Where is the Mango Princess?

published	2001 by Vintage
binding	Paperback
isbn	0375704426 (isbn13: 9780375704420)
pages	272
description	"Alan's brain got run over by a speedboat," Cathy Crimmins writes. "That last sentence reads like a bad country-western song lyric, bu...more [close] "Alan's brain got run over by a speedboat," Cathy Crimmins writes. "That last sentence reads like a bad country-western song lyric, but it's true. It was a silly, horrible, stupid accident." And so begins the harrowing tale of a family vacation gone awry when a speedboat collides with her husband's small craft, changing their lives forever. Crimmins (The Seven Habits of Highly Defective People and When My Parents Were My Age They Were Old... or Who Are You Calling Middle-Aged?) is used to writing with wit, self-effacing humor, and a warmth that can bring readers to their knees--or at least to tears of laughter. But in this stunning memoir about her husband's brain injury and the subsequent fallout, Crimmins has outdone herself, bringing all her sharply honed narrative skills into play as she tackles the life-wrenching drama of witnessing her husband's near death and ensuing rebirth as a very different person. Crimmins takes readers inside the drama with all the right details and interior feelings to keep us fully mesmerized: her 7-year-old daughter's ashen face, her husband's twitching body, the paramedic's alarming question, "Is your husband one of these people that ordinarily has large pupils?" As deftly as she takes readers inside this personal story of not-quite recovery--more like discovery--she is also able to pan back and show readers the comedic silver lining (the self-important doctors, the moments of mishaps, and of course, the whereabouts of the mysterious Mango Princess) that lies within the cloud of her family's tragedy. Anyone who has endured a head trauma or loved someone who has will be engrossed by this wise and knowledgeable storyteller. The rest of us will have a captivating lesson about the rejuvenation of the brain as well as the human heart. --Gail Hudson [close]
date added	02-20-07 edit book

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Ray rated it:

01/17/08

Read in January, 2003

Where is the Mango Princess? is a truly touching but tragic account of Traumatic Brian Injury (TBI) and its impact on a family. As much as I respect Anne Lamont, I wonder at her comment, at least as it appears on the book cover blurb, that this is a story of `recovery.' What exactly has been recovered? And how redemptive has this been in the lives of Cathy Crimmins and her husband Alan? Surely Cathy has had to address her once `hands-off' approach to marriage and has chosen to become a truly sac...more Where is the Mango Princess? is a truly touching but tragic account of Traumatic Brian Injury (TBI) and its impact on a family. As much as I respect Anne Lamont, I wonder at her comment, at least as it appears on the book cover blurb, that this is a story of `recovery.' What exactly has been recovered? And how redemptive has this been in the lives of Cathy Crimmins and her husband Alan? Surely Cathy has had to address her once `hands-off' approach to marriage and has chosen to become a truly sacrificial wife, in the process shedding much of the enlightened independence she had so highly prized. In this way, she has somehow backed into a richer `covenantal' attitude to her husband (reflected in the traditional vows she, no doubt, took). She is living much more for him, even when he does not appreciate it, realize it, or have as much to offer in return. The picture is sad but beautiful, and highly instructive. Her world is a far more blessed place as a result of her response to this tragedy.

And yet, has she `recovered?' What exactly did she `lose' and what does she have back now? Her `wellness?' Her `humanity?' Maybe it is his that is recovered? I am not sure. Because her beautiful story remains largely fruitless for her life. After much struggle, she has learned to `cope.' Her story, filled with potential power, is ultimately a lovely tragedy.

This is instructive to anyone who might seek to care for someone who has suffered TBI and to their family. I have ministered to a few, and wish I had read in advance the Mango Princess (particularly through the lens of chapter 5 of Edward Welch's Blame it on the Brain). I think of one person in particular. Looking back I realize neither he nor I coped with the results of his injury adequately. I did not really understand the ways his injury legitimately impacted her, because it was clear that he was being so willfully selfish and hurtful. And he in turn wanted to blame his sin completely on his injury. The big issue I wish I had seen better in the past: his TBI did create some very significant hidden weaknesses that needed to be recognized and accounted for in trying to help his deal with his struggles.

Families in these circumstances face special heart obstacles, as Crimmins so thoughtfully illustrates. Like Alan, the victims very often heal outwardly in a short time, causing the families frustration at not seeing a similar recovery in their mental, emotional and behavioral issues. He is walking again; he is talking again; his wound is healed up; he looks all better; so why can't he start acting more like he used to? He's not a vegetable, and he can seem like his `old self' sometimes, so why does he have to acts so impulsive or socially inappropriate? Why is his sense of humor so `weird?' Why doesn't he respond to things the way we used to (reasoning, prayer)? And if so, why can't they just do some surgery or give him a pill that will `fix' him?

The real physical impact of the injury needs to be understood if the mundane duties of living are to be carried forward, and if the heart of the person and his family and friends are to be challenged to greater spiritual maturity. Perhaps the hardest thing to grapple with (something Crimmins seems to miss) is the truth that the best explanation of post-injury behavior is pre-injury character (See Ed Welch, p. 90). Welch suggests the difficult but potentially liberating truth that the injury can act as `truth serum' to its victims. It can be deeply discouraging, but it also can be redemptively potent as people gain more open access to what was truly in the person's heart all along.

TBI calls for special care and love. A superficial attitude by loved ones can unwittingly contribute to the complex problems.

Crimmins provides a very thoughtful, sensitive, moving (if somewhat unsatisfying) account of her own deep experience....less

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Cindy rated it:

04/12/08

Read in April, 2008

recommended to Cindy by: Gwen H, nurse extraordinaire!
recommends it for: caregivers

After her husband sustains a severe head injury in a boating accident, the author describes completely losing the man she married to traumatic brain injury (TBI). The husband who awakens from a coma is, at best, hurt, broken, and confused. At worst, he has rages and fits, he kicks and bites, does not know his wife and child, and is abusive and dangerous. The book spans a life of one man three years post-injury, vividly relating his actions and the absurd sequelae as his brain bleeds, bruises, ...more

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Ashley rated it:

02/01/08

Read in February, 2008

I wish I had more time to review books on here but this one deserves a few words. I absolutely loved this book from start to finish. I really felt for both Cathy and daughter Kelly and also the book gave me a great insight on traumatic brain injuries and what they do to not only a person but to a family as well. The writing was great - funny even for such a very serious topic - and I never wanted to put it down. It gave me a glimmer of interest in working someday in the clinical side of TR to ex...more

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