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Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

by John Gray

3.25 · rating details · 17,495 ratings · 1,308 reviews

Once upon a time Martians and Venusians met, fell in love, and had happy relationships together because they respected and accepted their differences. Then they came to Earth and amnesia set in: they forgot they were from different planets.

Based on years of successful counseling of couples and individuals, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus has helped millions of coup

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Paperback, 368 pages

Published January 1st 2004 by Harper Paperbacks (first published December 31st 1975)

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Oct 31, 2007

C. Benjamin Haag rated it

Recommends it for: Virgins

Shelves: wish-i-could-hit-author-with-it

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and John Gray is from far, far further out in the solar system...

My broad-stroke perspective on this book is that I am inherently skeptical when someone purports to reduce human behavior to simplistic, read-about-it-on-the-subway categories, gender-specific behavior in particular. Resorting to simple explanations for that which is scary -- and I think it's safe to say that romantic partnerships can be scary, because vulnerability is involved,...more

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Feb 02, 2009

Shams Eddeen شمس الدين . rated it

· review of another edition

Shelves: علاقات-انسانية

من افضل الكتب في مجالة لمعرفة الاختلافات بين الجنسين و تجنب الكثير من المشاكل التي تقابلنا في التعامل ... كتاب مبني علي خبرات حياتية حقيقية و ليست مجرد كلام انشاء , كما انه غير متحيز لجنس علي حساب الخر و لكن ينصح بقبول الاخر كما هو و ليس كأنه عيب لابد من اصلاحه

كتاب قيم للغاية انصح لجميع بقراءتة بعمق

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Dec 25, 2007

Amrita rated it

· review of another edition

Recommends it for: dumb asses who want to be MISLED!

UTTER ROT!!!
The book shows men as creatures with very fragile egos and women as over sensitive.
Men & women communicate differently, maybe, but some of the "theories" are really wrong.

Like women talk problems for your empathy or sympathy, for the sake of talking it out and that they are not looking for a solution. Then, talking wouldn't make sense would it?

Like men hate being told how to fix the fuacet, or how to find the way...

This book h...more

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Aug 16, 2011

Fatma Abd El Salam rated it

· review of another edition

بدايةً انا لا اهوى كثيراً كتب التنمية البشرية ولا اعتقد في مقدرتها ع تغيير سلوك الانسان بالرغم من انه من المكتسبات ومن الطبيعي و السهل ان يتغير ولكني لا اعتقد في قدرة كتاب ع ذلك بل تحتاج الى ممارسة جادة ولفترات زمنية ليست بقصيرة . .

وهذا كان الانطباع الاول عندما شرعت في قراءة ذلك الكتاب ولكني لاحظت معه اشياء اجهلها في طبيعة ترجمة الرجل لعبارات المرأة واسلوب الطلب او الاستياء مما يدفع لمزيد من التشنج في المعاملة و الفهم الخاطئ . .

نوع من الكتب الخفيفة الممتعة وان كان مازال ي...more

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Jun 27, 2007

Ivy's Mom rated it

· review of another edition

Recommends it for: men and women

Shelves: non-fiction

When I was in college a priest came to our all girls dorm to talk about guys. Not sure why it was a priest but oh well. Anyway in a nutshell he told us that women thought about the world in a subjective manner and men thouhgt about the world in an objective manner. He said if you ask a man what he's thinking and he says, "nothing" he really is thinking about nothing, which is incomprehensible to women who are thinking about everything. At 20 years old this was mind-blowing stuff. ...more

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Jul 09, 2008

sanaz rated it

Shelves: etc

I just read about 10- 20 frist pages. then I couldn't continue it. I mean how cheap!!! I can not understand this way of writing! but mybe something is wrong with me. lots of my friends read it and suggest me too do so... Sorry

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Jun 03, 2010

Laura rated it

Shelves: got-half-way-through-and-put-down, relationships

There are some books that you hear about and you hear about and you hear about, and eventually you think, "Hmmm, maybe I ought to read that. It's had a huge cultural impact on our society, it might be a good idea to be in on that."

Kind of like seeing Stars Wars, E.T. and the Godfather Trilogy (I still haven't seen E.T. or the Godfather Trilogy, but I hear they're both great). It's just a big cultural thing, you know?

With books, there are a few that everyone ne...more

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Oct 29, 2008

Rachel rated it

My biggest problem with the book is that it is extremely sexist. The book continually explains that this is just how men are, and then goes on to explain how women can learn to deal with that. Biggest load of crap ever. While some people will certainly fall into these stereotypes, I believe this book may cause more harm than good.

Some of the sexist highlights:
-a woman should go shopping when her man decides that he needs alone time (this is how she can show him her love ...moreMy biggest problem with the book is that it is extremely sexist. The book continually explains that this is just how men are, and then goes on to explain how women can learn to deal with that. Biggest load of crap ever. While some people will certainly fall into these stereotypes, I believe this book may cause more harm than good.

Some of the sexist highlights:
-a woman should go shopping when her man decides that he needs alone time (this is how she can show him her love and trust) {apparently women were able to spend more time shopping when they lived on Venus, because the planet was “covered in shopping malls.”)
-a man can leave anytime he wants – in fact, he cannot even control when it is that he may need to leave
-a woman is unfairly punishing a man if he leaves even when she really needs him and she then acts upset or hurt in the slightest upon his return

Gray thinks that only women are needy, and that only men need to be alone. Not so. Apparently, Gray thinks that women only ever want to be with their men, and nothing more. Well, that is simply not true for most independent, capable, and informed women.

But that is beside the point. Let’s assume that it is true. What bothers me even more is that Gray identifies the different needs of men and women (men need space; women need someone to listen to them/emotional attachment), but he then goes on to explain that when both men and women are experiencing their needs at the same time, the woman simply must concede to the man’s needs. Gray explains that *whenever* men need to be alone, that is just the way it is. There are no compromises. In his book, a woman, Cathy, asks the question: “If he gets to be in his cave then what about me? I give him space, but what do I get?” And here is the answer: “What Cathy gets is the best her partner can give at the time. By not demanding that he listen to her when she wants to talk, she can avoid making the problem much worse by having a huge argument. Second, she gets his support when he comes back – when he is truly capable of supporting here.” That is simply ridiculous. What a woman gets is *whatever* her partner can give at the time. A woman just must let the man have what it is he needs, regardless of her needs at the time. I’m sorry, but being in a relationship requires selflessness, and that means that both men and women have to give more than what our selfish natures think we can handle.

While I’ll admit that some of Gray’s advice is helpful (insofar as the individuals in a given relationship fall into Gray’s stereotypes), they simply are just not that profound. Essentially, “if you listen to women and try not to take them for granted, your relationship will be better.” Well, no kidding.

The book just seemed full of perplexing thoughts. For example: “Men rarely say ‘I’m sorry’ because on Mars it means you have done something wrong and you are apologizing.” Well, even on earth, I was under the impression that when you are apologizing, you say sorry. I don’t know why the definition of sorry would somehow explain why men would be less able than women to say it.

In the chapter about how to score points with the opposite sex, there is a list of 101 things a man can do such as bringing her flowers, listening to her, complimenting her, calling her, etc. Most of them are good, even if obvious suggestions; nonetheless, Gray’s view of women as subordinate still creeps in. My favorite thing a man can do to score points with a woman is #67: “read out loud or cut out sections of the newspaper that would interest her.” Good idea. Because I can’t read, and even if I could, women don’t read newspapers. Come on! Even more upsetting is that the corresponding list of 26 things that a woman can do to “score big with men” involves NOT doing things. For example, he makes mistakes, and she doesn’t say anything; “he disappoints her, and she does not punish him.” There are only a few things that a woman can affirmatively do to score points, one of which is “she really enjoys having sex with him.” Again, women are largely the passive actors.

I’ve wasted far too much energy and time already on this book. It is now dead to me.
(less)

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Jul 08, 2008

Jennifer rated it

I decided to read this book because I'm a Dave Ramsey fan and it was one of the books on his recommended reading. I've been married for 10 years, but I figured it couldn't hurt to learn to communicate a little better. I'm not sure this book helped any. It's written with the assumption that all men are alike and all women are alike and that most of them have a "traditional" marriage or relationship. There is something sexist in the author's tone. He paints the women as the homemake...more

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Jan 31, 2008

Amy Kelley rated it

I'm having a hard time getting through this book. My sister recommended it to Matt and I to read before we the wedding. I would say we can both agree that while a lot of the advice is good, the descriptions of the differences between men and women is pretty off. I guess Matt's much more feminine than most men, and I am more masculine than most women. There's a lot of times in the book where the opposite would apply to each of us. I guess if you are your partner are very Type-A, this would b...more

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Sep 29, 2007

Maya rated it

This book was so boring...I can't believe I wasted 3 days reading it. Perhaps because my relationship wasn't very similar to most the examples in the book or because Gray stereotypes men & women so much, I found myself unable to relate to what he was writing. There were a few good parts that I take with me: remembering that all relationships go through seasons of love, continuing to appreciate and communicate with my partner, and remembering that people handle situations differently.

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Jan 02, 2009

Miyo rated it

what a load of crap. my friend gave me this book after trying to salvage his marriage, told me it was really insightful. He got a divorce within a year.

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Jan 07, 2009

Eddie Black rated it

This is not psychology. This is not even close to be science. I had to read this horrible book in the past (my partner liked it) and I kept thinking to myself that a lot of the stuff in the book was just too convenient, too stereotypical, to easy. Doing a little research found that the school that gave th author his Ph.D. was done away with and that several states (California, Oregon...) will not recognize the titles that the "school" gave out.

I don't like bashing peop...more

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Jun 12, 2008

Jillian rated it

Shelves: in-2008

This book saved me from killing my boyfriend. :)

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Oct 08, 2010

Noha AL-Qurashi rated it

· review of another edition

نحتاجه

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Aug 09, 2008

Andi Abes rated it

· review of another edition

I should disclose that I'm reading this book when a relationship is ending... it might affect my perspective.

The guy is sexist... no doubt. A woman's role is to be respectful and deferential to her man. Yeah. sure.
Men just need to be appreciated and trusted. Ok. Whatever.

And he definitely enjoys repetition. Especially of the points above.

But wait... there's a but.
If you read this book expecting the above, then you can take away the real message. It...more

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Sep 10, 2008

Katie rated it

This book was insulting and biased. Written from an unapologetically male perspective, it attempts to lump men and women into desired roles. The man can leave anytime he wants, and the woman, to show her love and trust (read: naivety), should go shopping. Yes, that's what his argument boils down to. I am all for acceptance, but when there are real issues that need to be dealt with, they are not fixed by saying, "Oh, that's just what men do." The "wave" section was particular...more

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Feb 26, 2010

Sapphire rated it

Shelves: life

This book was first published in 1975 and still is in print plus it's still sold out like anything.

This book is good for those people who are psychologically confused human progeny.
If you are a guy and confused about how does girls mind work then read a few pages of the book.
If you are a girl and think boys as a confused and confusing organism then my advice to you is as same as I gave for the boys. Read few pages of this book.
But I must say if you are living in ye...more

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Oct 15, 2011

Amir Bayoumi added it

Liked this:
"It is a mistake to expect a man to always be in touch with his loving feelings just as it is a mistake to expect a woman's feelings to always be rational and logical."

This is just very true...

Liked this also:
"Not to be needed is a slow death for a man."

He's really talking about me here!!!

I was not encouraged to complete this book!!! maybe later...

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Jan 10, 2009

Melissa rated it

Alright. So I didn't post this book when I first signed up on this website, maybe because I was embarrassed and I didn't want everybody to know I had read it. OR maybe I was trying to keep all of its insightful secrets to myself. This is hands down one of the most amazing books I've ever read about relating to the opposite sex. Shocking, I know. But truly. Girls in relationships, are you frustrated?? Do you feel misunderstood? Do you wish your guys did this this and this and you wish he ...more

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Mar 27, 2009

Melinda rated it

Shelves: motivated-me

wow...!!!!
highly recommended book for those who really never got any single clues about their partner (man or woman)..
while reading it, I found (most) answers that I thought that I would never understand..
hope this book really can help me with my social and love life..(hahaha)

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Dec 29, 2008

Megan rated it

Recommends it for: everyone in a relationship, whether you have problems or not!

Recommended to Megan by: my mother (who has been happily married for 40 years)!

This book is phenomenal. If I had a nickle for every fight/argument this book got me out of, I'd be a millionaire. There are so many wonderful tips on how to deal with the opposite sex, and gives us insight into why each of us are the way we are. It can get a littly hoaky at times, but, it helps explain things in very simple terms. I have read this book at least 3 times, and plan on keeping it in my library for the future (as I'm sure I'll read it again for a refresher course)! Please read this!...more

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Sep 26, 2011

Salem rated it

· review of another edition

لو كان الأمر بيدي ... لما سمحت أن يتم عقد قران أي شاب و شابة

إلا بعد أن يحضر دورة في هذا الكتاب ... و يتم إختبارة بها

حقا ... الرجال من المريخ ... و النساء من الزهرة

كتاب جدا جدا مفيد لفهم الجنس الآخر

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Sep 25, 2007

Mahdi rated it

· review of another edition

این کتاب علت بسیاری از اختلافات و مشکلات خانواده ها را بیان می کند.
هنوز تجربه عملیب ندارم ببینم که می تواند مشکلات را حل کند و یا فقط حرف زده. ولی ریشه بسیاری از مشکلات را در اطرافم در این کتاب پیدا کردم.
ان شاء الله وقتی موقعیت تجربه اش شد, می گویم که امکان عمل کردن به راه کارهایش هم هست یا نه
:D

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Sep 21, 2011

Anaszaidan rated it

· review of another edition

الكتاب جيد بالجملة.قد أعيب على مؤلفه عدم استعراضه لكثير من المشاكل التي قد تواجه الزوجين.
يرتكز الكتاب على فكرتين أساسيتين: ١- احترام الزوجين لبعضهما وتبيان بعض السلوكيات التي قد يساء فهمها
٢- اختيار العبارات المناسبة في اللحظات الحزينة أو الصعبة.
وكلا الفكرتين مما يحتاج إليه القارئ.

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Oct 28, 2011

Reham Ahmed rated it

· review of another edition

كنت قد وصلت الى حالة الملل والكلل من الصراع الدائر والمستمر دوما بين الرجل والمرأة........كنت قد مللت حكايا الخيانةوالعذاب والفراق والجراح......كنت قد مللت تلك الشجارات المصتنعة بين طرفى الحياة فى الدنيا......حتى ان هذا الصراع بدأيظهر جليا واضحا فى كتاباتى..وشعرت حينها انى بحاجة الى هدنة..فلجأت الى هذا الكتاب.....ووجدتنى اشعر براحة وانا اتفهم شيئا فشيئا بل واؤمن ان ما للمرأة من حياة بدون رجل.....ولا للرجل حياة بدون مرأة...تلك كانت شعارات واهية يتباهى كل منهم بها ويستعرض لقواه ان به الحياة دووون ...more

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Sep 15, 2011

Josie rated it

I have read the mars venus book "men women and relationships" and absolutely loved it! So I thought the first of it's kind would be even better.

I was wrong...

First of all the way he repeats the same "facts" over and over makes you feel like your in school and the book is a series of flash cards you have to memorize. I could not finish this book as it got boring. It was so simplistic that when something comes up like "men are like rubber bands"...more

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Sep 13, 2011

Ahmed Daabel rated it

Before writing this review, I spent some time looking over many of the other reviews on here. The spread is interesting, and I think it comes from a misunderstanding of the very limited scope of this book.

First off, if you're looking for a book to explain the innate differences (if there are any?) between men and women, this is definitely not it. Further, if you're looking for a book that dives deep into communication theory and has profound statements regarding the nature of good c...moreBefore writing this review, I spent some time looking over many of the other reviews on here. The spread is interesting, and I think it comes from a misunderstanding of the very limited scope of this book.

First off, if you're looking for a book to explain the innate differences (if there are any?) between men and women, this is definitely not it. Further, if you're looking for a book that dives deep into communication theory and has profound statements regarding the nature of good communication, this is equally lacking. The title betrays the purpose. This book is a badly written collection of common sense ideas and tactics to use when communicating in a relationship.

Why 4 stars? Because common sense is not as common as people think. I am amazed at the 1-star ratings by "intellectuals" who charge that this book stands on very shaky philosophic ground, and that it does not live up to the high caliber of true scientific studies into communication fundamentals and/or gender differences. Get a grip! That's not the purpose of the book!

This book is equivalent to an "Idiot's Guide to Listening, Respect, and Communication, with Easy-to-Remember Examples." Intellectuals charging that the common person should read XYZ's scientific study about the fundamentals is missing the basic point -- I don't want to know the fundamentals of communication (at the moment), I just want to know why my last girlfriend got offended when I offered solutions when she was complaining about work. Sounds simple? Not for all of us.

I have a degree in rocket engineering and I am very confident that I could tear a book about "Physics for the common person" to ribbons for making vast over-generalizations and ignoring (what I consider to be) key details in the trade. I could easily humble half the readers of this review if we were talking about rocket dynamics. But would I criticize a beginner's physics book if it generates interest in my favorite subject? Of course not! You can't mock a beginner's book for not addressing the advanced issues.

Further, it is hard to argue with the couples who say their marriage has been saved by this book. All idealism and charges of misogynistic text aside - if it works, it works. Period.

I find it kind of humorous that those most offended by the generalizations made in this book are the ones most quickly to generalize. You must remember: Not all stereotypes are false, or even bad. When I go to China and sit down at a restaurant, I'm going to ask for chopsticks, and not forks. Why? Because I stereotype all people in China as eating with chopsticks. Is this bad, or just efficient?

Many men and women fall into the stereotypes as described in this book. Whether or not you agree with those stereotypes as being "right" or "acceptable" is really irrelevant to the point. Further, the stereotypes are just a method of conveying the information. Gray is just trying to document the two different most common reactions to stress, and labels them "male" and "female" according to stereotype. He might as well have labeled them "North" and "South" for all I care -- the point is not the male/female generalizations, the point is understanding BOTH ways of dealing with stress (talking about it or receding into thought) and how to correctly handle it when you or your partner starts doing either.

Last, but certainly not least, let's get off the charges of women-hating. The book is almost literally a mirror within itself, as every paragraph generalizing women has its counterpart generalizing men. While you can charge that he mislabels both equally, those who look at this evenly stacked book and somehow derive a women-bashing lean are simply playing up their own insecurities, opinions, and political stances regarding the genders. The book is an almost word-for-word split between the two (if you don't believe me, go back and look!). If you can only see the women-bashing side of things, while nonchalantly accepting all the male generalizations, then you are reading through your own mental filter, and should take a moment to consider that.

I recommend this book to those of you who may not have the common sense that the elitist intellectuals profess, nor the ludicrous sensitivity to one side of an equally balanced portrayal of (admittedly overgeneralized) gender roles(less)

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Jul 29, 2011

Etna rated it

увы, ничего принципиально нового для себя не узнала. в книге приведены обобщающие рекомендации и примеры того, как надо и не надо вести себя с партнером. создаётся впечатление, что американцам доставляет удовольствие "заливать водой" факты, убеждая читателя, что "на самом-то деле всё гораздо проще!". ну да, нужно только на практике использовать указанные советы. громко смеялась в той части главы, где описан "101 способ, позволяющий мужчине набрать очки" (маленькие з...more

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Jul 24, 2011

Deemah rated it

· review of another edition

إنه احد الكتب التي كنت أسمع بها كثيرا حتى قبل دخولي عالم الكتب , حقا .. الكتاب يتمتع بشعبيه واسعه حول العالم , ولم تكن لدي أدنى فكرة عن محتوى هذا الكتاب الذي أعيد نسخه وطباعته عشرات المرات ..
النساء من الزهرة و الرجال من المريخ للدكتور جون غراي هو هذا الكتاب الذي يسبر بك أغوار النفس البشرية في المرأه والرجل ويقودك لفهم أعمق لذاتك ولجميع من حولك من الرجال والنساء , فإنطلاقا من هذا المفهوم أن الانثى من كوكب وان الرجل من كوكب آخر يسهل حياتنا كثيرا , لأن هذا الفهم يجبرنا على ان نستوعب إختلافاتنا...moreإنه احد الكتب التي كنت أسمع بها كثيرا حتى قبل دخولي عالم الكتب , حقا .. الكتاب يتمتع بشعبيه واسعه حول العالم , ولم تكن لدي أدنى فكرة عن محتوى هذا الكتاب الذي أعيد نسخه وطباعته عشرات المرات ..
النساء من الزهرة و الرجال من المريخ للدكتور جون غراي هو هذا الكتاب الذي يسبر بك أغوار النفس البشرية في المرأه والرجل ويقودك لفهم أعمق لذاتك ولجميع من حولك من الرجال والنساء , فإنطلاقا من هذا المفهوم أن الانثى من كوكب وان الرجل من كوكب آخر يسهل حياتنا كثيرا , لأن هذا الفهم يجبرنا على ان نستوعب إختلافاتنا وأن نأخذها بعين الاعتبار .. فإن اساس العلاقه بين الرجل والمرأه تبنى على الاختلاف لا على التشابه كما يظن أغلب الناس ..
انه يشرح بأبسط اسلوب و أوضح الصور كيف أنهم مختلفين! وان هذا الاختلاف ان لم يتم تفهمه ولو بشكل بسيط يؤدي الى حدوث المشكلات والتي غالبا مايكون سببها ( عدم تفهم الطرف الآخر ) , وبالطبع فإن عدم تعلم الفِكْر الزهري وتعلم لغه الزهريات لن يحصل (الرجل المريخي) الى التواصل المطلوب , وحتى بالنسبة للنساء فإن عدم تفهم الفكر المريخي و تعلم اللغه المريخيه سيؤدي الى نفس النتيجة ..
من هنا جاءت الحاجه الى هذا الدليل الذي يسهل عمليه التواصل , فإنه لا يشرح فقط الاختلافات بين الرجل والمرأه و انما ايضا كيفيه التواصل الناجح بين الطرفين عن طريق إجراء عمليه ترجمه للغه المريخيه واللغه الزهريه وكيفيه فهم الأطراف بعضها البعض بالتالي لا يتحول الكلام الى حوارٍ بين الصمّ!
ولا يقف هنا فحسب وإنما يشرح المتطلبات وطريقه تعبيرهم بالحب لبعضهم ايضا .. إن الكتاب ليس موجها فقط للأزواج وان كان قد ركز على علاقتهم ولكن من خلال فهم خصائص سكان الكوكبين ستسهل علاقتك بكل من حولك (less)

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About John Gray

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name. See this thread for more information.

John Gray is an American author on relationships and personal growth, best known for his 1992 book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and other "pop psychology" books offering relationship advice.

He was previously married to fellow sel...more

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Books by John Gray

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: Improving Communication

Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship

Mars and Venus in the Bedroom: A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion

Mars and Venus Together Forever: Relationship Skills for Lasting Love

Children Are from Heaven: Positive Parenting Skills for Raising Cooperative, Confident, and Compassionate Children

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“when a man can listen to woman's feelings without getting angry and frustrated, he gives her a wonderful gift.
He makes it save for her to express herself.
The more she is able to express herself, the more she feels heard and understood, and the more she is able to give a man the loving trust,acceptance,appreciation,admiration,approval, and encouragement that he needs.” — 62 people liked it

“حاجات النساء للشعور بالتحسن عن طريق التحدث عن المشكلات أما الرجال عن طريق حل المشكلات” — 7 people liked it

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