By the Iowa Sea: A Memoir of Disaster and Love

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By the Iowa Sea: A Memoir of Disaster and Love

3.62 of 5 stars 3.62 · rating details · 348 ratings · 113 reviews

An exquisitely written memoir about the heartbreaks and ecstasies of marriage and fatherhood by a talented new writer from the University of Iowa MFA program. Joe Blair always had big plans. As a child, he would lie on his bed and study the Easy Rider poster stapled to his wall, dreaming of the day he could wear a leather jacket and be free. In his early twenties, he and h...more

Hardcover, 288 pages

Published March 6th 2012 by Scribner

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Jun 22, 2012 Jane S rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is a surprising gem of a memoir from a writer whose day-job would lead many to regard him as unremarkable and hence unlikely to draw fame or recognition in the normal walk of life, all of which made this book seem all the more powerful and poignant to me. Blair's voice is evocatively reflective, yet self-deprecating and heart-breakingly honest as he recounts his reality as a blue-collar father of 4 children living in small town Iowa, all the while hanging on to the person he was in his yout...more This is a surprising gem of a memoir from a writer whose day-job would lead many to regard him as unremarkable and hence unlikely to draw fame or recognition in the normal walk of life, all of which made this book seem all the more powerful and poignant to me. Blair's voice is evocatively reflective, yet self-deprecating and heart-breakingly honest as he recounts his reality as a blue-collar father of 4 children living in small town Iowa, all the while hanging on to the person he was in his youth and keeping alive his youthful idealism and dreams of just upping and going with his wife, of relocating to the East Coast and being/becoming the more fulfilled person he thought he should be. This much speaks to probably most of us at some point in life, but the way Blair expresses this and how he reconciles himself with his reality was what got me. He doesn't spare us the painful yet at times archly humorous details of his quotidian concerns, his thoughts of committing infidelity, his struggles in dealing with his autistic son or self-doubts as to whether he loves his family enough.

The memoir ended with the family selling up and moving back to Massachusetts, although I noticed that the author bio on the book's dust-jacket stated that Blair still lived in Iowa. His account of their family vacation at Plum Island (which coincidentally added a personal point of interest since I'd recently visited the place myself) in the closing pages of the memoir somehow seemed contrived, almost as if it was pulled together for the sake of ending the book on viscerally complete note. It felt suspect to me somehow but then again, it might simply reflect my wariness of how writing of this nature works. That was a small quibble in the larger scheme of things and does not detract from the narrative. What remained emotionally evocative was the way Blair remained stuck in the moil of life, enduring and trying to keep the faith - which spoke volumes as a kind of love that is more real and tenacious than the hackneyed emotions we tend to associate with almost 'cheaper' and easier notions of love. I tend to be more critical and scathing in my reviews than not e.g. see my review of Joan Didion's Blue Nights, but this is one memoir I'd highly recommend - for its writing, its honesty and unsentimental reflection of (what our modern world would tend to think of as) a small, nameless and modest life elevated all the more for the quality of persistence.(less)

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Jul 03, 2012 Gloria added it

Remember the opening to the movie Joe vs. the Volcano...?

"Once upon a time there was a guy named Joe
who had a very lousy job..."

Allow me to cut to:

"Once there was a guy named Joe
who had a very lousy job ...
and what he thought was a lousy life ...
a dead end marriage ...
and a tiring job as a father..."

When I first read the blurbs for this book, I was eagerly anticipating reading it. Now that I have, I'm a bit flummoxed. I honestly don't know how to rate it.

I finished this in less than a day-- so...more

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Jan 02, 2013 Jaclyn Day rated it 4 of 5 stars

Occasionally I come across a book that I’m not immediately interested in, but decide to read anyway because I’ve heard good things about it. I’m so glad I decided to give it a try. This story of a man and his marriage and family is heart-breaking and beautiful, written in such a painfully honest voice that I sometimes cringed as I read. I think everyone, at some point in their life, wonders, “Is this all there is?” Can change (whether in location or in who you are with, for example) be enough to...more

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Apr 07, 2013 Gregg Sapp rated it 2 of 5 stars

Desite my general disdain for any books sold in Costco, I picked this off the pile and decided to add it to my tour of Midwestern novels. I admit that I wasn't paying close attention. In fact, this is a memoir, not a novel (this fact was in small print on the cover). So, I delved into it under fasle pretenses.

Oddly, I had more empathy for the narrator when I thought he was a character, rather than when I realized that he is a real person. Likewise, when I discovered that these were actual event...more Desite my general disdain for any books sold in Costco, I picked this off the pile and decided to add it to my tour of Midwestern novels. I admit that I wasn't paying close attention. In fact, this is a memoir, not a novel (this fact was in small print on the cover). So, I delved into it under fasle pretenses.

Oddly, I had more empathy for the narrator when I thought he was a character, rather than when I realized that he is a real person. Likewise, when I discovered that these were actual events, rather than a portrayal of fictional episodes crafted allegorically, I felt disappointed. Admittedly, this perhaps says as much about my own literary biases as anything of the author's intentions. Still, my thought was basically, this fellow has a lot of gall.

The subject is the author's extramarital affair and eventual reconciliation -- heady, gut-wrenching stuff. Other reviewers have gushed over Blair's honesty, and, well, it is that, but even so, he does not come off as a particularly deep thinker (a sometimes ingratiating trait with a character, but one that most memoirists would be advised to avoid). Part of it is his short, direct, unadorned prose; he doesn't even seem to be trying too hard. There are a lot of two word sentences and simplistic dialog that doesn't seem to go anywhere. Overall, I found the casual narrative style insufficient to convey a man in a profound moral quandary. The "honesty" seems more to reflect his account of what happened, rather than what it meant to him. It almost seems like he leaves it for the Iowa flood, which is the background for his infidelity, to represent the turmoil that he really can't manage to express.

And then there's the sexual honesty. Let's just say that if his wife is still speaking to him after some of these public revelations, then she either had a lot of therapy or a religious conversion. There's such a thing as too much information, even in a memoir. Especially in a memoir.

It all works out for the Blairs in the end, though, and I'm happy for them. That doesn't make it a good read, though.(less)

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Aug 06, 2012 Elizabeth Moeller rated it 3 of 5 stars

The author bills this book as an examination of how experiencing the Iowa flooding helped him to re-examine his failing marriage and his priorities. However, while this may be a catchy tag to hang the story on, it is not accurate. Instead this is more properly placed in the genre of middle age, coming to terms with reality auto-biography, with a bit of raising a special needs child auto-biography thrown in.

Blair's story is about how he and his wife met and spent the early part of their marriage...more

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Jun 21, 2012 Eileen rated it 5 of 5 stars

When you read a memoir, you don't need to love the type of person the author is. You don't need to think he or she has stellar character. What matters is the voice of the author and their motivation for telling their story. I've read two memoirs within the past few months—this one and Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs. The two books could not have been more different. Whereas Running with Scissors was a boastful and showy attempt at shocking readers, what struck me about By the Iowa Se...more

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Jun 16, 2012 Jeff Rosendahl rated it 1 of 5 stars

I had high hopes for this book based on the inside cover synopsis. Joe Blair decides at a young age that he will travel for his life. He and his wife elope and ride away from MA on their motorcycle to be - bohemians, basically. They make it to Iowa before they run out of money. 15 years later, they're still there, Joe is repairing AC and they have 4 kids, one of whom is severly autistic, when the Cedar River floods Iowa City. Joe is beginning an affair and is having trouble connecting with his w...more

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May 22, 2012 Tim Meneely rated it 4 of 5 stars

The remarkable thing about this book is the humility in every clipped passage. He is a pipefitter in a small town who has had a rough patch.Delusions of grandeur would be toxic to this book. He's not trying to do more than tell you about himself, his flailing passion and his clunky path through marital hardship.

And it IS clunky. He is a dude, classically clumsy with emotional acrobatics. He's not the tender auteur anticipating the needs of his partner (and frankly gives the sense that however m...more

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May 07, 2012 Timothy Bazzett rated it 5 of 5 stars

Hoo, boy! Where to even begin trying to describe BY THE IOWA SEA? I believe that Joe Blair's memoir will be a rather controversial book. But here's my two cents' worth. This is a very powerful book. I had trouble putting it down, which is good. But I felt like a voyeur, and I'm not quite sure yet if that's good or bad.

BY THE IOWA SEA is perhaps the most utterly human and nakedly candid look at a marriage as any I have ever read. I started to call it a "troubled" marriage, but then I decided I di...more

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Apr 24, 2012 Michael May rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: w-11th-bluff

I was sort of excited when I first heard about Joe Blair's By the Iowa Sea, a memoir written by a middle-aged, working-class Iowa transplant who feels trapped by his wife, kids, house, and job. It almost seemed as if Joe had written this book for me. I am approaching middle age. I've been married to Maggie May for close to twenty years. Our two kids are rambunctious and demanding. Our house is so small I tell people we live in a shoebox. I'm a librarian, not a pipefitter, though I'm sure some an...more

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Sep 02, 2012 Jolene rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: elle-readers-club

I enjoyed the last section of this book (pgs. 217-277). For much of the book, however, Joe Blair puts his depression, despondency and derangement on display. It is unsurprising that other reviewers call the memoir "startling" and "unsettling"--and I would say that Blair's work is upsetting/troubling until the last act, which redeems the rest of the book.

I am puzzled by the title as the author rhapsodized about Massachusetts in most of the book. In fact, toward the end, Blair's writing about Newb...more

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Jul 07, 2012 Amanda rated it 4 of 5 stars

A compulsive read, with lots of juicy bits -- and some pretty unsexy sex parts. An honest memoir in which the author routinely casts himself in a very unflattering light.

Being from the Iowa City area myself, I relished all the geographic details: restaurant names, street signs, area businesses, etc. It was fun to view those familiar places through his non- Iowa-native eyes.

He situates the memoir in 2008 during the summer floods and uses the natural disaster as a metaphor for the growing tension...more

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Mar 16, 2012 James rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir, read-in-2012, first-reads

Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book through the Goodreads First Reads program.

Joe's stuck. Mired in mud. He's got a life he didn't really expect, living in a town that was chosen more by when his gas money ran out than for any other reason, and a special-needs child that limits what the family can do. He dreams of a different life, but doesn't know what that life should be. So when the opportunity for a chance to change something in his life presents itself, he dips his toe in the metapho...more Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book through the Goodreads First Reads program.

Joe's stuck. Mired in mud. He's got a life he didn't really expect, living in a town that was chosen more by when his gas money ran out than for any other reason, and a special-needs child that limits what the family can do. He dreams of a different life, but doesn't know what that life should be. So when the opportunity for a chance to change something in his life presents itself, he dips his toe in the metaphorical water.

The floods of 2008 provide the backdrop to the story. The rains are ever falling, bogging everything down. The rivers rise up out of their banks, forcing detours and delays. The neighborhood fills sand bags, trying in vain to stop the encroaching waters. And in the end, the floods win out, washing away buildings, car, trees, and changing lives. Afterwards, the rebuilding and recovery. The floods are the backdrop and a metaphor for everything that is going on in Joe's life.

There are parts of the book that I didn't care for. Some nit-picks... I grew up in eastern Iowa. I'm aware of many of the places that Joe talks about. But the specific details are almost too specific. I don't need to know that he takes two lefts and a right to get from one place to another, or that you went to a Hy-Vee for a grocery store. You could just say that you went to a grocery store. It's like the difference between a GPS telling me to make a right turn in 350 yards, or someone telling me to take the second right by the gas station. The first is just too analytical. I don't need that exact 350 yard kind of detail in directions, and I found it a little off-putting in the book. It's a memoir. It's supposed to be more about the emotional journey than the actual journey.

On the other hand, I really enjoyed everything in here about Michael. Michael is the special-needs kid, and every time Joe talks about his relationship with Michael, or his wife talking about Michael, or how the other kids dealt with family life... That really rang true and great to me.

I never really felt what attracted Joe to Pamela. Maybe I wasn't supposed to. Maybe Joe didn't really understand it either.
(less)

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Sep 03, 2012 Laura (The Shabby Rabbit) rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: books-i-own, non-fiction

I can't do 1/2 stars or I certainly would put this at 4 1/2! I so very much enjoyed this book! It is always a treat to read about locales I have a common bond with, but Joe took us on trip so much more real than a restaurant I've visited before or roads and intersections I'm very familiar with. He took us to where he lives and he did so with raw honesty and a a BOAT load of courage!! The whole experience was a 'pay no attention to the man behind the curtain' moment, where just because we see som...more

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Jul 24, 2012 Linda rated it 1 of 5 stars

I thought this might be interesting as the setting is local to me. Actually, the MOST interesting point was when the author is driving from Cedar Rapids to Decorah and goes through Independence, past Mt. Hope cemetary, and speculates on what the "residents" might be hoping for.

Oveall, reading the book made me feel like I'd stumbled into a bar with a quasi-friend who was bent on telling me all the mundane and TMI type details of his life, and I didn't care and I couldn't stop him.

The characters,...more

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Apr 20, 2012 Rose rated it 3 of 5 stars

Not really what I expected, but then again I don't really know what I was expecting. Perhaps a memoir with a larger focus on Iowa (I'm an Iowan). Blair is shockingly honest about the problems in his marriage which I'm not sure is admirable or not. I sometimes found the small 'parts', as another reviewer put it, annoying but I thought he was a good writer. He doesn't really explain his feelings about any of the people he writes about, including his wife, which is kind of frustrating.
Spoiler aler...more

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Sep 30, 2011 Stuart Smith rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

By the Iowa Sea is a rattling and at times disturbingly accurate story of a man who has stumbled into the middle of his life with only questions to show for his existence. Ripped of frills, Blair constructs simple prose that hide within them a special clarity in the face of both natural and personal disasters. Readers will find beauty in the small town monotony and many will relate to the internal struggle that grips a man in a small town fearing he will live a small life.

I caught the overall f...more

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Jun 28, 2012 Madeline Solien rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: good-nonfiction

This was a lovely book that can absolutely break your heart...If you aren't married and don't have kids, this is the book that might make you question whether or not you want them...Joe Blair uses the Iowa City (and it's historical flood a couple years ago) as the background for his thoughts on love and marriage. As a long married man, he realizes that his life hasn't turned out exactly how he envisioned it when he was in his 20's...which includes the realization that he doesn't have the burning...more

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Aug 01, 2012 Sam rated it 5 of 5 stars

What a compelling and gripping story. I simply could not put this book down. I highly recommend this and I plan on reading it over and over again. I won this book from Goodreads.

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Apr 10, 2012 Meagan rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book started out beautiful and then fizzled out towards the end. Blair's first few pages hooked me right away. They are entrancing, placing the reader right in with the characters watching the storm hit the Coralville mall. The imagery is beautiful and intense and moving. I really enjoyed the different form he used for the book. It is almost as if each chapter is made out of a series of prose poems. But as the book moves along, Blair's laser focus seems to dissipate. He gets nostalgic. The...more

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Feb 23, 2012 JDK1962 rated it 4 of 5 stars

I am torn between three and four stars for this book.

I've gone with four stars because, for its flaws, it allows the reader into the author's life, flaws, and all. It conveys well the sense of a life that simply happens, rather than being designed, made worse by chance and poor decisions. The role that love, and the yearning for love, plays in our lives is well handled.

The major flaw of the book, in my opinion, is the inclusion of the post-Iowa material. To me, it felt unnecessary, as if the boo...more

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Dec 31, 2011 Doreen rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: elle

The back cover blurb does no justice to the book: I showed it to a similarly literary friend and she too cringed at how formulaic it made the memoir sound. And, to a certain extent, this book does fit all the stereotypes you'd associate with the product of a midwestern university's MFA program: the content is heavily confessional, almost to the point of grotesque (the scene with the tampon was necessary to the narrative, I suppose, but made even the usually unsqueamish me squirm) and the prose i...more

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Apr 13, 2012 Jennifer rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: e-books, biography-memoir

Joe Blair's excellent memoir roils and surges like the flooded Iowa rivers which were his inspiration. He is fearless and bone crushingly honest as he recounts a year of parallel tragedies.

Beyond his blunt and scorching truth telling is Blair's ability to transform the banal. A butterfly caught beneath a windshield wiper offers an opportunity to recollect and interpret events from a deep personal past in language so sparse and perfect it left me aching and breathless. The tree in autumn so brigh...more

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Nov 08, 2011 Dawn Grimes rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Bar none my favorite memoir - ever. Completely captivated by this author's ability to blend disparate conversations, events and observations through seamless narrative that weaves an endearing - and yet gritty story of life -- with all of it's choices, and challenges, opportunities and obstacles. At no point do you ever feel as though you are being hit over the head by comparisons or metaphor - it is as though you get to take a journey inside the author's heart and mind and come - and see and fe...more

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May 30, 2012 Rachelfm rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: happy-oppression-of-parenthood, memoir, midwest, non-fiction, post-modern-navel-gazing

This was an extremely compelling book. Joe Blair dissects every organ, every corner of himself and his marriage against the backdrop of the catastrophic floods of 2008. Raising four children, one of them profoundly autistic, his life as a husband and father became predictable and suffocating. Joe and his wife Deb struggle through exhaustion, boredom, infidelity and the emptiness of homeownership while sandbagging against the Iowa River.

This is an unflinching and touching memoir, thoughtfully ex...more

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Apr 17, 2012 Jacque rated it 5 of 5 stars

I picked up this book for obvious reasons -- I'm from Iowa, my parents live in Cedar Rapids and my son was born the day the Iowa River crested to it's highest point in 2008. I have a fascination with the flood in general and the recovery efforts that have taken place over the last 4 years.

I was a little surprised that this was more of a love story than a story about Iowa, but it hooked me. I loved Blair's writing style -- throwing in random vignettes within the chapters really added depth to the...more

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Mar 23, 2013 Chad rated it 3 of 5 stars

So I know that this shouldn't matter necessarily, but I would have liked this a whole lot more if I actually liked the narrator. He's kind of a tool. I'm sure it is not easy to be a father to a severely autistic child, but I can't let that excuse his behavior. He has a lovely turn of phrase at times which kept me beguiled enough to tolerate his exploits and keep reading. He has this to say about the idea of believing in something:
"It's belief that brings love into being. As if from thin air. Bel...more

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Feb 09, 2013 Joanne rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir-life

This is really the best memoir I have read written by a man that delves into the joys and sorrows of giving up youthful pursuits to marry and have a family. I think the title of the book is a bit of a misnomer because the book discusses an impending storm/flood, but that is really tangential to this story which is about life, its disappointments, and the small moments of triumph and happiness.

Joe Blair and his wife, Deb, and their children live in a small town in Iowa. Like most young people, e...more

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Apr 09, 2012 Jamie rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is one of my recent favorite reads. It is a very honest portrayal of a very real life. I loved it from beginning to end and found myself talking back and gasping at the book while reading. I was given very strange looks from my boyfriend. Maybe I loved the book so much because it felt like a very real and personal story and I could relate to it. I'm not sure, but I would recommend it and I have. The book description won it for me and I couldn't be happier that I picked up this book and gave...more

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Jun 25, 2012 Carol rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: biog-memoir

What a pleasant surprise of a book! Being a resident of Illinois, and living across the Mississippi River from the state of Iowa, the title alone intrigued me. I have visited Iowa City often and had read many news articles about the devastating flood of Iowa City, the setting of this memoir, so I was expecting the focus to be on that. While the flood and its damages acted as a background and metaphor of Joe Blair’s life, I believe the personal story of his life could have stood alone.

I was take...more

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