The Long Walk: A Story of War and the Life That Follows by Brian Castner

Dec 30, 2012 Alicen rated it 4 of 5 stars

"When I left Iraq, the US military had occupied it for five years. But we didn't collectively have five years of experience; we had one year of experience five times."

I picked up this book as I had heard it portrayed as one the first good memoirs to come out the Iraq war and it did not disappoint it its raw and (what I imagine to be) real portrayal not only of going to war in Iraq but what it was like to come home. Although it felt very sparse to me in its telling - which did not fully allow me...more

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Jan 12, 2013 Piepie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir, history

I've read several accounts of soldier's war & post-war experiences. Like them, this narrative is told in jagged dis-ruptures which so powerfully convey the soldier/vet's fractured & broken thought process/emotional state.

Castner, an Air Force officer, served 3 tours in Iraq, twice commanding an Explosive Ordinance Device unit. This memoir shifts violently between the tensions of his war time tours as he & his EOD unit are called out to dispose of bombs along the roads, investigate s...more

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Nov 29, 2012 Kristin rated it 5 of 5 stars

Put any one of these words in front of me – explosives, ordnance, front lines, Iraq- and I would run for the hills. Brian Castner chose the opposite and deployed willingly and for multiple deployments. In THE LONG WALK, he shares his slow descent into becoming Crazy after his return from Explosive Ordnance Disposal duty on the front lines in Iraq.

After he returned from his final tour, he was surprised how quickly he adjusted to his new life outside the military. Sudden and loud noises faded to...more Put any one of these words in front of me – explosives, ordnance, front lines, Iraq- and I would run for the hills. Brian Castner chose the opposite and deployed willingly and for multiple deployments. In THE LONG WALK, he shares his slow descent into becoming Crazy after his return from Explosive Ordnance Disposal duty on the front lines in Iraq.

After he returned from his final tour, he was surprised how quickly he adjusted to his new life outside the military. Sudden and loud noises faded to the background, and he stopped looking at trash as possible improvised explosive devices (IEDs). He was surprised, then, that over time he became overwhelmed with a feeling that he came to call “Crazy.”

Running and yoga provided quiet escapes from the Crazy, but the Crazy persisted and made life unbearable. Veterans Administration (VA) doctors ultimately figured out that the experience of blowing things up ultimately affected his brain. Every explosion sent silent shock waves into his gray matter, creating blast-induced traumatic brain injuries, tearing at the soft tissue and ripping at the neurons that held his long term memory. While his brain grew new pathways for his damaged neurons, they were longer and took more time to access. The process left him exhausted and overwhelmed at the end of the day- and feeling Crazy.

He tells us that The Long Walk is the journey that a bomb technician makes from the safety of his vehicle to a bomb to defuse it. This is the last resort that the EOD technician will undertake and only when all other tactics, such as using one of several robots to do the work, fail. Yet, the title also references the long time, call it a different kind of Long Walk, that he took from physically returning from the war and then psychologically recovering from his traumatic tour of duty.

The story telling itself is difficult to follow at times, as Castner takes us from the present to the past to the beginning and back and forth and somewhere in between. Just as he is no longer able to access the straight lines of a non-combat damaged brain, the route he shares is symbolic of the more circuitous and exhausting pathways his brain must now take to process the same events. This enables Castner to create an extraordinary vehicle for presenting a harrowing and life altering experience.
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Oct 07, 2012 Uwe Hook rated it 4 of 5 stars

The author is a former American soldier who served three terms of duty in the Middle East. That seems enough to leave him crazy but his role in the elite team that disarmed explosive devices impacted him forever in a number of ways. His job was one that required nerves of steel and a willingness to expose himself to constant danger and tension. He saw the results of the specific kinds of horrors of this war up close and personal, trapped in his uncomfortable body armor and participating in death...more

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Oct 04, 2012 Holly rated it 4 of 5 stars

Very personal account of a soldier's love affair with and devastation by warfare. Had the feel of poetry from the gut. He talks a lot about a sense of brotherhood among soldiers, and reflects some about the damage done to Iraqi people's lives in the pursuit of... whatever it was America was pursuing in Iraq. A happy ending? An honorable departure? I don't know and he doesn't seem to consider it his business to worry about it much either. In his work removing roadside bombs, he does notice and tr...more

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Sep 25, 2012 Johanna rated it 4 of 5 stars

An enlightening book. I found the first 100 pages a tough slog but then the author seemed to hit his stride and I couldn't put it down. I learned a lot about modern warfare, things I never thought of like boredom, the constant threat from civilians (where is that next suicide bomber coming from), the dirt, the heat or cold, the state of constant alertness, you are never 'off', the way war gives your life meaning and purpose that isn't possible in most lives. And the terrible, terrible after effe...more

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Sep 14, 2012 Rachel rated it 5 of 5 stars

Every once in a while a book that I would never expect to catch my attention calls to me from the stacks. It always happens in person. I usually happens accidentally. I’ve learned to never let myself walk away. With this book, I was fighting with the return box at the library and it was sitting on the ‘new book’ shelf to my left.

The cover and log line grabbed me even though I have zero natural literary interest in war (err... note my other reviews). I read the back and put it back down. Ages ago...more Every once in a while a book that I would never expect to catch my attention calls to me from the stacks. It always happens in person. I usually happens accidentally. I’ve learned to never let myself walk away. With this book, I was fighting with the return box at the library and it was sitting on the ‘new book’ shelf to my left.

The cover and log line grabbed me even though I have zero natural literary interest in war (err... note my other reviews). I read the back and put it back down. Ages ago, hubby and I watched a movie on soldiers whose specialty was bomb disposal. It was excellent, but disturbing.

And yet the book called to me again. I picked it back up, checked it out, and read it in one sitting (telling the stories to hubby along the way).

It’s the memoir of Brian Castner, now retired from the Air Force after serving several tours in the middle east leading EOD teams. The book is set up as a series of short vignettes. At first I found this confusing, but they quickly settled into two distinct (intermixed) threads: Brian’s entry into the EOD world and time in Iraq. And his struggle with what he calls ‘The Crazy’ after his return.

As expected, the stories are gritty and awful. The are also somehow very poignant. One of the things I really like was how Mr. Castner showed the job he had to do in Iraq and the dedication and hard decisions it took to complete that job, but at the same time how very aware he was of the material and emotional (not the right word, but I can’t think of anything better) hurt he was doing the Iraqis (making his own job harder too). It was fascinating.

So was being in his head as he faced the aftermath. Although 'fascinating' feels a bit shallow. I will admit that I shed quite a few tears as he suffered. He’s one of those people who you want to offer something as a Thank you, but there isn’t anything that you can give that wouldn’t come off as trite.

More than anything though, I finished the book with a strong sense of what it means to be human. Not super-human, but plain-old-regular, good-bad-ugly, human.(less)

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Sep 10, 2012 Grady rated it 5 of 5 stars

`The first thing you should know about me is that I'm Crazy'

And with a first sentence of a book of past and active memoirs Brian Castner has his reader by the ear, the eye, and every sensory receptor of the body. This is one of those books that burn like acid on the skin causing pain at first and as it gradually heals it leaves a scar - a mark, a blight, an indelible reminder of the original episode. Many soldiers have written about their experiences in battle - from the greats such as alt Whitm...more `The first thing you should know about me is that I'm Crazy'

And with a first sentence of a book of past and active memoirs Brian Castner has his reader by the ear, the eye, and every sensory receptor of the body. This is one of those books that burn like acid on the skin causing pain at first and as it gradually heals it leaves a scar - a mark, a blight, an indelible reminder of the original episode. Many soldiers have written about their experiences in battle - from the greats such as alt Whitman, Wilfred Owen, WG Sebald to Tim O'Brien, Philip Caputo, Neil Sheehan among others. Writing of this caliber, especially in the hands of a new practitioner, deserves admiration for not only his technical skills, but also for the unique manner in which this book was written. This is one of the most involving books about the active and passive aspects of the wars in the Middle East now available.

Here is a story, a true reportage, of a soldier who served multiple terms of duty in the Middle East this past decade, being a commander of an Explosive Ordnance disposal unit in Iraq - a military Bomb Squad. The assignments carried out by Castner and his fellow soldiers were based on seeking hidden explosive devices and upon finding them, undergoing the dangerous task of disarming them. Yes, we have `been there visually' in the film `The Hurt Locker', but fine as that story was it dims in light of the way Castner relates those terrifying yet thrilling missions.

Where Castner's THE LONG WALK (a term for the breathless approaching a potentially deadly explosive device) succeeds best is in transferring the madness and the gore of battle as it imprints on the brains and psyches of those men assigned to these tasks. By keeping his story personal, written on his own without a dependency on statistics or data, brings entry into the world as it has changed by the Crazy One - the fragile alternative mindset of a hyperactive victim of negative imprints that alter his return to civilian life. In a few paragraphs he takes us to the field of action, then leaves a space, and moves directly into the realities of being back home in the states. It is this back and forth method of writing that unveils the fragility (and the indomitability) of the mind as experienced by war, making it immediately accessible to the reader - and as pungent as any war writing to date.

The book is about a specific war (and everyone should have access to the pages of this book to see how agonizingly absurd the continued pointless and useless and wasteful Middle East involvement in tribal warfare really is): in reality this book mirrors the permanent injuries on soldiers' minds in every war. This is powerful writing, important information, a gateway to understanding PTSD, and above all one of the most terrifying and heart wrenching stories about the absurdity of war and its aftershocks.

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Aug 22, 2012 Larraine rated it 5 of 5 stars

"The first thing you should know about me is that I'm crazy." The author, a bronze star decorated former EOD (Explosive Ordnance Disposal) specialist who served three tours of duty in the Middle East, two of them as the commander of an EOD unit. If you want to be impressed by a person, read this book. No, not because he's a "hero." (I hate that overused word!) Read this book so you can meet a man who writes so vividly that it's practically impossible to put this book down. Meet a man who is pass...more "The first thing you should know about me is that I'm crazy." The author, a bronze star decorated former EOD (Explosive Ordnance Disposal) specialist who served three tours of duty in the Middle East, two of them as the commander of an EOD unit. If you want to be impressed by a person, read this book. No, not because he's a "hero." (I hate that overused word!) Read this book so you can meet a man who writes so vividly that it's practically impossible to put this book down. Meet a man who is passionate about what he did, who conveys the excitement, the adrenaline rush so thoroughly that for a moment - fleeting - but a moment, you are just a little envious. One of his buddies says that he never felt so alive as when his life was in danger. Another says he will keep coming back as long as they'll let him because "my brothers" are here. You will also accompany him to a funeral of one of his closest friends, run with him and his friend, Ricky, as he tries to outrun the "crazy" that won't leave. He describes it as a spider in his head. Talk about a gruesome yet vivid metaphor - I can still picture that spider as he describes it. In fact, I may DREAM about that spider tonight. We're with him as they defuse bombs - or go on a mission to find bomb making materials, but fail spectacularly because the intel was wrong. (When he comes back from the mission empty handed he is told "You have the blood of soldiers on your hands.") Meet "Murphy's Law," a totem consisting of a stick with a gorilla head on the top where "offerings" in the form of beer, cigarettes and porn magazines are made in the hopes that "Murphy's Law" won't kick in when they are out in the field and suddenly discover they are missing something they thought they packed. You'll laugh, but only for a moment. While riding through the town, Castner has seen stand after stand selling watermelons. Finally, he can't stand it, and, in full combat gear, jumps down and buys two watermelons from a local farmer. Later that night they drink beer and eat watermelon, spitting out the seeds like teenage boys. It's when he describes being at home that is the most heart-wrenching. He fights the "crazy" every day by running, by visits to the military hospital, by taking yoga classes. In one scene, he describes looking at his sleeping two week old son. He describes in way too vivid detail what horrible things could happen to him. He spends that night on the steps, holding his rifle, guarding his son from harm. This is riveting. Don't miss it. (less)

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Aug 16, 2012 Everyday eBook rated it 5 of 5 stars

Recommended to Everyday by: Lauren Hayes

"The first thing you should know about me is that I'm crazy." In The Long Walk: A Story of War and the Life That Follows, Brian Castner heartbreakingly shares anything but your typical war story. Castner takes us on a personal journey through not one, but two wars -- one in Iraq, and the other within himself -- brilliantly intertwining the two in a way so explosively raw.

Castner served three tours of duty in the Middle East as an officer of the U.S. Air Force, two of them as the commander of an...more "The first thing you should know about me is that I'm crazy." In The Long Walk: A Story of War and the Life That Follows, Brian Castner heartbreakingly shares anything but your typical war story. Castner takes us on a personal journey through not one, but two wars -- one in Iraq, and the other within himself -- brilliantly intertwining the two in a way so explosively raw.

Castner served three tours of duty in the Middle East as an officer of the U.S. Air Force, two of them as the commander of an Explosive Ordnance Disposal unit in Iraq. Castner delves into the day-to-day experiences of an EDO at war: the dangerous investigations of the aftermath of car bombs, the unbearable heat, and the house-to-house search for bomb makers. But his greatest challenge would come on the once familiar soil of his own home. These passages of Castner's terror and fear both in Iraq and at home left me holding my breath.

Flashing back and forth between the two locales, Castner describes the horrific events that took place during his tours of duty, and the uninvited panic he refers to as "the Crazy" during his transition to returning home. We receive a rare glimpse into the mind of a soldier suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, the mind of a person dealing with unwanted memories and severe anxiety.

Castner's story snuck up on me in a way that was surprising. He talks about how he enjoyed his job in the military, found meaning in the work he was doing, and embraced the camaraderie of those in his unit. He admits that "despite being surrounded by the gory horrors of war and facing near-death experiences, I somehow never considered what life would be like once I went on the final call to dismantle a roadside bomb." When Castner goes from disrupting roadside improvised explosive devices, to giving his children cereal before they leave for school in the morning, he finds both tasks equally challenging. Riddled with wounds and loss not visible to the naked eye, he reveals a different kind of post-war aftershock. Castner found himself questioning his significance in his family, as his relationship with his wife and children deteriorates, and shares these thoughts freely. Castner's ability to speak openly about a subject that isn't talked about enough is not only inspiring; it's also so very honorable.

The Long Walk is immensely personal, deeply moving, and at times will leave you stunned. This is a story that won't leave you. The eye-opening, touching revelations make this book a must-read, especially during this fragile time.

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Jul 14, 2012 Jill Stadelmaier rated it 5 of 5 stars

If I could give a book 10 stars, this would be the book. And maybe I'm biased, I know the author personally. But, I also work treating veterans for PTSD and a range of other emotional and behavioral difficulties. And in the three years I've been working at the Veteran Hospital, I have read many many books about veterans, combat, PTSD, I've seen the movies and the documentaries, both fiction and non-fiction. And I have to say, without a doubt, this book is the best, most thought-provoking, most h...more

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Jul 11, 2012 Doubleday Books rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: favorites, nonfiction

"The first thing you should know about me is that I'm crazy." In The Long Walk: A Story of War and the Life That Follows, Brian Castner heartbreakingly shares anything but your typical war story. Castner takes us on a personal journey through not one, but two wars -- one in Iraq, and the other within himself -- brilliantly intertwining the two in a way so explosively raw.

Castner served three tours of duty in the Middle East as an officer of the U.S. Air Force, two of them as the commander of an...more "The first thing you should know about me is that I'm crazy." In The Long Walk: A Story of War and the Life That Follows, Brian Castner heartbreakingly shares anything but your typical war story. Castner takes us on a personal journey through not one, but two wars -- one in Iraq, and the other within himself -- brilliantly intertwining the two in a way so explosively raw.

Castner served three tours of duty in the Middle East as an officer of the U.S. Air Force, two of them as the commander of an Explosive Ordnance Disposal unit in Iraq. Castner delves into the day-to-day experiences of an EDO at war: the dangerous investigations of the aftermath of car bombs, the unbearable heat, and the house-to-house search for bomb makers. But his greatest challenge would come on the once familiar soil of his own home. These passages of Castner's terror and fear both in Iraq and at home left me holding my breath.

Flashing back and forth between the two locales, Castner describes the horrific events that took place during his tours of duty, and the uninvited panic he refers to as "the Crazy" during his transition to returning home. We receive a rare glimpse into the mind of a soldier suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, the mind of a person dealing with unwanted memories and severe anxiety.

Castner's story snuck up on me in a way that was surprising. He talks about how he enjoyed his job in the military, found meaning in the work he was doing, and embraced the camaraderie of those in his unit. He admits that "despite being surrounded by the gory horrors of war and facing near-death experiences, I somehow never considered what life would be like once I went on the final call to dismantle a roadside bomb." When Castner goes from disrupting roadside improvised explosive devices, to giving his children cereal before they leave for school in the morning, he finds both tasks equally challenging. Riddled with wounds and loss not visible to the naked eye, he reveals a different kind of post-war aftershock. Castner found himself questioning his significance in his family, as his relationship with his wife and children deteriorates, and shares these thoughts freely. Castner's ability to speak openly about a subject that isn't talked about enough is not only inspiring; it's also so very honorable.

The Long Walk is immensely personal, deeply moving, and at times will leave you stunned. This is a story that won't leave you. The eye-opening, touching revelations make this book a must-read, especially during this fragile time.(less)

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Jul 09, 2012 Cynthia rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: books-read-in-2012

Soldier’s Heart

I’ve long wondered what it’s been like for our current service people. Like many Westerners I have very little idea what life, not to mention war, is like in the Middle East. It’s worse than I thought. Castner’s account is straight forward and unblinkingly honest. He was a bomb expert during his tour. He describes the arduous training prior to going to Kirkuk Iraq and how competitive it is. I was lost even with this concept. Who the heck is so driven that they WANT to go to such a...more Soldier’s Heart

I’ve long wondered what it’s been like for our current service people. Like many Westerners I have very little idea what life, not to mention war, is like in the Middle East. It’s worse than I thought. Castner’s account is straight forward and unblinkingly honest. He was a bomb expert during his tour. He describes the arduous training prior to going to Kirkuk Iraq and how competitive it is. I was lost even with this concept. Who the heck is so driven that they WANT to go to such a dangerous place and risk their life by disabling illusive but deadly IED’s? Apparently there are more than a few brave people who consider this a privilege. These bombs can and do cause horrible damage. Castner and his fellow soldiers would come up to horrific scenes of bodies in pieces and loved ones wailing. Add to that they were often viewed with hostility by the locals, not as rescuers.

Castner pivots between such scenes in Iraq and his attempt to fit back in to civilian life. One passage that particularly tore my heart was his telling of how his wife went to her grandmother prior to Brian’s leaving and asked her how she had dealt with being without her husband when he was serving in World War II. Her grandmother told her to say goodbye to the man she knew because he wouldn’t be coming home even if he didn’t die in war a different man would return to her. This is confirmed when Castner’s wife tells him he hasn’t laughed for a year after returning home.

The bond between soldiers is necessarily strong. They have to rely on their squadron to preserve one another’s lives. Of course there were service deaths Castner had to deal with. When he returned he was once tapped to serve as a Family Liaison Officer, the person who informed the family of their lost loved one, he was the soldier who stayed with them during the memorials and funerals. Although he hadn’t known this soldier in life he was struck by the family’s fortitude in getting through a devastating time.

Castner describes in personal detail his struggle with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). More importantly he walks us through Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) with which I was far less familiar. TBI occurs when the brain sustains injury by loud noises or slamming against the brain pan. Since the bomb squad were perpetually around explosions they were exposed to this over and over. It can produce, among other symptoms, Parkinson like shakes, gaps in memory, the inability to form new memories, etc. He also discusses some of the mitigating exercises such as yoga that health professionals are working with.

Though this was a serious account it also has hope. Castner obviously takes pride in the work he did in the Middle East as well as providing training for the next group of soldiers who will work with explosives. He describes the process of reconnecting with loved ones and dealing with his injuries, of staying in touch with others who’ve served. Soldier’s Heart was a term coined during the Civil War. It’s a more poetic description for what we now call PTSD.
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Jun 10, 2012 Murphy Waggoner rated it 5 of 5 stars

Castner's writing conveys, both through style and content, how all-consuming his job in Iraq was -- the hyper vigilance, the constant assessment of danger, the need to kill -- and how he found it impossible to disengage from that life and reenter his family life when the tour was over. There is no doubt that reentry is difficult, under any circumstances, and VA hospital staff struggle to decide how much of that difficulty is physical or psychological. The answer is a moving target since the meth...more

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Oct 01, 2012 Sorayya Khan rated it 5 of 5 stars

There's a Sufi poet, Waris Shah, who has a line that goes something like this: "The people who say - those who go away to war will return - tell lies."
The Long Walk, Brian Castner's remarkable chronicle of his war (three tours in Iraq and then home) is testament to this. The people who leave for war are not the people who return. The reality is heart breaking and true, regardless of the specific war. Castner suggests much the same thing in this excerpt:

My wife is alone in our full bed too. Her...more

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May 04, 2013 Adam rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

There are thousands upon thousands of war memoirs out there--a testament to the unending richness of history but also, paradoxically, the frequency and magnitude with which we as a country go to war. These memoirs--so rich and significant, so important--can only be written by those who survive the most horrific experiences imaginable, and thus our understanding of ourselves and the world in which we live--our collective history as a species--is nourished on the sweat, blood, and nightmares of so...more There are thousands upon thousands of war memoirs out there--a testament to the unending richness of history but also, paradoxically, the frequency and magnitude with which we as a country go to war. These memoirs--so rich and significant, so important--can only be written by those who survive the most horrific experiences imaginable, and thus our understanding of ourselves and the world in which we live--our collective history as a species--is nourished on the sweat, blood, and nightmares of soldiers. For every Born on the Fourth of July, Jarhead, or With the Old Breed, there are millions of other stories that go unwritten, untold, unpublished, and forgotten. Not every soldier will live to tell their story of war, and not every survivor of war will tell their story while alive. These stories are perhaps the most important that can be told, and each is worth its weight in ink and paper, if not more so.

But where most of these memoirs are crucial parts of history, there are very few that can also be considered good literature--that is, something that does more than tell a story from Point A to Point B, or about Persons A through E and what they did at Events 1 through 10. There are those few soldiers who are gifted enough to channel their experiences through more than pure recollection--Brian Turner's poetry collection Here, Bullet and Tim O'Brien's novel-memoir The Things They Carried are the two examples that come immediately to mind--but when they do, it adds even more depth to an already profound story.

Brian Castner's The Long Walk is an example of that kind of book. An EOD technician, Castner moves between his experiences defusing IEDs during the Iraq War and struggling to re-acclimate to civilian life once his tour of duty has ended. Memories of he and his team approaching strange, dangerous contraptions in the sweltering Iraqi weather, their bodies weighed down by 80 pounds of gear while unseen forces shoot at them, move suddenly into Castner swimming through 12-packs of beer on the couch, going between the floors of the local VA hospital, and taking yoga classes in the hopes of ridding himself of the spider-like "Crazy" that has nested in his brain. He runs, he is tested by doctors, a bomb explodes, the yoga teacher twists herself in front of him, he steps in liquefied intestines, he takes his son to school, a phone rings in that emptiness of night, he dresses his son for hockey, he is insubordinate, he is diagnosed, he is sane, he is insane. It all moves together as one, as though his time in war and time in peace were melting together as one until he is a man in both worlds and neither world at the same time. His everyday life is filled with the chaos of war--he has an imaginary gun with him at all times, and his eyes scout for men who seem suspiciously familiar--while his memories are dominated by endless hours of waiting for IEDs to be reported, for his team to approach and defuse, of the camaraderie and sense of purpose he felt while the world around him fell away into thunder and fire.

This balance is what gives Castner's memoirs its literary depth and makes it a rarity among the countless other books to come out of the last decade of war. Were this book stripped of its cover and any biographical information on the author, you'd be tempted to think of it as a clever novel of sorts--a look at how, as Castner's grandmother-in-law tells his wife, war will kill the men it saves and send back someone new. There would be unfair comparisons to The Hurt Locker, some discussion of how expertly the novelist avoids one Hollywood-war-movie cliche after another--the nighttime scene in which a lowly pigeon brings forth a discussion about what the men will do when they return home is formulaic and saccharine, the critics would say in one voice--and a general sense that this writer, though promising, has watched Saving Private Ryan one too many times. But it's obviously real, still fresh and alive in Castner's mind--even his wife says his ability to remember even the most inconsequential of details is both amazing and frustrating--and it's a testament to Castner's skills as a writer that, more often than not, the reader questions what they're reading--the outlandishness, the carnage, the extremeness of all that's written down. After all, what better compliment to give a memoirist of war--and what darker condemnation to set upon the homeland reader--than to write about the world as it is and find resistence from those who find safety behind sanitized fantasies of how the world isn't. "This can't be real," the reader tells themselves, searching the cover for reassurance that this is just a novel, a story, a fabrication. "No one could survive this. This can't be happening now, not in my lifetime, to my friends and neighbors."

It is, and if the shelves of libraries and bookstores and archives are any proof, it will forever be.

This review was originally published at There Will Be Books Galore.(less)

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Sep 17, 2012 Mark rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: audiobooks, memoir

“"Don't be scared of the soft sand."

A soldier, decked out in full bomb gear, an 80 pound Kevlar suit, making the “long walk” toward an armed bomb. Is there anything more desolate or terrifying? Brian Castner served three tours in Iraq, as part of the Explosive Ordnance Disposal unit.
This is the story of two journeys: the adrenaline-fueled, blood-soaked world of the combat soldier and the equally difficult return to a “normal” life.
This is a raw, emotional memoir, filled with riveting prose. Cas...more

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May 08, 2013 emi Bevacqua rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: mideast, non-fiction

Brian Castner's The Long Walk is about his three tours of duty in the Middle East as a US officer in EOD (Explosive Ordnance Disposal). He's an engineer from a long line of military family and usually if I have no experience in common with an author/book subject I am too self-absorbed to gain anything from reading it, but Castner's writing sucked me in immediately and held my attention til the last page, mere hours later.

I know how brilliant engineers can be scientifically and intellectually, b...more

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Oct 05, 2012 Sharon Pelletier rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012-faves

Purchased this book at Brooklyn Book Festival because the passages the author read were so beautiful, even though one was about finding a stinking colon after responding to a bomb call. There is much debate in literary circles about what kind, if any, important literature will come out of this decade's wars in the Middle East; this one has to be at the forefront of any such discussion, in my opinion (along with The Watch: A Novel, the author of which is who drew me to the BKBF panel).

The power...more

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Oct 30, 2012 Matt rated it 4 of 5 stars

A must read. Brian Castner's description of his service in Iraq defusing bombs and how he experiences home life afterward makes it almost impossible to put the book down.

Castner tells the reader right away that he is Crazy, yes with a capital C. This Crazy swells in his heart and head, interrupting everyday life. He runs endlessly, trying to push the Crazy away through pain. But the instant he stops, the Crazy swells again.

His wife can't understand how he is able to remember every IED call and...more

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Apr 17, 2013 Ellen rated it 5 of 5 stars

The story is fabulous if you want some insight into what some of those who are/were involved in Middle East conflict. I listened to it as an audiobook, read by the author. I think this helped put the right tone to the story because he lived it and unless you have been in his shoes, it's just not possible to understand it well, to put feeling into it.
I laughed, cried, shook my head. Castner was a bomb disposal soldier, faced the possibility of death every day, all day. The honesty he wrote about...more

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Apr 28, 2012 David rated it 4 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. There's openness to Brian Castner's memoir of soldiering that's startling and revelatory. His story sort of snuck up on me. I was surprised to be surprised. The exact opposite of what should happen to any good soldier.

The portrayal of day-to-day, boots on the ground, Explosive Ordnance Control wartime missions are not anything new; but they ring true. It's to the author's credit that there's not much softening of language or antics that is part of a EOD units life in Iraq and back at home. Ther...more

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Nov 14, 2012 Doug rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: war

This is a fine training, war, and aftermath memoir by a bomb disposal officer who served in Iraq. Brian Castner's enthusiasm for his job ebbed in country, and he became "Crazy" (his term) after his return home. His condition may be a combination of PTSD and TBI - traumatic brain injury -- or maybe neither. You get the sense that the results of defusing and blowing up bombs may not be as bad as being blown up, but it might be worse than facing, say, the zombie apocalypse. A few portions of the bo...more

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Aug 20, 2012 Dawn rated it 4 of 5 stars

Generally speaking, I like depressing books, but this one was SUPER depressing. I liked it, because it was written differently, and the way the author continually went back and forth from past to present was interesting, but I seriously need some ice cream and a hug after this one.

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Dec 06, 2012 Kimberly Miller marked it as to-read

The first line of this book is "the first thing you should know about is I'm crazy". And although it sounds funny.... That is a powerful statement. and if you know anyone who suffers from combat-related PTSD you get it. I'm really looking forward to finishing this book.

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Mar 06, 2012 Joe rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: doubleday, 2012

The best Iraq memoir there is and will be, part Slaughterhouse 5, part Book of Nightmares, all real, and still continuing. The ending is not happy or sad, just a statement: this war will go on, here and everywhere, for a long time.

My favorite section:

The Long Walk. Armor on, gird with breastplate and helm and leggings and collar. No one can put on the bomb suit alone; your Brother has to dress you, overalls pulled up, massive jacket tucked, earnest in its careful thoroughness. Eighty pounds of...more

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Feb 14, 2013 Eric rated it 4 of 5 stars

It's a given: war is a terrible thing that takes a tremendous toll on everyone involved. And here we have a memoir that tells us what we already know. So why is it so extraordinary? Brian Castner tells his story beautifully, without a hint of sentimentality or self-pity. He is a survivor, yet he tells us he died in Iraq. The man who returned from the war was not the man who left--enthusiastically--to fight in it.

The story jumps back and forth between the war and its aftermath in a way that makes...more

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Sep 24, 2012 Rick rated it 3 of 5 stars

I enjoyed Castner's memoir of being a bomb disposal expert during the second Iraq war. Clearly a brave man and a good writer he captures the horror and insanity of that blooodbath. Yet his book while interesting never grabbed me in the same visceral way as the Hurt Locker or Swofford's Jarhead. I have read a fair amount about the crazy nature of the Iraq war and perhaps have become a bit numb to the whole mullah infested Apocalypse Now nature of the conflict. It is highly interesting how intelli...more

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Aug 03, 2012 Karen rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction-you-will-love

This was a random pick-up from the non-fiction section at the library...I think. If someone suggested it and I've forgotten I'm sorry, and thank you for suggesting it.

Brian Castner seems to me to do a great job inviting you inside to understand what his PTSD has done and is doing to him. He takes you on military missions, he takes you for his runs, he takes you all over the his life as he tries to make sense of what has happened to him. If you are a reader who really needs things orderly and dir...more

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Nov 25, 2012 G.d. Brennan rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book makes me really glad I didn’t go to war.

It was a pretty real possibility; I went to military school, and would have been a commissioned officer in the Army but for some medical issues. Meanwhile my friends and classmates ended up in Afghanistan and Iraq, experiencing all the things I once thought I wanted for myself.

These are foolish things to want, though, as Brian Caster’s narrative shows. As an Explosive Ordinance Disposal officer in Iraq, he ended up with more than memories; he end...more This book makes me really glad I didn’t go to war.

It was a pretty real possibility; I went to military school, and would have been a commissioned officer in the Army but for some medical issues. Meanwhile my friends and classmates ended up in Afghanistan and Iraq, experiencing all the things I once thought I wanted for myself.

These are foolish things to want, though, as Brian Caster’s narrative shows. As an Explosive Ordinance Disposal officer in Iraq, he ended up with more than memories; he ended up with events etched in his mind to the point that he literally couldn’t forget, even if he wanted to—the aftermath of IED explosions, the conversations with friends and acquaintances who came home in flag-draped coffins, and perhaps worst of all, the fear that he himself was capable of cruelties as great as any he witnessed. These images and experiences were seared into his mind to the point that they felt more real than the bland everyday existence he returned to when his last tour ended. Rather than gaining experience and good judgment, he went far beyond, and ended up hypersensitive to imagined dangers—the innocuous suburban roadside trash that looked like it could have hidden an IED, the crowd of airport passengers who would have made a tempting target for a suicide bomber—and contemplating the horrible things he was capable of doing to escape such a situation. It’s hard to tell what’s more damaging to the psyche—the horrors seen, or the ones imagined; the ones endured, or the ones one imagines inflicting.

My wife bought this for me as a birthday present, and after reading it (particularly Caster’s descriptions of his marriage after the war) I felt like I’d given her a gift, by not experiencing those things. I thought of my classmates when I read it, and others I knew who made a similar journey; I had acquaintances who didn’t return, and friends who did, and some of them were very nearly the same person, and some of them were very different. Would they have changed similarly without that journey? How worse off would I have been for having taken it? It’s impossible to know, for these are experiments with no controlled variables; there’s no way to repeat them, or to isolate different factors and see what caused what. But this book makes me both grateful that I didn’t find out, and empathetic towards my friends who know things that I never will.

It’s a gripping read, gritty as the desert sand, and full of lessons—it is not just the dreadful past that scars the veteran, but the fears of the frightful future. And yet there’s hope, for Caster makes clear the need to find one’s way home not physically, but mentally: away from memory and fear and disconnection with reality, and towards peace and presence in the present.(less)

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