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The No Hellos Diet

4.23 of 5 stars 4.23  ·  rating details  ·  247 ratings  ·  34 reviews
"The thought of calling off work is like the thought of suicide, just nice to think about."

In The No Hellos Diet, Sam Pink brings you straight into a world you've never been to before -- your own life. Find yourself working at a department store where everyone must wear red and khaki clothing. Find yourself throwing out garbage for fifty cents more than minimum wage. Find...more
Paperback, 88 pages
Published August 1st 2011 by Lazy Fascist Press
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This is another great offering from Sam Pink. It is similar to his other work, yet it also has enough that is unique about it. This time around, the author gives us a window into working life, particularly low-skilled low-paid work, and it approaches a culture which is ever-present in our world, yet rarely revealed in our arts and literature. What can I say?:

"I'on't know what it is, but I'on't like no cheese. It be fucking irritating me."

If you haven't heard someone speak this way, then you have...more
Jackson Nieuwland
I made a video of me reading the first half of this book out loud:

Then I read the second half to myself. Mostly while walking around town.

It is similar to Person but also different in many ways.

May fav part was when when the main person was hanging out with Sour Cream
Ethan Ashley
I really fucking liked this book. I sat and read it in one sitting. Feels like cozy depression.
Dec 01, 2012 Dana rated it 3 of 5 stars
Shelves: 2012
There was never a book that never made me feel as shitty about my life as this one.
Yet there was never a book a related to more.
And that's just the worst feeling.

This book was about retail life, and how it sucks, and how despite it's shitty waiting room feel, it was better than being in your shitty apartment all day.

Each character that worked at the retail store reminded me of someone at my store. The back room stories reminded me of my back room stories. It was all a sad, satirical story. Eve...more
DeWitt Brinson
This is a sequel to Person written like a sperm. Cause it's heavy in the front but it wiggle tails real light toward the end. If you read Person and wanted more then open your mouth and swallow this.

1) When he says uh-oh. I kinda fast-read to get to the parts where he says uh-oh, so I could just giggle manically for awhile.

2) When the girl says "red light". [spoiler alert, a girl says "red light" in No Hellos Diet] that was sweet and made me feel like less of a monster even though it did...more
Mientras Leo
Escrito en segunda persona es un ejercicio en el que el autor disfruta de sus propias rarezas.
"The security guard tells you that when the store was being built, the corporate headquarters sent down Human Resources representatives from Minnesota, and they parked their car in Blood Alley.
When they got out, a homeless guy walked up and said, 'Welcome to Blood Alley' and then took his dick out of his pants and shook it at them.
'How did he shake it,' you say.
Someone else says, 'Yeah like up and down, side to side, what.'
'Just waving his dick,' the security guard says, making a motion with his...more
one my favourite writer's from the bizarro/alt lit world. Honest, direct, sensitive without the boring pathos etc. Gritty without trying to be hipster gritty. Moving. Like the best of Miranda July flicks. Attempting to connect with others but honest with alienation as well. Love the writing of this Sam Pink fella!!
Eric T. Voigt
Neo fucking decapitates a guy with some kind of steel rod or something in that third Matrix movie. Did you remember that? I didn't. And then I saw it happen again. Damn. Beheaded as all get-out. This book is a six. A compact slice of a terrible life that plays out in the best way.
Emmie Rae
sam pink you are really funny and sad

i want to hug you

but i would be too scared

so i would probably just buy you an apple

and all of your books.
Jessica T.
Catcher in the Rye + Bukowski + American Psycho = Sam Pink.
Dustin Reade
This is really something special.
George Carlin once talked about the way he came up with his material. He said there were two worlds. The "BIG" world, which involves lofty concepts like politics, and global issues stuff.
The second world, the "SMALL" world, dealt with more personal things. Observations on the self, existentialism, and what not.
Sam Pink is a master of the Small World. He understands what it means to be a person, a REAL person, to work at some awful job that you hate but...more
from publisher

Read 3/29/12 - 4/3/12
4 Stars - Strongly Recommended to readers who enjoy the humdrum of the everyday
88 pages (eBook/PDF)
Publisher: Lazy Fascist Press

We've all been there, unless we were born with a silver spoon in our mouths. Whether it was your first job or an in-between pocket-filler as you attempted to sort your shitty life out... I'm talking about those grueling, humiliating, horrendously mind numbing minimum wage positions we suddenly found ourselves in.

Mine was a part time po...more
Katherine Snedden
"Organizing the candy aisle with Billy, you realize suicide is not an option. Because the only way would be to try and bang your skull against the tile floor hard enough. Only what would happen is, after one good bang you'd become disoriented and then get arrested and institutionalized. And then, with the eventual granting of a little personal freedom, you'd only be able to get the same type of job, where one day you'd be asked to organize a candy aisle."
Sam Pink is pretty good. He makes acutely interesting observations about the everyday in ways that most writers don't. Here, however, he doesn't do much to unify those observations with any real thematic glue other than the loneliness and ennui of being consciously average and unremarkable. I may or may not read Person next, but from what I've heard, it seems as though Sam Pink keeps writing the same novel over and over again, only instead of drastically changing certain story elements or tone (...more
You live in Chicago. You have been dumped by your girlfriend. She has left you with an empty apartment. You have a job similar to that of a stock clerk at Target. You don't really have any friends, and spend much of your time alone, or with your ex-girlfriend who keeps popping up randomly, or engaging in meaningless yet amusing conversations with co-workers, or buying a child's mattress so you have something to sleep on. This is your life. Enjoy.

Pink has an uncanny knack for making the everyday...more
Dan Kuhs
I'm not a writer, so it's difficult for me to criticize a book when I've written nothing more than a Facebook post that people actually find funny.

This is the second book that I've read from Sam Pink, but I didn't like either one of them. I gave it three stars because I respect the urge to create something totally different, but I couldn't help but to feel that this book was written in this style because the author couldn't resist the urge to use the word "you." The style isn't for me, but I can...more
You know, Sam Pink really is a hell of a writer. Not sure how I feel about his public personality, though I'm very much disinclined to judge. So what if he's not my favorite interviewee on Other People? I said it already and the only thing that should matter is when talking about his work is that he's a hell of a writer. That's all. And he is.
It was good.
Ok. I've been feeling like a person lately. I've read two of Sam Pink's books (Person and The No Hellos Diet) back to back, in two days. I read on his blog that he has 'given up writing.' That's really sad. I've never encountered a voice like his before, and I really hope he doesn't stick by this decision.
Arrebatadoramente franco.
Jan 09, 2013 M. rated it 4 of 5 stars
Shelves: 2012, fiction
I can't remember, but is this the one where the protagonist works in the warehouse of a department store? Or is that Person? I don't know, I read this and Person basically three days apart so they're kind of melding together in my head. They're both really hilarious though.
I don't even know how to describe this book except the guy it is about, I kind of want to give him a hug, but I kind of don't.
Jesus Moses
This is the best book I've read so far in my life. And I've read other books too. This is much better than those other ones.
Sam Pink is weird and I like it. Experience humanity in all its idiosyncratic, mundane glory. In second person.
This book made me want to get a job somewhere similar to Target, so I could have a friend nicknamed Sour Cream.
Joseph Kirkham
A disturbing and all too accurate portrayal of life in retail, a life I know all too well.
Leah Rials
liked this a lot but lots of problematic stereotypes that i could have done without
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Sam Pink is the author of The No Hellos Diet, Hurt Others, I Am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It, Frowns Need Friends Too, and the cult hit Person. His writing has been published widely in print and on the internet, and also in other languages. He lives in Chicago, where he plays in the band Depressed Woman.
More about Sam Pink...
Person Rontel Hurt Others I am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It YOU HEAR AMBULANCE SOUNDS AND THINK THEY ARE FOR YOU

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