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Feb 02, 2013 Susan rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: just-ok

I was disappointed in this book, but not because it wasn't written or researched well, which it was and is. I deeply loved his previous book, "The Noonday Demon", and was excited to read this. But.....the writer is a gay man, who was moved from his own experience as a young man struggling with his own 'difference' within his family to...write about parenting children with disabilities? Mental illness? Children who had been raped? This odd pairing of being gay with having a disability or being ra...more

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Jan 31, 2013 Carrie Magnan rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book is not for the faint of heart. Notwithstanding its length (about 900 pages), the subject matter can be challenging. The author's premise is that while most children are much like their parents (i.e. "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree"), there are children who fall very far from the tree. The first chapter is devoted to Andrew Solomon discussing (and discussing and discussing) how, as a gay man, he is different from his straight parents. Chapter 2 deals with deaf children born to...more

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Jan 29, 2013 Marissa Morrison rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is a wonderful book, in equal parts because of the interesting subjects (Solomon interviewed more than 300 families) and Solomon's strong writing voice.

The stories here are fascinating--people coming to terms with their children's disabilities and differences (one mother of a dwarf talks of sharing "glad I'm not you" looks with another mother, who has a child with Down syndrome in her arms).

Parents of musical prodigies try to walk the line between allowing the kids to grow their talents a...more

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Jan 13, 2013 Stephanie Patterson rated it 5 of 5 stars

I have been disabled all my life. I have cerebral palsy which means that at this point in my life I walk with two canes. Though my parents sought medical attention for me, eventually they embraced my paternal grandmother's Christian Science faith. I have through the years been considered crippled, handicapped, disabled, differently abled and physically challenged. I am who I am both because of and in spite of my parents.
Andrew Solomon's book is wonderful because he is so open to any possibilit...more I have been disabled all my life. I have cerebral palsy which means that at this point in my life I walk with two canes. Though my parents sought medical attention for me, eventually they embraced my paternal grandmother's Christian Science faith. I have through the years been considered crippled, handicapped, disabled, differently abled and physically challenged. I am who I am both because of and in spite of my parents.
Andrew Solomon's book is wonderful because he is so open to any possibility. He enters so fully into the lives of the people whom he interviews that he helps you understand what their lives are like. All of these families have difficulties but the ones who seem to do best are those who accept (and in some cases) embrace the difference and who say to their children "I love you as you are" and thereby allow their children to accept themselves.(That, alas, sounds like a Hallmark greeting card and Mr. Solomon's book never gets mawkish and his explanations of the difficulties these families face are never facile).
I also loved Mr. Solomon's inclusion of all sorts of differences. He talks about transgendered people, criminals (his interview with Dylan Klebold's mother is very moving) and geniuses. I know a bit more about Joshua Bell's relationship with his mother than I might like, but the chapter was very entertaining.
Mr. Solomon himself is part of this tapestry. He discusses his mother's wish to correct his homosexuality much as she fixed his dyslexia and the teasing he underwent because of he was more interested in opera plots than football plays. As an adult he has married and talks about the feelings he had as he contemplated the possibility of having to raise a disabled child (the child is not disabled and Mr Solomon confesses his relief)
Many the families to whom Mr. Solomon speaks are well off (if they can't find a suitable place for their children to be treated they start one) and I sometimes fear he may be preaching to the choir. Nonetheless, this is a marvelous book and it's wonderfully written. It deserves the widest possible audience.(less)

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Jan 11, 2013 Elizabeth rated it 5 of 5 stars

Andrew Solomon has written an epic book about families who have children who are "different": gay, deaf, dwarfs, down syndrome, autistic, schizophrenic, disabled, prodigies, criminals, transgender, and the product of rape. It might seem this is a grim topic for a huge (700 pages) book, but it is not. It is about coping, learning, triumphing...in most cases. There seems to be no way to celebrate the life of a criminal...and Solomon interviews one of the families of the Columbine shooters...but th...more

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About Andrew Solomon

Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture, and health. He lives in New York and London. He has written for many publications--such as the New York Times, The New Yorker and Artforum--on topics including depression, Soviet artists, the cultural rebirth of Afghanistan, Libyan politics, and deaf culture. He is also a Contributing Writer for Travel and Leisure. In 2008, he was awarded the Humanita...more

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Books by Andrew Solomon

The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression

Oleg Vassiliev: Memory Speaks (Themes and Variations)

The Irony Tower: Soviet Artists in a Time of Glasnost

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“To look deep into your child's eyes and see in him both yourself and something utterly strange, and then to develop a zealous attachment to every aspect of him, is to achieve parenthood's self-regarding, yet unselfish, abandon. It is astonishing how often such mutuality had been realized - how frequently parents who had supposed that they couldn't care for an exceptional child discover that they can. The parental predisposition to love prevails in the most harrowing of circumstances. There is more imagination in the world than one might think.” — 8 people liked it

“Having always imagined myself in a fairly slim minority, I suddenly saw that I was in a vast company. Difference unites us. While each of these experiences can isolate those who are affected, together they compose an aggregate of millions whose struggles connect them profoundly. The exceptional is ubiquitous; to be entirely typical is the rare and lonely state.” — 6 people liked it

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