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The Princess & the Penis

3.61  ·  Rating Details ·  1,660 Ratings  ·  532 Reviews
A beautiful, chaste, and completely naive princess encounters a strange lump in her mattress. The lump soon morphs into a shape familiar to everyone but her, triggering her curiosity and her father's greatest fears. He frantically tries to intervene, but having a large phantom phallus in a curious maiden's bed is never a good combination.
Kindle Edition, 33 pages
Published September 21st 2011 (first published December 6th 2010)
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Lola  Reviewer

I was about to say, ‘‘What a cute story!’’ but then I thought about it and it would be like saying that a girl discovering her sexuality is adorable. However, it is strangely charming and it reads like a true fairy tale. It’s an intelligent retelling, but I’m not going to tell you what original fairy tale this is based on, because you’ll ‘‘get it’’ and then the ending will do nothing to you.

To rapidly summarize the story, it’s about Princess Amelia who, all her life, has been kept far away from
Carol [Goodreads Addict]
Apr 03, 2016 Carol [Goodreads Addict] rated it it was amazing
Shelves: quirky-funny, erotica
The Princess & the Penis is by R.J. Silver. This is my first book by Mr. Silver. I was hearing all kinds of chatter regarding this one and couldn’t resist investigating on my own. I’m so glad I did. This is a cute, silly, sexy little adult fairy tale and I loved it!

Amalia is a kind and loving princess who lives in the Kingdom of Westwich. She loves to spend her time helping others, working in soup kitchens, visiting the sick, doing anything she can to aid those in need. Her father, King Norw
Penny Watson
Feb 09, 2016 Penny Watson rated it it was amazing
Shelves: fearless-fiction
The Princess and The Penis by RJ Silver

After reading about 14,952 romance novels, a few things become clear. No matter what the story is about--a duke, a werewolf, a football player, a Carpathian vampire, a steampunky swashbuckler, a baker, a lawyer, a candlestick maker, or even an Orca shapeshifter--the real star of the show is actually...the penis. Yes, this is in fact true. It gets tons of attention, pages and pages of highly detailed description, and often saves the day.

If you have one male
SueBee★bring me an alpha!★
Apr 06, 2015 SueBee★bring me an alpha!★ marked it as to-read
Recommended to SueBee★bring me an alpha!★ by: Dirty Dayna
 photo FreeHotPixbysb_zps02f167cd.gif

FREE on Amazon US today (3/18/2015)

A beautiful, chaste, and completely naive princess encounters a strange lump in her mattress. The lump soon morphs into a shape familiar to everyone but her, triggering her curiosity and her father's greatest fears. He frantically tries to intervene, but having a large phantom phallus in a curious maiden's bed is never a good combination.

FREEBIES are often good for MORE than one day, I have gathered all my FREEBIES
Liz* Fashionably Late
Guys, I'm giving a book named "The Princess & the Penis" four stars...

The Princess & the Penis...

The Princess & the Penis...


Oh my god...

An educational fairytale about a Princess and a Phantom Phallus

The Princess has lived in ignorance her whole life saving her body and soul for the chosen one, a handsome and conveniently rich Prince who'll save the poor Kingdom. One day, the princess starts complaining about something visiting her every night and both the King and Quee
Carla ☺Did I Say That☺
4.5 ***Hilarious** Stars!!!***
OMG...I haven't laughed that hard in a long time....this was 33 pages of pure Awesomeness!!!..Highly recommend it...
Fucking awesome photo tumblr_lwfhlifkR51qjp4gi.gif

***Free on Smashwords and Amazon***
For a Kindle Freebie, this was cute.

Things to know before you read it:
See, I thought with the title and all, this would be like a funny little erotica.
No sex. Just a fairytale about a disembodied penis.
And that's not a bad thing! I never go into these weird little stories thinking that I'm going to get to read something hot.
Food for thought, nothing more.

I see lots of OhMyGodIPeedMyPants reviews, but to me?
I thought it was good silly fun, b
Karly *The Vampire Ninja, Luminescent Monster & Wendigo Nerd Goddess of Canada (according to The Hulk)*
Nov 06, 2014 Karly *The Vampire Ninja, Luminescent Monster & Wendigo Nerd Goddess of Canada (according to The Hulk)* rated it it was amazing
Recommended to Karly *The Vampire Ninja, Luminescent Monster & Wendigo Nerd Goddess of Canada (according to The Hulk)* by: JaHy☝Hold the Fairy Dust

A mock fairytale.... with a freestanding penis? Don't mind if I do!

Buddy-read with the delightful Kat coming to a theatre near you in November 2014!

5 I-am-dying-laughing Stars

Penis. Penis. PENIS. Penis. PENIS!!

Did I just five star a fairytale novelization of "the Penis game"? Yes, yes I did!! This is an amazing pick me up story....

If you are feeling a little down: Read This Story!

If you like laughing your ass off: Read This Story!

If you have the mental maturity of a teenage boy: Read This Story

4 Silly Stars!! Fun wicked spin on the princess and her ‘prince charming’…I’ll take one please!

Take this story for what it’s worth and you’ll enjoy it! A really cute ‘Once Upon a Time’! Lots of suggestive witty dialogue, some craziness, a good bit of laugh out loud fun, that will make 30 minutes or so of your day, quite entertaining!

Amalia’s mother and her crazy aunts had some of the best moments, they could foresee the future!

“That’s why we’re telling you this,” said the queen. “Despite what
JaHy☝Hold the Fairy Dust
*** 4.5 Hysterical Stars ***'

... It's been a while since a book made me laugh out loud. You have nothing to lose (but a little bit of time). Try it ....please !! Or don't. It's your call.

Free on smashword:

Amazon Freebie Link:
Mar 26, 2016 Vicki rated it it was amazing
Shelves: humor, ebook
A perfect adult fairytale

Princess Amalia was the purest princess ever. She had been protected from anything having to do with men. That was before she found a lump in her royal bed.

The aunts in this story are so funny. This is a really cute story.
There are a lot of little truths in here. Quite a fun read.
5 I Peed a little In My Pants Stars!
( It was THAT funny)

Clearly, this book is about a princess and this one..
 photo Otter_131ed0_687578_zpsqm2qudpm.gif
..but, it was so much MORE!
I mean, I haven't laughed this much in books that contain far more than 200pages, but this one managed to make me laugh my ass off in only 40 pages lenght! I couldn't breath! If I'm not laughing then I'm grinning like an idiot.

I've been DYING out of boredom this morning after finshing A BOOK, but this one came to my rescue!
 photo tumblr-mi61wdaami1s4byfto1-500_zpspinezr99.gif

People..Just read it! I bet
Mar 24, 2015 warhawke rated it it was amazing
Type: Short Story
POV: Third Person
Rating: 5 gleaming Golden Cocks!
Absolute Penis by Giovanni Absolute Penis by Giovanni Absolute Penis by Giovanni Absolute Penis by Giovanni Absolute Penis by Giovanni

Princess Amalia was the kind hearted daughter of King Norwood and Queen Isabella of the small Kingdom of Westwich. She was sheltered by her father since young age from the temptation of the opposite sex by depriving her of anything related to man. She was also betrothed to Prince Rupert of the prosperous Kingdom of Arginy

One day she found s a lump on her bed that had been disturbing her slumber.

“Well, it was long and har
Jul 27, 2013 Jen rated it really liked it
”It all started with a lump in my rump.”

If you’re thinking this is a naughty retelling of the famous fairytale The Princess and the Pea, you’d be absolutely correct. Princess Amalia is beautiful, kind and has been kept completely in the dark with regards to anything having to do with sex. That means this story’s all kinds of fun to read!

Last night, I felt it to see what it might be, and it began to grow. In fact, the more I felt it, the more it grew, until it assumed a most peculiar shape.”
Jul 27, 2016 Sheziss rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Cheeky people with a dirty mind
Recommended to Sheziss by: Marcie
A hilarious tongue-in-cheek version of The Princess and the Pea.

Not appropriate for kids.

Princess Amalia cannot sleep. There is a lump in his bed and she wakes up with a pain in her rump.

And it has a peculiar form...

“You said it was big,” said Aunt Leila. “Exactly how big?”

“Well,” answered the princess, “I could easily place both hands on it, one above the other, with plenty of room above and below.”

“Oh dear,” said Aunt Ingrid. “How thick was it?”

“Hmmm, let’s see. I think my fingers could reac
Oct 28, 2014 Alvin rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone who wants to laugh
Recommended to Alvin by: Britta ★ Nachteule ★
Shelves: light, lol

This got me snickering!!!

This story is a naughty twist to your childhood fairy tale.
But all of the fairy tale elements are there: a princess, strict kings, princes, naughty aunts, curses, wizards, etc...

Reading this was so much fun!
It was PUNny, ridiculous, and hilarious !
Great to read when you want to kill time.


Donita Luz
Apr 08, 2016 Donita Luz rated it really liked it
Recommended to Donita by: Carol [Goodreads Addict]
The first time I saw this book on my feed, I seriously thought I misread the title...

The Princess and the Penis..

The Penis


I mean, the cover looks like an innocent Fairytale read for children, so the Penis on the title was quite contradicting and hilarious. So was this book.

This is a silly, brilliant and funny retelling more like a parody if you ask me of a Fairytale I'm sure you'll get right away what in the first part of the book. The writing was surprisingly delightful and can be read as a r
Robin (Bridge Four)
Nov 07, 2014 Robin (Bridge Four) rated it really liked it
Recommended to Robin by: Kat Stark
Shelves: 4-5-stars, sexy
This was exactly the right amount of sexual innuendo and silliness to put a stupid smile on my face and make me feel better about my day.

It is one great BIG penis joke.

Amalia has been kept ignorant and innocent of anything sexual her entire life. She tells her family that there is a lump in her bed that is making it difficult to sleep. The king is sure that this is nothing to worry about until she describes it and what happens when she petted the lump. Hilarity ensues while everyone tries to ke
Mar 24, 2015 Rag rated it really liked it
“Well, it was long and hard like this, except much thicker. And it was bigger at the top, like a mushroom. And here, at the bottom, it had two large apples, one on either side.”

Lol! What a funny book. I really enjoyed it. It was short and fun.
Sep 01, 2016 Navessa rated it really liked it
Recommended to Navessa by: Becki
Feb 09, 2011 Katie(babs) rated it really liked it
A few days ago while I was on Goodreads, I noticed an interesting book being read. My first thought was this book would be great to post for my WTFckery Sunday post. The book in question is titled, The Princess and The Penis, an apparent take off of the fairy tale, The Princess and the Pea.

I’ll admit, anything in a title with the word, penis makes me resort back to a mentality of a teenage. But then I read some of the reviews posted, and all of them were very positive. And then when I found out
Sh3lly ✨ Bring on the Weird ✨
This was a fun little read - a redo of the classic "Princess and the Pea" story, but with lots of hilarious penis jokes and puns. I loved the two older aunts - they were hilarious.

Prince Longwood.

Tink Magoo is bad at reviews

I'm pretty sure this is the best fairytale EVER. Who doesn't like a story that makes you laugh, has a massive penis and a happy ending

"Basically, Amalia, once a man's penis is hard, he might try to stick it in you anywhere he can."

"You women never cease to amaze me. this penis but not that one. Put it here but not there. Why do you have to be so picky?"

Mar 05, 2011 Dina rated it really liked it
Recommended to Dina by: Penny Watson
Shelves: fiction, novella, ebook
Yes, I've read it - and it was as hilarious as I'd expected.

Favorite line: "There was a lump under my rump all night long."
Jan 24, 2016 Alp rated it it was amazing
Shelves: novella, fiction, humor

I accidentally found this novella and then read it without any expectations. It turned out to be a very amusing story. This one was funny as hell! It has been a while since a book could make me laugh out loud, not just chuckle.

I liked the author's humor and his endearing writing. If you're looking for something short, light, and happy to read, this novella is definitely one of the top choices.
Jul 23, 2016 Daniella rated it liked it
It was free on Amazon, so I thought I'd give it a try. Haha. Gave me a couple of laughs. The aunts were funny AF.
Mar 27, 2015 Judith rated it it was amazing

I read a friend's review of this ,that was so funny I HAD to read it...

An adult take on a fairy sex though,just loads and loads of brilliant innuendos....and my God the two Aunts are epic,just so funny!!!.So in this tale the 'pea' becomes the 'penis'

"I don't think so,"said Amalia,"because it grew when I touched it.In fact,the more I touched it,the bigger and harder it got"
"They tend to do that"said Aunt Ingrid.

"Seeing as it's only a penis,"said Aunt Ingrid
Ronda  Tutt
May 19, 2013 Ronda Tutt rated it it was amazing
Shelves: fantacy, erotic, romance
Absolutley Fantastic!

What a cute dream come true fantasy fairy tale. Only in dreamy fairy tales can Prince Longwood really exist but wouldn't it be so kewl if we could find a long lump in the bed with a mushroom head come to life from a simple kiss when we wished. I can't stop smiling and laughing at the thought of this cute story. It didn't even take me an hour to read it, very fast paced 92 page read, I just couldn't turn the pages fast enough.

Dec 23, 2014 Cathryn rated it really liked it
This should be interesting. BR with Erica, Liz, and Tanya.

This was a very cute, cheeky read in an adult sort of way. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

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My name is RJ. I'm a man who writes quirky romantic humor books.

Most people ask me why I write. The answer is simple. Like most men, I get in a lot of trouble with the woman in my life. When she's really angry at me, and I'm hiding from her, writing is the one thing I can do that doesn't make any noise.
More about R.J. Silver...

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