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Good in a Crisis: A Memoir

3.22 of 5 stars 3.22 · rating details · 183 ratings · 46 reviews

Honest, hopeful, hilarious—the smartest, most knowing account of a woman and the calamities of midlife since Nora Ephron’s wryly humorous Heartburn.

During the four years of physician Margaret Overton’s acrimonious divorce, she dated widely and indiscriminately, determined to find her soul mate and live happily ever after. But then she discovered she had a brain aneurysm. S...more

Hardcover, 256 pages

Published January 31st 2012 by Bloomsbury USA

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Mar 17, 2012 Canadian Reader rated it 2 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Good in a Crisis is ostensibly an account of the five or six turbulent years that followed physician Margaret Overton’s decision to divorce a seemingly boorish and philandering surgeon husband of twenty years. “The divorce,” writes Overton, “precipitated a series of midlife events that happened to someone who’d always assumed she was safe.” Many of the events life simply threw at her—her own urgent medical issue (two serious episodes with a potentially fatal cerebral aneurysm), an aging mother’s...more Good in a Crisis is ostensibly an account of the five or six turbulent years that followed physician Margaret Overton’s decision to divorce a seemingly boorish and philandering surgeon husband of twenty years. “The divorce,” writes Overton, “precipitated a series of midlife events that happened to someone who’d always assumed she was safe.” Many of the events life simply threw at her—her own urgent medical issue (two serious episodes with a potentially fatal cerebral aneurysm), an aging mother’s and college-aged daughter’s serious accidents, the sudden death of beloved fellow anesthesiologist friend, and the diagnosis of fatal brain cancer in another. In all the above, Overton lived up to her memoir’s title. In terms of her own psychological crisis, however, not so much. One might even argue that her intemperate, throw-all-caution-to-the-wind foray into the world of post-divorce dating was a crisis of the author's own making. And it is that crisis, rather than all the others listed above, that is the main subject of her memoir.

Good in a Crisis regales the reader with details of innumerable dates with creeps, oddballs, and losers, most of whom have only one thing on their minds. Safety may indeed be an illusion, as Overton avers, but surely prudence helps us all avoid at least some unsafe situations, and I know few people as "clueless" as Overton admits she was. This is not to say she’s an unlikable or unappealing narrator. On the one hand, I want to give her credit for being so honest about her foibles and gaffes. On the other, though, I admit to genuine worry about the possible professional consequences of publicly exposing such astonishingly poor judgment in personal matters. Aspects of her disastrous dinner dates and coffee shop meetings with wearers of make-up, those showing bizarre preferences for bilious green, possessors of brown teeth and slug-like or impaling tongues provide some humour, but the stories wear on you after a while. (I acknowledge that many readers may be more entertained by her adventures in dating than I was.) However, Overton's description of her “non-relationship” with a lay-about hoarder, her account of being showered by a profusely perspiring date during a decidedly non-erotic escapade, and, finally, her description of date rape in her own apartment gave me genuine pause.

Early on in the book, Overton writes—perhaps not as jokingly as I initially thought--that those in the throes of a divorce are wounded, crazy, and hurtful. They should be identified to the public with neon signs flashing “Buyer Beware” above their heads, she says. If insanity is, as Albert Einstein said, doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, and if her account of compulsive and indiscriminate dating is to be believed, the author could be a textbook case to illustrate Einstein's point.

When it comes to memoir, we are primed to expect by book's end the articulation of a lesson learned, a meditation on the deeper meaning of an event or an episode. Good in a Crisis doesn’t deliver one. Or maybe what it delivers is an unintended one. “What’s the truth?” Overton asks about divorce early on in her book. “The truth is what happened between you and him or her, over the years, and what didn’t happen. The truth is what you said and didn’t say, how much you tried, how you changed, and whether you were lucky....In the end, who cares about the truth? You still end up divorced.” Yes, I would add, divorced you may be, but isn’t uncovering the truth of your own role in that divorce a worthy goal?

In the final pages, Overton tells us she eventually stopped “dating” entirely; she actually gave up on the internet! Hardly a breath later, though, she reveals that she still occasionally convinces herself that her friends are right and it’s the only way for a middle-aged woman to meet a man. She’ll sign up, pay for three months and quit after a day or two. Her quest to understand her “journey”, she goes on to say, has prompted her to change therapists, opting for a man, a kind of “surrogate guy” who might help her comprehend--not herself, as one would so dearly hope for her--but “how men think”. It may be a truism that life can change in a heart beat, but this memoir is a telling illustration of how the essential character of a person living that life may not. Presented with opportunities to learn lessons, gain wisdom, improve one’s judgment, people do not always take them. Good in a Crisis left me musing about how much personal agency you really have if you believe, as Overton says she does, in luck. Additionally, how much can you learn if you have little propensity for self-examination, if you don’t understand your own role in at least some of the life crises you find yourself in, or can’t be alone with yourself long enough to try to find out?

I thank NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with a free pre-publication copy of this book for review.(less)

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Jan 29, 2013 Christine rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: medicine, memoir

I had read about this somewhere and I think it was billed as compelling and funny. It WAS compelling, but not really funny. There are plenty of stories of bad dates in this book, but I didn't find them particularly funny--more painful. I also had a hard time relating to her compulsive dating. In fairness, I'm sure that being with your husband from age 21 until middle age (Overton) gives you a different take on dating and being single than dating someone seriously in college and then being single...more

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Mar 15, 2012 Julie rated it 3 of 5 stars

Couldn't decide between 2 and 3 stars. This memoir about a woman having an incredible string of bad luck in middle age and her attempts to survive and move on with life starts off very engaging and moves quickly. The author is funny, honest, and engaging, and if you're a certain age and have started having health scares, seen parents decline or die, and seen friends and families shattered by divorce, you will be able to relate. But the story meanders and loses steam as she details a string of ba...more

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Feb 04, 2012 Sharon Lippincott rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir

This masterfully written memoir should be required reading for lots of people: anyone thinking about getting married, anyone already married and thinking about getting divorced. Women in the process of divorce. Anyone who may ever get cerebral aneurism. Mothers. Daughters. Friends and relatives of all the above. In other words, this book has something of value for nearly anyone.

Margaret Overton was in mid-life, with a successful career in anesthesiology, two teenage daughters, and a condo she ha...more This masterfully written memoir should be required reading for lots of people: anyone thinking about getting married, anyone already married and thinking about getting divorced. Women in the process of divorce. Anyone who may ever get cerebral aneurism. Mothers. Daughters. Friends and relatives of all the above. In other words, this book has something of value for nearly anyone.

Margaret Overton was in mid-life, with a successful career in anesthesiology, two teenage daughters, and a condo she hated when she decided one Memorial Day morning to divorce her husband. The decision did not happen in a vacuum, but it was sudden. In the ensuing four years, through her experience with Match.com, she dated a long succession of creepy losers. They clearly demonstrate the reason why so many mature singles avoid that experience. She had sex with some, was raped by one, and somehow lived to write about it.

When her legal fees topped “several hundred thousand,” after more than four years of endless delays — some instigated by her soon-to-be ex and others by her own need to go to trial because of her inability (as a physician!) to obtain private health insurance — she threw in the towel. “I just want out,” she told her attorney. Sanity was more important than prevailing.

While in the throes of her first post-marital sexual encounter, she suffered a cerebral aneurysm. She’s one of the lucky ones. She recovered, with no discernible damage, but only after more close calls and an experimental procedure. In case that wasn’t enough, her widowed mother experienced a severe health crisis, one of her dearest friends died of brain cancer, and her daughter had a near-fatal skateboarding accident. The list reads like the Book of Job.

That’s the stuff of which the story is woven. The threads that weave it are story and wisdom.

“The process of divorce requires that we develop a narrative, an attempt to sum up the ‘truth’ of the marriage and its dissolution, as if things might be put straight in some cosmic manner with enough words, delivered just so, to enough people, with just the right emphasis.”

This book is that narrative, that putting of words in just the right order, with just the right emphasis, and quite remarkably, she does it with such deftness and gently self-effacing humor that I was alternately laughing and fuming at the horror and injustice of it all. Her story structure is solidly crafted, with key elements, like her departed friend Paul, scattered artfully throughout the narrative, deepening the insight ever so gradually, keeping the slope climbable without dismounting from your bike. She embellishes the structure with stunningly vivid descriptions that pasted whole paragraphs permanently in mind.

This is not a book filled with epiphanies, nor is it filled with step-by-step guidelines for surviving divorce or medical emergencies. It is a book filled with evolving wisdom and offering deep compassion and hope. Margaret Overton took the advice she quotes at the outset. She has not wasted the opportunities offered by a good crisis. She surmounted her obstacles and emerged with equanimity. In this volume, she holds out a strong hand of courage to lead others along the path she has trodden, graciously allowing them to learn whatever they may from her experience.

The author bio states that this is Overton’s first book. I look forward to her next.

This review was originally published at StoryCircleBookReviews: http://snipurl.com/221vz0r
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Feb 08, 2013 Shawna rated it 2 of 5 stars

I picked up this book thinking I would find a kindred spirit in Margaret Overton. Like her, I usually think of myself as “the adult in the room,” as she described it. However I was disappointed with this book. The think my issue boils down to: there was never much of anything at stake for Overton. She was never in danger of losing her furs or her posh Chicago condo. She could afford endless amounts of therapy, vacations to Paris and the Napa Valley, as well as the MFA program to follow her dream...more

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Feb 09, 2012 Cyndy Aleo rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction, memoir, arc, netgalley

I jumped at the chance to obtain an advance reader copy of Margaret Overton's Good in a Crisis: A Memoir via NetGalley; as a divorce survivor myself, the opportunity to read someone else's version of how it goes, especially when the book is being compared to Nora Ephron's Heartburn, was a must-read.

Good in a Crisis: A Memoir starts out as a compelling read; Overton has a witty voice that's easy to read, and her ability to laugh in the face of just about any embarrassing event, including the di...more

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Feb 05, 2012 Shelleyrae at Book'd Out rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: arc-are, netgalley-reviews

Margaret Overton is an anesthesiologist but this is not the story of her career, it is a personal account of her midlife crisis. It begins with her divorce after twenty years of marriage and the challenges that follow. Though her marriage is no real loss, Margaret is hurt as her husband flaunts his much younger mistress, the latest in a long line of women, she discovers, and makes financial arrangements unnecessarily difficult. Margaret doesn't expect to be alone for long though and with her dau...more Margaret Overton is an anesthesiologist but this is not the story of her career, it is a personal account of her midlife crisis. It begins with her divorce after twenty years of marriage and the challenges that follow. Though her marriage is no real loss, Margaret is hurt as her husband flaunts his much younger mistress, the latest in a long line of women, she discovers, and makes financial arrangements unnecessarily difficult. Margaret doesn't expect to be alone for long though and with her daughters on the verge of independence, she begins to search for a companion. In the middle of her first amorous encounter, she experiences a blinding headache which leads to the diagnosis of an aneurysm. While she is incredibly lucky to survive and the aneurysm is repaired, there are lingering, if subtle, psychological effects. Health regained and with a new appreciation for life, Overton throws herself back into the dating pool, but the waters are murky and Margaret quickly finds herself out of her depth.
While she is honest about her propensity for making increasingly poor choices, her lack of self awareness is startling during this period. An intelligent woman, she is nevertheless almost willfully naive, unable to recognise the warning signs her dates reveal. Overton seems determined to reveal the ridiculousness amongst the 'horror', and there are truly moments of real pain. I was shocked be her reaction to one particular incident where her response is not at all what I would expect from an educated, mature woman. There is a conversation in the course of the book between Margaret and her dear friend and colleague Neil, which Margaret recounts regarding a theory about the arrested maturity of doctors which I think rings true in general and certainly in Overton's case. Margaret sense of self preservation is more like an adolescents rather than a middle age woman's, when it comes to dating.
In amongst her adventures in dating online, Margaret faces several other crisis, the deaths of her close friends - Neil and Paul, her mother's rapid decline into dementia, her daughter's serious accident and the rebuilding of her career. The six years or so that Margaret's memoir recounts were undeniably tough, a series of crisis that Overton nevertheless overcame.

Good in a Crisis is an entertaining memoir but for me it was not the light-hearted, laugh out loud story the blurb led me to expect. That Margaret is able to look back on this difficult period of her life and find the humour in it, is admirable. Good in a Crisis is painfully honest and self deprecating, rarely is Margaret depicted in a good light, but I can imagine it could be a comfort and lesson for other woman floundering after life altering circumstances in midlife.(less)

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Oct 21, 2012 Ella rated it 4 of 5 stars

It takes courage to be bold, raw, transparent aobut your life.. in this case the messy mess of and in Margaret's life post divorce. Every one of us on some level can (or should) relate to the often chaotic and painfilled choices while working, raising children, dealing with our own health and the death of ones we love. BRAVO for doing this with humor and dignity. I love that she does not have a trite easy end (there rarely is). A book, someone's story should transport you, and this does. Right i...more

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Feb 12, 2012 Deanna rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: netgalley

I think I would like Margaret quite a bit. She's intelligent, has interesting friends, and does fun things like go on a singles bike trip. In this book, though, I didn't feel I learned anything real about her true personality. We read very personal details about her life, but it's almost from a removed, third-person point of view. There is a sense of "I did this; dated this man; this happened"...and that kind of writing, even in a memoir, just doesn't draw me in.

I enjoyed some parts of the book...more

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Aug 07, 2012 Diane rated it 4 of 5 stars

I enjoyed the book more than I thought I would. My first impression was that it would have more about her health issue, I'm kind of glad it didn't go that way. I like the author's "stream of consciousness" writing, the way she writes exactly like a person's thoughts would go through her mind. In some ways, it made me feel better about myself. One would think that a doctor with a successful career would have a perfect life, or the opportunities to have a good life, yet she has the same struggles...more

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Jul 17, 2012 Doris Hood rated it 4 of 5 stars

I find honesty and willingness to share a story like this refreshing. People may wonder why an author would want to share such a story. True, it is not a sunshine and roses story with a 'Hollywood ending' ... but mostly, life isn't that way either. Isn't it nice to know that someone has the courage to share the truth, possibly prepare others or even just let them know they aren't crazy for thinking/feeling the same kinds of things - someone else has experienced the same kinds of things.

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Oct 31, 2012 April rated it 2 of 5 stars

While reading this as a single 50 something female, I kept wondering if the author grew up in the state where I live. It's a sin to be unwed at the age of 15 (just joking it's 20).

While I know that it's human nature to trust (I don't trust anyone) how is it that well educated people don't follow that gut instinct?

My opinion is that maybe every single, divorced, widowed person should read this to verify that everyone goes through these emotions.

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Oct 15, 2012 Amita rated it 3 of 5 stars

I picked up this book because I'm in my 40s and going through some midlife issues. I'm not sure if I learned much from this memoir, but it was interesting to see how the author handled all these crises hitting her at once. It was kind of sad reading about an accomplished woman like the author dating loser after loser. She seems to have a rich life in other ways, so I hope she has finally learned her lesson and is better at avoiding these guys in the future.

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Jul 18, 2012 Jill rated it 3 of 5 stars

I liked this, but I kind of wondered how it got published. It was sort of like reading someone's rambling, slightly disjointed diary entries (albeit clever, well-written ones). But do divorce & other random events of bad fortune need to be published and made into a book? Not necessarily. I like a memoir that goes well beyond everyday disappointments & into the truly jaw-dropping.

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Mar 31, 2012 Carly rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book is easy to read and very entertaining and humorous. I highly recommend this book for women who have experienced divorce but non-divorce survivors and men may not find this book to their tastes. Although the dating stories were entertaining, they became a little repetitive and I would have preferred more positive accounts of lessons learned.

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Mar 01, 2012 Karen rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoirs, non-fiction

This is not the memoir of a well-educated professional woman. It's a compliation of dating horror stories that do not reflect well on Dr Overton's judgement. Perhaps they are meant to be funny but for me, the "ick" quotient was just too high. It's a shame because Dr Overton seems to have a full and interesting life as a doctor and single mother.

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Oct 01, 2012 Patti Pokorchak rated it 5 of 5 stars

I loved this book! Should be essential reading for all 40/50/60s separated/divorced women about to start dating again. It's a 'what not to do!'. Took her a while to learn her lessons but it sounds as if she finally did. Funny and very touching, I really saw myself in some of what she did.

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Mar 30, 2012 Teresa Hill rated it 4 of 5 stars

Recommended to Teresa by: Janice Jennings

I really enjoyed this book. As the victim of a husband who committed adultery after being married more than 26 years, I have experienced many of the emotions, situations, etc. that Margaret endured. I have definitely decided I'm not doing the dating scene! Thanks for a moving and at times entertaining book!

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Sep 10, 2012 Olwen rated it 2 of 5 stars

Disliked the character Margaret - she is so limp - listened to it as an ebook and the narrators accent was a huge put off. Margaret and her string of men were particularly boring. Drifted off through parts of the book.

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Sep 27, 2012 Lesley Knight rated it 3 of 5 stars

Well written. Blackly humorous... but after the travails and tragedies described within its pages, how can this woman believe in God?
PS: I did not read this book in one day. I can't edit the start date in Good Reads.

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Jul 29, 2012 Peggy Downing rated it 5 of 5 stars

The timing of our book club discovering and scheduling to read this book is this month is a very interesting coincidence with what is going on in my life all of a sudden! It helped me to have read it at this time!

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Jan 30, 2013 Zoe rated it 3 of 5 stars

I love reading about anyones journey. Grateful for Overton to share hers. My favorite 2 pages were the ones on happiness theory and one's happiness set point. It was worth it to read it...even just for that.

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Aug 23, 2012 Sarah Toomey rated it 2 of 5 stars

Wasn't mad a out this book. I felt that the mother felt do sorry for herself all she want was her kids to look after her. I kept shouting get yourself together & get on with your life you are a grown woman

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Feb 15, 2012 Jean Godwin Carroll rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: family-drama, memoirs, non-fiction

Someone must have suggested to this author that it would be a great idea if she wrote a book compilation of all her horrendous dates via Match.com. There's not much else to this book. She and her husband are both wealthy doctors who divorce after 20 years of marriage. In between biking trips through France and Napa Valley to find herself, she compulsively dates men she meets on the Internet. All the men are liars just like her ex-husband, and one even rapes her. Why she would want to share these...more

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May 16, 2012 Barbara Barth rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: finished

It's hard to draw me into a book, and this author got me reading it from start to finish. I can't say I liked the book. She was honest and real, and since in my own book I talk about life after my husband's death, I know what it takes to open up to the reader. I liked the author and wish I could have been her friend during this horrid time of her life. After a point the book depressed me. I am older than the author and by the end of the book I thought what is the point of it all. Then my dogs ju...more

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Feb 06, 2013 Phil Chenevert rated it 1 of 5 stars

Did not like it and quit after 4 chapters. Could not take the whiny theme and constant crying. if there were funny parts I did not see them in those chapters.

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Oct 31, 2012 Alexis rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book was absolutely amazing. The author had such a great story to tell. It was so inspirational, full of laughs, and she gives the reader so much hope. By far one of the best books I've read in a while. I could not put it down.

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Jul 11, 2012 Jan rated it 5 of 5 stars

LOVED IT! Funny, sad, poignant story of a physician's divorce and reentry into single life and serious illness.

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Jun 01, 2012 Candace rated it 4 of 5 stars

Fantastic memoir of a doctor's divorce and subsequent life with her children afterwards. Lots of funny, some sad.

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Jul 18, 2012 Natalie rated it 2 of 5 stars

This was a book I read for book club this month and I wasn't a big fan of it. It was depressing and basically was a story of a lady who was going through a divorce and all her stories of her MANY men she dated, along with a lot of loss in her life. The last 1/4 of the book finally started to turn positive but there really wasn't a good story with this book. I kind of dreaded having to pick it up each time.

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“What's the truth? The truth is what happened to you and him or her, over the years, and what didn't happen. The truth is what you said and didn't say, how much you tried, how you changed, and whether you were lucky. I believe in luck. I think luck plays a huge part in success. Or failure. In the end, who cares about the truth? You still end up divorced. Finally, the biggest asshole wins. Sort of. At least the biggest asshole takes home the must stuff. If you consider this winning then have at it. You're an asshole.” — 1 person liked it

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