Love & Respect

Jan 16, 2008

Amber rated it

· review of another edition

Recommends it for: no one

I have to say that I did not enjoy reading this book at all and would not recommend it to anyone. First, it bothers me that he bases the vast majority of the books basis on a single verse. The description for this book says that Dr. Emerson has done extensive biblical research on his proposed idea of men needing respect and women needing love. However, I see very little that verifies this claim. Extensive biblical research would show Dr. Emerson’s thorough and careful exegesis of Ephesians 5...moreI have to say that I did not enjoy reading this book at all and would not recommend it to anyone. First, it bothers me that he bases the vast majority of the books basis on a single verse. The description for this book says that Dr. Emerson has done extensive biblical research on his proposed idea of men needing respect and women needing love. However, I see very little that verifies this claim. Extensive biblical research would show Dr. Emerson’s thorough and careful exegesis of Ephesians 5:33, which would include the historical background, the verses (and even chapters) surrounding the verse, the background and point of the book of Ephesians as a whole, who wrote the book, why it was written, and who it was written for, as well as a look at the greek that the original verse was written in. That would be extensive biblical research, what Dr. Emerson did in this book, I’m afraid, is not an example of this in the least.

Tying along with that thought, I can find no sources in the back of his book where Dr. Emerson credits the work of anyone else. Pretty much the entire book is comprised of his own research and inflated with lots of inserts that he has received from readers or people who attended his seminars. While that’s very nice and all, it hardly counts as a credible source that would support his findings. On page 14 he says this:

”The insight that I finally found in Scripture, and which I later confirmed from reading scientific research…” (emphasis added)

What scientific research is this?

Who knows, he never tells us!

I find it very hard to consider Dr. Emerson’s book from an academic standpoint when he only quotes his supporters and I can find nothing that any of his colleagues or others on the same standing as himself in the subject may say about his love and respect idea.

Despite numerous other reasons for my dislike of Dr. Emerson’s book, these two reasons are enough to completely discredit the book in my mind. Beyond these two reasons it is obvious as you read the book that the entire thing appears to be a huge infomercial for his seminars and DVDs, which is terrible. I continually get the impression that I am trying to be sold something.

All in all, the book is a great advertisement and appears to be very effective in promoting Love and Respect Ministries. However, I believe anyone looking to strengthen their marriage or prepare to go into one look to other, much more credible, books. I personally suggest His Needs Her Needs by Dr. Harley. (less)

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Jan 05, 2009

Pink rated it

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Recommends it for: any one who doesn't even know how to talk to their spouse anymore

Recommended to Pink by: my bestie, Kels

Shelves: discovering-who-i-am-inside-and-out

The best marriage book I've found so far. Based on the fact that women need love and men need respect. For years that concept turned me off of reading this book, until the wall was so great that I had nowhere else to turn to find out how to talk to my husband again. This book saved my marriage by teaching me how to talk to my hubby in a way that showed him what I was feeling in my heart in a way he understood.

By the way, I don't recommend taking this book from page 1 if you are in di...more

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Sep 20, 2008

Kipahni rated it

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Shelves: 2008-books, marital-bliss

okay don't misunderstand me.
I think it is important for a wife to respect her husband and a husband to love his wife. That being said I didn't care for the way this book was written. The majority of the book was instered letters and e-mails that Mr. Eggerichs recieved praising what miraculous wonders were done in their marriage once she started respecting her husband or He started loving his wife.
I would have liked to have seen more "research" that was mentioned in the book...more

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Aug 08, 2011

Mary Mangan added it · review of another edition

I appreciated the book - and the message was fantastically necessary and well-stated - but it was well-stated by the end of the third or fourth chapter, and the remainder of the book was actually just restatement and repetition.

Nevertheless, I recommend this book to anyone who is married, engaged, or would like to ever be married. The authors truly do have wise advice and insight to impart on the different needs of men and women, why it is as it is, and how to operate within a marriage to meet ...more

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Mar 13, 2009

Dewey rated it

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This is just another pop-psychology, appealing-to-the-masses-but-not-the-truth, feel-good book. It is so popular because it is in the same vein as The 5 Love Languages, His Needs/Her Needs, etc. which center on the anti-biblical/humanistic view of people as "love tanks"/"love banks" rather than the biblical understanding of who we really are (Gen 6:5; Jer 2:13; 17:9; Ecc 9:3; Mk 7:20-23; Gal 5:17; Rom 7, 8)

Yes, it does uses some Scripture, and even part of the boo...more

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Jan 03, 2012

Lana rated it

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I read this book because it was one of the books that Dave Ramsey said he required everyone who worked for him to read. Sometimes the book got a little repetitive, and I didn't agree with a few things, but it gave me some things to think about. He gives a quick review of what men need from women and women need from men on page 260.

Quoting a man with cerebral palsy: "God is preparing me for heaven. . . I am in His oven, so to speak. I am being baked for an eternal purpose. I ...more

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Aug 27, 2011

Susan rated it

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I believe this author has it wrong thinking women are more interested in "FEELING loved" than in BEING respected and treated like intellectual equals. So many women go out of their way to respect (and love) their men to the point of being doormats and yet still feel unloved and disrespected, and are then hit on the head with Bible passages to boot.

It would be beneficial if the author spent equal time showing men healthy ways to communicate what they need in order to feel res...more

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Jul 14, 2011

Natasha rated it

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"The Love She Most Desires. The respect he desperately needs".

I wish I could give a book six stars because this one absolutely earned it! I found that this one book answered 95% of the questions I had in regards to how to best communicate and honour my husband. Although many marriage books give great tips, ‘Love & Respect’ got to the core of how and why men and women interpret love very very differently.

Here are my four best take-aways from the book:

1. ...more

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May 04, 2011

Lifeverse rated it

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Love and Respect written by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is a turning point for any marriage, healthy or not. Decoding the Love and Respect Relationship is the central theme of the book, based upon Ephesians 5:33 [Open in Logos Bible Software (if available)] . We want these basic needs fulfilled and without them, our marriage becomes a bitter battleground for the enemy.

Most often we read the book because someone recommended it. A few years ago when my husband handed me a copy of the book and ...more

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May 17, 2010

Katie Casey rated it

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Recommends it for: married or engaged couples

The Lost Meaning of Ephesians 5:33

Ephesians 5:33 (NIV) states: “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” I think most of us GET the “love” part; yet tend to overlook the “respect” part. In his book, Dr. Eggerichs unpacks this verse for us with plenty of personal stories, scientific studies on gender differences, and additional scripture. Eggerichs explains and illustrates the impact of this verse on relationships...more

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Apr 27, 2010

Cafelilybookreviews rated it

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Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, president of Love and Respect Ministries, has taken the teachings from his seminars and put them into book format.

With three decades of experience, Dr. Eggerichs is committed to helping couples change the way they communicate and treat each other. He teaches breakthrough techniques and shows couples how to stop the crazy cycle of conflict and learn to reach new levels of intimacy. This book is based on the idea that a wife’s driving need is to...more

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Feb 07, 2010

Sueij rated it

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Recommends it for: Linda Murray

Recommended to Sueij by: Uncle Jerry

This book needs two ratings for me:
on the topic of love and respect in marriage: 4 or 5 stars
on his theology and 110% framing of love and respect by that: 1 or 2 stars

On the love and respect part:
Neat ideas. The premise is that what women need from a relationship is first and foremost love, but what men need first and foremost is respect. When a wife doesn't feel loved, she is likely to act in ways that feel disrespectful. When a husband doesn't feel respected, he i...moreThis book needs two ratings for me:
on the topic of love and respect in marriage: 4 or 5 stars
on his theology and 110% framing of love and respect by that: 1 or 2 stars

On the love and respect part:
Neat ideas. The premise is that what women need from a relationship is first and foremost love, but what men need first and foremost is respect. When a wife doesn't feel loved, she is likely to act in ways that feel disrespectful. When a husband doesn't feel respected, he is likely to act in ways that feel unloving. The author gives examples and offers actions and plans for how to change "The Crazy Cycle" into "The Energizing Cycle."

I don't know if love for women and respect for men is really the be-all and end-all in a relationship like Eggerichs suggests, but there was a lot of really good stuff in there.

However, on the topic of his theology:
Eggerichs clearly and explicitly believes in "inspired scriptures," that is, the Bible as the literal given and transcribed Word of God that cannot be questioned. He believes in the absolute authority of the husband in a marriage, that it is adultery for a married man to admire a woman's body who isn't his wife, and other such staunchly fundamentalist perspectives. (To give the man some credit, he is clear that the man's authority doesn't allow for physical abuse -- he tells the women "Get out!" -- and that authority comes with a balancing obligation to care for and honor and protect his wife.)

But asking, "Does it sound chauvanistic to say...?" doesn't make you not a chauvanist. The acronym to help wives act respectfully toward their husband is CHAIRS (as in, Chairman of the Board kind of chair), which stands for Conquest (a poorly chosen word for the weight men give to their professional lives), Heirarchy (his desire to provide and protect), Authority (yep, how he has 100% in the marriage), Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality.

I could hardly stomach the stuff. In the time of the New Testament, slaves were treated like dirt and wives were treated like slaves. Jesus, Paul, and the other early Christians called for a new and radical view of these relationships. Slaves were to be treated humanely, and wives were to be treated with honor. These were radical notions. Now we believe that slavery is just plain wrong, yet some Christians think that the actual recommendations about marriage were the endpoint. I think early Christians called for a radical rethinking in the direction of equality. I believe it's the perspective that we should bring forward, not the absolutes of that time and culture.

So if you can make it through the theology, the love and respect content has something valuable to offer to any relationship. If you can.(less)

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Aug 27, 2009

Melissa rated it

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I have always viewed books on relationships to be a little off. They always tend to lean in one direction. But I wanted to give this one a fair shot and I went into it with a clear mind.

This book revolves around the idea that women need to show respect and men need to show love. And it stops there. It left a bad taste in my mouth. I know many women that deserve respect and many men that crave love. However this isn’t explored. It may have worked at some point, but me...more

I have always viewed books on relationships to be a little off. They always tend to lean in one direction. But I wanted to give this one a fair shot and I went into it with a clear mind.

This book revolves around the idea that women need to show respect and men need to show love. And it stops there. It left a bad taste in my mouth. I know many women that deserve respect and many men that crave love. However this isn’t explored. It may have worked at some point, but men like women with a soft side, that don’t just say “YES SIR”

Once I realized this would be the context of the book, I moved on and accepted that each gender would be taught how to do those specific roles. Not quite the case. This book was written to essentially teach women how to respect the man. Any man that picks up this book will not be given ways on how to love a women. They will just be reinforced on the notion that they “deserve” respect.

Eggerichs example on how women prefer pink and men prefer blue (while some do) seems a bit outdated to me. While, yes, you go into an office for a woman and it has light colours, and an office for a man is usually draped in dark wood, it’s not like that is ALL they like. It made me laugh as I looked around my own office, then went to visit my husbands.

I found the following statement in this book rather irritating as well: “this is how a woman’s mind works” Really? You spoke with EVERY woman. You can’t even make that statement about men, how does he think it applies to women, who are typically more complex!!

I am not saying this book does not make good points. It does. But for me it was a little patronizing. And that would be fine, it is was the point of the book. But the whole point was to show BOTH sides of the issue and present them in a realistic way. A way that works with todays families. This point was missed in this book.

My advice to people, stop reading these books, and actually listed and talk to your partner.
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Jul 16, 2009

Terra rated it

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This book addresses a tremendous lack in literature and teaching within the church regarding marriage. Dr. Eggerichs is absolutely correct to emphasize the respect that wives are called to give their husbands. The main concept is Scripturally sound: husbands are called to love their wives unconditionally and sacrificially; as Christ loves the church; wives are called to unconditionally respect their husbands with words and actions.

Unfortunately, the manner in which Dr. Eggerichs expo...more

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Jan 08, 2012

Laura rated it

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Shelves: towards-god

I like the idea that women need love and men need respect. When I read this basic statement, a light bulb went off in my head because this is how my husband and I function as people in a relationship. However, I do not think that this concept applies to ALL relationships. Some men value love more than respect, and women value respect more than love. And they all value both. Futhermore, I feel like the point of this book was made within the first few chapters. After that, it just got very repetit...more

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Jun 20, 2010

Michael Whennen rated it

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Shelves: relationship-restoration, wisereaction, women-wives

I could relate directly with much of what Dr Eggerichs has written about in his practical experiences dealing people, however I become weary when I read some statements in his book which I did not agree with in relation to his understanding of scripture. Please read Mark Baker's
A Thorough Review & Examination of the Love & Respect book

I agree with Nathan Lugbill (Pastoral assistant, Capitol Hill Baptist Church, Washington, DC) when he says this book (Love & Respect) is well ...more

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Dec 05, 2011

Breeana Shill rated it

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The author's main point is insightful and makes sense. It is that men need respect and women need love. Since reading it, I've sought to say or do things in a way that, I think, would make my husband feel more respected. I've noticed him being more loving in very small (yet significant) ways. So, it's proving to work for me, at least. I'm thankful to the friend who loaned me the book!

I only gave it three stars because the author quotes a TON of scripture, and then talks about whateve...more

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Apr 15, 2009

LeeAnn rated it

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Shelves: self-help, marriage-and-family

I have realized from this book how deeply ingrained men's and women's differences are. Both are important and both are absolutely necessary, but it is time to recognize we are not the same and the same things do not motivate all. In a simple statement from the book, "Husbands and wives need each other." It is not a weakness to recognize this; it is a strength upon which to build.

The main scripture that Dr. Eggerichs uses is one in Ephesians 5:33. He uses a different tra...more

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Jan 25, 2008

Melissa rated it

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This is my second time through this one. The first time through opened my eyes to the concept of respect as a language, which was foreign to me. But I don't think I ever really APPLIED anything that I learned. This time through, I have applied some of the respect suggestions as I've been learning them, and I definitely see that it makes a difference. Now the challenge is going to be to KEEP applying...

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Jul 22, 2011

Angela Blount rated it

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The concepts stressed in the book seem simplistic and repetitive at times, but I have to be honest and say that in spite of technically knowing the concepts ahead of time, I was failing to apply them to my life in a functional way. I needed the repetition and allegories to hammer the points home a few times. Once the head knowledge finally transitioned to practical action, I know for a fact that it's done wonders for my relationship and many others.

Some are annoyed by the conferenc...more

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Feb 09, 2012

Chris rated it

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Though I struggled at the first with Eggerichs' thoughts that all men are this way and all women that way, he eventually settled down with helpful advice. Madelle and I read this book with other couples working on their marriages and we came together weekly to discuss our thoughts.
The author conviced me I should be kinder, gentler, and a better ear to Madelle's concerns. After three weeks of softening me up,the book then diverted into changes Madelle might consider in return to...more

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Mar 24, 2011

Neila added it · review of another edition

Although this book is rife with far more religious mumbo jumbo than I care for, the root message provides a lot of insight as to what men and women are respectively looking to get out of their relationships and how this can lead to a distinct lack of marital bliss when mars and venus aren't speaking one another's language;)

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Jan 03, 2010

Beckie rated it

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It's hard for me to know what to make of this one. The premise of "Love and Respect" is that in a relationship women most want to feel loved, while men most want to feel respected. That may be true in most cases, but the evidence in the book is all anecdotal, so it's hard to know.
I had heard this argument before, and tried to be really open minded reading the book. What do I know?
Eggerichs has built his book (and all seminars and so forth that have surrounded it) on this g...more

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Feb 11, 2011

Daniel Butcher rated it

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Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ in Love and Respect shares what he believes to be the Biblical formula to a successfully marriage. He found this foundational principle in Ephesians 5:33, which calls for men to love their wives and men to respect their husbands. He shows this command is for men to provide their wives unconditional love while women are to provide their husbands unconditional respe...moreLove and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ in Love and Respect shares what he believes to be the Biblical formula to a successfully marriage. He found this foundational principle in Ephesians 5:33, which calls for men to love their wives and men to respect their husbands. He shows this command is for men to provide their wives unconditional love while women are to provide their husbands unconditional respect. Eggerichs details how this principle helps men to draw closer to their wives and women draw closer to their husband. By following Eggerichs’ argument he hopes that couples can avoid the harmful effects of the “crazy cycle.” He then details practical steps for men and women to enter the “energizing cycle” with their spouses so they can eventually enter the “rewarding cycle” where both spouses are able to properly relate to their spouse and to God.
I have wanted to read this book for years. So I had very high expectations for this read. Just hearing the description years ago made me say, “that makes sense.” I would say that overall the Ephesians 5:33 principle is clearly explained by Eggerichs and he stays on point, never straying from his message. Additionally, the practical chapters on the “energizing cycle” seemed highly practical and I have attempted to think these chapters in my own interaction with my wife. However, I have also found not all practices work in all marriages, so though one may play with his practical advice, one also needs to be prepared to abandon techniques that do not work in your unique marriage. My only real criticism is that I feel like he spends too much time justifying the Love and Respect model and referencing Love and Respect conferences. But then, I was someone who believed Eggerichs was onto something and have a Biblical worldview that is familiar with Ephesians 5:33 and willing to accept the verse as Biblical truth that should be lived out in one’s life. In the end, I still believe that Eggerichs has exposed for his readers part of male and female design and how we can energize and reward our spouses by an awareness of a woman’s need for love and a man’s need for love. With this reading behind me, I plan on reading the text again. But this time I’ll read it with my wife.

Review Copy Provided by Thomas Nelson
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Jul 27, 2011

Naomi Downer rated it

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The truths presented in this book are simple and powerful. In such a love-saturated culture, it's easy to overlook a man's need for respect. Even though my husband and I attended on of these conferences just over a year ago, it took me until now, by reading this book, to finally get it. I have learned a lot and am looking forward to putting it into practice. Not just to get my own needs met, but because respecting my husband is obedient to Christ's command and reflects the reverence we are to sh...more

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Feb 19, 2010

Crystal Porter rated it

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I recently had the chance to review the book Love and Respect for BookSneeze.com. I was really quite impressed with how Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is reveal the most simple intimate needs of both men and woman in an effort to break the cycle of craziness that many couples endure.

Love and Respect was able to not only place emphasis on the things that we often do to hurt each other. (unintentionally of course...) Eggerichs stresses that when a woman feels unloved she is conditioned to disre...moreI recently had the chance to review the book Love and Respect for BookSneeze.com. I was really quite impressed with how Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is reveal the most simple intimate needs of both men and woman in an effort to break the cycle of craziness that many couples endure.

Love and Respect was able to not only place emphasis on the things that we often do to hurt each other. (unintentionally of course...) Eggerichs stresses that when a woman feels unloved she is conditioned to disrespect. When a man feels disrespected he is conditioned to treat the woman with a behavior that is unloving. Rather than base our love and respect on conditions:

ie: We shall only give the other person what they need when our needs our met.

Love and respect should be granted to one another WITHOUT CONDITION. Personally this was one of the most relationship altering notions in the entire book. The moment it becomes about what we give to the other person, our needs naturally get met along the way. That is beautiful!

Something that isn't covered in the book but as a reader who is trying to evolve her own relationship, I feel it is important to mention is not to forget that since our brains are all a certain percentage female and male, the exact recipe of love and respect that a person needs varies slightly from person to person.

One of the things that I really enjoyed about Dr. Eggerichs writing style is that his advice is not one sided. He often refers to the perspective of his wife and covers the emotions that both parties have experienced in any given situation. He even mentions in his book that him and his wife often lead marriage seminars together and includes various letters written from men and woman whose lives have been changed.

I absolutely would recommend this book to everyone especially those who feel that they are stuck in the crazy cycle themselves. There are bible references within the book. That doesn't bother me whatsoever although I am aware some people might not feel entirely comfortable with that.(less)

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Jun 15, 2009

Erin rated it

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Please don't misunderstand where I'm coming from. I really find the issues of loving one's wife and respecting one's husband, often misunderstood, overlooked and under-emphasized themes in today's society. However, I don't believe that this particular author needed an entire book to say that. Its repetitive, poorly written and doesn't address the depth and complexity of a healthy relationship. It tends to be simplistic in its approach to male and female roles. Again, don't misunderstand me ...more

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Jul 27, 2011

James Kuhn added it · review of another edition

(Composite Rating)

The writing: 2 stars. The ideas: 4.5 stars.

Eggerichs's attempt to explain these ideas was, unfortunately, quite repetitive. The entire book might have been written in 50 pages. While I grant that some modern readers (those with 3-second attention spans) need this kind of reinforcement, it was still overdone. And not just with the concepts, but the numerous, highly similar stories.

On the other hand, almost everyone should read this book (once) or go to one of his conferences. T...more

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Feb 12, 2011

Dan rated it

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Like many Christian books, the authors have a really insightful point, namely that women need love and men need respect. They make this point really well in about 10 pages. The rest of the book is a broken record containing this same point told over... and over... and over... and over... and over... and over... and... well, you get the point. Some of the stories are humorous, and they definitely help make the point in the beginning. But after about 25 pages there is no new information, just a re...more

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Oct 06, 2011

Sabrina rated it

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I learned a lot about Respect and how my husband might view it. I also learned that as a wife I needed to understand more of what my husband views as respect and how I have learned to view it over the years. I had my husband read it too. We both gained great insight on how to treat each other with love and respect from this book. Every couple should read this to learn more about the other. Many of us have not been raised in homes with enough love and respect shown between parents. When I p...more

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