Caregiver

Mar 05, 2012 Shirley Frances rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: mm-bingo-2012, mm-read, 2012

This book was excellent. The subject matter of the story was both heartbreaking and exceptional. It was beautiful to see how two guys get together and overcome their grief, their struggles and accept their fate in an environment filled with uncertainty and at a time where everything about their sexuality is questioned.

Every character added depth to the story, every struggle helped the characters develop fully. It was an exceptional read that left me drained emotionally and made me really feel f...more

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Nov 03, 2011 T.A. Webb rated it 5 of 5 stars

It is very hard to separate myself, my life, my friends and my losses from a book like this. I was in my early 20's when the "gay cancer" started to be talked about, and was 30 in 1991, when this book is set. I remember when my best friend since I was in 6th grade tested positive, dropped out of sight and eventually died alone in Marin County, because he was so afraid we would see him wither and die. I remember my roommate, a kind, gentle man with a beautiful tenor who sang in his church choir h...more It is very hard to separate myself, my life, my friends and my losses from a book like this. I was in my early 20's when the "gay cancer" started to be talked about, and was 30 in 1991, when this book is set. I remember when my best friend since I was in 6th grade tested positive, dropped out of sight and eventually died alone in Marin County, because he was so afraid we would see him wither and die. I remember my roommate, a kind, gentle man with a beautiful tenor who sang in his church choir had to be hospitalized time after time with pneumocyctis pneumonia and I started seeing KS lesions, and his eyes dulled with cataracts. And how I thanked God every day after my first test was negative, when I had night sweats and sore gums and thought the worst. And how we went to more funerals than any group of young men should ever have to go to. And how we prayed for a cure, or even better medications than AZT, and how slowly some of our prayers were answered. And how we kept on loving and living.

This isn't my story, but in an odd, loving way, it is. Mine, and every man out there who lost a loved one to this cruel and ugly disease.

Dan and his partner Mark move from Chicago to the warm climate of Tampa for a fresh start. Mark's slow slide into addiction forces them to run away from their home and try a new place, a new life, with new friends. While they look for work, Dan decides to become and "AIDS buddy" with a local outreach agency.

Adam is a wisp of a man, blonde and cute, snarly and tough as nails and a riot. He is also positive, moving into the later stages of his infection, and though he presents a good front, scared. His partner, Sullivan, supports him but is scared what the disease might do to him. Miracle of miracles, he has tested negative, and while he loves Adam dearly, he wants to stay that way.

This is really the story of four men, although two are gone in very different ways throughout the book. It is also a very powerful story about how loss can turn into love. How being willing to surrender and let go can bring strength. How a man's heart can love and lose and still keep beating. And how friendships can grow into more. And most of all, how we all have to remember to keep memories alive and keep living through the losses.

Mr. Reed had written a gentle lullaby of a book here, and it sang me to rest with loving memories of lost ones, dear friends, and shared joys. Thanks.

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Dec 14, 2011 Allie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Oh Adam! Poor promiscuous Adam. How I hate what happened to him. I hated how he spent his last few days in jail. Hated that he was riddled with that unforgiving disease. Hated that his life was cut so short. In a different decade things might have turned out so different for the poor young man.

I really enjoyed Rick's writing, once again - different from the other books I have read. But I have not read them all yet :)

I enjoyed that Adam stayed with Dan throughout the story. I loved that Mark was...more

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Jan 11, 2012 Lenore rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: m-m, net-galley, pub-dreamspinner, reviewed-by-yours-truly, 2012, less-than-perfect-hh, meh, memoirs, wtf, draaaaama, too-sappy, drag, ugh-little-to-no-sex

*This review may contain mild spoilers*

This is my first book by Rick R. Reed and, from what I gather going through his other titles (which are mainly of the horror and crime genre), it’s not a typical example of his work.

The story takes place in the year 1991 and it’s about Dan Calzolaio, a man in his early thirties, who moves from the North (Chicago) to the South (Tampa, Florida) with his partner, Mark, in an attempt to make a fresh start in life. It’s not exactly something he wants, he likes h...more

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Nov 10, 2011 Eden Winters rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: books-that-made-me-think, un-freaking-believable

What can I say? I'm an avid reader who devours massive amounts of books each year, and I've been fortunate enough to have found many to love and cherish. Then I read Caregiver, or rather, I didn't so much read it as experience it, for it touched me in a way that's beyond mere words on a page.

This is a unique love story, for it tells of different kinds of love, and how they shape the protagonist, Dan's life. There is the love for a dying man, Adam, who helps Dan possibly more than Dan helps him....more What can I say? I'm an avid reader who devours massive amounts of books each year, and I've been fortunate enough to have found many to love and cherish. Then I read Caregiver, or rather, I didn't so much read it as experience it, for it touched me in a way that's beyond mere words on a page.

This is a unique love story, for it tells of different kinds of love, and how they shape the protagonist, Dan's life. There is the love for a dying man, Adam, who helps Dan possibly more than Dan helps him. There's Mark, a man who brought pain and joy to Dan's life, and ultimately Dan had to open his hand and let Mark fall, lest both of them go down together. There's Sullivan, steadfast, faithful, and hurting. There's an expression used in this book that really struck a chord with me: "people come into our lives for a reason, for a season, or for a lifetime.." That expression is proven true in Adam, Mark, and Sullivan. All were necessary parts of Dan's life and had an important role to play.

I remember the late 80's, early 90's, when a horridendous disease struck without warning, laying waste to so many lives. We were horrified. Couldn't modern medicine do anything? Thankfully, we've made medical advances since those dark times, but so many bright young lives were lost. Caregiver is a poignant tribute to those hard times and those who died so tragically. I cried the hardest when I read Dan's final letter to Adam, telling him that if he could have held on a few more years, that treatments could have given him a better, longer life. If only we'd had such things back then.

That said, though this book deals with heavy topics like AIDS and drug abuse, it isn't dark. Yes, I cried, both sad and happy tears, but the overall message is one of hope, triumph over dispair, and that those who are gone live on in our hearts forever. I'm rating this book five stars because that's all that's allowed, but Caregiver transcends ratings. It's in a class by itself. I cannot recommend this novel highly enough. And Mr. Reed? You have my wholehearted thanks for sharing this tale with the world. Yes, I'm getting sappy, but for awhile you actually let me walk in another's shoes, totally bringing me into the lives of these four men, and here's hoping that I'm walking away a better person for having known them. (less)

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Mar 22, 2013 deirdre rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: free, m-m

4 stars . . .
Updated 3/2013
If all these months later this book still comes to mind, if the characters created here still make me think . . .this is a great read!!
I am due a reread of this one!

3+ stars
story explored topics including friendship, love, and watching a loved one die of AIDS.
heavy-ish

what i liked . . .
*adam. that character is a panic! he sounds like he lived his life as hell on wheels. it did not always work out for him, he frequently hurt the ones around him (didn't like that part) b...more

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Feb 12, 2012 Erik Orrantia rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Slight Spoiler Alert!

As it says in the end of the book, "love stories cannot be confined to formulas." True enough--many romances are cliché. Still, I find it hard to call this exactly a romance. A wedge of life in the early 90's, it's a flashback to the beginning of the AIDS crisis when KP and terrible infections were the expected finale of every AIDS victim. Reed brought the bitter truth of the past back in a lively, painful fashion.

He also dealt with the heartbreak of drug addiction and the d...more

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Dec 12, 2011 Indie Reviews rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: indie-reviews, fiction, lgbt, romance, three-dollar-bill-reviews

Sometimes someone enters our life and leaves an indelible mark on us even though our time with them may equal only a moment if measured against the span of a lifetime. And yet, we are fundamentally changed as a result of having known them.

Caregiver by Rick R. Reed is the intensely moving story of such a relationship. It’s about the personal journey that Dan Calzolaio embarks upon as a result of the friendship he forms with Adam Schmidt when he volunteers to be his AIDS buddy. Dan believes that h...more

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Jun 01, 2012 Karen rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: fiction, grief, m-m, mental-health, romance

4.5 stars

At first I thought this novel was a solid four stars. (I was initially a little dismayed to see the error of attributing Marquette University to Madison rather than to Milwaukee, and I worried that the mistake might be an early sign of sloppy writing or editing.) But as I got farther into the book, I recognized how deeply the story was working. It's not a depressing book, but it is honest, sometimes touchingly sad, and very emotionally true.

The characters and settings work well; and the...more

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Nov 21, 2012 Eve rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: bought

Although this was well written, I couldn't bring myself to like any of the characters other than Adam. The other 2 MCs seemed not too bright and a bit calculating and just basically ungenerous souls. I guess I like to think that love makes us go to extraordinary lengths for those we love, whereas in this book love just makes the MCs go a teeny bit further than friendship would...

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Jan 31, 2012 Elisa Ramblings added it

“I was beautiful, I was young, I was awesome… please just remember me.” While reading Caregiver these are the words in my mind, whispered by Adam this time, but whispered by so many other young men each time I post about one of them. They are survived by their long-time companions… is this companion looking the news to see if someone is remembering them? After the painful first years, when it was obvious to remember them, 10 years, 15 years later, 20 years now later, there is still someone sendi...more “I was beautiful, I was young, I was awesome… please just remember me.” While reading Caregiver these are the words in my mind, whispered by Adam this time, but whispered by so many other young men each time I post about one of them. They are survived by their long-time companions… is this companion looking the news to see if someone is remembering them? After the painful first years, when it was obvious to remember them, 10 years, 15 years later, 20 years now later, there is still someone sending an email to whom survived? The books are out of print, but the memory? Is it still vivid? This is what I think each time I read about a young life AIDS stole too soon, and as the same Rick R. Reed said in the novel, if they had managed to survive for an year or two, maybe they would have been in time for those cures that don’t take the plague away, but at least allow you to survive longer than your twenties.

This was probably what passed through Rick R. Reed’s mind; he jokes about this being a novel in a memoir in a novel, i.e. the novel written by Rick R. Reed start with another author, Dan Shoemaker, having his novel rejected by a publisher since memoirs don’t sell, but Shoemaker insists he hasn’t written a memoir but a novel with the main character by the name of Dan Calzolaio. Now maybe I’m Italian and know that Calzolaio is the Italian translation of Shoemaker, and though I have found one another reason why Dan Shoemaker is not telling the truth, not even to himself, but I also happen to know that Rick R. Reed has Italian origins (I believe from his mother side) and so maybe there is yet another reason why Caregiver, the real Caregiver, not the one written by Dan Shoemaker, but the one by Rick R. Reed, is more a memoir than a novel? Is this for me a reason to refuse that like the publisher refused it in the novel? Of course not! On the contrary, it makes it more real, more near to my heart, since I can feel in it the same pain I feel each time I think about those young men.

Maybe this is also the reason why, while the romance is nice, and sweet, it’s also ordinary, in a positive meaning of the word. The love between Dan and Sullivan (Sullivan is Adam’s surviving companion) is not immediate, even if the attraction was; Sullivan needed time to mourn and Dan to think about his life and what was important for him. They didn’t do the “hero/proud” thing of so many romances, leaving each other, suffering for years due the distance and then finding each other full of regrets for the lost years, but they did what is ordinary to do, talk openly about their reticence, giving each other time without cutting each other out, and then, when both of them were ready, starting a relationship with a lighter heart and a better predisposition. In this way, if someone is worried about Adam (yes, he is dead, but he entered in my heart as much as he entered in Dan’s one, and he was already in Sullivan’s), they have not to be: Adam was loved and missed, and he is remembered, dearly remembered even 20 years later.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1613722087/?...(less)

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Jan 13, 2012 Carey Parrish rated it 5 of 5 stars

Bestselling author Rick R. Reed returns with a new novel that takes us back in time to 1991, at the height of the AIDS epidemic, and this talented scribe has crafted another tale that is practically impossible to put down.

"Caregiver" is the story of Dan and Mark, a young couple with problems mostly brought about by Mark's cocaine addiction. They've recently relocated to Florida from Chicago, in an attempt to distance Mark from the temptations brought about by being too close to his drug buddies....more Bestselling author Rick R. Reed returns with a new novel that takes us back in time to 1991, at the height of the AIDS epidemic, and this talented scribe has crafted another tale that is practically impossible to put down.

"Caregiver" is the story of Dan and Mark, a young couple with problems mostly brought about by Mark's cocaine addiction. They've recently relocated to Florida from Chicago, in an attempt to distance Mark from the temptations brought about by being too close to his drug buddies. The issues Mark faces while trying to maintain his sobriety are only one in a myriad of difficulties that the couple grapples with while Dan looks for a job and the pair try to adjust to the change in dynamics of their lives.

In his spare time, Dan finds a new calling by volunteering as a "buddy" to AIDS patients at a local clinic. Adam is the young man to whom he's assigned and while struggling with his own problems at home Dan becomes attached to Adam, although in only a platonic sense. Dan also meets Adam's partner, Sullivan, who is not altogether comfortable with the appearance of Dan into his life but Adam's dependence on his new "buddy" is such that Sullivan doesn't interfere.

As Mark inevitably falls off the wagon and resumes his cocaine habit, Dan is left to deal not only with the feelings of betrayal and fear that he thought he'd left behind in Chicago, but also with Adam's seemingly self destructive behavior and a growing attraction to the aloof Sullivan that cannot be denied.

Rick R. Reed is a man who has proven his talent in more than one genre of literature. With :Caregiver" he shares his adeptness at involving his readers with characters in trouble as well as bringing in the human touch that sets his work apart from his peers. This is a book which will resonate with anyone who lived through the AIDS epidemic of the late eighties and early nineties, as everyone was touched in some way by the horrors of that era, but it is the eternal tenacity of the human spirit that Reed imparts in such a meaningful way with "Caregiver."
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Oct 30, 2011 Lena Grey rated it 5 of 5 stars

Unconditional love means loving someone just as they are, without expectations. It's an ideal concept, which many people don't understand. Unconditional love only works if it's reciprocated in kind and is the only state in which one can achieve fulfillment. In 'The Caregiver' by Rick Reed, as supportive and loving as Dan is with Mark, and as Sullivan is with Adam, neither are involved in a love relationship which is unconditional. Both men deserve such a relationship and this story is about thei...more Unconditional love means loving someone just as they are, without expectations. It's an ideal concept, which many people don't understand. Unconditional love only works if it's reciprocated in kind and is the only state in which one can achieve fulfillment. In 'The Caregiver' by Rick Reed, as supportive and loving as Dan is with Mark, and as Sullivan is with Adam, neither are involved in a love relationship which is unconditional. Both men deserve such a relationship and this story is about their struggle to secure one.

Dan is a great person who loves Mark and goes above and beyond trying to help him. Unfortunately, Mark is so self centered and irresponsible that he doesn't recognize Dan for the blessing he is and is therefore not capable of appreciating him. I have to admit being a little frustrated with Dan at first. I was wondering what such a nice guy was doing with one who obviously did not share his level of commitment and, even worse, made choices that endangered both of them. I was thrilled when he finally realized the damage staying together is causing both of them and finds the courage to ask him to leave. It's obvious that as long as they stayed together, neither would be happy—Dan because he was trying too hard and Mark because he wasn't trying at all. I found myself practically shouting at him, telling him he could do so much better! It's only after Mark leaves that Dan is able to reclaim his self respect. Sullivan is in a similar abusive relationship, being used and taken for granted by his lover, Adam. Sullivan tries his best to be there for him, to love him, to pick up after his messes, literally and figuratively, and to forgive him over and over again. A time comes when loving someone like this becomes an unbearable burden. At this point, the price for continuing such a relationship is simply too high to pay. When this happens, walking away is the only way out of the relationship which carries with it feelings of resentment and disillusionment.

Although it isn't apparent at first glance, there's a big difference between Mark and Adam. Mark is a selfish, immature, irresponsible person who blames his problems on everyone, his mother, life in general and everything such as his drug and alcohol problems, therefore avoiding being responsible for it himself. Until he's literally thrown out, Mark continues to destroy not only himself, but Dan in the process. Even after he's clean, he still doesn't get it. He's even selfish enough to want to rekindle a relationship with Dan, not being able to see that it never truly worked to begin with. Besides the fact that Adam is dying from AIDS, he approaches things differently. He's not willing to stop his destructive behavior, but he's perceptive enough to realize how much he's hurt Sullivan and, in his own way, tries to make amends. In the process, he brings Dan into his life and they form a quick but strong bond and also introduces him into Sullivan's life. By design, Adam sets into motion circumstances which put Dan and Sullivan on the path to finding the love they so richly deserve.

This is a poignant story covering some intense, real life issues. It's not an easy story to get through, but the passion with which Rick portrays the important, thought provoking messages it carries about love and life, make the journey more than worthwhile. I'd recommend this book to anyone who appreciates a deeper look at things and an opportunity to learn from them. Thank you, Rick, for inspiring me.

NOTE: This book was provided by Dreamspinner Press for the purpose of a review on Queer Magazine Online
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Nov 23, 2012 Kaje Harper rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: intense, m-m

One of the best things about this book is that, despite the mock protest in the prologue, it does read exactly like a memoir. The plot is complex, the characters imperfect, and the resolution is satisfying despite some bittersweet moments. That prologue put me off slightly (it's hard to hit the right tone when pretending to write from the outside about your own book) but stick with this story - as soon as the narrative actually began I was hooked.

This is an account of Dan, a young man who moved...more

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Apr 18, 2012 Chris Beatty rated it 5 of 5 stars

I loved this book. This is only my second book by author Reed, but both books have really resonated with me and I carry a bit of Orientation with me constantly. The same is true here. Caregiver has just enough detail to feel genuine and not so much as to bore. It moves at a genuine pace which adds to its readability and,... well, I miss the characters already!!

I only wish I could have crafted the words in emotionally charged moments as the characters in Caregiver did. I heard the voices too, and...more

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Mar 05, 2013 Hans Hirschi rated it 4 of 5 stars

I recently read the first of three books on the way Sweden handled the AIDS crisis back in 1991, written by Jonas Gardell, amazing author and comedian.

Reading Rick's book about a this topic brought me back to some of that, yet different. Rick avoided (for whatever reason) all of the horrors of being bereft the chance of a funeral (Sullivan) as parents claimed their dead sons. I still get furious at the very thought that so many long-time partners were robbed of that final chance to say good bye....more

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Oct 28, 2011 Michele Montgomery rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: for-review-bog, m-m

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. 5+ Kisses

Rick R Reed was born to be a story teller, of that I’m sure. This man pours himself into each and every story he tackles and he does it with such fervor that often times his readers are left inspired and in awe over his talent. Rick did it again with Caregiver . Only this book, this story is so much more than just a story. This is a semi-autobiographical account of his personal experience as an “AIDS buddy” and when I found this out, it made the story itself a lot more powerful. It mad...more 5+ Kisses

Rick R Reed was born to be a story teller, of that I’m sure. This man pours himself into each and every story he tackles and he does it with such fervor that often times his readers are left inspired and in awe over his talent. Rick did it again with Caregiver . Only this book, this story is so much more than just a story. This is a semi-autobiographical account of his personal experience as an “AIDS buddy” and when I found this out, it made the story itself a lot more powerful. It made the tears and the heartbreak, real. Not to say I don’t tear up for characters I read about, it’s to say the tears and the hurt is different knowing that they are shed and felt for someone who really is and was alive.

I write this review with tears in my eyes that are the result of being both happy and sad. I, throughout the story, had this ever present lump in my throat that threatened to burst with each passing page. Even as I type this now, thinking of the characters and their story, I can feel the burn behind my eyes. This is such a strong poignant story that is meant to move you, it moved me and I know it’ll move you too. I’m that sure of it.

The story begins with us seeing an email written to Dan Shoemaker from his agent, and she more or less told him there wasn’t a market for his new novel, which is titled, Caregiver . She said it was a memoir and the public wanted romance. What the public wants, they get. Now when you read this part of the story, you’ll see where he lives and get an idea of him and his partner and when I paused, I said to myself. My goodness, Dan sounds to me, like the author of the story. And Dan is the author of this story. Confused? Don’t be. When you read it, you’ll get it and understand and then you’ll smile through those tears.

Dan Shoemaker is a popular romance novelist, it’s earned him a wonderful living and when he decided to pen a different sort of romance story he was turned away and told to find a home for it on his own. As Dan Shoemaker said, “The story was solid. It made you laugh. It made you cry. It made you think. There was timeliness and social relevance to it.” All very true. He is right. From here he goes onto tell us of the story he has written.

The story is about Dan Calzolaio, it’s about his life, about the good and bad, the happy and sad, love and loss. Dan and Mark is a couple at the start of his story, they’re from Chicago and recently relocated to Florida for reason’s you’ll read about. Neither man has a job, but Dan is looking hard and in the meantime he signs up to be an AIDS Buddy and this is where we meet Adam.

Adam is an unforgettable character. He’s one that made his way into my heart and just thinking of him, brings fresh tears to my eyes, because I know that he is who Rick knew. He is, who so many others knew. Adam has a way of looking at things in life. He knows his time on earth is short but he spends no time in feeling sorry for himself. Instead, he finds a buddy and he more or less finds someone to take care of the love of his life. Sullivan. I sit here and remember where Adam was when he was taken, and can only shake my head at the injustice of it.

Dan was devoted to Adam in the short amount of time they had together, they were kindred spirits and I for one am glad I got to experience the light that was Adam. Dan’s relationship with his lover Mark is less than perfect. It’s way less. Mark is an addict and destroys what they have with lies and soon Dan and Mark go their separate ways.

Dan begins doing life on his own, for himself and through the loss of Adam, he and Sullivan become friends they have each other to keep Adam within them, to keep his spirit alive and to remember him. Sadly Adam’s family didn’t recognize Sullivan and thought nothing of his feelings to his lover, as many others. There was no clear closure for Sullivan. No one stops and thinks of a gay person’s partner. And that in itself is a crime and one that should not be repeated or committed ever. We all matter. People matter.

How many people with this damned disease are as alone as Adam was? How many of them were turned out or away from loved ones because of the disease? How many of them have one true friend they can talk to, they can confide in, unto their last breath. We know from the blurb he passes away, but the conditions, the place, it tore my heart out. It made me set the reader down so I could cry. But I went on and I, at the end, found those happy tears, and this story here is one of my top five best novels of the year.

Rick, thank you for opening your heart and for sharing your friend with us. He was very special.
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Oct 27, 2011 David rated it 5 of 5 stars

I finished CAREGIVER last night, the latest release by one of my favorite authors, Rick R. Reed. CAREGIVER is Mr. Reed’s semi-autobiographical account of his own, personal experience as an “AIDS buddy” (volunteer companion), and how this experience changed his life forever. The story depicts not only the protagonist’s experiences as he is getting to know and ultimately care about a very courageous and unique individual who happens to have AIDS, but it also chronicles this man’s experiences with...more I finished CAREGIVER last night, the latest release by one of my favorite authors, Rick R. Reed. CAREGIVER is Mr. Reed’s semi-autobiographical account of his own, personal experience as an “AIDS buddy” (volunteer companion), and how this experience changed his life forever. The story depicts not only the protagonist’s experiences as he is getting to know and ultimately care about a very courageous and unique individual who happens to have AIDS, but it also chronicles this man’s experiences with the other individuals that he encounters along the road on this journey. I don’t want to give away plot details because I don’t want to spoil anything for other readers, but this story touches on a number of emotionally-charged themes—loss, betrayal, regret, fear, guilt, change, healing, and forgiveness—but ultimately, CAREGIVER is nothing short of a love story. It is a love story on multiple levels, bittersweet yes, but ultimately triumphant.

I approached this book reluctantly, not because I didn’t think it would be well-written (well-written is a hallmark of all of Rick Reed’s work), but because I knew reading it would be a bit of a personal risk. Why? Because when the AIDS epidemic first hit the media in the mid-1980s, I was in my early 20s. Like everyone else at the time, I was scared. Because I didn’t know what else to do, I started volunteering as a buddy for a local AIDS organization in the Midwest. I continued buddying through the mid-1990s. Over nearly a decade, my buddy-client relationships were varied, ranging from warm and loving to bitter, hostile, and one even a little threatening. Like Mr. Reed’s protagonist, along this road I met a number of remarkable people who changed my life forever—for the better, I like to think, looking back on it all now. Over the course of that time I also attended a lot of funerals and memorial services, and made a lot of panels for the Names Project AIDS Memorial Quilt. I can say with all honesty that I remember every single one of those men when I allow myself to think about them, but like many Midwesterners, I have a real knack for compartmentalizing—just one memory at time, never letting the enormity of it all sink in. That has always been just too big of a bite to swallow. What CAREGIVER did for me was to hold a mirror up to my own life, it paralleled my own experiences so very closely that reading it brought me to my own personal catharsis—a catharsis that was long overdue. As I said, I’ve made an art of not examining the past too closely, but there are too many remarkable people we have lost who deserve to be remembered.

I recommend CAREGIVER enthusiastically to anyone who lived through those awful years when a positive HIV-diagnosis was a certain death sentence, to anyone who lost someone they cared about, to anyone who knows someone battling against HIV/AIDS currently, to anyone who wants to understand better the sometimes cavalier attitude of those of us who, miraculously, still live on, and to those who appreciate a compelling love story.
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Oct 25, 2011 Morgana rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: angst, heartbreaking, favourites, excellent

If you are looking for a light romance you will not find it in this book. What you will find here goes far beyond anything you could ever imagine. The pages of “Caregiver” contain a story of not two but four people, a story so touching and heartbreaking that it will move you to tears. And yet, this story is not what one would call a typical tearjerker. Yes, you will cry reading it, and yes, in the end you will be rewarded for all the anguish you have suffered. This book has a happy ending, a hap...more If you are looking for a light romance you will not find it in this book. What you will find here goes far beyond anything you could ever imagine. The pages of “Caregiver” contain a story of not two but four people, a story so touching and heartbreaking that it will move you to tears. And yet, this story is not what one would call a typical tearjerker. Yes, you will cry reading it, and yes, in the end you will be rewarded for all the anguish you have suffered. This book has a happy ending, a happy ending of sorts. Because, really, can one expect a true happily ever after when AIDS is involved?

As I have already said, “Caregiver” is not a story of two people only. And no, not everyone gets their happy ending, which only proves how close to real life this book is. You will love Dan and Sullivan. But you will love Adam, too. And in some way, you might even find it in yourself to sympathize with Mark. I certainly did.

As for Adam, his presence can be felt (view spoiler) on every page of the book. Did it bother me? Not at all, though normally it would. I’m not going to deny that I like it when a book focuses on two main characters only. But as I have already mentioned, this book goes far beyond what you could imagine. It will exceed all your expectations. And although it will crush you, it will give you hope, it will give you faith, too. You will believe that your presence on this earth truly does matter, that whatever you did in the past of which you are not proud, will not change how the ones you love feel about you. You will believe that even years after you are gone, a part of you will always be with people you loved and who loved you, in their memory and their hearts. And then, there’s a belief that everything happens for a reason, que sera, sera, (whatever will be, will be). And finally, there's a hope for a second chance. A hope for a light that will shine even in the darkest of hours. A hope for loving again and being loved in return. This book will also show you that love cannot exist without trust. They are intertwined, they are a foundation of a real relationship. This book will convince you that both a love for another person and grief after losing them can mend broken hearts, can help them heal.

I will say this again, “Caregiver” is not a typical love story, but it is a love story nonetheless. The merging of two lost souls who found each other when everything seemed lost.

I don’t think I need to tell you this, and yet I will. You will not be laughing while reading this book. Don’t count on that. But… from time to time a small smile, and yes, sometimes even a bitter one, will grace your lips. And don’t even think that after reading this book you will be the same ever again.

Mr. Reed’s book is one of those that touch something deep in your soul. It is a very thought-provoking book. One, that leaves you deep in thought long after you put it back on the shelf.

There’s no other way to say this, “Caregiver” is one of the most heartwrenching, most beautiful books I have ever read. I highly recommend this book. Five stars is simply not enough!

Mr. Reed, you have just got yourself a big fan! Thank you so much for writing "Caregiver". Your book will stay with me for a long time to come.(less)

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Mar 23, 2013 Kim rated it 5 of 5 stars

I enjoyed many things about this book, including the fluid and atmospheric language, the fact that it was bittersweet without becoming maudlin, and the interesting characters. I also liked the little bits now and then that subtly remind the reader that the story is set over 20 years ago. The way the main story was framed by prologue and epilogue also worked well. But I think my favorite thing about the book was that it felt real. The situations and emotions were complicated and messy, just like...more

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Aug 24, 2012 H.B. Pattskyn rated it 5 of 5 stars

I don't give a whole lot of five star reviews, because to me five stars is perfect, and how many books can truly be perfect?

So, okay, maybe Caregiver wasn't truly perfect, but since I can't give it 4.9 stars, I'll just go with 5. :)

I don't cry at movies. I don't cry over books. This one was an exception to that. There were so many moments when I was sitting in the coffee shop sniffling, and then I came home and kept reading and... well, long story short, I suggest having a box of tissues handy....more

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Apr 07, 2013 Yvonne rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: m-m

4.5 StarsMy impression of this book is that this felt very real and honest but the author held back just a little. This may be because parts of this story is based on the author's real life work as a volunteer Aids worker in Florida and Adam's experience mimics those of the friend he met there as a result. The other reason may be because he's also trying to create some kind of romantic story and not have it overwhelmed with sadness. But it cannot help but go through your mind that what happened...more

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Feb 12, 2013 Gabby-Lily Raines rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: ebooks, lily-s-reviews

Another great Rick R. Reed read and certainly one for which the tissues should be kept handy - for sad tears and for joyful ones as well.

This is a story that has everything: love, friendship, heartache, despair and strength. The strength comes to the different characters in different ways: the strength to say enough is enough when bad habits crop up again, the strength to stay when the one you love is dying, the strength to go on when a partner dies, the strength to finally kick a habit once and...more

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Nov 13, 2011 Cec rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: m-m, 5-star-reads, my-5-star-favs

This book is a MUST READ. It was beautifully written!

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Mar 05, 2013 Tina added it

Shelves: m-m

I almost feel guilty for not liking this book. In fact, because the reasons I didn't like it are totally based on personal preference I'm not going to rate it at all.

While not totally spoilerish I'm going to hide my comments behind the spoiler tag - just in case someone doesn't want to know.

(view spoiler)...more

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Nov 22, 2011 Chris rated it 4 of 5 stars

Description courtesy of Goodreads

It’s 1991, and Dan Calzolaio has just moved to Florida with his lover, Mark, having fled Chicago and Mark’s addictions to begin a new life on the Gulf Coast. Volunteering for the Tampa AIDS Alliance is just one part of that new beginning, and that’s how Dan meets his new buddy, Adam.

Adam Schmidt is not at all what Dan expected. The guy is an original—witty, wry, and sarcastic with a fondness for a smart black dress, Barbra Streisand, and a good mai tai. Adam doe...more Description courtesy of Goodreads

It’s 1991, and Dan Calzolaio has just moved to Florida with his lover, Mark, having fled Chicago and Mark’s addictions to begin a new life on the Gulf Coast. Volunteering for the Tampa AIDS Alliance is just one part of that new beginning, and that’s how Dan meets his new buddy, Adam.

Adam Schmidt is not at all what Dan expected. The guy is an original—witty, wry, and sarcastic with a fondness for a smart black dress, Barbra Streisand, and a good mai tai. Adam doesn’t let his imminent death get him down, even through a downward spiral that sees him thrown in jail.

Each step of Adam’s journey teaches Dan new lessons about strength and resilience, but it’s Adam’s lover, Sullivan, to whom Dan feels an almost irresistible pull. Dan knows the attraction isn’t right, even after he dumps his cheating, drug-abusing boyfriend. But then Adam passes away, and it leaves Sullivan and Dan both alone to see if they can turn their love for Adam into something whole and real for each other.

Ok, public service announcement before I write this review. I ordered this book from NetGalley because I lived in a community heavily populated with gay men in the 80’s and 90’s so this book could have been written by or about people I knew, worked with and lived with when I was in my teens and 20’s.

That said this book was beautiful, lyrical and incredibly personal. While I don’t know much about the author, it stands to reason that this book may be somewhat autobiographical. It deals with several difficult issues of the time with sensitivity and hope. It’s about subjects that could be incredibly dark and depressing but it manages to be full of light and life. The characters flew off the page and the story was so poignant I found myself tearing up and laughing out loud at different times.

It’s after reading books like this that I think about the public perception of the Romance genre. I defy anyone who thinks that romances don’t deal with difficult issues to read this book because it is a love story and it deals with promiscuity, drug abuse, and AIDS.

Mr. Reed has written a story that is still resonating with me days later, and that is the true test of a good book in my mind.

ARC courtesy of Dreamspinner Press via NetGalley
(less)

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Apr 10, 2012 Matthew Vandrew rated it 3 of 5 stars

Interesting, touching and asking important questions. I don't have experiences that would resonate with 90's U.S. and AIDS era, which is maybe why I didn't get carried away or feeling that much. Sure, you can feel the author knows what he is writing about, but it didn't quite reach me.
The book is surprisingly short and fast-paced. So fast I actually had hard time to believe Adam could have such an impact on Dan after just two meetings. Their feelings and their friendship ring true but it seems l...more

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Jun 08, 2012 Andrea rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: favorites-read-in-2012, favorites

Have you ever read a book that put your life on hold, one that wrapped you so totally in the story and the characters that you felt a part of it, one that you knew your life would be forever changed after reading? Caregiver was that book for me.

It's a love story in the general sense but I think a better way of saying it is that it’s a story of love. It’s a deep, dark, semi autobiographical look into the life of a gay man during the height of the AIDS epidemic. I was just an oblivious kid when t...more Have you ever read a book that put your life on hold, one that wrapped you so totally in the story and the characters that you felt a part of it, one that you knew your life would be forever changed after reading? Caregiver was that book for me.

It's a love story in the general sense but I think a better way of saying it is that it’s a story of love. It’s a deep, dark, semi autobiographical look into the life of a gay man during the height of the AIDS epidemic. I was just an oblivious kid when this was going on and Rick Reed was able to convey the fear and horror during that time in a way I never before comprehended. He told a painful and heartbreaking story but the emphasis on the love and support the characters had for each other was what really drew me in. The book is so well written and the characters so well developed that I forgot I was reading a book, the characters and their lives became real for me.

Caregiver is the story of Adam and Dan. Adam is HIV positive. He knows he doesn’t have much time left. Adam lives with his partner Sullivan. They have had a difficult relationship over the years with periods of separation but through it all they never questioned their love. They always knew they were meant to be together. Adam is scared and depressed. Sullivan adores Adam and wants to be there for him but has no idea how to help or what to do. Sullivan is living in his own hell. He’s dealing with the terror of contracting Adam’s disease and the knowledge that he can’t bring himself to give Adam the unconditional care and love he needs. This has created a lot of tension in their relationship. Adam is lonely and desperately in need of a friend so he contacts the Tampa AIDS Alliance to ask for a buddy.

Dan is Adam’s buddy. Dan has recently moved to Florida with his lover Mark. Mark is an addict. His lying and cheating have ravaged Dan’s self-confidence. Dan is just as lonely and in need of a friend as Adam. Dan and Adam meet and quickly form a bond. They are both starving for love and companionship and they fulfill that need for each other. Their friendship grows stronger as Adams death approaches. After Adam passes, Dan discovers the depth of love Adam truly had. One of Adam’s last acts was to bring Dan together with the love of his life. At that point, the book shifts to focus on their romance.

My heart absolutely broke for Adam. He was funny, quirky and had such a vibrant personality that I couldn’t help but love him. Adam became a real person who lived and died to me. He became a friend I loved and mourned. I am amazed at how deeply this book affected me. I’ve been known to tear up over a book or two but this is the first book I’ve ever had to put down because I was sobbing. It’s heartbreaking but also inspiring at the same time. I have to say a huge “Thank You” to Rick Reed for sharing this story and allowing me a glimpse into a time and place I never would have experienced otherwise. I loved it and will never forget it.(less)

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Jul 21, 2012 C.L. rated it 5 of 5 stars

Dear Dan,

I want to thank you so very much for sharing your amazing story. I have to say that you and the people I read about, the ones you love and care for, have touched me deeply. I have never before read a story such as yours and it has left an impression on my heart. Reading about your life made me laugh and smile, made me sad, made me cry, made me mad and made me rejoice, but most important of all it reminded me to never take love for granted and to never, ever forget those who have entered...more

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Mar 05, 2012 Paul rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: m-m

I have just finished Caregiver.

I have to say that it was skilfully written and a real page turner.

It was also a challenging read for me (not in a bad way) let me explain. Most of the M/M romance that I have read has been easy. Boy meets Boy, Will they Won't they and none of the difficulties that they face have ever come across as insurmountable, And here you have caregiver set against drug use and the advent of the Aids Crisis, and Adams illness, incarceration and death in a prison hospital.

I l...more

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Romance Readers R...: September M/M Buddy Read : Caregiver	41	170	Oct 02, 2012 05:30pm
Rick Reed	3	14	Nov 13, 2011 06:21am

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