Swirling: How to Date, Mate, and Relate Mixing Race, Culture, and Creed

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Swirling: How to Date, Mate, and Relate Mixing Race, Culture, and Creed

by Christelyn D. Karazin (Goodreads Author), Janice Rhoshalle Littlejohn

4.24 of 5 stars 4.24 · rating details · 33 ratings · 12 reviews

The first handbook on navigating the exciting, tricky, and potentially disastrous terrain of interracial relationships, with testimony and expert tips on how to make the bumpy ride a bit smoother.

Paperback, 272 pages

Published May 15th 2012 by Atria Books

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Jul 10, 2012 Jamila Akil rated it 5 of 5 stars

Black women and their dating life has been big news for the last few years. Swirling could have been just another book to add to the growing pile of books and magazine articles directed at black women telling them that they will grow old alone. Thankfully, Karazin and Littlejohn avoid that well-worn path and take a fresh look at a popular topic.

Both of authors share their experiences dating, mating, and relating interracially and their differing experiences add to the credibility and ability to...more

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Jul 09, 2012 Swirl Queen rated it 5 of 5 stars

I was thrilled to finally read this much anticipated book on Swirling. I love the concept, the name and admire the phenomenal effort put into bringing this work to fruition. Whether one is a veteran swirler, newcomer, curious or even skeptical, this book has something for everyone. I love the authors' ability to combine history, current themes and events, facts and all things interracial and intercultural with wit and just the right amount of humor. "Swirling" promises to keep the reader engaged...more

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Jul 09, 2012 Brenda55 rated it 5 of 5 stars

Swirling Review

What is it like? That is a question that couples who have crossed the race line have been asked for decades. What is it like? For every person brave enough to ask there are maybe dozens who wonder in silence from the sidelines, standing and some times staring. Questioning. What is it like? How did those two get together? What makes that relationship work? How can it? How do they deal with.... the differences, the what ifs, the folks? What does he see in her? Why does she want a gu...more Swirling Review

What is it like? That is a question that couples who have crossed the race line have been asked for decades. What is it like? For every person brave enough to ask there are maybe dozens who wonder in silence from the sidelines, standing and some times staring. Questioning. What is it like? How did those two get together? What makes that relationship work? How can it? How do they deal with.... the differences, the what ifs, the folks? What does he see in her? Why does she want a guy like that? What happens when.....the kids come....... the job finds out.....socially. What is it like?

Swirling is more of a hand book for the IRR ( Inter-racial relationship) curious as well as those currently
involved in an IRR. Broken into three parts its sixteen chapters with each able to stand alone Swirling is more reference tool than casual self help book and can be consumed in any order that suites the reader. This is helpful for those wanting fast answers to situations that they are concerned about now.

Part One deals with the current dating and marriage situation for American black women and once again goes over the fact and figures that have been in the press and written about in books. One thing the reader can take away from all this is that the dating and marriage situation for American black woman is not advantageous for her to find a suitable husband among the limited numbers of marriageable black men currently in the population. The numbers are what they are. They cannot be wished, prayed or rationalized away. For black women looking for a happy marriage and home life the interventions that they have employed to deal with this situation have achieved less that satisfactory outcomes. We all know of black women who desire marriage but are growing old alone. Who want a husband but settle for raising kids alone. In a world designed for couples black women miss out on much that life has to offer and make due. It does not have to be that way.

If your goal is marriage to a good man, a quality man, a man who shares your values and life goals then you need to change strategies from those proven to fail. You need to move past what you are doing currently, open yourself to other possibilities and try something that will improve your odds of being partnered with a man who will indeed make the commitment to love and cherish you. You need a road map. This book Swirling is that road map.

Quality men come in all shapes and shades, races and creeds. What Swirling does not do is attempt to try to convince the black woman to do something that she does not want to. If you are not attracted to non-black men, then you are not and this book will do nothing to attempt to change that. That is only fair. Each of us has the right to want what we want and that is to be respected. What Swirling will do is break through all of the false information, wives tales, stereotypes and frankly bigotry surrounding the idea of black woman's desire to date and marry a non-black man should that be her choice. For too long black women have been told lies surrounding this issue and it is long past time that these lies are exposed for what they are. Attempts to control and limit the relationship options of black women. Options that are out there in abundance, right under her nose should black women seek them out.

Swirling is the reference tool that will break through the smokescreen of misinformation that is raised when ever black women attempt to even discuss much less attempt to exercise the same options that every other women on earth has.

Part Two of the book will give those women interested in meeting non-black men the tools needed to make that happen. You will get tips and advice from women who have been there and got the tee shirt as well as from relationship experts to guide you on you journey to make your foray into the the world of Swirl successful. Want to know if the guy is interested? Are you picking up all of the non-verbal ques that non-black men send? Most black women do so check out Chapter nine which will tell you all you need to know about the art of flirting. Want suggestion of where to go for that first date so that is does not turn in to an evening of long uncomfortable pauses? Then chapter ten is a must read. What to know all about all the great stuff that happens between the sheets? Yep that is in there also. I think the misconceptions about sex has to be the number on thing that keep black women from finding a fulfilling and pleasurable relationship with a non-black man. From the beginning of the courtship process to how attentive your man is in bed the authors lay it all on the line for you.

OK. You've acted on your attraction, have talked the talk and now it is time to walk the walk. Unless your are going to hide your relationship ,which is dysfunctional to say the least, you have to go out in public sometime. How do you handle the public at large, your friends and family? What happens when you get the "stare" or over hear comments that may not be too pleasant? Relationships between Black women and non-black men, while growing, are still small in number and some people do find then unusual and may not know how to respond to them. Being prepared and knowing just how to respond markedly decreases the stress level. Swirling has your answers.

Part Three of Swirling deals with some of the harder issues regarding IRR. Questions regarding race loyalty, how you and your non-black man respond to issues having to do with race are covered as well. We are all human and we all see the world through the prism of our life experiences. How do you handle those differences and make your relationship work? For many black women dating outside of our race is uncharted territory but lucky for you there is now a guide to help you find your way. Part three of the book has all of these issues covered. From first date to walking down the aisle Swirling gives you the information you want and need in that open, honest and oft time irreverent way your BFF's would give you if they knew even a fraction of the information contained in these page.

Swirling is an easy and enjoyable read for women from their teens to middle age and even older who have an interest in taking the leap with a great guy of a race different than their own. Having been married interracial myself for ten years I can honestly say that this book gets it right and I would wholeheartedly recommend it to any woman who is interested in a relationship with a man of another race. (less)

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Jul 09, 2012 Christelyn Karazin rated it 5 of 5 stars · (Review from the author)

In Swirling, Christelyn Karazin and Janice Littlejohn perform a vital service. Their insightful discussion is both in your face and disarming. A much needed contribution to our national conversation about race and relationships. --Ralph Richard Banks, Jackson Eli Reynolds Professor of Law at Stanford Law School and the author of Is Marriage for White People? How the African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone

“Wisely written . . . . smart, conversational and honest.” --Mekeisha Madden Toby...more In Swirling, Christelyn Karazin and Janice Littlejohn perform a vital service. Their insightful discussion is both in your face and disarming. A much needed contribution to our national conversation about race and relationships. --Ralph Richard Banks, Jackson Eli Reynolds Professor of Law at Stanford Law School and the author of Is Marriage for White People? How the African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone

“Wisely written . . . . smart, conversational and honest.” --Mekeisha Madden Toby, The Detroit News

"What an important and timely topic! Karazin and Littlejohn's warm conversational style sets the perfect tone for women in interracial and intercultural relationships who are seeking practical advice and support." --Linda R. Young, PhD, psychologist and blogger for Psychology Today

“A welcome, heart-felt primer on what African-American women can and should do better prepare themselves for the challenges, frustrations as well as the possibilities and hopes in the turbulent world of relationships. It's a book whose time has more than come.” --Earl Ofari Hutchinson, Nationally syndicated columnist, author and social commentator

“Janice Rhoshalle Littlejohn and Christelyn D. Karazin bring a refreshing perspective to this hotly debated and newsworthy topic -- they also have the journalistic mettle and personal experience and humor to pull off a book that is both entertaining and informational . . . . a must-read.” --Brian Lowry, Variety Chief Television Critic

“This surprising and oh-so-timely book should be considered essential reading for any woman who feels rudderless when it comes to finding a soul mate . . . . smartly researched and eye-opening.” --John Griffiths, Us Weekly Television Critic

“After nearly 20 years in an interracial marriage, the one thing I've learned is that black folks often have more hang-ups about these kinds of relationships than anyone else. And if anyone can help us all sort through the nonsense, problems and preconceptions, it is Janice Rhoshalle Littlejohn, one of the smartest, most empathetic writers I know. I only hope she starts on a book for black men next!” --Eric Deggans, TV/Media Critic, St. Petersburg Times

“A breath of fresh air.” --Cherilyn “CW” Smith, popular blogger and author of Black Women Deserve Better

“Couldn’t come at a better time." --Lecia J. Brooks Director, Civil Rights Memorial Center, Southern Poverty Law Center

"This book is critically important in our time to help foster a more open dialogue about interracial dating & marriages. I enjoyed it thoroughly and I highly recommend it to everyone. What a great read!" —Sophia A. Nelson, award winning Author & columnist for NBC's theGrio.com & Essence Magazine
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Oct 07, 2012 OOSA rated it 4 of 5 stars

Does Color Matter?

Do you see nothing wrong with a black woman dating or marrying outside her race? Personally, I don't. I say to each its own. There are plenty of us who do, YET those very same ones feel different when asked the same question about black men. I've never understood the double standard. Love isn't prejudice; people are. No one should settle just to please others. At the end of the day, you need to be happy with the person you choose.

“Swirling: How to Date, Mate, and Relate Mixing...more

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Jul 29, 2012 M. rated it 4 of 5 stars

Character over Color

The resounding message in Karazin & Littlejohn's book, Swirling: How to Date, Mate, and Relate Mixing Race, Culture, and Creed [ http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13... ] is for the readers to follow Dr. King's advise and "choose character over color - always and with every relationship you have (p229)." That quote is from the end of the book, but it resonated through the whole book, whether Christelyn is talking about whether you need permission swirl (or date outside y...more

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Jun 13, 2012 J. Sanders rated it 2 of 5 stars

It's been a long time since I read a book that annoyed me this much.
I'm hesitant to pan it because it's written by two black women, and their intentions are true. They aim to empower black women who limit their options to black men to care enough about themselves to try interracial dating. There are some great tips in here about learning how to be your own great partner, with a list of cities where interracial dating is more widely accepted.
I loved Janice's parts of the book a lot more than Ch...more

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Sep 19, 2012 Michelle Matthews-Calloway rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Anyone interested in dating interracially

A Definitive Primer on Swirling!

Swirling is a definitive primer on interracial dating, particularly for those women who are new to interracial dating and relationships, or even just contemplating expanding their dating options. The authors' approach is personal, light-hearted, easy to relate to, and fun. I'm especially impressed with the robust information the authors provided. This is a book I wish had been available when I first started swirling, and it's the go-to book I'm recommending to all...more

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Sep 02, 2012 Blackwomen rated it 5 of 5 stars

Now here's a gal I can relate to: Awkward moments, humiliation, heartbreak, and eventual triumph with an extra dose of humor! Christelyn takes her readers on a journey which many Black women fear to tread. Apart from the title, do not pick up "Swirling" expecting a read filled with euphemisms and other subtleties. The book is informative yet entertaining, chock full of invaluable tips designed for "real life" application!

A note to prospective Black women readers who are considering "Swirling": C...more

Now here's a gal I can relate to: Awkward moments, humiliation, heartbreak, and eventual triumph with an extra dose of humor! Christelyn takes her readers on a journey which many Black women fear to tread. Apart from the title, do not pick up "Swirling" expecting a read filled with euphemisms and other subtleties. The book is informative yet entertaining, chock full of invaluable tips designed for "real life" application!

A note to prospective Black women readers who are considering "Swirling": Circulating the bloggersphere is a parade of "Interesting Assumptions", Personal Vendettas & Derailment. Under normal circumstances, it would be unnecessary to elaborate on the motivation behind such negativity; however I will keep my explanation brief and to the point as possible. Yes...I DO want the prospective reader to actually check out those bad reviews. Just be aware that the same disingenuous parties have actively sought out "Swirling" on other book forums for the sole purpose of leaving disparaging remarks. Process this feedback with a grain of salt and purchase this book. Upon completing "Swirling" the utter foolishness and bad faith operators will be painfully apparent. It is almost comical to read the fear based reviews mired in projection, self-absorption, fallacious arguments and dissent for its own sake. Please consider the motivations behind such convoluted efforts to separate Black women from this potentially life-enhancing material. The combined efforts of Christelyn Karazin and Janice Rhoshalle Littlejohn have more than sufficiently addressed any legitimate concerns raised about Black women expanding their mating options.

Those who bypass the gatekeepers and opt to pick up a copy of "Swirling" are in for a treat!

For the Black women who have been inundated from early on with unserviceable and otherwise misleading dating advice, it's like learning to walk or ride a bicycle again. Most of us know there is a need for this genre of literature. Rational individuals will not disregard this information and continue towards a dead-end. This is why I tend to ignore the predictable howls of protest when topics involving interracial dating arise. In the five short years that I've been blogging, there has been enormous change in the mindsets of Black women. An ever-increasing number are saying "NO" to racial boundaries being imposed upon their love lives. We are on the right path!

Christelyn made an impression on me when first proposing her ideas for outreach projects such as "Beyond Black & White" & "No Wedding No Womb". Her passion and sincerity came shining through during our conversations. Christelyn's zest for life is evident and her optimism contagious. Those who converse with Christelyn regularly on her forums and in person can attest to this. Her energy motivates me to continue when public interactions become exhausting. We are opposite personality types with varying approaches to Black Women's Empowerment, but maintain one common goal: Providing Black women the necessary tools to maximize their success, happiness and quality of life!

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Sep 17, 2012 Erin Ashley rated it 1 of 5 stars

I basically read this book to follow suit with the fad and to basically see what they were saying in terms of interracial relationships. I think the book was very well written, however, I believe the whole let me read a book about how I should interracially date is pretty dumb. I believe that yes, a lot of women don't date outside of their race because they are fearful of what people will say and what not, however, there are millions of us who do it who don't care.

I don't believe that this book...more

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Jul 11, 2012 Brown Betty rated it 5 of 5 stars

I enjoyed the book contrary to the rude comments of some, the authors did a great job; the book was a very easy read with humorous undertones. I wish the authors much more success as the book gets more exposure and genuine support.

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Jul 11, 2012 Friendswmimi added it

The book was extremely helpful for anyone considering dating outside your race. I could definitely relate to some of t
The stories in the book.

1 like · like · see review

May 20, 2013 Christina Malinka rated it 4 of 5 stars

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