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Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops (Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops #1)

3.94  ·  Rating Details  ·  11,204 Ratings  ·  2,170 Reviews
This Sunday Times Bestseller is a miscellany of hilarious and peculiar bookshop moments:
'Can books conduct electricity?'
'My children are just climbing your bookshelves: that's ok... isn't it?'

A John Cleese Twitter question ['What is your pet peeve?'], first sparked the 'Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops' blog, which grew over three years into one bookseller's collect
Hardcover, British, 128 pages
Published April 5th 2012 by Constable and Robinson
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Kéž by vyšlo v ČR, verze 2015
29th out of 381 books — 604 voters
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Best Humorous Non-Fiction
2nd out of 250 books — 182 voters

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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
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Jun 04, 2012 karen rated it it was amazing

another fantastic gift from laima.

years ago, i read Overheard at the Bookstore, and since i was new in the bookstore career, i laughed appreciatively. now that i have been employed here for what seems to be more than half of my life, my laughter towards this latest book is fueled by a sort of desperate recognition and tinged with melancholy.

oh, my bookstore sisters and brothers, come to my sweet embrace. i was going to start a section in my writing for my tales from the stacks, but instead, i a
Petra X
Nov 24, 2015 Petra X rated it it was amazing
Updates 15. A girl came for an interview. She was nicely dressed, a bit shy and kept her eyes downcast, but looked me full in the face when answering questions. She sat pulled up very close to the cash desk so I couldn't see beneath her waist. She seemed a very nice girl. Only looking for something until college starts in Jan. but that's ok. I got up and as I did I saw she had her phone on her knees and was swiping through it and probably texting.

I said I don't think you really want this job. Sh
Aug 19, 2016 Natalie rated it really liked it
This particular book has been on my radar for awhile now, so I was extremely glad to finally having read it.

Weird Things Customers Say in Bookstores is a celebration of bookstores, large and small, and of the brilliant booksellers who toil in those literary fields, as well as the myriad of colorful characters that walk through the doors everyday.

My favorite quotes (and illustrations) taken from the book:

“CUSTOMER (to her friend): What’s this literary criticism section? Is it for books that comp
Jul 19, 2015 Ariel rated it really liked it

This was freaking funny, guys, flipping hilarious. It's, very simply, a collection of ridiculous things that customers say in bookshops, but it made me giggle and lol and just, the roflcopter flew while reading this.
Aj the Ravenous Reader
Nov 08, 2015 Aj the Ravenous Reader rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: readers
Recommended to Aj the Ravenous Reader by: myself
I haven’t read a non-fiction book in a long time. I’m so happy I picked this one! It’s a fun, fast read complete with comical illustrations.

I used to imagine book selling was the happiest, most relaxing job in the whole wide world. I was terribly wrong! I thought I was already weird but the level of weirdness of a lot of people who go to bookstores is wow, just unbelievable!

Now, I know I can never work at a bookstore. I’m too soft for the job. Lol! This is the perfect stress reliever or readin
Oct 07, 2012 Loederkoningin rated it it was amazing
Dang. Some of the books that are out there are just weird...

But it figures, since the customers that are visiting bookshops are often equally weird. Weird Things Customers Say In Bookshops proves just that. It contains a collection of the most peculiar and hilarious things customers have said in bookshops from all over the world. I could ramble on about how hilarious (and shocking!) this book is, but I could also pick a few random dialogues, so you get to decide for yourself. Enjoy!

Customer: I'm
Deborah Markus
Things from this book I actually heard while working at a bookstore:

"Where's your true fiction section?"

(To this day I have no idea what the person meant.)

"You must get so much time to read, just sitting here surrounded by books."

(I once had a customer assume I'd read everything in the store. It was a relatively small bookstore rather than one of the big chains, but still -- not cool to be indignant that I haven't read every title we stock.)

"I'm looking for a book for my son. He's only seven but
People really do say the craziest things in bookstores as you will see after reading this fun-filled work of humor.

A few of my favorites:

"Where is the true fiction section?"

"Do you have any books by Jane Eyre?"

Do you have Fiddler on a Hot Tin Roof?"

"Would you mind if I photocopied this recipe?"

Overall, a good little side-read with some cute illustrations, but expected a bit more bang for my buck(s)!

Liz* Fashionably Late
What kind of people do you find in a bookstore? Smart people? Intellectuals? Old ladies? People looking for a bathroom?
Time changes and with time, people. For me, libraries and bookstores are sanctuaries. Great places to breath, talk and recommend books. But I'd never in my life had thought it would be a a place to crack up with weird people and their weird questions.

CUSTOMER: Hi, I just wanted to ask: did Anne Frank ever write a sequel?

CUSTOMER: Yeah, but Voldemort killed Cedric, who’s playe
MJ Nicholls
Nov 26, 2012 MJ Nicholls marked it as getting-even
It isn’t safe to go into the second-hand bookshop anymore. Risk it if you must. If you do, there will be some discerning wag with a pen, notepad and an Eng Lit BA Hons waiting to transcribe verbatim your illiterate idiocy to make easy toilet-book cash. Perhaps you thought Shakespeare was a power forward for the Harlem Globetrotters. IDIOT! Or that Joseph Conrad wrote Lucky Jim? BUFFOON! Or maybe, in your blind illiterate stupidity, you asked the cashier if they had any copies of Useless Lees by ...more
Nov 09, 2015 Carol rated it really liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
No, I’ve never worked in a bookstore, but I did work in libraries for over 30 years so I couldn’t resist this collection of the weird things that customers say.

I second Neil Gaiman’s sentiment when he said this regarding Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops

So funny. So sad…Read it and sigh.”

Some of the comments made me laugh right out loud, some were really mean-spirited and yes, some were sad and some just left me scratching my head. I focused on the funny, which most are. If you’ve got an
Raeleen Lemay
Aug 24, 2015 Raeleen Lemay rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: own
Reading this just reinforced the notion that approximately 75% of the questions asked in bookstores are ridiculous.

Sep 24, 2015 Mahdi rated it really liked it
Shelves: طنز
ممنون از دوستانى كه ريويو نوشتن و باعث شد كتاب رو دانلود كنم و بخونم.
كتاب مجموعه خاطراتى طنز آميز از كتابفروش ها با مشترى هاى عجيب و غريبشونه. بيشتر ديالوگ هايى چهار پنج خطى هستن و گاهى طولانى ترن.
اين هم چند وقت پيش براى من اتفاق افتاد، وقتى كتابو مى خوندم يادم اومد:
مشترى: كتاب ديوان سهراب سپهرى رو داريد؟
فروشنده: منظورتون هشت كتابه؟
مشترى: نه، ديوانش.
فروشنده: سهراب ديوان نداره، شعرهاش همينه.
مشترى (با حالت حق به جانب): ندارى بگو ندارم. چرا الكى حرف مى زنى؟ (با عصبانيت خارج مى شود.)
فروشنده (گيج شد
From time to time I get emails through that purport to be saying lovely or cute or witty things that children/students/Lawyers/policeman/dogs/raw vegetables etc etc are supposed to have said or written in different situations. They are regularly funny and clever and i enjoy reading them but I as equally regularly read them with a heavy pinch of salt. For every genuinely funny thing that is recorded there are oodles that I cannot believe were ever really said. They are created, made up. This in i ...more
Franco  Santos
Buen libro.

Es raro puntuar esta obra... ¿Qué estaría puntuando? ¿La estupidez e ignorancia de la mayoría de estos clientes? Le pongo tres estrellas porque la pasé bien leyéndolo y la autora tuvo una muy buena idea juntando estas "anécdotas" tan divertidas.

En fin. Un libro ameno, gracioso, óptimo para olvidarte un rato de los problemas que te acucian y disfrutar, solo disfrutar. Nos pueden quitar todo, pero que jamás nos quiten la risa.
Rachel Maniacup
Nov 12, 2015 Rachel Maniacup rated it it was amazing
Recommended to Rachel by: Aj the Ravenous Reader
This book is a compilation of actual conversations between booksellers and costumers in bookshops. This book is brilliantly hilarious with funny illustrations that made this one even more entertaining.

Here are some examples:
COSTUMER: Do you sell ipod chargers?

COSTUMER: Do you have any books on
the story of Easter?
BOOKSELLER: I'm sure we do,yes
COSTUMER: Excellent! Something with
lots of chicks and rabbits
would be great,thanks!

COSTUMER(Holding up a Jamie Oliver cook
Review can also be found here @ my blog My Little Corner For Books

This book is so HILARIOUS!! It's super short, super funny, super awesome and you should go read it!! 4 hilariously awesome stars! Just a little less than 120 pages, could read in 30 minutes! Definitely recommend, in case you hadn't figured that part out when I recommended it to every one of my friends on GoodReads! :) I really, really enjoyed it!

*I was given a review copy of this book but this in no way has affected my thoughts
Apr 09, 2015 Freckles rated it it was amazing
VAROVÁNÍ: nečtěte tuhle knihu, pokud se nechcete zasmát. hodněkrát. nahlas.

CUSTOMER (having read the blurb to Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief aloud to his son): Excuse me, is this book based on a true story?
BOOKSELLER: It’s about an American teenager discovering he’s the son of Poseidon by accidentally vaporising his maths teacher.

CUSTOMER: Do you have this children’s book I’ve heard about? It’s supposed to be very good. It’s called ‘Lionel Richie and the W
Jan 05, 2015 Exina rated it really liked it
Shelves: humor-funny
“I tell you something, you must get some odd requests, working here.”

“Is this book edible?”

A very entertaining collection. My favorite is the one with the Twilight-Wuthering Heights-Harry Potter mix. Hilarious!

Highly recommended!!
May 29, 2012 Tfitoby rated it really liked it
Shelves: funny, non-fiction
Customer: Do you have a true crime section?
Bookseller: Yes (takes customer to section)

a few minutes later customer moves to the front door with a book in his pocket

Bookseller: Are you going to pay for that book?
Customer: No
Bookseller: (takes book from customers pocket) Please don't come back
Customer: Does this mean I have to bring back all of the other books I've taken?

Customer: Do you sell mobile phone top up cards?
Bookseller: No, we're a bookshop, we only sell books
Customer: Not
Aug 29, 2014 Florencia rated it it was amazing
Yes. From Faulkner to this. I read everything. Okay, almost everything. But lately, I've been enjoying these little jewels that are freaking hilarious. I fell in love with Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops only by looking at the cover (I just admitted that I judged a book by its cover, again). “Do you have any books by Jane Eyre?”. I just knew this one was going to be a funny read.

I love humor. It is an essential part of life that helps you to bond with people (or avoid people), to recove
May 25, 2012 Laima rated it really liked it
British poet and author Jen Campbell has compiled a book of hilarious and strange comments made by book store customers.

Here is a sample....

CUSTOMER: What kind of bookshop is this?
BOOKSELLER: We're an antiquarian bookshop.
CUSTOMER: Oh, so you sell books about fish.

CUSTOMER: (holding up a Jamie Oliver cookbook):
Would you mind if I photocopied this recipe?
BOOKSELLER: Yes, I would.

CUSTOMER: Do you have Agatha Christie's Death in Denial?

CUSTOMER: Do you have a crafts book on how to build a gun?

Literary Ames {Against GR Censorship}
Customer: Do you have any Robin Hood stories where he doesn't steal from the rich? My husband's called Robin and I'd like to buy him a copy for his birthday, but he's a banker, so...

This little book is full of the weird, the wonderful and the hilariously funny things customers say in bookshops. The cover is beautiful and I love the little illustrations alongside the quotes, especially this one:

Favourites that aren't in the book, from the website:

a customer reading a book about the nativity.
Dec 04, 2012 asdewi rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: every booklover
Muahahaha....Finished this in just one sitting, and I had a really good time of laughing my ass off.

One of the perks of having a job that requires you meeting lots of people is you'll realize there's many different people out there. There are hilarious people, weird, funny, funnily weird, nice, etc.

From this book, now I know there is customer...

-that's naive and funny

(view spoiler)
Lisa Vegan
May 09, 2012 Lisa Vegan rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: book and bookstore lovers; people who work in or own bookshops; as a gift book
Recommended to Lisa by: Clay
This was so worth importing from England, and it was worth the money to me too, even though I’m buying basically no books these days. Even though it took barely any time to read, it provided me with many laughs and smiles. Much of it is hilarious.

The one about the kid’s nightmares was what I read first. So funny. Then I read it cover to cover, quickly.

The illustrations are cute but I didn’t really need them.

What’s truly scary is not even how ignorant many people are, but how rude, how unethical
~ Odette Knappers
Apr 01, 2016 ~ Odette Knappers rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: inbezit
Van Rowie gekregen voor mijn verjaardag :D

Mijn god zo briljant grappig :D
Mar 09, 2015 FeReSHte rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to FeReSHte by: سرقت شده از قفسه کتاب های طنز شایان جان :دی
کتاب مجموعه ای بود از خاطرات کتابفروش های مختلف از مکالماتی که با مشتری های نابغه !!! تو کتابفروشیشون داشتند و خوب به دلیل بیش از حد نابغه بودن این مشتری های عزیز قراره که مثلن این کتاب در کنار واقعی بودن ،طنز هم باشه.طنزی که من رو زیاد به خنده وادار نکرد چون نمی تونستم وجود این همه نبوغ رو در بشر امروزی باور کنم...باورش سخته کسی بره تو کتابفروشی و دنباله ی خاطرات انه فرانک رو بخواد...یا دنبال کتابی با امضای شکسپیر باشه...یا درکنار کتاب بافتنی از کتابفروش کاموا و میل بافتنی هم بخواد...یا تنها نش ...more
Aug 06, 2015 Jean rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Jean by: Pink
"Do you have anything written by Jane Eyre?"

This is an actual quotation from Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops. The book is mainly a collection of genuine questions recorded by the proprietors of two independent bookshops, plus a few other extras. Some are laugh-out-loud funny, some are unbelievably cheeky or bordering on criminal. What do you think about a person who goes into a bookshop every morning out of the rain while she waits for her bus. Is that OK? Well, perhaps it is. But if she
Mi favorito:

Cliente: ¿Tenéis ejemplares del libro favorito de Bella Swan? Ya sabes, la chica de Crepúsculo.
El librero suspira y saca un ejemplar de Cumbres borrascosas de la estantería.
Cliente: ¿No tenéis la edición que se parece a los libros de Crepúsculo?
Librero: No, ésta es una librería de viejo. Todas nuestras ediciones son antiguas.
Cliente: Pero, ¿es la misma trama? ¿Con la tal Cathy y el chico malo?
Librero: Sí, sigue siendo la trama de Emily Brontë.
Cliente: Genial. ¿Harán película?
This was a bittersweet read and I can’t see why people rate it 5 stars, except the booksellers themselves, and I’ve worked as a bookseller for some time. A few of the conversations between bookseller and customers were of patronizing nature which was annoying. Saying that you have never heard of James Joyce … is as shocking as spiting on the floor and announcing your support for slavery and racism, despite the obvious unimportance of your tastes in leisure-time activity to just about anything. L ...more
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Jen Campbell grew up in the north east of England and now lives in London. She is the author of the Sunday Times bestselling Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops series, and The Bookshop Book.

She is also an award-winning poet and short story writer. Her poetry pamphlet The Hungry Ghost Festival is published by The Rialto, and her collection in progress, the girl aquarium, won an Eric Gregory A
More about Jen Campbell...

Other Books in the Series

Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops (2 books)
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“CUSTOMER: Hi, I just wanted to ask: did Anne Frank ever write a sequel?
BOOKSELLER: ........
CUSTOMER: I really enjoyed her first book.
BOOKSELLER: Her diary?
CUSTOMER: Yes, the diary.
BOOKSELLER: Her diary wasn’t fictional.
BOOKSELLER: Yes... She really dies at the end – that’s why the diary finishes. She was taken to a concentration camp.
CUSTOMER: Oh... that’s terrible.
BOOKSELLER: Yes, it was awful -
CUSTOMER: I mean, it’s such a shame, you know? She was such a good writer.”
“CUSTOMER: I read a book in the sixties. I don’t remember the author, or the title. But it was green, and it made me laugh. Do you know which one I mean?” 124 likes
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