Offbeat Bride: Taffeta-Free Alternatives for Independent Brides

by Ariel Meadow Stallings (Goodreads author)

book data

151 ratings, 3.99 average rating, 60 reviews (more data...)

rating	frequency	%
5		27%
4		50%
3		18%
2		2%
1		1%

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published

December 22nd 2007 by Seal Press

binding

Paperback, 225 pages

isbn

1580051804 (isbn13: 9781580051804)

description

A wedding memoir crossed with a tipster handbook, Offbeat Bride offers inspiration, encouragement, advice, and a celebration of aisles less traveled. ...more

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09/12/08

Lori rated it:

bookshelves: weddings

This book has become sort of a talisman/mantra for me. I'll probably read it several more times over the next year. I would suggest to anyone who marches to the beat of their own steel guitar but those family tends to put on a more traditional show. Less of a guide or source of ideas...more of a reaffirmation that one of the most important days of your life is really about the two of you, your values, your inspirations and your life together. And it would be a disservice to NOT honor all tho...more

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10/16/07

Jessica rated it:

bookshelves: instructional, memoirs

Has a copy to sell/swap — Read in October, 2007

recommends it for: Offbeat Brides, duh.

Since becoming engaged, I've read every "alterna-wedding" guide I could get my hands on and this is the only one that made any kind of sense or truly delivered on the "You can screw tradition and REALLY do whatever the hell you want for your wedding" philosophy. Ariel offers her loads of non-patronizing, useful advice for the indie-bride with a sardonic wit and makes you feel like you're talking to your (really funny) best friend, rather than reading a guide book. If you want...more

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06/27/08

Kristina rated it:

You need to read this book if you are getting hitched. It is hilarious and it is a book about weddings for the rest of us. Basically a former hippie raver gets engaged and has to figure out what she buys in to as far as the "wedding industrial complex" is concerned. Read a little Martha but be sure you pick up this one to keep your head on straight.
One of the best pieces of advice is about Bachelorette parties: If going to bars and drinking through penis straws is your idea of a...more

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07/12/07

Sidhe rated it:

Read in April, 2007

Ariel Meadow Stallings has written what hopefully will be the first in a long line of new-style wedding literature...a book for the "Indie Bride," or those who choose to walk a different path from the cookie cutter wedding the industry wants to shove at us already fully formed for a paltry $20-30,000. Although her book doesn't include many "how to" craft projects or exact instructions, it does create a feeling of "rightness" in the mind of those brides who are alre...more

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12/30/08

Irene rated it:

Read in January, 2009

This book was written by a slightly neurotic but charming blogger/writer/former raver/Burningman party girl from Seattle about her wedding to a nice, calm, quiet guy. Basically, it was written just for me. It was full of encouragement, funny stories and thoughtful suggestions about how to plan a wedding from scratch without taking anything as a given and deciding carefully what parts of the Wedding Industrial Complex to take and what to leave. I smiled while reading it and handed it to my partne...more

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01/07/09

Susie rated it:

bookshelves: i-commented

Everyone and their mother told me to pick this book up, so I did. Here's what I thought:

Um...Process Blue was the absolute WORST choice for a spot color EVER. In all the little "Did you know?" type side-bars, the black is imperceptible on top of the blue, I felt like a grandma holding the book 1 inch from my face just so I could read about how the author gets stoned and stares at a disco ball to unwind from wedding planning.

So, the book is written with some humo...more Everyone and their mother told me to pick this book up, so I did. Here's what I thought:

Um...Process Blue was the absolute WORST choice for a spot color EVER. In all the little "Did you know?" type side-bars, the black is imperceptible on top of the blue, I felt like a grandma holding the book 1 inch from my face just so I could read about how the author gets stoned and stares at a disco ball to unwind from wedding planning.

So, the book is written with some humor, and the overall theme is "be yourself, ESPECIALLY on your wedding day" which I appreciated and want to strive for, but I actually most loved the interviewed brides stories much more than the author's.. Susan Beal in particular sounds like she had some brilliant ideas on how to *really* do things differently [she made me wish I knew other people getting married around the same time!] - I'm struggling with whether or not to keep my impossible name, so I liked reading why people did or didn't as well.

In general, I feel like I had a major dose of TMI with the author's wedding. And, I could almost feel the book judging me at times, for example, for getting married even though my gay friends have been denied this right. Or, for wanting to adhere to certain specific traditions. The father walking down the aisle chapter was kind of upsetting to me as the author goes into this whole thing about how Elektra-complex it all is [not in so many words], but "do it if you want to do it"...?!?! For a book that supposedly caters to independently-minded women, I did feel like the author was a bit condescending pretty frequently if you opt to do things in any traditional way, such as booking a block of hotels for your guests [as opposed to having them camp, or figure it out for themselves]

I don't know what I expected, and I don't think I would have picked this book up if it hadn't been so fiercely recommended to me. But, like I said, there were things I liked about it as well - the overall message is an important one - and I hear the website is a great resource, possibly because it pools from more people's experiences and ideas than just the narrative perspective of a single (and extremely opinionated) author.(less)

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06/21/09

Phoebe North rated it:

bookshelves: nonfic, phreminism

Read in June, 2009

I guess my review of this book can double as an announcement: Jordan and I have set the date for a tiny, quirky wedding on October 10th! Man, those are some words I never thought I'd say. Initially, I really wanted to elope, bypassing the whole wedding planning fervor completely. But he, fairly, wanted to include some friends and family into the hullabaloo. So instead of focusing on private, whispered vows, I'm turning to places like indiebride and offbeatbrides to provide some guidance into thi...more I guess my review of this book can double as an announcement: Jordan and I have set the date for a tiny, quirky wedding on October 10th! Man, those are some words I never thought I'd say. Initially, I really wanted to elope, bypassing the whole wedding planning fervor completely. But he, fairly, wanted to include some friends and family into the hullabaloo. So instead of focusing on private, whispered vows, I'm turning to places like indiebride and offbeatbrides to provide some guidance into this daunting task: creating a big ol' party in less than four months but also to still stay true to ourselves.

If you haven't looked at it, the Offbeat Bride blog is pretty impressive--lots of resources, an active community, creative ideas, and plenty of "wedding porn" (photos). I was pleased to find blogger Ariel Meadow Stalling's book at the library. In it, she discusses each stage of the wedding planning process in a brief, warmly written chapter. You get real insight into her own relationship and wedding.

Unfortunately, I think the information on the blog itself is presented in a much better, richer way. There are no photos here; the pages are thin and the font huge. It's clear from her style of writing that these are lifted right off of a blog. What seems fun and engaging in blog format just feels a bit . . . well, childish, when laid out in very thin (2-3 page) chapters with huge margins. And she goes on a bit too much about her own wedding. You're ravers. Your mom loves humanure. We get the point! It's not that it's not funny. Mostly, it just didn't feel relevant. I want really want solid pointers, not anecdotes! Do I really have to hire someone to brew coffee for thirty people at the end of the wedding, or do I just buy a bunch of urns?! Or rent them? These questions weigh heavy on my mind right now, unfortunately.

My biggest qualm with her writing style, though, is to name drop other "offbeat brides" (friends?) without providing context. I guess these are connections she made through her blog, but that's never really made clear.

Despite all of this, reading the book itself was reassuring--you can have a wedding that's not part of the whole wedding industry behemoth. Though a lot of the stuff that Stallings talks about seems fairly self-evident, when you're in the thick of it (and fielding questions about why you're not getting a rabbi!), I suppose you can't really be reassured enough.(less)

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05/05/09

Emily rated it:

bookshelves: biographies

Read in April, 2009

Stallings is right. The Wedding Industrial Complex is stifling and repelling brides (and grooms) everywhere, and they are desperately in need of alternative options and communities to encourage their nonconformity. Naturally, one autobiographical book by one woman can never represent nor satisfy the millions of different nonconformists, but Stallings tries her best to cover all possible topics from the point of view of the quintessential woman determined to celebrate her marriage the way she a...more Stallings is right. The Wedding Industrial Complex is stifling and repelling brides (and grooms) everywhere, and they are desperately in need of alternative options and communities to encourage their nonconformity. Naturally, one autobiographical book by one woman can never represent nor satisfy the millions of different nonconformists, but Stallings tries her best to cover all possible topics from the point of view of the quintessential woman determined to celebrate her marriage the way she and her partner want to, and not sheerly because tradition or the Industry dictates it. Considering the magnitude of the task before her, she does an incredible job, and provided me with much-needed advice and solace.

Brides who want to forego only one or two traditions will probably find her too radical when she writes about her disgust with the diamond industry, marriage inequality, cosmetic salons, fathers giving the brides away, and cake-smashing. Brides (like me) who like almost none of the modern white wedding traditions will find her sometimes too conservative when she admits she just HAD to have a gift registry and was talked into having her makeup done by a Hollywood professional.

For the most part, however, she tries vigorously to offer and support two opposing offbeat views on every possible topic. She discusses both her reasons for keeping her name and the plight of feminist brides who change theirs. She points out that for some, "dressed up" can mean wildly painted toenails, and for others, it can mean just remembering to cut your toenails. And she hits something universal when she shares that the guest list was certainly the biggest monster to slay in the battle that was her wedding planning. Through it all she advocates independence, communication, and self-empowerment.

It would be wonderful to have a book less centered around the bride's (and a straight bride, at that) perspective, but this book is essentially the autobiography of a straight woman and one meant to offset effects of the Wedding Industrial Complex, which ultimately targets straight brides more than anyone else involved in a marriage.

Readers wanting to see more conservative, more radical, less heteronormative, or simply more weddings will find her celebrating it all on her website. Both the website and the book make great support systems, if not shields against all the people wanting to offer to "help" you with your wedding.

(less)

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12/02/07

Penny rated it:

Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm kind of embarassed to admit that I read (or tried to read) this book). Maybe I thought it would be different than all the other bridal books geared towards feeding the big, ugly wedding industry. In some ways, it's different. The focus still suggests that it's (only) the bride's special day. The only difference is that this particular Bridezilla has crazy hair and didn't go for anything traditional. I should've known better.

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12/31/07

kdubs rated it:

Read in December, 2007

sometimes, the things that this book described as "offbeat" (consider asking a friend to be an officiant!) were really not so offbeat at all. However, it was nice to have some validation for struggling with some of the other issues surrounding engagements and weddings. There were multiple pages about the struggle over whether or not to get a fancy ring (and many people thought i was just whacko for considering an alternative)

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08/12/08

Cathyannebaron rated it:

I am not a conventional kind of person. I almost despise most traditions. I am recently engaged and will NOT let myself have a wedding/ceremony/ party that is traditional. It will be ME and represen me. While reading this book, I found I have a lot in common with the author and I enjoyed her suggestions on how to throw a kickass party while not conforming to any set traditions. :) just lovely.

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01/10/08

Sienna rated it:

bookshelves: 2008

The amount of information available to anyone planning a wedding is ridiculously bloated to the point of being downright unhelpful. I picked up this book from Amazon on a whim and am really glad I did; it's been a great reminder to focus on what matters to Chris and me and let the stress inherent to the other details fall by the wayside. Lots of great advice and inspiring ideas as well.

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12/17/07

Meghan rated it:

bookshelves: feminism

Read in July, 2007

recommends it for: Brides who think that most weddings suck.

I'm getting married... and I guess you'd say I'm offbeat...so it only seems logical that I would read this book. It is a really witty read that has tons of useful advice and keeps you from completely losing your mind during wedding planning. Rather, it informs you that you will</> lose your mind, but at least gives you a warning.

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12/08/08

Heather rated it:

Read in November, 2008

Don't freak out -- I'm didn't read this book for any reason other than that I know Ariel and had been wanting to read her first book for a while now. Also, I love weddings. THERE IS NO SUBTEXT HERE.

It's a great book, though, and very evenhanded. Whenever Ariel points out that she's not overly fond of something (a tradition, a style, etc.) she indicates that someone she knows liked it that way. Reinforcing the subjectivity of what's "important" in the wedding trade, while enco...more

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04/30/08

Beth rated it:

Read in April, 2008

I checked this book out from the library when I was in the process of getting married and I'm glad I did. I think I would have enjoyed it a lot less had I paid for it. I don't mean that in a negative way, it's just that often blogger's books aren't that, well, meaty. It didn't offer a lot of practical wedding planning advice, but it did offer encouragement to the offbeat bride that it's ok to follow her own course. But, um, don't you get to being offbeat by not bowing to the whims of others? I ...more

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09/18/08

Kirsten rated it:

bookshelves: from-library, non-fiction

Read in September, 2008

I'm getting married in August 2009, and I needed some guidance in planning, but I quickly found that most bridal magazines and books were dedicated to planning weddings I would have no interest in attending, let alone planning for myself. Fortunately, I stumbled across Offbeatbride.com, a website started by a woman who had precisely the same problem.

Ariel Meadow Stallings's book, a companion to her website, describes the process of planning her own wedding, a decidedly nontraditiona...more

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01/07/09

Laura rated it:

bookshelves: non-fic, wedding

Read in January, 2009

The Offbeat Bride is a great read for anyone planning an unconventional wedding. It details the author’s struggle to create the offbeat wedding of her dreams (think vegan chow, hula hoops & hippie dance circles) while avoiding societal pressure to conform to tradition. It includes great planning and etiquette tips as well as ways to hold onto your sanity and identity during the wedding planning process. There are also websites and other indie resources listed to help you plan your own uniqu...more

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01/02/09

AnnaBnana rated it:

bookshelves: adult-info

This book helped give me the courage to do things my way--to not worry so much about what other people were going to think about my wedding. We planned it out so that the ceremony was at the center of our priorities. We made it funny and sincere and memorable. Then we had a fun party. Loved this book! (And the accompanying online community!)

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01/05/09

Casey rated it:

Read in December, 2008

A nice affirmation of what I'm trying to do with my wedding (not specifically the raver aspect, but something that suits us, not what others want). I will probably re-read sections of this over the course of my planning. I only wish it had more sources or actual DIY instructions. Love the affiliated web site and Tribe.

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06/13/09

Unwisely rated it:

Read in April, 2009

Apparently I didn't review this one after I read it. Gah. Too bad, because this was probably my favorite of the bridal guides I've read recently - down to earth, not superior, and it comes with a great website with lots of posts from actual brides. So, from a month or two later, I highly recommend this one.

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