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I Suck at Girls
Justin Halpern
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I Suck at Girls

3.78  ·  Rating Details  ·  13,678 Ratings  ·  1,543 Reviews
Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier.

Fans of the #1 bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through this hysterical new audiobook. The story begins w
Published May 15th 2012 by HarperAudio (first published January 1st 2012)
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Kelly (and the Book Boar)
Find all of my reviews at:

I Suck At Girls is Justin Halpern's sophomore novel, and the inspiration behind the short-lived television show Surviving Jack. I began watching said T.V. show for one reason . . .

Commercial Photography

According to my family we all wanted to watch it because the commercials were so funny and made the show look entertaining, but . . . nope. I just wanted to spend 30 minutes looking at Christopher Meloni.

Turns out the show was pretty funny too . . .

Commercial Photography

It's a
Natalie Monroe
"'When you're sweet on a woman, you do crazy shit. It happens. You ain't used to feeling that way about somebody.'

'I feel that way sometimes about Mom,' I said.

'What? No, you don't. Jesus, that's the creepiest goddamn thing you've ever said to me.'

I read that little tidbit on the subway and snorted so loud I alarmed my neighbors. I'm sure by the time I got off, half of them were convinced I was watching porn (because when I wasn't laughing, I was grinning like a deranged clown) or suffering fro
May 29, 2012 John rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: humorists, Twitter followers
Recommended to John by: Justin Halpern
Warning: before you pick up Justin Halpern's I Suck at Girls to read for the first time, be sure to set your coffee down. Failure to do so may result in some spilled beverage all over the book pages or your Kindle.

You know, it really hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose...

I Suck at Girls

Without dropping any spoilers, the author dedicates his newest book to Amanda, and it quickly becomes clear in the first chapter that she was his focus. Early on we find that he has decided to propose to her, so he goes t
After loving the random tweets from Justin Halpern I was ecstatic to read his debut full-length novel. Sh*t My Dad Says was absolutely hilarious and had me laughing profusely. Clearly, I was on board for anything else this man came out with.

Unfortunately it was a pretty huge disappointment as far as what I was anticipating. I Suck at Girls chronicles the authors bad experiences with girls which dates back to his early childhood. Obviously the intention of these stories is humor; however, I ended
Sep 22, 2012 Deb rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
**But he doesn’t suck at writing.**
Perhaps Justin Halpern may have sucked at girls, but he certainly does not suck at writing. Just as was the case with his first book _Sh*t My Dad Says_, Justin’s writing is laugh-out-loud funny and underneath-it-all touching.

After dating his fiancé Amanda for four years, Justin decides to propose to her. He enthusiastically shares his big news with his father who (in typical Halpern dad fashion) responds with: “I don’t know what you want from me. I’m happy for
May 25, 2012 Shay rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Basically, this book is about Halpern's (mostly non-existent or solo) love life from his teen years through proposing to his girlfriend. In his first book, Sh*t My Dad Says , his father was the star. The guy with the best and funniest lines. The same is true in I Suck at Girls- he's clearly riding on dad's coat tails.

Like many wives, I'm always trying to get my husband to read more. That's the reason I bought Halpern's first book. It seemed like such a "guy" book. The same is true of this book w
Medeia Sharif
May 24, 2012 Medeia Sharif rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: read-in-2012
In I SUCK AT GIRLS, Halpern details childhood and adulthood incidents with the opposite sex. As the title promises, there’s plenty of awkwardness, some of it sweet since the author finds the love of his life. I was also glad to see Halpern’s father in the book, with his foul mouth and words of wisdom. It’s a hilarious read and I loved it just as much as Halpern’s first book, SH*T MY DAD SAYS. The saying “truth is stranger than fiction” can be applied to Halpern's work.
May 19, 2012 Holly rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I really enjoyed Justin Halpern's first book S*it My Dad Says and found the humor in that book the be witty, direct and, although very cutting, often very insightful. So, I was eager to read this one.

In this book, the author has recently decided to propose to his girlfriend. Having told no one of this plan, he goes to the one person who he knows will tell him, directly, what he thinks. His father doesn't skip a beat, tells him to wait a day and spend that time reflecting on everything he's lear
Aug 27, 2012 Megan rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
With some funny moments that got me to chuckle aloud - in public, even - some well-learned (if not terribly profound) insights, and his father's trademarked style of expression, this book has a lot to offer. I'd rate it higher if there was more of it. I finished it in under 2 hours, and it seems like Halpern is intelligent and contemplative enough to come up with more than this. Certainly, he could have told us more about his relationship with Amanda, the woman at whom he finally, apparently, do ...more
I'm pretty sure anyone passing by me in the car while listening to this thinks there is something wrong with me. So damn funny.
Jul 11, 2012 Angelc rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
You may have heard of another book by this author, "S*** My Dad Says." The book started as a Twitter feed, became a best selling book, and then became a tv show staring William Shatner. A lot of this book is more "S*** My Dad Says" but there is a lot about the author's experiences in dating too.

The advice and snippets that the author's dad actually says is awesome. It's so quick witted and funny, and most rings true. However, I think the snippets might be better as actual snippets, such as quick
Jun 14, 2012 Michael rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: read-in-2012
When Justin Halpern decides the time has come to propose to his girlfriend, Amanda, he takes his father to lunch to discuss the decision and look for some fatherly wisdom and/or advice.

For most of us, this would be fairly normal. But Justin's dad is the dad from S*** My Dad Says. After his father points out that the news shouldn't be a surprise to anyone, he then challenges Justin to take a moment and reflect on his various relationships with women before he makes the momentous move. Justin tak
This was one of the funniest books I've read in a long time. It begins when the author treats his dad out to lunch and tells him he's decided to marry his girlfriend. His father's response:
"You've been dating her for four years"..."It ain't like you found a parallel f--k-ng universe."

The author's father goes on to advise him to take a day off and reflect on everything he's learned about women, relationships, and himself before coming to a decision. Thereupon the author takes us on a trip throug
Julianne Stueben
Nov 26, 2015 Julianne Stueben rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I loved Shit My Dad Says and this was also pretty good! This was more stories rather than quotes like the first book but good nonetheless :) glad it ended well too
Abrar Shafie
Justin is ridiculously funny. and a good writer, obviously. his writing makes the punchline even funnier.

but enough with jokes.
somewhere along the second-last and the last story, i secretly hope that he will find a perfect woman for his sake (and of course he did). And after finished reading it, I smiled and know that what he experienced is probably how most of us will go through (well, except having a bunch of "advises" from his dad).

oh, only 3 stars because i prefer "Shit My Dad Says" than thi
Jo Ann
Not quite as humorous as Halpern's first memoir. This one focuses on Justin's love life or lack of one. It's a little on the juvenile side, but still a funny light hearted read. Just wish there had been more of his father's outrageously raw words of wisdom.
Feb 25, 2015 Krysta rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
This guy becomes famous because he uses 140 characters to quote his dad on a social media platform. The height of his success is a TV show on FOX. These successes are void of any kind of talent or originality and this book makes it pretty clear that he wouldn't have had his fifteen minutes of fame if it wasn't for his dad. It's kind of embarrassing. But what the fuck do I know? He's not on GoodReads leaving a bad review of MY collection of short stories that rely heavily on parental wit and over ...more
3.5 stars

A humorous account of a man's history of interacting with the female sex. From grade school to adulthood, Justin Halpern agonizes over the mysterious nature of girls. A number of years ago I read Shit My Dad Says and found that book to be hilarious and heartfelt in an unconventional way. In I Suck at Girls, the Dad's sage humor still figures prominently in the book. The book isn't a single story per se but a series of chronological stories exploring Justin's insecurity in talking to gir
Nov 07, 2012 CC rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Mar 09, 2013 Krista rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition

I didn't read Sh t My Dad Says, mostly because I object to the coarsening of public spaces that results from seeing the title at the book store, and then in the TV listings. I'm not some total prude; I'm not offended by adults sprinkling their language with expletives in private conversation, but I don't want to hear (or see) that language at McDonalds with a bunch of kids running around. As a result, I had an idea that Justin Halpern's Dad was some kind of narrow-minded, foul-mouthed Archie Bun
Feb 14, 2013 Susan rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I was happily surprised with this book, and in fact thought it was much funnier and better written than 'Sh*t My Dad Says'. It shows his gruff old geezer dead actually has a soft heart. When Justin told him he wanted to propose to his girlfriend, he had some great advice."I took a day and I sat and thought about all the things I had learned about myself, and about women, up to that point in my life. Just sat and thought.I may have smoked marijuana as well.Anyway, at the end of the day, I took st ...more
Sowmya's book world
It was a book about a boy having trouble with girls. He is not good at talking to them , pleasing them or good in any sort of category where he can impress a girl. The book was witty . I think justin's dad has taken all the attention of the book.

This was a funny light heart reading. Though it was very gross at some of the part i liked Justin's dad.
This is Halpern's second book. The first, "Shit My Dad Says" was a runaway hit that I did not read. So I decided to get on the bandwagon early with this one. This book is Justin's ruminations about his various misadventures with women from early life until he proposes to the woman who is now his wife. It's an entertaining book that often leads to laughter and groaning--for both the characters and the reader. Halpern is not shy about sharing his mistakes or the lesser parts of his personality, wh ...more
May 19, 2012 Sarah rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I really loved Shit my Dad Says and didn't know what to expect with this one since the first book was like little excerpts out of his life basically his dad telling him in colorful language that he's stupid and how to not to be stupid. I laughed my ass off and this one was no different. In fact I laughed more. This one about Justin proposing to his girlfriend. He tells his dad his plans and basically we the audience are treated to a nutshell story of Justins experiences with girls from grade sch ...more
May 26, 2012 Michelle rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
my friend recommended this book saying that it was hilarious and I had to read it. Well I'm always ready for a laugh so I dove in. Though there were some moments that did make me laugh out loud (the drawing he made for his little crush), it was just that....a moment. It did have great life lessons and his father is wonderfully wise without being too hallmark mushy about it. I am not sure if me not having a father figure in my life had something to do with not thinking it was as funny as others. ...more
Scott Renegado
Jun 09, 2015 Scott Renegado rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Anybody can enjoy a good laugh and this, oh this book.

For a little backstory, the prequel "S*** That My Dad Says" is about the author, Justin Halpern and his break-up with his girlfriend, which lead him to move-in with his retired father (who is simply amazing). There he posted, well, what the title implies, on a Twitter feed and it exploded. Where this book is set now is when he reunites with his girlfriend and proposes to her, but Halpern asks for his father's advice.

His father's words of wisd
Apr 01, 2014 Ash rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: funny
I can't quite rate this accurately. It's above 3.5 but not an exact 4. Stuck between a 3 and a 4, i thought well i still very much enjoyed reading this since it had just the right mix of awkwardness and heart yet i still find it highly amusing.

While i was laughing my heads off mostly the entire time reading Sh*t My Dad Says, i wasn't entirely feeling the exact same way with this one. To compare both and say that this book is not good would be a lie and unfair but to say that it was as rib-tickli
May 24, 2013 Gavin rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Well written, funny, fun but short book. I would easily recommend this to others. I don't know how much of it is real, but I hope a lot.

I loved his stories, and gives an anxiety based person like me a lot of hope for the future.
There was a moment about 30 minutes into this audio book that I almost gave up on it, but I’m glad I toughed it out because it has pretty funny laugh-out-loud moments.
Be warned that there are some pretty intense TMI moments – a big part of why I almost gave up on it – and major foul language. This is not something you want to listen to if there’s a chance others might take objection to it.
It’s not the funniest thing ever, but the part where he tells the story of how his dad taught him to drive
May 13, 2015 Belkis rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: audios-done
Not as funny as his first book.
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Overrated to the core. 6 67 May 10, 2014 05:36AM  
Madison Mega-Mara...: I Suck at Girls, by Justin Halpern 1 3 May 19, 2013 08:29AM  
Madison Mega-Mara...: I Suck at Girls 1 4 Aug 22, 2012 01:02PM  
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I'm 29. I live with my 74-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says.

In the pic, I am on the far right and dad is one the far left. That's a friend between us.
More about Justin Halpern...

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“Life is fucking long, especially if you're stupid.” 36 likes
“... human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello.” 32 likes
More quotes…