The Woman in the Mirror: How to Stop Confusing What You Look Like with Who You Are

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The Woman in the Mirror: How to Stop Confusing What You Look Like with Who You Are

by Cynthia M. Bulik (Goodreads Author)

3.19 of 5 stars 3.19 · rating details · 58 ratings · 12 reviews

Many women-regardless of income, size, shape, ethnicity, and age-are uncomfortable in their own skin. We fixate on our body image and try endless diets, implants, hair extensions, and new shoes, but it's never enough. The problem is that girls and women have been socialized to mistakenly conflate body esteem and self-esteem. Body esteem refers to how you think and feel ab

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272 pages

Published December 20th 2011 by Bloomsbury

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Apr 07, 2012 Readingwilliam marked it as to-read

I'm just starting this book, and I already want to give it 5 out of 5 stars.

it's going to be released on Nov 20th, but she sent an advance copy to NEDA and i'm working through it to gather stats. I have it in the office if you want to see it.

I love the second part of the title--How to Stop Confusing What You Look Like for Who You Are.

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Jan 24, 2012 Rose rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: women-studies, psychological, reference, non-fiction, self-improvement, wellness, health, netgalley, arc-or-galley

I've read quite many guides on the level of interpreting how body image plays a part in affecting one's self-esteem, sometimes overtaking it in ways that can lead to a myriad of serious conditions such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, among others. Considering the obesity epidemic being a prevalent problem in modern American society, and the growing lack of physical activity and the obsession with weight in popular culture, I find body image and self esteem interesting topics exploring...more I've read quite many guides on the level of interpreting how body image plays a part in affecting one's self-esteem, sometimes overtaking it in ways that can lead to a myriad of serious conditions such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, among others. Considering the obesity epidemic being a prevalent problem in modern American society, and the growing lack of physical activity and the obsession with weight in popular culture, I find body image and self esteem interesting topics exploring among many different groups - male and female, younger populations as well as older. It's a topic that's near and dear to my heart, and something in my respective studies and field that I've always wanted to learn more about in any capacity.

I think what interested me in "Woman in the Mirror" was the combined approach of examining body image and self-esteem as unique to a woman's life cycle, and then tackling techniques to defeat the negative perceptions and self-talk that women may have in relation to this.

Dr. Cynthia M. Bulik, a professor of Eating Disorders at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine, uses examples in her field to first paint a macroscopic portrait of a woman's life cycle, from birth to death, about how negative body image plays a role in lowering self esteem, primarily citing many external factors and life changes/perceptions that can affect one depending on where they are. I appreciated the insight on the transitions from elementary to middle school, high school to college, and then a woman's working years even to the "AARP" age. There are a lot of general examples and case studies given here to elucidate Dr. Bulik's point - some of them touching on wide stereotyping, but I think it's clear that she recognizes experience and the particular stages of life have distinct factors that can affect a woman's image of themselves.

At the end of each chapter in the first part of the book, she provides readers with interactive tables they can use to examine negative thoughts and ideas to take with them about how they view their bodies at a particular time in life. Then, in the second part of the book, she uses those ideas as prompts to introduce ways of combating negative self-talk, which I thought was a great inclusion for a self-help guide. It's perhaps my favorite part of the work because it touches directly on certain techniques to use and apply.

"Woman in the Mirror" is address to women of multiple age groups, though I think the age group that might benefit from this most would be women above the age of 20, and those that can reflect back on their experiences across a greater spectrum. That's not to say that the book can't be used for kids/young adults, but I think on that scope, the book is most useful to women who have kids in that age group, and how to approach combating negative stereotypes and unhealthy body image and eating habits.

Overall, it was an interesting and insightful read, and while it gives a general spectrum on the juxtaposition of body image and self-esteem, it bears mention that it makes you think about the societal issues and impact that comes with it, as well as how to address them in order to live a healthier, happier life.

Overall score: 4/5

Note: I received this as an ARC from NetGalley, from the publisher Bloomsbury.(less)

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Aug 05, 2012 Deb rated it 5 of 5 stars

*Mirror, mirror, in our minds*

Our bodies. Our selves. Somewhere along the way, the two became one. As the author describes:
"Whereas body esteem is supposed to be a minor component of self-esteem, in our society, body esteem often eclipses self-esteem and becomes the primary and sometimes only dimension on which women evaluate their self worth." (p. 2)

_The Woman in the Mirror_ offers an effective approach to start disentangling self-esteem from body esteem. The first part of this approach involve...more *Mirror, mirror, in our minds*

Our bodies. Our selves. Somewhere along the way, the two became one. As the author describes:
"Whereas body esteem is supposed to be a minor component of self-esteem, in our society, body esteem often eclipses self-esteem and becomes the primary and sometimes only dimension on which women evaluate their self worth." (p. 2)

_The Woman in the Mirror_ offers an effective approach to start disentangling self-esteem from body esteem. The first part of this approach involves identifying and understanding the confluence of factors that contributes to women feeling badly about themselves. Part One of the book does just that with a fascinating--and often shocking--tour of how women feel about themselves and their bodies at each stage of the female lifespan, from kindergarten to the retirement community. In this part of the book, you'll also be guided through unearthing your own insidious negative self-talk and seeing the effects it has had on your attitudes, outlooks, self-esteem, accomplishments, and relationships. It becomes quite clear that "negative self-talk about appearances generalizes to negative self-talk about other areas--competence, lovability, personality, and intelligence." (p. 4)

Part Two of the book provides interventions to help you take control of—and responsibility for—your own negative self-talk. First, you'll be be provided with tools and exercises to keep track of comments, thoughts, and cues, and understand how they influence how you feel about yourself and your behaviors. With this insight, you can then challenge and revise your negative self-talk, and develop ways to turn your inner critic into your inner coach. And, change begets change—by changing your thoughts, you'll be able to change your feelings and behaviors, and ultimately your self-esteem too. After completing this part of the book “you'll be well on your way to separating your self-esteem from your body esteem and to treating yourself with the respect and admiration you deserve.” (p. 5)

This book offers a pragmatic, practical, and powerful approach to helping women with the messy-yet-rewarding task of disentangling self-esteem from body esteem. By working from the inside out, it becomes possible to (finally!) like the woman in the mirror.(less)

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Feb 16, 2013 Becca rated it 3 of 5 stars

I really struggled with this book. I think it was a great topic and concept, but the author often sounded like she was on a soap box and ranting, and it was chore to read. I only stuck with it because I was really hoping, wanting, expecting to learn something useful that I can apply in my own life. I did eventually, but not until around page 200.
For a book that is supposed to help us improve our self-image and body-image, I found myself in very, very negative space as I read this. Maybe it just...more

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May 16, 2012 Barb Hansen rated it 5 of 5 stars

I love this book. It takes the reader (mostly geared to women)through the stages of life and discusses how self esteem and body esteem can be impacted negatively and provides strategies to become a positive model and inner coach to change the negative images about our bodies/ourselves. It has some practical exercises that get the reader to do some self-reflection and increase awareness so changes can be made. The work of eliminating "fat talk" is difficult, necessary and on-going - but important...more

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Dec 01, 2011 GONZA rated it 4 of 5 stars

This is a very important and well written book about self-esteem and weight. From childhood to middle age what is what a womans says to herself and what is better to say instead of complaying?
When can you guess about your children behviour about food and when it is time to worry.
Many questions and many answer are given in this book that is a Must read for everybody especially woman or mother.
THANKS TO NETGALLEY AND BLOMSBURY FOR THE PREVIEW

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Jan 11, 2012 Cara rated it 2 of 5 stars

Interesting concept, but the emphasis was more on buffering body image than distinguishing between body esteem and self esteem, which was slightly disappointing. Probably a better book for a parent, too, than for a young adult.

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Aug 23, 2012 Diane rated it 2 of 5 stars

Interesting take on self-esteem issues. Learning to be your own coach and stop the negative talk in your head. I would have liked more personal stories and success stories of overcoming society's commercialism,ageism and sizeism? Is sizeism a word? From an early age girls are bombarded by what is considered beautiful from Barbies to makeup. The money we spend on trying to fit a mold. Crazy.

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Aug 16, 2012 Ruth rated it 3 of 5 stars

A very high 3. This is pretty much required reading for any woman in our society.

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Jan 12, 2013 Carmen rated it 3 of 5 stars

Interesting information...

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Sep 30, 2012 Elaine rated it 1 of 5 stars

The title of this book promised more than it delivered. It was boring and didn't
really tell me anything I didn't already know. Disappointing!!!

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Nov 27, 2012 Margaret Heller rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: psychology

This was read as part of my self-help streak this summer. The first half describes how women get so mixed up about their body images, and the second half is strategies to cope. I probably didn't give it enough time or focus, but I will try at least a few of the ideas.

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About Cynthia M. Bulik

Cynthia M. Bulik, Ph.D., FAED, is the Distinguished Professor of Eating Disorders at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill where she is also Professor of Nutrition in the Gillings School of Global Public Health and the Director of the UNC Eating Disorders Program. A clinical psychologist by training, Dr. Bulik has been conducting research and treating individuals with eating disorders fo...more Cynthia M. Bulik, Ph.D., FAED, is the Distinguished Professor of Eating Disorders at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill where she is also Professor of Nutrition in the Gillings School of Global Public Health and the Director of the UNC Eating Disorders Program. A clinical psychologist by training, Dr. Bulik has been conducting research and treating individuals with eating disorders for over two decades. She received her B.A. from the University of Notre Dame and her M.A. and Ph.D. from the University of California at Berkeley. She completed internships and post-doctoral fellowships at Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She developed outpatient, day patient, and inpatient services for eating disorders both in New Zealand and in the United States. Her research has included treatment, laboratory, epidemiological, twin and molecular genetic studies of eating disorders and body weight regulation. She also develops innovative means of integrating technology into treatment for eating disorders and obesity. She has active research collaborations throughout the United States and in twenty countries around the world. Dr. Bulik has written over 400 scientific papers and chapters on eating disorders and is author of Eating Disorders: Detection and Treatment (Dunmore), Runaway Eating (Rodale), Crave: Why You Binge Eat and How to Stop (Walker), and Abnormal Psychology(Prentice Hall). She is a recipient of the Eating Disorders Coalition Research Award, the Academy for Eating Disorders Leadership Award for Research, the Price Family National Eating Disorders Association Research Award, Carolina Women’s Center Women’s Advocacy Award, the Women’s Leadership Council Faculty-to-Faculty Mentorship Award, the František Faltus Award, and the Academy for Eating Disorders Meehan-Hartley Advocacy Award. She is a past president of the Academy for Eating Disorders, past Vice-President of the Eating Disorders Coalition, and past Associate Editor of the International Journal of Eating Disorders. Dr. Bulik holds the first endowed professorship in eating disorders in the United States. Her academic life is balanced by being happily married with three children and a gold medalist ice dancer.(less)

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Books by Cynthia M. Bulik

Crave: Why You Binge Eat and How to Stop

Midlife Eating Disorders: Your Journey to Recovery

Abnormal Psychology, Books a la Carte Plus Mypsychlab

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