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The Distance Between Us

by Reyna Grande (Goodreads Author)

4.19 of 5 stars 4.19 · rating details · 212 ratings · 60 reviews

Mago pointed to a spot on the dirt floor and reminded me that my umbilical cord was buried there. “That way,” Mami told the midwife, “no matter where life takes her, she won’t ever forget where she came from.” Then Mago touched my belly button . . . She said that my umbilical cord was like a ribbon that connected me to Mami. She said, “It doesn’t matter that there’s a dist...more Mago pointed to a spot on the dirt floor and reminded me that my umbilical cord was buried there. “That way,” Mami told the midwife, “no matter where life takes her, she won’t ever forget where she came from.” Then Mago touched my belly button . . . She said that my umbilical cord was like a ribbon that connected me to Mami. She said, “It doesn’t matter that there’s a distance btween us now. That cord is there forever.”

When Reyna Grande’s father leaves his wife and three children behind in a village in Mexico to make the dangerous trek across the border to the United States, he promises he will soon return from “El Otro Lado” (The Other Side) with enough money to build them a dream house where they can all live together. His promises become harder to believe as months turn into years. When he summons his wife to join him, Reyna and her siblings are deposited in the already overburdened household of their stern, unsmiling grandmother.

The three siblings are forced to look out for themselves; in childish games they find a way to forget the pain of abandonment and learn to solve very adult problems. When their mother at last returns, the reunion sets the stage for a dramatic new chapter in Reyna’s young life: her own journey to “El Otro Lado” to live with the man who has haunted her imagination for years, her long-absent father.

In this extraordinary memoir, award-winning writer Reyna Grande vividly brings to life her tumultuous early years, capturing all the confusion and contradictions of childhood, especially one spent torn between two parents and two countries. Elated when she feels the glow of her father’s love and approval, Reyna knows that at any moment he might turn angry or violent. Only in books and music and her rich imaginary life does she find solace, a momentary refuge from a world in which every place feels like “El Otro Lado.”

The Distance Between Us captures one girl’s passage from childhood to adolescence and beyond. A funny, heartbreaking, lyrical story, it reminds us that the joys and sorrows of childhood are always with us, invisible to the eye but imprinted on the heart, forever calling out to us of those places we first called home.(less)

Hardcover, 336 pages

Published August 28th 2012 by Atria Books

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Sep 05, 2012 Jeanette rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: biography-memoir, mexico, nonfiction

3.5 stars

Emigration from Mexico to the U.S. divides a lot of families. This is one woman's account of what it felt like to spend her early childhood in Mexico while her parents were on El Otro Lado (The Other Side). Reyna Grande and her siblings were shuffled among relatives who were not in a position to care for them and were often resentful at being saddled with these children. In the absence of a real mother, Reyna's older sister Mago had to become "the little mother" for Reyna and Carlos.

I'...more

14 likes · like · see review

Aug 17, 2012 Erin rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012, read-non-fiction, netgalley

This was a heartbreaking story of the toll of immigration on a family. Novelist Reyna Grande's memoir documents the steady disintegration of her family over decades as one by one members of her family leave and return, leave and return to "el Otro Lado," the United States.

The first separation takes place before the start of the book; Reyna is so young when her father leaves for the US that she knows him only by his photo, and thinks of him as "the man behind the glass." The second, though certa...more

3 likes · like · see review

Mar 29, 2013 Louise rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoirs

Story Description:

Washington Square Press|March 12, 2013|Trade Paperback|ISBN: 978-1-4516-6178-1

Reyna Grande vividly brings to life her tumultuous early years in this “compelling…unvarnished, resonant” (Book Page) story of a childhood spent torn between two parents and two countries. As her parents make the dangerous trek across the Mexican border to “El Otro Lado” (The Other Side) in pursuit of the American dream, Reyna and her siblings are forced into the already overburdened household of thei...more

1 like · like · see review

Jan 02, 2013 Sally Wessely rated it 5 of 5 stars

As a former ESL teacher, I could not have enjoyed this book more. The story of Reyna Grande is one of hardship, heartbreak, and triumph. I was struck by the power of her writing on the very first page.

If one does not understand the internal and external conflict that children whose parents have left Mexico to find work or a better life in the United States, the reader of this memoir will certainly gain insight into this all too common problem when this book is read.

My students used to love to...more

2 likes · like · see review

Aug 30, 2012 Esther Bradley-detally rated it 5 of 5 stars

The Distance Between Us, Reyna Grand, Atria Books, a division of Simon & Schuster, Inc. by Reyna Grande 325pp., $25

A review-Esther Bradley-DeTally

Reyna Grande’s The Distance Between Us (a memoir)rocks.

In January, 1980, a time of tremendous poverty and economic hardship in Mexico, Reyna is four years old, as her mother leaves for El Otro Lado, the Other Side, to join her husband to work, to help him fulfill his dreams of leaving something to his children. He had left his native country with h...more The Distance Between Us, Reyna Grand, Atria Books, a division of Simon & Schuster, Inc. by Reyna Grande 325pp., $25

A review-Esther Bradley-DeTally

Reyna Grande’s The Distance Between Us (a memoir)rocks.

In January, 1980, a time of tremendous poverty and economic hardship in Mexico, Reyna is four years old, as her mother leaves for El Otro Lado, the Other Side, to join her husband to work, to help him fulfill his dreams of leaving something to his children. He had left his native country with high expectations, to make money, earn a living, and build a home in Mexico for his family. Reyna knows her father as the man, a paper face, behind a wall of glass. She calls him The Man Behind the Glass, which photo she takes with her on a move from her mother’s house to her Abuela’s house, a photograph which she grabs and keeps for herself. He left when she was two, and she will hold tightly to any image or remembrance of her father.

Mago, her sister, is eight and a half. Carlos , her brother, is about to turn seven, and Mago is asked by her mother to be Carlos and Reyna’s little mother. They will remain behind in the village under the care of a bitter, and abusive grandmother. Their mother will go in and out of their lives, but in essence, they are alone. Mago shines in her kindness, amazing wisdom and actions towards her young sister. The siblings remain tightly intertwined. They are badly treated by the grandmother.

This memoir is rich in description of dirt floors, of hunger, of never enough food, of dirt, of poverty, and of precious few people who help them. The children solidify into one unit, each helping the other. Theirs is a hardscrabble life, Dickensian in elements, and a reviewer couples Grande’s story of the children, with FrankMcCourt’s Angela’s Ashes. The stories are similar, but Reyna Grand’s use of language encompasses Mexican history and culture, and images are philosophical but highly translatable through her child’s mind. The mother will return, and then leave. The father will show up and take them back to Los Angeles. Natalio her father is a man of conflicts.Schooling in Los Angeles, struggle in Highland Park, adjustments to a new country, and yet the sisters and brother remain close.

One theme is of struggle, the struggle of understanding cruelty, conflict, family ties. I picked this book up and inhaled it. It is more than just a personal story. It reflects the epic struggles and mutual themes reflecting all who had to leave their native country and come to the United States. This book is eloquent and courageous.

A final quirky note. I checked my computer this afternoon. I was engrossed in the memoir, but somehow checked a Face Book page and message, and a response by Reyna Grande popped up; a response to a friend’s FB entry. I emailed the author, “I’m reading your book right now!” And so, my view of a rich courageous memoir, a few modest words about same and my intent to check out her other two books, Dancing with Butterflies, and Across a Hundred Mountains,is put on a to do list.
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May 03, 2013 Maggie Sievers added it · review of another edition

I read Across a Hundred Mountains with great interest. Reyna tells a story that is compelling from the get go and very timely. I live on the border and meet people who have crossed, typically after they have been deported at the Kino Border Initiative. They tell similar, almost identical, stories of extreme poverty, treacherous crossings to el otro lado, bigotry, and living in the shadows in los estados unidos.

I found Reyna's memoir at the Tucson Festival of Books and bought it along with Dancin...more

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Aug 19, 2012 Liz rated it 5 of 5 stars

Award-winning novelist Reyna Grande's new memoir, "The Distance Between Us" is a book that has given me an eye-opening understanding of the plight of many immigrants from Mexico. Trapped in poverty in their native land, moving into the United States by any means is a way to better one's life and the lives of one's children. With the legal situation in the U.S., though, Mexican people who choose to move north must rely on "coyotes" to navigate the dangerous ground between nations in the dead of n...more

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Jan 18, 2013 Iva rated it 5 of 5 stars

This memoir has been nominated by the National Book Critics Circle for its 2013 award. It is a fine introduction to the human side of illegal immigration. The sacrifices families make cannot be imagined by those who have always lived in "el Otro Lado", the United States. We are introduced to many colorful relatives: an alcoholic father who beats his children, and tried to shoot their mother, and beats their stepmother, who gave up her children for him; a mother who leaves her children with an ab...more

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Apr 23, 2013 Cathleen rated it 4 of 5 stars

This is a beautiful, touching memoir. Grande details her childhood as she is essentially abandoned by her parents so that they can cross the border to the US and make a better life for all of them. Her book is divided into two parts, much like her life, with her early childhood in Mexico among grandparents and cousins (who couldn't be much bothered to give her and her siblings anything beyond the bare necessities) and then her life with her father in El Otro Lado (the other side). I wish I could...more

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Jan 27, 2013 Mary Weibling rated it 5 of 5 stars

I was a volunteer ESL teacher for several years. Most of the students were from Mexico. I often asked the women if they regretted coming to the US. They still lived in poverty, many times did not have family around them. Their parents had never seen their children. They would have returned but their husbands seemed content. I have also lived in Mexico and seen the poverty and injustice and probably would have done what Reyna's parents did. Hopefully I would have left them in better hands. I will...more

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Mar 31, 2013 Leo Ríos Márquez rated it 5 of 5 stars

This was the first memoir that I've read in its entirety. I usually dislike "non-fiction" for its deluded and also boring claims to some sort of truth. However, I completely fell in love with Reyna Grande's rendition of some of her life's stories. Each chapter was poignant and well-written. The entire memoir's storyline flowed smoothly. It enticed me to read just one more paragraph, one more chapter each time that I thought about putting it down for the day.

There's more to be said but, for now,...more

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Sep 22, 2012 Kathy Nattress rated it 3 of 5 stars

Oh, Auggie, I will miss you so...

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Jan 22, 2013 Sandra Jones rated it 5 of 5 stars

Reyna Grande’s inspiring memoir covers the events that led her from impoverished “orphan” living in Mexico to college grad and published author residing in the United States. When Reyna’s mother is summoned by her husband, to join him in the U.S., she leaves her three children with their hateful paternal grandmother in Iguala, Mexico. In the years that follow, Grande and her siblings barely survive on hope and the meager offerings of their grandmother. Reyna’s parents send money for the children...more

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Apr 28, 2013 LemonLinda rated it 3 of 5 stars

I am sure that the process of writing this memoir was in many ways a healing process for the author as she certainly endured a tough childhood and adolescence, yet probably has achieved such success because of that rather than in spite of that. Whereas so many seem to be forever mired in the circumstances of their birth she always wanted more. Obviously in spite of the flagrant abuse and neglect from her parents she still maintained a great deal of love for them. Thank goodness for the positive...more

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Jan 07, 2013 Arcelia rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: latino-literature

I LOVED this book. I read this book on a recent trip and could not put it down when I should've been sight seeing. This memoir tells the story of the toll that immigration takes on Reyna Grande and her family. Her father initially goes to the United States in search of work when she is very young. A few years later her mother follows and leaves Reyna and her siblings behind in Mexico for several years. Eventually her mother returns after leaving her father, but is not much of a mother to Reyna o...more

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Nov 29, 2012 Trisha rated it 4 of 5 stars

I wonder whether the people I know who complain the loudest about illegal immigration would change their views after reading this memoir about the human side of what it involves. And I wonder whether the people who make such disparaging and often hateful remarks about illegal immigrants would feel the same after reading about the desperate courage that motivates people to face the dangers involved in crossing the border to escape the poverty of their lives and seek a decent life for their childr...more

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Sep 16, 2012 Jessica rated it 4 of 5 stars

Reyna Grande’s memoir The Distance Between Us (Atria) should come with a box of tissues.

Grande grew up in the 1970s in Iguala, Mexico, a small town whose mountain has a mysterious force on its other side that residents call El Otro Lado – the United States.

Grande’s parents left Reyna and her two older siblings behind with their grandparents so they could work at better paying jobs and build a new home in Iguala. But as Grande describes it, the separation took a toll on the family as the children...more Reyna Grande’s memoir The Distance Between Us (Atria) should come with a box of tissues.

Grande grew up in the 1970s in Iguala, Mexico, a small town whose mountain has a mysterious force on its other side that residents call El Otro Lado – the United States.

Grande’s parents left Reyna and her two older siblings behind with their grandparents so they could work at better paying jobs and build a new home in Iguala. But as Grande describes it, the separation took a toll on the family as the children live in squalor.

“… the banks lined with trash and debris floating in the water, the crumbling adobe houses, the shacks made of sticks, the children with worm-pregnant bellies running around with bare feet, the piles of drying horse dung littering the dirt road, the flea-bitten stray dogs lying under the shade of trees, flies hovering above them. But what I saw back then I saw through the eyes of a child – a child who had never been anywhere, a child who was still innocent enough to see past the things later in life she could not. What I saw the were the velvety mountains around us, the clear blue sky, the beautiful jacaranda trees covered in purple flowers, bougainvilleas crawling up fences, their dried magenta petals whirling in the wind. … I continued to think that there was beauty everywhere around us. … But when … I saw mothers and fathers strolling about holding hands with their children, I realized that it didn’t matter what I thought of Iguala. Without my parents here, it was a place of broken beauty.”

At age 10, Grande and her siblings crossed the border illegally and moved to Los Angeles to be with her parents. But life is just as tough there as her mother ignores her and father becomes abusive toward her and her siblings.

But her father also was her best motivator, emphasizing the importance of a good education. Grande earned good grades and became a top musician in her school’s marching band. Federal legislation in 1986 enabled her to become a legal citizen.

A teacher in junior college encouraged her to write – leading Grande to write this incredible book. Told in simple, easy to read – yet descriptive – prose, my heart broke as I read about all that Grande suffered through. The Distance Between Us is an inspirational book for young Latinos or anyone who has faced adversity. Just keep those tissues handy.

Note: This review appeared on my blog, The Hispanic Reader. (http://hispanicreader.com) I received a review copy from the publisher. (less)

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Mar 09, 2013 Susan Cox rated it 4 of 5 stars

Grande writes a lyrical, poignant, and compelling tale chronicling her parents' immigration and her own. I found the book to be difficult to put down.

It has been interesting to read this book on the heels of Arn Chorn-Pond's Never Fall Down. That book is so full of terrible, horrific things that people do to one another; it almost becomes impersonal. However, Grande's story, though less dramatic in its violence, gives voice to the very personal struggles of so many whose lives and families are p...more

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May 10, 2013 Gladys rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

ARC received by publisher via NetGalley

This story shown the difficult life of a girl who has to watch first her father and then her mother go away over the border illegally to find work in the USA.

Her life is difficult and her older sister Mago raises them while being filled with rage and disappointment over the course of her life.
When Reyna is 10 years old her father finally brings them in the USA with them and there she has to face the new world with difficulties.

This book was hard to read, es...more

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Aug 19, 2012 Sandy rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: adult-memoir, autobiography, family, excpressions-emotions, fears, friendship, history, human-rights, mid-20th-century, multi-cultural, realistic-current

Powerful in every sense, this rendering of Rene Grande's family history details her years in Mexico, destitute and in many respects abused, abandoned by her parents despite their promises to return from "El Otro Lado" to retrieve them and provide a better life.
Her exploration of emerging and evolving feelings for each parent over time is brutally honest and explored in ways that make you want to turn away but unable to do so. A remarkable story.

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May 06, 2013 Laura James rated it 5 of 5 stars

Loved, loved, loved every minute of this book. So much so that I almost "put off" reading it as I began nearing the end. Always fascinated by the Latino culture, now even moreso. This was an easy world for me to be drawn right into - characters were so clearly drawn. Heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time - my favorite. Can't wait to start another Reyna Grande book! Maybe it'll soften the blow of finishing this one.

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Apr 11, 2013 Susan rated it 4 of 5 stars

Wow, I haven't been so moved by a book in a long time. Reyna's story is compelling, heartbreaking, and moving. While there clearly is a Distance Between Us in that I cannot even begin to fathom what her childhood must have been like, her exquisite writing allows the Distance Between Us to close because I connected with her on a humanitarian level. A must-read!!

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Sep 05, 2012 Judy rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir

Wonderful book concerning a young girl (the author), her older sister and brother, and their parents. All began their lives in a small village in Mexico and ended up as legal residents of the U.S. It was in the telling of their story that the reader really comes to appreciate the totality of the immigrant experience, both the tremendous heartache and the fulfilling of a dream.

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Feb 08, 2013 Kristin Schmoldt rated it 5 of 5 stars

I loved this book for its brutal honesty about the immigrant experience. Reyna Grande is a fine writer. It serves to remind me that everyone has a story and that I'm a very lucky person to have been a citizen of the US my entire life. It also really made me want to read House on Mango Street. Here's to you Ms. Grande, congratulations on all you've accomplished!

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Sep 20, 2012 Karen rated it 4 of 5 stars

Loved this book. I love to travel and read stories from the Southwest ...thus have an interest in the immigrants that so desire to have a better life in America. Not all that immigrate to this country meet with success ...but for those that do it makes the entire progress worth the effort of the individuals and this country together.

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May 18, 2013 Tanya Eby added it

Shelves: narrated

I had the good fortune to narrate this piece. Reyna Grande pulls you in from the first sentence in a book that is simply (yet profoundly) told. It's her story, but it feels like maybe it's also the story of countless others who have chosen to leave a part of themselves behind in the hopes of finding a better tomorrow.

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Sep 10, 2012 Janet rated it 4 of 5 stars

Reading in memory of Kimberly who died last night in a car accient- I will miss your smiling face in the mornings.

I did like this book...the perspective of a child being left in Mexico while her parents go to L.A. for a better life - she eventually joins them. Rather depressing but a true overcoming the odds story. A good look at the illegal immigration problem through the eyes of a child.

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Apr 09, 2013 Yvonne Flores rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: chicano-studies

Head lice and having my head shaved, being happy and angry at the my Mom's arrival, wanting my Dad to come and save me and take me home with him, living with my grandparents and feeling loved in one home, and unwanted in the other home - I would have to say that Reyna Grande captured my childhood.

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Oct 29, 2012 Julia Amante rated it 5 of 5 stars

Important book. As a former teacher, I had many student just like Reyna in my classroom. Well written. Takes you on a journey of what it's like to be the child of immigrant parents, and to spend most of your life without the nurturing parents are supposed to provide. Touching and heartbreaking.

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Apr 01, 2013 Wendy rated it 3 of 5 stars

The autobiographical memoirs of a young girl living in Mexico. In 1980, dad has gone to US for work and mom joins him leaving the three Kids behind with a cruel grandma. The poverty level is palpable as they eke out an existence while waiting for their parents to return. Tough going at times but a true case of resiliency and how one person can make a difference!

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About Reyna Grande

Reyna Grande is the author of two novels, Across a Hundred Mountains, which received a 2007 American Book Award; Dancing with Butterflies, which received a 2010 International Latino Book Award. Her new book, a memoir titled The Distance Between Us, was published on August 28, 2012 by Simon & Schuster. In it, Reyna recounts her experiences as a child left behind in Mexico when her parents emigr...more

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