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French Children Don't Throw Food

3.88 of 5 stars 3.88 · rating details · 365 ratings · 80 reviews

How do the French manage to raise well-behaved children, and have a life?

What British parent hasn't noticed, on visiting France, how polite and civilized French children are, compared to our own? They don't cause havoc in restaurants, they always say 'bonjour' politely to adults, and they never throw tantrums in supermarkets.Why is it normal for French babies to sleep thro...more

Hardcover, 368 pages

Published January 19th 2012 by Doubleday (first published January 1st 2012)

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Feb 13, 2012 Amy rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: foodie-lit

I loved this book and most of the advice. I do think think that 'the pause' is enacted way too early and, although I agree with a feeding schedule, four times a day isn't enough for an infant in my opinion. I love how the French teach their children the importance of Bonjour, Merci, Au Revior, as well as how they introduce them to food and get them involved in the kitchen. Some of the reviewers lambasted the author for depicting the parenting styles of upper-class Parisians as 'out of touch' wit...more

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Anna In my (French) experience, children have 4 meals a day from age 2 (I'm taking the crèche / nursery as a landmark here). My daughter is 3 yrs-old and s...more In my (French) experience, children have 4 meals a day from age 2 (I'm taking the crèche / nursery as a landmark here). My daughter is 3 yrs-old and she goes to school from 8.30 am till 6 / 6.30pm, and she has two meals at school (lunch at 11.30am and "goûter" at 4.30pm). Breakfast before we go, dinner around 7 / 8pm [and dinner usually takes an hour]
To respond to other comments about cosleeping and babywearing, I haven't read the book so have no idea what the author said about that, but just so you know, it is very common practice in France, it's just a matter of preference. I personally had my daughter in the same room as me until she was 2, and she slept with us (cosleeping) until she was about 6months old I think. She slept with us when she needed to after that. A friend of mine (also French) who gave birth a week before me never let her son sleep with her. He was in his own cot from day 1 because she wanted "peace" (which she got, btw!) -- I would say that there are no set rules, just trends, probably like in the US...
About bonjour / au revoir / merci : you have NO IDEA how difficult this is and how important it is. IMHO, it's not so much about the children being well behaved -- it's more about a convention / social thing. It is expected from the children, and parents simply HAVE TO teach their children to say hello / goodbye / thank you, because that's just what everyone expects.
About the food - There are fussy eaters in France (although I remember wondering what the equivalent would be for "fussy" - it took me a while to figure it out, but I did eventually - we say: "il/elle est difficile" (he/she is difficult), but it's true that children will eat everything. I think that again, it's a cultural difference, rather than a parenting issue. Mealtimes are sacred this side of the pond. We eat as a family, same meal for the children from a very young age (when everything is puréed). To give you an example, tonight for dinner we had pumpkin potato and cheese soup with a slice of (buttered) bread followed by chicory, apple, cheese and beetroot salad, cucumber and ginger salad, then some cheese with bread and a dessert (a yogurt or a chocolate pot and fruit purée for my daughter, usually). My daughter ate everything. In fact, she knows that she can't have her dessert if she doesn't eat her soup, the idea being that if you're not hungry for your soup or your cucumber salad, then you can't be hungry for dessert. So she eats the exact same meal as we do. Nothing more, nothing less. There is always a choice of dessert, for everyone (a yogurt or other dairies, a piece of (fresh) fruit (or fruit purée), or a chocolate pot). Obviously, chicory has quite a strong, bitter taste, so she only has to have one or two bites. I don't think I am representative of the French, but this is just to give you an idea... Unfortunately I don't really know what it's like in the States. Is it really very different??
About food preparation - it depends on the family I suppose, but food is very important to me, and my daughter always prepares meals with me - it means we can do something together, and I don't have to worry about what she's up to since we're together. We both have long days at school / work, so it's always nice to spend some quality time in the kitchen, choosing what we'll prepare that night. Let's take tonight for example: she prepared the salad dressing, by measuring and mixing all the ingredients; she put all the potato peels in the bin and then the diced potatoes in the pot. She measured and added the water for the soup, added the salt and pepper, she added the grated cheese to the soup at the end, and, depending on how hot the stove is, she will sometimes stir whatever we're preparing. She also systematically mixes cake batter when we bake, and she sets the table (well, we set the table together - she is in charge of the cutlery). We always go grocery shopping together (as I work full time, like a majority French mothers, I don't really have a choice!) - she always has little tasks, like "get the cheese", "find the ham", etc. and she puts everything we buy on the check-out counter belt and then everything back in the trolley.
I do have one question though - what is the "pause" you are all talking about?
I didn't mean to get into our daily routine, but then I thought if it were the other way around, and I was reading about the American way of bringing up children, I would really like to have some input from a native. This is very random, I know, but if I haven't bored to death, I would like to hear your views on this, Amy, and maybe hear more about "American parenting".
À bientôt!
Anna(less)
Dec 09, 2012 02:02pm

Vanessa Gavrich Hi Anna- the "pause" is allowing babies to cry to see why they are crying rather than jumping in as soon as they squeak. In other words, taking a paus...more
Dec 30, 2012 08:06pm

Jan 17, 2013 Melissa Freeman rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A very interesting, light and entertaining read. The author writes well, and doesn't ramble, or write excessive pats on the back, or self pitying paragraphs.

I found the cross-cultural parenting differences intriguing, and it has definitely given me a few ideas to take home, especially re:encouraging adult time, children playing by themselves as an important skill, children learning patience and not interrupting adult conversations, trying different foods (especially those I had written off as ad...more

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Dec 06, 2012 Catherine Howard-pickett rated it 5 of 5 stars

I've found many books on parenting (I'm a new mum) extremely one-sided, experts telling you their way is the only way and all other methods are wrong/dangerous/threatening the life/health/well-being/development of your new baby. You read enough books - you realise they're all mad in their black & white approach! Don't get me wrong, a little of what each book contains is useful & great to read. But this book is different, it simply shares an experience of parenting, backed up by a bit of...more

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May 02, 2013 Emma Cameron rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Although this was an enjoyable read and was easy to follow I found myself getting increasingly frustrated with smug French women who rear these "perfect children" who sleep through the night, eat all vegetables and never whinge. Really? As I read on I realised that maybe their kids do do all these things but at what price? French women don't like to breastfeed, go back to work very quickly and expect the creche and nursery to bring up their children.

I found myself feeling very sorry for French c...more

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Apr 30, 2013 Perle Dilworth rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

The author is confused and, as a result, the reader is confused. She states that French children do this or that but some don't. Do they or don't they?

She also repeats the same stories chapter after chapter. In the end it gets boring. I forced myself to finish the book for the sake of it.

She also states that Parisian or the French in general do not readily say hello to strangers. That is quite correct as the French are choosy as to whom they befriend. As a person of French parentage myself I can...more

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Mar 19, 2013 Jen Watkiss rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Thanks to a strong case of confirmation bias, I loved this book. Apparently, Neil and I are very "French" parents. We have judiciously applied "The Pause" (not having a name for it until now), and steered as far as we can from the kiddie-food ghetto. As we get into the more willful toddler years, the parts about teaching patience, the "framework," treating your child as a human being capable of some logic and reason, and the role (and importance!) of those small acts of mischief are proving help...more

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Jan 06, 2013 Bec T rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I thought this book was really good. It had some great observations that rang true to me. For example, when the author notices that French children are not only made to say 'please' and 'thank you', but also 'hello' and 'goodbye', as a sign of respect to other people. As I read this I thought 'that totally makes sense.'

I like the way the author makes her observations on both anglophone and francophone parenting methods but decides what is right for her and her family and then implements a littl...more

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May 07, 2013 Greta rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: childrearing

Having read just about every child-rearing book I could get my hands on over the years, and being the Francophile that I am, I couldn't pass this book up, despite the fact that my children can't necessarily benefit from any of the information I gleaned from it at this point. Nevertheless, I found it to be some of the most civilized, enlightening, rational and productive-sounding advice and observations on how to parent available. As an American ex-pat bringing up my children abroad, I must admit...more

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Jan 28, 2013 Tim rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I picked this up thinking it would be similar 'to ' Almost French ' about an American female marrying a European and settling down in Paris.
To a certain extent this is along the same lines, but instead of being concerned with French life in general and French women in particular, this is about having and raising children in France or in particular, Paris.
Much of what the authoress said about French women in ' Almost French ' is echoed in this book.
It is the completely different attitude that tha...more

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Feb 23, 2013 Ruth Broome rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This was a very interesting, well researched book, filled with humour. I loved reading about the French/Parisienne lifestyle and although my children are a bit older now I still picked up a few tips. Being a Mum and having lived in France myself I could relate to and believe a lot of what the author was saying although I think you might struggle with the book if you didn't have either of these two things in common. Sometimes I felt like I was pushing myself to finish it, it was slightly repetiti...more

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Jan 28, 2013 Jocelyn Payne rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I loved this exploration of an American woman's experience with raising her kids in France, and the multitude of cultural differences she encountered regarding breastfeeding, child care, and most importantly, teaching her kids to eat a variety of foods and actually enjoy it. It is very much a personal story, rather than a "how-to" manual. If you want to know how to teach your kids to eat like French kids, then I would recommend the equally interesting "French Kids Eat Everything" by Karen Le Bil...more

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Mar 25, 2013 Sarah Jean rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book cleverly describes and attempts to define what many people have observed without doing so. This is a funny and honest account of an American first-time mother attempting to reconcile what she instinctively knows about parenting from her own upbrining with a very different style of parenting in which she finds herself immersed. Crucially I don't think she criticises either style too heavily, instead choosing to highlight the aspects of each that she sees working well for the benefit of...more

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Apr 19, 2013 Paul rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: book-vipers-monthly-read, books-read-2013

I am not sure if a book on child rearing is supposed to make you laugh out loud, but this one did.

Druckerman writes with rare wit and insight as an American raising children in Paris in the French way. She is married to an Englishman, and between them have all the national stereotypes that you would expect. As a New Yorker, she is neurotic, and he is ambivalent; well you know where I'm coming from.

She has never understood how a French mother can get a child to behave at a dinner table, and after...more

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Apr 04, 2013 Bungo rated it 4 of 5 stars

Humorous and easy to read, this is the only parenting book I've read all the way through! The author is an American, married to an English man, bringing up their babies in France. Pamela Druckerman collates well-known French parenting tips and philosophies and presents them in a way that makes you think: "Duhhh! That's so obvious!" but then you realise that instead of that sensible, level-headed mum, you're the one narrating your child's every move and thinking about the parsley snacks. Some thi...more

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Apr 20, 2013 Theresa Stevens rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: have-read

What an interesting and enlightening book! An intelligent American journalist and her British husband working, living and raising a family (daughter and twin sons) in romantic Paris, France.
Whilst pregnant with their first child (a girl) the French influence is already enveloping the couple! From the time 'bebe' is born, French parents 'pause and listen' to their baby's needs and then deliver food, nappy changes or cuddles! Tiredness doesn't just come with the job, it also makes for grumpy paren...more What an interesting and enlightening book! An intelligent American journalist and her British husband working, living and raising a family (daughter and twin sons) in romantic Paris, France.
Whilst pregnant with their first child (a girl) the French influence is already enveloping the couple! From the time 'bebe' is born, French parents 'pause and listen' to their baby's needs and then deliver food, nappy changes or cuddles! Tiredness doesn't just come with the job, it also makes for grumpy parents and children. But help is readily at hand - the French Government assists parents and subsidises crèches and childcare centres for a very early age. This gives children the first step to independence and parents, especially mothers to regain their former lives. This is not about releasing children into the wild or abandoning them, but the French way of giving children the opportunity 'to feel comfortable in their own skin' and 'to find their path in the world'. Even at a very early age, children are absorbing information and understanding more than we give them credit. In the French childcare system in contrast to the Anglophone (American/British) children are taught to express themselves in creative art and singing and also taught respect and discipline in an atmosphere that reminds me a little of boarding school, but thankfully in a gentler fashion. In France there seems to be no 'quiet or stop' but a sharp retort of 'attend' - wait! Although patience is a virtue - children do listen! The author Pamela has researched the comparisons between French and American parenting - pregnancy services, infants, toddlers and pre-teen, health services and family life traditions. This is not a 'this is what you must do' book, but an entertaining blog of her experiences from planning a pregnancy to birthing, to raising young children in a different setting to how she and her husband were brought up. Interviewing many multi-national and cultural families to help her in writing this book, has also given her the knowledge perspective to raise well-rounded human beings in a calm manner. It is nice to hear, 'hello, please and thank you', especially said with respect. It is nice to have parent time without tantrums and tears and holidays away without the children, but even better with the children; eating in a restaurant where everyone stays in their seats and enjoys their food even fish and vegetables, especially the adults having coffee at the end of the meal... in peace!
I personally feel that this is a fantastic book to read - to gain a different perspective especially with an open fun mind!
Ah yes... Baking day! I cannot wait to try the 'Yoghurt Cake' and 'Hot Cocoa' and then just like a true grandparent, spoil the kids rotten before handing them back to their parents! (chuckle...)(less)

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Sep 22, 2012 Kristin rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is called BRINGING UP BEBE in America. It's remarkable. I'm glad I'm not the only expat who noticed how much better behaved continental children are to Anglophone ones...and how much more chilled out the parents are. Druckerman seemed to sense the backlash she'd get from reading this as she reiterates throughout the book how French parents love their children but have a completely different attitude towards parenting.

It covers everything - from the first few months after the baby is born t...more

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Mar 12, 2012 Melissa Henderson rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Any parent, or anyone who may consider being one in the future

Recommended to Melissa by: The Wall Street Journal

Very interesting read on the differences between U.S. and French parenting styles. The basic lessons from this book include:

1. Teaching your children to delay gratification one minute at a time... from getting to a normal sleep schedule to not interrupting you when talking to adult-friends.

2. Many U.S. parents believes that sacrificing their livelihoods about every self-inflicted sacrifice they decide to partake makes them a better parent. In France (and in my pre-cana classes) the opposite is t...more

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Apr 01, 2013 Elizabeth rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: book-vipers-monthly-reads, a-z-challenge-books, non-fiction, elizabeth-s-a-z-challenge-books

What I liked about this book is that Pamela Druckerman didn't set herself up as the all knowledgeable expert saying "this is what you must do as a parent". I dislike parenting books that dictate rules to me!

This book is more about her experience as a parent bringing up her three children in France, learning to raise her family the French way. We find out all about the cadre (framework), how children learn to be polite to adults and many other things. She readily admits that her own children are...more

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Mar 09, 2013 Sandrine rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

An interesting analysis about parenting, which made me laugh at times. I do care about " Bonjour , au revoir, merci", and although I have not got kids, I sometimes do " les gros yeux" to my niece and my nephew. The difference is I am a french Expatriate, so afterall, I still have a bit of frenchiness in me. I also like the book cover, which is a nice " clin d'oeil" of the French jam jars, " confiture Bonne Maman". ;-) . In all, an enjoyable book to read, even if you have no kids.

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Apr 03, 2013 Reinhard rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I read this book in German (Warum französische Kinder keine Nervensägen sind), without losing any of its wit and wisdom. There are many passages that made me laugh. Found myself and my family somewhere between the two extremes (French and American 'education'), probably heavily influenced by my French studies and the time we have spent in France. I'd recommend it to young parents, teachers and anyone in charge of children and young adults.

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Dec 27, 2012 Tim Gabets rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Автор книги попыталась в своей книге совместить несовместимое - интересную познавательную сагу о весьма специфичной культуре другой страны (культуре воспитания детей и отношения к жизни в целом), и роман о том, "как я семь лет с мужем прожила в Париже". Причем если первая часть действительно интересна, то вторая лично у меня вызывает недоумение - зачем мне нужно знать о её взаимоотношениях с мужем-голландцем? Что мне с того, что автор - американка-еврейка из Нью Йорка, пытающаяся отмечать в Пари...more

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Oct 25, 2012 Asha Carlos rated it 4 of 5 stars

Love this book by Druckerman, it teaches techniques on weaning, how to retrain toddlers who are fussy eaters and the French way of bringing up a child which intermingles so much with the French food culture and way of life.

The author, a New Yorker, who married her English husband ended up in France with her young baby and thereafter twins. She shares with the readers how French mothers do things differently, more often a lot better than American or British mothers. I found the book not only amus...more

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Feb 27, 2013 Julia Streltsova rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: parenting

Прекрасная и смешная книга! Это не учебник по воспитанию, а скорее дневник остроумной американской журналистки, которая, живя в Париже, рожает и воспитывает детей и внимательно наблюдает за «little differences» между американскими родителями и французскими. Как можно догадаться из названия французский подход ей более симпатичен)))

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Mar 02, 2013 Kathleen Cobcroft rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: nonfiction, library-book

Combination chatty memoir of an American raising her children in Paris, with the various culture shock moments you'd expect, and comparison of Parisian and New York childcare ideas. The author is awfully American so I felt like giving her a good shake sometimes (as when she admits to wanting to put rubber flooring in the bathroom in case the kids slipped on the wet tiles). According to this book, the main attributes of a French upbringing are:

Not being constantly picked at or pandered to by you...more

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May 05, 2013 Naomi rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I really enjoyed this. I am expecting my first baby in a couple of months and I found this approach really appealing. The book was mostly well written - more stories than instructions. Some of the stories felt a little incomplete, but in general, I really like the approach. Someone should write an English language book with more information about these French techniques!

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Dec 29, 2012 Fivegoblogging rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I only wish I had read this book when my first child was born. Entertaining, engaging and miles away from the normal preaching style if children's instruction manuals. I cannot recommend this book enough. As applicable to toddlers and preschoolers as babies I still found the ideas refreshing and easily applied.

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Jan 14, 2013 Ana Sors rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book is brilliant. I love the way she writes. There are many a tip for new parents. I learnt through this book, it did open my eyes and I did put in practice the very practical methods she is questioning and trying out with her family. I would highly recommended it. It's funny and a page turner.

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Mar 26, 2013 Sara rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 52-books-of-2013

As someone not interested in having children this was probably an odd choice but what can I say, the title made me chuckle. My friend having just had a traumatic weekend visiting her parents in France.

I had it said once or twice, "you don't want children though" to which I replied "I'm also never going to race in the tour de France but I've read several auto biographies of those that have."
This was an interesting and well written book. Though picking it up was an accident I enjoyed reading it!

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May 07, 2013 Aveline rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I thought this was going to be a humorous diary but it is more of a parenting book so a bit dull in that respect but makes some very pertinent points about the way the Brits raise their kids. A must read for all young parents.

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May 04, 2013 Andrea rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Can't believe I read this on my Holiday - since it was sort of work related! But it was great fun to read, touched on my interest in Food/Nutrition issues... And I Keep thinking about the ideas described that were new to me.

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About Pamela Druckerman

Pamela Druckerman is an American journalist and the author of Bringing Up Bébé (The Penguin Press: 2012); the U.K. version of the same book - French Children Don’t Throw Food (Doubleday UK: 2012); and Lust In Translation (The Penguin Press: 2007).

From 1997 to 2002 she was a staff reporter at The Wall Street Journal, based in Buenos Aires, São Paulo and New York. Her Op-eds and articles have since...more

More about Pamela Druckerman...

Books by Pamela Druckerman

Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting

Lust in Translation: The Rules of Infidelity from Tokyo to Tennessee

Bébé Day by Day: 100 Keys to French Parenting

French Parents Don't Give in: Practical Tips for Raising Your Child the French Way

L'art d'être infidèle : Paris - New York - Tokyo - Moscou

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