Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read.
Start by marking “The No Hellos Diet” as Want to Read:
The No Hellos Diet
Enlarge cover
Rate this book
Clear rating
Open Preview

The No Hellos Diet

4.24  ·  Rating Details ·  387 Ratings  ·  43 Reviews
"The thought of calling off work is like the thought of suicide, just nice to think about."

In The No Hellos Diet, Sam Pink brings you straight into a world you've never been to before -- your own life. Find yourself working at a department store where everyone must wear red and khaki clothing. Find yourself throwing out garbage for fifty cents more than minimum wage. Find
Paperback, 88 pages
Published August 1st 2011 by Lazy Fascist Press
More Details... edit details

Friend Reviews

To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

Reader Q&A

To ask other readers questions about The No Hellos Diet, please sign up.

Be the first to ask a question about The No Hellos Diet

Community Reviews

(showing 1-30)
filter  |  sort: default (?)  |  Rating Details
Dec 18, 2014 Zadignose rated it really liked it
This is another great offering from Sam Pink. It is similar to his other work, yet it also has enough that is unique about it. This time around, the author gives us a window into working life, particularly low-skilled low-paid work, and it approaches a culture which is ever-present in our world, yet rarely revealed in our arts and literature. What can I say?:

"I'on't know what it is, but I'on't like no cheese. It be fucking irritating me."

If you haven't heard someone speak this way, then you have
Ethan Ashley
Jan 05, 2013 Ethan Ashley rated it it was amazing
I really fucking liked this book. I sat and read it in one sitting. Feels like cozy depression.
M.F. Soriano
Mar 27, 2015 M.F. Soriano rated it it was amazing
I read this book today at work. It took me about three hours, and would have taken less time but I kept making myself put the book down for a minute, to slow down, so as not to miss things. Part of the quickness of the read is because the book keeps you turning pages. Part of it is because the book is very short--81 pages of text, probably like 30K words--too short in my mind to be considered a true novel. And part of it is because the level of language is pretty basic--short sentences, minimal ...more
Jackson Nieuwland
Oct 04, 2011 Jackson Nieuwland rated it it was amazing
I made a video of me reading the first half of this book out loud:

Then I read the second half to myself. Mostly while walking around town.

It is similar to Person but also different in many ways.

May fav part was when when the main person was hanging out with Sour Cream
Feb 28, 2015 Marcus rated it it was amazing
Shelves: best-of-bizarro
one my favourite writer's from the bizarro/alt lit world. Honest, direct, sensitive without the boring pathos etc. Gritty without trying to be hipster gritty. Moving. Like the best of Miranda July flicks. Attempting to connect with others but honest with alienation as well. Love the writing of this Sam Pink fella!!
DeWitt Brinson
Apr 25, 2012 DeWitt Brinson rated it really liked it
This is a sequel to Person written like a sperm. Cause it's heavy in the front but it wiggle tails real light toward the end. If you read Person and wanted more then open your mouth and swallow this.

1) When he says uh-oh. I kinda fast-read to get to the parts where he says uh-oh, so I could just giggle manically for awhile.

2) When the girl says "red light". [spoiler alert, a girl says "red light" in No Hellos Diet] that was sweet and made me feel like less of a monster even though it did
Emmie Rae
Feb 12, 2013 Emmie Rae rated it really liked it
sam pink you are really funny and sad

i want to hug you

but i would be too scared

so i would probably just buy you an apple

and all of your books.
Jessica T.
Sep 19, 2014 Jessica T. rated it really liked it
Catcher in the Rye + Bukowski + American Psycho = Sam Pink.
Jarret Lovell
Apr 04, 2015 Jarret Lovell rated it it was amazing

I had been wanting to read Sam Pink for some time now, having seen his books recommended to me on a certain large, book-selling behemoth that - I think - is killing bookstores, record stores, etc. But in this case, I will give its algorithim credit, for when I found Sam Pink's work at a visit to Powell's Bookstore in Portland, I quickly gobbled this one up - and I'm glad I did.

Simply put: THE NO HELLOS DIET is hysterical. There were many moments when I laughed out loud. Literally. And when I wri
Dustin Reade
Sep 19, 2011 Dustin Reade rated it it was amazing
This is really something special.
George Carlin once talked about the way he came up with his material. He said there were two worlds. The "BIG" world, which involves lofty concepts like politics, and global issues stuff.
The second world, the "SMALL" world, dealt with more personal things. Observations on the self, existentialism, and what not.
Sam Pink is a master of the Small World. He understands what it means to be a person, a REAL person, to work at some awful job that you hate but
Oct 04, 2016 Igrowastreesgrow rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2016
This book reveals the inner thoughts and possible conversations between a person living a life barely surviving and the rest of the surrounding world. This is a powerful story where a person could feel true connection based on the fact that their is truth. There is not a filler of any sort to make this story beautiful or purposeful. This is a story of a mundane life with all the thoughts, feelings, and experiences. The only part that makes this story work is the writing. The writing provides the ...more
Mar 01, 2015 Lara rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Hacía tiempo que quería echarle el guante a algo de Sam Pink y la verdad es que no he quedado decepcionada. Minimalista, descarnado y depresivo pero aún así consigue conectar contigo a muchos niveles, porque la vida de ese personaje sin nombre no es tan diferente a la que vives o a la que (tristemente) vas a vivir. Porque sabes que esos mismos pensamientos absurdos y enfermizos han cruzado tu mente alguna vez, y porque pierdes infinidad de segundos en tu vida en lugares parecidos a esos ...more
Katherine Snedden
Apr 20, 2014 Katherine Snedden rated it really liked it
"Organizing the candy aisle with Billy, you realize suicide is not an option. Because the only way would be to try and bang your skull against the tile floor hard enough. Only what would happen is, after one good bang you'd become disoriented and then get arrested and institutionalized. And then, with the eventual granting of a little personal freedom, you'd only be able to get the same type of job, where one day you'd be asked to organize a candy aisle."
Dec 24, 2014 Sharon rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I really, really liked No Hellos, it was funny and it was refreshing to read something in second-person. Maybe also because I read it while I got my first job ever, at a supermarket, and read the book during my lunch-breaks so I felt more "connected" to the book.

This was the first book-book by Sam Pink I read, I had read No One Can Do Anything Worse to You Than You Can but I didn't even realise that it was the same author until I finished reading No Hellos.
Sep 18, 2014 Matt rated it really liked it
You know, Sam Pink really is a hell of a writer. Not sure how I feel about his public personality, though I'm very much disinclined to judge. So what if he's not my favorite interviewee on Other People? I said it already and the only thing that should matter is when talking about his work is that he's a hell of a writer. That's all. And he is.
Ok. I've been feeling like a person lately. I've read two of Sam Pink's books (Person and The No Hellos Diet) back to back, in two days. I read on his blog that he has 'given up writing.' That's really sad. I've never encountered a voice like his before, and I really hope he doesn't stick by this decision.
Eric T. Voigt
Apr 21, 2012 Eric T. Voigt rated it it was amazing
Shelves: spring-twelve
Neo fucking decapitates a guy with some kind of steel rod or something in that third Matrix movie. Did you remember that? I didn't. And then I saw it happen again. Damn. Beheaded as all get-out. This book is a six. A compact slice of a terrible life that plays out in the best way.
Nov 27, 2015 Nobody rated it really liked it
Shelves: favorites
Apr 28, 2014 Stephen rated it liked it
Shelves: english
Mientras Leo
Aug 02, 2014 Mientras Leo rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Escrito en segunda persona es un ejercicio en el que el autor disfruta de sus propias rarezas.
Jan 24, 2015 Ben rated it really liked it
one of the few authors that can actually make me laugh.
Trevor John
May 31, 2016 Trevor John rated it it was amazing
Thank you for keeping the gun out of my mouth again, Sam Pink, I fucking love you.
Sep 20, 2014 Raj rated it it was amazing
It was good.
from publisher

Read 3/29/12 - 4/3/12
4 Stars - Strongly Recommended to readers who enjoy the humdrum of the everyday
88 pages (eBook/PDF)
Publisher: Lazy Fascist Press

We've all been there, unless we were born with a silver spoon in our mouths. Whether it was your first job or an in-between pocket-filler as you attempted to sort your shitty life out... I'm talking about those grueling, humiliating, horrendously mind numbing minimum wage positions we suddenly found ourselves in.

Mine was a part time po
Mar 18, 2014 Eric rated it really liked it
"The security guard tells you that when the store was being built, the corporate headquarters sent down Human Resources representatives from Minnesota, and they parked their car in Blood Alley.
When they got out, a homeless guy walked up and said, 'Welcome to Blood Alley' and then took his dick out of his pants and shook it at them.
'How did he shake it,' you say.
Someone else says, 'Yeah like up and down, side to side, what.'
'Just waving his dick,' the security guard says, making a motion with his
Mar 14, 2013 Seth rated it liked it
Sam Pink is pretty good. He makes acutely interesting observations about the everyday in ways that most writers don't. Here, however, he doesn't do much to unify those observations with any real thematic glue other than the loneliness and ennui of being consciously average and unremarkable. I may or may not read Person next, but from what I've heard, it seems as though Sam Pink keeps writing the same novel over and over again, only instead of drastically changing certain story elements or tone ( ...more
Dec 01, 2011 Kat rated it liked it
You live in Chicago. You have been dumped by your girlfriend. She has left you with an empty apartment. You have a job similar to that of a stock clerk at Target. You don't really have any friends, and spend much of your time alone, or with your ex-girlfriend who keeps popping up randomly, or engaging in meaningless yet amusing conversations with co-workers, or buying a child's mattress so you have something to sleep on. This is your life. Enjoy.

Pink has an uncanny knack for making the everyday
Dan Kuhs
Jan 11, 2013 Dan Kuhs rated it liked it
I'm not a writer, so it's difficult for me to criticize a book when I've written nothing more than a Facebook post that people actually find funny.

This is the second book that I've read from Sam Pink, but I didn't like either one of them. I gave it three stars because I respect the urge to create something totally different, but I couldn't help but to feel that this book was written in this style because the author couldn't resist the urge to use the word "you." The style isn't for me, but I can
Dec 04, 2015 Muriel rated it really liked it
You do nothing without the conviction that there must be an audience, somewhere. Without an audience, you begin to doubt your own existence. Without an audience, you wouldn't bother. If you're gonna rip it, make sure you rip it nonstop, man.*

*A brief synopsis of every Sam Pink book I have read
« previous 1 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 next »
There are no discussion topics on this book yet. Be the first to start one »
  • Stories V!
  • Best Behavior
  • The Angel in the Dream of Our Hangover
  • We Are All Good If They Try Hard Enough
  • Selected Unpublished Blog Posts of a Mexican Panda Express Employee
  • The Pickled Apocalypse of Pancake Island
  • Motherfucking Sharks
  • You Private Person
  • Scorch Atlas
  • Sometimes My Heart Pushes My Ribs
  • 10 a Boot Stomping 20 a Human Face 30 Goto 10
  • Today the Sky is Blue and White With Bright Blue Spots and a Small Pale Moon and I Will Destroy Our Relationship Today
  • Normally Special
  • The Really Funny Thing About Apathy
  • what purpose did i serve in your life
  • During My Nervous Breakdown I Want to Have a Biographer Present
  • Crunk Juice
  • The Obese
Sam Pink is the author of The No Hellos Diet, Hurt Others, I Am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It, Frowns Need Friends Too, and the cult hit Person. His writing has been published widely in print and on the internet, and also in other languages. He lives in Chicago, where he plays in the band Depressed Woman.
More about Sam Pink...

Share This Book