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She Matters: A Life in Friendships
The New York Times called Susanna Sonnenberg “immensely gifted,” and Vogue, “scrupulously unsentimental.” Entertainment Weekly described Sonnenberg’s Her Last Death as “a bracing memoir about growing up rich and glamorous with a savagely inappropriate mother.” Now, Sonnenberg, with her unflinching eye and uncanny wisdom, has written a compulsively readable book about femal...more
Hardcover, 255 pages
Published
January 8th 2013
by Scribner
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This is a GoodReads First Reads Giveaways review.
Sonnenberg's recollection of friendships she has shared, past and present, is blatantly honest and humorous. She uses vivid colors that saturate her canvas as she paints a picture we probably have all seen before whether we'd like to admit it or not. If you look up the word "friend" in the dictionary, it provides several definitions. Each one perfectly fitting, depending on which friend one may be referring to of course. One defines a "friend" as...more
Sonnenberg's recollection of friendships she has shared, past and present, is blatantly honest and humorous. She uses vivid colors that saturate her canvas as she paints a picture we probably have all seen before whether we'd like to admit it or not. If you look up the word "friend" in the dictionary, it provides several definitions. Each one perfectly fitting, depending on which friend one may be referring to of course. One defines a "friend" as...more
Female friendship can be every bit as complex, intense and rewarding as a marriage. Having had many ups and downs with female friends, I was excited to see Sonnenberg's memoir, which delves into more than a dozen different relationships the author has had with women, in an attempt to unpick some of the themes and needs that bring women together and drive them apart. Certainly, Sonnenberg is well-qualified to write this book. She has had every variety of female friendship: older friends/mentors,...more
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She Matters
A Life in Friendships
Susanna Sonnenberg
(Scribner, $24)
By JENNY SHANK Special Contributor
Published: 11 January 2013 06:44 PM
Susanna Sonnenberg’s 2008 memoir Her Last Death detailed her Manhattan childhood with an extravagant, inappropriate and singularly crazy mother who followed “cocaine-fierce days” with “sluggish comas on the bed.”
She escaped her mother’s orbit, moving to Missoula to marry, work and raise two sons. In She Matters: A Life in Fr...more
She Matters
A Life in Friendships
Susanna Sonnenberg
(Scribner, $24)
By JENNY SHANK Special Contributor
Published: 11 January 2013 06:44 PM
Susanna Sonnenberg’s 2008 memoir Her Last Death detailed her Manhattan childhood with an extravagant, inappropriate and singularly crazy mother who followed “cocaine-fierce days” with “sluggish comas on the bed.”
She escaped her mother’s orbit, moving to Missoula to marry, work and raise two sons. In She Matters: A Life in Fr...more
Though I thought it ended rather abruptly, I truly enjoyed this book by the end. I must admit to being attracted to any story that involves a level of dysfunction. I also found myself fascinated by her ability to break down each friendship and see it for what it truly was/is, with an honesty that I marvel at. I found the very frank moments kind of refreshing and I would be a liar if I said it hadn't got me thinking more about the friends I have had. I am now reflecting on what they meant to me a...more
3 likes · like · see review
In this book, the author addresses various friendships of the past and how they impacted her. It's non linear, which is annoying. She has some interesting observations, but overall, at some point, I started wondering why she no longer was friends with almost all of these people who significantly impacted her life.
I read some about her first novel, about her insane mother (drug addicted, gave the author cocaine at some shockingly young age, taught her to masturbate when she was 8 with a Penthous...more
I read some about her first novel, about her insane mother (drug addicted, gave the author cocaine at some shockingly young age, taught her to masturbate when she was 8 with a Penthous...more
I heard about this book on NPR one day and immediately went home and got it on my Nook. I can't say it was a great book, but it was really a very good book. It actually is not just about friendship, but also about boundaries and personal growth. Susanna Sonnenberg took a good look at herself over the years and delivered these stories with a very honest dialogue about herself. She owns her shortcomings and failures and is completely unapologetic about her faults. I know in my lifetime I've had a...more
this book is a welcome companion to me, as a woman who also has lived through the alternating dance of emotional intimacy and distancing with female friends. sonnenberg's candor about her own baggage (her less-than-successful relationship w her drama queen mother) makes this book earnest and searching. she does not shy away from portraying the messiness of real relationships. each chapter tells the story of her relationship dynamics with one female friend. I liked this format because I could rea...more
Update:
I finished the book so I could participate in book club.
I walk away with a few thoughts:
1) having a maternal role model is very important in a young girl's life; without one, as a girl matures, she makes fruitless attempts at replicating that missing role through failed relationships;
2) I am forever grateful that my mother was (and still is) an incredible role model for me and my sister;
3) I will strive to be a role model for my daughters and count my blessings that my daughters also ha...more
I finished the book so I could participate in book club.
I walk away with a few thoughts:
1) having a maternal role model is very important in a young girl's life; without one, as a girl matures, she makes fruitless attempts at replicating that missing role through failed relationships;
2) I am forever grateful that my mother was (and still is) an incredible role model for me and my sister;
3) I will strive to be a role model for my daughters and count my blessings that my daughters also ha...more
Parts of this book were amazing, and parts had me rolling my eyes. I felt that Sonnenberg came from a privileged background, and because of this had a hard time relating to an average reader of this book. Almost every time she talked about her previous successes and jealousy of a friend's child, I rolled my eyes and skimmed the rest of the story. However, certain stories really spoke to me, especially about women behavior in general. I enjoyed the story about her visiting her friend's family, an...more
A moving and honest account of Sonnenberg's female friendships. What bothered me while I was reading (and usually bothers me when I read memoirs) is what the people she was writing about thought! I feel like she's going to end up with even fewer friends now that she's written this book! But she did say she had changed names and details...maybe I'm just clueless about the memoir genre or too sensitive to people's feelings.
But back to the book, it's a good one and it explores all the feelings, bo...more
But back to the book, it's a good one and it explores all the feelings, bo...more
I don't think I've ever read a book that so thoroughly examines the nuances of friendships between women. Susanna puts her relationships under a microscope and the results are fascinating. But I'm a person who also puts all her relationships under a microscope. I can see some people being bored by such close scrutiny of 20 relationships. Not I. I love reading how each relationship affected the author. But the book is more about friendship. It's also about self awareness. The three sections are e...more
I chose to read this book because my own friends are a lifeline for me and have been my whole life. At first I didn't like the author or how her friendships ended. She seemed self absorbed and not a very good friend. I thought my friendships never were like that! But then I realized how honest she was being and it made me think of all my friends through the years and, if I'm honest, I let some go in not very friendly ways.
It also reinforced how much I love all the friends I have, particularly n...more
It also reinforced how much I love all the friends I have, particularly n...more
I started this book full of anticipation but this was quickly dissipated by reading one after another vignette of female friendships the author had that didn't last--such a downer! The book is divided into three parts so one can see how her friendship knowledge grew over time, but although she's a fine writer--what kept me reading the book--the stories are mostly sad ones and puzzling in many respects (e.g., when she invited a friend over for dinner and the friend ate none of her carefully prepa...more
I really enjoyed this book, mainly because I have often tried to find books about female friendship, and there are very few books out there about this subject. I think my only criticism of this book is that it is mostly about friendships which failed or faded away. With a lot of the friendships, there seemed to be a pattern- the honeymoon period and then an inevitable time where the friendship soured. I might have enjoyed it a bit more if it had also been about some long standing friendships whi...more
I tried to separate the writing from the writer. After reading her first memoir, I wanted to like both.
The writing depended on a lifetime of failed friendships, and ultimately, the writing failed because the writer relied on the stories writing themselves.
I didn't finish the book because I lost interest.
I rolled my eyes a lot and felt that her narcissism got in the way of any real growth, in both the writing and her own development.
I kept thinking she would be happier and better off with a wo...more
The writing depended on a lifetime of failed friendships, and ultimately, the writing failed because the writer relied on the stories writing themselves.
I didn't finish the book because I lost interest.
I rolled my eyes a lot and felt that her narcissism got in the way of any real growth, in both the writing and her own development.
I kept thinking she would be happier and better off with a wo...more
Sonnenberg’s recollection of friendships she has shared, past and present, is blatantly honest and humorous. She uses vivid colors that saturate her canvas as she paints a picture we probably have all seen before whether we’d like to admit it or not. If you look up the word “friend” in the dictionary, it provides several definitions. Each one perfectly fitting, depending on which friend one may be referring to of course. One defines a “friend” as a member of the same nation or party. Now, perso...more
This is the truest account of friendships between women that I have ever read. Susanna can write about anything and I'll just swoon over her poetic voice but this book exemplifies what it's really like to be a woman looking for kinship in this generation. She has a plethora of people who come into her life at various points and she recounts with great detail the occasions that brought them together, what kept them afloat and then more often than not what broke them up. Some of it is sad, some tr...more
I rated this high for the writing. She has a great way with description, with combining word pictures that make the idea she is trying to convey come alive. The topic, friendships, is explored from an almost totally egocentric perspective. Sonnenberg is forever trying to figure out why her friends don't seem to get her, why they don't fulfil all her needs. This book does show she is trying to understand and to change but for me it was quite clear she was looking for a mother. Read this in stages...more
Hmmm. Still not sure what I think of this one. She's a very skilled writer, and I bet she would write some phenomenal fiction. It's tough to read some of the chapters, where she and her friends crash and burn. I think I learned more about women's friendships from this book than from any of the more instructional-type friendship books I've read in the past years, which is funny since this isn't meant to be instructional! The author's childhood seems so sad to me, and that's hard to get around. It...more
I found this book very absorbing. Like the author, I seek and need friendships with other women. She writes about people who were friends at different times in her life, for different reasons - and friends who let her down as well as friends she let down. Her personal perspective includes the fact that she had a terrible mother; the friends she chose had much to do with that. Since finishing the book I've been thinking about my own friendships a lot - why I bonded with certain people and not oth...more
This is incredibly raw, a completely honest telling of her experiences and I am awed by how much she bares her soul. A fascinating insight into her friendships but with so many parallels to my own experiences & highly likely most women's.
At times quite sad to read the stories of lost friends, makes you recall similar experiences in your own life which is not the most pleasant way to spend time. But it does lend itself to possible insights that could be helpful. It may even offer the possibi...more
At times quite sad to read the stories of lost friends, makes you recall similar experiences in your own life which is not the most pleasant way to spend time. But it does lend itself to possible insights that could be helpful. It may even offer the possibi...more
I applaud anyone who can write with such honesty and vulnerability, so bravo to the author for that. However, overall I found this book to be exhausting - partly from the disjointed, non-liner organization, and partly from reading about all of these intense relationships, many of which suffered abrupt endings, seemingly without any resolution or serious introspection. Because it was about her dysfunctional "friendships" with few overarching themes or lessons, I very rarely found myself nodding w...more
Mar 31, 2013
Stacey
added it
Like she expects of her readers, Susanna Sonnenberg siphons the life force of both friends and professionals in pursuit of a pseudo maternal figure. Ironically failing to realize that a mothers role is not to enable and infantize her adult child, but to teach her to develop integrity; taking responsibility for her decisions and apologizing when she has wronged someone. Susanna fails in friendship and motherhood equally, mistaking materialism as the measure of success. She demands the reader to e...more
3.o out of 5 stars - This memoir about female friendships was not exactly what I had expected, it was the author describing the ups and downs with her own friends throughout her life, and not a study of female friendships in general. Each chapter basically dealt with a different woman and how the author met and interacted with her. I was particularly annoyed by a couple of instances where the author and a friend were having intimate disclosures and the friend told a secret which was not shared a...more
One of the earliest stories in this searing volume recalls the weekend when author Susanna Sonnenberg’s mother visits her in college, meets her roommate Amy, and sets out to discover her secrets. She succeeds. After Amy confesses she and her boyfriend are having sex, Sonnenberg’s mother plans a birth-control expedition to Planned Parenthood with the girls. Amy is impressed—until her own parents appear a few hours later and Sonnenberg’s mother, “enjoying her dorm-room dominion, reassure[s] them t...more
This is a beautiful look at how women are friends. Susanna Sonnenberg is strikingly honest and the writing is beautiful. I found myself remembering old friends that had been long forgotten as I read through the snapshots of her relationships with various women throughout her life. I liked that not every detail was explained, that she didn't try to reason out why her friends behaved a certain way. You just saw her side and she didn't try to give you others'. If you treasure the women in your lif...more
This was a somewhat up-and-down examination of one woman's life through friendships. Some of what she said about friendships rang true, such as the dance women go through when renewing old acquaintances. The writing is quite elaborate and evocative. However, most of her friendships are worlds apart from mine and I felt that she was somewhat narcissistic, though to her credit, she tries to recognize that and turn that same open gaze on herself as well as her friends who failed to meet the need.
Maybe if I read it again and kept a list of all the characters while I was reading, I wouldn't have been so lost. So many names and people to remember! I got the premise of the book. Yes, Sonnenberg is a good writer but her thoughts seemed all over the place. There was a central theme of course... A Life in Friendships but where was the organization? Her "friends" weren't in any chronological order to make it easier to follow and when she referred to the same people pages later, in most cases th...more
Susanna's life seems to be very liberal and she lives that with her friends. I was put off by that, I will admit, but this was so excellently written that I could not help but give the book three and a half stars.
Susanna Sonnenberg explores the friendships of her life. Through this book she shows just how deeply each person meant to her and what she got out of the relationship. Each friendship is a discovery into what makes her Susanna. Is each friendship as important as she makes it out to be?...more
Susanna Sonnenberg explores the friendships of her life. Through this book she shows just how deeply each person meant to her and what she got out of the relationship. Each friendship is a discovery into what makes her Susanna. Is each friendship as important as she makes it out to be?...more
I loved Sonnenberg's first book, an account of growing up with a troubled and abusive mother. And while I enjoyed this book at first, I eventually put it down out of sheer exhaustion. The author is like a blood-sucker, needy and selfish, wanting more from her friends, while refusing to give anything in return - I was so sick of her! No wonder all her friends leave her, she's like a carbon copy of her crazy mom!
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“I might have asked, figured her out, led her to open up. I was good at that. But I didn't inquire, a punishment. I didn't let anger go, habit from the dangerous family I'd left behind, from being leery of women. I was good at that, too, the guarded disappointment.”
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“My mother's perpetual now, tempting me with possibility. Weren't we silly, she might say? What was the matter with us? Let's be close again. My doomed and complicated longing surged, and I had to hang up. The two of us had no now. Our furious fires had burned everything to the ground. As I'd grown, each time I brought my mother in, called for her, or let her advise my course, I was ruptured.”
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1 person liked it
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Mar 28, 2013 10:01am