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Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops

by Jen Campbell (Goodreads Author)

3.96 of 5 stars 3.96 · rating details · 2,706 ratings · 679 reviews

From the hugely popular blog, a miscellany of hilarious and peculiar bookshop moments:
'Can books conduct electricity?'
'My children are just climbing your bookshelves: that's ok... isn't it?'

A John Cleese Twitter question ['What is your pet peeve?'], first sparked the 'Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops' blog, which grew over three years into one bookseller's collectio...more

Hardcover, British, 119 pages

Published April 5th 2012 by Constable and Robinson (first published 2012)

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Community Reviews

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Jun 04, 2012 karen rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: for-laughter

another fantastic gift from laima.

years ago, i read Overheard at the Bookstore, and since i was new in the bookstore career, i laughed appreciatively. now that i have been employed here for what seems to be more than half of my life, my laughter towards this latest book is fueled by a sort of desperate recognition and tinged with melancholy.

oh, my bookstore sisters and brothers, come to my sweet embrace. i was going to start a section in my writing for my tales from the stacks, but instead, i a...more

216 likes · like · see review

Dec 04, 2012 asdewi rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: every booklover

Shelves: 5-bintang, ebook, english-edition, favorites, humor, personal-literature, well-written, nonfiksi

Muahahaha....Finished this in just one sitting, and I had a really good time of laughing my ass off.

One of the perks of having a job that requires you meeting lots of people is you'll realize there's many different people out there. There are hilarious people, weird, funny, funnily weird, nice, etc.

From this book, now I know there is customer...

-that's naive and funny

(view spoiler)...more

15 likes · like · see review

Oct 07, 2012 Loederkoningin rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: amusing-or-hilarious

Dang. Some of the books that are out there are just weird...

But it figures, since the customers that are visiting bookshops are often equally weird. Weird Things Customers Say In Bookshops proves just that. It contains a collection of the most peculiar and hilarious things customers have said in bookshops from all over the world. I could ramble on about how hilarious (and shocking!) this book is, but I could also pick a few random dialogues, so you get to decide for yourself. Enjoy!

Customer: I'm...more

37 likes · like · see review

Sep 28, 2012 Melissa rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: cracked-me-the-s-up

For anyone who thinks we make the stuff in this book up...we don't.

I'm a bookseller and we don't. I have been asked for the "english translation" of insert-title-of-English-language-classic-here (Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, The Scarlet Letter, Shakespeare, Tom Sawyer, etc.) more times than I can count. I have been asked to find a book that was "blue" and "nonfiction" (with no other information...no joke). I have seen customers trim their toenails in our cafe. I have been asked for a "fiction...more

11 likes · like · see review

Dec 04, 2012 Idle Hippo rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2012, nonfiksi, book-that-make-me-laugh

Waduh, ini mah mau gak jadi inget kejadian ato tepatnya tragedi ronggeng dukuh paruk tentang seorang customer sotoy yang yah.. begitulah. mau gak mau bersyukur kejadian2 yang ada di buku ini terjadi di inggris hahahahaha
*sujud sukur*

intinya berisi pertanyaan2 aneh dari pembeli yang yah katakanlah absurd dan sebangsanya yang bikin ngakak seperti misalnya

CUSTOMER: Do you have any pop-up books on sex education?

CUSTOMER: Do you have a book with a list of careers? I want to give my daughter some insp...more

7 likes · like · see review

Oct 09, 2012 Chelsea Grindstaff rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I spent 4 years working in a bookstore. I had the craziest requests from the craziest people. This book has some of the funniest/stupidest/most outrageous things that people have said in bookstores. I've had people ask me some of these very questions.
I laughed my way through this book. It reminded me of some of my crazy moments as a bookseller. I recommend this to anyone who has worked in the retail industry and/or loves books.

8 likes · like · see review

Oct 09, 2012 Ummu Auni rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: e-book, read-2012, comics-graphics, non-fiction

Oh my God! This is so hilarious. I was holding myself not to squeal a laughter since I read this in the middle of the night.

Customer: Excuse me, do you have any signed copies of Shakespeare plays?
Bookseller: Er... do you mean signed by the people who performed the play?
Customer: No, I mean signed by William Shakespeare.
Bookseller: .....*headdesk*

Customer: (holding up a copy of a Harry Potter book): This doesn't have anything weird in it...does it?
Bookseller: You mean, like, werewolves?
Customer:...more

13 likes · like · see review

Dec 10, 2012 Annikka rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: in-english, made-me-laugh, liked-the-idea

Tohle si musíte přečíst. Geniální. Warning: zlepšuje náladu! :P

5 likes · like · see review

Dec 08, 2012 Kungkang Kangkung rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: humor

Terima kasih, Mbak Dewi buat ebooknya. :D

Jujur saja sebelum ketahuan lebih lanjut —boleh juga dibilang sebagai curhat— saya ini tidak terlalu pandai bahasa Inggris, jadi meminta ebook ini sebenarnya nekad, dan dengan niat mulia yang saya tertawakan sendiri —belajar. :P

Buku ini lucu, dan terkadang benar-benar sesuai judulnya “Weird”. Tapi dengan segala kelucuannya saya tidak lantas tertawa terbahak-bahak, melainkan saya lebih sering tertawa sinis. Bagaimana tidak? Buku ini mengingatkan saya pada...more

3 likes · like · see review

Nov 17, 2012 Prashant rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: awesome-reads, book-for-booklovers, worth-reading

A book for those ardent readers, passionate collectors and curious souls who linger around bookstores just for the fun of it. Going to a bookstore is like a religious ceremony which is sacred as well as painful for them at the same time. Painful for the reason of the space and resources to accomodate the treasure found.

It's innocent fun with a tinge of that holier-than-thou attitude that I as a devout reader carry. My sadistic bones were fed well, I tell you.

[Added Later- Want to order somethi...more

5 likes · like · see review

Oct 21, 2012 Emily rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2012, humor, non-fiction

I worked at Barnes and Noble for 3 years and have heard my fair share of "weird things", so I had to get this book for sentimental reasons. I laughed out loud several times and could relate to so many things, especially the chapter on customers getting the names of books wrong. If I could have contributed to this book, here's what mine would have said:

Customer-Hi, do you have the book "October Sky"? I/my kid needs it for school.
Bookseller-Actually, we have plenty of copies, but the book is calle...more

3 likes · like · see review

May 30, 2012 Amy or "Ames" rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: laugh-out-loud, non-fiction, read-in-2012, i-heart-the-cover-art, favourites, bought-in-2012, british, books-about-books

Customer: Do you have any Robin Hood stories where he doesn't steal from the rich? My husband's called Robin and I'd like to buy him a copy for his birthday, but he's a banker, so...

This little book is full of the weird, the wonderful and the hilariously funny things customers say in bookshops. The cover is beautiful and I love the little illustrations alongside the quotes, especially this one:

Favourites that aren't in the book, from the website:

a customer reading a book about the nativity.
Custo

...more

17 likes · like · see review

Dec 17, 2012 Nanny rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2012, cartoon-comic-manga-graphic-novel, e-book

Membaca buku ini lumayan bisa buat refreshing, walaupun lay out ebook nya 'kurang bersahabat' tapi banyak ceritanya bisa bikin senyum dan tertawa (walau tidak terbahak-bahak),tapi ada juga yang kurang lucu atau tidak dapat 'feel'nya mungkin karena bahasa Inggris saya kurang 'ngelotok'

Ini salah satu yang membuat saya tersenyum karena kok sama dengan pengalaman seseorang (celingukan cari orangnya ) :D

Customer is reading a book from the shelf, pauses and folds the top of one of the pages over, the...more

2 likes · like · see review

Oct 31, 2012 Eyehavenofilter rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Since I have the misfortune to actually work in a bookstore, this book does not surprise me at all. But it is hysterically funny. I'd love to see a volume two. I'm sure I could add even more rediculous things people say, especially in my bookstore. The lack of awareness inherent in the general population concerning books never ceases to confirm how I feel about how incredibly uneducated most people think they aren't.
Yes I know, I know it's bad grammar....but hey .... It's not like I'm a rocket...more

1 like · like · see review

Mar 03, 2013 Savindi rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: favourites

Cover Gushing Worthiness: I think the cover for this book is delightful. It’s quirky and cartoony in the way that I like. It really is a good reflection of the book.

Review: I first heard about the book through goodreads and then it appeared again on my wordpress reader thanks to Clair from The Captive Reader when she shared some of her favourite quotes.So this isn’t really a review for the book because I don’t think it’s the type of book you can necessarily review, but I thought I’d share some...more

1 like · like · see review

Oct 30, 2012 Sally906 rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

Very quick read. Working in a bookshop needs more tact than I possess I'm afraid :)

I first heard about WEIRD THINGS CUSTOMERS SAY IN BOOKSHOPS from a Goodreads friend. It is a small book so is a very quick read that contains a collection of both hilarious and weird bookshop conversations that will have you laughing and/or shaking your head on every page. Like the customer who wanted book for in a series for their niece they had no idea which of the plethora of children’s series it was they just...more

3 likes · like · see review

Aug 02, 2012 Kirsty Stanley added it

Shelves: signed-copies, own-printed-copy, read-in-2012

I own a signed copy of this book bought via the lovely Jen Campbell herself.
I'd been following Jen on Twitter for a while so had seen a few of her examples of Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops as well as having read her 100 Poems challenge book.

This neat hardback/dust jacketed collection is presented in three sections. Tales from the Edinburgh Bookshop (where Jen used to work), Tales from Ripping Yarns (where Jen currently works so be sensible visiting people) and Weird Things Customers...more

2 likes · like · see review

Jul 13, 2012 jerica rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: ebooks-nonfiction-i-have

The entries are humorous, yes, but it is also quite appalling to see the state of ignorance (and how folks consciously raise their children in ignorance) of some people. And all these entries came from bookstores in a first world country, where the standard of education should better because they have the resources for it--so why were all those customers so...

3 likes · like · see review

Sep 15, 2012 Limau Nipis rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: on-nook, 2012-reads, non-fiction

If you are a book worm, you should read this book.

I like the Knockturn Alley joke when a customer asked where he can buy dark arts books

3 likes · like · see review

Jan 13, 2013 Johara rated it 4 of 5 stars

Quite funny, made me want to open a bookshop of my own.

1 like · like · see review

May 17, 2013 Martyn rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2013, comedy, good-khazi-books, non-fiction

I've always thought that there must be a crossover between the things that people say in bookshops and what they say to us in libraries, it turns out there is. For evidence of this, and after you’ve read this funny book first, read the fantastic tumblog at http://iworkatapubliclibrary.com. The two combined made me want to sit in a corner with a blanket mumbling the word "patrons" to myself repeatedly.

EDIT: If you do visit iworkatapubliclibrary.com, check out the entry "Global Warming, Not" - tha...more

1 like · like · see review

Apr 21, 2013 Swankivy rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This was sort of fun. I worked in a bookstore for six years so my friend Fred thought I would particularly appreciate this, and I did. So many of the things people were recorded as saying were bizarre and off the wall, and many of the requests based on ignorance were chuckle-worthy (e.g., asking if Anne Frank had written a sequel; expecting Harry Potter to have its seventh book split into two because that's how the movies were; Tequila Mockingbird). And of course the customers attempting to use...more

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Mar 06, 2013 Lynn rated it 3 of 5 stars

I feel like I read this book in about 15 minutes. It's very short and is just a collection of very brief exchanges between booksellers and customers. It's a mindless, light read and if you've worked retail or in a bookstore you'll find it relatable. I worked in a bookstore for about a year while in college and this book brought back some memories of the dumb stuff people would ask. "Do you have 'that' book by 'that' guy?" and "Why can't you arrange them by color?" were the top two questions at t...more I feel like I read this book in about 15 minutes. It's very short and is just a collection of very brief exchanges between booksellers and customers. It's a mindless, light read and if you've worked retail or in a bookstore you'll find it relatable. I worked in a bookstore for about a year while in college and this book brought back some memories of the dumb stuff people would ask. "Do you have 'that' book by 'that' guy?" and "Why can't you arrange them by color?" were the top two questions at the store I worked at.

My two most memorable experiences were both with unpleasant, obnoxious people.

Uppity Lady: I waited on this woman who was too snobby to look in my direction, much less my eye. When she came up to pay, she handed over her cash while her body was turned in the opposite direction and she was facing away. She then held her hand out with her palm sideways, rather than flat, waiting for her change. I paused and kept waiting for her to turn around, but she wouldn't. She started making impatient little grabbing motions with her hand for her change, but her palm was still sideways, any money I put down would fall out. Finally I shrugged at my manager, who was watching this whole exchange with fascination, and started slowly and loudly counting back her cash, figuring she'd have time to look in my direction and use her hand like a normal human being. Nope. Finally I gave up, and put the coins in her sideways hand, which of course meant they all fell on the counter. She whipped around, completely shocked, *extremely* offended, and started screaming at me that I had "thrown her money across the store at her" and how dare I, and is this how I treat all customers, etc. I calmly said "mam, I didn't thow your change at you." She carried on ranting and raving until I finally snapped and said "Listen woman, if I had thrown your money at you, you'd be walking across the store to pick it up!". She was shocked into silence, and then threw an accusing look at my manager and was like "Are you going to let her talk to me like this?" And my manager looked at her, looked at me, and said "Yep. You can leave now." My manager there was rad. I hope he's doing well.

Creepy Homeless Guy: My other, shorter story is this really nasty bum who used to hang out at the mall across the street. He came in one day, and everyone knew the second he entered the store because he smelled so bad that he literally took your breath away, even from 20 ft away. It was like a cloud of foulness permeated the store when he walked in. Customers were all looking around wondering what the foul odor was. Anyway, he purchased a bunch of Hustler/Playboy magazines AND all the magazines we had geared to little girls, like American Girl magazine. Lucky me, I got to ring him up. My eyes were watering and I was choking because he smelled so bad. But the best part was when he pulled moist, yet crusty, money out of the folds of his disgusting clothes. I immediately ran to the back to wash my hands several times and bathe in hand sanitizer.

I think this review may actually be longer than the book. Oh well. :)

(less)

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Mar 05, 2013 Melanie rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: comedy-humor, non-fiction, e-book, i-own, 2013

These booksellers must be masters of self control... Especially when called idiots because they can find a book with the following clue "there's the word "and" in the title". Or when someone asks for a recommendation and then says "Ok thanks, I'll order it on Amazon".
I'd still love to work in a bookstore though.

A few of my favorites:

Do you have this children book I've heard about? It's supposed to be very good. It's called "Lionel Richie and the Wardrobe"
---

"Customer: You know how they say that...more

1 like · like · see review

Feb 18, 2013 Liz rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: books-read-2013

My husband gave me this delightful little book for Valentines Day. Possibly because I have my own peculiar behaviour in bookshops, I interview (some would say interrogate) the bookseller- "what is their top ten'?, what are they currently reading?, what's a book that changed your life?". I tend not to return if they can't answer (clearly they don't deserve to work there if they don't even know books!!). Anyway this book provided many moments of laugh out loud and equally moments of embarrassment...more

1 like · like · see review

Feb 02, 2013 ABO rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: read-in-2013, favorites

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Buku ini berisi tentang (seperti judulnya) hal-hal aneh yang diucapkan oleh pembeli/pelanggan di toko buku. Kebanyakan sangat lucu, tapi beberapa juga saking anehnya saya tidak mengerti.

Ini saya beri sedikit dari yang saya suka :

CUSTOMER: Do you have any books by Jane Eyre?

CUSTOMER: Hi, I just wanted to ask: did Anne Frank ever write a sequel?
BOOKSELLER: ........
CUSTOMER: I really enjoyed her first book.
BOOKSELLER: Her diary?
CUSTOMER: Yes, the diary.
BOOKSELLER: Her diary wasn’t fictional.
CU...more

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Feb 02, 2013 Michiyo 'jia' Fujiwara rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: humor-books

liat update feed..oiya baru inget belom nge-review buku ini!!
makasih buat a.s dewi..eti puji..zulfy..iya aku adalah orang yang kesekian yang dapetin ebook ini dari forwardan-forwardan temen-temen GR sebelumnya..
entah kenapa jadi inget percakapan Shrek and Donkey difilm Shrek yang pertama:
description

Shrek: Ogres are like onions.
Donkey: They stink?
Shrek: Yes.. No...!!
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry.
Shrek: No..!
Donkey: Oh, you leave em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs.
Shrek...more

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Jan 21, 2013 Mark rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: comic-work, books-for-the-smallest-room

From time to time I get emails through that purport to be saying lovely or cute or witty things that children/students/Lawyers/policeman/dogs/raw vegetables etc etc are supposed to have said or written in different situations. They are regularly funny and clever and i enjoy reading them but I as equally regularly read them with a heavy pinch of salt. For every genuinely funny thing that is recorded there are oodles that I cannot believe were ever really said. They are created, made up. This in i...more From time to time I get emails through that purport to be saying lovely or cute or witty things that children/students/Lawyers/policeman/dogs/raw vegetables etc etc are supposed to have said or written in different situations. They are regularly funny and clever and i enjoy reading them but I as equally regularly read them with a heavy pinch of salt. For every genuinely funny thing that is recorded there are oodles that I cannot believe were ever really said. They are created, made up. This in itself does not take away the fun of reading them but it does dampen my enthusiasm a little because it is treating me like a gullible fool or idiot.

This book struck me in much the same way. It is a collection of comments and conversations 'gathered' by booksellers and put into this short book which is perfect for dipping into and smiling over but the vast majority of the entrys have never been said seriously. I do not care what the publishers may claim, I do not believe they are real. Not because people do not say stupid things, I myself do quite often, but because that is the vast majority of these comments.

More often then not, they are being offered to us not as witty and amusing and clever things people have said but just feeding us an opportunity to laugh at people rather than with. To belittle the stupid or the 'ill-educated'.

In small doses it was amusing but if i read it for too long i found myself getting annoyed, not at the inanity of the contributors but at the arrogant superciliousness of the author.

An example of the disingenuousness of the book is on the back cover.

'Do you have this children's book i've heard about? It's supposed to be very good. It's called "Lionel Ritchie and the Wardrobe"

Now I am sorry but nobody ever said that; No they didn't Ms Campbell. That is a clever little joke but nobody ever really said it unless it was heavily tongue in cheek. Your book does not allow for tongue-in-cheek, your book is dismissive and sneery.

There are examples after examples of this and it does tend to annoy after a while. Buy this book, stick it in your loo and read it over the course of months rather than a day or so. That way you will laugh at the wit, smile at the imagination of Ms Campbell and not be so annoyed that she has been a tad dishonest in presenting this as reality. Some, maybe a good many, are genuine but loads of them just did not ring true. People are often stupid but not as stupid as she tries to portray.

Thinking about it further, it smacked a little of some of those antiquarian bookshops one goes into and because you are wearing shorts, sandals and a t shirt they look dismissively down their nose and assume you are looking for some 'naff little paperback' they could not possibly be holding on their intellectual shelves. (less)

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Jan 04, 2013 Angela Noviana rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: ebook

I really enjoyed reading this book. I read it in 2 hours and trying to shut my mouth from laughing because I read it on my desk at the office. Hahahahahahah...

There are some LOL moments I got from reading this book.
(view spoiler)...more

1 like · like · see review

Dec 31, 2012 Mohamed rated it 4 of 5 stars

This is my first book to complete in the new year. and yes it wasn't that good. I think hilarious English books are made only for natives as this is my second and like the first I didn't enjoy it that much. I had a favorite situation or two but I think it would have been much better if I was a native speaker. leave you to my favorites:

CUSTOMER: Do you have any crime books involving speeding fines?

CUSTOMER: You know how they say that if you gave a thousand monkeys typewriters, then they’d eventua...more

1 like · like · see review

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About Jen Campbell

Jen grew up in the north east of England, went to Edinburgh University, and now lives in North London where she works at an antiquarian bookshop.

Her short stories and poetry have been published in various places. Her first book 'Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops' is published by Constable (UK & Commonwealth), and Overlook (US/Canada). Translations are forthcoming in German, Swedish, Dut...more

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Quotes from Weird Things Customers...

“CUSTOMER: Hi, I just wanted to ask: did Anne Frank ever write a sequel?
BOOKSELLER: ........
CUSTOMER: I really enjoyed her first book.
BOOKSELLER: Her diary?
CUSTOMER: Yes, the diary.
BOOKSELLER: Her diary wasn’t fictional.
CUSTOMER: Really?
BOOKSELLER: Yes... She really dies at the end – that’s why the diary finishes. She was taken to a concentration camp.
CUSTOMER: Oh... that’s terrible.
BOOKSELLER: Yes, it was awful -
CUSTOMER: I mean, it’s such a shame, you know? She was such a good writer.” — 14 people liked it

“Bookshop Customer: 'Who wrote the bible?'
Customer's friend: 'Jesus.” — 12 people liked it

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