And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives
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And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives

3.65 of 5 stars 3.65  ·  rating details  ·  258 ratings  ·  56 reviews
Having a baby is a joyous experience, but even the best relationships are strained during the transition from duo to trio. Lack of sleep, never-ending housework, and new fiscal concerns often lead to conflict, disappointment, and hurt feelings. In And Baby Makes Three Love Lab™ experts John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman teach couples the skills from their successful w...more
Hardcover, 272 pages
Published January 9th 2007 by Crown (first published 2007)
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Jessica
"When we savor each other, our abies rest in the cradle of our contentment". -John Gottman

I thought this was a great book, that gives great tips on how to preserve intimacy and romance after baby comes. I also read John Gottman's Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, and found a lot of the same information and tools in this book as he used in that book. I love Gottman's idea of Love Maps.

As with any Marriage book you take what you like and leave what you don't. There are some things in the...more
Julia Murtha
This book came highly recommended from my early childhood teacher. The idea and concept of the book is excellent as most people experience difficulty in maintaining their relationship after bringing home a baby. The author does a great job of outlining basic ways to get and stay connected to your partner. The disappointing part of the book is that the author provided examples of partners that held very traditional roles-- father works and is hands off and mother is the main caregiver. Also, he a...more
Steven Salaita
The only reason I wouldn't proclaim this to be the stupidest fucking American parenting book around is because there's such stiff competition in this particular marketplace.

I'm now fully convinced that the entire "parenting book" industry is a scam perpetrated by dumb-but-shrewd author/shrinks against dumb-and-naive white parents-to-be.
Erika RS
A baby puts stress on a relationship. How well a couple weathers that stress is important both for the health of that relationship and on the longer term happiness and well being of the baby. The affects are both direct and indirect: stress can lead directly to distress in everyone in the family, and it can also lead to eventual divorce and the negative consequences of that.

This book takes a practical and concrete approach to helping couples handle the changes that a new baby brings. Unlike much...more
Kirsten
This book should really be called, "How to Not Get Divorced," although that title's not very catchy. Basically, relationship satisfaction rates plummet after couples have babies. The Gottmans endeavored to find out why, and more importantly, to find out exactly what the successful couples were doing that had them stay married and satisfied with their relationships. What I liked about this book is the same as what several people said when recommending it to me. The authors don't have some vague i...more
April
I went to the library to get a different book by the same author and happened to see this title. Even though in our case, it's "And Bab[ies:] Make [Four:]," I still found it's principles to be applicable :-) I would like to see, though, a book written specifically for parents of multiples. I think it would be helpful to realize that we weren't/aren't the only ones that have a very stressful time with the new babies and experience quite a bit of strain that they put on a marriage.

He is honest ab...more
Tracy
This book helps new parents understand that the marriage relationship is more important than ever when couples have their first child. With the many more demands on time and energy that a baby brings, couples must be more intentional about protecting their marriage and not letting their relationship with the baby crowd it out. Rather, the baby can help to grow it even stronger, though not without hard work. Several times, this book reminds us that the greatest gift we can give our child is a lov...more
Gillian
I'm not pregnant nor planning to be any time soon, but I love John Gottman and am really interested in relationship and child development research. This book takes principles from Gottman's research and applies it to couples who are dealing with the upheaval of having their first child. There is a lot of overlap from other books of his I've read, but it has practical, research-based advice that seems useful for new parents.
Lori Ben-ezra
If you've read other books by the Gottmans, then you've already read most of this book. It's basically reiterating their research and clinical theories, with a few extra chapters on how this applies to couples expecting their first child or new parents. There's great information presented in the book, just don't expect any new information if you're familiar with their work.
Jaddeus Dempsey
This book is what everyone who is expecting or had kids within the last 5 years needs to read. This is the same topic I have been writing on and finally found a year after searching for anything similar. It's a feels a little "New agey" at times with a hint of weird relaxation techniques, but overall, fantastic. I would really like to attend their Bringing Baby Home seminar sometime, because I think everyone needs this type of pre baby prep to help their lives and marriage when transitioning int...more
Matt Hartzell
Jun 23, 2009 Matt Hartzell rated it 3 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: New Parents
Recommended to Matt by: Ciara
Shelves: parenting, marriage
I thought that this book had a lot of good information. However, after reading a number of marriage and relationship books, they are all starting to run together. I'm starting to find less unique information in each one. I think that the best chapters in this book were the one about delighting in your baby as a couple, and the ending chapter about the longterm vision, values, and culture of your family.

I don't think this book was bad by any means, but I had hoped that that baby played a bigger r...more
Art
"Small things often"- this is the advice the Gottmans give to couples to help their marital relationship survive and develop further after a new baby arrives. I especially appreciated their tips on making arguments/disagreements more respectful, tips like: give compliments, make light jokes, and listen to feelings during arguments. Restate your spouses' position before giving your own. Compromise, don't overgeneralize. This is real practical advice, and there's years of research behind what he's...more
Chris
Well, here we go!! My first parenting book. My daughter is on the way and will arrive July 09. This book does a good job of pointing out how to maintain the strengths in your marriage a time of great upheaval--the arrival of this ubiquitous and demanding little creature. At times, the book resorts to laundry lists of things to consider, which can be overwhelming. And it also offer exercises in communication for spouses. My wife and I have tried a few and they do inspire interesting and sometimes...more
Shannie
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Rhett
If you've never read Gottman and you have any interest in human psychology and interaction then you have got to read Gottman. The principles and ideas he goes over in the book are not fundamentally much different than his other books but it was a interesting and wonderful reminder of those principles and did have some new gems in there as well. At the end of the day I do think that after reading this I will be a better father and husband. Too bad I did not read it earlier, great book. (there are...more
Michael De Paola
Coming up on the halfway mark... some good ideas, but too much of a rehash of earlier books.

Early on this book starts out as a condemnation that if you're not always acting on the best behavior in front of your spouse during pregnancy that your children will have all sorts of development problems. The evidence is okay, but not completely damming. Either way though, real life gets in the way and it didn't seem to offer many solutions. The second half of this book was much better than the first. I...more
missy lambert
If you know me you know I'm not usually a fan of parenting/relationships books... but I make an exception for Mr. Gottman. He's a brilliant scientist and his books are packed with research-based ideas for improving family relationships. In this book, Gottman talks about statistics that 2/3 of people experience a marked decrease in marital satisfaction within a few years of having a baby. Why does this happen, and what are the long-term impacts on the baby's development and family longevity? Gott...more
Lisa
Not going to agree with all of it but liked enough of it. Needs to be more out there to explain to parents the changes ahead BEFORE they get pregnant. Smoother sailing when you know some of the things that might come up and how to talk about it. Good ideas though for realizing you are starting a new family and what do you want to include from your history as you raise your child. I loved the information about why dads are important, don't have a good history there but have such hope my husband c...more
Natalie Valenzuela
John Gottman has great advice for relationships that need a lot of work to rid themselves of the "four horsemen." However, for those of us that are not struggling that much in our marriages, his words are a great reminder. There are also chapters in this book on baby's development, creating a legacy, and sex after baby which would be a beneficial read to anyone having their first baby. My advice... don't read this one from cover to cover if you don't feel the need to. Select the chapters you're...more
Aisha
The book is great, and I am a big fan of Dr Gottman's work.. but GOD so much emotional correctness! I don't believe in all that sharing and talking about childhood and stuff! it can backfire.. AND seriously! if a couple can spend hours doing "exercises" to improve their relationship I suggest they better go out and have one!!! So annoying! so far Susan Page is my all time favorite author when it come sto relationship..
Katie
This book was a lot more on how to have a solid marriage than how to have a solid family life. I would recommend this book for anyone contemplating children OR marriage. There were a lot of things in the book that I had not talked to my husband about until well after we were married. Some things you just don't think about until they come up... sometimes it's a bit late to think about it then. This is definitely a conversation starter and I thoroughly enjoyed it. This book I would like to own to...more
Hannah
Apr 16, 2009 Hannah rated it 3 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Parents (or parents to be) of young children
Recommended to Hannah by: I've read and admired other Gottman reasearch
Shelves: improvement
I've skimmed this book before but am going back through and reviewing it. It also has many exercises that are aimed at improving your relationship with your spouse. Many of these are duplications of the exercises found in Gottmans' relationship book(s). Not much new material but it is slanted towards new parents and has an interesting statistical analysis of marriages with new children.

Sigh, and now I've finished it so long ago that I've forgotten the details again.
Quinton
I wish I had read this earlier. The beginning has some interesting sections on baby developmental psychology which would have been nice to know.
A lot of the middle is over exaggerated arguments, and wasn't super useful, but by the end, it got into some useful territory again about how the different roles of mothers and fathers help their babies develop, and other ways to help avoid conflict over things that you might not have thought of before...
It was a good read.
Cheree
To be quite honest, this read like a marital counseling book targeted at couples who had not been married very long. My husband and I have almost a decade of marriage under our belts and the issues discussed in the book are essentially non issues for us. So maybe a good read for a young couple or a newly married couple, but not for us. I need to find a book that addresses people who have chosen to wait a significant amount of time before they decided to have children.
Alicia
A very good book with a lot of useful tools and concepts to consider. If you have read other John Gottman books, particularly "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert" this book is largely review. B/c I have read the other, I basically only got through the first chapter and skimmed the rest. Lots of application of his seven principles to the specific scenario of new parenthood.
Appel Aja
This book was a light, easy read. The book focused mostly on effective ways for couples to communicate and problem-solve their disagreements in ways that are positive for their marriage. The book provided a few statistics and a few concrete ideas for ways to couples to connect and make time for each other after the baby arrives. The book contained several exercises that you can work through alone or with your partner. I skipped these.
Michelle
This is a book given to us by a friend. THe relationship conflict information was somewhat old hat, but there were several interesting chapters on research about what children need and thinking about the daily & yearly rituals you want to have with your kid, which were useful and interesting. And, the information was based on research, which made it a little more interesting. A good read for starting a few family discussions.
Joseph Bunting
Eighty percent of couples have a major drop in relationship satisfaction when their first child is born. Moreover, babies born to couples who have poor relationship satisfaction have more health issues and develop more slowly. In this book, John Gottman, one of the foremost psychological researchers, and his wife tackle the problems that arise in relationships when the baby comes, and how to solve them. Must read for new parents.
Lisa
(Non-Fiction Parenting/ Marriage) This has been my favorite book on marriage post-first baby. It's very practical and offers simple, yet positive strategies to maintain a strong and loving relationship. They also go into great detail listing the adverse effects a bad marriage has on a brand new baby as well as the benefits a baby will reap from a healthy, positive marriage. I will keep my notes from this book handy.
D.
My husband and I don't have kids yet--we still have to wait at least two more years. But I wanted to read this so that I'd have a better idea of what we're in for when it comes to our relationship/marriage after kids, and so that we'll be a little more prepared when the time comes (why yes, I am an obsessive overplanner, why do you ask?). It's the same excellent Gottman relationship advice, so I highly recommend it.
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Dr. Gottman is the co-founder of the Gottman Institute™ with his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, where he currently teaches weekend workshops for couples and training workshops for clinicians. He is the Executive Director of the Relationship Research Institute, where they are developing programs for parents transitioning to parenthood and are beginning a new research project on treatment for Dom...more
More about John M. Gottman...
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America's Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship

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