To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born?: Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlers
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To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born?: Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlers

3.93 of 5 stars 3.93  ·  rating details  ·  28 ratings  ·  14 reviews
 Q: How do you breed contempt?
A: Have a baby.

 Hey. It’s me. Your baby. Let me say, first off, that I love you. I do. You’re a great parent. You do a lot of things right. I know how devoted you are to me and how invested you are in hitting this whole parenting thing out of the playground. Okay. Now that I’ve given you the val...more
ebook, 112 pages
Published April 10th 2012 by Atria Books
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Kimberly Chapman
I am loving this book. I'm only partway through because I'm saving it for times when I need a quick bit of stress relief, and because I don't want to use it up too fast.

It really is very clever stuff that all parents will appreciate.

Check out these videos by stars reading some of the poems:

It's one thing to name the love between us as "unconditional,"
it's another to put that into practice.

I believe that you love me no matter what the conditions,
but you must admit that, under some conditions,
you love me just a little bit less.

I can tell when you're annoyed at me.
You don't hide it very well.
Even if you bite your tongue,
mask your frustration,
take ten deep cleansing breaths,
I'm still aware of your anger.
Your milk tastes mad.

I don't take it personall...more
Suzanne Weber provides a snarky voice to the baby who can't communicate except through shrieks and grunts. Humorously, the baby waxes poetic on the amount of money her mother and father are spending on strollers, car seats, carriers, and nursery items. She laments how much she doesn't care about any of it. All she wants is a heated bum wipe. My personal favorite is "Where Are My Hands?" I laughed out loud at many of the poems. They were clever and snarky.

One word of warning, however. There are A...more
This little tome started out being fun and somewhat hilarious. Poems about babies suddenly wondering where their hands went as they're swaddled and deciding they'll just go to sleep because there's nothing else to do are great. The poems are silly and entertaining...and then, something strange happens. Rather strident messages become apparent. The author seems to believe that mothers are inherently better than fathers, and that vaccines are bad and to give your child one means you have a "red-st...more
Rosanna Leo
I love this book! As a mom, I related in a way that was almost painful. If you appreciate dry humor laced with the odd expletive, written in a baby`s voice, this is for you. And if you just appreciate good humor period, you need to read this book. In the clever poems, a baby waxes poetic about such indignities as visiting Santa, having to wear PJ`s in the afternoon and being forced to burp. The vengeful tone puts one in mind of Stewie from Family Guy. It is absolutely brilliant.
If it were possible to give it 5+ stars, I would! I love this book and am so happy my mommy recommended it to me. To heck with "what to expect, the first year" or any other parenting books. This would be the book that I would hand a new mother - because sometimes you just really need a dose of humor. I swear I could hear my daughter in these poems. This is a must-read for all parents, especially parents of babies and toddlers!
A book of poems by baby/todder to its parents. Absolutely tears-running-down-my-legs hilarious! Found it perusing B&N for a new-baby gift for friend. Laughed uproariously all by myself. Read the whole dang thing. THE perfect mom's day gift or new mom gift, but only for the right someone (irreverent sense of humor and delight in the "f" word). Go read this!!!!!!!!!
There were a couple of really funny poems, especially the one where the narrator lists different types of cries and one of them is "no more Dan Zanes." More like 2.5 stars.
Absolutely hilarious. I can just imagine my twins saying all of these things. Of course, I wouldn't have understood the majority of it before becoming a mom.
Peyton Price
Suzanne Weber's revenge poetry tugs on the heartstrings with one hand and goes for the jugular with the other. So entertaining--and complicated, just like babies.
Hilarious! You know it's good when your husband is walking around the house reading the poems aloud to you! What your bitter baby may say if they could talk!
Leah Coffin
I smiled and sometimes chuckled at most of these poems. Then I read "iConfess" and screamed with laughter. A+++ would LOL again.
Snarky babies! Who knew? A fun read, and the title (which is also the title of one of the poems) is hilarious.
Wasn't really my kind of poetry book...
Alison Videto
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To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born?: Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlers

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