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The 5 Love Languages of Children

4.21 of 5 stars 4.21 · rating details · 5,526 ratings · 790 reviews

Does your child speak a different language? Sometimes they wager for your attention, and other times they ignore you completely. Sometimes they are filled with gratitude and affection, and other times they seem totally indifferent. Attitude. Behavior. Development. Everything depends on the love relationship between you and your child. When children feel loved, they do thei...more

Paperback, 224 pages

Published January 20th 2012 by Moody Publishers (first published May 28th 1995)

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Feb 21, 2008 Rachael rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: A Must Read For All Parents

Shelves: raising-children, must-read

I think this book is fascinating! I've noticed that my children, my spouse and I all have a love language that relates to them. The love language is your preferred way of giving & receiving love. What I loved most about this book is the knowledge that when you discipline a child in their love language it cuts really deep. For example, my daughter is a words of affirmation child, and when I correct her actions, she shuts down (even when I do it in the nicest way 'we can't touch that sweetie')...more

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Aug 20, 2008 Tiffany rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: anyone, but especially parents

Shelves: non-fiction

My oldest child is much like me, but my second felt so different! But for the first time I'm understanding him, and this book may be the difference between a close relationship with him during these formative years, and a distant one.

This is the best parenting book I've read. In a nutshell: everyone shows love and desires love in return, but we do it in different ways. Those "ways" are called languages, and are condensed into five types. Receiving love in YOUR language fills your love tank. Kids...more

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Oct 08, 2007 Rock Rockwell rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: counseling, family

Now that you know my love language, will you use it against me? Seriously, compartamentalizing love into five expressions is a bit limited. To some it may help to understand why those "special" people don't meet our expectations, and how to accept their love expression (even though it may not mean much to my love language receptor). I was one of the unusual ones that couldn't figure out my love language... sort of like those personality/gift tests (dinc) that put me in the "I don't know" range....more

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Mar 19, 2009 Sueij rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

The authors expound on their theory that there are five different ways that people express and experience love: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and acts of service. By the time kids are five or so, they say, the kids have started to have a preference (before then children just need love in all the languages all the time). Knowing your child's love language can help you to be sure that they know that you love them, which leads to all kinds of good things they'd like to t...more

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Apr 02, 2013 James rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: children, parenting

In the Evangelical tribe I grew up in, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman provided the idiom to talk about how each us receive and give love. Because of our unique personalities and family of origin, we each have modes of expressing love which is particularly meaningful to us. For some it words of affirmation. Others feel particularly loved when you spend quality time with them. Giving and receiving gifts is another ‘love language.’ Others feel loved through physical touch or acts of servic...more In the Evangelical tribe I grew up in, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman provided the idiom to talk about how each us receive and give love. Because of our unique personalities and family of origin, we each have modes of expressing love which is particularly meaningful to us. For some it words of affirmation. Others feel particularly loved when you spend quality time with them. Giving and receiving gifts is another ‘love language.’ Others feel loved through physical touch or acts of service. My love language is gift giving (so keep them coming ;P ). Chapman’s original book has helped countless people understand their own love needs and how to best express love to their mates (and other loved ones) whose ‘love language is often different from their own.

I don't typically read ‘spin-off’ books. The fact that there is a Love Language book for singles, men, children, teenagers etc, seems a little too much like “Chicken Soup for the Cat-Lover’s Soul.” It is more of a marketing ploy than something you expect to say something new. But then I am the father of three very different children and thought that The 5 Love Languages of Children would provide me with some insights on how to love my children well. I was pleasantly surprised by what I read inside. This is a great book.

While Gary Chapman and his co-author, Ross Campbell, M.D., say that it is impossible to identify a primary love language for kids under the age of five, and warns that love languages can change at various stages, I gained some appreciation for the uniqueness of my three year old needs and some understanding of my five year old. My two-year-old son is still a mystery.

Chapman and Campbell devote the first half of this book to describing the five love languages and how to recognize them in your children. In the last half of the book they describe how to discipline children, foster learning and help children manage their anger by responding to them in ways which ‘fill their love language’ when we give direction or correction. They also discuss some of the unique challenges of responding to a child’s love language for single-parent families and how modelling love languages in marriage helps your children.

This is a quick read with a lot of insight. Every involved parent loves their children (hopefully!); however not every child feels their parent’s love. This book helps parents understand their children and offers sage advice on how to nurture them in love. My oldest daughter seems to have a primary love language of Quality Time and loves it when you spend time with her. My almost four year old, I would guess has a preference for acts of service. She loves it when you do things for her in a way that her independent older sister never did. This helps me respond with greater patience when she has me help her with something she is quite capable of. And of course Chapman and Campbell also encourage parents to nurture your children to express each of the love languages to others.

But the most important chapters for me would be the chapters on discipline, learning and managing anger. My kids are unique with different personalities and I have learned that what works with one kid will not work with the others. Certainly there is a lot I still need to discover about my children but like the original Love Languages book, this gives me some words to talk about it.

I recommend this book to parents. It may be a spin-off but it delievers the goods. I give this book four stars. : ★★★★☆

Thank you to Moody Publishers for providing me a copy of this book in exchange for this fair and honest review.(less)

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Mar 30, 2013 midnightfaerie rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: nonfiction

The five love languages has had much acclaim for the use in parenting children as well in the aiding of marriages. I found the book slightly interesting, mildly helpful, and downright obvious in spots. While understanding the different love languages a person can have: Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch, can move you worlds closer to getting along with someone, it doesn't necessarily always bridge the gap of personality comprehension. For chi...more

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Mar 19, 2013 Ann Waters added it · review of another edition

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Feb 11, 2013 Mary-ann rated it 5 of 5 stars

This outstanding book addresses how each child expresses and receives love through one of five main "languages" - quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. Although children need to be spoken to in each of these love languages, there's one love language that meets their deepest emotional needs and should be used often with them. Once we figure out what our children's primary love language is, we will be able to better understand their personal communication m...more

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Jun 11, 2012 Jenny rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Our children know that we love them, right? We hope so, but not everyone perceives and receives and shows love in the same manner. This book details 5 ways we perceive love: physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, and acts of service. Each of us has a predominant love language by which we most feel loved. Learn how to speak your child's (or spouse's) primary language, and experience a transformation in your relationship with that person. After detailing each love language in r...more

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May 11, 2012 Stephanie Burkhart rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

The Five Love Languages for Children is a book that will help parents better understand what motivates their kids and how to keep them happy.
There are five topics which everyone understands: physical touch, words of affirmation, giving gifts, acts of service, and quality time. Chapman and Campbell talk a little about each language and how they make us feel.

Chapman and Campbell have a writing style that is easy to read and engages the reader with it's conversational style. They use several scenar...more

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May 09, 2012 Shannon rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I don't think there is any way to explain how each human being on this planet feels and expresses love, though I am of the opinion that the Love Languages books do a very good job of putting the very complex topic of love and its coexisting emotions into a book that most anyone could take something positive away from for application in their own relationships. I absolutely loved The 5 Love Languages, so I assumed that this book would be similarly amazing. It wasn't.

The 5 Love Languages of Child...more

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Apr 13, 2012 Jennifer Wedemeyer rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: books-i-m-reviewing

Immediately, I realized that I wasn't meeting each of my children's individual love need. I thought my son's main love language was physical touch but it's also words of affirmation. This is so obvious in that he is always touching, always wrestling, and always in your personal space and now that I realize it he's also always asking if everything is ok, did he do this ok, am I all right and he is so happy after receiving positive words of affirmation from myself and my husband. After reading Gar...more

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Apr 09, 2012 Melanie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: child-development, discipline

Just as adults show love differently, so do children. We learned in Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages that it is crucial to notice how each of our partners in marriage shows love and what language of the 5 speaks most love to them. The same is true for children. In this book Mr. Chapman teams up with Ross Campbell to focus on children.
In this book you will
*Discover your child’s love language
*Understand the link between successful learning and the love languages
*See how the love languages c...more

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Apr 08, 2012 Kathleen (Kat) Smith rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: children-s-books, christian-living, christian-parenting-resource, christian-self-help, non-fiction, religion, self-help

We all understand the importance of loving our children and showing them how much they are loved, but did you know that there are ways of showing our children love that really speak volumes to them and their heart? It's true, just like there are languages that speak to the adult hearts, our children have different needs that show them that we truly love them. Each has a unique language that speaks love to them.

This is why often times we may bend over backwards as a parent and our children still...more We all understand the importance of loving our children and showing them how much they are loved, but did you know that there are ways of showing our children love that really speak volumes to them and their heart? It's true, just like there are languages that speak to the adult hearts, our children have different needs that show them that we truly love them. Each has a unique language that speaks love to them.

This is why often times we may bend over backwards as a parent and our children still look at us, telling us that they desperately need to feel our love. What is happening is that we aren't speaking the same languages that they need. There are 5 love languages that speak to our children and sometimes there is a combination that works well for our kids. Some love Words of Affirmation, being told what a great job they are doing, how much we love and care for them, acknowledgement that we see what they are doing and praising them. While for yet other children, Acts of Service, speaks to their hearts, such as doing kind deeds for them, taking them to lunch, or a ball game, just spending time with them, and yet another is Physical Touch. These are the children who thrive on hugs and kisses and touch instead of words or actions by us.

Authors Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell have collaborated to help parents speak the language of love our children so desperately need to hear in their book, The 5 Love Languages of Children. In this book not only do they break down each of these in detail, but it also includes a game to help both parents and children understand what works well for them. This way we can speak love to our children without being frustrated on both ends. It can also help us discipline our children more effectively when it needs to be addressed. This is a must read for anyone who deals with children, whether it be parents, grandparents and even child care givers or teachers!

I received this book compliments of Propeller and Northfield Publishing for my honest review and learning so much about the love languages when it comes to adults, this seemed a natural for me to read as a parent. So many times with multiple children we try not to appear to favor one child over the other but often times find our actions frustrating when they don't respond as we would hope. This book really helps to identify what works for each child. I rate this one a 5 out of 5 stars and seeing it benefiting even teachers who may be frustrated in reaching children who are struggling with learning. This book speak volumes to the hearts of our children. (less)

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Mar 30, 2012 Susan rated it 4 of 5 stars

Once again Gary Chapman has come up with a wonderful way to look at the love languages of the people we care about. The 5 Love Languages of Children is one of the newest additions to the 5 Love Languages library of books and resources.
I loved being able to read through the stories and see how my "language" with each of my children can encourage or discourage them. I went through the suggestions at the end of each love language to see what I can do on a daily basis to show my love to each of my k...more

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Jul 25, 2011 Molly rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: parenthood

I appreciate the aims of this book. My biggest worry as a parent--or rather, ONE of my many biggest--is that my daughter will not feel sufficiently loved/appreciated/proud of/etc. Love was a complicated and fraught thing in my home growing up, which has led me to be overly-concerned and ready to consume the books offered at the library in hopes of not missing out.

This is another one of those books that could have been covered in a nice article rather than a lengthy book and the elaborations seem...more

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May 25, 2011 Rose rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: anyone who has interdependent relationships with people

I think the book shared some interesting insights. I'm conflicted with there just being five "love languages". I see the five displayed and being interwoven daily in each of my four children. I think to understand the general concept is fine, but real mommies and daddies know that each of children will run through each of these needs during their time as children. Let's not stop there, that applies to all people. I may need just a hug or a hand on my shoulder and still also need an act of servic...more

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Oct 31, 2009 Ashley FL rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I took a class that used this book and at the time, thought it was fabulous and brilliant and insightful. My kids were really young and I couldn't wait for them to be old enough to try this all out on them.

I just went back and re-read it, and this time found it interesting and somewhat helpful but lacking in concrete ways to determine love languages in children. It would have helped to have more examples of the "either/or" questions, for example. I was reading it specifically for help with one c...more

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Feb 19, 2012 Amy rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2012

I will be trying to utilize the idea of making sure I show/express my love for those I care about in a way that they can appreciate, however, some of the examples used were REALLY over the top corny. To the point that I seriously doubt that these are real conversations or situations. Also, the section on discipline wasn't really all that helpful. I'm only dealing with an 18month old, so fortunately we don't have any big discipline issues at this point, however, for someone who IS having problems...more

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May 08, 2013 Gilmara Mendes rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I bet most people never pay much attention to what kind of love they like to receive from their loved ones, let alone give love, once they don`t know what their loved ones like.
Life is so busy that we don`t usually pay the proper attention to our children, let alone, give them the kind of love they deserve and need to fill their love tank.
This books presents an interesting approach to love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gifts and acts of service. I first learned a...more

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Jun 12, 2012 Cliff rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Like any other type of advice book, this book is obviously no panacea, but it does offer some pointed and essential insight into children and our interactions with them as parents. I felt that the discipline sections in the second half of the book were almost more valuable than the outline of the five love languages in the front half.

Some may complain that the book inappropriately categorizes and fails to account for the nuanced complexity of children, psychology, and interpersonal family relati...more

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Jul 28, 2011 Adriane Devries rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: parenting

As parents, it is our duty alone to discern which love language (physical touch, quality time, gift, acts of service, and words of affirmation) is best suited to each of our children. Though we of course love our children, how we communicate this love is not necessarily how they receive it, and therefore our language may go unheard, leaving their “love tank” empty. Learning these new languages will take work and discomfort, but worth the effort to enable them to mature in their ability to learn...more

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May 19, 2011 Sarah rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: self-improvement-parenting

I am really torn over what I thought of this book. While I like the concepts and I think it had valuable information I had a hard time with it. For some reason I couldn't get into the writing style. I constantly found my mind wandering and having to go back and re-read portions. The last several parenting books that I have read have been very readable so I found this hard to reconcile.

For the most part I felt like the "love languages" were well explained but in the later chapters when examples...more I am really torn over what I thought of this book. While I like the concepts and I think it had valuable information I had a hard time with it. For some reason I couldn't get into the writing style. I constantly found my mind wandering and having to go back and re-read portions. The last several parenting books that I have read have been very readable so I found this hard to reconcile.

For the most part I felt like the "love languages" were well explained but in the later chapters when examples are given of putting it into action the authors would say things like: speak their love language and then introduce the discipline and then speak their love language to end the conversation. The problem I have with this is what if their love language is "gifts" or "acts of service"? You give them a gift discipline them and then give them another gift? Sew a button on their shirt discipline them and then help them clean their room? It didn't make sense to me.

My other big hang up was that the book began by saying that it's hard to determine the love language of children 5 and under. My oldest is 5. I didn't feel like this book applied to my family. Most of the examples sounded like conversations with teenagers, and yet their is another book titled "The Five Love Languages of Teenagers". I feel like I would have gotten more out of reading the book about couples and then applying some of what I read to the rest of my family.

All of this being said I still put the book on CD on hold at the library for my brother because I think it would be beneficial for him with his 9 and 11 year-old (and possibly the 7 year old too). It did bring a few tears to my eyes when I thought back to my childhood and realized why I never really felt loved by my parents because they have never spoken my love language to me. I KNOW that they love me and reading this helped me forgive them for some lingering feelings I have. After all they have no idea why I would not feel loved, they did their best.

This is getting really long. I could say more but I think you get the general idea. Valuable information, didn't love the writing.(less)

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Nov 20, 2012 Kelly rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I don't like this book very much. Gary Chapman co-wrote this book with someone named Ross Campbell, and I have the impression (perhaps the wrong impression) that they are Campbell's parts of the the book that are giving me trouble. Love languages--good. But I have the constant feeling while reading this book that while they are giving with one hand, they are taking everything away with the other. This makes me feel like the love stuff is rather wishy-washy, and the discipline stuff is entirely c...more

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Apr 14, 2012 Vera Godley rated it 4 of 5 stars

People are different in each and every aspect of their being. And children are people. They are not "little adults" and they are not a different species. And every has needs - children, young adults, adults. And one of those very real needs is to be loved and to experience love.

About the book: To be their best, children need to feel loved. But if you and your child speak different love languages, your affection might get lost in translation, affecting the child’s attitude, behavior, and developm...more

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Jan 28, 2010 Karen rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: book-club

I am a blue, type - A, ESTJ, who likes to be shown love through quality time, and likes long walks on the beach and....WAIT, no I'm not. I'm Karen, a girl with lots of personality quirks, one of which is that I dislike pop psychology books that tell me I and everyone else fits into one of their created, ficticious descriptions. I have to admit, I didn't even finish this book (I did read almost all of it though). Probably most of us are familiar with the five love languages, they have enjoyed bei...more

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Oct 12, 2009 Rachel rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book argues that all people feel love in five basic ways, but we each have a primary love language. The best way to make your children feel loved, then, is to figure out what their primary love language is, and give them lots of that, plus regular doses of the other kinds. Obviously this applies to spouses, parents, and anyone else you love too, but this book is mainly about the parent/child relationship. I may decide this book deserves 4 stars after I've had some more time to think about i...more

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Jun 03, 2012 Andrea rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

[This review also appears on Blogger at Andi's Books for Parents & Teachers.]

At my previous teaching job, ten years ago, my boss was always asking me if I knew what each child's love language was. I had no idea what she was talking about at first. Then, she finally told me about a book called The 5 Love Languages of Children. It was originally published in 1997, which would have been the edition to which she was referring. In 2005 it was updated; now it has been updated yet again in 2012.

Eve...more [This review also appears on Blogger at Andi's Books for Parents & Teachers.]

At my previous teaching job, ten years ago, my boss was always asking me if I knew what each child's love language was. I had no idea what she was talking about at first. Then, she finally told me about a book called The 5 Love Languages of Children. It was originally published in 1997, which would have been the edition to which she was referring. In 2005 it was updated; now it has been updated yet again in 2012.

Every child has a particular way in which he demonstrates or best accepts love. Some children respond best to that physical touch. They like to be hugged and kissed or even to have a backrub. Others thrive on "words of affirmation." They want to be told all the time what a good job they are doing, to be encouraged. Some just want to spend quality time with their parents. Some prefer gifts. And finally, some demonstrate love the best through acts of service. Each child's emotional needs are going to manifest in a different way. This book is a guide for parents to figure out what the child's needs are and how to satisfy them.

Each love language is given its own chapter for definition and includes ways to fulfill that emotional need without going overboard and having the opposite effect. Real stories of real children and adults provide examples as to how these needs can manifest. The author also points out how different it can be from when a child is in preschool to when she is a teenager.

Advice on how to discipline and educate children based on their love languages also makes up a couple of chapters. These parts in particular can help educators as they work with a variety of children. So many children in classrooms have so many different needs today. Sometimes they just aren't getting what they need at home and look to receive it at school. Teachers who are familiar with the 5 love languages can help to also educate parents as to how best help their children.

At the end of the book are resources for more information. There is also an exercise known as the Love Language Game, adapted for each age group. Groups of parents and teachers may wish to utlilize the discussion guide at the end of the book to strategize for different children.

The information in this book is familiar to me, as I have implemented the ideas for several years in my classroom. It felt good to finally read the book that explains all of it, as a sort of refresher course. I would recommend it to parents and educators.(less)

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Sep 20, 2011 Isabel rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: parenting

Hmm. This was a pretty good book, but it seemed a little phony in parts. The imagined dialogues were absurdly simple. The discussion of single parenting was lacking. In a way, I think the whole book was pretty simplistic, but...

I got something out of it, and that makes it worth reading. Regardless of whether you ascertain anyone's particular "love language," I think the idea of expressing your love for others in more than one way is pretty important. I appreciated the examples because they offer...more

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Apr 09, 2012 Maureen Timerman rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012

This is a must have book for all parents. Each child, as we all know, is different. This book is a good reminder of the ways we show our Children "Love". It is not the same for each Child in the family. There are some really good examples shown in the book, and it is a good reminder.
Sometimes we try so hard to be doing the right things and we fail to understand that we need to do things differently. I recommend reading this book for some great insights, and applying them in real life!

“Disclosu...more

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About Gary Chapman

Gary Chapman has traveled extensively around the world challenging couples to pursue healthy, growing marriages. His first book, Toward a Growing Marriage (Moody, 1979, 1996), began as an informal resource he gave to couples with whom he was counseling. Once officially published, this book became a blessing to thousands of people and helped launch Gary’s popular “Toward a Growing Marriage” seminar...more

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Books by Gary Chapman

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

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