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Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child

4.13  ·  Rating Details ·  2,360 Ratings  ·  278 Reviews
Intelligence That Comes from the Heart

Every parent knows the importance of equipping children with the intellectual skills they need to succeed in school and life. But children also need to master their emotions. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child is a guide to teaching children to understand and regulate their emotional world. And as acclaimed psychologist and res
ebook, 240 pages
Published September 20th 2011 by Simon & Schuster (first published January 1st 1997)
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Jan 19, 2013 Gail rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
John Gottman should feel sad for two reasons: (1) he buries astute analysis and fabulously practical advice (of which he is rightfully proud) inside a tomb of, frankly, boring writing and poor organization, and (2) he writes for a cripplingly heterogeneous audience. For a mother who already embraces her own emotions and honors them in her children, reading “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child” feels like a socialite perusing a manual of polite social interaction written for the autistic. I ...more
Sep 03, 2008 Natalie rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
yes, i read parenting books. i'm a nanny and an overachiever. this one is excellent. even if you never hang out with kids, i think that at a certain age, we all realize that we need to be a good parent to ourselves - creating nurturing and discipline in our daily lives. so this book gave me tools to understand the underlying philosophy of my own parents, the way its affected my own style, and tools for changing it. Plus, it has helped immensely with taking care of a two and four year old.
May 10, 2011 Elise rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: parenting
Every parent should read this book. Parents of toddlers, parents of teenagers. There are so many things in this book that can help parents build trusting, communicative relationships with their children, and establish methods to help a child become "emotionally intelligent." The beginning of the book talks about how the emotional intelligence of a child is a far greater predictor of success (school performance, education, career opportunities, better peer relationships) in life than a child's me ...more
Lance Agena
May 02, 2007 Lance Agena rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
There are many parenting books out there that are as controversial as they are popular. You use what you find helpful and ignore what doesn't fit in with your own personal parenting philosophy. I found most of Goleman's techniques in this book to be insightful and invaluable.

Too often, we may find ourselves giving in to venting our anger or frustration at our children for our own emotional benefit, forgetting that they are not adept at reading their own feelings much less yours. It is too easy
Jul 14, 2014 Shae rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book started off with the premise that parenting is so important YOU MIGHT MESS UP YOUR KIDS IF YOU DO IT WRONG which dropped it to a three star book right away. Other than that I did pick it up and put it down over the course of six weeks, continuing to come back to it as it gave me lots of food for thought.

In the big picture Gottman is advocating "Emotion Coaching" which broken down to five steps is: 1.) Being aware of the child's emotions 2.)Recognizing the emotion as an opportunity for
Mar 18, 2011 Kara rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I think this book would be really good for parents who aren't sure what emotions are acceptable and how to handle their own emotions in relation to their childs' emotions- clear as mud. What I mean is, if you are ok with your child getting angry, upset, frustrated then you probably know most of what's in this book. But if you aren't ok with yourself feelings these emotions, let alone a child, then you should read it to get on board. Kids are going to have emotions, for crying out loud, adults do ...more
Jun 17, 2013 Laura rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book takes me back to my college parenting and family studies classes. I feel like its a solid book that teaches you first, to figure out what type of parent you are and second, recognize how you as a parent respond to your child's emotions. It's not a parenting book with lots of tips and there's nothing earth shattering, but it reinforces 5 simple principles which are basically this:

1. beware of the child's emotion
2. prepare yourself for a parenting moment
3. listen to your kid. make them f
Sep 04, 2012 Natali rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
You can sum up the five main points in this book in just one chapter but I did appreciate the supporting chapters. There is a lot of really good scientific research in this book, which I always appreciate. I recently ditched a parenting book because its main supporting text was the bible. :|

This author is a psychotherapist who emphasizes empathy as the main way to relate to children. He talks about how damaging it can be to minimize their stress and the lasting effects of doing so, which can tea
Alicia Carlsen
Oct 12, 2016 Alicia Carlsen rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A great book showing how being empathetic about our child or spouse's emotions is so important to overall development. The message was able to be put to use immediately with my girls.
Oct 04, 2008 Maya rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: parents
One thing my mother always told me was that she believes children are people too, and adults should remember that. Essentially, that is the message John Gottman seeks to deliver in Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child.

As a parent I found the book helpful because it gives five "rules" for responding when your child is emotional. I find, that as my son gets older, my impulse is to expect him to keep his emotions more under control. But that expectation is sometimes unreasonable; I need to rem
Apr 20, 2009 Marie rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book was well thought out and very well researched. I also thought it went well with the Dr. William Sears "Attachment Parenting" books. It has some of the same ideas, but applied more to older children. It also goes well with the Charlotte Mason philosophy that children are people. It did challenge a lot of my paradigms of how I look at emotion. But I could see it helping me when I babysat my cousin's daughter. And I also could see myself making the mistakes they said. Even though it gives ...more
Aug 05, 2012 Natalie rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Awesome awesome book. I love John Gottman and think he has great info with great research. A lot of things he says to do I've already been doing with Addie, but there are things I can do better and need to remember not to say or do. Like instead of telling her to be happy when she's throwing a tantrum or she goes to bed for a nap, tell her that it's okay that she's sad or angry, but if she has a tantrum and isn't acting nicely she needs to go to her room and calm down and she can come out when s ...more
Oct 09, 2010 Russell rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book has started to significantly change my parenting style. With each chapter I noticed that I was starting to soak in the ideas and principles of emotional awareness. I decided not to read it too quickly after I began noticing how it was influencing my sensitivity. I took the time to really think about experiences and situations in the past where I could have applied what Gottman was teaching. This approach required a significant amount of pondering and evaluation. I expect that I will re ...more
Julie Verner
Aug 28, 2009 Julie Verner rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: parenting
A must-read parenting book. He offers a wonderful discussion of the importance of parenting our children's emotions. The book offers examples, self-assessment quizzes, and is centered around five steps to becoming an emotion coach. Because so much of the work that I do as a therapist is with individuals who present with problems because they do not know how to recognize, name, and effectively cope with their emotions, I believe strongly in the merit of this type of book. As valuable as the book ...more
I thought this would be helpful, but I think in all my learning and growth, I already understand this concept intuitively. There's a quiz you take to see what kind of parenting style you are, and I already scored VERY 90% as Emotion Based Parenting. I think I understand the concepts, but my execution is lacking though, and I was hoping to get some education on that from the book, but didn't really feel I did. I guess this is just a beginners look in to the ideas, and really it's ju ...more
Nov 20, 2013 Colleen rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Emotion coaching is extremely useful in dealing with all my children, but especially for my highly emotional Luke. We want our boys to know how to identify and put words to their feelings, that their feelings are important, and that there are appropriate ways and inappropriate ways to release our feelings. This book gives a great guide for doing all those things. It also has helped both Adam and I identify our emotional triggers so we can face emotional situations with more understanding. A grea ...more
Nov 09, 2009 Heidi rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is, hands down, one of the best books I've ever read. Gottman presents a way to parent that is simple, consistent, and kind. I was shocked that his advice cast an almost magical spell of understanding and calm on my child. This isn't a book on discipline so much as it is a reminder that treating someone (even a 3 year old or 13 year old someone) with respect and love yields mutual respect and love.
Feb 21, 2014 Katherine rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
There were points where I felt frustrated with this book and it took me a bit longer to finish than I had anticipated. However, I am very glad I read the whole book,and am certain Iwill at some point re-read some suggestions. Overall the information in this book was very helpful and also a bit of a wake up call forme personally.
Sep 24, 2008 Jesse rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Anyone
Recommended to Jesse by: Business Psychologist
This is a great book regardless of whether or not you are raising a child, although I imagine it could be even better if you were. It was recomended to me by a business psycholgist during a week long group therapy session with a focus on leadership. It gives very practical advice that I was able to use immediately in an office setting with noticeable results.

Very valuable book!
Nov 08, 2008 Brynn rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
good stuff, but i didn't give it a 5 because it quotes Ginott so much that you might as well just read Ginott's "Between Parent and Child". redundant, but well-written and easy to glean good advice from.
missy jean
Apr 17, 2009 missy jean rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
The best parenting book EVER. In fact, it's pretty much the only parenting book I've ever liked much at all :) I've read it several times, and it has radically shaped my ideas about creating attachment and mutual respect in my relationship with my kid(s).
Aug 15, 2009 Jenny rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I know everyone who reviewed it loved this book, but I just could not get into in. I understand and somewhat agree with the theory of emotional intelligence and how to develop that in children in theory. However, it seemed to be a lot of convincing and not much "how-to".
Sofi Carpenter
This book had good ideas, but I felt it was redundant; it could have made the point with half the words. I also feel it was mostly geared to those with small children.
Aug 06, 2008 Erika rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
This had some good ideas in it, but a lot of them are things that are kind of common sense. I do like it, but I probably won't finish it.
Sep 10, 2008 Aimee rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
A must read for parents from a very credible & respected author.
Dec 15, 2016 Michael rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I just finished reading Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child and was really blown away. I already see how the skills it teaches and approaches it advocates are useful in my non-parent life. The approach Gottman advocates - acknowledge your kid's feelings, help them name the feelings, set boundaries for their actions, and help them solve the problems that led to their negative feelings - feels like an approach that harnesses our natural tendencies and needs as feeling humans.

I have a couple s
Hani Boukhamsin
Dec 24, 2016 Hani Boukhamsin rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
في عالم اليوم، كثير من الأباء المثقفين يهتم في تعليم اطفاله فقط، و ينسى الاهتمام بمشاعر و عواطف الأطفال
مؤلف الكتاب ( جون قوتمن) يشدد على اهمية الأهتمام بمشاعر الأطفال من الشهور الأولى لطفل و يثبت من خلال الدراسات و الابحاث ان التربية العاطفية يكون لها تأثير ايجابي على مستقبل الطفل اكادمياً و اجتماعياً.
التربية العاطفية تبدأ بوعي الأباء بمشاعر الطفل اولاً ( الخوف، الحزن، القلق، التوتر، الفرح، ألخ) ثم التعاطف مع الطفل
ثم مساعدة الطفل على التعبير عن مشاعره بكلامات بسيطة، ثم مساعدته في إيجاد الحلول لك
Jan 13, 2017 Jim rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Helping children understand, embrace, and function well with their emotions is a major task of parenting. In this book, Dr. John Gottman shows the strengths and various methods of "emotion coaching" while also showing the weaknesses of other parental attitudes when it comes to emotions like being dismissive or laissez-faire. For someone who struggles to certain degrees with anger and viewing "negative" emotions like sadness as something to get rid of, I found this book to be incredibly helpful a ...more
Heather S
Nov 12, 2016 Heather S rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I read several parenting books, and dozens of parenting articles before coming to this one. I found to it be extremely helpful, logical, and researched based. Not every chapter is applicable to my situation, but the research and methods expained in this book helped me sort through a lot of parenting myths and customs to find what I thought was the best method. It has helped me most to just slow down and listen more.
Nov 29, 2016 Vgathright rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I skipped a bunch of chapters that were less relevant to me (importance of fathers and divorce) but loved the theory of emotion coaching. Trying to implement. Wish he'd had more examples especially ones where everything doesn't go perfectly, because when I try it, it doesn't go like in the book. I'm reading a different book now that discusses emotion coaching some more so hoping for more details.
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“They don’t object to their children’s displays of anger, sadness, or fear. Nor do they ignore them. Instead, they accept negative emotions as a fact of life and they use emotional moments as opportunities for teaching their kids important life lessons and building closer relationships with them.” 5 likes
“And when your family shares a deeper intimacy and respect, problems between family members will seem lighter to bear.” 2 likes
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