Choice: True Stories of Birth, Contraception, Infertility, Adoption, Single Parenthood, and Abortion

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Choice: True Stories of Birth, Contraception, Infertility, Adoption, Single Parenthood, and Abortion

by Karen E. Bender (Editor/Contributor), Nina de Gramont (Goodreads Author) (Editor/Contributor), Pam Houston (Goodreads Author) (Contributor), Valina Hasu Houston (Contributor), Kate Maloy (Contributor), Deborah E. McDowell (Contributor), Sarah Messer (Contributor), Jacquelyn Mitchard (Contributor) , more…

4.09 of 5 stars 4.09 · rating details · 206 ratings · 47 reviews

A moving collection of personal essays about the real, human experiences behind the highly politicized issue of reproductive choice.

At a time when a woman’s most complex decisions have been reduced to political rhetoric and impersonal theory, and political debate has been hijacked by pundits and name-callers, Choice joins the discourse with an assortment of candid voices i...more

Hardcover, 349 pages

Published November 20th 2007 by MacAdam Cage (first published October 19th 2007)

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Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein

White as the Driven Snow

397th out of 559 books — 131 voters

When Abortion Was a Crime by Leslie J. Reagan

Pro-Choice Literature

4th out of 8 books — 3 voters

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Mar 26, 2008 Inder rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: women, politics, personalessays, read-2008

Been thinking - this is SUCH a good collection of personal essays, just super.

BUT, the last essay, an analysis of the reasoning of Roe v. Wade, bugged me a little, and is bugging me more and more as I consider it. I feel that I have a duty, as a pro-choice lawyer-type, to say that Roe v. Wade may have been quite beautifully written, but there are some major logical problems with the case. Thus, it should not be held up as an example of amazing legal logic, and this essay describes it in far too...more Been thinking - this is SUCH a good collection of personal essays, just super.

BUT, the last essay, an analysis of the reasoning of Roe v. Wade, bugged me a little, and is bugging me more and more as I consider it. I feel that I have a duty, as a pro-choice lawyer-type, to say that Roe v. Wade may have been quite beautifully written, but there are some major logical problems with the case. Thus, it should not be held up as an example of amazing legal logic, and this essay describes it in far too romantic a light. Frankly, when I finally read it in law school, I was very disappointed to find out how frail the legal basis of "choice" is in the U.S.

For fellow legal buffs out there, here's my opinion (sure to invite some comment!): Roe v. Wade should have been decided on equal protection grounds. Without a modicum of reproductive choice, women are not equal to men in the workplace or anywhere else. You can argue about what a "modicum" is, but it's hard to argue with the fact that societies without birth control are societies where women stay at home and have few other options.

More importantly, the constitutional right to equal protection is fairly robust (at least it's SORT OF mentioned in the actual constitution), whereas the right to substantive due process is unenumerated, amorphous, and thus, inherently weak.

So: Watch out women, a clever Supreme Court will have few logical problems in overturning the reasoning of Roe v. Wade. Be very afraid.

And don't take that last essay too seriously. In fact, just skip it. It's not that interesting anyway. The book would have been better off without that foray out of the more personal into the legal, anyway.

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Yep, it's just as good as I thought. Gripping, painful, true, and in the end, oddly uplifting. Just don't read this one on an empty stomach.

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I know, I am "currently reading" about ten books. It's a bit much. But anyway, I picked this up, and so far it's just devastating. Difficult, uncomfortable, relevant, poignant, TRUE, and downright painful at times. Seriously squirmy but well worth the discomfort.(less)

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Sep 16, 2007 Rachel rated it 4 of 5 stars

In A Normal Woman, Kate Malloy shares her excruciating decision to terminate her 18-week pregnancy after tests reveal a fetus with a rare chromosomal abnormality. "It was not an arrogant but an agonizing choice," she writes, "not the right thing to do, but the less wrong." This truism is applied to many of the decisions unveiled in the book Choice, as several of the contributor's solutions are about picking the lesser two evils—giving a child up for adoption/parents refusing to acknowledge it's...more

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Jan 23, 2013 Erika RS rated it 3 of 5 stars

Finished Choice: True Stories of Birth, Contraception, Infertility, Adoption, Single Parenthood, and Abortion. This is a collection of essays edited by Bender and de Gramont. Like most collections of essays, some are spectacular and some are just okay, hence, the 3 out of 5 rating.

I believe that this book should be read by anyone who cares about reproductive rights and politics, whether they are "pro-choice" or "pro-life". The most important lessons I learned from these essays are these: "choice...more Finished Choice: True Stories of Birth, Contraception, Infertility, Adoption, Single Parenthood, and Abortion. This is a collection of essays edited by Bender and de Gramont. Like most collections of essays, some are spectacular and some are just okay, hence, the 3 out of 5 rating.

I believe that this book should be read by anyone who cares about reproductive rights and politics, whether they are "pro-choice" or "pro-life". The most important lessons I learned from these essays are these: "choice" is about a lot more than choosing between getting an abortion or carrying a child to term, and reproductive choices are rarely made flippantly or "just for convenience". If nothing else, this book taught me that anyone who thinks that the issue of choice is easy and clearcut is unlikely to have read the stories of real women who have had to make reproductive choices. Abortion is not easy but neither is giving a child up for adoption or keeping it. Fertility treatments are expensive and emotionally exhausting. Being or using a surrogate mother has a social stigma that can ruin lives. And sometimes the choice to adopt is made possible only because some other woman was denied the chance to keep a child she wanted to love.

This is best illustrated with passages from some of the essays that affected me the most.

From "The Ballad of Bobbie Jo" by Jacquelyn Mitchard, discussing the woman who had chosen to be a surrogate mother for the author of the essay,

She carried out son, Atticus — conceived through in vitro fertilization at a clinic in our home state — to a healthy, full-term birth. She endured stinging criticism from friends and strangers, a cesarean birth, and a brutal legal judgment to proudly fulfill all her obligations to us — although fulfilling all her obligations to us cost her everything she thought was real and brought down criticism on all our heads.

Bobbie Jo chose to be a surrogate mother. When her husband, who had initially agreed, changed his mind part way through the pregnancy, he convinced the judge in their small southern town that Bobbie Jo was not fit to take care of her own two children.

From "If" by Susan Ito, the story of a mother who was forced to choose between her own life and that of her desperately wanted child,

"Baby needs at least two more weeks for viability. He's already too small, way too small. But you…" He looked at me sadly, shook his head. "You probably can't survive two weeks without having a stroke, seizures, worse." He meant I could die.

…

I signed the papers of consent, my hand moving numbly across the paper, my mind screaming, I do not consent. I do not, I do not.

In the evening, Weiss's associate entered with a tray, a syringe, and a nurse with mournful eyes.

"It's just going to be a be a sting," he said.

And it was: a small tingle, quick pricking bubbles under my navel and then a thing like a tiny drinking straw that went in and out with a barely audible pop. It was so fast. I thought, I love you, I love you, you must be hearing this, please hear me.

From "BEARING SORROW: A Birthmother's Reflections on Choice" by Janet Mason Ellerby, Ellerby was a pregnant teenager in the 60s. She was forced to give up her child for adoption, and this scarred her for life. This is just after she found out she was pregnant.

My body was not my own; perhaps it never had been. When it had escaped my parents control, Alec had immediately taken it up, and when he had abandoned it, a baby had claimed it. It may sound as if I am unwilling to take responsibility for my actions, but in fact, I did not completely understand that my body was my own dominion, that I could say what did and did not happen to it. In significant ways, women were not led to believe that they owned their bodies — the state, their husbands, or their fathers did. I willingly handed my body and my future back to my parents. Their money and authority took over, and I surrendered all bids at self-control I would not be allowed to make another decision for a long, long time.

I could go on. But the gist of all the essays is this: Reproduction and building a family is complicated, and the choices involved are not the clearcut, black and white, simple choices that advocates on both sides of the "choice" debate want you to think they are. Although we can debate which choices should be legal, what is certain is this: women need the freedom to make choices and the knowledge and support that will allow them to make the choices that are right for them.(less)

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Aug 03, 2012 Ciara rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: baby-pregnancy-infertility-parentin, feminist-y-books, read-in-2012

why the hell am i giving this book four stars when i remember almost nothing about it? i don't know. i know that it's a collection of essays about reproductive choice, & unlike a lot of collections on this topic, it's not just abortion abortion abortion all the time. not that there's anything wrong with a nice abortion anthology. i like reading about abortion. but i picked this book up when i was looking for personal essays about infertility, & luckily, there were some. (not a lot though...more

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Dec 20, 2012 Sarah rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir-biography, nonfiction, culture-discourse

For most of my life, I have been scared of pregnancy. Let me be clear. This was not a remote, passing worry, but a fear that I can only describe as borderline phobic. I was raised by an incredibly strong and loving single mother who engrained in me the idea that education, stability, and personal wellbeing were paramount to everything else. Having children was something to be considered only later in life when all other accomplishments had been achieved and my loving, committed (preferably male)...more For most of my life, I have been scared of pregnancy. Let me be clear. This was not a remote, passing worry, but a fear that I can only describe as borderline phobic. I was raised by an incredibly strong and loving single mother who engrained in me the idea that education, stability, and personal wellbeing were paramount to everything else. Having children was something to be considered only later in life when all other accomplishments had been achieved and my loving, committed (preferably male) partner and I had decided that we had nothing left to do but start a family. This, combined with a pretty traumatic adolescent relationship that left me feeling utterly disconnected from my body, prompted an obsessive, militaristic monitoring of my birth control.

As I’ve grown, though, and experienced both the chaos and beauty of life, I’ve developed an odd sense of calmness when I think about the possibility of pregnancy. The calmness even persists (shockingly enough) when I think about the possibility of unplanned pregnancy. Part of this stems from normal human development; the fact that my body and mind have become my own again and that, simply by the passing of time, I am infinitely more prepared to have children now than I was 10 years ago.

The other (and more important) component of my calmness stems from the simple fact that I have options available to me. I am privileged in that I live in a society (at least for the time being) that gives me control over decisions made about my body. Thank goodness, hallelujah, I have choices.

If I get sick when I’m pregnant and my health is in jeopardy, I can choose to save myself. If I am not in a committed relationship but feel ready and willing to adopt the stigmatized life of a single parent, I can unapologetically choose to carry and birth my child. And if I feel that it’s not the right time; that my education, my stability, and my own personal wellbeing would be threatened should I accept the enormous responsibility of a child, I can choose to wait. Not lightly or callously, but that is a choice I can make for myself.

This book contains the powerful stories of women who have made choices. They’ve made choices that are joyous and celebratory; they’ve made choices that are devastating, controversial, and fundamentally necessary. Some are haunted, others are relieved. But, however different the stories may be, there is one true cause for celebration that runs through them all: ultimately, the choice is theirs to make.

Human existence is complex and a thousand shades of grey. There is no conceivable way to develop one-size-fits-all legislation about our bodies, despite the best efforts of a particularly vocal group of overzealous policymakers and “pro-life” supporters. Women have the right to decide for themselves how, when, and if they create life. And whether they choose life, the postponement of life, or no life at all, we must vigilantly preserve their right to choose for themselves.

Props to the brave editors and essayists who compiled this beautiful bible of choice.
(less)

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Oct 13, 2012 Lindsay rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: feminism-etc, non-fiction

This book was amazing. The part that resonated with me the most was actually the introduction though, particularly this: “when a pregnancy is unplanned, any subsequent choice is bound to be complicated”. While the term 'Choice' generally invokes the idea of one's views on abortion, what Bender and the other authors point out is that whatever a woman decides to do, the choice she makes isn't going to be one that she takes lightly. What is important is that she HAS a choice.

This book comes from a...more

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Nov 27, 2007 Elizabeth rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: anyone in the gray spaces between black and white

Shelves: non-fiction-anthology

I enjoyed this book. Lots of different women in lots of different places in their lives. Women who wanted a baby since they were small. Women who didn't want a baby at all. Women who wanted a baby but not *now*....women who want one but don't have one. Real women, not theoretical ones, with real stories.

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Jul 13, 2010 Clare rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is an incredible collection of essays, all written by wildly different women with a vast array of experiences and yet there is a single voice that comes out of all the stories. A voice that not just asks but demands choice and help and hope when it comes to women's bodies and their lives. The raw honesty and emotional depth with which each woman tackled her story, her experience, her choices (or lack of) is astounding as is the humor and wit that is constant alongside of the horror and grie...more

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Mar 27, 2011 Eva Leger rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: b-non-fiction, essays-diaries-stories-letters, miscarriage-stillbirth-abortion-chi

I'm pro-life. I'm not anti-abortion or anti-choice as some people like to say. What I'm against is using aborition as a form of birth control. What I'm against is murder because one doesn't want to take responsibility. Do I have the answer for what to do if aborition was made illegal? Surely not. Do you? I wish I did. But I do know, for myself, that the needless murdering of countless babies is insane. My own little survey that I did was a poll. I personally - not through rumors mind you, person...more I'm pro-life. I'm not anti-abortion or anti-choice as some people like to say. What I'm against is using aborition as a form of birth control. What I'm against is murder because one doesn't want to take responsibility. Do I have the answer for what to do if aborition was made illegal? Surely not. Do you? I wish I did. But I do know, for myself, that the needless murdering of countless babies is insane. My own little survey that I did was a poll. I personally - not through rumors mind you, personally - know of 12 abortions close to me. (Close as in either family or direct friends, no second hand stories.) 12. Twelve babies. Not one of them - not one of those abortions was done because of a rape, because of incest, because of an incompatibility with life on the part of the baby or a healthy risk for the mother. Not one of them. 10 people, 12 abortions. (One could go so far as to call them murders.) The reasons I just stated are the main reasons pro-choicers scream out as to why abortion should be legal. I'd like to see a larger scale poll done on how many actual abortions are for "birth control" versus the reasons above. But then, I already know the approximate answer don't I?
Some people very close to me have had one (or more) and I'm still close to them. I hate the act, I hate what they did, but I don't hate them. This book brought out very strong feelings for me and most, if not all, of those will be shared here.
From here on out this will go according to page, where I noted what I wanted to say, something worth looking at again, etc.
This was published in 2007 and on pg. 1 we find the information that S. Dakota was/is proposing a law to ban all abortions. (Note to self: look into this and possibly think about moving.) The authors call this "draconian". What is the pointless murdering of babies called in their opinion?
I was going to - step-by-step- answer everything I thought needed to be answered from reading this book. But I can't. I don't have the time, I don't have the desire and quite frankly, I don't believe it'd do a damn bit of good.
I will say this, this book is nothing but what every pro-choicer shouts out, just in written form. It's done under a guise here and this is for the ones with little to no brains out there but that's about the extent of it.
It's a book mostly filled with women who say one thing and do another. Women who can't - or won't - take responsibility for their actions. Women who scream about rights yet take not only the rights but the life away from an unborn child. In some cases that's plural. I could go on but I won't.
I'd like to know when these rights start. When exactly do we get those? Obviously not conception, I think we've proved that. Late-term abortions have proved that rights don't begin later in the pregnanct. At birth? 10? 18 or 21? When exactly? What is conception actually? How anyone can look at conception and call it something other than what it is - especially a parent - is mind-boggling to me.
To me, rights start at conception. Life starts at conception. Taking away the life - and the rights - of an unborn child is draconian.
Women today are a vile bunch. We want to have sex whenever we want, our orgasms are our right! So what is a pregnancy ensues? Who cares? Morning after pills, a multitude of other ways to get rid of the baby, etc. A pregnancy isn't a consequence anymore, it's slightly more than a bother.
I don't know about anyone else and I certainly don't mean to imply I'm a saint because I'm certainly not but here's the thing. I'm single. I'm a Mother to a five-year old little girl. I'm not ready to have a baby right now at this point in my life. So guess what? I'm not having sex. That, my friends, is the difference between being responsible and not. I like sex, it's fairly important to me looking at the big picture. But not all-important. Some things matter more to me than an orgasm.
How are we supposed to lower the number of abortions when it's looked at as little more than a regular doctors appointment? Abortion(s) is/are almost - sometimes is/are - a badge of honor in America today with young girls. How is this the country we strive to be?
If I knew one person - just one - who had an abortion for one of the reasons the pro-choicers shout about I may be able to feel slightly different about some aspects of this. But I don't. And I doubt I ever will. Because that number is so small it's almost negligible.
What's not is that abortion is the new birth control. Don't abandon or murder your child once he or she takes a breath but hey, do it before that and you're home free. :( (less)

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Mar 09, 2010 Heather rated it 4 of 5 stars

Suddenly I am reminded of how much I love to read memoir and personal narrative writing! While very emotional, I enjoy it.

Like the title suggests, there is a huge range of stories in this compilation. The first story starts with surrogacy, which even after considering the range of experience this book might cover, I hadn't expected to find- which was naive of me.

The stories that pulled most at me were the ones without choice: the stories of 16 year olds who got pregnant in the 60s and were never...more

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Oct 24, 2011 Haley rated it 4 of 5 stars

Many women explain their various decisions (word choice important) about their reproductive lives in this collection of essays. They are, despite the title, not all about abortion (although I'd wager a guess that the word at least appears in each one), but instead cover a wide range of situations a woman can find herself in (egg donation, miscarriage, international adoption, unwanted pregnancies brought to term, forced adoption, prenatal diagnosis of disease etc). I liked some more than others,...more

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Jun 15, 2008 Mary rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: new moms, people set in their opinions regarding reproductive issues, and basically everyone else

Shelves: gender

To be perfectly honest (and still sound overly-enthusiastic), I don't know that I've ever read a better collection of essays on *any* topic than Choice. These stories take a topic intently assigned to the intellect and bring it back to the heart, reminding the reader that the personal, while political, is also simply personal. "Reproductive rights" is no euphemism in this book; it covers the gambit (as the subtitle explains) of reproductive issues, and does so with amazingly consistent, compelli...more

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Oct 07, 2008 Cheri rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: everyone - a must read for men and women across the aisles

A thoughtful collection of personal essays written by women on the topic of personal choice and reproduction. Moving, their stories span decades and explore everything from giving up a child for adoption to infertility to abortion, both legal and illegal.

These are not simple, one-sided didactic essays; the different voices tell of loss, confusion and struggle in honest and heart-felt ways. Each essay is unique as each woman explores her personal relationship to reproduction and fertility - it i...more

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Jul 28, 2011 Sarah rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: anthology, memoir, nonfiction, politics, queer

Exceptional anthology, looking at reproductive freedom with fresh comprehensiveness. A joy to read. Recommended for everyone, no matter what your knowledge or opinion on abortion, adoption, miscarriage, contraception, and the necessity of making your own choice.

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Apr 12, 2011 Mandy Faust rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: read-in-2011

This book contains a series of essays on women and reproductive choice. Very interesting although there are some heart-wrenching stories in here. The book really highlights the realization that it's easy to say what you would do until you are in a particular situation!

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Sep 19, 2012 Emelda rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: feminism, reproductive-justice

While I would have rated this lowly because I personally wasn't impressed with many of the essays- plus, aesthetically, the book could have looked nicer- I think this is a great book for someone beginning their journey on reproductive rights issues. It hits on abortion, parenting, adoption, miscarriage (some of those voluntary, some forced) and a few essays touch upon class, race, etc.

I skipped the last essay because I can't stand when privileged feminists wax poetic about how beautiful the lan...more

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Jun 10, 2009 Laura Cococcia rated it 4 of 5 stars

Definitely thought provoking and learned more than I thought I did, basically because the personal element of the stories was so revealing. You can read my full review at: http://www.laurareviews.net/2009/06/c...

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Aug 06, 2012 Ann rated it 4 of 5 stars

Read for book club, for a meeting that was monitored and recorded by a researcher at UCSF that is tracking book clubs' responses to these essays.

The stories delivered exactly what the title promised. They were at turns heartbreaking, touching and tear-inducing, aside from one story that fell into bragadocio about the author's awesome kid and another that was obviously written by someone who is such a hot mess that I couldn't take the writing too seriously.

They left me thankful that women still...more

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May 29, 2013 Alicia rated it 5 of 5 stars

Very diverse collection of extremely personal stories. Some were funny, some were sad, and some were difficult to read... I really enjoyed this book.

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Jun 10, 2009 halliepay rated it 4 of 5 stars

A re-read. Another collection of essays that may seem heavy. But the personal nature of the essays helps to make connection with the topic.

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Sep 23, 2008 Lea rated it 4 of 5 stars

Some of the stories were very difficult to read due to the graphic & honest nature of the book. Some were completely heart-wrenching and some had my stomach in knots. Having gone through a very difficult year of infertility, I related to most of the infertility stories. And now heading down the adoption road and seeing life from a different perspective, I related to the adoption stories as well. The abortion stories were hard to stomach but I'm the type of person who wants to know what it's...more

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Sep 13, 2010 Kimberly rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A must read for those who want to be mothers, are mothers, will be mothers or want to know what choices may lay ahead.

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Jan 18, 2013 vonhorst rated it 5 of 5 stars

Such an important anthology. A must read for everyone wanting to talk about reproductive rights.

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Jan 12, 2012 Caro Buchheim rated it 5 of 5 stars

great collection of first person essays on stuff we all too rarely talk about.

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Jan 05, 2009 Laura rated it 4 of 5 stars

This is a great essay collection -- very well edited.

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Aug 09, 2012 Alex rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2012-reads, women-authors, 2009-reads, nonfiction, womens-studies, browsing

A comprehensive collection of personal essays about, in the words of Roe V Wade, "the raw edges of human existence." The variety of opinions is impressive, but the conundrum of collections like this is that they are always entirely from the perspective of middle class educated women.

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Jul 25, 2008 Kirsten Reburn rated it 2 of 5 stars

Gives you a different perspectives on the issue of choice. Some of the essays can be pretty graphic in nature, so if you have strong oppositions to abortion, don't read this is could be fairly upsetting and disturbing. Got it because I thought it would deal with all of the aspects equally, not really, more to do with abortion. Some of the essays about adoption and infertility were could be helpful if you've been through it.

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Jan 12, 2008 Kirsten rated it 3 of 5 stars

I read this for the newly created Planned Parenthood book club and, honestly, I was expecting a rather generic overview of issues in reproduction, sort of an introductory look. But although a few of the essays read like they could appear in Good Housekeeping magazine, overall I was moved and, in many cases, educated by women's stories of abortion, adoption, infertility, and making choices about if and when to have children.

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Jan 09, 2008 Charles rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: just about anyone

This is an honest and thoughtful book. It's raw. All the authors are pro-choice, but they didn't write as fanatics who are free of doubt and full of self-righteousness. It got me thinking in ways I hadn't before, particularly about adoption. I might have scored it higher if the editors had chosen to include even one male author, but in spite of that, I would recommend it to just about anyone.

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Feb 29, 2008 Laurie rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is one of the most affecting and powerful books I have read in a while. It is a collection of essays on women's reproductive choices. The honesty in these stories is amazing, and I really couldn't put this book down. I don't often come across a collection of essays that can be called a page-turner, but this book was.

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