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A Complicated Kindness

3.58 of 5 stars 3.58 · rating details · 7,472 ratings · 612 reviews

In this stunning coming-of-age novel, award-winner Miriam Toews balances grief and hope in the voice of a witty, beleaguered teenager whose family is shattered by fundamentalist Christianity
"Half of our family, the better-looking half, is missing," Nomi Nickel tells us at the beginning of A Complicated Kindness. Left alone with her sad, peculiar father, her days are spent...more

Paperback, 264 pages

Published August 17th 2005 by Counterpoint (first published September 15th 2004)

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Nov 20, 2009 Nine rated it 4 of 5 stars

(A slightly edited version of this review appears at The Rumpus.)

I started reading A Complicated Kindness on my last day in Barcelona. I ran away to Barcelona because of a girl. Also I’d been grumpy and mopey for the previous month or so, due to the whole uncertain future thing, so really the whole disappointment with the girl just kind of tipped me over the edge. I figured I could fritter my money away while moping in Edinburgh, or I could fritter it away travelling.

I’d never really bothered to...more (A slightly edited version of this review appears at The Rumpus.)

I started reading A Complicated Kindness on my last day in Barcelona. I ran away to Barcelona because of a girl. Also I’d been grumpy and mopey for the previous month or so, due to the whole uncertain future thing, so really the whole disappointment with the girl just kind of tipped me over the edge. I figured I could fritter my money away while moping in Edinburgh, or I could fritter it away travelling.

I’d never really bothered to read any blurb about the book because I knew John K Samson liked it and that was enough for me. It turned out that it was nothing like whatever I assumed from the title or the cover.

It’s about Nomi, a sixteen-year-old in a Mennonite community in rural Canada. She lives with her father, who’s one of the nicest fictional fathers I’ve ever encountered. Her mother and sister left three years ago and haven’t been heard from since. Nomi and her father are both kind of struggling along and both doing kind of weird things, which seems like a reasonable reaction to a fucked up situation in a place where God is more important than family. Nomi isn’t a believer any more and she drinks and takes drugs and hangs out with her boyfriend and gets into trouble at school. She has insomnia and frequently wanders the town at night and does unpredictable things.

I always love teen angst. This book really kind of brings it home, because it’s not just ordinary teen angst, you know, my-life-is-so-hard-why-won’t-he-notice-me, it captures the despair and the frustration of not having any control, especially when you’re in a place where American tourists come to gawp at how quaint you all are. It’s no wonder Nomi is so cynical.

Then there’s the religion stuff. When her sister left, Nomi was inconsolable, believing her sister would go to hell. I remember that kind of worry from my own Christian indoctrination. It was really tough to get your head around, that people you loved were going to hell, no matter how nice they were, if they didn’t accept Jesus as their personal saviour.

And I love all the bits where Nomi is just wandering aimlessly and examining the thoughts in her own head. Sometimes she invents games to play to keep herself occupied, like: today I’m going to say goodbye to everyone I see, and pretend I’m leaving town.

At the moment I am really relating to all her restlessness, because I feel like I can’t stay in Edinburgh for more than two days without getting twitchy, and I’m not sure what’s up with that. I try being restless in different locations like the bath or the futon, but that’s not very exciting, and it’s too goddamn cold to wander the streets. I talked to Alice two days ago. She was like: I just can’t be bothered meeting new people these days, you know?

And I was like: yeah, I know. I mean, pretty much every time I walk down the street I check people out, right? But these days I just think, oh, you look cool, but you’re probably actually really pretentious or boring or vacant or obnoxious or immature or whatever. So there isn’t even any point in looking at people any more.

So that’s kind of where I’m at and why I liked this book right now and if you relate to any of that maybe it will work for you too.(less)

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Nov 09, 2009 Terence rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Recommended to Terence by: Stefanie

My friend Stefanie (who recommended the book) and I share a love of reading but rarely do our Venn diagrams overlap except when it comes to novels about alienated, mixed-up teens.

Nomi Nickel joins Daniel Handler's Flannery Culp (The Basic Eight) as one of my favorite characters. Like Flan, Nomi is a bright, sympathetic teen-ager struggling to create a reasonably happy life for herself.

She's also, like Flan, one of the least reliable narrators in the history of literature.

The Nickels are Mennonit...more

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Jan 03, 2009 Chimera rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: owned, across-cultures

I’ve let a few days pass since I finished this book, but I have to admit I’m still not sure what to make of it… It was highly recomended to me and proved to be a very interesting read but I feel like I missed out on much of its meaning.

Written in the voice of Nomi, it follows her trains of thought from one idea to the next, from past to present, from misery to humour, from memory to hope… I found the resulting account difficult to follow and get caught in. But at the same time it brings us strai...more

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Aug 04, 2010 Brad rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: canadian-lit, x-acto-knives-are-nice-and-shiny, religion

As I read Miriam Toews' A Complicated Kindness, I couldn't stop thinking about Richard Dawkins' assertion that religion is child abuse.

Looking around at our neighbours and friends, ourselves and our parents, it is easy to laugh off this idea. We may see our churches doing good works in the community; they may be providing relief for Haiti or some other disaster struck land; they may be providing shelter for the homeless or the physically abused; their beliefs and morality may be providing guidan...more As I read Miriam Toews' A Complicated Kindness, I couldn't stop thinking about Richard Dawkins' assertion that religion is child abuse.

Looking around at our neighbours and friends, ourselves and our parents, it is easy to laugh off this idea. We may see our churches doing good works in the community; they may be providing relief for Haiti or some other disaster struck land; they may be providing shelter for the homeless or the physically abused; their beliefs and morality may be providing guidance to people around us; so yes, there are a number of good things that churches can do, which makes it easy to scoff at the idea that religion is inherently abusive. Perhaps it is too easy to scoff, though.

A Complicated Kindness is all about how a church and its beliefs abuse a congregation -- but specifically how the ideas of Menno Simons and his modern Mennonite followers destroy the Nickel family.

Nomi, her sister Tash, her mother Trudie, and her father Ray lose everything because of their religion. They lose each other, they lose themselves, they lose their sanity, and they are forced to make their way in the world -- or not -- despite the irreparable damage done to them by the belief system they were born into. None of them chose to be Mennonites. They were born Mennonite, raised Mennonite, and destroyed Mennonite.

Their religion was abusive in the worst possible ways, and as I loved Nomi more and more, as I came closer to her pain through her fragmented stream-of-consciousness, as my anger rose, I started to accept Dawkins' point in a way I'd never allowed myself before.

But Dawkins is not the only one calling religion abusive; he is not alone in his opposition. Nicholas Humphrey, author of The Mind Made Flesh, "argues that, in the same way as Amnesty [International:] works tirelessly to free political prisoners the world over, we should work to free the children of the world from the religions which, with parental approval, damage minds too young to understand what is happening to them."

Miriam Toews' beautifully sad story brought me one step closer to agreeing with the assertions of these men; I only wish I had enjoyed the story more than I did. Although I am sure I wasn't supposed to leave it with a smile, I would like to have left it with something other than a deep depression.(less)

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Sep 02, 2012 Krystie Park rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A Complicated Kindness by Miriam Toews is the story of a girl's journey through Mennonite culture, and her struggle to break free.

Nomi is a teenage girl living with her extremely religious father in a town known for simplicity and restriction from the outside world. After her mother and sister escape from their Mennonite community to pursue a more carefree and less religious lifestyle, Nomi is left questioning the real meaning of life. Nomi constantly tries to find release from her overbearing...more A Complicated Kindness by Miriam Toews is the story of a girl's journey through Mennonite culture, and her struggle to break free.

Nomi is a teenage girl living with her extremely religious father in a town known for simplicity and restriction from the outside world. After her mother and sister escape from their Mennonite community to pursue a more carefree and less religious lifestyle, Nomi is left questioning the real meaning of life. Nomi constantly tries to find release from her overbearing life by rebelling against the strict rules of the Mennonite town with her boyfriend and drugs. As the real reasons for her mother and sister's disappearance unravels, Nomi's life comes crashing down in front of her eyes and she enters a dark world; her only way to save herself is by escaping the only town she ever knew.

Miriam Toews's writing style is the strong point of this book. I have to admit, it took me a while to adjust to it, however, I did enjoy it by the end of the novel. Her run on sentences and lack of quotation marks makes you really feel like you are jumping right into Nomi's head and thinking with her. By the end of the novel, you feel what Nomi feels, you think how Nomi thinks, you hurt like Nomi hurts. You stop questioning why she makes such radical choices, and instead you start despising the world she lives in, like she does. Had it not been for the writing style, I don't think I would have made it through the book.

In terms of plot, this book completely lacked one. It jumped around so much that I was left constantly confused and wondered if I had missed something. I've now read this book twice, hoping to fill in the blanks, and I'm still as lost as I was the first time. Different people and names are thrown at you so often that I had a hard time remembering anything significant about any of them! Another thing that bothered me is that so many questions are left unanswered that you are left more frustrated than satisfied.

Overall, this book is worth a read for the writing style and to try something new, however, I don't recommend reading before bed as it will put you to sleep before you even get through a very short [6-10 page] chapter. (less)

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Dec 10, 2007 Joanna rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2007-read, coming-of-age

I absolutely loved this book, though it was not at all what I expected. I'd thought that the book would have more focus on the Mennonite church and its practices, but instead the book was one of the more wonderful character-driven novels I've read. The book fell apart in the final chapter, but I'm willing to forgive the author not knowing how to end because the rest fo the book was such a delight to read. The book captures the experience of faith followed by questioning in a way that was startli...more

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Apr 23, 2008 Charlotte rated it 3 of 5 stars Recommends it for: precocious teenage narrators, God

I don't know, is this a three? It was a fun read. I loved the narrator and I wish she could have come over to hang out. But, there was a little too much drama in the plot. I mean, you already have a Mennonite girl whose mother and sister have left the community (shunning! there are days when I want to shun people) and who is having a spiritual/drug-induced personal crisis. How much more drama do you need? Affairs, best friends dying, sad old people, etc--no. You do not need these things. I'm gla...more

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Jan 02, 2012 Urban Crow rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction, canadian, governor, general-s, award

you know, it's really too bad that rohinton mistry won the governer general's award for a fine balance a few years back because now i expect every gg winner to be that good, which is why i picked up this book. having said this, a complicated kindness is a somewhat enjoyable read about a young woman marooned in mennonite town in manitoba while her family disappears, one by one, from around her. no doubt, this book stands in the canadian tradition of flat external landscapes with which tumultous i...more

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Mar 05, 2013 Cassy rated it 1 of 5 stars

Let me first say that I myself am Mennonite (that's why I picked it up, ooh a book on Mennonites!) That means that my parents speak low German, the families are larger than average, we go to church, and the women are usually great cooks who make delicious dishes with German names. We're actually pretty average people. Being Mennonite does not mean that church rules over every single freaking aspect of our lives.

This book reeked, positively stank, of falseness. Really, a main character who does...more Let me first say that I myself am Mennonite (that's why I picked it up, ooh a book on Mennonites!) That means that my parents speak low German, the families are larger than average, we go to church, and the women are usually great cooks who make delicious dishes with German names. We're actually pretty average people. Being Mennonite does not mean that church rules over every single freaking aspect of our lives.

This book reeked, positively stank, of falseness. Really, a main character who does drugs and wanders around aimlessly and has the last name Nickel? (seriously, Toews, you should have picked Dyck or Wall or Giesbrecht or Bergen; something more Mennonite [oh wait, I'm sorry, you call them Mennos, my bad]). I don't think Toews knew anything about Mennonites, and it showed. I guess you never know what being truly peeved feels like until an outsider misrepresents your culture and passes it off as true.

Even if I didn't have beef with the authenticity, I still would have hated the book. There is no plot, at all. The whole book is a series of situations that occur with seemingly no connection to each other, and the book just rambles on and on about stuff I could care less about.

On the subject of things I could care less about, cue Nomi, the Menno girl who could've died and I would have yawned. She spends all her time pointlessly analyzing things and being depressed, when really she should have gotten over herself and did something worthwhile. I would say that I hated her, but hate is too strong of a word for my indifference.

The style killed me as well. If an author gets it in their head not to use quotation marks, then there better an obviously darn good reason why they chose to piss on the literary laws. Literature is meant to be interpretive, rules are meant to be toyed with, but this went too far. Also, a bunch of random events strung together isn't unique and interesting, it's just pointless. There has to be a reason why the author meticulously details certain points in the character's life. 'If I Stay' is a book where the author handled that beautifully. This book used it to become the dullest thing known to man.

Obviously, I was incredibly bored while reading this, but I continued because I was on the hook and chain technique where the author baits the reader, if they just keep going, maybe I'll let you know what the heck is going on, and why things are the way they are. The revelations fell flat, and did not leave me satisfied whatsoever. Nothing in the book did.

In conclusion, I have no idea why that everyone I talked to liked it. This book tried to be shocking and insightful but ended up farting on the porch. Toew does not 'write like an angel', like the review on the jacket claimed. She writes like a moody, pretentious brat. I think she and Nomi would get along nicely.(less)

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Feb 01, 2013 Kathleen Hagen added it

Shelves: 2013-audio

A Complicated Kindness, by Miriam Toews, Narrated by erin Moon, Produced by Recorded Books, downloaded from audible.com.

This book is really comprised of three-quarters humorous with razor-sharp wit and some nostalgia, and, particularly the last chapter, a wallop to the gut making it clear that the author has a message. This story is told from Nomi Nichol’s point of view. She is a teenager whose family belongs to one of the most fundamentalist sects of the Minnonite church, living in Canada. Whil...more

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Aug 20, 2012 Siew Ee rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book is about a 16-year-old year girl called Nomi who lives in a Mennonite community in Manitoba, Canada.

It’s a coming-of-age story, of a very sad unenviable episode in a teenager’s life where she had to cope with the abandonment of sister and then mother, as well as absence of faith in a strict and restrictive Mennonite life. Nomi’s tender and sometimes-funny musings yo-yos between quiet hope for a better life for herself and her father, and hopelessness in a situation from which she long...more

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May 08, 2012 Katarina added it

A Complicated Kindness is about Nomi, a teenage girl living in a Mennonite community. Abandoned by her mother and sister, Nomi lives with her solitary father in the only world she knows of. This novel made me question many things and by the end of the book all I wanted to do was buy Nomi Nickel a plane ticket to New York City and introduce her to Bob Dylan.
The novel is told through Nomi Nickels wildest thoughts, vivid dreams, and horrid nightmares. This was my favourite and least favourite aspe...more A Complicated Kindness is about Nomi, a teenage girl living in a Mennonite community. Abandoned by her mother and sister, Nomi lives with her solitary father in the only world she knows of. This novel made me question many things and by the end of the book all I wanted to do was buy Nomi Nickel a plane ticket to New York City and introduce her to Bob Dylan.
The novel is told through Nomi Nickels wildest thoughts, vivid dreams, and horrid nightmares. This was my favourite and least favourite aspect of the novel, I was able to become so close to Nomi that I was starting to feel her anguish, pain, happiness and joy. I understood Nomi’s character better because of the perspective the novel was in. Nomi asked herself “ Is it wrong to trust in a beautiful lie if it helps you get through life.” As Nomi was thinking about this, she managed to invite me in to her world and I also started to think about. What Nomi thought, I thought. The proximity to her thoughts was a good thing because I was able to understand the events firsthand and the story line moved much quicker that way, all the events would unfold themselves and explain themselves. This was a negative aspect as well because thoughts are hectic and Nomi’s were especially unorganized and the purpose of each thought was hard to grasp. Her thoughts rush from one to another, constantly changing topics. She’ll be talking about school one day and then spontaneously go back to thinking about her mother. The perspective was intriguing to me, even though the thoughts were hard to grasp, it made the novel an endless labyrinth of Nomi’s thoughts. And who doesnt like a puzzle? Miriam Toews, the author, also uses flashbacks very often which was my absolute favourite element of the book. The book starts with Nomi at the age of 16 so the reader does not know of what happened before then, these flashbacks give me an idea and understanding of what Nomi is going through at this point in her life. The very important flashbacks in the book were the days that she would remember her mother and sister. These ones helped me realize why it was so traumatizing for Nomi to be alone. One of the flashbacks forced me to understand what Nomi’s mother was like. “there was something seething away inside of her that day, that year, something fierce and unpredictable, like a saw in a birthday cake. But that was Trudie” Trudie was a wild card, and Nomi’s flashbacks of her mother made me realize that. If the author had not used the flashbacks, we would not know who Trudie really was, memories are stronger than opinions.
Novels usually have proper grammar. I brought the bag over to the stove is an example of proper grammar. Nomi Nickel says “ I brang the bag over to the stove.”That in fact, is not proper grammar. “Brang” is not even a word as far as the Oxford Dictionary is concerned. ‘A Complicated Kindness’ was not grammatically correct for a reason. Many people forget that a 16 year old teenage girl most likely does not think in proper etiquette. I know that I don’t think that way. The novel is from the perspective of Nomi’s thoughts which are supposed to be un edited as all thoughts are. I particularly enjoyed this element of the novel because it added a certain rawness and reality to Nomi’s strong character.
A complicated kindness was an intriguing novel that captured my attention in the first sentence. This novel was like no other book I have read and I highly recommend it to anyone from any age, I believe that you are never too young to be educated on the meaning of life.

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Mar 13, 2012 Anita rated it 4 of 5 stars

��A complicated kindness is an excellent book although disturbing at times and somewhat inconclusive it is very well written and the characters are exceptionally engaging.
Told through the eyes of Nomi Nickel a young girl on the brink of finishing high school in a small Mennonite town. She is bewildered and confined by the rules and strictures set forth by her town and the religion that the people live by. She has many insightful and quirky observations about the life style she is forced to live...more

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Feb 04, 2011 Darren Tang rated it 5 of 5 stars

At the end of this novel, I truly felt a strong connection to Nomi. After every chapter I got a stronger sense of what it means to try and find out who you are in such a crazy world. It is not only refreshing but also heartbreaking to hear a voice like Nomi's, begin to arrive at the realization that her childhood is in the past. So honest, so captivating, so powerful, but yet so sad in almost a humourous way. I believe that it is Nomi's memories of seemingly insignificant events that struck a ch...more

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Jan 06, 2011 Andrea rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: reviewed

“I hated it” was my loud outburst when a nice polite dinner conversation with friends turned to the discussion of this book. My outburst surprised me, not because it was loud and obnoxious since I am often guilty of being both, but because I didn’t know that I had such passion for this book! I had no idea I “hated it” until the words came tumbling out of my mouth.

Until that time, I think I would have described my thoughts about the book as ambivalent. I found the whole thing to be rather tediou...more

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Mar 10, 2010 Crystal_w rated it 3 of 5 stars

A Complicated Kindness written by Miriam Toews was definitely complicated to understand yet included many interesting aspects to it. The novel is about a prairie Mennonite teenage girl, whose sister and mother has been ex-communicated from the church. She is left to live with her father, Ray, and goes through her own teenage depression and angst. The result of her family’s departure is her taking drugs, smoking, drinking alcohol and skipping school. Miriam Toews captures Nomi’s emotions well, a...more A Complicated Kindness written by Miriam Toews was definitely complicated to understand yet included many interesting aspects to it. The novel is about a prairie Mennonite teenage girl, whose sister and mother has been ex-communicated from the church. She is left to live with her father, Ray, and goes through her own teenage depression and angst. The result of her family’s departure is her taking drugs, smoking, drinking alcohol and skipping school. Miriam Toews captures Nomi’s emotions well, and you can clearly see the pain and depression Nomi must feel. At times, you often feel bad for Nomi and Ray for why didn’t they also leave the town behind. The two characters form an interesting relationship, often writing notes to each other and asking questions they don’t know the answers to. One time Nomi asks why Trudie had left them, and Ray who always attempts to find answers responses “She didn’t take you with her because you were sleeping when she left” this part shows the affect the departure has on the two and as much as Ray wanted to be a good father, he also did not have answers to everything. One aspect I particularly liked was the characters, Nomi a teenager who unsure about her decisions in life, and often looks back to past to how things could have been “I don’t know how she felt about it. I never had the chance to ask her” (Toews, 189). Another character that intrigued me is Ray; he does many intriguing things like wearing a suit everyday even while gardening, writing notes and leaving them in his shoe for the next morning and the randomly selling of furniture, in a way symbolizing the leaving of their previous family members.

The book however, did contain some parts in which I didn’t like, for example the constant flashbacks that seemed irrelevant to the plot, and how they were too long and often drifted away from the plot. At The flashbacks were too much sometimes, that the plot barely even existed. Another aspect I did not like was the mystery in the novel; you always seem to wonder to yourself where did Tash and Trudie go and why they had to leave, yet the book never really explains it clearly, it never gives you a clear cut answer and that made the book difficult to read at times.

Overall, the book included many interesting aspects for example the plot. The main characters were also lovable and the endings twist would surely make you enjoy the novel.
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Feb 13, 2010 Edith rated it 4 of 5 stars

This story is of a 16-year-old Mennonite (those with ancestors from Russia) girl in Canada who is left with her patient and bewildered father after her older sister and her mother have left town. There is no communication from either of the “excommunicated” women and Nomi and her father are floundering in their lives. Nomi is a lost rebel who is trying to make sense of the upheaval in her life. She smokes, drinks, skips school, wanders around town at night, hangs out a lot with her boyfriend, an...more

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Apr 24, 2011 Lisa rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Recommended to Lisa by: Kevin from Canada

Shelves: canada, 21st-century, fiction

This is an interesting book. Autobiographical in origin, it’s a coming-of-age novel which explores the angst of a teenage girl brought up in the Mennonite sect. Nomi Nickel’s family has been torn apart because her mother and sister have left town while she – longing to escape the strictures of her religion – is still at home with her father and trying to solve the mystery of their sudden departure.

Narrated from Nomi’s point-of-view, A Complicated Kindness reveals the harshness, inflexibility and...more

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Oct 26, 2009 Shiela rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: young-adult, female-protagonist, general-fiction

Meh... I know several of my esteemed colleagues highly rated this one but it just didn't do it for me. There were too many unanswered questions and not enough closure. So what happened to the mom and sister? What happened to father and her best friend? What did she end up doing with her new found freedom and life? And what was up with that thing from Mr. Quiring? I think I totally got lost on that part. I plodded along the book waiting for something to happen and it just didn't. I did enjoy her...more

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Jun 05, 2009 Evanston Public Library added it

Nomi Nickel is a 16-year-old girl living in a Mennonite community in rural Canada and hating every second of it. When her rebellious older sister and long suffering mother flee for greener pastures, Nomi is left alone with her father trying to figure out what went wrong, where to go from here, and how to avoid her seemingly inevitable fate beheading chickens at the local slaughterhouse. The character of Nomi is beautifully written, wrenching your heart, tickling your gut, and punching your funny...more

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Oct 21, 2012 Katherine Clark rated it 4 of 5 stars

I read this book because it was required of all CIA freshmen. I asked my students if any of them wanted to present from this book, and only one volunteered to do so (and I think that was because he thought it would be less work than finding some info on con men.) Overwhelmingly, my students did not like this book, and now that I have read it within 24 hours, I can't wait to challenge them about it. Either they didn't read it, or only read half of it or...

I think it is an amazing book. It does a...more

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May 19, 2011 Lavinia rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: do-not-recommend

After a long break of not reading (because of school) I was excited to get back into it and decided to start with A Complicated Kindness since it has received much praise from some of my peers. It looked like an easy read and I had expected to finish it in maximum two days, instead it took me about two weeks to finally finish it because I couldn't find myself interested. I really disliked this book and I don't think the writing was bad but I couldn't relate or feel any sort of emotion toward any...more

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Jul 24, 2012 Rachel rated it 5 of 5 stars

"When I got to school I told my teacher I was on cloud nine. I told her I was so happy I could fly. I told her I felt so great I wanted to dance like Fred Astaire.

She said life was not a dream. And dancing was a sin. Now get off it and sit back down. It was the first time in my life that I had been aware of my own existence. It was the first time in my life that I realized that I was alive. And if I was alive, then I could die, and I mean forever. Forever dead. Not just heaven, not eternal life...more

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Jun 18, 2013 Falina rated it 4 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Mar 19, 2011 Lynda rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: spring-challenge-2011

Summary: Nomi Nickel, 16-year-old Manitoba Menno(nite) girl, waxes nostalgic over the missing "better-looking half" of her fambly (her mother Trudie and her sister Tash) while yearning to live in NYC.

Overall, I didn't have any problem with the train of thought disjointedness of Toews' prose. She really captures the boringness of growing up in a small town and manages to offset the inherit sadness of the novel with humor. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll hate The Mouth (Nomi's uncle). And given A...more

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Jun 25, 2009 Illusha added it

With "A Complicated Kindness", Toews succeeds in creating a colourful world with interesting and quirky characters. Indeed, quirky may well be the best way to describe Toews' novel, which follows the struggles of an adolescent girl in an Amish Mennonite community in a Canadian border town. While the adolescent voice did begin to grate on me towards the end of the book, I found myself greatly enjoying Nomi's cynical one-liners and dialogue with her family. The book is paced fairly well, although...more

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Apr 01, 2010 Carol rated it 4 of 5 stars

I found this a compelling read. The narrator gives a many faceted look at the pyschological journey of a person who finds themself in the throes of a religious group that does not answer their needs. Toews builds this story around one family's life in a church whose vestiges of bibilical intrepretation are based on the early days of the original leader regardless of its application to religious theory or modern technology. The fact that the narrator is a teenager whose loving parents are confuse...more

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Apr 21, 2013 Michelle rated it 5 of 5 stars

I picked this book up, my expectations high. This book did not dissapoint. It rose to one of my favourites. I won't provide a summary, because you can easily find one. I believe to enjoy a book like this, you must relate. It won't make sense if you've never felt hopeless, trapped, overly thoughtful. I sat their reading the book, almost convinced that somehow the author had gotten into my head and pulled out all my thoughts and translated them into words on a page so perfectly that my heart broke...more

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Apr 04, 2009 Louise rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction

Miriam Toews has done a wonderful job of depicting teenage life in a dismal Mennonite community.

The narrator and main character Nomi, expresses very well the conflict and confusion she feels as a youth growing up in this ruled society. The clarity of writing is amazing and you are able to picture and feel this 'other' world in which Nomi lives and felt like you walking along side of her.

Nomi's struggle to come to terms with both her mother and sister's disappearance, leave her alone with a fathe...more

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Jan 04, 2009 Zack Rock rated it 5 of 5 stars

Toews' magnum opus, a fictionalized remembrance of her childhood in a small Canadian Mennonite village. Although the author manages sympathy for many of the novel's more unseemly characters, the bitterness of her experiences is palpable throughout the work. Hilarious and painful, the main character's life is one you can't help but wish to be a part of even as it falls inevitably apart.

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About Miriam Toews

Miriam Toews is a Canadian writer of Mennonite descent. She grew up in Steinbach, Manitoba and has lived in Montreal and London, before settling in Winnipeg, Manitoba.

Toews studied at the University of Manitoba and the University of King's College in Halifax, and has also worked as a freelance newspaper and radio journalist. Her non-fiction book "Swing Low: A Life" was a memoir of her father, a vi...more

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Quotes from A Complicated Kindness

“Is it wrong to trust in a beautiful lie if it helps you get through life?” — 38 people liked it

“Things shouldn't hinge on so very little. Sneeze and you're highway carnage. Remove one tiny stone and you're an avalanche statistic. But I guess if you can die without ever understanding how it happened then you can also live without a complete understanding of how. And in a way that's kind of relaxing.” — 18 people liked it

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A Complicated Kindness

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