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I'm Ok, You're Ok

3.65 of 5 stars 3.65  ·  rating details  ·  11,221 ratings  ·  193 reviews
"Happy childhood" notwithstanding, most of us are living out the NOT OK feelings of a defenseless CHILD wholly dependent on OK others for stroking and care. By the third year of life, says Dr. Harris, most of us have made the unconscious decision I'M NOT OK-YOU'RE OK. This negative Life Position, shared by successful and unsuccessful people alike, contaminates our rational ...more
Paperback, 320 pages
Published April 1st 1976 by Avon (first published 1967)
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It's rare that you come across a book that takes you six months to finish, with more or less weekly efforts to just get it over with. 274 pages later and I still can't identify Harris's thesis.

This book suffers from trying to be everything and ends up being nothing. Despite my bitter frustration from laboring through this insipid, disorganized mess, I still will give Harris the benefit of the doubt and assume this was all done in good faith and was a concerted effort to reach out to people in n
History has not been kind to I'm Okay-You're Okay: Inter-racial marriages and pre-marital sex are not quite the taboo subjects they used to be and it's been a while since I saw the word "retards" used seriously. Indeed, the world Harris portrays seems straight out of Leave it to Beaver, which cements the whole feel of the book in the time and place it was written.

But there is much to learn here on the topic of transactional analysis and the P-A-C (parent, adult and child) within us all. Particu
About fourteen billion years ago when I was a young child, I remember my mother had this book on my parents’ bookshelf. I remember three things about it. Firstly, it was one of the few titles on that memorable shelf that I could understand at that age. I also remember the strong vivid colours of the cover, so redolent of the 70s. The final thing I remember is that it was definitely my mother’s book and not my father’s. I think in later years, although my memory is scratched from my furious effor ...more
این کتاب به نوعی عصاره مشرب روانشناسی معاصر آمریکاست که در تقابل جدی با مکتب اروپایی لکان قرار دارد.
تامس هریس با محور قرار دادن علوم رفتاری به تحلیل رفتار آدمی دست می زند و تقسیم بندی او شامل کودک-بالغ -والد است که به زعم نویسنده، علی زغم شباهت به تقسیم بندی مشهور فروید (نهاد-من-فرا من) با آن متفاوت است.
از جمله برجستگی های این کتاب، کاربرد آن برای استفاده در ادبیات نمایشی است، چنانکه ابراهیم مکی در کتاب "شناخت عوامل نمایش" خواندن این کتاب را به عنوان پایه ای برای تحلیل رفتار های انسان و در نتیجه
Mary Lou
Lots of good information my favorites:

When it doubt leave it out (restrain first impulse)
Blaming your faults on your nature does not change the nature of your faults
If you do not chart a course, you will fall back in the same spot
Love is not glazing at each other, but looking outward together in the same direction
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it
If you baby a baby when he's a baby you won't have to baby him the rest of his life
People attract not that which they want,
Adam Bryant
My mom called me a hippy for reading this book, but it gave me a unique perspective on how to approach interpersonal relationships with everyone in my life. I learned lessons in the book that I use on a daily basis in parenting, being a husband, and working with others, nearly 15 years after reading it for the first time. If you half to ever talk to other humans, you should read it.
I had to read this book twice before I realised its significance. It would be a huge mistake to think that this is simply a 1960's psychobabble book, understanding transactional analysis can really help you understand what other people mean, not just what they say. It's a book that should be read by anyone who has to deal with people on a day-to-day basis... and that's most of us.
Susanna - Censored by GoodReads
I'm still trying to figure out why a psychiatrist thought this was a good book to give a deeply depressed 12-year-old.
کتاب بسیار خوبی هست به آدم خیلی کمک می کنه که بتونه کودک،بالغ و والد درونش رو تشخیص بده و بدونه با کدوم یکی از زیرشخصیت هاش داره کاری رو انجام میده یا حرفی رو میزنه.
این کتاب بسیار به من کمک کرد تا بتونم منطقی با افراد بحث کنم. در کل توانایی جر و بحث کردن و پیروزی آدم تو بحث کردن رو زیاد میکنه ولی آدم باید از این تواناییش در راه درست استفاده کنه...
Gary Patton
Dr. Harris' book was the second of the late 1960s & early ‘70s pop-psychology books about "Transactional Analysis that was written for the mass North American market. It's predecessor was "Games People Play" by Eric Berne, the father of "Transactional analysis, and Dr. Harris' mentor and teacher.

Both were run-away Best Sellers ...each holding NY Times Best Seller list records. Might this be because: "Self-help’s readers — guilt-stricken, fear-plagued, stupid-choice-making as they are — can b
Snopsis, although not mine, of the Book - Over 7 Million sold per Amazon.

Transactional Analysis delineates three observable ego-states (Parent, Adult, and Child) as the basis for the content and quality of interpersonal communication. "Happy childhood" notwithstanding, says Harris, most of us are living out the Not ok feelings of a defenseless child, dependent on ok others (parents) for stroking and caring. At some stage early in our lives we adopt a "position" about ourselves and others that de
Shoubhik Banerjee
When my friend introduced me to this book, I was pretty sceptic about it. I had never tried any book of this genre. But my love for psychology made me read this book. And the first few sentences got me riveted to this book. Although Transactional Analysis in psychiatry is as complicated as psychiatry itself, the way this book introduces the reader to the concept of Super-ego, Ego and Id, is amazingly simple. Some may say it has been oversimplified, but i think it does a good enough job to get st ...more
It took me a long time to read & inculcate the concepts in my life and analyse various transactions and games people play.You cant just read it in one go and throw it away.The theories are so immersing that as the day passes it becomes more interesting.Its a way of living life.Once the concept is embedded in your brain, you see the world through states/ IDs.
This book has a potential to change ones life but the disclaimer is to go slow, observe the communications, people behavior around you a
Ana r
پس از سالها گشتن به دنبال خویشتن خویش،این کتاب آنچه باید را برای من روشن کرد.
یاریم دادآنجا که نمی دانستم کیست در من که مرا می گریاند،می خنداند،خشمگین می کند،پای مرازنجیر می کند،بدون چون وچرا آنچه نمی خواهم رالازم الاجرا می کنندو
Not to be dismissed as 60's pop psychology. An easy read, but makes me differenciate rational decisionmaking from acceptance of unevaluated truth statements.
RK Byers
labels almost everything, answers almost nothing.
William Perrin
This book is for the politically disaffected. It seems a major shame to me that any author writing psychology or self helps writings would mix his own liberal political views into any writing, but that's exactly what has happened with this book. In Harris' section on "The Social Implications of PAC" - Chapter 13 - page 259 Harris writes about the "Berkley Uprising" and do I really care? No that isn't why I chose to read the book. This book is littered with such non-sense from page 1 straight thr ...more
Urban Sedlar
An eye-opening interpretation of interpersonal relationships; it develops a theory, free of often misunderstood psychological jargon, that anyone should be able to understand in the same manner.

The main idea put forward is that everyone consists of three separate states: the parent, the child and the adult. Parent state mimics how you perceived your own parents from birth to the age of ~5, the child state is a tape recording of your own feelings of inferiority as a child (from birth to the age o
Gabriel-paul Israel
I really enjoyed reading this book. I have struggled for a very long time with the crossed lines of transactional analysis. I find that the diagrams in the book are wonderful for further understanding of the Parent, Adult, Child paradigm. I have been learning this paradigm for awhile without knowing where the paradigm first began. I use of the information within the paradigm has helped me grow and better understand myself. Furthermore, I think that the importance of the discussion of the labels ...more
Ken Henry
This was required reading in college. It has without a doubt has some insightful arguments. A elementary level of communication skills.
However, another "feel good book that misses out on the importance of evaluating ones self upon a wrong system of beliefs.
Would better be described in the self help books, " fake it till you make it." A clean shave , clean cut hair and new cloths
and now by self pronouncement your O..K. and so is everyone else.
It most certain is written from a world view of man. "

من هیچ وقت دوست نداشتم و ندارم که کسی برایم معلم باشد و معلمبازی در بیاورد. همیشه از نصیحت متنفر بودم. به همین خاطر نه از کسی نصیحت میشنوم و نه به کسی نصیحت میکنم. دورهی این حرفها گذشته است دیگر

یادم میاید چند وقت پیش با یکی از دوستان صحبت میکردم. میگفت : من هر وقت به کسی کتاب هدیه میدهم برایش به عنوان تقدیم نامه یک جملهی قصار یا تکاندهنده یا سنگین مینویسم. بهش گفتم من متنفرم از این که کسی کتابی به من هدیه بدهد که به عنوان تقدیمنامه برایم جملهی قصار بنویسد و از این تیپ حرفها. مثل بچهادم یه تقدیم
Sahar Pirmoradian
This book gave me a model of how my bahviours could be classified into Child, Parent, Adult. Having a model in mind, I get less hopeless about an undesired state I go through. For example, when I ridiculously act like a child, instead of panicking of whom I am, I say, "It is alright. You are simply in your Child. Think of how to move to your Adult.", then I try to "think" instead of reacting. Likewise, if I see another person behaving bossy, I'd say, "he is in his Parent state, can I help him mo ...more
این اثر توماس هریس را اسماعیل فصیح به فارسی برگردانده و نشر نو در 1365 منتشر کرده است. توماس هریس یک روانپزشک است و این کتابش در دهه ی هفتاد، به عنوان پر فروش، یا "بست سللر" دو سال در صدر فروش بازار کتاب بود. شاید تنها علت ترجمه ی این کتاب به فارسی هم، احتمال فروش بالای آن بوده، که متاسفانه بنظر می رسد چنین نشد. در این زمینه در دهه ی چهل شمسی، یکی دیگر از این پیامبران آمریکایی با فرمول "زندگی خوش و خوب" در ایران مشهور شد، "دیل کارنگی"؛ که معقتد بود می داند "موفقیت" چگونه به دست می آید. حتی در بر ...more
Mikey Chapman
I want to find something good to say about this book, but I'm struggling. I first heard about transactional analysis from a University Lecturer of mine, and when I came across this book in the dusty recesses of a second hand bookshop I thought why not.
I can't say I regret piking it up, as it does effectively outline the basis of transactional analysis, however it is dated in its setting, and does go off on many tangents. I also can't say that I didn't like the tangents, on the contrary I was int
Adrian Dinu
Maybe it won't be the same for you, but to me it's opened my eyes by giving me an entirely new lens through which to look at myself. Awesome book, absolutely loved it!

It was very interesting and very insightful in dealing the 3 components of the Self: the Parent, Child and Adult, and how the interactions between these 3 determine many of our behaviours, reactions and states. The clear and beautiful explanations of each "life position" [ I'm (not) OK & You're (not) OK ] were also very useful
Pooja Naidu
Like its theory, the book is only just ok. And this solves the problems of psychotherapy, seriously?? Such a narrow minded perspective with no combination matching those ppl who have gone through emotional neglect or childhood abuse-they might initially be in a state that they are not ok but everyone is, but they later understand that their parents were faulty too & further transform themselves making their hearts stronger leading to the stage of I'm ok but you're not ok, which is nothing bu ...more
Arun ks
"To say that we are free is merely to mean that we know what we are doing". Been in emotional unrest and lack of a way to make sense of what i do (The games that I played..)

Have always turned myself away when i have read a comment or review about a book as life changing.

Here i am admitting that reading this book has been mind liberating,enlightening,life defining experience in my life for having given me a language to interpret my own mind.
Jane Miller
I read this book in the 70's and still use aspects of it in my daily life. "I'm OK, You're OK" delves into transactional analysis, the way different aspects of one person's personality interacts with others.

It's an interesting read. You will look at your interactions in a completely different light.
This book helped me out of several personal crisis. Knowing you are as good as the next person and not someone less that others gave my personality a big boost. I recommend this book to those searching for their identity in this world. Dennis Schroll
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Book Ratings 3 22 Jun 05, 2013 05:27AM  
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“Common to the many theories about the birth trauma is the assumption that the feelings produced by this event were recorded and reside in some form in the brain. This assumption is supported by the great number of repetitious dreams of the “drainage pipe” variety” 0 likes
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