Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman

Feb 17, 2012 Steven Gaskin rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

There's a lot to filter out in this book - specifically, the author's lack of objectivity, considering that she appears to live in a manner to which most people do not have the financial means to aspire - but the core ideas she's captured from her experiences in Paris are very useful for parents struggling to raise their children with discipline and manners without resorting to shouting. I was looking for some tools to communicate with and educate my son, as at 3 and a half, he's becoming increa...more

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Sep 22, 2012 Charles rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

The basis of the book has been recounted, but is worth retelling. An American author finds herself in Paris because of her husband's job. As she emphasizes, she is American; she does not live in France because of francophilia; she does not imagine that she will stay or live in France.

But... When she had her daughter in France, she was struck -- repeatedly, and at many levels -- at the difference between French and American children. Differences in how they behave, interact with children and adul...more The basis of the book has been recounted, but is worth retelling. An American author finds herself in Paris because of her husband's job. As she emphasizes, she is American; she does not live in France because of francophilia; she does not imagine that she will stay or live in France.

But... When she had her daughter in France, she was struck -- repeatedly, and at many levels -- at the difference between French and American children. Differences in how they behave, interact with children and adults, how they play with toys.... She notes (as have I) that when she walked into the home of Americans, the house was chaotic, toys asunder, children whining, eating whatever and whenever; the mothers were harried, dressed slovenly; parents stressed and distant. None of this was true among French families with small children. Their play was quiet and creative, toys were few and neat, interactions (especially with adults) were polite, they ate what their parents ate and when they ate it; the French women were neatly dressed, quickly obtaining their desired weight and size, maquillage applied. French couples went out, and seemed closer than before children.

And this doesn't even include the differences in sleeping (through the night); early and successful toileting. That French PRE-school kids have a three course meal, cooked on site, every day (that includes le frommage but no dessert). That they don't snack between meals but we Americans do.

Why the differences? Well, there are many reasons, which the author attempts to divine.

Some have complained that the author's comments are observational, not scientific. True. But that makes her observations and comments no less valid; or, even, less true.

I will say this: I do not think that there will be a single open minded mother that will not be affected by this book. I will even say this: I do not think that there will be a single open minded mother who will not do something different in raising a child after reading this book. That is strong praise, indeed. For those raising, contemplating raising, or having raised a child, I recommend this book. No: not recommend. They should read this book. Really. It's that interesting, provocative, and instructive.(less)

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Jun 11, 2012 Diana Holquist rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

The fetishization of the French (or the Chinese or whatever the 'hot' culture of the moment is) bugs me, to no end. I think that when you're a stranger in a strange land, like Druckerman was, you end up putting a great deal of emphasis on fitting in and behaving to the detriment of what's truly important. Druckerman admits toward the end of the book, as her daughter becomes more and more "French," that she's a bit disturbed and unsettled and not all that pleased by the results of her own "French...more The fetishization of the French (or the Chinese or whatever the 'hot' culture of the moment is) bugs me, to no end. I think that when you're a stranger in a strange land, like Druckerman was, you end up putting a great deal of emphasis on fitting in and behaving to the detriment of what's truly important. Druckerman admits toward the end of the book, as her daughter becomes more and more "French," that she's a bit disturbed and unsettled and not all that pleased by the results of her own "French" parenting.

Be careful what you wish for.

But Druckerman's upper class, wealthy French friends do some things right, which makes this book a worthwhile and very funny, well-written read. The problem is, they also get a lot of crucial stuff very, very wrong. Unfortunately, Ms. Druckerman glosses these aspects of the culture.

First, just about all of the good stuff of Druckerman's advice--brilliantly packaged and marketed as "French" wisdom--is common sense. Let your kid experience frustration, let him wait (le pause? really?), don't follow him around the playground like a crazed idjit, have some rules (le cadre). The idea that this "wisdom" is French is absurd.

Meanwhile, Druckerman doesn't have much to say about a culture that disdains breastfeeding or that demands a mother's focus (and, more disturbingly, her doctor's) be on pleasing "le monsieur" (the husband) by losing weight tout de suite and getting mama back in "working" order (tummy tucks and perimeal re-education--that is, vagina tightening physical therapy--all paid for by the state).

Druckerman also downplays the importance of the most vital French parenting wisdom -- year-long state-paid maternity leaves, months of vacation time, free daycare, and free preschool.

Think about that. No, really--think about it. Wow. How anti-American is all that?!?

I wish the book had more to say on this. But Ms. Druckerman would rather write about spinach soufflés for toddlers and sleeping troubles (yawn!) and how awful Americans are. Again, and again, and again. It becomes tiring, then irritating, then just plain absurd. C'mon Pam, grow a pair! We're not all that bad and the French aren't all that good.

Still, reading Bringing up Bebe is like passing a pleasant afternoon with a mom you've just met at the playground. She doesn't say anything too interesting or provocative, and she's a bit muddled in her thinking, but it's a fine way to pass the time if you don't take her too seriously.
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April I don't consider the book anti American at all. As an American and as a female soldier I have gotten to see how raising a child in America is harder t...more
Oct 24, 2012 09:25pm

Arianne Do you even HAVE kids?? Because anyone with small children with sleeping troubles does not find reading about a cure for it boring! I also think, as a...more
Dec 20, 2012 01:20pm

Mar 13, 2012 Emily rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, parenting, meridian

I enjoyed Ms. Druckerman's self-deprecating exploration of French parenting techniques and was gratified to see that, at least in some respects, I could be considered "French." Actually, several of the ideas Ms. Druckerman discusses are very similar to The Baby Whisperer approach which I loved when my boys were babies.

If I could take only one concept away from this book, it would be that of l'equilibre - "not letting any one part of life--including parenting--overwhelm the rest." French parenti...more I enjoyed Ms. Druckerman's self-deprecating exploration of French parenting techniques and was gratified to see that, at least in some respects, I could be considered "French." Actually, several of the ideas Ms. Druckerman discusses are very similar to The Baby Whisperer approach which I loved when my boys were babies.

If I could take only one concept away from this book, it would be that of l'equilibre - "not letting any one part of life--including parenting--overwhelm the rest." French parenting assumes that there should be a certain balance in family life and that one must "give real weight to the parents' own quality of life, not just to the child's welfare" and that balance is absolutely vital, in my mind. I also like the idea of "healthy separation" and that French parents "allow themselves to mentally detach from their kids" including some serious time away from them at a pretty young age (like a week or more at age four), far better than the thought that some "American stay-at-home mothers...never use babysitters because they consider all child care to be their job." I mean, I love my children more than life itself, but I certainly crave - no, need - some "me" time, too.

Interestingly, there are also some echoes from Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother as well. Ms. Druckerman notes that French parents (and teachers) are less forthcoming with praise than American parents generally are: "Perhaps they realize that those little zaps of pleasure kids get each time a grown-up says 'good job' could--if they arrive too often--simply make kids addicted to positive feedback. After a while, they'll need someone else's approval to feel good about themselves. And if kids are assured of praise for whatever they do, then they won't need to try very hard. They'll be praised anyway." (Actually this is borne out in quite a bit of research, including in NutureShock, another great parenting book.) Likewise, the French "don't think that a bit of frustration will crush kids. To the contrary, they believe it will make children more secure."

It's a fairly quick, light read, but gives plenty of food for thought as well.

For more book reviews, come visit my blog, Build Enough Bookshelves.(less)

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Apr 20, 2012 Emily Crowe rated it 4 of 5 stars

It's so interesting reading this book as a non-parent (and as somebody who never intends to be a parent). It's clear to me that most current American parents are slaves to their children in a way that my own parents were not. As someone who works with the public on a daily basis in a place that caters to children & families (as well as adults), I'm frankly appalled at some of the behaviors I see that would never have been tolerated a generation ago. I am aware, though, that it's easy to be s...more

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Feb 09, 2012 Helen rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: memoirs, 2012

Also known as "French children don't throw food". One of the best parenting books I've ever read, and entertaining as well! I actually took notes and have been trying some things out. I love the author's attitude and I can see a lot of logic in many of the French ideas. But regardless, I really enjoyed reading the story of this family!

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Aug 18, 2012 April rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012-reads

I failed to appreciate much of what this book had to offer based on many poorly backed assumptions and one substantial thought flaw. The author mentions that she believes the French public services don't explain the differences in parenting that she sees. One could easily argue that if many American parents didn't have to worry about child care costs, preschool, college tuition or health insurance their parenting styles would be vastly different.

There are far too many references to one extreme e...more I failed to appreciate much of what this book had to offer based on many poorly backed assumptions and one substantial thought flaw. The author mentions that she believes the French public services don't explain the differences in parenting that she sees. One could easily argue that if many American parents didn't have to worry about child care costs, preschool, college tuition or health insurance their parenting styles would be vastly different.

There are far too many references to one extreme example of American parenting gone wrong and far too many examples of a few observations of French parenting gone right.

I do think there is a generational phenomenon of helicopter parenting and Mommy martyrdom; however, I don't think that defines America's parenting practice as a whole. While I appreciate the mentioned French notion of fostering autonomy, I don't believe it was an earth shattering new parenting philosophy or approach. I laughed through the explanation of fostering autonomy by allowing children one swear word, one that has been used and said by many generations: "caca boudin" (translated to caca sausage). Apparently, if I let my boys run around the house saying "shit", as it is only to be done in private, they are gaining important lessons in self worth and autonomy. Ummmmm, ok.

There does seem to be a cultural difference in the construction of parenting guilt. Likely fueled by a judgmental and competitive American society where moms are judged on every decision or choice: natural birth or epidural, breastfeed or bottle. The author argues that the judgement comes from having multiple different parenting philosophies and attempting to validate your choices. French parenting is made easier by one cultural approach. Americans believe faster development is a sign of better parenting, while the French all believe in exposure and joy. No rush. Again, yes, there are parents who over-schedule, over indulge, over parent, but I fail to see that as an entire American phenomenon.

The discussion about body image maddened me. American women feel the need to sacrifice their body for their children, unable to resist the temptation to overindulge. While French women, adhere to their strict diets, pop out the kid, and bounce back immediately. Blah blah blah.

Many of the French women work, as it is made much easier by state preschools and child care. The teachers are well trained and schooled, parents often resume their pre-baby lives but do so with a new member. Again, I fail to see how the author can say this doesn't affect the difference in parenting styles.

I think the book as a whole sparks interesting conversation, I just wish it hadn't been written in unfounded blanket statements.(less)

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Apr 25, 2012 Jennifer rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, memoir

The popularity of books like this give the impression that today's American parents are willing to take advice from anyone other than their own relatives. The most helpful advice the French have about child rearing is very traditional, the sorts of things people everywhere have said for generations: don't pick the baby up the moment it fusses, No means no, you have to try a bite of everything, children and parents are happier when the parents are in charge. Excellent advice, and worth reading if...more The popularity of books like this give the impression that today's American parents are willing to take advice from anyone other than their own relatives. The most helpful advice the French have about child rearing is very traditional, the sorts of things people everywhere have said for generations: don't pick the baby up the moment it fusses, No means no, you have to try a bite of everything, children and parents are happier when the parents are in charge. Excellent advice, and worth reading if these are unfamiliar concepts to you. A grandparent could give this book as a gift, and thus sneakily impart their own child rearing wisdom to the next generation.

What truly interested me about this book was its insights into a monolithic culture. Druckerman tells us that her French counterparts are more relaxed about parenting, and it is easy to see why. Unlike the USA, France does issue handbooks when babies are born. There is, like so many other things in their nation, one approved way of parenting, and everyone agrees to it. Child care workers, grandparents, teachers, everyone you meet on the street shares the same child rearing philosophy, so French parents have a support system which does not exist in America. Imagine if everyone who came into contact with your children was going to reinforce the very same standards you were trying to teach them. That alone would make parenting easier.

However, this does not mean they are not under pressure. They may accept the pressures of their society, which are very different from ours, but that is not the same as not feeling them. For example, weight control is a national obsession among the French. Not having regained your figure three months after giving birth is considered shameful. Literally. French husbands, doctors, relatives, friends, all feel that a woman who has not lost her pregnancy weight by three months is failing her duty as a wife and woman and will tell her so.

Gender roles are more rigid in France, with women accepting that they will be paid less, and do more child rearing, more housework. Druckerman is impressed that despite this, they complain less. However, her Parisian friends admit that one of the reasons they return to work so soon, keep trim, etc is because "men leave." (France has divorce rates similar to the US, around 50%, and is much more accepting of infidelity.) Druckerman doesn't investigate these comments, but I wish she had. There were just enough of them sprinkled throughout for me to wonder if the French women were not so much happy as resigned. (France is the only nation among 18 recently studied with depression rates higher than the US.)

The other main point that struck me as I read is that, no matter what a parent chooses, it will always be "for the good of the child." In France, it is considered to be good for the children to enter childcare before a year old (France has highly trained childcare workers.). It is good for them to be autonomous, which translates to spending a lot of time away from their parents. It is good for them to have parents who have their own lives.

I have never met a parent who said, "Well, I don't think this is the best thing for my son, but it is what I want, so he'll have to deal with it." No. Nobody says that. Whether we are talking about sending a child to summer camp, taking a higher paying job with more hours, having a family game night, a parent's alone time, or getting - or not getting - a divorce, we say it is for our child's benefit. That the French also believe this is no surprise, but neither is it proof that their practices are superior.

Because Druckerman is only looking at the parenting of very young children (and, again, I think a lot of the parenting specific advice she received in France is excellent) we really cannot fairly judge whether the French are wiser parents, because, in the end, it is not about whose baby slept through the night earlier. It is about the adults they become, how they handle themselves in adversity and success, their integrity and humility and compassion for others. At least, it always has been to me.(less)

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Feb 13, 2012 Jessica rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I've always had a soft spot for the French (well, except for that kid, Pierre, who took one of my classes and affirmed every single bad stereotype of Parisians I'd ever heard, and then some). I especially love to read about how Americans perceive French life; I suppose this is an example of me living vicariously through my book choices. Anyway. Bringing Up Bebe has been popping up on my various radar screens for weeks, and I've been at my wit's end with my newly minted three year old lately, so...more I've always had a soft spot for the French (well, except for that kid, Pierre, who took one of my classes and affirmed every single bad stereotype of Parisians I'd ever heard, and then some). I especially love to read about how Americans perceive French life; I suppose this is an example of me living vicariously through my book choices. Anyway. Bringing Up Bebe has been popping up on my various radar screens for weeks, and I've been at my wit's end with my newly minted three year old lately, so when the opportunity to read a book for pleasure this afternoon presented itself, I decided, why not?
Druckerman actually does an excellent job of ferreting out the parenting secrets of the middle class French; she explains in clear and effective language how most French parents offer their children an éducation in delayed gratification, culinary delights, and interpersonal relationships. I loved reading about how French parents rely on Rousseau and Françoise Dolto for their parenting mantras, offer consistency in their house rules, and insist their children try a wide variety of foods on a regular basis; as a matter of fact, I finished the book feeling as though our personal parenting approach was vaguely French and was charmingly reminded of rules we had faithfully followed when our older child was tiny but have allowed to go fallow, to some degree, with our younger one (that's changing as of now - merçi beaucoup, Ms. Druckerman!).
My big complaint with this book is that Pamela Druckerman creates a vision of American parenting that is absolutely abominable. Okay, sure - you, Pam, went off the deep end when you were pregnant and took all of those insane pregnancy and parenting guides seriously. You have an ongoing aversion to asserting yourself with your own children. Fine. There are plenty of American moms just like you, who can't bear to tell precious Ella "no" and who pretend that children are incapable of rational thought. But let's call a spade a spade here and admit that your problems are your problems! Just because you know someone in America who won't go to a restaurant or use a babysitter because little Johnny "won't let them," doesn't mean that we're all insane! When I was reading the reviews of this book on Amazon, someone was complaining that most of the reviews took the book to task on the basis of an interview people seemed to have heard/watched with the author, rather than the content of the book, and suggested people read the book before passing judgement. That makes sense to me, but if this interview of which many apparently speak portrays the author as smug, elitist, and somewhat pedestrian, well, you probably won't be able to stomach the actual book, either, because after I read it, I can tell you that I aspire never to meet Ms. Druckerman for coffee, in Paris or Park Slope. She seems like a truly neurotic and stereotypical American mother, and it makes me cringe a little to know that she's out there in Europe, representing the rest of us American moms without our knowledge or consent!
All my irritation aside, however, I highly recommend this book. It comes the closest to my own ideal parenting style (except for the approach to eating - definitely need to work on that) that I've seen in print, and I'll be happy to pass it on to any new moms I meet in the months and years to come! Enjoy your children - and your marriage. Parent like the French!! (less)

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Jul 05, 2012 Lynn rated it 1 of 5 stars

This book is terrible and from a journalist, shockingly unresearched. The author often cites one person or some French moms she spoke to to support her assertions about the French way! The same is true for her descriptions of an American she knows whose baby does xyz and that means all Americans parent in that way!

The book is also filled with inaccuracies. The supposedly French and superior method of raising children described by the author is so obvious and indistinguishable from what many Amer...more This book is terrible and from a journalist, shockingly unresearched. The author often cites one person or some French moms she spoke to to support her assertions about the French way! The same is true for her descriptions of an American she knows whose baby does xyz and that means all Americans parent in that way!

The book is also filled with inaccuracies. The supposedly French and superior method of raising children described by the author is so obvious and indistinguishable from what many American parenting books suggest. Here’s an example – her revelation about getting French babies to sleep through the night is “La Pause”, which is just to not respond as soon as your baby makes a noise. I haven’t read any books that suggest you do this and I don’t know any parents that do this. Either the author has a very small and odd set of friends which are coloring her perspective or she wrote this as an amusing work of fiction. The author supposedly quotes the well known book What to Expect as evidence of how neurotic American parenting books are except I read that book and did not recognize any of the ridiculous quotes. Maybe she has a copy from the 50s. She also talks about how the French methods of raising children are based in science and American ones aren’t, citing circadian rhythms as one example of this. I don’t know what parenting books she is reading, but they are not any of the mainstream ones that I have been reading because they are almost all written by doctors or at the very least, cite medical rationale for their assertions. I really can’t believe the author is a journalist. I could go on and on with examples of how poorly written and comically inaccurate this book is, but I have two babies and useful books to read, so I won’t waste my time.

I can’t believe this book is so popular. It leads me to believe that this woman’s publicist is a genius and that the readers who like this book are the same ones that like The Help, which includes the women who replace their entire wardrobes with Lululemon outfits as soon as they become moms.

What is most infuriating about this book is how many people say it’s a must read for new parents. I am a new parent, I don’t have time to waste on crap like this!

Addition: I think I blocked this from my memory because it was so ridiculous, but a recent conversation reminded me of it. Druckerman suggests that American parents are horrified by the idea of daycare and would do anything to avoid it, including quit their jobs. Those who use it do so reluctantly with fears their children will be molested or suffer permanent damage. She says in France, they are superior because they think of daycare as a way for kids to learn things and be socialized, unlike in the US. This is completely insane. Every single one of my friends with kids except one has their kids in daycare and they have all cited socialization as a main reason why they decided to send their kids to daycare. My one friend with a nanny even expressed doubt about her choice because she feared her kid wouldn't be socialized. Ugh.
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Mar 26, 2013 Maddie Daetwyler rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

After the holidays we read Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman. This is an American mother's story of raising her children in France. I loved it. The author started researching the difference between French and American parenting after she noticed that when her French friends visited, she had a great time and great conversations, but when American friends visited, they spent the time refereeing their children. I thought the author was hilarious, and I loved that she was always quick to acknowl...more

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Mar 25, 2013 ~Geektastic~ rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: francophilia, non-fiction, parenting, 2013, 21st-century, anthropology, e-book-only, owned, pub-2012, reviewed

I found this book very helpful. BUT, like many e-books, it tricked me by ending at the 86% mark- after that it was all index, etc. I hate that! I thought I had a good 10% left!

Format woes aside, I enjoyed this little foray into the parenting how-to genre, mostly because it wasn't so much a "how-to" as it was a borderline anthropology experiment. It relies on a premise I've seen done several times over the last few years, starting with French Women Don't Get Fat Cookbook. Basically, an American/B...more I found this book very helpful. BUT, like many e-books, it tricked me by ending at the 86% mark- after that it was all index, etc. I hate that! I thought I had a good 10% left!

Format woes aside, I enjoyed this little foray into the parenting how-to genre, mostly because it wasn't so much a "how-to" as it was a borderline anthropology experiment. It relies on a premise I've seen done several times over the last few years, starting with French Women Don't Get Fat Cookbook. Basically, an American/British/non-continental woman looks at the French way of doing something, most often having to do with diet and/or scarf tying, and determines she wants to learn the je ne se quois of the method and share the secret with the world.

So Pamela Druckerman, expat American married to a Brit, has a baby while living in France. While going through the grueling cycle of sleeplessness and tantrums, she notices that the French mothers around her don't seem to be suffering under the same stresses, or not to the same degree. French children are notoriously well-behaved- they say hello to strangers, they sleep through the night, and best of all, they know how to sit through an ENTIRE MEAL without crying, running around or throwing their entree at the waiter. Druckerman, entranced by this seemingly preternatural skill, undertakes to study the phenomenon in its natural habitat and give us poor American mothers the scoop.

Some complaints have been leveled at Druckerman- let's face it, no one likes to actually admit those crazy French people do something better than Americans- but for the most part she doesn't outline some step-by-step plan that she expects anyone to follow. Rather, she just makes a few observations that she was able to semi-successfully apply to her own three children. Most of her observations are common sense of a kind that strung-out, helicoptering American parents have lost sight of- simple things like speaking to your child like a rational creature or allowing them some space to be children rather than constantly worrying about their aptitude for reading or math when barely out of diapers. There are some issues covered that really are "impossible" for American parents; French social structure provides the kind of childcare average Americans can only dream of, and the variety of fresh, healthy meals available to French children is beyond what most average, urban Americans (or Brits, for that matter) can access/afford.

In her "experiment,"Druckerman covers some of the more important aspects of maintaining sanity during your child's formative years, namely sleeping through the night, eating like a civilized human being, and carving out an adult existence outside of the demands of parenthood (with minimal guilt). There are some ideas that I have taken from this that I hope to apply to my son when he is born in a few months. Even if this were the only thing gained, I would be reasonably happy with Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting, but since Druckerman's writing style and parenting experiences were entertaining even without the instructional aspect, I have to rate this pretty highly. Perhaps it's my incipient "mommy brain," but I enjoyed this and hope other people who are currently or soon to be raising small children will give it a read, no matter how they feel about the French.(less)

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Apr 16, 2013 Philip rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting

This book is a favorable analysis of the philosophies of French parents by an American journalist mom living in Paris. She marries a Brit and the two settle in France. As she acclimates to French culture and begins to raise children, she discovers some big differences. Many French parenting practices really seem to be common sense, but yet they run against the current American parenting trends. Things like being attuned to what your child is really asking, encouraging independence, pausing befor...more

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Mar 14, 2012 Amanda rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This will be one of the only - if not THE only - parenting style books I read. I'm a Francophile anyway, but I loved this American expat's take on the study of French parenting & how she tried to integrate it, as best she could, into her children's lives while living in Paris. Firm rules & boundaries, but with freedom within that. Respect for children as intelligent beings capable of learning - and NOT in need of constant hand holding to do so. Respecting the fact that parents have lives...more

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Jan 12, 2013 Jeannette rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Anne Ricart

Recommended to Jeannette by: Jenny Mudge

I started reading this only because a friend passed it on to me, but I was soon astonished by the insights it provided into the formation of national culture and character. One downside was that it overwhelmed me with regret for the way I raised my two sons. If I'd read this first, it would have significantly reshaped my thinking (or at least I feel like it would have.) But on the plus side, reading it now was not only revelatory but also highly entertaining. Druckerman had me laughing out loud...more

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Feb 18, 2013 Laura rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Maybe my rating will change when I finish reading the book, but so far into the first 100 pages, the author has stereotyped and insulted American women and also been very insulting to the French. I'm struggling to understand who she thinks her audience is for this book. A couple notes for the author: not all American women are on perpetual Atkins diets (author pointed out that she was the typical Atkins-loving American woman)...in fact, I've never been on an Atkins diet and my weight has always...more Maybe my rating will change when I finish reading the book, but so far into the first 100 pages, the author has stereotyped and insulted American women and also been very insulting to the French. I'm struggling to understand who she thinks her audience is for this book. A couple notes for the author: not all American women are on perpetual Atkins diets (author pointed out that she was the typical Atkins-loving American woman)...in fact, I've never been on an Atkins diet and my weight has always been within the normal range. Maybe this was typical for New York City where she lived before moving to Paris, but it's certainly not typical for American women in general.

Also, not gaining enough weight by not eating enough during pregnancy can cause mental retardation in babies. Perhaps you should warn your readers about this before suggesting they are over-indulging in their pregnancies. Personally, the only food I've had to add to my diet are as a result of my body telling me that I need it. For example, I've had to add breakfast (with protein) because I can't make it until lunch without getting lightheaded and nearly fainting. Also, I've had to add beef to my diet because I had an intense craving for it. Guess why? Um, my iron was low and I was anemic. I am so far on track to gain 35 pounds for the pregnancy and I wouldn't call any of the things I've added to my diet an 'indulgence' as she is accusing American women of.

One more thing that I want to point out is that, so far in the book she struggled to understand why French get their babies to sleep sooner than the Americans do. Though I agree with her that this is a problem in American society, I want to point out that she learned how to get babies to sleep through the night sooner by talking to an American woman - not a French woman.

I'll update this as I finish the book. I knew going into this book that it got very lukewarm reviews (NPR, The Economist), but I thought the overall message comparing how different cultures raise children a valuable one. But so far I think the author could have been better researched about the content in the first couple chapters, as well as a little less insulting to the audience she is targeting.

P.S.- We were just in Paris over Christmas. I was 4 months pregnant at the time. Without even knowing about this book I noted to my husband how the young boys we saw around town were a bit unruly and obnoxious. Granted we never saw kids in the restaurants, but the ones we saw walking around town were not at all well behaved. Maybe French babies can sleep through the night more quickly, but that doesn't mean it translates into better behaved children. (less)

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Jun 13, 2012 Lori rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: parents, new parents, potential parents, educators, preschool teachers

Shelves: education

This is a fascinating book. Ordered it in hard copy from Amazon after reading the preface in an online article (I love Flipboard for jewels like this).
The author lived in France for several years while raising her young children and noticed significant differences between French and American parenting styles. Instead of being frazzled, stressed, overworked, guilty like American women, the French ladies with kids enjoyed a lot of peace and quiet in their homes, even with babies and toddlers under...more

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Jun 01, 2012 Gail rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I've purposefully shied away from so many parenting books on the bookstore shelves these days. It seems like most of those geared toward pregnancy put you in a mild panic about all the things that could go wrong. And the rest? They induce a sense of fear, guilt and inferiority that, book lover though I am, I don't want to gravitate toward as I enjoy this stress-free pregnancy of mine.

BUT...I'd heard a lot of discussion about this particular book and I have to say, if it ends up being the ONLY b...more I've purposefully shied away from so many parenting books on the bookstore shelves these days. It seems like most of those geared toward pregnancy put you in a mild panic about all the things that could go wrong. And the rest? They induce a sense of fear, guilt and inferiority that, book lover though I am, I don't want to gravitate toward as I enjoy this stress-free pregnancy of mine.

BUT...I'd heard a lot of discussion about this particular book and I have to say, if it ends up being the ONLY book on parenting I read in the lead-up to my child's birth this fall, I'm better off for having made the choice.

For some quick background, the author is an American who finds herself living with her British husband in Paris at the time of their daughter's birth. Experiencing motherhood herself, Druckerman witnesses firsthand the differences in how the French families around her are raising their children and the ways in which she's drawn to the modern-day, American style of parenting she's most familiar with.

But that's the thing—this modern version of American parenting? ATTACHMENT parenting, as they call it? It's the antithesis of the way the French do it and, I believe, the way Americans USED to parent, 30 to 40 years ago. (In short, I think it's all a bit nutty).

I borrowed a library copy of this book but intend to purchase my own, as I dog-earred so many pages (a guilty habit of mine!) that I want to review it again in full at my own leisure.

Some wonderful parenting concepts explored inside the book, a favorite being this idea known as The Pause, or letting your infant child lay in his/her crib for 5-10 minutes and fuss before stepping in to see if there is a wet diaper or empty belly as the root cause of the problem. As the French have learned (and Druckerman provides research to support), infants need to teach themselves to fall back asleep—it's a learning process. But because Americans are so quick to jump in and intervene, it's a key reason why they set their children up to be unable to sleep through the night at 8, 9 or 10 months old.

Other major takeaways touch on the emphasis the French put on establishing a "cadre" or framework of discipline and responsibility for their children; the importance of manners (it's not just please and thank you but hello and goodbye for the French); instilling a child's independence (ie, not hovering over them on the playground) and teaching them how to behave at the dinner table, all the while eating food that vastly trumps our "chicken tenders friendly" U.S. kids' menus.

Some may balk at Druckerman's writing or the book's subject material, but I couldn't help but fall madly in love with these concepts. I've grown SO accustomed to seeing American children be the center of their parents' universe (constantly interrupting them in conversations, engaging their parents in their meltdowns at the dinner table) that it was a refreshing change of course to read about a culture where THAT kind of behavior is abnormal. A culture unafraid to teach its children patience ("You must teach your children frustration" is a French parenting maxim that I whole-heartedly endorse). How little of that is happening in America these days. And, as a result, not only do we have a nation of ill-behaved kids, but one for which overstressed parents are paying the price.

I am so determined not to join that rat race style of parenting — and so this is a book I intend to come back and consult in the years to come. (less)

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Feb 21, 2012 Julie rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

despite that (or maybe because!) I am very-much the embodiment of the neurotic American mom that the French parenting described in this book contrasts, I found this book a good, fast, and somewhat enlightening read. aspects of what the purported French model promotes resonate for me (in the "oh, crap, I should have done THAT" way) but others weren't for me. I enjoyed the writing and the glimpse into other ways of approaching this crazy world of parenting.

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May 10, 2012 Ris rated it 5 of 5 stars

Terrific examination of motherhood and parenting across two cultures. Druckerman has an easygoing tone that belies a real wisdom. I learned quite a bit from this book, and think I'll buy a copy to keep on hand.

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Sep 11, 2012 Rosemary rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I thought this stood out among many dozens of books about raising children simply by acknowledging that so many theories exist and that for middle class educated parents (such as myself), raising a child tends to be treated as a research project. It was quite funny in places and didn't feel didactic to me, but had some great insights.

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Nov 07, 2012 Erica - Bonner Springs Library rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2012, nonfiction

As someone waiting to become a parent, I was curious about this book. As a librarian who has seen way too many kids whose parents cater to their every move to the point that even 1st graders struggle to do tasks without parental assistance, I was also very curious.

What I found most entertaining about this book was that Druckerman tries a lot of the French techniques of parenting but realizes that sometimes her American upbringing just won't allow her to fully become a French mother. The convers...more

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May 21, 2013 Nicole Means rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I can’t say I really loved this book, but I did really enjoy learning about the French philosophy on raising children. I don’t necessarily think there is a “wrong” or “right” way to raise children as each child is individual. The author faces some of the same realities that parents with young children face—irritability, tension in her marriage, constant comparisons between her parenting styles to that of her peers, and second-guessing her parenting techniques. As a mother of two little ones, I w...more

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May 20, 2013 Jenny rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I generally abhor pregnancy/parenting books - mainly because they are EVERYWHERE, come off as more judgmental than instructional, and never cease to confuse "opinion" and "trend" with "evidence." However, I've wanted to read Druckerman's book ever since I heard her talk about it on NPR, where she described the observations she began casually making while living in France about childrearing that then turned into this compilation of French parenting wisdom. From the interview, I could tell I was g...more

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May 17, 2013 AJ rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: parenting

Audio book.

I thought this sounded interesting, and I'm always looking to see how other cultures parent. Plus, I don't necessarily think the all consuming, overwhelming, living every second for your children, American way of parenting is necessarily the best or most healthy way. I just think that having children doesn't have to be as all consuming and stressful as it seems in American life and want to see what other options are out there. So, this seemed to address those very points.

I enjoyed the...more

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May 16, 2013 Theresa rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I enjoyed this book and loved the yogurt cake recipe. It was fascinating to see parts of a completely different style of parenting. A lot of the things I agreed with but some of them were just too stuffy and well I guess French for me. Also the phobia of being a "fat American" is tiring and while it's not just the author's phobia, it's all of Paris I would like to mention two things: there are fat people all over Europe, even in France, even in Paris and thin people die, too. We all die, that's...more

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May 13, 2013 Leon rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

The secret behind France's astonishingly well-behaved children.

When American journalist Pamela Druckerman has a baby in Paris, she doesn't aspire to become a "French parent." French parenting isn't a known thing, like French fashion or French cheese. Even French parents themselves insist they aren't doing anything special.

Yet, the French children Druckerman knows sleep through the night at two or three months old while those of her American friends take a year or more. French kids eat wel

...more

The secret behind France's astonishingly well-behaved children.

When American journalist Pamela Druckerman has a baby in Paris, she doesn't aspire to become a "French parent." French parenting isn't a known thing, like French fashion or French cheese. Even French parents themselves insist they aren't doing anything special.

Yet, the French children Druckerman knows sleep through the night at two or three months old while those of her American friends take a year or more. French kids eat well-rounded meals that are more likely to include braised leeks than chicken nuggets. And while her American friends spend their visits resolving spats between their kids, her French friends sip coffee while the kids play.

Motherhood itself is a whole different experience in France. There's no role model, as there is in America, for the harried new mom with no life of her own. French mothers assume that even good parents aren't at the constant service of their children and that there's no need to feel guilty about this. They have an easy, calm authority with their kids that Druckerman can only envy.

Of course, French parenting wouldn't be worth talking about if it produced robotic, joyless children. In fact, French kids are just as boisterous, curious, and creative as Americans. They're just far better behaved and more in command of themselves. While some American toddlers are getting Mandarin tutors and preliteracy training, French kids are- by design-toddling around and discovering the world at their own pace.

With a notebook stashed in her diaper bag, Druckerman-a former reporter for The Wall Street Journal-sets out to learn the secrets to raising a society of good little sleepers, gourmet eaters, and reasonably relaxed parents. She discovers that French parents are extremely strict about some things and strikingly permissive about others. And she realizes that to be a different kind of parent, you don't just need a different parenting philosophy. You need a very different view of what a child actually is.

While finding her own firm non, Druckerman discovers that children-including her own-are capable of feats she'd never imagined.

Review

“Marvelous . . . Like Julia Child, who translated the secrets of French cuisine, Druckerman has investigated and distilled the essentials of French child-rearing. . . . Druckerman provides fascinating details about French sleep training, feeding schedules and family rituals. But her book's real pleasures spring from her funny, self-deprecating stories. Like the principles she examines, Druckerman isn't doctrinaire.”

(NPR )

“Bringing Up Bébé is a must-read for parents who would like their children to eat more than white pasta and chicken fingers.”

(Fox News )

“On questions of how to live, the French never disappoint. . . . Maybe it all starts with childhood. That is the conclusion that readers may draw from Bringing Up Bébé.”

(The Wall Street Journal )

“French women don't have little bags of emergency Cheerios spilling all over their Louis Vuitton handbags. They also, Druckerman notes, wear skinny jeans instead of sweatpants.The world arguably needs more kids who don't throw food.”

(Chicago Tribune )

“I’ve been a parent now for more than eight years, and—confession—I’ve never actually made it all the way through a parenting book. But I found Bringing Up Bébé to be irresistible."

(Slate )

About the Author

Pamela Druckerman is a former staff reporter for the Wall Street Journal and has written for the New York Times, the Washington Post, and Marie Claire. She lives in Paris with her husband and three children.

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May 12, 2013 Joyce rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I am fascinated with sociology and culture.

This is an interesting view on childrearing, all the more so, as it seems harder and harder to raise children who can function appropriately in society.

In general, it seems simply that the adults are in charge in the family, benevolently, but in charge where it matters.

Rather than a child centered family, the child is a valued member of a whole family, not the one in charge.

There is a way of raising children that emphasizes self discipline and adherenc...more

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May 10, 2013 Shannon rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: family-and-parenting, france

Last year my husband and I went to Paris. One evening we sat in a restaurant at the table next to a family with three children under the age of six. The children sat at the table, spoke to each other and their parents like people, and did not shout, complain, or turn their noses up at any of the foods ordered. And the parents spoke to the children like people, only raising their voices once when the children started speaking a little more loudly than they thought was appropriate in public. This...more

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May 07, 2013 Emily rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: already-read

This book is not without its flaws, the largest perhaps being that it explores child rearing exclusively within the educated, middle and upper class world, which the author admits in the beginning. That said, I found this to be a generally enjoyable read with an interesting perspective on the cultural differences between French and American parenting, at least within a particular demographic.

As one half of an expectant couple thinking about our parenting values, my husband and I felt that this...more

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Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting

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