Rate this book

Clear rating

1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars

I Suck at Girls

3.77 of 5 stars 3.77 · rating details · 5,248 ratings · 956 reviews

"Growing up, every time I saw a men's magazine cover that had a headline about '73 Ways to Please Your Girlfriend', all I could think was 'I'm good with one; just tell me one way to please her. Also, I don't have a girlfriend. Is there an article about that?'"

Soon after Sh*t My Dad Says began to take off, comic writer Justin Halpern decided to propose to his then girlfrien...more

Audio, 192 pages

Published May 15th 2012 by HarperAudio

more details... edit details

Get a copy:

More…

Friend Reviews

To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

Lists with This Book

2012 - The Summer of Fluff

8th out of 24 books — 19 voters

The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman

Best Books of Summer 2012

42nd out of 43 books — 218 voters

More lists with this book...

Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 3,000)

filter | sort: default (?) | rating details

Jul 05, 2012 Bonnie rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: funny-ha-ha, audiobooks, adult

After loving the random tweets from Justin Halpern I was ecstatic to read his debut full-length novel. Sh*t My Dad Says was absolutely hilarious and had me laughing profusely. Clearly, I was on board for anything else this man came out with.

Unfortunately it was a pretty huge disappointment as far as what I was anticipating. I Suck at Girls chronicles the authors bad experiences with girls which dates back to his early childhood. Obviously the intention of these stories is humor; however, I ended...more

7 likes · like · see review

Nov 05, 2012 KOMET rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: humor-or-homespun-wisdom, justin-halpern

This was one of the funniest books I've read in a long time. It begins when the author treats his dad out to lunch and tells him he's decided to marry his girlfriend. His father's response:
"You've been dating her for four years"..."It ain't like you found a parallel f--k-ng universe."

The author's father goes on to advise him to take a day off and reflect on everything he's learned about women, relationships, and himself before coming to a decision. Thereupon the author takes us on a trip throug...more

1 like · like · see review

May 24, 2012 Medeia Sharif rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: read-in-2012

In I SUCK AT GIRLS, Halpern details childhood and adulthood incidents with the opposite sex. As the title promises, there’s plenty of awkwardness, some of it sweet since the author finds the love of his life. I was also glad to see Halpern’s father in the book, with his foul mouth and words of wisdom. It’s a hilarious read and I loved it just as much as Halpern’s first book, SH*T MY DAD SAYS. The saying “truth is stranger than fiction” can be applied to Halpern's work.

3 likes · like · see review

Aug 27, 2012 Megan rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

With some funny moments that got me to chuckle aloud - in public, even - some well-learned (if not terribly profound) insights, and his father's trademarked style of expression, this book has a lot to offer. I'd rate it higher if there was more of it. I finished it in under 2 hours, and it seems like Halpern is intelligent and contemplative enough to come up with more than this. Certainly, he could have told us more about his relationship with Amanda, the woman at whom he finally, apparently, do...more

1 like · like · see review

May 10, 2013 Andrea Mullarkey rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: droid

I missed the Shit My Dad Says twitter feed, book, TV show debacle etc. So when I picked up this book I didn’t have much in the way of expectations. I thought it would be a funny, guys-eye-view on romance, but I had no idea just how funny it would be. Not only were there many, many laugh-out-loud moments, it was compulsively readable. I would find myself standing in line for coffee reading on my phone and laughing while my latte was being made heedless of the many people around likely to find me...more

like · see review

Apr 01, 2013 Jonny99 rated it 3 of 5 stars

Once again Justin Halpern, hero to underemployed and over indulged millenials everywhere, taps his father's bountiful foul-mouthed quips to fill out another book. This time, Justin takes us on a tour of his relationships with women and what his father had to say about them. Justin's lack of success hardly surprises given he even creeps out his teachers and parents. His father - who despite being a doctor in the field of nuclear medicine eats a lot of pizza and eschews sleep for drinking in darke...more

like · see review

Mar 18, 2013 Young-in Soh rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: adults

I was a fan of the TV show, $hit My Dad Says. I was a bit disappointed when I learned the TV show was discontinued. If my memory serves me right, it had one season with 18 episodes. Having that said, I really enjoyed this book. I finished it in one sitting right before I went to sleep.

In this book, Justin Halpern writes about his experiences with the opposite sex as a young boy, teen, and man. He is so awkward that it is to the point of, well, a weird mixture of pity and laughter. If you watched...more

like · see review

Feb 14, 2013 Susan rated it 4 of 5 stars

I was happily surprised with this book, and in fact thought it was much funnier and better written than 'Sh*t My Dad Says'. It shows his gruff old geezer dead actually has a soft heart. When Justin told him he wanted to propose to his girlfriend, he had some great advice."I took a day and I sat and thought about all the things I had learned about myself, and about women, up to that point in my life. Just sat and thought.I may have smoked marijuana as well.Anyway, at the end of the day, I took st...more

1 like · like · see review

Nov 07, 2012 CC rated it 3 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

2 likes · like · see review

Sep 22, 2012 Deb rated it 5 of 5 stars

**But he doesn’t suck at writing.**
Perhaps Justin Halpern may have sucked at girls, but he certainly does not suck at writing. Just as was the case with his first book _Sh*t My Dad Says_, Justin’s writing is laugh-out-loud funny and underneath-it-all touching.

After dating his fiancé Amanda for four years, Justin decides to propose to her. He enthusiastically shares his big news with his father who (in typical Halpern dad fashion) responds with: “I don’t know what you want from me. I’m happy for...more **But he doesn’t suck at writing.**
Perhaps Justin Halpern may have sucked at girls, but he certainly does not suck at writing. Just as was the case with his first book _Sh*t My Dad Says_, Justin’s writing is laugh-out-loud funny and underneath-it-all touching.

After dating his fiancé Amanda for four years, Justin decides to propose to her. He enthusiastically shares his big news with his father who (in typical Halpern dad fashion) responds with: “I don’t know what you want from me. I’m happy for you and Amanda, and I like you both very much, but it’s not a surprise. You’ve been dating her for four years. It isn’t like you found a parallel f***g universe.” (p. 5)

His father follows this response with some advice:
“So I’ll tell you what I did right before I asked your mother to marry me: I took a day and I sat and I thought about all the things I had learned about myself, and about women, up to that point in my life. Just sat and thought. I may have smoked marijuana as well.” (p. 9)

Justin decides to follow in his father’s approach (save for the marijuana part) to evaluate his readiness for his big decision:
“I spent the entire day doing just as my dad suggested: thinking as far back as I could remember and replaying every moment that had ever taught me anything about women and myself, from the awkwardness of childhood to the tribulations of adolescence and early manhood, in hopes that, before the day was done, I would know that the decision I was about to make was, at the very least, an educated guess.” (p. 10)

During his day of introspection, Justin makes several self-discoveries including:
“I came to the conclusion that I was the male equivalent of a Toyota Camry. You know: no one ever says, ‘I *have* to *have* a Toyota Camry.’ But most people who spend some time in a Camry start to like it. ‘It’s pretty reliable,” they think. ‘It doesn’t have a lot of problems, and it’s not bad to look at. You know what? I’d probably prefer a nicer car. But I can live with a Camry.’” (p. 127)

He’s also able to arrive at a place where he feels confident about his decision to propose:
“Asking Amanda to marry me would be one of the biggest, boldest moves of my life—a huge leap for an awkward teen who spent Friday nights watching ‘80s action movies instead of going to parties, for a Little Leaguer who buried armfuls of porno in his backyard in an insane quest to see his first naked woman. I sucked at girls. I had always sucked at girls. But now I was about to not suck, and it made all the pathetic moments of my past feel like trifles I could laugh at, like bits in a blooper reel at the end of a movie. I couldn’t wait to ask her to marry me and take that ring out of the box and slide it on her finger.” (p. 175)

If you want a book that’ll make you laugh, make you think, and touch you along the way, making the decision to read _I Suck At Girls_ (like Justin’s decision to propose to Amanda) will be at least an educated guess. My guess is that the book will suck you in from the start, and keep you engaged and committed until the end.
(less)

3 likes · like · see review

Aug 07, 2012 Diane rated it 5 of 5 stars

A few years ago, Justin Halpern rocked the book world with his best-selling book, Sh*t My Dad Says, based on his Twitter feed where he just wrote hilarious stuff his cranky dad told him. The tweets turned into a book which turned into a TV show that did not do the book justice.

In my review of the book, I said that you could tell who in my family was reading the book by the burst of laughter coming from various rooms in the apartment. My adult sons and I loved the profane, funny and yes, touching...more A few years ago, Justin Halpern rocked the book world with his best-selling book, Sh*t My Dad Says, based on his Twitter feed where he just wrote hilarious stuff his cranky dad told him. The tweets turned into a book which turned into a TV show that did not do the book justice.

In my review of the book, I said that you could tell who in my family was reading the book by the burst of laughter coming from various rooms in the apartment. My adult sons and I loved the profane, funny and yes, touching book.

Halpern is back with another gem of a book, I Suck at Girls, about his (mis)adventures with the fairer sex. Once again there is plenty of wit and wisdom from his father, but also lots of heart. As the only women in a family of men, I found that this book gave me a window into the world of what boys and men really think and feel about women.

Halpern is a shy guy, and to his utter dismay, still a virgin at the age of twenty. His recounting of his prom night is a sad one, but I bet it's probably closer to many people's experiences than we are willing to admit. High school wasn't a happy time for him, so he was thrilled to be attending San Diego State University ("Harvard, without the smart people", as his dad called it), where he hoped to get a fresh start.

About a fifth of his high school graduating class was going to SDSU, so his hope that no one would know him was dashed when he was referred to as "the guy who wears sweatpants to school sometimes." Halpern writes "Ideally, I'd like to be known as something other than that."

He and his friend Ryan work hard all summer and saved their money to go to Europe, where they had heard that the girls all want to have sex. They decide to go to Ibiza because Ryan read in a guide book that the parties there are crazy. Along the way they meet a great character, Vietnam Joe, who doesn't speak much English, but manages to get a pretty Mexican girl.

Halpern and his buddy get jobs washing dishes at Hooters, and he finally gets a girlfriend. He gets dumped and gets a job at another restaurant and dates another waitress, who is a bit crazy. Finally he meets a woman whom he think she could have a long term relationship with, but she lives in San Francisco.

I Suck at Girls is the kind of book that appeals to men and women. Men will read it and relate to Halpern's life. Women should read it to learn about the interior life of men; if you think they are all dogs, you would be well served to read it to learn about just how insecure men are and how much courage it takes to approach a woman.

And I love his dad even more after reading this book.

I have to give this book a rating of 5 of 5 because any book that makes me laugh that hard and then want to give the poor guy a hug deserves it.
(less)

1 like · like · see review

Jul 30, 2012 Doug rated it 3 of 5 stars

Halpern, if you don't recognize the name, is that guy who parlayed a twitter feed about the stuff his dad says into a career/TV deal/etc..

I'm not a fan of the twitter; I tried it and found it a bit too much of a not-so-good thing. But it was sometimes amusing, and I was curious what Halpern's writing might be like without the crutch of his dad's persona.

It turns out this is not the book that answers that question. The central conceit is that Halpern is prompted by a life event to re-examine his...more Halpern, if you don't recognize the name, is that guy who parlayed a twitter feed about the stuff his dad says into a career/TV deal/etc..

I'm not a fan of the twitter; I tried it and found it a bit too much of a not-so-good thing. But it was sometimes amusing, and I was curious what Halpern's writing might be like without the crutch of his dad's persona.

It turns out this is not the book that answers that question. The central conceit is that Halpern is prompted by a life event to re-examine his romantic history, but this re-examination is directly prompted by Dad. Moreover, even when Dad is off-screen, Halpern (who I think is much cannier than his aw-shucks-all-I-did-was-post-some-stuff-my-dad-said schtick implies) usually puts some character front and center who is some combination of older, worldlier and/or inclined to communicate largely in scatological idioms.

But I liked it better than I might have thought, for two reasons.

First, my toe-dip in Halpern's twitter gave me a very inaccurate impression of the titular dad: he's not at all the mashup of crusty, intolerant Archie Bunker-for-the-new-millennium with Yogi-Berra-esque accidental quasi-profundity that I thought; he's actually a smart guy (and not demonstrably intolerant in this book; I don't know where I got that from) who expresses complex thoughts in language that might embarrass a stand-up comic.

Second, for a guy writing tell-all sexual history, Halpern doesn't have too much to tell. He doesn't portray himself as anyone who would ever be called a "player." He's more of an anti-player. As a confirmed anti-player myself, I found the non-glorification of belt-notch tallies refreshing and relatable (so relatable, in fact, that pop culture details sometimes struck me as anachronistic, given that Halpern's and my non-wild-oat-sowing decades were not contemporaneous). Don't get me wrong, it was fluffy and sophomoric, but its rewards were commensurate with the effort required: several chuckles, at least one guffaw, and it took about a day to read.
(less)

1 like · like · see review

Jul 16, 2012 Luanne Ollivier rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Justin Halpern....Isn't he the guy whose dad...? Yes, this is the second book from Justin Halpern, who shot to fame when he started a twitter account sharing his father's wisdom - sh*t my dad says. It snowballed - a best selling book and a television show followed. And, yeah his dad is pretty funny.

The fun continues with I Suck at Girls as Halpern details his passage through the birds and bees, adolescence, dating and ultimately marriage. All of course with a good dose of fatherly advice.

I was g...more

1 like · like · see review

Jul 16, 2012 Eva rated it 3 of 5 stars

A cute, fun read. Some kindle quotes:

Between voracious bites of pizza, my dad noticed that I wasn’t satisfied by his response, so he wiped his mouth and said, “All right. I’m gonna tell you two things. But neither of them is advice, okay? Advice is bullshit. It’s just one asshole’s opinion.” “Fair enough,” I replied. “First and foremost, I’m a scientist,” he said, clearing his throat. “I agree.” “I don’t give a shit if you agree. It’s not up for debate. I’m telling you: First and foremost, I’m a...more A cute, fun read. Some kindle quotes:

Between voracious bites of pizza, my dad noticed that I wasn’t satisfied by his response, so he wiped his mouth and said, “All right. I’m gonna tell you two things. But neither of them is advice, okay? Advice is bullshit. It’s just one asshole’s opinion.” “Fair enough,” I replied. “First and foremost, I’m a scientist,” he said, clearing his throat. “I agree.” “I don’t give a shit if you agree. It’s not up for debate. I’m telling you: First and foremost, I’m a scientist. And as a scientist, I can’t help but think about things critically. Sometimes it can be a curse. What I wouldn’t give every once in a while to be a blithering idiot skipping through life with shit in my pants like it’s a goddamned party.” I sprinkled red chili flakes on my barbecue chicken pizza and sat back to listen. “So, scientifically speaking, marriage breaks down like this: There are six billion people on the planet. Say half are women. Now, taking into account age ranges and all that, even if you were picky—” “I’m picky,” I interrupted. “I’m speaking universally, not about you specifically. The world doesn’t constantly revolve around you. Just eat your fucking pizza and listen.” He waited silently until I grabbed a slice of pizza and shoved it in my mouth. “Okay, so even if you were picky, you could probably be happily married to any one of a hundred and fifty million different women,” he said.Read more at location 133

“Mr. and Mrs. Halpern, this morning Justin gave this drawing he made to a girl he sits next to in class,” my teacher said, sliding a piece of lined paper across the table to my mom and dad. My parents both leaned in to examine it. My mom took one look and let out a sigh in disappointment. My dad leaned in for a closer look. “Jesus, what the hell kind of drawing is this?” he said. It was a crude drawing of a smiling, female stick figure with red hair and a T-shirt that read “Kerry.” Above Kerry’s head was a yellow dog. Those two elements alone, of course, would not have caused a problem. Unfortunately, there was a third element to the drawing: a shower of large brown clumps raining down from the yellow dog’s rear onto Kerry’s face. And just in case the viewer wasn’t sure how Kerry felt about that, a thought bubble protruding from her head read, “I like it.” “It’s very upsetting,” my teacher said. “Why is the dog above her head? That doesn’t even make sense. How’d he get above her head?” he asked, turning to me. “I don’t know,” I said. “You have to draw a hill or something under the dog. A dog can’t just float up into the atmosphere and take a shit on someone’s head. I mean, I know you’re six or seven or whatever, but that’s pretty basic physics right there,” he said. “Mr. Halpern, that’s really not the issue,” my teacher said. “I dunno, seems like a pretty big issue to me. At least we know we can cross artist off the list,” he said.Read more at location 268

As she pulled into our driveway, my mom told me to go to my room and wait for her and my dad. About ten minutes later they both appeared. My mom sat next to me on my bed. My dad grabbed a chair, shook the Legos off it onto the ground, and sat down. “Justy, do you know why you can’t draw pictures like the one your teacher showed us?” she started. “Yes. Dogs can’t fly above people’s heads,” I said. “No, honey, that’s not why,” my mom said. “Well, that’s part of the reason why,” my dad said. “No, Sam, you’re confusing him.” “He’s confusing me. He’s got dogs flying around, people wearing fuckin’ T-shirts with their names on them, like everybody works at a goddamn auto shop. All I’m saying is, there’s multiple problems at work here. Let’s not condone some fantasyland where—” “Sam!” My dad went silent and nodded.Read more at location 299

“I’m sorry I made Kerry cry,” I said. He turned around and looked me in the eye. “I know you are. When you’re sweet on a woman, you do crazy shit. It happens. You ain’t used to feeling that way about somebody.” “I feel that way sometimes about Mom,” I said. “What? No you don’t. Jesus, that’s the creepiest goddamn thing you’ve ever said to me,” he said, as he started to close the door. “Wait,” I said. My dad stopped once again. “Yeah?” “What do I do now?” I said. “What do you do with what?” he said. “With Kerry.” “Jack shit. You’re seven.”Read more at location 320

He sat at the desk in front of mine, which meant that every day I spent eight hours face-to-face with whatever slogan was on the No Fear T-shirt he chose to wear that day. The inspirational messages printed on the backs of No Fear T-shirts all sounded like they’d been written by the president of a fraternity moments after he pounded his sixth beer.Read more at location 552

There, hightailing it out of the canyon, came two bearded homeless men, each of whom looked like Nick Nolte rendered in beef jerky.Read more at location 692

“Please explain to me right now why you’re in your underwear digging a fucking hole in my backyard at three-thirty in the goddamn morning.” There was no way out of this. I exhaled in defeat, then told him everything: about going into the canyon, finding the porn, running away from the homeless guys, then burying my loot. He waited for a moment, processing everything, then quietly said, “All right, here’s the deal.” Calmly but firmly, he instructed me to take all that porn out of his backyard and fill in the hole pronto. The next day, he explained, I would carry the magazine pages back to the entrance of the canyon and leave them there. “Why can’t I just throw them out? I don’t want to go back to the canyon,” I said. “Bullshit. Someone spent time collecting this shit. What if I threw out your baseball card collection? That wouldn’t be right.” I nodded. His analogy made sense to me, and suddenly I felt a twinge of remorse, having deprived those men of one of their few—and probably most prized—worldly possessions. I bent down and lifted the big wad of dirt-covered porno out of the hole. “Are you mad?” I asked, as I picked up the shovel. “Nah. I don’t think this even cracks your greatest hits of stupid. But there’s one important thing I need you to know.” I stopped shoveling and looked at him. He pointed at the pile of loose, grimy magazine pages on the ground. “You will never screw a woman who looks like that. Understand?”Read more at location 728

I hadn’t gone to one dance in my entire high school career. I was six foot tall and a hundred and twenty pounds. When I danced, I looked like a praying mantis on fire.Read more at location 880

Vanessa looked fantastic. She was wearing smoky black eyeliner, and her hair looked like a thousand golden curly fries.Read more at location 1154(less)

like · see review

Jul 11, 2012 Angelc rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

You may have heard of another book by this author, "S*** My Dad Says." The book started as a Twitter feed, became a best selling book, and then became a tv show staring William Shatner. A lot of this book is more "S*** My Dad Says" but there is a lot about the author's experiences in dating too.

The advice and snippets that the author's dad actually says is awesome. It's so quick witted and funny, and most rings true. However, I think the snippets might be better as actual snippets, such as quick...more

3 likes · like · see review

Jul 02, 2012 Bill Krieger rated it 1 of 5 stars

"You suck at writing" too. He he. Sorry, just kidding. That's my own lame attempt at humor.

This book is very short. It's only a couple of hours to read. I think I got sucked in (he he again) by the title on this one. Good title. It's not very funny though. The author also wrote Shit My Dad Says. I've heard of that one, and had I known this was the same deal, I wouldn't have grabbed this book.

The setting for the book is the author's childhood and some of his dating experiences. This, however, is...more

1 like · like · see review

Jun 28, 2012 Lisa rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: adult-books, memoir, funny, romance

Sooo hilarious.

Publishers Weekly Reviews
In a bittersweet twist of fate, it was a breakup that sent Halpern on the path that would result in over 3 million Twitter followers, a #1 New York Times bestseller (ShH t My Dad Says), a TV deal, and ultimately, something like happiness. Beginning with the end of the relationship that resulted in him returning home to live with his father—whose irreverent, profanity-laden quips and advice was the soul of ShH t My Dad Says—Halpern recounts his romantic...more

like · see review

Jun 18, 2012 Lorca Damon rated it 4 of 5 stars

Screenwriter-turned-author Justin Halpern has made an entire career out of being emotionally roadkilled by his saintly father while allowing the readers to have front row seats to laugh at his misfortune. The accidental author of Sh*t My Dad Says, a bestselling title that grew from his Twitter account of the same name which literally chronicled the daily pearls of wisdom that fell from his father’s profane mouth, is back with his hilarious timeline of romantic failures, all of which led to one o...more

like · see review

May 29, 2012 John rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: humorists, Twitter followers

Recommended to John by: Justin Halpern

Warning: before you pick up Justin Halpern's I Suck at Girls to read for the first time, be sure to set your coffee down. Failure to do so may result in some spilled beverage all over the book pages or your Kindle.

You know, it really hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose...

Without dropping any spoilers, the author dedicates his newest book to Amanda, and it quickly becomes clear in the first chapter that she was his focus. Early on we find that he has decided to propose to her, so he goes t...more

7 likes · like · see review

May 29, 2012 Maria rated it 5 of 5 stars

The 411 by Maria:

Let me start with this....one of my favorite book reviews of the year so far. WOW! I literally cannot stop rereading it to myself and anyone who will listen. Tonight I am going to down and highlight my favorite "dad" quotes. Pee your pants funny.

Hysterical read! I am not sure how "dad's" (Sam's) wife can be so normal. She must have literally needed Depends to live with this character. Humor is so attractive to me which means I find Sam super sexy!

Some of my favorites:

Justin draw...more

1 like · like · see review

May 27, 2012 Kelly Hager rated it 3 of 5 stars

Justin Halpern is best known for his Twitter account Shit My Dad Says (and its subsequent book). This is not really about that, but his dad plays a large part in this book, too. After he decides to propose to his girlfriend, his dad gives him the advice to take a day and think about his life and past relationships and then propose (or not, I guess, depending on where his thoughts take him). This book is the result of that. :)

I haven't read the Shit My Dad Says book, but I have read a bunch of th...more

1 like · like · see review

May 19, 2012 Holly rated it 4 of 5 stars

I really enjoyed Justin Halpern's first book S*it My Dad Says and found the humor in that book the be witty, direct and, although very cutting, often very insightful. So, I was eager to read this one.

In this book, the author has recently decided to propose to his girlfriend. Having told no one of this plan, he goes to the one person who he knows will tell him, directly, what he thinks. His father doesn't skip a beat, tells him to wait a day and spend that time reflecting on everything he's lear...more

3 likes · like · see review

Feb 13, 2013 Lauren rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2013-reads, humor

Justin Halpern, of Sh*t My Dad Says fame, is getting married. His dad, always his go-to for advice, tells him to think over everything he’s learned about himself and women before he proposes to make sure he’s making the right decision. Justin does. This is the book that came from that thinking.

In I Suck at Girls, Justin chronicles everything: the elementary-school crush who he needled and teased for attention, the time he stole porn from homeless men, his awkward college experiences as a virgin...more

like · see review

May 21, 2012 Larry Hoffer rated it 3 of 5 stars

Building on the success of his Twitter feed, best-selling book, and short-lived television series, Sh*t My Dad Says, Justin Halpern is back to reflect on his lack of success with women, which he can trace back to an early age. When he takes his father out to lunch to confide that he is planning to propose to his girlfriend of four years, Justin's father replies (as only he can), "You've been dating her for four years. It ain't like you found a parallel f--king universe."

Eventually, his father re...more

like · see review

Mar 09, 2013 Krista rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir, 2013

I didn't read Sh t My Dad Says, mostly because I object to the coarsening of public spaces that results from seeing the title at the book store, and then in the TV listings. I'm not some total prude; I'm not offended by adults sprinkling their language with expletives in private conversation, but I don't want to hear (or see) that language at McDonalds with a bunch of kids running around. As a result, I had an idea that Justin Halpern's Dad was some kind of narrow-minded, foul-mouthed Archie Bun...more
I didn't read Sh t My Dad Says, mostly because I object to the coarsening of public spaces that results from seeing the title at the book store, and then in the TV listings. I'm not some total prude; I'm not offended by adults sprinkling their language with expletives in private conversation, but I don't want to hear (or see) that language at McDonalds with a bunch of kids running around. As a result, I had an idea that Justin Halpern's Dad was some kind of narrow-minded, foul-mouthed Archie Bunker that I didn't need to learn anything about-- and I admit I was guilty of the worst kind of prejudgement.

I chose to listen to I Suck at Girls, just hoping for something light and funny. To my delight I discovered it to be a thoughtful, and very funny, look back on the author's experiences with girls, from his first grade crush to the woman he wants to marry. When his Dad appears in the book, yes, his language is foul, but his advice is sound and thoughtful and warm-- he obviously loves his son and wants the best for him.

In one of my favourite scenes, a young Justin and a friend have braved their fears to explore the forbidden canyon beside the Little League field, and discover a "Hobo Cave" filled with dirty blankets, empty beer bottles and stacks of porn. The boys gather up all of the pictures they can carry and start running, but soon : There, hightailing it out of the canyon, came two bearded homeless men, each of whom looked like Nick Nolte rendered in beef jerky. As soon as I heard that description, I laughed, but then immediately felt kind of bad for laughing at homeless men-- which is, I think, the reaction I was supposed to have because when Justin's Dad discovers what he has done, he insists the first thing the boy needed to do was to return the pictures to the entrance to the canyon the next morning. “Why can’t I just throw them out? I don’t want to go back to the canyon,” I said. “Bullshit. Someone spent time collecting this shit. What if I threw out your baseball card collection? That wouldn’t be right.” I nodded. His analogy made sense to me, and suddenly I felt a twinge of remorse, having deprived those men of one of their few—and probably most prized—worldly possessions. I bent down and lifted the big wad of dirt-covered porno out of the hole. “Are you mad?” I asked, as I picked up the shovel. “Nah. I don’t think this even cracks your greatest hits of stupid. But there’s one important thing I need you to know.” I stopped shoveling and looked at him. He pointed at the pile of loose, grimy magazine pages on the ground. The Dad then explains that Justin needs to understand that real woman don't look like the women in those pictures and that real women won't do the crazy things depicted either. That these two important life lessons, respect for women and compassion for the less fortunate, could have been gleaned from such a bizarre situation gives me much respect for Sam Halpern as a father.

And did I mention that the whole thing is really funny? Totally worthwhile experience
(less)

like · see review

Aug 14, 2012 Thomas Holbrook rated it 4 of 5 stars

After reading Mr. Halpern’s first book, Sh*t My Dad Says, I was excited for the chance to visit again with my (now) favorite neurotic. His first memoir, detailing some of the things his dad has said was one the most hilarious books I read in 2010 and is one of the funniest books I have ever read. His father, a retired Oncologist, has a unique, honest, unvarnished opinion about whatever the subject at hand and the author has done very well in reporting some of those opinions. In this edition, th...more After reading Mr. Halpern’s first book, Sh*t My Dad Says, I was excited for the chance to visit again with my (now) favorite neurotic. His first memoir, detailing some of the things his dad has said was one the most hilarious books I read in 2010 and is one of the funniest books I have ever read. His father, a retired Oncologist, has a unique, honest, unvarnished opinion about whatever the subject at hand and the author has done very well in reporting some of those opinions. In this edition, the author seeks his father’s in put regarding his plans to ask his girlfriend to marry him. His father’s suggestion, take a day to consider “what he had learned about (himself), and about women up to that point in (his) life” (p. 9) and then decide what he wants to do.
What follows is part memoir, part love story and all humorous.
The structure of the book is similar to the first. Mr. Halpern recalls his relationships to the female gender beginning in elementary school. His father’s influence, observations and commentary regarding this process is profane, profound, without rancor, straightforward and, as he is not intending to be humorous, makes his statements riotously funny.
The book is actually a genuinely sincere account of the author’s search for the core of himself and his being ready for the commitment of marriage. There is much with which the average person to connect in this book. Mr. Halpern does not hide his eccentricities, foibles, neuroses nor does he seek to make any effort to make himself look like anything but the person he is. His father’s unconditional love for the author, shown in his father’s repeated confrontation of the author’s peculiarities while fully accepting that his son is okay as he is, gives “Justin” the safety to completely accept himself. The freedom of being so transparent can only be found in complete acceptance, even if the transparencies reveal a textbook case of Self-Doubt.
This book is NOT for those of: youthful eyes, sensitivity to harsh language or anyone who cannot see humor in the absurdity of life. It is a book easily read but not one to rush through. Anyone reading this book will want to allow plenty of time for hearty laughter and to ponder at what, exactly, is being said while being so funny. The book is not meant to deliver “a message,” by the time I reached the end, however, I was left feeling I had learned something of importance.
Now, the wait begins for his next book begins; I expect this one to be when his first child arrives. Now THAT will be a read of extraordinary significance.
(less)

like · see review

May 25, 2012 Shay rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Basically, this book is about Halpern's (mostly non-existent or solo) love life from his teen years through proposing to his girlfriend. In his first book, Sh*t My Dad Says , his father was the star. The guy with the best and funniest lines. The same is true in I Suck at Girls- he's clearly riding on dad's coat tails.

Like many wives, I'm always trying to get my husband to read more. That's the reason I bought Halpern's first book. It seemed like such a "guy" book. The same is true of this book w...more

4 likes · like · see review

Apr 30, 2013 Dawn rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Call this 3.5 stars.

I don't recall how I stumbled upon this book, but I'm glad I did. I Suck at Girls is a memoir-type book written in chapter-length vignettes about different stages of Justin Halpern's life. Halpern's father is a good father, he's loving and will do just about anything for his kids. This is sometimes obscured by his honest, straight-forward attitude toward his children. His statements always have cuss words, he says exactly what he's thinking, and he doesn't try to hide the fac...more

like · see review

Jul 05, 2012 Alicia rated it 5 of 5 stars

I really do like Justin Halpern. He seems like a guy I would hang out with. That probably helps my opinion of his books. I loved Sh*t My Dad Says, so I purchased the Nook book of I Suck at Girls as soon as I saw it was available.

It's funny. Really funny. And it helps that we're within the same generation, so a lot of his references to his childhood make sense to me. I also think his dad's a hoot, if you don't mind the cursing (I don't). I wish we heard more from his mom, but that's just a small...more

like · see review

May 30, 2012 Daniela rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: adult, american, autobiography, coming-of-age, non-fiction, humourous

Age:
Adult

Genre:
Non-Fiction, Autobiography, American, Coming-of-age, Sociology

Summary:
Justin Halpern follows up his #1 New York Times Bestseller Sh*t my Dad Says with I Suck at Girls, a book tackling his trials and tribulations in the dating scene. Sprinkled throughout with funny quips from his father, Halpern’s biography holds nothing back, sharing with the reader every gritty detail of growing up and dating. Through his voice we hear about a childhood crush gone awry, late night exploits with...more

like · see review

« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 … 99 100 next »

new topic
Discuss This Book

topics	posts	views	last activity
Overrated to the core.	3	33	May 04, 2013 09:11pm

combine
Other Editions (10)

More editions...

Genres

Humor

173 users

Non Fiction

130 users

Autobiography > Memoir

72 users

Biography

35 users

Humor > Funny

29 users

Humor > Comedy

29 users

Adult

17 users

Biography > Autobiography

9 users

Biography Memoir

8 users

Romance

7 users

See top shelves...

Share This Book

Facebook Twitter Your website

Trivia About I Suck at Girls

1 trivia question

More quizzes & trivia...

Quotes from I Suck at Girls

“Life is fucking long, especially if you're stupid.” — 20 people liked it

“... human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello.” — 17 people liked it

More quotes…

title link	preview: I Suck at Girls
avg rating	preview: I Suck at Girls Goodreads rating: 3.77 (5248 ratings)
small image	preview: click here [close]
med image	preview: click here [close]
BBCode	[url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13425393-i-suck-at-girls?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book][img]http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1335903412l/13425393.jpg[/img][/url] [url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13425393-i-suck-at-girls?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book]I Suck at Girls by Justin Halpern[/url]

I Suck at Girls

Friend Reviews

Lists with This Book

Community Reviews

new topic
Discuss This Book

combine
Other Editions (10)

Genres

Readers also enjoyed similar books

About Justin Halpern

Books by Justin Halpern

Share This Book

Share This Book on Your Website

Trivia About I Suck at Girls

Quotes from I Suck at Girls