I Suck at Girls
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I Suck at Girls

3.76 of 5 stars 3.76  ·  rating details  ·  10,452 ratings  ·  1,360 reviews
"Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier."

Fans of the #1 bestseller "Sh*t My Dad Says" will recognize the always-patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through the pages of this hysterical new book. The st...more
Paperback, 180 pages
Published May 15th 2012 by It Books (first published January 1st 2012)
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John
May 29, 2012 John rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: humorists, Twitter followers
Recommended to John by: Justin Halpern
Warning: before you pick up Justin Halpern's I Suck at Girls to read for the first time, be sure to set your coffee down. Failure to do so may result in some spilled beverage all over the book pages or your Kindle.

You know, it really hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose...

I Suck at Girls

Without dropping any spoilers, the author dedicates his newest book to Amanda, and it quickly becomes clear in the first chapter that she was his focus. Early on we find that he has decided to propose to her, so he goes t...more
Bonnie
After loving the random tweets from Justin Halpern I was ecstatic to read his debut full-length novel. Sh*t My Dad Says was absolutely hilarious and had me laughing profusely. Clearly, I was on board for anything else this man came out with.

Unfortunately it was a pretty huge disappointment as far as what I was anticipating. I Suck at Girls chronicles the authors bad experiences with girls which dates back to his early childhood. Obviously the intention of these stories is humor; however, I ended...more
Deb
**But he doesn’t suck at writing.**
Perhaps Justin Halpern may have sucked at girls, but he certainly does not suck at writing. Just as was the case with his first book _Sh*t My Dad Says_, Justin’s writing is laugh-out-loud funny and underneath-it-all touching.

After dating his fiancé Amanda for four years, Justin decides to propose to her. He enthusiastically shares his big news with his father who (in typical Halpern dad fashion) responds with: “I don’t know what you want from me. I’m happy for...more
Shay
Basically, this book is about Halpern's (mostly non-existent or solo) love life from his teen years through proposing to his girlfriend. In his first book, Sh*t My Dad Says , his father was the star. The guy with the best and funniest lines. The same is true in I Suck at Girls- he's clearly riding on dad's coat tails.

Like many wives, I'm always trying to get my husband to read more. That's the reason I bought Halpern's first book. It seemed like such a "guy" book. The same is true of this book w...more
Medeia Sharif
In I SUCK AT GIRLS, Halpern details childhood and adulthood incidents with the opposite sex. As the title promises, there’s plenty of awkwardness, some of it sweet since the author finds the love of his life. I was also glad to see Halpern’s father in the book, with his foul mouth and words of wisdom. It’s a hilarious read and I loved it just as much as Halpern’s first book, SH*T MY DAD SAYS. The saying “truth is stranger than fiction” can be applied to Halpern's work.
Natalie Monroe
"'When you're sweet on a woman, you do crazy shit. It happens. You ain't used to feeling that way about somebody.'

'I feel that way sometimes about Mom,' I said.

'What? No, you don't. Jesus, that's the creepiest goddamn thing you've ever said to me.'


I read that little tidbit on the subway and snorted so loud I alarmed my neighbors. I'm sure by the time I got off, half of them were convinced I was watching porn (because when I wasn't laughing, I was grinning like a deranged clown) or suffering fro...more
Holly
I really enjoyed Justin Halpern's first book S*it My Dad Says and found the humor in that book the be witty, direct and, although very cutting, often very insightful. So, I was eager to read this one.

In this book, the author has recently decided to propose to his girlfriend. Having told no one of this plan, he goes to the one person who he knows will tell him, directly, what he thinks. His father doesn't skip a beat, tells him to wait a day and spend that time reflecting on everything he's lear...more
Megan
With some funny moments that got me to chuckle aloud - in public, even - some well-learned (if not terribly profound) insights, and his father's trademarked style of expression, this book has a lot to offer. I'd rate it higher if there was more of it. I finished it in under 2 hours, and it seems like Halpern is intelligent and contemplative enough to come up with more than this. Certainly, he could have told us more about his relationship with Amanda, the woman at whom he finally, apparently, do...more
Natalie
I'm pretty sure anyone passing by me in the car while listening to this thinks there is something wrong with me. So damn funny.
Angelc
You may have heard of another book by this author, "S*** My Dad Says." The book started as a Twitter feed, became a best selling book, and then became a tv show staring William Shatner. A lot of this book is more "S*** My Dad Says" but there is a lot about the author's experiences in dating too.

The advice and snippets that the author's dad actually says is awesome. It's so quick witted and funny, and most rings true. However, I think the snippets might be better as actual snippets, such as quick...more
Michael
When Justin Halpern decides the time has come to propose to his girlfriend, Amanda, he takes his father to lunch to discuss the decision and look for some fatherly wisdom and/or advice.

For most of us, this would be fairly normal. But Justin's dad is the dad from S*** My Dad Says. After his father points out that the news shouldn't be a surprise to anyone, he then challenges Justin to take a moment and reflect on his various relationships with women before he makes the momentous move. Justin tak...more
KOMET
This was one of the funniest books I've read in a long time. It begins when the author treats his dad out to lunch and tells him he's decided to marry his girlfriend. His father's response:
"You've been dating her for four years"..."It ain't like you found a parallel f--k-ng universe."

The author's father goes on to advise him to take a day off and reflect on everything he's learned about women, relationships, and himself before coming to a decision. Thereupon the author takes us on a trip throug...more
CC
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Krista

I didn't read Sh t My Dad Says, mostly because I object to the coarsening of public spaces that results from seeing the title at the book store, and then in the TV listings. I'm not some total prude; I'm not offended by adults sprinkling their language with expletives in private conversation, but I don't want to hear (or see) that language at McDonalds with a bunch of kids running around. As a result, I had an idea that Justin Halpern's Dad was some kind of narrow-minded, foul-mouthed Archie Bun...more
Susan
I was happily surprised with this book, and in fact thought it was much funnier and better written than 'Sh*t My Dad Says'. It shows his gruff old geezer dead actually has a soft heart. When Justin told him he wanted to propose to his girlfriend, he had some great advice."I took a day and I sat and thought about all the things I had learned about myself, and about women, up to that point in my life. Just sat and thought.I may have smoked marijuana as well.Anyway, at the end of the day, I took st...more
Sowmya's book world
It was a book about a boy having trouble with girls. He is not good at talking to them , pleasing them or good in any sort of category where he can impress a girl. The book was witty . I think justin's dad has taken all the attention of the book.

This was a funny light heart reading. Though it was very gross at some of the part i liked Justin's dad.
Jackie
This is Halpern's second book. The first, "Shit My Dad Says" was a runaway hit that I did not read. So I decided to get on the bandwagon early with this one. This book is Justin's ruminations about his various misadventures with women from early life until he proposes to the woman who is now his wife. It's an entertaining book that often leads to laughter and groaning--for both the characters and the reader. Halpern is not shy about sharing his mistakes or the lesser parts of his personality, wh...more
Michelle
my friend recommended this book saying that it was hilarious and I had to read it. Well I'm always ready for a laugh so I dove in. Though there were some moments that did make me laugh out loud (the drawing he made for his little crush), it was just that....a moment. It did have great life lessons and his father is wonderfully wise without being too hallmark mushy about it. I am not sure if me not having a father figure in my life had something to do with not thinking it was as funny as others....more
Ash
I can't quite rate this accurately. It's above 3.5 but not an exact 4. Stuck between a 3 and a 4, i thought well i still very much enjoyed reading this since it had just the right mix of awkwardness and heart yet i still find it highly amusing.

While i was laughing my heads off mostly the entire time reading Sh*t My Dad Says, i wasn't entirely feeling the exact same way with this one. To compare both and say that this book is not good would be a lie and unfair but to say that it was as rib-tickli...more
Gavin
Well written, funny, fun but short book. I would easily recommend this to others. I don't know how much of it is real, but I hope a lot.

I loved his stories, and gives an anxiety based person like me a lot of hope for the future.
Renee Hauge
What a fun read! This book was laugh-out-loud funny. Seriously. And I almost never laugh out loud when reading. Justin's dad is hilarious so the funniest bits in the book feature him and his outrageous comments. So why only 3 stars? Because even though it's a rocking good time, at the end you're left with so little. It's like eating cotton candy. It's yummy delicious while you're scarfing it down but when it's over, you're still hungry. Because you've just eaten air... delicious air but just air...more
Bill Krieger
"You suck at writing" too. He he. Sorry, just kidding. That's my own lame attempt at humor.

This book is very short. It's only a couple of hours to read. I think I got sucked in (he he again) by the title on this one. Good title. It's not very funny though. The author also wrote Shit My Dad Says. I've heard of that one, and had I known this was the same deal, I wouldn't have grabbed this book.

The setting for the book is the author's childhood and some of his dating experiences. This, however, is...more
Luanne Ollivier
Justin Halpern....Isn't he the guy whose dad...? Yes, this is the second book from Justin Halpern, who shot to fame when he started a twitter account sharing his father's wisdom - sh*t my dad says. It snowballed - a best selling book and a television show followed. And, yeah his dad is pretty funny.

The fun continues with I Suck at Girls as Halpern details his passage through the birds and bees, adolescence, dating and ultimately marriage. All of course with a good dose of fatherly advice.

I was g...more
Kelly Hager
Justin Halpern is best known for his Twitter account Shit My Dad Says (and its subsequent book). This is not really about that, but his dad plays a large part in this book, too. After he decides to propose to his girlfriend, his dad gives him the advice to take a day and think about his life and past relationships and then propose (or not, I guess, depending on where his thoughts take him). This book is the result of that. :)

I haven't read the Shit My Dad Says book, but I have read a bunch of th...more
Diane
A few years ago, Justin Halpern rocked the book world with his best-selling book, Sh*t My Dad Says, based on his Twitter feed where he just wrote hilarious stuff his cranky dad told him. The tweets turned into a book which turned into a TV show that did not do the book justice.

In my review of the book, I said that you could tell who in my family was reading the book by the burst of laughter coming from various rooms in the apartment. My adult sons and I loved the profane, funny and yes, touching...more
Doug
Halpern, if you don't recognize the name, is that guy who parlayed a twitter feed about the stuff his dad says into a career/TV deal/etc..

I'm not a fan of the twitter; I tried it and found it a bit too much of a not-so-good thing. But it was sometimes amusing, and I was curious what Halpern's writing might be like without the crutch of his dad's persona.

It turns out this is not the book that answers that question. The central conceit is that Halpern is prompted by a life event to re-examine his...more
Bennett Gavrish
Grade: B+

L/C Ratio: 10/90
(This means I estimate the author devoted 10% of his effort to creating a literary work of art and 90% of his effort to creating a commercial bestseller.)

Thematic Breakdown:
40% - Memoir
25% - Humor
25% - Relationships
10% - Family


Does anyone under the age of 40 really deserve to have not one, but two memoir-ish titles published? The answer is yes – as long as the books can make readers laugh. Halpern's new release may not have quite as many punchlines as Shit My Dad Says, b...more
Maria
The 411 by Maria:

Let me start with this....one of my favorite book reviews of the year so far. WOW! I literally cannot stop rereading it to myself and anyone who will listen. Tonight I am going to down and highlight my favorite "dad" quotes. Pee your pants funny.

Hysterical read! I am not sure how "dad's" (Sam's) wife can be so normal. She must have literally needed Depends to live with this character. Humor is so attractive to me which means I find Sam super sexy!

Some of my favorites:

Justin draw...more
Jim
Oct 20, 2013 Jim rated it 2 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: nobody
Shelves: humor
A coworker loaned this audio book to me for a short road-trip over a weekend...it's from the same author who took the world by storm with his first book, "Sh*t My Dad Says". This 4 hour book follows pretty much the same track, with plenty of dad quotes that are clear and to the point...no big words here, since most of dad's vocabulary is comprised for four-letter words...mildly funny at first, but crude and a bit boring by the end. The book chronicles the life of Jason through his misadventures...more
Andrea Mullarkey
I missed the Shit My Dad Says twitter feed, book, TV show debacle etc. So when I picked up this book I didn’t have much in the way of expectations. I thought it would be a funny, guys-eye-view on romance, but I had no idea just how funny it would be. Not only were there many, many laugh-out-loud moments, it was compulsively readable. I would find myself standing in line for coffee reading on my phone and laughing while my latte was being made heedless of the many people around likely to find me...more
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Overrated to the core. 6 58 May 10, 2014 05:36AM  
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3406353
I'm 29. I live with my 74-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says.

In the pic, I am on the far right and dad is one the far left. That's a friend between us.
More about Justin Halpern...
Sh*t My Dad Says More Shit My Dad Says Lời vàng của bố Cartel II: Summer, 2012 Cartel IV: Winter, 2013

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“... human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello.” 28 likes
“Life is fucking long, especially if you're stupid.” 26 likes
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