It’s (Not That) Complicated: How to Relate to Guys in a Healthy, Sane, and Biblical Way
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It’s (Not That) Complicated: How to Relate to Guys in a Healthy, Sane, and Biblical Way

4.49 of 5 stars 4.49  ·  rating details  ·  219 ratings  ·  41 reviews
259 pages
Published November 1st 2011 (first published January 1st 2011)
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Community Reviews

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If you want a book that talks about Christ-honoring relationships with the opposite gender but don't want extreme patriarchal views intertwined...don't read this book. It had some good ideas. Young men and women can and should communicate and build each other up in the Lord. This I agree with. However, I disagree with the extreme views of the authors as far as their male dominance views go. Basically, women are not complete without men and vica versa. I agree that we need each other, but I do no...more
Panda Incognito
Jun 01, 2012 Panda Incognito rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: All single Christian girls
Of all the relationship-oriented books, blog posts, and Christian magazine articles that I have read, none have been as Biblically solid or as helpful as this book. Were I to go through this book with a highlighter, the entire thing would be neon yellow.

This is a book from which all Christian girls can benefit. Unlike some materials I have read, this does not focus only on specific behaviors that should be avoided or a few things that you should do to be pure. Instead, it effectively deals with...more
Feb 15, 2013 Nicole rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Single ladies, parents of singles
I thoroughly enjoyed this book and the easy, relaxed manner in which the authors presented truth. Anna Sofia Botkin & Elizabeth Botkin have provided single girls of all ages with practical advice and Godly counsel that could honestly revolutionize our society and culture if only those same single girls would accept this advice and counsel with a heart that is open to following God's correct order and plan.

An excellent, thorough, and even lighthearted read!
When my Mom asked me to preview this book for my younger sister, I didn't think much of it. After all, I'm nineteen years old. I've read everything from I Kissed Dating Goodbye to Twilight. I've read, observed, seen, even written a little on everything there is to know about....lurve. This book could not have any possible baring on me now....right?
It's (Not That) Complicated is a terrific book. It was the advice I needed, and offered a lot of thoughts and perspectives I never considered. I l...more
Cassandra Noelle
I have had the opportunity to listen to Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin speak multiple times. I've read So Much More and listened to their audios. All the time, I decided that I couldn't appreciate their message because the girls seemed so unreachable. They seemed so mature and serious. It seemed like they weren't smiling in every picture that I saw of them. This mind-set and view of these girls went on for years with me.

Then, early on this year, I listened to their message on Adventurous Femini...more
Steve Hemmeke
The Botkin daughters, unmarried and in their mid-20s, write to young ladies on how to relate to guys. I haven’t read their prior work, like Return of the Daughters and So Much More, judging the concept touted in the marketing material to be extra-Biblical. But I gave “It’s Not that Complicated” a try, and was pleasantly surprised.

Girls tend to have unrealistic expectations about boys. They think that every boy will converse like a pro. They set up an idealized gold standard. Just like guys expec...more
This book was both edifying and a joy to read! The Botkin sisters did an excellent job referencing and using the Scriptures as our ultimate guide concerning this subject! I found chapters 10, 11, and 13 to contain some of the best and most relevant information concerning guy-girl relationships, and there is much in them that we need to lay to heart.
Lady Grace
This was such a thought-provoking book! I really enjoyed reading it.
Natalie Wickham
My friend sat down across the table from me at a local restaurant. We exchanged a few pleasantries before I broached the subject that had prompted the day’s lunch meeting. “How is the situation with your guy friend going?” She looked at me, raised her eyebrows, and began, “’s complicated.” My mind immediately drifted to the ingeniously titled new book by sisters Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin: “It’s Not That Complicated.” I hadn’t read the book yet, but by the end of our lengthy conver...more
Shantelle Mary
It's (Not That) Complicated by Anna Sofia Botkin...and her sister, Elizabeth I think... is a book worth reading. Yes, there were a few little things I didn't quite know what to think about, such as the "shy, timid" girls needing to step up and start spurring on the guys toward Christ. Yes, spurring others on toward Christ is what we're made to do, but there are little things like, make sure that guy doesn't think you like him because you're paying so much attenion and stuff. And there were a fe...more
This is the second-and more than likely not the last-time I've read this book. I had previously read this book in December of 2011 but wanted to re-read it again since it was that good and I wanted to go through it slowly to get the full benefits of the rich wisdom and inspiration found in it's pages. Let me start by telling you that this book is amazing. You cannot go wrong by reading it. There is such wisdom that the Botkin ladies share. Anna Sofia and Elizabeth bring things to the table that...more
This book helped me to understand myself better and the way I look at other s and mostly young men. The Lord has given us strict guidance on these matters and we are prone to skim over His words and commandments. They talk about being content with the life the Lord has given us right now in our fathers homes, and not dreaming and waiting for "Prince Charming" to come. We as women look at men sometimes as not a person or individual but more as a hunk of meat to win. We as daughters and sister nee...more
Sophia Smithe
In a humorous yet thought provoking fashion, the Botkin sisters explore the 'Boy Problem' in depth beginning with it's ultimate roots and then branching out to cover some of the most common outworkings that trouble so many multitudes of girls. They challenge the reader to consider her own heart, motives, and standing before God before being so quick to shift all the blame on the guys. Complete with witty 'real life' examples as well as first hand testimonies from several young men, this book be...more
Feb 26, 2014 Shani rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Single Young Ladies
It's Not That Complicated, the second book by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin, daughters of Geoffrey and Victoria Botkin, challenges modern thinking in regards to relationships between the sexes. Written "by girls, for girls", Anna Sofia and Elizabeth share the wisdom they have gleaned through their single years. The Lord has given them a unique insight for this day in age and through His Word, the shepherding of their parents, their own experiences and the experiences of their five brothers the...more
Sep 19, 2012 Allie rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: all Christian single girls!
very practical, challenging, humorous and helpful book! it really helped my perspective on guys and how to act around them! You won't come away from this book without personal growth!
My Dad wants me to write a book report on this, so I will be posting that as my review as soon as I get it written. =)
Alissa Ackerman
This book was absolutely excellent.

I must admit, it took me forever to finish... But that was my own fault; i kept getting "too busy to read" and my life was complicated at the time i started reading this.. And this book gives so much to think about.. I didn't feel capable of even holding it in my circumstances.
This is a very convicting book, and i was a bit afraid of dealing with that!

Anyway, though; this book is filled with wisdom. I feel like Anna-Sophia and Elizabeth covered basically everyt...more
It's not that complicated, but that doesn't mean it wasn't convicting!

Excellent, insightful, and often humorous analysis of the subject of young adult relationships among the Church. While written to girls, I think there is much guys can glean out of this book as well, especially if you're like me and have no sisters and don't have a great grasp of the feminine psyche.

The main lesson I identified in this book is this: having healthy relationships with young adult members of the opposite gender i...more
Piper Glidewell
Oct 07, 2013 Piper Glidewell rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: all women
I would recommend this book to every Christian woman or girl. Mothers: you and your daughters need to know what this book has to say. this book grabbed me and shook me upside down and told me what I was doing wrong in my relationship with my brother and father let alone the guys in the neighborhood. I am so glad that I read this book and hope that every one of my sisters and sisters in Christ read this book. there are no regrets in reading this book except one and that is that I didn't read it s...more
Apr 04, 2012 Lynley rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Any female ages of 12 and Up
Recommended to Lynley by: My mom got it for me as a gift
This book is like a ray of light in the dark, confusing world of cross-gender relationships. I would encourage any young woman to read this book, especially if you feel confused about communication with the opposite sex and how to have meaningful guy-girl friendships without them spiraling into the quasi-romances so popular today. This book doesn't give you tips on how to be cuter, more popular, or more guy-savvy; it deals with heart issues. For me, it was like a light-bulb finally flipped on. F...more
Mar 04, 2012 Eiraenae rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Everyone
I have read a lot of books about how to treat guys, so many that I sometimes lose count! But this one book summed them all up by looking at the heart issues, rather than having a list of do's and don't's.

I loved how it pointed me repeatedly to the Bible, and I loved its message, summed up in these Bible verses: "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law ?" And He said to him, " 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.'"Thi...more
Alissa Dawn
This text Provides a fairly comprehensive study of the varieties of interactions between the genders. The authors consistently exhort young ladies to engage their male peers with a sisterly regard originating from Christian love, as opposed to selfish ambition. It is well rooted in scripture, and would be an excellent addition in any tween/teen/young adult library.
The title says it all, Its NOT THAT complicated!
I have learned alot from this book and hope to buy it soon.
This book is for young woman and woman. This book will give you a better view on boys and how we should encourage them, and more! This book has words from other men. This book talks about modesty too. Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin have alot of wisdom. In the back of the book there is a section for Dads to read and a section for the Moms. Moms should read this book too.
This is a must read...more
This book was inspiring and challenging, Anna Sophia and Elizabeth Botkin gave a down-to-earth, sensible, and realistic look on the way young women can live around boys and learn to become a godly, sensible, wise, humble, meek, quiet and inspiring women of the world. I believe that every girl should read "It's Not that Complicated" by these amazing authoresses! I know if girls read this book this world will change drastically, in the best way.
A multiple-read. The Botkin sisters give a clear, biblical analysis of girl-guy relationships, address common problems that girls have in navigating and understanding such relationships, and so much more. They write in a sisterly tone as friends who have been in your shoes and who understand what you are dealing with. I would recommend this book to any young lady, and I would give it to my sons to read as well.
This is the big girl version of "Before You Meet Prince Charming." The Botkin sisters have broken down guy/girl relationships in a warm, easy to understand way. I really loved the sections written by the young men. They gave great insight and encouragement. At a moment when I had decided it was indeed complicated, they showed me that it really doesn't have to be that way.
May 19, 2013 Janey rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Janey by: Anita Couch
After so many Christian books that implausibly tell girls not to talk to guys one on one until you're engaged, this book was a welcome relief. It tells how to relate you guys in a Christian way (if you're planning on marrying them or not! Actually mainly not, since most of the guys you encounter you aren't going to marry!)
Where has this book been all my life? I really like the way that this book isn't about guys, and isn't about girls, but it's about promoting God's glory. It was a nice touch to have real men's comments in the book as well.
Sep 18, 2012 Sarah added it
Learned tons. Some doubt the Botkin girls' authority on this subject, but I think it was good since they have 5 brothers. Of course, if they were writing about marriage, that would be a different story.
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Unfortunate cover 3 41 Apr 30, 2013 11:00AM  
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“When seeing the simple truth means recognizing that we're in sin, we would rather see things as being complicated.” 5 likes
“Judge a man not by his clothes, but by his wife's clothes."
-John Gregory”
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