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To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born?: Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlers
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To What Miserable Wretches Have I Been Born?: Revenge Poetry for Babies and Toddlers

really liked it 4.0  ·  Rating Details ·  37 Ratings  ·  17 Reviews
 Q: How do you breed contempt?
A: Have a baby.

 Hey. It’s me. Your baby. Let me say, first off, that I love you. I do. You’re a great parent. You do a lot of things right. I know how devoted you are to me and how invested you are in hitting this whole parenting thing out of the playground. Okay. Now that I’ve given you the validation I know you need, let’s get a few things
ebook, 112 pages
Published April 10th 2012 by Atria Books
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Kimberly Chapman
Aug 03, 2012 Kimberly Chapman rated it it was amazing
I am loving this book. I'm only partway through because I'm saving it for times when I need a quick bit of stress relief, and because I don't want to use it up too fast.

It really is very clever stuff that all parents will appreciate.

Check out these videos by stars reading some of the poems:
Apr 08, 2013 Kelly rated it liked it

It's one thing to name the love between us as "unconditional,"
it's another to put that into practice.

I believe that you love me no matter what the conditions,
but you must admit that, under some conditions,
you love me just a little bit less.

I can tell when you're annoyed at me.
You don't hide it very well.
Even if you bite your tongue,
mask your frustration,
take ten deep cleansing breaths,
I'm still aware of your anger.
Your milk tastes mad.

I don't take it personall
Jan 11, 2012 Nancy rated it really liked it
Suzanne Weber provides a snarky voice to the baby who can't communicate except through shrieks and grunts. Humorously, the baby waxes poetic on the amount of money her mother and father are spending on strollers, car seats, carriers, and nursery items. She laments how much she doesn't care about any of it. All she wants is a heated bum wipe. My personal favorite is "Where Are My Hands?" I laughed out loud at many of the poems. They were clever and snarky.

One word of warning, however. There are A
May 14, 2015 Robert rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: Future Parents of Bitter Bambinos
This was required out loud bedtime reading for my wife and I as we were expecting our first baby, and one that provoked many a laugh and a smile as we drifted off to sleep.

The poem-by-poem quality varied quite a bit and, I felt, tailed off toward the end, but some of them, such as the Santa Claus-themed "I've Never Seen This Man Before in My Life" or the grandparent-themed "Tata & Gampy" were pure genius in my view.

The language employed is a little salty, and the cultural references are all
Aug 11, 2013 Leah rated it did not like it
This little tome started out being fun and somewhat hilarious. Poems about babies suddenly wondering where their hands went as they're swaddled and deciding they'll just go to sleep because there's nothing else to do are great. The poems are silly and entertaining...and then, something strange happens. Rather strident messages become apparent. The author seems to believe that mothers are inherently better than fathers, and that vaccines are bad and to give your child one means you have a "red-st ...more
Oct 05, 2012 Christina rated it it was amazing
Shelves: nonfiction
If it were possible to give it 5+ stars, I would! I love this book and am so happy my mommy recommended it to me. To heck with "what to expect, the first year" or any other parenting books. This would be the book that I would hand a new mother - because sometimes you just really need a dose of humor. I swear I could hear my daughter in these poems. This is a must-read for all parents, especially parents of babies and toddlers!
Rosanna Leo
May 03, 2013 Rosanna Leo rated it it was amazing
I love this book! As a mom, I related in a way that was almost painful. If you appreciate dry humor laced with the odd expletive, written in a baby`s voice, this is for you. And if you just appreciate good humor period, you need to read this book. In the clever poems, a baby waxes poetic about such indignities as visiting Santa, having to wear PJ`s in the afternoon and being forced to burp. The vengeful tone puts one in mind of Stewie from Family Guy. It is absolutely brilliant. ...more
Apr 26, 2012 Tracymarksseglin rated it it was amazing
A book of poems by baby/todder to its parents. Absolutely tears-running-down-my-legs hilarious! Found it perusing B&N for a new-baby gift for friend. Laughed uproariously all by myself. Read the whole dang thing. THE perfect mom's day gift or new mom gift, but only for the right someone (irreverent sense of humor and delight in the "f" word). Go read this!!!!!!!!!
Leah Coffin
Jan 07, 2013 Leah Coffin rated it really liked it
I smiled and sometimes chuckled at most of these poems. Then I read "iConfess" and screamed with laughter. A+++ would LOL again.
May 22, 2012 Katie rated it it was amazing
Absolutely hilarious. I can just imagine my twins saying all of these things. Of course, I wouldn't have understood the majority of it before becoming a mom.
Apr 30, 2016 Lindsey rated it it was amazing
Shelves: y-non-fic
I now longer have a tiny little one but this is just perfect.
A lot of parents can see their infants thinking these funny poems.
Jan 05, 2013 Erin rated it liked it
Snarky babies! Who knew? A fun read, and the title (which is also the title of one of the poems) is hilarious.
Jun 11, 2012 Kelly rated it really liked it
Hilarious! You know it's good when your husband is walking around the house reading the poems aloud to you! What your bitter baby may say if they could talk!
Peyton Price
Feb 27, 2012 Peyton Price rated it it was amazing
Suzanne Weber's revenge poetry tugs on the heartstrings with one hand and goes for the jugular with the other. So entertaining--and complicated, just like babies.
Dec 04, 2015 Rachelle rated it liked it
I've been experimenting with poetry books lately, and this one wasn't really my style but it doesn't mean it's bad. I just wasn't relating to it personally, but I think this is great for parents.
May 29, 2012 Kristy rated it did not like it
Wasn't really my kind of poetry book...
Apr 24, 2012 Jessie rated it it was ok
There were a couple of really funny poems, especially the one where the narrator lists different types of cries and one of them is "no more Dan Zanes." More like 2.5 stars.
Janice Maloney
Janice Maloney rated it it was amazing
Sep 03, 2014
Mary rated it it was amazing
Jan 07, 2013
Jennifer Cavins
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Dec 08, 2012
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Jul 29, 2012
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Jan 14, 2013
Susan rated it it was amazing
Jul 29, 2012
Angelique Early
Angelique Early rated it really liked it
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Haley rated it it was amazing
Jan 16, 2015
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