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Care of Wooden Floors

3.33 of 5 stars 3.33 · rating details · 609 ratings · 184 reviews

A bold and brilliant debut from a darkly funny new voice. Oskar is a minimalist composer best known for a piece called Variations on Tram Timetables. He is married to a Californian art dealer named Laura and he lives with two cats, named after Russian composers, in an Eastern European city. But this book isn't really about Oskar. Oskar is in Los Angeles, having his marriag...more

Hardcover, 295 pages

Published February 2nd 2012 by Harper Press

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Aug 30, 2012 Shannon (Giraffe Days) rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2012, fiction

Will Wiles' debut novel finds our unnamed narrator arriving in an unnamed Eastern European city to house-sit for his friend Oskar, a talented composer and serious neat freak whom the narrator befriended - or was befriended by - during their days at university in England. Oskar has left for Los Angeles and divorce proceedings started by his American wife, Laura. His flat is ultra-modern, minimalist, aesthetically cold, and expensively renovated; in particular, Oskar is obsessed with the floors. H...more

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Jan 02, 2013 Petra X rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction, 2013-reviews, humour

First review of the year! (But I finished it last Feb.)

This is the house that the everything-in-its-place Oskar built
These are the two cats that Oskar loves obsessively
This is the wooden floor that Oskar is anal about
This is the confetti of the endless, detailed, obsessive, anal, neat-freak notes that Oskar has left simply everywhere.

But Oskar is not there. He is in the US getting divorced.

A friend, not a close friend, is looking after this model apartment because it's a free place to stay whils...more

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Apr 20, 2013 Holliekins rated it 1 of 5 stars

I liked the quirky, different premise of this book and it started in a promising way with an interesting style of writing full of imagery, but it soon became a predictable, farcical black comedy and reminded me of an extreme Mr Bean style episode.

The nameless narrator is sent to a mystery Eastern European city to look after Oskar, his old University friend’s flat while he is in LA sorting out the details of his divorce. Oskar is a composer and a cleanliness and tidiness freak, with his flat full...more

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Apr 01, 2013 LiA rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: review-nd

Unverbindlich unterhaltsam, ohne Tiefgang, aber schön geschrieben, schräg, originell und im urban-coolen Lifestyle der 2010er Jahre verwurzelt, so kommt er daher: der Debütroman des britischen Designjournalisten Will Wiles mit dem ungewöhnlichen Titel »Die nachhaltige Pflege von Holzböden«. Nachdem sich »Der Hundertjährige, der aus dem Fenster stieg und verschwand« für den Bertelsmann-Ableger Carl's Books überraschend als Bestseller entpuppte, will man mit britischem Humor nun den Anschlusstreff...more Unverbindlich unterhaltsam, ohne Tiefgang, aber schön geschrieben, schräg, originell und im urban-coolen Lifestyle der 2010er Jahre verwurzelt, so kommt er daher: der Debütroman des britischen Designjournalisten Will Wiles mit dem ungewöhnlichen Titel »Die nachhaltige Pflege von Holzböden«. Nachdem sich »Der Hundertjährige, der aus dem Fenster stieg und verschwand« für den Bertelsmann-Ableger Carl's Books überraschend als Bestseller entpuppte, will man mit britischem Humor nun den Anschlusstreffer landen. Das könnte gelingen. Skurril genug ist die Geschichte.
Oskar, der berühmte Musiker, muss nach Los Angeles, wo seine kalifornisch-gesundheitsbesessene Frau Laura die Scheidung eingereicht hat. Besessen ist auch Oskar. Unordnung, Schmutz, Chaos kann er nicht ab. In der Uni nannten sie ihn »Untersetzer-Oskar«. Also vertraut er seine ultraelegante, mit reinstem Holz ausgelegte, durchgestylte Wohnung in einem (ungenannten) osteuropäischen Land seinem (namenlosen) englischen Freund aus College-Zeiten an. Außerdem seine zwei Katzen namens Schossy und Strawy. Der eher lethargische, semi-frustrierte Londoner, im Hauptberuf Verfasser von Infobroschüren für die Stadtverwaltung, ist für diesen ihm aufgenötigten Ausbruch aus dem tristen Alltag dankbar. Vielleicht, so grübelt er kurz, hat der zauberhafte Oskar, der niemandem etwas zutraut und ihn für eine Obernull hält, doch einmal Vertrauen in ihn? Allerdings lassen die überall in der Wohnung versteckten Zettel mit Anweisungen, was zu tun sei im Fall x, y oder z, eher das Gegenteil vermuten ...
Wenig überraschend geht natürlich dennoch etliches schief: Ein kleiner Fleck auf dem Holz löst eine Lawine von nutzlosen Reinigungs- oder Verbergungsaktionen aus, ein Mensch kommt zu Tode, und auch eine Katze. Nichts funktioniert mehr. Und doch verharrt der Freund aus London ganz im Stil der modernen Moderne in seinem Phlegma. Weil auch übertriebene Hektik ja nichts mehr ändern würde.
Kann man also das dennoch überraschende Ende des Romans als happy end bezeichnen? Diese Frage muss hier leider unbeantwortet bleiben. Am besten, Sie lesen selbst.
[Review refers to the German edition, "Die nachhaltige Pflege von Holzböden", Carl's Books, 2013](less)

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Dec 03, 2012 April rated it 4 of 5 stars

When is the last time you read a book where you couldn't predict the plot? Will Wiles' debut novel, Care of Wooden Floors is quirky and immensely enjoyable. Maybe I am just neurotic, but Wiles' neurotic self-as-own-worst-enemy semi-loser who is guesting in his obsessive Eastern European friend Oskar's flat, really spoke to me. I, too, have had those moments where I think, "It can't get any worse," and then it does. Don't get me wrong; this is not a depressing book, but a hilarious one with a gre...more

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Dec 02, 2012 Elly rated it 3 of 5 stars

'Care of Wooden Floors' was an enjoyable read with a clear story arc, although much of its appeal lay in a certain 'car crash' quality to the tale. The plot starts slowly, but as the pace picks up the main character's situation plummets, careering wildly around corners with each successive plot twist. Schadenfreude is a word which very much comes to mind here - much of my pleasure in the novel was found in Wiles' darkly comic humour and I lost count of the number of times I found myself chucklin...more

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Dec 01, 2012 Derby Jones rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. A English "author" of flyers, and community service announcements, agrees to housesit an old college friend's apartment. Oskar is a brilliant composer, and a perfectionist, and his apartment reflects his passion for order and expensive, minimalist beauty, and has left a series of notes for his friend, minutely instructing him on the care of his flat. The trouble begins with a red wine stain on the gleaming wooden floors, and escalates in surprising and ultimately disturbing ways. While Oskar is...more A English "author" of flyers, and community service announcements, agrees to housesit an old college friend's apartment. Oskar is a brilliant composer, and a perfectionist, and his apartment reflects his passion for order and expensive, minimalist beauty, and has left a series of notes for his friend, minutely instructing him on the care of his flat. The trouble begins with a red wine stain on the gleaming wooden floors, and escalates in surprising and ultimately disturbing ways. While Oskar is incredibly irritating with his fussy little notes left all over the house, even under the floor, found when the hapless narrator prizes up the boards to try to hide the damage he's done, the narrator is incredibly careless, downing quantities of red wine, getting pukingly, black-out incurring drunk, and leaves a trail of destruction in his wake, starting with that small wine stain and ultimately leading to the death of the buildings caretaker. Star Trek wrap-up, Oskar calls, knows all, had actually designed this as a test of whether anyone other than he could live in his flat, according to his rules, or whether he had created a paradise that only he could inhabit, as his wife charged. To use the narrator for this test seems to be not a fair test, or even a test at all, but never mind that now. All is forgiven, Oskar will pay for all the damage, sell the flat and move to LA to live with his wife, Laura, instead of divorcing her as originally planned. Narrator hops on a plane for home, feeling marvelously free. Wiles is a very funny writer, and I enjoyed the book up until the death of the housekeeper/caretaker during a scuffle with the protagonist. Not his fault, but he makes no attempt to resuscitate, or summon help (he is in a strange Eastern European city, doesn't speak the language, etc, etc, but still, she's dead!) and his major concern is that he not be connected with her death. Any tears he sheds seem to be of self-pity, not grief. This thread is left as it is, the narrator escapes presumably before the body is found in her apartment, where he has dragged it, he never tells Oskar, and doesn't appear to give it another thought. While Oskar appears to have learned something from the experiment, to his good and the good of his marriage, has the narrator? I guess this is my ultimate dissatisfaction with the book. I think if you are going to kill someone for the purposes of your story, you need to deal with the seriousness of it, this might have been a great time for the narrator to break out of his red-wine soaked self-absorption and taken some responsibility…. (less)

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Oct 30, 2012 Tony rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: novels

Debut novelist Wiles has managed to pull off a neat trick -- a thriller in which the antagonist is a wooden floor. The protagnoist is a nameless freelance writer living a drab London life, cranking out pamphlets about recycling for local councils. When his old college dormmate Oskar asks him to flatsit for him in an unnamed Eastern European city, he leaps at the opportunity to do some proper, distraction-free writing. Oskar is a fastidious fussbudget, so it comes as little surprise when the writ...more

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Oct 30, 2012 Cindy rated it 5 of 5 stars

When I read the description of Care Of Wooden Floors, I knew I would enjoy it. Being a Kafka and Poe fan and loving a dark little tale, this book did not disappoint. The first third or so intriqued me and then the second half had me reading and reading to find out what ultimately happens at the end. I couldn't put it down, I tried, but I was obsessed. I had a horrible headache, was tired, and still I kept reading.

I enjoyed this book. It was like a voyeuristic view into someone's life when things...more When I read the description of Care Of Wooden Floors, I knew I would enjoy it. Being a Kafka and Poe fan and loving a dark little tale, this book did not disappoint. The first third or so intriqued me and then the second half had me reading and reading to find out what ultimately happens at the end. I couldn't put it down, I tried, but I was obsessed. I had a horrible headache, was tired, and still I kept reading.

I enjoyed this book. It was like a voyeuristic view into someone's life when things go horribly wrong. Oskar is a musician and he is also a controlling, neat-freak. He has an old college friend, who remains nameless in this account, who he beckons to watch over his flat and cats while he takes a trip to LA. The country Oskar lives in seems to be an old Soviet stomping ground and the flat is simple but elegantly decorated. Its flooring is very expensive and expands the entire flat.

When Oskar's friend arrives, he hopes to get down to some serious creativity and have a sort of rebirth with his writing. Oskar has always been a sort of over achiever in life and his friend, quite the opposite. The friend who watches the flat comes from London, and his life is filled with his own imperfections and flaws. He has always been in a kind of awe that Oskar is his friend, being the perfect human that Oskar strives to be. The housesitter isn't the only one, Oskar seems to be the envy of others as well, because isn't success and perfection what people strive for?

Once at the flat, as he tries to settle in, the housesitter begins to find notes. They are in books, cd cases, in drawers and elsewhere. They instruct him as to where supplies are and what needs to be done and in general contain comments about what the friend may be doing inside the flat. It's quite puzzling to the housesitter. How would Oskar know which CD he would play, or which book he would pick up? And are there thousands of such notes tucked everywhere around the apartment?

The book also goes back in time and touches upon Oskar's and the sitter's relationship throughout the years. It studies their agreements and disagreements and their relationships with other people. It seems as though the housesitter can never quite pinpoint why he is Oskar's friend in the first place, though he seems proud to have a friend who has planned out his life and goes after what he wants and actually realizes what he wants and attempts to conquer it. The sitter has kind of bobbed around like a cork.

The wooden floors in the flat are to be watched over. They are perfect. The sitter drawn to the supply of wine Oskar has stored begins to make some serious mistakes as far as spilling goes, and then there are the cats. The cats have strict rules as well. They are to stay in the bedroom, go out at night and have certain feeding times. It's not that hard, but with Oskar's perfection nagging at him, the sitter begins to make a sort of comedy of errors and he takes the reader along for the ride. It reminded me, vaguely, of when I use my husband's car. It's like if you drink something somewhere you are not supposed to: there is a 99.5 percent chance that you'll spill, the .5 percent that you don't, is pure luck.

I felt that this book could have been entirely depressing if it had not been for the spirit and optimism of the housesitter and the talents of Will Wiles. Though life does become a sort of desparate challenge in the story, all hope is never lost.

With the omniscient narrative throughout the book, we are not left out of any detail. While I found the detail interesting, others may not. This book is a sort of psychological study that unearths some interesting truths that you'll have to read the book to find out, but I found the effects of reading it, lingering. For me, this was a really good read. This writer is very talented and I hope this is the beginning of many books to come. (less)

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Jun 22, 2012 Beatnik Mary rated it 3 of 5 stars

http://www.cozylittlebookjournal.com/...

Our unnamed narrator in an unnamed Eastern European city has agreed to take on what should be a simple task: house-sit an apartment and two cats while his friend Oskar is away in L.A. taking care of his divorce settlement. Easy, right? Unfortunately, Oskar is anything but easygoing. He has left a frenzy of ultra-specific notes all around the apartment, detailing how to care for everything in sight (right down to the CD player) and giving stern warnings (th...more

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Mar 14, 2012 Heather Noble rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book has many adjectives, similes, metaphors, personifications and probably many other literary devices or conceits I have failed to notice or recognise. (Check Oxford Dictionary of literary terms). It's short on plot and characterisation and yet it is strangely and irritatingly compelling and tense.
The first person self confessed chaotic narrator is unnamed, as is the East European city in which he agrees to look after the pristine flat of a perfectionist university friend who has flown to...more

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Jan 29, 2012 CuteBadger rated it 3 of 5 stars

A university friend of a perfectionist composer, Oskar, is invited to look after Oskar's flat in an unnamed East European city. But while Oskar likes everything clean and organised, the narrator (whose name we never find out) is rather more haphazard.

This is a book which will probably divide readers' opinions - those at the Oskar end of the organisational scale will hardly be able to bear what happens in the pristine flat, while those who identify with the narrator will grow impatient with Oskar...more

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Nov 11, 2011 James Smythe rated it 5 of 5 stars

Will Wiles, the author of Care of Wooden Floors, is the deputy-editor of Icon magazine. When I first read that the novel was being published, that fact led me toward assumptions: that it would be filled with beautiful objects and architecture, and descriptions of said items, and that these descriptions would form the bulk of the novel. What I didn’t necessarily expect was a character as incredibly strong as Oskar. And here’s the kicker: Oskar is only in the novel as a present character for a han...more Will Wiles, the author of Care of Wooden Floors, is the deputy-editor of Icon magazine. When I first read that the novel was being published, that fact led me toward assumptions: that it would be filled with beautiful objects and architecture, and descriptions of said items, and that these descriptions would form the bulk of the novel. What I didn’t necessarily expect was a character as incredibly strong as Oskar. And here’s the kicker: Oskar is only in the novel as a present character for a handful of pages.

Oskar’s not the narrator either. That’s an honour reserved for an unnamed chap, one of Oskar’s old university housemates - I think it would be unfair to call them friends, even if that’s a tag that they might place on their relationship - who is called into action when Oskar has to leave his flat and cats in order to visit LA and divorce his rather difficult-sounding wife. The narrator is asked to stay in the flat (situated in an unnamed European city, which has a market, some shops, an opera house and a tram system) and feed the cats, not play the piano (Oskar is a composer, fiddly and nervous-sounding), and let the cleaner clean. Oh, and the floors. He’s asked to watch the floors - which are polished and astonishing, almost clinically perfect - and ensure that they don’t suffer any damage.

It’s an almost sitcom-esque setup: take a character who is less-than fastidious and insert them into a situation where that single trait is all that’s required of them. And, like a sitcom, the inevitable happens: beginning with a spillage of only a few drops of wine, everything snowballs. It’s not so much a comedy-of-errors as a comedy-of-calamities, only - and this is utterly crucial - it’s dark. Like, really really dark. Sometimes, it’s so far away from comedy that it’s almost sinister, when the things that the narrator does to dig himself out of his hole shift towards the extreme. Everything shifts by chance; it’s never his fault (even though it’s almost always his fault). And that’s not even the darkest stuff in the book. That honour is reserved for Oskar.

Oskar’s primary presence comes in the form of notes, left for the narrator to help him out. They’re irritatingly worded, nagging and insistent, questioning when they should be trusting. They pick at anything that might be an actual friendship, and they’re so well-realised that they started to make me angry as I read it. The beauty of the narrator being so fallible - so real, so relatable through his human flaws - is that Oskar’s totally unrealistic expectations (which probably aren’t that unrealistic, until they’re voiced in such an obtuse way that you almost wilfully desire to trample over them) are brutally highlighted. Oskar speaks through his notes. That’s his voice. When you hear from him - in the memories of the narrator - it’s completely attached to the irritating, almost obfuscating voice of the notes. And he’s an astonishing character. He’s part of everything in the flat he owns, the city that the flat sits in. He’s part of every action that the narrator undertakes, and you can almost feel him there, breathing down the narrators neck. He’s brilliant.

As is the novel itself. It concerns itself with minutiae and yet deals in huge thematic motifs. It almost reminded me of Nicholson Baker’s wonderful The Mezzanine (a novel of details, set over a character’s hour-long lunchbreak) in the way it spins near-incidental and occasionally discrete events into memory and narrative. I’m reminded of the way that I felt when I read another stunning debut novel, David Vann’s Legend of a Suicide: that this is an author I’m going to be following for a long, long time. (less)

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Mar 29, 2013 Glimmerfee rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Wenn man Freunde auf die edlen Wohnung aufpassen lässt, dann sollte man seine Wahl nicht dem Zufall überlassen, denn das eine solche Entscheidung ins Auge gehen kann, erfährt Oskar am eigenen Leib.
Sein guter Freund schafft es gleich am ersten Abend einen Weinfleck auf dem wertvollen Holzfußboden zu hinterlassen und das ist nur der erste von zahlreichen Missgeschicken.

Dieser Roman wird als ultimativ humorvoll angepriesen, kommt aber mit einem sehr verstecktem Humor daher, der das genaue Lesen u...more Wenn man Freunde auf die edlen Wohnung aufpassen lässt, dann sollte man seine Wahl nicht dem Zufall überlassen, denn das eine solche Entscheidung ins Auge gehen kann, erfährt Oskar am eigenen Leib.
Sein guter Freund schafft es gleich am ersten Abend einen Weinfleck auf dem wertvollen Holzfußboden zu hinterlassen und das ist nur der erste von zahlreichen Missgeschicken.

Dieser Roman wird als ultimativ humorvoll angepriesen, kommt aber mit einem sehr verstecktem Humor daher, der das genaue Lesen und auch die richtige Lesestimmung erfordert. Der Humor ist britisch und rabenschwarz, aber was z.B. in dem Film ‚Ein Fisch namens Wanda‘ selbst Tierliebhaber zum Lachen bringt, kann in geschriebener Form leicht zu einer Tragödie verkommen. Wer auf ein ultimatives ‚Gute-Laune-Buch‘ hofft, wird sicher schnell enttäuscht sein, aber wer in dieses Buch abtaucht und ihm Zeit zur Entfaltung gibt, könnte von seinem Zauber eingefangen werden.
In diesem Buch geht es nicht nur um Holzböden, Katzen und Rotwein, sondern auch um eine Freundschaft zwischen zwei Männern, die sind wie Feuer & Eis. Oskar ist ordentlich, zielstrebig und perfektionistisch, während der unbenannte Ich-Erzähler nichts mit sich selbst anzufangen weiß. Beide Hauptpersonen sind keine Sympathieträger. Oskar so kühl wie ein Eisberg und der Ich-Erzähler ein uninteressanter Chaot. Beide in ihrer Art sehr direkt und herablassend. Dennoch vermag diese Mischung durchaus aufzugehen, so fern man sich davon verabschiedet die ‚Helden‘ der Geschichte ins Herz schließen zu wollen, oder sich mit ihnen zu identifizieren.
Das Buch ist ruhig und letztlich passiert auf der einen Seite sehr viel und auch sehr dramatisches, aber auf der anderen Seite passiert gar nichts. Wer keine ruhigen Romane mag, die vor sich hin plätschern wie ein Bach, ist hier falsch. Die Geschichte nimmt zu keiner Zeit wirklich Fahrt auf, oder brilliert mit Wortgefechten. Was den Leser durch die Seiten trägt ist ein sehr ausgefeilter und einfach schöner Erzählstil. Will Wiles vermag Situationen, Orte und Stimmungen mit wunderbaren Worten einzufangen und einen mit Beschreibungen zum Schmunzeln zu bringen.

Das Buch richtet sich an alle, die sich auf ein ruhiges Buch einlassen können, einen guten Schreibstil zu schätzen wissen und in Zwischentönen den Humor erkennen können. Katzen Fans und sensible Seelen sollten jedoch gewahr sein, dass Szenen in diesem Buch von einem rabenschwarzen Humor beseelt sind, die auch leicht als reine Tragödie gelesen werden können.

‚Die nachhaltige Pflege von Holzböden‘ ist sicher ein Buch, dass den richtigen Leser zur richtigen Zeit treffen muss. Es ist kein Werk, dass nicht jedem Leser gefallen wird und das durch den angepriesenen Humor schnell falsche Erwartungen weckt, die letztlich nur enttäuscht werden können.

Ich habe das Buch gern gelesen und hoffe auf weitere Werke des Autoren.
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Feb 24, 2013 Diane M Dickson rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I can't decide what this was, was it dark comedy - yes, was it farce, well almost certainly there were farcical events. It was more though than that. The prose was outstanding, really the best use of language that I have come across in a long time. The descriptive passages were wonderful, I could hear, smell and see the locations and the other scents and aromas!! The story made me cringe, groan, laugh occasionally but not a comfortable belly laugh more a snicker behind my hand with just a little...more

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Mar 20, 2013 Suzanne rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Dark humor meets slapstick in this interesting study of what happens when OCD and chaos collide. While I sympathize with Oskar's need for order and peace within his home, I could also sympathize with the narrator's reactions to the endless notes he discovers while house(flat)-sitting for his hard to please friend. The writing is beautiful - chock full of interesting similes and metaphors ("The day was broken, cracked down the middle like a paperback's spine), and quite a bit of macabre humor. I...more

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Nov 02, 2012 Cynthia rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: books-read-in-2012

JEEVES!

This book is hilarious! Some of Wiles’s humor dips into the slapstick but more in the sense of P.G. Wodehouse rather than the Three Stooges. “Care of Wooden Floors” is subtle, plot driven, and cleverly worded. There was one gag however, that was anything but funny. It was obvious and cruel and used merely for shock value. It doesn’t ruin the entire book but threatens to do so. Maybe I’m being too American.

The protagonist writes government pamphlets explaining such things as when and where...more JEEVES!

This book is hilarious! Some of Wiles’s humor dips into the slapstick but more in the sense of P.G. Wodehouse rather than the Three Stooges. “Care of Wooden Floors” is subtle, plot driven, and cleverly worded. There was one gag however, that was anything but funny. It was obvious and cruel and used merely for shock value. It doesn’t ruin the entire book but threatens to do so. Maybe I’m being too American.

The protagonist writes government pamphlets explaining such things as when and where his fellow British citizens are to throw out their garbage or where they can find and utilize local services, etc. He dreams of becoming a ‘real’ writer so he jumps at his old college friend’s invitation to apartment sit. Just think a quiet place to write for at least a week…maybe more. His friend Oskar is a composer and a neat nik. Our narrator is anything but. Chaos ensues. The apartment is immaculate and the place is strewn with helpful notes concerning its upkeep. Oscar meets Felix. Kaboom. It also doesn’t help that Oskar’s place is located in an unspecified Eastern European city that still has one foot in Communism. Our hero doesn’t understand the language, has only a glancing competency in maintaining order, and as one disaster after another unfolds his patience wears thin and he has no helpful pamphlets to help him, just cryptic notes. He dances as fast as he can but will it be fast enough? How much could go wrong in one week? You’ll be amazed to learn the answer to that as you turn page after page.

Oddly the Narrator’s name is never given though we know Oskar’s name, the name of Oskar’s wife, and even the narrator’s ex-girlfriend is named. Wiles book is written in the first person from the main character’s point of view. I have to believe this is significant. The city Oskar lives in is also not named. This marks the storyteller as an Everyman and the setting as somewhat amorphous Every place though it’s broadly specified as Eastern Europe. In any case this guy sure could have used a manservant such as Jeeves! The cleaner in “Care of Wooden Floors” is anything but Jeeveslike but almost as funny in an unwitting way.
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May 20, 2012 Juste rated it 3 of 5 stars

The story in this book takes place over one week. The protagonist (unnamed throughout the story) travels to (probably) Germany to look after his friends (Oskar) flat whilst he finalises his divorce in America. The flat is an immaculate testament to minimalist, high design and Oskar has kindly provided a series of detailed notes on how to look after the flat in his absence, with special mention of the beautiful and very expensive wooden floors.

Over the course of the week, everything that can go w...more

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Mar 03, 2013 Cyn (RaeWhit) rated it 5 of 5 stars

I was on page 110 and was regretting having committed myself to read this book (done when I'd gone beyond my page 50 fail-safe point). Gradually, though, this book engaged me, to the point that I thought about it obsessively until I finished it. An unnamed protagonist, flat-sitting for a laced-up-tight, slightly OCD friend, in an unnamed Eastern European city. From the 'reminder' notes left to caution the flat-sitter, along with his rather blasé disregard of them, the flat takes on a personality...more

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Nov 11, 2012 Shelter rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I thought this book was AMAZING, I told everyone about it, about how they NEEDED to read it, right away. And I held that belief right up til the very end when it just went all soft and quit on us. That being said, I'd read it again!

******SPOILER ALERT*******

While reading, I kept thinking "How can this possibly end?" and then my question was answered - it doesn't. It essentially ends like one of those movies that just rolls the credits as the main character rides away, like there's nothing to loo...more

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Feb 14, 2013 Diane rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: ebooks

In Care of Wooden Floors, an unnamed narrator from London agrees to house sit for Oskar, his former college friend, while he flies back to the US to finalize his divorce from his American wife. Oskar makes, what seems to be, some reasonable requests of his friend: feed his (2) cats: Shossy and Stravvy, no cats on the sofa, don't touch the piano, let the housekeeper in once a week and, make sure nothing damages his beautiful "wooden floors". Oskar seems a bit obsessive and does not seem totally c...more In Care of Wooden Floors, an unnamed narrator from London agrees to house sit for Oskar, his former college friend, while he flies back to the US to finalize his divorce from his American wife. Oskar makes, what seems to be, some reasonable requests of his friend: feed his (2) cats: Shossy and Stravvy, no cats on the sofa, don't touch the piano, let the housekeeper in once a week and, make sure nothing damages his beautiful "wooden floors". Oskar seems a bit obsessive and does not seem totally confident about the narrator's ability to do as he's been asked. Oskar leaves random notes around the apartment reminding his friend where the cleaning supplies are and what he expects of him. It's almost as if he expects a mishap to occur here and there.

What starts out as a nice change of pace for the narrator soon develops into an amusing, and at times horrific week of house sitting. It begins when a red wine spill goes unnoticed until it is too late, causing a big red blotch to mar Oskar's pristine wooden floors. This incident with the floor causes the narrator to obsess about the stain and seek a way to fix it or make it less noticeable. If this doesn't cause enough stress for the house sitter, things get even more complicated when he breaks another one of Oskar's rules about not touching the piano, which triggers another incident, this time with one of the cats.

"Is everything OK in the apartment?" [ My eye strayed to the cats on the sofa and the stain on the floor. The stain was actually hidden from me by the coffee table, but I felt I could still see it; a flash burn on my retina, always in center view . You tried to look at it, when it swam away!]

This story starts off slow and then suddenly the plot builds with one calamity to the next. There is a fair share of suspense in this story, but mostly, I found myself laughing about the measures the narrator takes to cover up his tracks. The incident with the piano and the cat was funny to me, but maybe not all animal lovers will feel the same. I had to keep telling myself "it's just a work of fiction".

Care of Wooden Floors, was just the type of book I needed -- very fun, often wacky -- try it. Readers who like dark humor will be the best candidates for this debut novel.

4.5/5 stars(less)

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Jan 23, 2013 Crazycatlady rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: books-read-in-2013

I grabbed this book from the library because I'm a sucker for a catchy and/or offbeat title and because I've been obsessing lately over the godawful carpet and vinyl that currently covers the floors of my house.
The narrator of Care of Wooden Floors, who goes unnamed throughout the novel, leaves his flat in London and travels to eastern Europe to look after his friend Oskar's magazine-perfect apartment while Oskar is in the U.S. Oskar is anal retentive to the point of lunacy (he leaves the narra...more

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Dec 05, 2012 Ruthie rated it 3 of 5 stars

As I read this book my opinion changed so many times it was distracting. The premise - housesitting for a compulsive neat freak, intrigued me. I am one who is never comfortable staying in other people's homes as I am always fearful of doing damage. In this book the main character is asked, by an old college friend, to house and cat sit his meticulously renovated apt. while he is away. What ensues is somewhat predictable, often annoyingly so, a bit funny, and then; ridiculous. The plot of the nov...more

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Feb 08, 2012 Bettie rated it 2 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Laura

Shelves: fradio, published-2012, radio-4, winter-20112012, debut, music, amusing, doo-lally

blurb - 'Thanks so much for this; you're a real friend for helping me out. I don't feel comfortable leaving the flat for so long, not with the cats... You'll like it, it's a nice flat.'

When an unnamed writer finds himself entrusted with looking after a disturbingly minimalist apartment in a nameless Mittel European city, he looks forward to a chance to write, relax and recuperate. But all too soon, and all too inevitably, things begin to go wrong. The flat is owned by his old friend, Oskar, a mi...more

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Nov 24, 2012 Orland Outland rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A clever, somewhat Hitchcockian story about a man who is asked to watch a friend's apartment - a very fussy friend with exquisite wooden floors that MUST be kept pristine, who leaves a seemingly endless series of little notes in every drawer and book with instructions on how to keep everything perfect. Naturally, complications ensue. Reminded me a bit of Hitchcock of course but also in a way of Simenon's "Red Lights," in the way things go downhill inexorably in a short suspenseful novel, but als...more

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Jan 01, 2013 Craig Scott rated it 4 of 5 stars

I really enjoyed this debut from Will Wiles. As an obsessive compulsive myself I found the book particularly funny and helpful - ironically the novel points out the complete lunacy of obsessive compulsiveness.

I enjoyed Wiles' style, easy, flowing and a joy to read. Wiles writes as if he has had several novels published already, such is the effectiveness of his natural style.

I don't read too many comedic novels and am no expert on the genre but Wiles' debut was one of the surprises of the year...more

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Oct 23, 2012 culley rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: character-studies, drugs-and-alcohol, favorites

The protagonist of Care of Wooden Floors has been asked to watch a friend's flat in an unnamed Eastern European City. Oscar, the friend, is a fastidious classical musician going through a divorce. The protagonist was Oscars trusted friend from college. The flat is pristine, with a showroom kitchen, designer furniture, two cats, and newish hardwood floors of French oak. Oscar has left notes about the care of the flat in cupboards and cabinets, books, the piano, everywhere. His lack of trust and f...more

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Jan 31, 2012 Sophie Gonzales rated it 2 of 5 stars

Urgh. Okay, I'll admit – I haven't finished this book. It's written very well and in a pretty unique way, but I just couldn't get into it. Basically, the whole story is about a person who goes to look after his friend Oskar's flat, which is in a foreign Eastern European country, and Oskar is excessively particular about every detail of its upkeep. But things start to go horribly wrong; starting from the moment when this friend manages to leave an unsightly mark on the wooden floor, which Oskar i...more

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Jan 16, 2013 Meghan rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: fiction

"There is a moment between sleeping and waking where one is free. Consciousness has returned, but awareness has yet to rip away the thin screen between the waker and his surroundings, his reality. You float free of context, in no place - not sleeping, not fully awake, not at the mercy of the unknowns of the subconscious, and not yet exposed to the dull knowns of care and routine."

The narrator has traveled to an unnamed Eastern European city to house sit at the expensive, pristine flat of his fr...more

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Nov 15, 2012 Diane Kistner rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I consider the best short story I've ever read to be Kafka's "The Metamorphosis." I cannot finish that story, no matter how many times I read it, without weeping. Some have compared Will Wiles' book, CARE OF WOODEN FLOORS, to Kafka, but I think it's less bizarre than Kafka's work. With Wiles, we have "real" people, "real" cats, "real" furnishings, "real" relationships, and "real" floors. But Wiles does deal in the human condition, as Kafka does, and he does a mighty fine job of it! This book is...more

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“A room is not just a room. A room is a manifestation of a state of mind, the product of an intelligence. Either conscious (...) or unconscious. We make our rooms, and then our rooms make us.” — 7 people liked it

“There is a moment between sleeping and waking where one is free. Consciousness has returned, but awareness has yet to rip away the thin screen between the waker and his surroundings, his reality. You float free of context, in no place – not sleeping, not fully awake, not at the mercy of the unknowns of the subconscious, and not yet exposed to the dull knowns of care and routine. It is at this point, between two worlds, that I think I am happiest.” — 4 people liked it

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