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I Didn't Mean to Be Kevin

by Caleb J. Ross (Goodreads Author)

4.44 of 5 stars 4.44 · rating details · 45 ratings · 18 reviews

Jackson Jacoby is a motherless twenty-two year old boy with only the support of his crazy ex-military Uncle Marve and a kindred motherless peer named Creg. Creg holds fast to the hope of one day reuniting with his mother while Jackson maintains that his own life is so much better off without all the baggage that comes along with being somebody’s son.

After finding a plea in...more

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Published January 17th 2012 by Black Coffee Press

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I Didn't Mean to Be Kevin by Caleb J. Ross

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Apr 15, 2012 Paul Eckert rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

It's hard to tell what a Caleb Ross book is going to be about just by reading the back cover blurb. In fact, I feel that the blurbs of praise on the book are more indicative of what the experience will be like. Rayo Casablanca calls it "an amazing fiction concept." Publishers Weekly called it "stirring." You could try and explain to someone how this is about a guy driven to embark on a road trip to Deleware to prove that having a mother is overrated, but I think "stirring" and "amazing fiction c...more It's hard to tell what a Caleb Ross book is going to be about just by reading the back cover blurb. In fact, I feel that the blurbs of praise on the book are more indicative of what the experience will be like. Rayo Casablanca calls it "an amazing fiction concept." Publishers Weekly called it "stirring." You could try and explain to someone how this is about a guy driven to embark on a road trip to Deleware to prove that having a mother is overrated, but I think "stirring" and "amazing fiction concept" are more accurate to describe what the experience is like. Sometimes it works really well, other times it lacks just a little something, but I'm always glad that I spent time indulging in another Ross' unique visions.

The thing that I think you should be aware of upfront: Jackson Jacoby, the main character, is hard to like. You learn early on that he is an unreliable narrator, and overall, not a very likable person. But like all compulsive liars, the truth slips out in bits and pieces throughout the story, and as we learn more about him, the more we come to understand the way he is. It's one of the most commendable aspects of Ross' fiction that he can make a compelling unlikable narrator. Whereas most fiction focuses on strong, decisive characters that follow a formula of revealing themselves through acts of will, Ross' characters are lost, unsure of themselves, and a bit pathetic. But the interesting thing is, when you immerse yourself in the mind of such a person, you begin to see some of the little ugly pieces of yourself and the people you know. To some degree, these characters are like defective machines (which current neurology research seems to support, that we are more like machines than the models of free will that we think we are). Kudos to Ross for writing about characters who are broken and disfigured, who aren't Type A hero cliches, and who are unapologetic for who they are. This darkness in his work may take a bit of getting used to, but once you're there, you can't help but enjoy delving into this haunted area of human behavior.

I never felt like Jackson's "motherlessness" was at the center of his actions. Rather, it seemed to be indicative of a larger problem: because of his "motherlessness" (and "fatherlessness" for that matter), he has no roots. He's never had a guiding hand leading him one way or the other. His next closest relative was practically insane, so it's no wonder he turned out to be so strange. He seems to embark on his trip less as a real desire to do anything and more to open himself up to anything that could happen along the way. There is an undercurrent of his desire to meet a woman he is pretending is his mother, to try and feel the experience of having a mother, but his real issue seems to be his lack of any solid foundation.

All along the way, Jackson tells stories about a man named Marion Garza. The stories morph overtime, and as they change, we begin to see more of what might be the real Jackson.

Jackson also has a fascination with dismembered body parts. Perhaps it's because of his missing ear. Maybe it was a metaphor for something that was missing in himself. It was interesting to see where this took him in the story, but I never felt that it tied in real cleanly with the rest of the story. Maybe that was the point. This was one area where Jackson's unreliability obscured what exactly happened. By the end, I wasn't sure what really happened with the various dismembered body parts that appear through the story, but I also felt like the truth wasn't that important to the story. But as much as missing ears and feet play a part in the story, it seems like it should matter more. But sometimes our quirks don't always have much to do with other aspects of ourselves, even if they feel like they should in the art of storytelling.

The real fun of I Didn't Mean To Be Kevin is riding the course of this unreliable narrator and figuring out your version of the truth for yourself. Caleb Ross is never going to hand you a moral on a silver platter. So if you're in the mood to read something different, something that will entrance you and bring you inside the world of a troubled mind, I heartily recommend I Didn't Mean To Be Kevin.(less)

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May 15, 2012 Gordon rated it 5 of 5 stars

Did you know that if you're ever lost in a maze, you can always find your way out—eventually—if you just cling to one wall and trace it all the way to its exit? Jackson Jacoby is sticking to his story, too. It's a morphing, evolving tale to suit his immediate identity needs in the company of his traveling companions, these strangers-du-jour kindred spirits collected on the road to meet the mother he's spent his life convincing himself he doesn't need. Wait, not his real mother; this is just some...more Did you know that if you're ever lost in a maze, you can always find your way out—eventually—if you just cling to one wall and trace it all the way to its exit? Jackson Jacoby is sticking to his story, too. It's a morphing, evolving tale to suit his immediate identity needs in the company of his traveling companions, these strangers-du-jour kindred spirits collected on the road to meet the mother he's spent his life convincing himself he doesn't need. Wait, not his real mother; this is just some lady who placed an ad searching for her estranged son, both of them happy to surrogate the other in their long-distance delusions.

Jackson is the ultimate unreliable narrator in a story about the very nature of storytelling itself. Why do we spin such tales? For the entertainment of others? Social anesthesia? To define ourselves? Reinvent ourselves? The book is also sprinkled with subtle, metafictional easter eggs that reference other classic novels' character backstories—people Jackson claims to have met in his adventures, shortening the rope of his believability. Along our pilgrimage east, we stop in such roadside attractions/hazards as body-part museums, snow mazes, and diners aplenty—in search of "futile game"—each populated with someone and their story. Everybody's got one. And probably an alternate: a director's cut that's been refined and embellished over the years like some one-man game of Telephone. A recurring theme of ears permeates the book: torching them, explaining them, stealing them, bending them. Jackson's (self-)destructive behavior and assholica take some warming up to, and he never makes it easy for anyone (including the reader), but eventually you'll find some sympathy in that blackened heart of yours for this motherless man-child.

I first read a draft of Kevin about four years ago, when it was a semi-finalist in Amazon's Breakthrough Novel competition. My then-review praised Ross's "limping lot lizards and Latina-logging launderers and moneyed mourning matriarchs," calling the manuscript "a tight, unwashed romp with an experienced professional of flexible morals who pushes all the right buttons to make you squirm and thank them for it in the end." All that still holds true. Now, did I tell you how I got this ear? (less)

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Sep 15, 2012 Mallory Anne-Marie Forbes rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: september-reading-challenge-ntoyab, september-2012-reads, armchair-applachia, armchair-southwest-unitedstates

Review of I Didn’t Mean to be Kevin by Caleb J. Ross

Read for Shut Up & Read’s Pick4Me Challenge September 2012

I had picked up this book during a free period at Amazon.com, and it was selected for me as the Goodreads Group Shut Up & Read’s September Pick4Me challenge. I found it difficult and disturbing-for me, depressing, as much so as reading “Winter of Our Discontent” as a child or “Room” in March 2012. Now both those novels are well-liked and recommended by other readers, so perhaps i...more

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Sep 20, 2012 A B rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Caleb J. Ross took the Mutter Museum and turned it upside down, and the result was I Didn't Mean to be Kevin. The main character is missing a lot. He's missing his ear, his mother and his memory. It makes sense that he steals body parts and sells them to museums. It makes sense that he pretends to be Kevin, a stranger's long-lost son. He's looking for some kind of validation in his life. Something to make himself feel whole.

But wait, does he really sell body parts to museums? And who is Kevin, r...more

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May 26, 2012 Paul rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A bit of an aside to start: here's an indie publisher doing right by the reader. The purpose of an indie publisher should be to publish smart books that push buttons and boundaries that would otherwise be ignored by the 50-shades-of-grey and Tom-Clancy-wannabe mainstream.

Anyway, the book itself is wild ride through struggling middle-america complete with missing body parts and some dudes looking for their moms. The plot gets ragged at times, but who cares. You read this for the truly memorable...more

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Mar 18, 2013 Tom O’Connell rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

To say that this impressed me is an immense understatement. 'I Didn't Mean to Be Kevin' is the first thing I've read from Caleb J. Ross, but I'm confident it won't be the last. (That didn't sound as trite in my head.)

Ostensibly, this is a road trip novel about Middle America. Caleb invites us along for the ride -- or, more aptly, the freak show. It isn't long before we're introduced to an engaging gaggle of weirdos (Robert the bodybuilder was my favourite) and tensing up as protagonist, Jackson...more To say that this impressed me is an immense understatement. 'I Didn't Mean to Be Kevin' is the first thing I've read from Caleb J. Ross, but I'm confident it won't be the last. (That didn't sound as trite in my head.)

Ostensibly, this is a road trip novel about Middle America. Caleb invites us along for the ride -- or, more aptly, the freak show. It isn't long before we're introduced to an engaging gaggle of weirdos (Robert the bodybuilder was my favourite) and tensing up as protagonist, Jackson Jacoby, narrowly avoids certain death for the umpteenth time.

It's difficult to review this book because it's so many things at once. At times it was messy, and at times it required a bit of work to follow, but it never frustrated me; this book was never less than entertaining. Like its wonderfully conflicted, REPULSIVE characters, this book wears its flaws -- namely the aformentioned messiness -- on its sleeve; if you indulge it for even a little while, you'll find that it's all part of its charm.

'I Didn't Mean to Be Kevin' was thrilling and utterly unpredictable. Jackson's desperation leads him down a lot of messed up roads, but you'll follow despite being uncertain about whether you can even trust him. The character I most identified with was Creg; I've been similarly led astray by friends with big personalities and questionable morals. Never a dull moment when you're in league with someone like Jackson.

There's a lot more substance to this book than my review lets on, but I feel I'd being doing a disservice if I revealed any more. I'll just say that Jackson's an unreliable narrator with mother issues and nothing to lose. Combine this premise with Ross's sweeping, confident prose and you get some revelatory passages so cutting they'll momentarily snatch your breath away.

I've heard that this novel has been compared favourably with the work of Chuck Palahniuk. I couldn't fairly comment on this as I've only read 'Invisible Monsters'. I have seen film versions of 'Fight Club' and 'Choke', though, and can thus deduce that Palahniuk is not my cup of tea. To me, his work is clumsy and heavy-handed -- the kind of overwrought rubbish that teenage boys adore because they mistake it for poignancy. 'Invisible Monsters' is rife with shallow proclomations; to me, 'Kevin' is NOTHING like this. It is gripping and full of substance.(less)

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Apr 16, 2012 Jeremy Ford rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Brilliant.

In the genre, Palahniuk just fell off the pegboard (i.e. more than just down a few pegs). Ross can do this without dissociative identity disorder or magic spells, etc., and still deliver that intrinsic sense of surreal (read: all too real) displacement.

This is the best piece of fiction I've read by Caleb Ross, and the best literary fiction I've read in years. I believe his other works (continuing the comparison) are at least on a pretty level playing field with Palahniuk, but this one...more

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May 06, 2012 Clark rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2012, reviewed

The book far exceeded my expectations. I only say that because Caleb Ross is a relatively new author with only a few titles to his name. I had the assumption that this book would be average at best. Let me tell you how wrong I was to assume that. This book was excellent. I found myself fully engrossed in the story. Caleb Ross packs a lot into these 200 pages.

Overall, I was completely impressed with this book. Caleb Ross has a lot of talent for writing. I can't wait to read more of his work. 5 s...more

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Sep 16, 2012 NJMetal rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE KEVIN by Caleb J. Ross is a unique kind of road trip story. Well maybe not entirely unique. It borrows it's feel from Chaucer's CANTERBURY TALES in the way Lucas' STAR WARS pays homage to THE HERO'S JOURNEY. There are no original ideas just great twists of classic stories. That's not to put Ross down, he is one of the most unique voices on the scene today in this reviewer's humble opinion.

Like every great (and not so great) road trip story, I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE KEVIN is about...more

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Feb 21, 2012 Josie Davis rated it 4 of 5 stars

Caleb J. Ross explores the nihilistic underbelly culture of the American Midwest in his latest novel I Didn't Mean to be Kevin. It is a reverse coming-of-age story in which Jackson Jacoby and the friends he makes each attempt to uncover a childhood they never had. It is unclear if the book is a tribute to the underclass of America or rather an account of an adrenaline addict. I Didn't Mean To Be Kevin is literature that falls in line with the dirty, drug and sex-ridden films of Gus Van Sant and...more

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Jul 30, 2012 Petri Mäkelä rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

My crush with Mr. Ross seems silly (to my partner, at least), but his description of motherless, broken men joining forces in the dirtiest, sleaziest and weirdest diners and truck stops just had a tight grip on me. Having read this in the beaches of Barcelona and the at breaks of a Finnish rowing contest, I have found myself looking for Kevins in my surroundings. There's always a few, I guess.

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Aug 30, 2012 Denise rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Not what I thought it would be based on the reviews.

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Sep 18, 2012 Pat Pujolas rated it 5 of 5 stars

picked this title up at the mention of a friend, and truth be told, didn't have very high expectations. because usually when people set me up like this, they are saying "she's got a great personality." but it soon became clear (page one?) that i was dealing with a very rare and very original talent in caleb ross. his characters are real, his descriptions vivid, his questions insightful, and most important, his storytelling is masterful, hilarious, and poignant. this is one blind date i'll never...more

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Aug 27, 2012 Brandon Nagel rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Finished in one day Could. Not. Stop. Reading. Excellent.

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Sep 29, 2012 Cathleen rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

"I Didn't Mean to Be Kevin" is a disturbing, mind provoking read. I almost didn't get beyond the beginning as it was too graphic for my taste. The story is about a man who is searching. For himself? His Mother? Or the meaning behind his existence?

Caleb J Ross writes with such brutality and graphic detail that I am not sure whether I feel disgusted, disturbed or both.

I will admit to not being a big fan of this genre, but the writer is very talented.

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Aug 20, 2012 Tania Pantoja rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Caleb Ross has one bad-ass imagination. His humor isn't too shabby, either. But, if you are looking for hope and inspiration, I'd recommend that you wait to read this story until after you've found it, not before. I want to give the book 5 stars, it clearly deserves the rating, but I am just too depressed to be that positive. Dark, really dark.

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Sep 18, 2012 Bookedpodcast rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012

Listen to the full review: http://www.bookedpodcast.com/2012/01/...

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Oct 23, 2012 Karen marked it as to-read · review of another edition

I never really got into it.

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May 02, 2013 Zoia marked it as to-read · review of another edition

Apr 29, 2013 Chris rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Apr 17, 2013 Kitty marked it as to-read · review of another edition

Shelves: kindle-freebie, kindle-cloud, purchased-082012

Apr 15, 2013 Alice marked it as to-read · review of another edition

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Apr 02, 2013 Chris marked it as to-read · review of another edition

Mar 28, 2013 Robert Koldman rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Mar 27, 2013 Louis marked it as to-read · review of another edition

Mar 26, 2013 Matthew Vaughn rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2013, general-fiiction

Mar 12, 2013 Pablo D'Stair rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

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About Caleb J. Ross

You should subscribe to my YouTube channel. Really, you should.

I'm more fun than this bio implies, I promise.

I have a BA in English Literature and creative writing from Emporia State University. My fiction and nonfiction has appeared widely, both online and in print. I am the author of five books of fiction and is a core contributor to The BookTube Vidcast, a columnist at ManArchy Magazine, and is...more

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Quotes from I Didn't Mean to Be Kevin

“Maybe universal nostalgia doesn't exist. Maybe each of us carries our own personal version of the better times. It's at about twnety-two years that we all begin to think of our childhood as the good ol' days and everything afterwards exists as a slow-motion face plant. The fall continues, through marriage, through career building, through parenthood, through old age, until we finally touch nose to ground. At twenty-two years old, I've just started, but I think I can already smell my own grave.” — 3 people liked it

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