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It’s (Not That) Complicated: How to Relate to Guys in a Healthy, Sane, and Biblical Way
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It’s (Not That) Complicated: How to Relate to Guys in a Healthy, Sane, and Biblical Way

4.43 of 5 stars 4.43  ·  rating details  ·  369 ratings  ·  58 reviews
Ever been confused about friendships with boys? How to handle crushes? How friendly is too friendly? How close is too close? What to do when a guy is being way too friendly? What guys think about all this? What it means to be a "sister, in all purity"? Guy-girl relationships have always been complicated, but perhaps never more so than today. It's (Not That) Complicated is ...more
Paperback, 259 pages
Published November 1st 2011 by Western Conservatory (first published January 1st 2011)
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 930)
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If you want a book that talks about Christ-honoring relationships with the opposite gender but don't want extreme patriarchal views intertwined...don't read this book. It had some good ideas. Young men and women can and should communicate and build each other up in the Lord. This I agree with. However, I disagree with the extreme views of the authors as far as their male dominance views go. Basically, women are not complete without men and vica versa. I agree that we need each other, but I do no ...more
It can be really hard to review a book that changed your life. Let me try anyway.

When I first read It's (Not That) Complicated I'd already read a whole bunch of other books for young women about guy/girl relationships. Most of those seemed to focus on handling emotions, keeping pure, keeping busy, and using your single years to deepen your relationship with God.

It's (Not That) Complicated is about all these things. But it's also about far, far more.

I read it. It was convicting. It was encouragi
Panda Incognito
Jun 01, 2012 Panda Incognito rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: All single Christian girls
Of all the relationship-oriented books, blog posts, and Christian magazine articles that I have read, none have been as Biblically solid or as helpful as this book. Were I to go through this book with a highlighter, the entire thing would be neon yellow.

This is a book from which all Christian girls can benefit. Unlike some materials I have read, this does not focus only on specific behaviors that should be avoided or a few things that you should do to be pure. Instead, it effectively deals with
Feb 15, 2013 Nicole rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Single ladies, parents of singles
I thoroughly enjoyed this book and the easy, relaxed manner in which the authors presented truth. Anna Sofia Botkin & Elizabeth Botkin have provided single girls of all ages with practical advice and Godly counsel that could honestly revolutionize our society and culture if only those same single girls would accept this advice and counsel with a heart that is open to following God's correct order and plan.

An excellent, thorough, and even lighthearted read!
When my Mom asked me to preview this book for my younger sister, I didn't think much of it. After all, I'm nineteen years old. I've read everything from I Kissed Dating Goodbye to Twilight. I've read, observed, seen, even written a little on everything there is to know about....lurve. This book could not have any possible baring on me now....right?
It's (Not That) Complicated is a terrific book. It was the advice I needed, and offered a lot of thoughts and perspectives I never considered. I l
Cassandra Noelle
I have had the opportunity to listen to Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin speak multiple times. I've read So Much More and listened to their audios. All the time, I decided that I couldn't appreciate their message because the girls seemed so unreachable. They seemed so mature and serious. It seemed like they weren't smiling in every picture that I saw of them. This mind-set and view of these girls went on for years with me.

Then, early on this year, I listened to their message on Adventurous Femini
Steve Hemmeke
The Botkin daughters, unmarried and in their mid-20s, write to young ladies on how to relate to guys. I haven’t read their prior work, like Return of the Daughters and So Much More, judging the concept touted in the marketing material to be extra-Biblical. But I gave “It’s Not that Complicated” a try, and was pleasantly surprised.

Girls tend to have unrealistic expectations about boys. They think that every boy will converse like a pro. They set up an idealized gold standard. Just like guys expec
This book was both edifying and a joy to read! The Botkin sisters did an excellent job referencing and using the Scriptures as our ultimate guide concerning this subject! I found chapters 10, 11, and 13 to contain some of the best and most relevant information concerning guy-girl relationships, and there is much in them that we need to lay to heart.
This was such a thought-provoking book! I really enjoyed reading it.
Natalie Wickham
My friend sat down across the table from me at a local restaurant. We exchanged a few pleasantries before I broached the subject that had prompted the day’s lunch meeting. “How is the situation with your guy friend going?” She looked at me, raised her eyebrows, and began, “’s complicated.” My mind immediately drifted to the ingeniously titled new book by sisters Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin: “It’s Not That Complicated.” I hadn’t read the book yet, but by the end of our lengthy conver ...more
It's (Not That) Complicated by Anna Sofia Botkin...and her sister, Elizabeth I think... is a book worth reading. Yes, there were a few little things I didn't quite know what to think about, such as the "shy, timid" girls needing to step up and start spurring on the guys toward Christ. Yes, spurring others on toward Christ is what we're made to do, but there are little things like, make sure that guy doesn't think you like him because you're paying so much attenion and stuff. And there were a fe ...more
It's not that complicated, but that doesn't mean it wasn't convicting!

Excellent, insightful, and often humorous analysis of the subject of young adult relationships among the Church. While written to girls, I think there is much guys can glean out of this book as well, especially if you're like me and have no sisters and don't have a great grasp of the feminine psyche.

The main lesson I identified in this book is this: having healthy relationships with young adult members of the opposite gender i
This is the second-and more than likely not the last-time I've read this book. I had previously read this book in December of 2011 but wanted to re-read it again since it was that good and I wanted to go through it slowly to get the full benefits of the rich wisdom and inspiration found in it's pages. Let me start by telling you that this book is amazing. You cannot go wrong by reading it. There is such wisdom that the Botkin ladies share. Anna Sofia and Elizabeth bring things to the table that ...more
This book helped me to understand myself better and the way I look at other s and mostly young men. The Lord has given us strict guidance on these matters and we are prone to skim over His words and commandments. They talk about being content with the life the Lord has given us right now in our fathers homes, and not dreaming and waiting for "Prince Charming" to come. We as women look at men sometimes as not a person or individual but more as a hunk of meat to win. We as daughters and sister nee ...more
Sophia Smithe
In a humorous yet thought provoking fashion, the Botkin sisters explore the 'Boy Problem' in depth beginning with it's ultimate roots and then branching out to cover some of the most common outworkings that trouble so many multitudes of girls. They challenge the reader to consider her own heart, motives, and standing before God before being so quick to shift all the blame on the guys. Complete with witty 'real life' examples as well as first hand testimonies from several young men, this book be ...more
A multiple-read. The Botkin sisters give a clear, biblical analysis of girl-guy relationships, address common problems that girls have in navigating and understanding such relationships, and so much more. They write in a sisterly tone as friends who have been in your shoes and who understand what you are dealing with. I would recommend this book to any young lady, and I would give it to my sons to read as well.

(upon reading it from cover to cover again: Yeah. Read it. Just read it)
The book offers some great advice on how to handle relationships with guys in a godly way. However there are somethings that I disagree with and somethings are also vague. For instance that God made men as leaders, and the women's role is to aid them. Oh please, many women are made to be leaders, too. Don't let women discouraged that they can't lead, because they can. But other than that, the book was a good read.
Feb 26, 2014 Shani rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Single Young Ladies
It's Not That Complicated, the second book by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin, daughters of Geoffrey and Victoria Botkin, challenges modern thinking in regards to relationships between the sexes. Written "by girls, for girls", Anna Sofia and Elizabeth share the wisdom they have gleaned through their single years. The Lord has given them a unique insight for this day in age and through His Word, the shepherding of their parents, their own experiences and the experiences of their five brothers the ...more
Anne Marie
**First, it has probably been 3+ years since I read it, so I don't remember many specifics. I bet if I read it again, I would have more positive things to say about it, but it left a bad taste in my mouth.** Looking back, I didn't have the spiritual maturity to recognize/appropriately deal with the legalism presented in this book; I took everything at face-value, and I that robbed me of joy in my friendships with guys. That's my fault — I know the authors aren't responsible for my maturity in Ch ...more
Sep 19, 2012 Allie rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: all Christian single girls!
very practical, challenging, humorous and helpful book! it really helped my perspective on guys and how to act around them! You won't come away from this book without personal growth!
My Dad wants me to write a book report on this, so I will be posting that as my review as soon as I get it written. =)
I an not a feminist in ANY way, but I still had some issues with some of the statements they included...about men being our "destiny", and that we would be complete when we were complementing a man. As a Christian single young woman, I thought that this would be an immensely practical read. In actuality, I found myself gleaning insight pretty much ONLY from the chapter on how to love and treat our siblings/brothers and the chapter on "killing crushes" and valuing emotional purity. At one point, ...more
Alissa Ackerman
This book was absolutely excellent.

I must admit, it took me forever to finish... But that was my own fault; i kept getting "too busy to read" and my life was complicated at the time i started reading this.. And this book gives so much to think about.. I didn't feel capable of even holding it in my circumstances.
This is a very convicting book, and i was a bit afraid of dealing with that!

Anyway, though; this book is filled with wisdom. I feel like Anna-Sophia and Elizabeth covered basically everyt
Piper Glidewell
Oct 07, 2013 Piper Glidewell rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: all women
I would recommend this book to every Christian woman or girl. Mothers: you and your daughters need to know what this book has to say. this book grabbed me and shook me upside down and told me what I was doing wrong in my relationship with my brother and father let alone the guys in the neighborhood. I am so glad that I read this book and hope that every one of my sisters and sisters in Christ read this book. there are no regrets in reading this book except one and that is that I didn't read it s ...more
Apr 04, 2012 Lynley rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Any female ages of 12 and Up
Recommended to Lynley by: My mom got it for me as a gift
This book is like a ray of light in the dark, confusing world of cross-gender relationships. I would encourage any young woman to read this book, especially if you feel confused about communication with the opposite sex and how to have meaningful guy-girl friendships without them spiraling into the quasi-romances so popular today. This book doesn't give you tips on how to be cuter, more popular, or more guy-savvy; it deals with heart issues. For me, it was like a light-bulb finally flipped on. F ...more
Joshua Blair
I’ve read this book four times and it’s one of three books I read every year. For all that, I can’t write a decent review to save my life. Every time I try, it comes out all gushy, and I imagine that the three people in this world who would hate a gushy review the most are myself and the two authors of “It’s (not that) Complicated.”

Suffice it to say that this book covers a wide range of relational issues all from a God-centered, others-focused perspective. It deals with both the heart of the ma
Mar 04, 2012 Eiraenae rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Everyone
I have read a lot of books about how to treat guys, so many that I sometimes lose count! But this one book summed them all up by looking at the heart issues, rather than having a list of do's and don't's.

I loved how it pointed me repeatedly to the Bible, and I loved its message, summed up in these Bible verses: "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law ?" And He said to him, " 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.'"Thi
I would totally recommend this book for all teenage girls. It helped me a lot with my friendships with boys. If you struggle with how to behave around boys (etc.) then read this book.
Clare Farrelly
This book is amazing the principles in it are very biblicaly based and helpful. The comments by the 17 young men were encouraging. I found it very interesting to hear what what/how they thought about things. This book explains well how to relate to guys in a healthy, sane and biblical way.There was heaps of relevant information about guy-girl relationships. The book is thought provoking and answered a lot of questions I had been thinking about.Reading this book helped me to see guys in a realist ...more
Humorous, helpful, convicting and wise, the Botkin ladies once again tackle the dragons that girls face today in this great book. Another must read.
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“When seeing the simple truth means recognizing that we're in sin, we would rather see things as being complicated.” 7 likes
“Judge a man not by his clothes, but by his wife's clothes."
-John Gregory”
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