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Would It Kill You to Stop Doing That: A Modern Guide to Manners
by
Henry Alford
"We all know bad manners when we see them," NPR and Vanity Fair contributor Henry Alford observes at the beginning of his new book. But what, he asks, do good manners look like in our day and age? When someone answers their cell phone in the middle of dining with you, or runs you off the sidewalk with their doublewide stroller, or you enter a post-apocalyptic public restro...more
Hardcover, 242 pages
Published
January 3rd 2012
by Twelve
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This book is exceptionally disjointed, and I am a bit upset that the author could pass this off as
"A Modern Guide to Manners." I think Alford can be described as ruder-than-average and has little authority to be offering his guidance.
"A Modern Guide to Manners." I think Alford can be described as ruder-than-average and has little authority to be offering his guidance.
I am midway through and am amused by the number of reviews that are upset or confused about this being a book of humor and not an actual guide to manners. I'm not sure how one can be disappointed by a book that lists entries for "Random, bitchy comments on" and "Sex tentacles" in its index.
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I have now completed the book, and had forgotten above to mention that I do not understand how people mistook this for a Serious Manners Book because it has a TOILET on the front cover. Having not re...more
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I have now completed the book, and had forgotten above to mention that I do not understand how people mistook this for a Serious Manners Book because it has a TOILET on the front cover. Having not re...more
This book is no modern guide to manners as it states on the cover. Henry Alford's idea of what manners are bit fuzzy. In fact, manners may not be a forte of Alford's considering he goes around publicly correcting people, which he refers to as "reverse etiquette". Calling out store clerks and women with strollers on the street by apologizing for their poor manners and in the case of the woman with the stroller explaining how he is apologizing for her, is not what most people would consider good m...more
A better title for this book would have been All About Me, My Lifestyle, My Interests, My Idiosyncrasies, and My Relationships, with Not a Few Witticisms, and Some Discussion on Manners, All in Near-Complete Random Order. There were times when I wanted to chuck this book out the window (and I might have had my copy not belonged to the library) in sheer frustration at the lack of focus, substance, and organization. I gave it two stars instead of one because there were times when it was laugh-out-...more
I don't really understand all the negative reviews except that people must've thought this book really was an etiquette book. In a way I kind of made the same mistake but I also read the blurb so I knew I was in for something different. I also wasn't expecting anything humorous as the critics quipped. I've learned to never trust THE CRITICS. What I found was an interesting, quick reading essay on the differences between cultures in different countries, classes, educations, sexual orientations, e...more
Henry Alford is screamingly funny. Sometimes.
He cares about manners which is a good thing.
He confuses charm with manners which leads to long digressions and redundant observations.
When I began the book, I thought, oh good, an up to date guide on how to comport oneself online, at the office, with transsexuals, etc. Then as I read on, I thought, Oh, a book for young metrosexuals. Then I groaned, oh no a bunch of loosely connected musings on all sorts of social situations including having online e...more
He cares about manners which is a good thing.
He confuses charm with manners which leads to long digressions and redundant observations.
When I began the book, I thought, oh good, an up to date guide on how to comport oneself online, at the office, with transsexuals, etc. Then as I read on, I thought, Oh, a book for young metrosexuals. Then I groaned, oh no a bunch of loosely connected musings on all sorts of social situations including having online e...more
if you're looking for a "guide to modern manners"--which i interpreted as being an etiquette book--keep looking. in no way can this pass as an etiquette book of a guide to modern manners. instead, it's a david sedaris-esque memoir loosely themed around the topic of etiquette & manners. it was far from unpleasant; it's just not what i expected.
my boyfriend said the other day that the trick to writing book reviews in the historical tradition is to review the book the author did write, rather t...more
my boyfriend said the other day that the trick to writing book reviews in the historical tradition is to review the book the author did write, rather t...more
Part etiquette-based adventure, part essay, and completely void of any of the preachiness one might typically associate with the "Manners" genre, "Would It Kill You To Stop Doing That: A Modern Guide To Manners" by Henry Alford was a true joy to read. Throughout the book, Alford is simultaneously funny and thought provoking; at one moment he's describing a Japanese restauranteur's outfit, which puts a large emphasis on outerwear and leather straps, as "very Gay Ski-Lift Operator," the next he's...more
I 'm somwhat in the middle in terms of my review of this book. Its wel written in some senses; completely disjointed in others. Highly readable in some places; very "look how clever I am" in others. Laugh out loud funny then boring as heck or borderline mean spirited.
Expectations may play a role here as there are some chapters that really are about "manners" particularly in our modern day social media society. There is a significant section to a chapter where the author lunches with Tim Gunn an...more
Expectations may play a role here as there are some chapters that really are about "manners" particularly in our modern day social media society. There is a significant section to a chapter where the author lunches with Tim Gunn an...more
Amusing light reading from native New Yorker Henry Alford, who also writes for the New Yorker. Some spots are laugh-out-loud funny and some passages have a little too much detail and are, well, a little too New Yorky, like some of the interminable stories in the "New Yorker" that leave the non-New Yorker scratching his or her head. The topic of Mr. Alford's work is a tongue-in-cheek look at manners, etiquette, and protocol, from using toilets and buying bananas in Japan to hailing a cab and eff-...more
This book was a quick, fun read. Henry Alford is very funny and I found myself chuckling throughout. I especially enjoyed the beginning of his journey through the ins and outs of modern day manners because he went to the (as he calls it) 'Fort Knox of manners' - Japan. After this, he delves into all sorts of American social situations movie theatre "sushers," unresponsive party guests, play dates for your children, wedding invitations, vegetable trading (for real), reverse apologies, false compl...more
I thought this was actually a guide to modern manners, but it turned out not to be. Really, it's just the author talking about cases where he's encountered or exhibited good or bad manners. I can pretty much say that I learned absolutely nothing from this book. Other than the thing about slaves and Southern manners, which was a really interesting tidbit that I liked and shared with my friends.
The author also has a really horrible writing style. It's very chatty and more blog-type writing than b...more
The author also has a really horrible writing style. It's very chatty and more blog-type writing than b...more
I read a short sample of this book, as well as an insightful review, and so I was perhaps a little more prepared for the content and tone of it than other reviewers. Rather than being about "manners" from a traditional point of view, Alford's commentary is more frequently about how people, from all walks of life, relate to each other in all kinds of scenarios and in many different settings. Some of his discourse begins to feel quite lengthy and felt a bit self-indulgent, while others seem to be...more
I heard this guy on NPR and he sounded like the perfect, funny, gay best friend who you really would like to go to lunch with once a week. This book isn't really a manners guide, just his essays on what behaviors drive him crazy. And the title of the book exactly matches the tone of the book and I thought it was pretty funny. Would it kill you to stop doing that? - it's perfect.
It's light, quick, and fun to read. I don't know that I'd want to own it but the short little essays are good readin...more
It's light, quick, and fun to read. I don't know that I'd want to own it but the short little essays are good readin...more
OK, non-fiction, not my first choice, but am hugely interested in American etiquette as need guidance in this area even after 29 years in the US. (For instance, I read in Emily Post that bringing cut flowers to a party is a huge inconveniece to the hostess who has to look for a vase, etc. In Poland, cut flowers are a must.) The book is rambling and unfocused, but will appeal to New Yorkers as he clearly loves the city and imparts some NYC lore and NYC specific advice. Also, even though most of t...more
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I'm not sure what I was expecting with this book. Since becoming an "adult", I have realized that several things which the rest of the world thinks of as common sense did not occur to me, so perhaps I was looking for some tidbits on how to behave. Or, more likely, I was looking for examples of truly horrendous behaviour so I could feel smug and superior. And there are examples of both in this book, but more interesting is the discussion that Alford begins on the role of manners. What is the func...more
Cassie and I found this author after he wrote the funniest "Best Books Chosen By..." section in The Week. The book is his study of manners in different situations, from Facebook to dating to traveling to many other things. When the index of a book contains the entry, "Japan, banana sanctity in 12-13," you know it is going to be funny. I laughed out loud many times in this book, particularly when the author decided to be a manners coach for several of his friends. My favorite, of course, was when...more
This was hard to rate - I *enjoyed* the book, but wouldn't recommend it, at least within its own genre. I don't know if the author even knows what this book was meant to be - was it a book *about* manners as a topic, was it an etiquette book giving hints on how to behave, was it a series of (admittedly often amusing) essays? I sure couldn't tell you.
At times, there were great moments in reading, and then at times I'd get to the end of a chapter and still not sure what the topic of said chapter w...more
At times, there were great moments in reading, and then at times I'd get to the end of a chapter and still not sure what the topic of said chapter w...more
This isn't a modern guide to manners as in "here's how to word your email so you don't sound like an asshole," it's a modern guide to manners as in "here's situations where you shouldn't send emails because it makes you sound like an asshole, and also here's a time when I sent an email and sounded like an asshole, and also here's a bit about how when Americans go to Japan, we look like idiots." It's HILARIOUS and really more like a collection of essays than an etiquette guide. But I thought the...more
60 pages in to this book and I thought I'd made a mistake.
I was thinking that it was written for a gay man who carries around a copy of the New Yorker while listening to NPR - basically - not me. I was just not "getting it."
But I have this odd quirk of insisting that I finish a book no matter how much I dislike it. I figure that I force students to do it, so I'd better not be a hypocrite.
Anyway - as I continued through the book, I found myself laughing out loud every few pages and wishing that t...more
I was thinking that it was written for a gay man who carries around a copy of the New Yorker while listening to NPR - basically - not me. I was just not "getting it."
But I have this odd quirk of insisting that I finish a book no matter how much I dislike it. I figure that I force students to do it, so I'd better not be a hypocrite.
Anyway - as I continued through the book, I found myself laughing out loud every few pages and wishing that t...more
I waffled between giving this book 1 star and 2 stars. I did get some scraps of useful information out of it here and there. But every time I started warming up to the book just a little, Alford managed to put me off again. In a book ostensibly about manners, he certainly engages in some very unmannerly behavior... and seems pleased with himself for doing so. One example is a game he calls Touch the Waiter. Another is his characterization of suburban Arkansans as being Bible thumpers and having...more
I love this book, and I love the fact that I observed Henry Alford (before I recognized him) on a train platform near Washington D.C. being as civil and charming as he is in print. I love the fact that he doesn't oversimplify the process of analyzing a social situation and determining what would be gracious and correct. I love that he acknowledges how muddy real life is and how one of the things we love about reading Advice About Manners is the possibly false sensation it gives us that we can re...more
It was just ok. No, it wasn't a real guide to manners, but it was clear that it wasn't supposed to be one. It was trying to be a collection of humorous essays about manners and etiquette, but it just wasn't that funny and it wasn't that cohesive. It got a few half smiles from me but nothing more. And the writing often felt cloudy which is a particular hazard when you're dropping me into a new essay. You better be able to set the scene and paint the picture quickly and that wasn't happening. Basi...more
The publisher sent me a copy of this book and asked me to review it in my etiquette column, Aunt Dandelion (http://www.auntdandelion.com/). I will do so, but I am a little nonplussed by the content. My overriding impression is that of an author who put his hipster pants on to write a book about manners, interlacing every page with bad words or sexual references. That it is an amusing read I do not deny. However it would hardly be top of the list of books I would recommend to readers wanting to l...more
Curiously disjointed, rambling, unconnected series of random observances...... would have been a much better book if I hadn't expected it to actually be "a modern guide to manners." Why didn't he just say "a disjointed series of random observances"? My expectations would have been much lower, and I might have enjoyed it more. Look at David Sedaris. Does he write a "guide"? No, he writes humorous anecdotes, and much more effortlessly than Alford. Gaaaack.
Very few gems in this book, after a lot of...more
Very few gems in this book, after a lot of...more
This guy imparted some unique insight while cracking me up. I could not put it down during my flight travels from hell in Christmas Eve.
I'm not sure if this book is meant to be serious or funny, or what the author's point is at all, other than to talk about himself. I can see that the author's style would appeal to some, but I wasn't one of those people. It struck me as he was trying too hard to be witty and worldly. The book would have been half its length if it weren't for all of the quotes and excerpts of other works about manners. The original material is just a recounting of stories by the author that he seems to find worth...more
This author tickles my funny bone, and I ordered one of his other books as well.
A couple of his scenarios seem "dropped" into the book, and I would have appreciated him introducing them better.
He really, really, really needs readers to know he lives an alternate life style.
I ordered the book because Vanity Fair reviewed it and listed his #1 example of bad manners as the "no problem" problem. So true.
Hopefully others will rise up and use his gracious, clever example to correct this one person at...more
A couple of his scenarios seem "dropped" into the book, and I would have appreciated him introducing them better.
He really, really, really needs readers to know he lives an alternate life style.
I ordered the book because Vanity Fair reviewed it and listed his #1 example of bad manners as the "no problem" problem. So true.
Hopefully others will rise up and use his gracious, clever example to correct this one person at...more
I didn't like this book. I thought it was extremely disjointed and the author didn't come across as very likable at all. It sort of seemed like he had some stories he wanted to tell and decided he would somehow try to link them together under the idea of manners, even if they didn't really fit. I did however, love his interview with Tim Gunn, of Project Runway fame. Tim Gunn seems like such a likable, friendly, down to earth guy with whom I want to be friends. Even though I didn't like the book,...more
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“Contrary to popular opinion, manners are not a luxury good that's interesting only to those who can afford to think about them. The essence of good manners is not exclusivity, nor exclusion of any kind, but sensitivity. To practice good manners is to confer upon others not just consideration but esteem; it's to bathe others in a commodity best described by noted speller Aretha Franklin.”
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