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Smart Love: The Compassionate Alternative to Discipline That Will Make You a Better Parent and Your Child a Better Person
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Smart Love: The Compassionate Alternative to Discipline That Will Make You a Better Parent and Your Child a Better Person

3.79  ·  Rating Details ·  117 Ratings  ·  14 Reviews
Putting a child's inner happiness first, the authors show how to avoid the discipline trap by using your head and trusting your heart.
Hardcover, 249 pages
Published March 11th 1999 by Harvard Common Press (first published January 1st 1999)
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Apr 04, 2014 nicebutnubbly rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
I wanted to really like this book. I want to really like this approach! My kid is working with the Smart Love people (they were the only therapist we found in our town who was recommended and taking patients) and I really want this to work for him.

I had to grit my teeth listening to this and remind myself over and over and over to be open-minded. I failed, I guess. I couldn't even listen all the way through (so take that as salt when reading this review).

I like their general goals - love and kin
Mar 20, 2017 Jenny rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
What I did take away from this was that I need to respond positively to my children, to let them know I love to help them, that they can count on me to take care of them because they are worth it.
I was torn. I bought into some of what they posited, but not all of it. I didn't listen to the end though, and they may have started in with suggestions for what to do with kids who weren't raised this way from the beginning.
The author claimed that kids who experience unhappy emotions early on, due to
May 13, 2015 Susan rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I dunno.

This book kind of threw me for a parenting loop. Its philosophy is that, if a child is misbehaving, he/she has "inner unhappiness." If a parent disciplines her, her unhappiness grows even greater. The authors promote nurture over nature 100%, even saying that a child's personality is created by the actions of the parents. So: if your child has a difficult personality, it's because of his/her inner unhappiness, which YOU caused! Sheesh. Talk about a guilt trip.

They totally reject the idea
May 19, 2013 Amy rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: parenting-family
At times a book cannot be adequately assessed immediately after an initial reading. Such a book for me was Smart Love. The book's basic premise is that children learn to crave inner unhappiness if they do not receive unconditional love from their parents. At the time I read it, I considered much of the parenting advice sound but Pieper's evaluation of children's misbehavior as nearly always stemming from inner unhappiness seemed ridiculous. While I still don't go to her extreme, I believe it to ...more
Kim Clement
May 20, 2013 Kim Clement rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I randomly checked this book out of the library about 9 years ago. It planted some of my best parenting seeds. The main idea is that when a child does something wrong, what is the best way to teach them? Is it to "punish" by showing disfavor or or putting in a corner (they were against time-out but I happen to like lime-out)? Their answer is no, being punitive is not the best teacher. They offer wonderful alternatives. Some more realistic than others.

A book that develops this idea more fully an
Jennifer Miera
Wow was this book outdated. I had trouble muddling through some of the sentences in the book because they were so needlessly wordy. The "smart love" concept they keep refering to in the book is only vaguely described at the beginning of the book and no real "tools" are given. That being said, there is some good information in here - that children who act out are coming from a place of "inner unhappiness" and that if we strengthen our connection with our kids and interact with them from a place o ...more
My son Lukas goes to the Smart Love Preschool (Toddler Explorations Program) on the North Side of Chicago. The preschool is founded on the philosophy laid out here by the Piepers. It is a fast, easy read but is PACKED with good information! This book has great advice for those parents who are unsure of how to deal with a "temperamental toddler" or how to interpret various moods/signals of babies in general. Discusses how to do "loving regulation," and how to basically help you to raise kids in a ...more
Jan 21, 2014 Yana rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Ценна книга, която хвърля светлина върху различните етапи на израстване на детето. Дава практични насоки как да се справим в различни ситуации без да попада в модела "направи това и ще стане това". Не дава готови рецепти и оставя място за личността.

Имам забележки в частта с отбиването на детето. Съвета им детето да се отбие на годинка е неадекватен и малко противоречи на цялостата им концепция за напътствие съобразено с нуждите на детето.
Feb 03, 2012 Annie rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is a must for parents. It dispels the myth that the twos have to be terrible and provides moms and dads with the confidence to parent with--not against--your instincts. It is backed up by decades of experience by this husband and wife team of psychiatrists.
Jul 12, 2010 Alba rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: All parents looking for positive discipline.
I read this book probably 4-5 years ago before I knew anything about attachment parenting. I remember liking it and thinking it was the best parenting book I had read thus far. I have meant to go back and re-read it now that I have adopted the attachment parenting style.
Sep 25, 2009 Spencer rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: parents
This is one of the best parenting books I've ever read, helps me understand how a child develops better.
Amy Edwards
Sep 07, 2008 Amy Edwards rated it liked it
Discipline, not punishment. This is a great book for all parents who want to help their children learn self-discipline, in a loving (but not lenient) way.
Lubitsa Marcheva
Защото децата са любов!
Gina Robbins
Gina Robbins rated it really liked it
Jul 23, 2011
Jul 13, 2008 Tiffany rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
really good for learning how kids need us to act like responsible adults!
Donna rated it it was ok
May 17, 2011
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Nov 22, 2016
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Amanda Ball rated it it was ok
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Alexy rated it it was amazing
Mar 18, 2014
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Brandy Goldberg rated it really liked it
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Ankush rated it it was amazing
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Benjamin J Raatz
Benjamin J Raatz rated it it was amazing
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Smart Love Press is just publishing my second children's book, Jilly"s Terrible Temper Tantrums: And How She Outgrew Them. The first was the award-winning Mommy, Daddy, I Had a Bad Dream! Jilly"s Terrible Temper Tantrums has won the Mom's Choice Gold Award!
I am the co-author with William J. Pieper, M.D. of the bestselling parenting book: Smart Love: The Comprehensive Guide to Understanding, Regula
More about Martha Heineman Pieper...

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